TANZANIA

ART EXHIBITION

PLUS PROM

SPORTS DAY INDUCTON DAY

PUZZLES AND MUCH

MUCH MORE

DAISY PULLS IT OFF

We‟re back again, much to the delight of our readers (that‟s you bozos). But don't worry we (the new Student Speak team) will do our utmost to make the dull news of UCC slightly enjoyable to read.

If you‟re new to the school and have already learnt to read then you will be able to see that this is „Student Speak‟ which is the magazine which is run by students. We would like to welcome you to the school and Thomas Batty would like to remind you that the third floor corridor is off limits to anyone who does not wish to die a most painful death.

So here‟s the new Student Speak team in 100% glossy glory. As if you really care.

Joe James Editor in Chief

Rebecca Stephenson-Connelly

Managing Editor

Rebecca Osborne Sub-Editor

Joanna Strong Reporter

Emma Hepworth Sub-Editor

Angharad Jenkins Sub Editor

Emily Bardgett Tea Lady

Paulina Szymaniak Reporter

LAKE TO SUE SCHOOL? Rumours abound that Ullswater, the lake, has re-cently hired a top lawyer and plans to sue our school for infringement of copyright laws. When asked why it was doing this the lake replied by making a violent gushing sound. Frightening stuff.

The latest headlines from the world of Ullswater Community College

All articles are true to life. Only Names, Dates, Locations, and Events have been changed. Joe James for Student Speak

Before the end of our previous term at UCC if you stood at one side of the main art room your vision would be filled with beautiful art-work and interesting learning environments.

All this has changed. The latest addition to our ever changing art department is a wall. “A wall?” I hear you cry. “But that will get in the way of all the exciting arti-ness” I also hear you say. However I pooh-pooh all that nonsense and ask people to appreciate the beautiful architecture of the wall. Many are delighted with the wall. Bethany, a fictional sixth form art student, was even caught saying that it was the best thing since a painting of

sliced bread. The builder of the wall, Bob (pictured left) had this to say. “I am proud to put my name on this wall and couldn‟t have done a better job.” Miss Dockray however had her doubts, saying that Bob was a so called „Cowboy Builder‟ and the wall was what she described as „structurally unstable‟. Due to the mass of building work which has taken place since Mr Pattinson became Head, rumours are circulating that Mr Pattinson was a builder in a previous life and that he built the Eiffel Tower out of steel and brawn. However others say that in fact it was Gustave Eif-fel who built the famous Parisian land-mark. The Art department run a bi-annual sixth form trip to Paris. Critics say the two events are not linked. (Pictured right is an artist‟s impression of what the wall may look like)

BUILDER FEVER

SCHOOL TO ADOPT THE EURO Yes you heard me right. This is one of Mr Pattinson‟s most recent changes to the school. His official advisors told him that the Euro was what they described as „weak‟ however Mr

Pattinson insisted, saying that it will bring an air of interesting European culture to the school. Children will have to go to the post office to change their pounds sterling into Euros at the start of each week and if the scheme goes well a Bureau de Change may be installed at Reception.

THE SHINIEST SHOES IN TOWN Many scientific questions remain unanswered. „What caused the big bang?‟ „What is Gravity?‟ and „the meaning of life‟. However one of these unanswerable questions was recently answered. How does Mr Pattinson get his shoes so shiny. The Head master confirmed that he uses shoe polish.

UCC PIG TRIALS In a recent attempt to save money, the school governors replaced some members of staff with live pigs. After an un-successful trial period the scheme was scrapped and the Pigs eaten at the summer staff barbeque.

Bored of the same old Jesus story?

Want to see it first hand?

RE DEPARTMENT DONKEY TRIP TO BETHLEHEM

See Mr McCanny for more info.

PETER O’POOLE? News just in. Famous Hollywood actor Peter O‟Toole has financed the construction of an Olympic sized swimming pool on the school site. The maths teach-ers are in outrage because their department will have to be demolished to make way for the pool and

their lessons are to be taught at the pool side. Miss John said that the whole idea was “ridiculous x 10”. Construction is due to start in the Christmas holidays.

