Thank God My Wife Cheated On Me!

By: JASON THOMAS KICINSKI

Presented By: Jeff Sohler

© 2008 - 2009 Thank God I...®. All Rights Reserved.

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INTRODUCTION

by John Castagnini

IMPORTANT...Please Do Not Skip This Section!

Why this ebook? What makes it so different? Not onlyare these answers important, they are integral to yourunderstanding of the story presented here. Please donot skip over this brief introduction in your eagernessto get to the meat of the ebook itself.

When I first thought to include Thank God I WasRaped as one of the stories for Thank God I...™ Volume1, the concept sent chills through my spine. Couldanyone who’s endured this brutal, horrifying experiencereally embrace these words? Over the years, I’veconsulted with countless women during their raperecovery. I chose the title after witnessing whattranspires for them when they come to this conclusionof gratitude. What became quite apparent over acourse of thousands upon thousands of conversationsis that we only evolve past the mental traum a fromsuch a happening when we can hold “the love for it inour hearts”

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What is meant by “God”?

God — Certainly, the biggest three-letter word evercreated. Grand Organized Designer best describes theGod referred to in the Thank God I...™ books, websiteeducational material and seminars.

The thousands of people sharing their stories in thisseries all perceive God in their own light. Thank GodI...™ is about this network of people, willing to movebeyond having the right “name” for God.

Even the word “God” itself cannot finite the infinite.Rather, God refers to a system governing the brillianceof what is, and is not.

What this book series is not supposed to be.

This series does not condone or promote any of theacts the writers have experienced, nor do we suggestin any way that anyone should either commit any ofthese acts or subject themselves to any of these acts.This series also does not promote or label any specifickind of behavior as “right” or “wrong”, nor were the storieswritten or the book published for the purpose ofsuggesting that anyone rationalize their actions orbehavior.

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In addition, the Thank God I...™ series does not promoteor deny any religion. Rather, it honors the existence ofreligion and all things as part of a perfect creation.

What is Thank God I...™ about?

Our intention with this series is to convey this one keyprinciple: Perfection permeates everything. Each timewe fail to recognize this principle, the next lesson tocome our way will once again offer us the opportunityto see the perfection and break through into freedom.In fact, finding perfection in the pain and pleasure ofour own personal tribulations is the only way we willever liberate ourselves from the bondage of patterns.Whether it comes in a day, a year, or a lifetime away,situations will come into our lives that will force us tobecome thankful for “what was,” and to whole-heartedlyexperience “what is.”

What is meant by “Thanking God”?

During the creation phase of this series, we werefortunate to have as our ever-efficient assistant,Cassandra Gatzow, a beautiful twenty-three-year-oldwriter and poet. Just prior to coming to work with us,Cassandra was diagnosed with cervical cancer. A littleover a year and a half later, the cancer spread and sheleft this world before the first book launched.

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After Cassandra passed, my heart was struck by thewords she put to the page as she endured thisexperience. She wrote of her earth angels and herexplorations as she left her body to “dance with herangels.” She did not write about her passing, she wroteabout Thank God I...™ living as she moved through herlife’s greatest test, and her life’s ending. She viewedeach person, each moment as precious. How fortunateshe was, to see God in the now.

Imagine — this is what she wrote about her cancer:

“Tears fill my eyes daily with gratitude for every momentand every breath. It has allowed me to go after mydreams, to live from my heart, and to be truly free. Ithank God for my cancer and for allowing me to reacha place in me that I don’t think would have beenpossible without this experience. I am now twenty-three and feel that I have stepped into my skin proudly.I have felt an inner peace that many don’t find until laterin life. I am truly grateful for all my earth angels andwant to thank them for sharing with me this wonderfuljourney”

...Cassandra

There are 4 million tasks to accomplish in order tobring the Thank God I...™ network to the standard of ourvision. Thank you, Cassandra, for reminding me why

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Thank God I...™ was conceived in the first place.

Thanking God is about the above. Not just what isabove this sentence; it is about what is above, guidingus at every moment. Beyond the pain, chaos, andconfusion of our circumstance exists true perfection.Thanking God is about finding this perfection. Thisplace of thanking God might seem nearly impossible tofind, but it is the only place we will find ourselves.

Thank God I...™ is true “gratitude”.

Sure, we all hear about the “good things” that people aregrateful for in their lives. But, is this gratitude? ThankGod I...™ gratitude is about a state of being. It is about astate of inspiration, non-judgment, and presence.Thank God I...™ gratitude is beyond the illusion ofpositive or negative. It is beyond the lies of “good” and“evil”. Thank God I...™ . gratitude is about finding God inevery word, thought, and deed. In spirit, we are beyondthe illusion of pain or pleasure and we are present withspirit. Thank God I...™ gratitude is about equal love forall that is, as it is, was, or ever shall become. Gratitudeis loving what we don’t “like” as much as loving what wedo “like”.

