st john bosco school work life balance · pace •big picture analyser •indirect and detailed...
TRANSCRIPT
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Michelle Bakjac Registered Psychologist / CHG Accredited Trainer
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Overview
• Knowing your style
• Recognising and appreciating
different personality styles
• Understanding difficult behaviours
• How to deal with difficult behaviours
• Managing difficult interactions
• Strategies for resolving issues and
conflict effectively
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Managing Difficult
Personalities
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Knowing your Style
Assessing your style and understanding others:
• Understand our own behaviour and that of others
• Appreciate that while people are different, everyone has a value, strengths and special qualities
• Helps to understand how others perceive you
• Useful for understanding self, team dynamics and interpersonal relationships
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Less Expressive (Task Orientated)
More Expressive (People Orientated)
Less direct More direct
DIRECTOR • direct and to the point
• getting it done…fast
RELATOR • indirect and considerate
• getting along...with everyone
INFLUENCER • direct and elaborate
• getting it noticed…with innovation
4
3
2
1
0
10
9
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0 1 2 3 4 6 7 8 9 10
•Steadier
•More detailed
•Faster
•Big picture PACE
ANALYSER
• indirect and detailed
• getting it right…the first time
Behavioural Style Grid
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Behavioural Style Grid
ANALYSER
• Serious
• Well-organized
• Systematic
• Logical
• Reserved
• Factual
DIRECTOR
• Decisive
• Independent
• Efficient
• Intense
• Deliberate
• Achieving
RELATOR • Co-operative
• Friendly
• Supportive
• Patient
• Relaxed
• Helpful
INFLUENCER • Outgoing
• Enthusiastic
• Persuasive
• Humorous
• Gregarious
• Lively
Less Expressive (Task Orientated)
More Expressive (People Orientated)
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Danger traits when overused ANALYSER
perfectionist - obsessive
pessimistic - critical
inflexible - stubborn
tunnel-visioned
change resistant
ritualistic- reclusive
DIRECTOR aggressive - argumentative
blunt - rude
sarcastic - intimidating
intolerant - judgmental
domineering
poor listener
RELATOR indecisive – self doubting
non-assertive - withdrawn
complainer
hesitant
insecure - dependent
easily hurt
over-zealous to please
INFLUENCER impulsive
rebellious – hard to pin down
lacks follow through
disorganised - imprecise
distracting - unfocused
overly-dramatic
not punctual
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Consider what other
factors make us
different?
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Personal Differences
Mindful and respectful of others cultural background, lifestyle choices and beliefs
What to do:
• Be non-judgemental
• Communication
style and phrasing
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Generational Differences
Generation
“A cohort of people born within a span of
time in which the trends, technologies and
events have significantly shaped them”
McCrindle Research Study 2006
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Generational Differences
Each generation has its own:
• Set of values
• Set of experiences and reference points
• View of authority, family, career and loyalty
• Expectations in relation to work life balance,
training and development, work environment
and managers
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Understanding who are we
dealing with? Understand the person:
• What causes them stress
• How they operate under pressure
• Their background and needs
• Identifying changes in emotional and
behavioural responses
• Key to “Win / Win” communications
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Four Categories of Difficult
People
1. Reactive Analysers
2. The Complainer
1. Dictator / Manipulator 2. The Tank
3. The Sniper
1. Passive Babbler
2. The Victim 3. Melancholy
Escapist
1. Impulsive Exploder
2. The Star
Purpose / Task (External)
People (Internal)
Initia
te (In
vo
lvin
g)
Res
po
nd
ed
(W
ith
dra
win
g)
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Four choices when dealing
with difficult behaviours
1. Say and do nothing
2. Walk away
3. Change your
attitude about the
difficult person
4. Change your
behaviour
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Confronting co-workers and others
whose behaviour you cannot ignore
Describe the positive future
Describe the problem specifically
State why this behaviour is a problem
Offer a solution
End on a positive note
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If the problem behaviour
continues
• Repeat your request in a
respectful way
• If it still continues describe
the consequences
• If still no change follow
through with consequences
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Conflict
• Conflict is inevitable
• Conflict can be positive
• Conflict can be managed
• Conflict interactions can be improved
• Finally……effective conflict management
starts with knowing and managing yourself!
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Four Basic Guiding Principles
for Addressing Conflict The four underlying values aim to honour the
legitimate interests of all involved persons –
these are:
• Preserve Dignity and Respect
• Listen with Empathy – Be Fully Present
• Find Common Ground Without Forcing Change
• Honour Diversity, Including Your Own
Perspective
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Co
nfl
ict
You cannot control other people
You can only control yourself
But you can influence other people by changing your responses to them
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Tips for connecting well with
people • Use their first name
• Extend common courtesies
• Comment on what you both have in
common
• Ask about their work interests and
passions
• Have empathy, warmth and genuineness
• Compliment them
• Use humour when appropriate
• Work with them on what they are wanting
where possible
Tip: You catch more flies with honey than
with vinegar
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Upset and Angry People
How to make things even worse:
• Explode, accuse or criticise back
• Withdraw from them physically and emotionally
• Use disrespectful or uncaring tones/body
language
• Use words like “that’s not our policy”, “yes, but...”
• Return same for same
• Stay in the firing line when your diffusing
strategies are not working
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Diffusing the frustration or
anger of others
Acknowledge their perspective and feelings
Apologise sincerely where you can
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Screamers and other
demanding people
Cool down
Change method of communication
Check what is behind this
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What are your Bad Habits
• Do I stop listening when I think I know the message the speaker is trying to convey?
• Do I find it difficult to listen to other’s views if they are different to mine?
• Do I start thinking of what I am going to say while the other person is still talking?
• Do I daydream when I should be listening?
• Do I block the other person out if I don’t like them?
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What are your Bad Habits
• Do I sometimes respond to others in a sarcastic
or overly blunt way?
• Can I receive criticism without becoming
defensive?
• Do I interrupt?
• Am I aware of what body language I am
demonstrating?
• Do I avoid eye contact?
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Barriers to Effective
Communication
• Emotions (anger and
embarrassment)
• Interruptions (human
and technological)
• Lack of concentration
• Cultural differences
• Failure to listen
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Recovery • Recognise that dealing with difficult people is a
stressful experience and it may take a while to settle
• Let off steam to workmates, but don’t ‘dump’ on them! Also be willing to listen to your workmates in return
• Avoid unhelpful coping mechanisms
e.g. alcohol
• Distract self – admin task, filing
• Escape for a little while – go for a walk
• Relaxation
• Review / self evaluate own behaviour
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Key Messages
• Understand potential triggers
• Manage escalation quickly
• Look for early warning signs
• Appreciate and manage individual differences
• Don’t take others reactions personally
• Debrief negative experiences appropriately
• Re-interpret stressful events
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• Think preventative –
not just reactionary
• You can not always
control other peoples
behaviour – but you
can control your own
Remember
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Trainer
Michelle Bakjac
CID: 0418 883 855
C/- CHG Training Unit
T. 8352 9888
Questions