Another great performance from the sixth formers of UCC, directed of course by Miss Susie Shreeve (who has left, booo!) and Mrs Reardon. Not only was it hilariously comical but it tackled the issues of friendships and aspects of fitting into school life. Daisy was played by Sophie Mossop, a very talented young actress who portrayed Daisy‟s vulnerability yet strong heroism throughout. I think it is fair to say that the play would not have been the same without Bill Sutton and Chris Brown playing the parts of Sybil and Monica. They were a double act throughout the play, causing havoc in Grangewood school (often involving cream cakes) Luckily this was kept under control by the aspiring Head Teacher, Alice Burford who really got into character, mainly because of the scary tone of her voice! The play really came to life during the aggressive hockey game, which involved Grangewood School playing against their enemy Verncoom School. Can‟t say I have ever seen cross-dressing hockey players before, but it sure did provide an interesting element to the play. All in all, a great play thanks to everyone who took part. It was a triumph for the Drama Department and a great way to say goodbye to their much loved Head of Drama, Susie Shreeve; who will be well and truly missed! Becca Stephenson-Connelly and Emily Bardgett for Student Speak

The Set and props were all hand

crafted for the play by the dynamic

duo that are Joe James and Owen

Smith and they really were the star

of the show. One year seven student

had this to say “I personally could-

n’t take my eyes off them, I didn’t

even notice the play I was too en-

grossed in the set and props.” So

what's next for this Perfect Pair?

Some say they went hiking in the

Andes over the summer, some say

they’re working on a bigger project

with no actors and no play to be

performed at the National. And

some say that they are just a plain

old teacher and student. Some peo-

ple will believe anything though.

When I first mentioned Mr. Tromans on a quiet afternoon in the sixth form common room a blank look spread across people’s faces. When I mentioned he was Deputy Head people were shocked that they hadn’t heard of him. You see the sixth form are a bit slow on the uptake and it takes about a year for us to receive important information. So this is for all those unlucky people who haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Mr. Tro-mans. Personally, we love the guy!

You’re pretty hard to pin down. Is it a very hectic job, Deputy Head? Yes it’s very hectic. I was a Deputy Head at my last school but it was much smaller. It’s certainly a challenge working here but the people are wonderful. At times I’m doing eleven to fourteen hour days. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. So Tromans is a pretty unusual name. Do you know what it means? Yes, the name Tromans comes from the Black Country in the West Midlands which is where I’m originally from. Trau is a type of flat bottomed barge used for moving coal etc about the canals. Therefore a Trau-man is someone who works on the barges. It’s a very common name there. So it just means Barge Man then? Yes. And my first name is David, King of Kings! What is your favourite thing about UCC? It’s got to be the students. I’ve never met a more biddable group of young people. I teach a year ten rugby team on a Thursday afternoon and they are fantastic, I never have to remind them to bring their kit, they’re always on time and ready to play. They’re great. Tell us a story about when you were at school. Well there was one year when we got loads of snow and everyone was having a snowball fight at school. The Deputy Head came out to tell us all off and got caught in the middle of the whole fight. He was absolutely pelted with snowballs. Did you throw any? Might have thrown one or two. So you wouldn't mind if that was you? Probably not. Well kids are kids. We were just having a bit of fun.

If you had a race horse what would you name it? Hmm a race horse. Probably Spitfire. So not the Troman Horse then? (Chuckles Heartily) No, I don’t think it would win any races, would it? What is your favourite film? Easy. ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’. Ohh, that’s my mum’s favourite film Yeah James Stewart and Donna Reed. Fantastic old black and white film. What are your hobbies? I’m keen on outdoor activities, walking, skiing when I get the chance.

If you were a superhero which one would you be? I think it would have to be Batman, with Mr Ellery as my Robin. If you could interview anyone who would it be? Alive or Dead? Winston Churchill.

What Music do you listen to? It’s an eclectic mix. Bruce Springsteen (like Mr Sander), The Smiths. Its all very eighties. Tell us a funny story. Well when I first came to the school it was really cold here. I lived in York before that. And I was amazed at how cold it is here. I started to wear a vest in September and only stopped wearing one in the Spring. Anyways, in the cold winter we were having, my car doors froze up. So every morning I would have to climb in the boot of my little green Polo and drive to work. And sometimes when I got to school they still hadn't unfrozen, so I would have to climb out of the boot again. Luckily Owen Smith was the only one who was there at that time of the morning so I would not be publicly humiliated. If you could live anywhere in the world where would you live? Cumbria. I really do love it here. I’m slowly hardening up to the weather. I’m hold-ing out until October to start wearing my vest.