The diversity of authors and experiences

The intention of this series is to reach all of humanity,

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every single unique creation. We did not base theselection of contributions to this series upon any faithor religious orientation. Each selected author took aformer challenge into their heart. The diversity ofauthors spans religions, countries, professions, age,race, nationality, and definitely experiences. Theyrange from strippers to doctors, from politicians to stay-at-home moms, and whoever they are, gratitude rules.From alcoholism to molestation or rape, the law ofgratitude prevails with each of our authors.Thankfulness for whatever is, or is not, ultimately rulesevery one of our kingdoms.

The vision of Thank God I...™

Little did I imagine how lightning-fast Thank God I...™would circle the world. This network includesthousands of contributors, reaching millions of people,sharing not only their stories, but also their answers!Beyond the books, and the online community, we offerworldwide conference calls, workshops, and seminars!The vision of this series will provide everyone withinspecific communities information in order to evolvepast the emotions that are holding them back. Thepeople and the project are revolutionary.

“All things in nature proceed from certain necessity andwith the utmost perfection.”

...Baruch Spinoza

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Thank God

My Wife Cheated On Me!

JASON THOMAS KICINSKI

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How could a man who teaches others aboutrelationships be so powerless in his own marriage? I'dbeen taught that all of life is a gift. What good couldpossibly come from losing the most important person inmy life right in front of my eyes? How could life be sobrutal and brutally unfair? Humiliation engulfed me. Itwas a clear-cut case of physician, heal thyself.

Seeing my wife in another man's arms was one of themost surreal moments in my life. It seemed to confirmevery negative judgment I had of myself. A volcaniceruption of self-defeating thoughts and emotionssaturated my consciousness at the sight of my belovedkissing another man. Impotent loser... cowardly failure!What had I done to deserve this?

When I experienced this most personal of betrayals,my life immediately felt so overwhelming, I would havewelcomed any other distraction -- including intensephysical pain. Unanswerable questions plagued me:What did I do wrong? Why do I feel guilty? Why do Ifeel like a failure when someone else's actions put mein this situation? Why? Why? Why?

On top of these deeply emotional questions, other big-picture questions splintered my mind. What drivessomeone to betrayal What must I learn about myselfwhile enduring these chaotic times? How will I grow if Ican make it to the other side? Will I ever feel vital,

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loving, or vulnerable again? Will I ever get rid of thisnumbing sense of detachment, which is my only refugefrom the agony of misguided Eros?

I saw my parents grow through their own personaldivorce hells, yet they were clearly better off after theirseparation. I experienced their divorce as a painful yetnecessary part of our family's sanity. I counseledcouples and individuals who dealt with personalrelationship and divorce issues. I was supposed tohave all the answers on healing relationships... yet myown marriage crumbled. I could not escape the senseof hypocrisy, the cruel torment. Why me?

My melodrama began in high school. I began datingthe girl who became both my wife and then my ex. Shewas my first real girlfriend -- and the first person withwhom I shared any real intimacy. Dating this beautifulgirl immediately gave me a sense of my manhood.

I no longer felt like the unmanly nerd girls viewed asonly a friend. I got to play hero, help her with her stuff,and even attend the prom. I truly began to connect withthe opposite sex in a way I had always dreamed. Itwasn't all wonderful, though.

When my girlfriend returned from college orientationshe told me she wanted the freedom to see otherpeople. I couldn't eat, breathe, concentrate, or study.

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I'd successfully maintained the masculine power roleup to this point, now I groveled and begged her to takeme back. It felt more like pity when she relented.

Without question, this event altered the power structurewithin our relationship and foreshadowed its eventualgrand finale.

As college graduation neared, my attachment to hergrew even stronger. Over Christmas break, she agreedto marry me. Soon we were living together as fullyfunctioning adults in a new city. I excelled at work,which led to another move, another new city, andanother setting. This setting became the stage for myfirst -- but not last -- intense humbling.

After a series of successes at work, everythingchanged... seemingly overnight. Just a few weeks priorI was the conquering hero at work; then suddenly I fellout of favor with management. Work instantly becamea nightmare. I turned even more to my wife for mysense of manliness and worth. (Do you notice a patternhere?)

I worked intensely on myself to understand why thingshad gone wrong so quickly. I changed jobs, attendedseminars all around the world, and read as much as Icould. During these times of painful growth, my exunderwent her own series of trials and personal

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realizations. She continued to take classes and finallyfound her vocational calling. While my future filled withconfusion, hers now filled with hope and clarity -- I amclear the timing was no accident.

Fortunately, I found a series of teachers who helpedilluminate my path through the turbulent darkness.They taught me in ways that integrated my spiritualcuriosity with my logical engineering left brain. Idiscovered I had a natural ability to teach others what Ilearned.

