some tips for writing stylish sentences
TRANSCRIPT
Some tips for writing stylish sentences
A Writing Center workshop
John Tiedemann
University Writing Program
University of Denver
Grammar and Style
Grammar and Style
Grammar is about rules.
Grammar and Style
Grammar is about rules.
Style is about choices.
Grammar and Style
Grammar is about rules.
Style is about choices.
Today we’ll discuss some principles for making good choices.
1. Eliminate wordiness.
WORDINESS: When there are words in your sentences that don’t add anything to the sentences’ meaning. The opposite of “wordy” is “concise.”
1. Eliminate wordiness.
Wordy: The dogs who were barking outside in the alley next to my house kept me up and awake all night long.
1. Eliminate wordiness.
Wordy: The dogs who were barking outside in the alley next to my house kept me up and awake all night long.
Concise: The barking dogs in the alley kept me up all night.
1. Eliminate wordiness.
Wordy: My sister is a nice, kind person who cannot understand or comprehend how other people in our town can be so mean and cruel to people.
1. Eliminate wordiness.
Wordy: My sister is a nice, kind person who cannot understand or comprehend how other people in our town can be so mean and cruel to people.
Concise: My sister is a nice person who cannot understand how others can be so mean.
1. Eliminate wordiness.
Wordy: The struggle for liberty and freedom is a struggle that has gone on for a very long time indeed.
1. Eliminate wordiness.
Wordy: The struggle for liberty and freedom is a struggle that has gone on for a very long time indeed.
Concise: The struggle for liberty has gone on for a long time.
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
The term ACTION here includes physical actions . . .
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
The term ACTION here includes physical actions . . .
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
The term ACTION here includes physical actions as well as non-physical actions.
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
The term ACTION here includes physical actions as well as non-physical actions.
BELIEVING CARING ANALYZING
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
The term CONDITION refers to a “state of being.”
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
The term CONDITION refers to a “state of being.”
The sun is larger than the moon.
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
The term CONDITION refers to a “state of being.”
The sun is larger than the moon.
Calculus is a challenging subject.
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
The term CONDITION refers to a “state of being.”
The sun is larger than the moon.
Calculus is a challenging subject.
Tom was angry.
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
ABSTRACT NOUNS are verbs turned into nouns.
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
ABSTRACT NOUNS are verbs turned into nouns.
“investment” “to invest”
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
ABSTRACT NOUNS are verbs turned into nouns.
“investment” “to invest”
“interpretation” “to interpret”
2. Be concrete.
To express actions and conditions, use specific verbs, adverbs, or adjectives rather than abstract nouns.
ABSTRACT NOUNS are verbs turned into nouns.
“investment” “to invest”
“interpretation” “to interpret”
“sight” “to see”
2. Be concrete.
Abstract: We had a discussion of the matter.
2. Be concrete.
Abstract: We had a discussion of the matter.
Concrete: We discussed the matter.
2. Be concrete.
Abstract: We had a discussion of the matter.
Concrete: We discussed the matter.
Abstract: A review was done of the relevant regulations.
2. Be concrete.
Abstract: We had a discussion of the matter.
Concrete: We discussed the matter.
Abstract: A review was done of the relevant regulations.
Concrete: The team reviewed the relevant regulations.
2. Be concrete.
Abstract: We had a discussion of the matter.
Concrete: We discussed the matter.
Abstract: A review was done of the relevant regulations.
Concrete: The team reviewed the relevant regulations.
Abstract: The intention of the committee is the improvement of the company morale.
2. Be concrete.
Abstract: We had a discussion of the matter.
Concrete: We discussed the matter.
Abstract: A review was done of the relevant regulations.
Concrete: The team reviewed the relevant regulations.
Abstract: The intention of the committee is the improvement of the company morale.
Concrete: The committee intends to improve company morale.
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
VERB: A word that describes an action or condition: “walking,” “raining,” “believing,” “analyzing,” “is [x],” “is [y].” . . .
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
SUBJECT: The word or phrase in the sentence that names whoor what is doing/being what the verb describes.
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
SUBJECT: The word or phrase in the sentence that names whoor what is doing/being what the verb describes.
Ellen walked to class today.
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
SUBJECT: The word or phrase in the sentence that names whoor what is doing/being what the verb describes.
Ellen walked to class today.
“Ellen” “walked”
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
SUBJECT: The word or phrase in the sentence that names whoor what is doing/being what the verb describes.
When she was a child, Jennifer believed in the tooth fairy.
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
SUBJECT: The word or phrase in the sentence that names whoor what is doing/being what the verb describes.
When she was a child, Jennifer believed in the tooth fairy.
“she” “was” “Jennifer” “believed”
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
AGENT: The actual who or what is performing the action or in the condition that the verb describes.
In 1956, Elvis recorded the song “Blue Suede Shoes.”
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
AGENT: The actual who or what is performing the action or in the condition that the verb describes.
In 1956, Elvis recorded the song “Blue Suede Shoes.”