Joe James and Angharad Jenkins for Student Speak

The Bennison and Thwaites mile is a tradition in UCC, and has been going since Mr Dawson was a student (a long time ago…) This year was a wonderful day and was enjoyed by everybody who took part (apart from Chris Nicholson, who is not as fast as he used to be). It was a close race, but vic-tory was taken by Nick Dudson, a year 7 student who out ran all of his opponents. Well done Nicky Boy! Becca Stephenson-Connelly for Student Speak

Sports Day at Ullswater was a delightful event; the sun was shining, as were our students who dis-played Olympian (not quite) sporting abilities. Flora Blackburn of year 10 placed in not one, not two, but three events! When asked how she felt about this achievement, she replied “It feels pretty good”. Ah, modesty. Student Speak would like to congratulate

all the winners and everyone who took part in this most wondrous of

Flora Blackburn —Star of track and field ...

At the end of a very difficult two years of studying for GCSE’s, year 11 finally got to

celebrate their success with UCC’s annual prom. This year it took place at Rheged.

Here are a selection of photos...

Induction Day… Induction Day is always an exciting time at UCC as it introduces the future stu-dents of the school. During Induction Day students from across the area and from lots of different schools came together to experience UCC. Everyone got a chance to meet their form group, their form tutor and new people whilst also partaking in a range of different activi-ties. Year 8 students were also involved with Induc-tion Day as a group of students helped the new year 7s by giving advice and help throughout the day. This scheme worked very well and helped to integrate the new students into UCC very success-fully. Whilst it is an exciting day it can also be nerve-racking for the new year 7s but overall it is a fun ex-perience. Student Speak questioned some new year 7s on Induction Day to investigate their thoughts and emotions about the day...

Lauren Gaskell and Amalia Colosi (St. Catherine’s school) 1.What activities have you done to-day? English, French, Maths, Dancing and a tour around the school. 2. What is your highlight of the day? Dancing or French. 3. What are you looking forward to? Drama and the different clubs avail-able at school. 4. Are you scared about anything? Getting lost and making friends.

Tiernon Hall, Lloyd Norman and Jack Ritson (North Lakes School) 1.What activities have you done to-day? P.E, Dance, Trampolining, Maths, English, Form time, a tour and we met our form tutors. 2. What is your highlight of the day? Dancing and Trampolining. 3. What are you looking forward to? Science and meeting new people.

Want to travel the world? Cant? Can but can’t be bothered?

Well Now You Can?

Bill Sutton

When did you leave UCC?

Errr Summer 2011.

So you haven't been gone that long then?

Nope, Nope I haven't. Ahhhhhhhhh.

So where and what are you studying

now?

I‟m at Carlisle College doing a sub-

diploma in film and media.

Isn‟t that just because you did badly in

your exams?

Well technically Joe I did all right in my

exams, I got a B.

And what else?

That‟s classified.

What did you enjoy best about UCC?

Drama, Joe. Drama. I think the Drama

department is great along with the Eng-

lish department and the History depart-

ment. The teachers are really inspira-

tional.

Well thanks for talking to me Bill, and

giving the children of UCC something to

aspire to.

No problem, I‟d do anything for you Joe.

Anything! Joe James for Student Speak

Helen Southernwood, Wendy Woodhouse and Robbie Simp-son 1.What activities have you done today? Trampolining, Maths, an investi-gation, French and a tour around school. 2. What is your highlight of the day? Trampolining. 3. What are you looking forward to? Different clubs, Sport activities, Art and the teachers. 4. Are you scared about any-thing? Meeting new people, clubs, I’m just excited!