While still working a full-time job, I began speaking andhelping others through seminars and consultations. Inhindsight, it happened rather quickly, yet I feltcompletely alive and vital while working with clients.

My wife was initially enthusiastic about my newfoundcareer. This enthusiasm was short-lived, however, asher desire for an identity outside of "myshadow" grew and grew. Simultaneously, I beganto have doubts that we were on the same path. Weeach benefited so much from our experiences, yetneither of us could find a sense of peace in therelationship. Although very successful in helping myclients, I didn't have the client volume to make a full-time transition out of corporate America. My wife wasabout to graduate from college and -- as I found outsoon enough -- from me.

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I noticed a major change when she spoke of herclassmates. One particular person always seemed tobe in all her stories. I was truly happy and excited forher success in school and her new career, yet themore I tried to be a part of her future, the more shepushed me away. She was confused about her placein our marriage. She spent more and more time withher friends from school.

I became more and more frustrated that I could not getmy business off the ground full-time.

In a flash, the house of cards came tumbling down. Isuspected this one particular classmate was more thanjust a friend, so I followed her to his home onemorning. I caught them in full lip-lock. I was stunned,angry, sad, and yet strangely glad to know exactlywhat was going on. I learned a lot about my ex in thenext few weeks. What followed for me was not a blamedynamic, however, but one of extreme personal abuse.I stood by her through her tough times, apparently Iwasn't worthy of loyalty in return.

Despite all my training, my success in helping others,and all the benefits I experienced from my parentsdivorce; intense feelings of inadequacy, futility, andimpotence overtook me. Every self-defeating thoughtI'd ever had about myself rushed to the surface. WhenI discussed this situation with my wife, she told me he

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had every one of my good qualities yet none of my badones. She had found her Prince Charming, her soulmate. I found only... myself. (Writing this paragraphhurts!) Many things in life are simple, yet not easy! Icould not shake an intense feeling of hypocrisy.

I was supposed to have all the answers. Yet, in truth, Idid have all the answers -- I knew them from all mystudies, clients, and experiences. Despite all the pain,suffering, and melodrama, I knew intuitively andintrinsically that we were better off apart. I knew lifewas my mirror, and that life's challenges were reallygifts. I knew I wanted only to be with someone whowanted to be with me. Yet none of this mentalunderstanding seemed to alleviate the unrelentingemotional turmoil.

During an intense meditation something began toshake the confusion from my consciousness. Asalways, a series of questions moved me through mydilemma: Do I love her more like a daughter or a wife?whispered my unconscious, eerily similar to thatfamous scene in Field of Dreams. I could not deny thetruth -- which was immediately confirmed by myrecollection of something she had casually mentionedbefore: that she cared for me like a father and teacher.

I immediately listened to and answered other questionsthat flowed to and through me:

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Is she really the right person for me and my future?

(No! But why?)

Then, with this little bit of momentum, I really began toconsult myself in a bizarre Spinoza-like self-analysis. Iwas at peace mentally with the relationship ending, buthow would I pull myself from the emotional insanity?What questions broke me from my cage?

In working with clients, I always worked from a seriesof Universal Truths. These truths were the only tools Ihad to tame my internal melodrama. As they are trulyuniversal, they help anyone in times of crisis. Thesetruths consist of a few clear ideas:

1) Life is a Mirror. What we judge in others is our own reflection -- Our own "Stuff"

2) All things have an inherent balance of supportive and challenging energy.

3) All things serve!

(Of course I cannot relay all of my self-analysis here,but here are the key questions and realizations thattransformed my experience.)

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First question: What really, truly hurts about thisbreakup? The answer? Betrayal! I had given her somuch... I sacrificed... I would have done anything...yada yada yada.

Second question: Who have I betrayed? Who feels Ihave betrayed them? While I could see the answerincluded a few people at work and in my family, andmy wife to a small extent, freedom flowed from therealization that I'd betrayed myself for far too long! Howdoes one betray oneself? I had not been true to mypath, my wisdom, and my own value system! I hadsublimated my inner calling in order to live atemporarily less painful -- more normal -- life. I'd deniedmy own manhood, masculinity, and self-worth. Is it anywonder the person closest to me did me the greatestservice by showing me the folly of my ways? This wasin truth her greatest gift to me. She forced me to find,love, and appreciate myself in a way I'd yearned to dothroughout the first thirty years of my life!

Third question: Why was I infatuated with her? Whatdid she provide me that I felt was missing in myself?Beauty, sexual power, and a sense of"manliness" were the prime answers. As Ibegan to really dig for these answers -- the answers Ihad helped so many of my clients find previously -- itbecame obvious that our relationship had quitesuccessfully taken each of us as far as it could. I also

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made sure that I owned every trait I perceived in myex's new lover.