Subject = the word “Elvis”
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
AGENT: The actual who or what is performing the action or in the condition that the verb describes.
In 1956, Elvis recorded the song “Blue Suede Shoes.”
Subject = the word “Elvis” Agent =
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
AGENT: The actual who or what is performing the action or in the condition that the verb describes.
“Blue Suede Shoes” was recorded by Elvis in 1956.
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
AGENT: The actual who or what is performing the action or in the condition that the verb describes.
“Blue Suede Shoes” was recorded by Elvis in 1956.
Agent =
3. Match subjects and agents.
When it is appropriate, make the subject of your verb the agent of the action the verb describes.
AGENT: The actual who or what is performing the action or in the condition that the verb describes.
“Blue Suede Shoes” was recorded by Elvis in 1956.
Subject = “Blue Suede Shoes.” Agent =
3. Match subjects and agents.
4. Let beginnings point back.
Use the beginning of your sentences to refer to (a) what you’ve already mentioned or (b) knowledge that you can assume you and your reader readily share.
Use the beginning of your sentences to refer to (a) what you’ve already mentioned or (b) knowledge that you can assume you and your reader readily share.
Example: Jon Stewart is perhaps the most accomplished satirist working today. Satire, as mentioned previously, attacks those in power in the name of truth.
4. Let beginnings point back.
Use the beginning of your sentences to refer to (a) what you’ve already mentioned or (b) knowledge that you can assume you and your reader readily share.
Example: Jon Stewart is perhaps the most accomplished satirist working today. Satire, as mentioned previously, attacks those in power in the name of truth.
Revised: Satire attacks those in power in the name of truth. Perhaps the most accomplished satirist working today is Jon Stewart.
4. Let beginnings point back.
Use the beginning of your sentences to refer to (a) what you’ve already mentioned or (b) knowledge that you can assume you and your reader readily share.
Example: The number of wounded and dead in World War I exceeded all the other wars in European history. One of the reasons for the lingering animosity between some nations today is the memory of this terrible carnage.
4. Let beginnings point back.
Use the beginning of your sentences to refer to (a) what you’ve already mentioned or (b) knowledge that you can assume you and your reader readily share.
Example: The number of wounded and dead in World War I exceeded all the other wars in European history. One of the reasons for the lingering animosity between some nations today is the memory of this terrible carnage.
Revised: Of all the wars in European history up to that point, none exceeded World War I in the number of wounded and dead. The memory of this terrible carnage is one of the reasons for the animosity between some European nations today.
4. Let beginnings point back.
5. Let endings point forward.
Put your most important ideas at the end of your sentence, as well as the information you intend to develop in the next sentence.
Put your most important ideas at the end of your sentence, as well as the information you intend to develop in the next sentence.
Example: I crashed the car last Saturday afternoon, on my way home from a trip to the supermarket and the Laundromat. I escaped without a scratch, though the car was totaled.
5. Let endings point forward.
Put your most important ideas at the end of your sentence, as well as the information you intend to develop in the next sentence.
Example: I crashed the car last Saturday afternoon, on my way home from a trip to the supermarket and the Laundromat. I escaped without a scratch, though the car was totaled.
Revised: Last Saturday afternoon, on my way home from a trip to the supermarket and the Laundromat, I crashed the car. The car was totaled, but I escaped without a scratch.
5. Let endings point forward.
Put your most important ideas at the end of your sentence, as well as the information you intend to develop in the next sentence.
Example: President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated on April 14, 1865, while watching a play at Ford’s Theater. The nation was shocked by this act of violence.
5. Let endings point forward.
Put your most important ideas at the end of your sentence, as well as the information you intend to develop in the next sentence.
Example: President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated on April 14, 1865, while watching a play at Ford’s Theater. The nation was shocked by this act of violence.
Revised: On April 14, 1865, while watching a play at Ford’s Theater, President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. This act of violence shocked the nation.
5. Let endings point forward.
If your sentences feel tangled, observe this rule: The greater the logical complexity of the thought is, the simpler the syntax of the sentences expressing it ought to be.
5. Let endings point forward.
If your sentences feel tangled, observe this rule: The more complex your thought is, the simpler your grammar ought to be.
Democracy has been around since the time of Socrates and has continued into the present day, in countries such as the United States, where the citizens hold power under a free electoral system. Even though democracy operates differently in different places, all democracies have two characteristic features, which are that all citizens have equal access to power, and that all citizens enjoy universally recognized liberties, including freedom of thought, freedom of expression, and freedom of speech.
6. Don’t double complexity.
If your sentences feel tangled, observe this rule: The more complex your thought is, the simpler your grammar ought to be.
Democracy has been around since Socrates’s day. It continues to thrive today. Democracy operates differently in different places. However, all democracies share two characteristic features. First, all citizens have equal access to power. Second, all citizens enjoy universally recognized liberties. These liberties include freedom of thought, of expression, and of speech.
6. Don’t double complexity.
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