Emma Hepworth for Student Speak

GEOGRAPHY TRIP AROUND THE WORLD

IN 8O DAYS See Mr Pierce for further details

(In the voice of David Attenborough) On 13th July to the 1st August a number of students set out on the voyage of their lives. Teachers came as well, including the magnificent Turney whose organisational skills prevailed in all circumstances (she really is great!). Comedy was a com-mon factor on this trip, it was thankfully provided by John Sander and Ian Tuer (“There‟s a Zebra crossing to your right”). While we were in Tanzania we visited two schools in-cluding Bethsaida, an all girl‟s orphan school and Neinjema, a mixed secondary and primary school. The experience really hit home and made us appreciate the value of education and how it can change your life depending where you are. We will never forget the students as I‟m sure they will not forget us, they were so grateful and happy despite some of the situa-tions they were in. This really inspired us to live life to the full no matter what condition you‟re in: so thank you Bethsaida and Nianjema for making us see things differently. Angharad Jenkins and Emily Bardgett for Student Speak

“I’m coming back here as soon as I can afford it and bringing as many people as I can drag along with me, I’ll miss you Tan-zania!” - Joanne Mitchell

“I can honestly say this trip has changed my life” - Rebecca Osborne

“I’m coming back next year hopefully” - Jen Reid

“This trip has been an absolutely amazing experience and I have made so many new friends” - Aileen Roberts

“I will miss the people it would not have been the same if just one person was changed” - Emily Bardgett

“After nearly 20 days of being together I can truly say we were like a disjointed family and the ex-

perience has been amazing” - Sian Peet

No „Wild at Heart‟ Ac-tors attended this trip. As I‟m sure you know Amanda Holden is not on it anymore, she died, you probably saw it. We miss you, Amanda.

NEWS FROM WESTMINISTER

Now I don‟t know what you so called „students‟ know about the so called

„Government‟ so in this cruddy little slot in Student Speak I am going to

attempt to teach you all. Now we all know that David Cameron is our

Prime Minister. That is because lots of people (eg. your mummies and

daddies) voted for him and even though he didn‟t get enough votes to

make him the Prime Minister, he decided to become best buds with a

certain Mr Clegg of the Lib Dems and become prime minister anyways.

“Hang on, I‟ve

heard of this Clegg

fellow”, I hear you

say. Has your father

been calling Mr

Clegg some nasty

names? Well that‟s

because everyone is

mad at him because

he made promises to the good people of the UK that he didn‟t keep.

Nowadays when we see Nick Clegg on the television, he usually looks like

he‟s been crying or is about to start crying. Well the Con-Dem Govern-

ment has been in power for a year now and the country‟s current finan-

cial situation doesn't seem to be getting better. We are still massively in

debt and making cuts to all the government funded things like the army,

hospitals and schools doesn‟t seem to be helping. Oh, if only we had lots

of rich blokes who we could tax the hell out of. Oh wait, we do, they‟re

running the country. On top of that there are the university fees (part of

the cuts) which now only the Richey Rich (eg the folks in government)

can afford. And to add insult to injury there is the whole Rupert Mur-

doch malarkey. If you don‟t know what happened. Mr Murdoch, the me-

dia mogul (I don‟t know what mogul means) owned a newspaper called

The News of the World which hacked into phones of many different

people. Which is not very nice. But because he was best buds with the

government and the police everyone turned a blind eye and pretended

that nothing was going on until at last it all came splurging out at once.

Poor old Mr Murdoch had to shut his newspaper down and in recent

investigations it has been revealed that his

company is riddled with this sort of badness.

So how are things going for Dave and the

gang? Well let‟s just say they‟re doing a pretty

shoddy job. What about the other side? Well,

Labour has settled into opposition quite dull-

ly with their new nerdy Harry Potter-like

leader Ed Miliband (pictured). He thinks that

he can save our country from anything and

everything. Poor little Ed, so naive. Ed won

the Labour Party leadership elections last

year. Narrowly defeating brother David. There is a mysterious 3rd Mili-

band brother, Pete, a bus conductor who lives in Croydon.