Finding my mirror in my wife's new lover was quitechallenging, yet it became a truly profound event in mylife. What form did my attractiveness, youth, vitality,power, and so on take? Finding my masculinity wasthe biggest challenge, however I learned from Deida'sSuperior Man that a man cannot truly feel successful(and manly) unless he feels he is on purpose. Once Irealized that I clearly was on purpose -- albeit clearlynot patient enough -- the other discrepancies began tovanish. I found the people in my life who saw meexactly as my wife saw Mr. Right. I also got back toworking out, eating properly, and studying again.

As I sat there, I found myself feeling strangely guilty,considering the circumstances. Yet when I got 100%clear that I had provided my wife with the sameassistance in finding herself -- in loving herself -- theguilt dissolved. You see, guilt in these dynamicsusually stems from one of two ideas: either that SOBdid something horrible to me, generating the victimillusion, or, somewhat more unconsciously, that SOBactually gave me more than I gave in return. I was ableto clear both of these issues, using the wisdom of theUniversal Truths I stated above.

Not all relationships are meant to last forever! Despite

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our best intentions and vows, the truth is that people --and therefore relationships -- change over time. My exgave me a tremendous, albeit tremendously painful,lesson in the nature of unconditional love. She gaveme everything she had left to give. She walked theplank and took the courageous road, in retrospect,though few would see it that way. She could havestayed in an unfulfilling marriage offering security butlittle joy; but instead she chose the more difficult road. Istill have a profound love for her today.

Looking back, there were a million signs that mymarriage was not meant to be a permanent one. Still, Ihave found tremendous value in the pain of mycircumstance. I have found myself. To say it hasallowed me to empathize and understand my clientsbetter would be a significant understatement. And yet Ihave received so much more...

FREEDOM: to fully explore the edges of my mind... totravel wherever I wish with whomever I wish... to neverhave to ask permission to go or do as I please... tospend countless hours in self-analysis and realization...to move near the ocean... to meet new people... to findthe next love of my life, one with a value system moreresonant with my own. Thank God my wife cheated onme!

PUSH: to consciously get back on track of my MVP

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(Mission/ Vision/Purpose), to finally love the parts ofmyself that were screaming for attention over theyears, to capture the lessons I learned, so that I wouldbe able to help others more profoundly, to break thecycle of stagnation. Thank God my wife cheated on me!

LOVE: to detach her issues from my own . . . to end adynamic I did not have the strength to end myself. Inaddition to an extremely amicable divorce (we bothunderstood the need to own our own shit), the greatestgift she gave me was the space to live the life I wasmeant to live -- and truly could not have done whilemarried to a woman with her value system. Thank Godmy wife cheated on me!

I could go on and on -- and have already spentcountless hours doing so -- but the key points arehopefully clear. I leave you with a few relationshiptruths:

Feelings of loneliness are usually calls to find and appreciate oneself again.

Feelings of loss are usually a sign of an infatuation stemming from a denied part one's own psyche or personality. The beauty of the pain that bubbles to the surface after a relationship ends is the opportunity to find and

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love parts of oneself previously denied.

CAUTION: If you do not take the opportunity to findand love these aspects of yourself, you will absolutely,unequivocally attract another relationship that will yieldthe same opportunity -- with a little extra pain incentive!

One's quality of life -- and relationships in particular --is proportional to one's aptitude for appreciation. If youare looking to transcend a certain relationshipvibration, ask the type of questions I asked myself. Mygrowth, personal evolution, and ontological perspectivehave primarily sprung from my life's great humblings.

Without question, I have seen that personalrealizations release one from individual personal hells.I am truly grateful to God, my ex, and her lover, as theygave me myself! Love and appreciation are theanswer. Find them and you shall find the freedom youseek.

Jason Thomas Kicinski graduated from CarnegieMellon University with a degree in ChemicalEngineering, and has worked with corporate andprofessional organizations since 1995. He foundedKicinski Breakthrough Artistry [KBA] to facilitatecorporate breakthroughs and personal transformations.KBA offers a series of lectures and seminars as well ascoaching and consulting services that empower

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people to take inspired action. Areas of focus includedivorces & stressful relationships, prosperityconsciousness & wealth attraction, and unclearpurpose for life as well as the 3 corporate pillars ofpersonnel management and organizational excellence:Motivation, Communication, and Devotion. Jason alsoprovides ghostwriting services including many of thestories in this book. Jason's first book, BreakthroughSecrets to Live Your Dreams and acclaimed audioprogram The Mirror: An Audio Guide to Seeing,Owning, and Transforming Your Life can be foundthrough the KBA Website:http://www.BreakthroughArtist.com. He can also becontacted at his office: 219-629-5614

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