startup communication, may 2014
Post on 13-Sep-2014
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DESCRIPTION
A condensed version of the slides I used for a workshop with a startup management team on communication, feedback, and group norms.TRANSCRIPT
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Startup
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
communication
Ed Batista
May 5, 2014
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Executive coach
Instructor @ Stanford GSB
www.edbatista.com
blogs.hbr.org/ed-batista
HBR Guide to Coaching Your Employees
Who am I?
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Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are we1:1 communication
Group norms
You & your colleagues
going?
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How will weConcepts
Exercises & debriefs
1:1 feedback
get there?
Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
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Startups ashuman systems
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Complex group dynamics
Communication = survival
Feedback = learning
Relationships matter
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Startups ashuman systems
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
Think about this team…
How are you communicating?
How would you like to communicate?
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Concepts #1Today’s headline
The simplest feedback model
Feelings
The net
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
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The headlineFeedback is stressful
So criticize with skill
& give more heartfelt praise
Photo by Garry Knight [link]
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The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
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The simplest
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
feedback model
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FeelingsDisclosing feelings = vulnerable
But feelings influence
And vulnerability closeness
Comfort with discomfort
Photo by Rebecca Krebs [link]
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The netDavid Bradford
How to avoid triggering defensiveness?
How to increase perceptions of
fairness?
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
ReadMore
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My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals
Needs Motives
Intentions
Feelings Reactions
Responses
The netMe and
my…
You and your…
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
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The netStay on our side of the net
Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
When you do [X], I feel [Y].
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
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Concepts #2Social threat
SCARF model
Relationships
The net (again)
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
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Can I give you
Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link]
some feedback?
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Feedback and
Photo by Mykl Roventine [link]
social threat
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Threat responseaka “Fight or flight”
Physiological signs?
Emotional signs?
Photo by William Warby [link]
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Threat responseCognitive impairment…
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration
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Social threat(Some) social situations ≈ Physical
threats
Many times/day
Most common location?
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Social threatA problem…
Decision-making
Problem-solving
Collaboration
All affect communication
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
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SCARF model
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
ReadMore
David RockWhat social situationstrigger a threatresponse?
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SCARF modelStatus
Certainty
Autonomy
Relatedness
Fairness
ReadMore
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Use the modelWhen giving feedback…
Be mindful of status
Minimize uncertainty
Maximize autonomy
Build the relationship*
Play fair*
Photo by Andrew Vargas [link]
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Use the modelWhen getting feedback…
Recognize our threat response
Manage our emotions (Norms help*)
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Photo by Harsha KR [link]
Relationships
John Gottman
What characterizes successful
relationships?ReadMore
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RelationshipsFeeling known by the other
A culture of appreciation
Responding to “bids”
Mutual influence
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5:1 positive to negative
“Emotional bank account”
Relationships& conflict
Photo by Connor Tartar [link]
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Startups ashuman systems
Think about your teammates…
How’s your emotional bank account?
What are you doing to build the
relationship?
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
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The netHow to minimize defensiveness?
How to increase sense of fairness?
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
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Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
My behavior… Actions Statements Non-Verbals
Needs Motives
Intentions
Feelings Reactions
Responses
The netMe and
my…
You and your…
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
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Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
The netStay on our side of the net
Focus on observed behavior
Disclose our response
Diminish social threat & defensiveness
Increase sense of fairness
Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link]
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Startups ashuman systems
Think about your teammates…
When do you cross their net?
When do they cross yours?
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
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Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
Concepts #3Emotional intelligence & groups
Talking about feelings
Group norms
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EQ and groupsWhy care?
Effective teams
Participation, cooperation,
collaboration
Can’t mandate behavior
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
ReadMore
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EQ and groupsEssential conditions…
Mutual trust
Group identity (feeling of belonging)
Group efficacy (belief in value of the
team)
Strongly affected by group EQ
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
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EQ and groupsIndividual EQ
Emotional awareness
Emotion regulation (≠ suppression)
Inward (one’s own emotions)
Outward (others’ emotions)
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
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EQ and groupsHigh EQ individuals ≠ High EQ group
Group norms determine group EQ
Create awareness of emotion
Help regulate emotion
Photo by Woodleywonderworks [link]
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Startups ashuman systems
Think about how you show up on this
team…
How aware are you of your emotions?
How well do you regulate your
emotions?
Photo by Heisenberg Media [link]
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Talking aboutAffect labeling
Amygdala
Talking disrupts negative emotion
Talking about emotion > Thinking about
emotion
feelings
Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
ReadMore
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Talking aboutGroup norms
Norms define what’s normative
Can we talk about feelings here?
Overcome embarrassment
feelings
Photo by Andrew Yee [link]
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Our normsConsider company norms
Create awareness of emotions
Help regulate emotions
ReadMore
Photo by jm3 [link]
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We never… We
always…
1. Spend time getting to knowothers personally.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We
always…
2. Regularly ask how others are doing.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We
always…
3. Share thoughts and emotionswith others in the moment.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We
always…
4. Ask others who have been quiet in a discussion what they think.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We
always…
5. Fully explore others’ resistanceto our decisions.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We
always…
6. Set aside time to discuss and evaluateour own effectiveness.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We
always…
7. Acknowledge and discuss the feelingin the group in the moment.
Norms that createawareness
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We never… We
always…
1. Have clear ground rules for productive behavior in meetings.
Norms that help regulate
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We never… We
always…
2. Call out behavior that violatesthose ground rules.
Norms that help regulate
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We never… We
always…
3. Express acceptance ofothers’ emotions.
Norms that help regulate
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We never… We
always…
4. Make time to discuss difficulties within the team
and the emotions they generate.
Norms that help regulate
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We never… We
always…
5. Use playfulness to acknowledgeand relieve stress.
Norms that help regulate
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We never… We
always…
6. Express optimism aboutthe team’s capabilities.
Norms that help regulate
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We never… We
always…
7. Provide others with positivefeedback in the moment.
Norms that help regulate
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Our normsWhat norms do we have?
What norms do we need?
What might we do as a team?
Photo by jm3 [link]
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Concepts #4Positive feedback
Mindset
Soft start
5 levels
Photo by Lee Nachtigal [link]
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Positive feedbackA paradox
So important
So often ineffective
What’s wrong?
Photo by Aaron Matthews [link]
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Positive feedbackWe may not trust it
We may even resent it
We often praise the wrong things
ReadMore
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Positive feedbackDon’t praise to buffer criticism
Use a soft start*
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Positive feedbackDon’t praise to overcome resistance
Use other influence tactics
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Positive feedbackDon’t praise ability
Praise effort and persistence
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Carol Dweck
How do we feel about our abilities?
How do we feel about our mistakes?
Mindset
Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link]
ReadMore
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Talent & intelligence are inherent traits
Mistakes are failures or character flaws
Negative emotional response to mistakes
Talent & intelligence can be developed
Mistakes are learning opportunities
Pay close attention to mistakes & learn more
Fixed Growth
Mindset
ReadMore
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Soft start
Photo by Phil McElhinney [link]
Not like this
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Soft start
Photo by OakleyOriginals [link]
Like this
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Soft startBegin with positive intent
(But don’t bullshit)
Emphasize mutual goals
Be mindful of your stress
ReadMore
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5 levels
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
Richard Francisco
Increasing levels of meaning, value
and risk
ReadMore
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5 levels1: Ritual
2: Extended Ritual
3: Content
4: Feelings About Content
5: Feelings About Each Other
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
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5 levels
5: Feelings About Each Other
Hardest
Riskiest
Most meaningful
Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
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Remember…
Challenge yourself
Photo by Daniel Oines [link]