Joe James for Student Speak

Ah, the Summer Ball… to the Americans it's the Prom, to the Italians the Ballo Studentesco, to us Germans it's simply known as Abschlussball. This year our’s took place at the George Hotel in Penrith. The evening began, however, in a graveyard nearby as we all had our photographs taken with the many tombstones that surrounded us. From here, we made our way to the George Hotel, which I can safely say, without a shadow of a doubt and with many assurances, was the swankiest joint I've ever done gone been into. You should have seen the decor! Anyway, enough about the decor. Once we arrived everyone mounted the stairs and headed up the stairs to get upstairs. That was where the Ball was. Upstairs. As soon as we got there, students and teachers alike flocked to the bar to purchase drinks. Next up was the meal. Three whole courses! The first course, a whole melon each, was delicious. Not only delicious, but refreshing! Then came the second course: vegetables. Or - for the meat-eaters - meat. Then came the speeches. Speech after speech after speech, each as riveting as the last. But seriously, they were good. There was wit and everything. After this, came what was for many, the highlight of the evening. After all, what Summer Ball would be complete with-out the traditional greased pig contest? And, sure enough, as soon as the remains of dinner were cleared away, the pig was released. I think I can safely say that everyone present had a whale of a time (or should that be a pig of a time?) chasing the pig hither and thither until finally catching it and smashing its brains out. The brains were then eaten raw as dessert. How we laughed! After a quick dance to some popular modern dancing music the evening was soon over. The Ball seemed to finish al-most as soon as it had begun and I think I speak for all the Year Thirteens when I express the sadness that dawned on us as we realised that this would be the last time we would gather together as a year group. Apart from Results day, ob-viously. And that day when everyone picks up their result certificates. Most people come to that, don't they? Ted Harbot for Student Speak

While stereotypical artists view the objects around them as simple things to draw, you can view them as things of beauty and value. Anything can be a trigger for the creative spark: its shape, motion, colour or style. You could see it as a tool for the imagination, for speaking the creative mind. Many people create art to express feelings or their personality. Some create art for others to purchase or enjoy. You know what I love the most, the process of creating and learning at the same time. Everyone has an artistic soul you just have to find it.

The result this year for the year 13 art exhi-bition was 83% grade A*-C, many of them will be continuing to study art at University or College, they surely will go on to do great things.

Paulina Szymaniak and Joanna Strong for Student Speak

Reminder to students. Don't forget your: Pencil, Pen, Ink Pen, Highlighters, Mini Highlighters, Coloured Fine liners, Eraser, Sharpener, Col-oured Pencils, 15cm Ruler, 30cm Ruler, Metre Stick, Protractor, Set of Compasses, Ikea Pencil to

go in Compass, Right Angle, That Other Triangle Thing That No-one Knows What It’s For, Calculator, Scis-sors (must not be sharp or able to cut things), Glue Stick, Paper, A3 Paper, A5 Paper, Coloured Paper, Lined Paper, Squared Paper, Calligraphy Paper, Newspa-per, Toilet Paper, PE Kit, Towel (God knows what for), Apron, Cooking Ingredi-ents, Text Books, Note Books, Exercise Books, Dictionary, Thesaurus, Planner and either an Owl, a Cat or a Toad.

ACROSS 1. Location of USA Disney world (7) 4. Open bud at end of stem (6) 7. Cold Continent (10) 10. A clock shows _ (4) 11. Head of the Catholic Church (4) 13. Warns ships of rocky coastline (10) 17. Mobor (anag) (5) 19. Pizza Shop (8) 20. Opposite of Alkaline (4) 23. Only lake in the Lake District (13) DOWN 1. Quicker (6) 2. Porridge (USA) (7) 3. Small insect (3) 5. Eight legged sea creature (7) 6. Break free from control (6) 8. In a ___ Shell (3) 9. To Grow Again (6) 12. House made of ice (5) 14. Shakespeare play (Storm) (5) 15. Highest Mountain (7) 16. Hair growing on face. (5) 17. State of extreme happiness (5) 18. Baby Sheep (4) 21. Chicken (3) 22. Not dog but ___

A NOTE FROM THE EDITOR Once again Student Speak has been produced absolutely free of charge for you to read and it really is the cat‟s pyjamas (don't ask me why, it‟s an old expression). You had better appreciate it because if you don‟t Mr Pattinson has told us to remove your brain organs. So if I was you I would sit and read your Student Speak like the good little Ullswateriteian that you are. To be honest I don‟t even care. If you don‟t like it, we‟re still going to produce it simply for our own amusement and I say hang to you, hang to you all (again, it‟s an old expression, isn't it?). Yours Sincerely

Joe James Editor in Chief

“Get to class. Now!”

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