Campaigns for the KCLMS Student Council elections have begun in earnest before the opening of polls next Tuesday. Today's Abacus Lon-don has the latest news: on page 2 readers can learn about the enig-matic candidate RON; on pages 6 and 7 you will find expert analysis

and details of the candidates and issues at stake; there you will also find our first exclusive interview, with Student Voice candidate Charlie Sewell. Hustings begin on Friday, and the Abacus returns with full coverage of the race in a special edition on Monday.

Source: poll of 26 KCLMS students

by Jack Darrant

Students, alumni and staff at King's College London and its asso-ciated institutions (including KCLMS) expressed their delight as u n i v e rs i t y m a n a ge m e n t a n-nounced plans to 're-brand' the world-class institution. The univer-sity's branding consultants (whose report cost a trivial £300,000) have found that the word 'College' has been confusing potential under-graduates, who, it seems, may struggle to distinguish KCL from a secondary school or a Cambridge college. Understandably, the Uni-versity is desperate to recruit stu-dents with such unbeatable re-search, observation and deduction skills, so it has accepted the sug-gestion that it change its name to King's London. The re-brand will also feature the adoption of a new, minimalist, logo.

These popular changes prompted the Abacus to hire its own brand-ing consultants, who discovered that would-be readers are con-fused by the title. They are unable to understand that is is a newspa-per and not a counting aid. So to-day, the newspaper re-launches as Abacus London, with a stylish, minimalist masthead.

KCLMS Rocks The Vote

World Embraces 'King's London' Rebrand!

Abacus LondonSpecial Election Edition (#6)

2 Abacus London

KCLMS was let scratching its col-lective head yesterday when it e m e rge d t h a t a m y s te r i o u s student, RON, has nominated him-self for every single post on the Student Council. It seems that RON, who nobody the Abacus spoke to could recall ever seeing, has managed to skew the electoral rules and will now be immune from elimination at any round of the AV ballot.

So who is RON? Investigation by the Abacus reveals that RON (Ron Or Nothing) is a robot constructed by Harry Potter fanatics in a bid to establish Potterdom's authority over KCLMS and its (increasingly rebellious) colony, the Kingdom of Kudos. We have learned that the Weasley lookalike RON intends to

win and take up all 6 seats on the Student Council, which would im-mediately seek to depose KCLMS authorities and install himself as Emperor. In order to infiltrate the school, it is understood that RON has disguised himself as a less robotic (and less wizardy) member of the student body.

Observers noted that RON will face numerous challenges. Firstly, RON will struggle to win an election whilst pretending to be somebody else. In particular, it will be difficult for RON to appear at the hustings when his very presence at the school is intended to remain a se-cret. Secondly, RON is unlikely to be accepted by the school's Potter fan community, who will oppose the rule of anybody without the charisma and emotional instability of Harry, or the curiously seductive sheer evilness of Lord Voldemort.

However, RON has a surprising source of support in Heros Herosi-nos, the exiled leader of the Kudos Liberation Front. Sources close to Heros told the Abacus that 'Heros would welcome a coup by RON in KCLMS, because there is no way that Kudossers would accept his rule. Especially not ater that fight he had with Harry. There'd be a revolution and soon Kudossers would be a free and proud nation of goat shepherds once more.'

by Varun

2014 has turned into its grave; from its ashes, the fire of 2015 has been awoken. This may be the biggest year so far, and not just be-cause it is one integer larger than the previous year. As we - students and staff of KCLMS - will be looking to enjoy our first complete year at this institution, it is in fact true that 2015 is the Year of the Mathemati-cian! As always, there will be plen-ty happening in the next twelve months: some things that are ex-pected…and some that may come as a surprise. Ask different people what they look forward and they will most certainly say 'birthdays', 'a new leaf', or 'resolutions' (that last a day before crumbling like sandcastles near the sea).

I for one am absolutely thrilled a b o u t t h e n e w S p o n g e B o b SquarePants movie releasing in a couple of months and I'm proud to scream it out on a newspaper read by dozens of people. Also returning to the screens is Disney's Star Wars Episode VI (hopefully without the likes of Jar Jar Binks), Terminator Genisys starring Arnie, and James Bond 24. On the less movie-related note, this is the year that could shape the UK, as we count down to the stepping down of David Cameron (Woo-hoo! Ed.), more for-mally known as the General Elec-tion. So what does 2015 have to of-f e r ? 3 6 5 . 2 5 d a y s , m o v i e s , birthdays, and many more articles from me. Have a great year, all!

RON? Who the heck is RON?

What's New in 2015?

Election news continued on page 6

3Abacus London

by HJ

On the 15th of December, KCLMS previewed its first ever rendition of 'A Christmas Carol' which was highly anticipated by all the stu-dents and teachers for weeks. The cast worked hard over the past few weeks and prepared 30 minutes of pure entertainment and in the words of Zoe Loughton (who played Bob Cratchit and Belle) "the best thing you'll see in your whole life, you won't leave disappointed" - and we sure didn't!

Minutes before the play, the stu-dents of KCLMS started to pile into the hall excited to see this produc-tion take place. Animated chatter died down, the double doors closed as the lights dimmed for the start of the play. Christmas music

started playing as the cast of four (Zoe Loughton, Marcus Waller, Lau-ren Tidmarsh and Kay Edozie) started to decorate the stage with tinsel and presents whilst Ebenez-er Scrooge (Oscar Finegan) stood back facing the audience clad in a red robe. Unexpectedly, Scrooge lashed out and started to destroy the Christmas vibe and this was when the performance truly began.

The play began with the classic scene of Bob Cratchit (Zoe Loughton) asking Scrooge for a day off, Scrooge reluctantly agree-ing to allow Mr Cratchit a day off.

Scrooge's nephew (Marcus Waller) decided to visit and invite him to a party and as expected, Scrooge de-clined quite rudely so. The follow-ing night, Scrooge was warned by his friend Jacob Marley (Lauren Tidmarsh) about his selfish ways

and told him that if he decided not to change he would be visited by three ghosts. The first ghost of Christmas past (Kay Edozie) took Scrooge back into his past and showed him his mistakes and his selfishness. The ghost of Christmas present (Lauren Tidmarsh) showed Scrooge Bob Cratchit's family and their suffering especially Tiny Tim's illness. The last ghost of Christmas future (Marcus Waller) bounded onto the stage holding a gun and started shooting at thin air, he took Scrooge into the future and showed him the tragic death of Tiny Tim (played by a pair of eyes) and the death of Scrooge. The play ended with Scrooge giving money to homeless people, being nice to Bob Cratchit by feeding their fami-ly and making amends with his nephew.

To sum this play up in a couple of words it was, modern, hilarious and perfectly Christmassy - this was the perfect way to end 2014.

1. Where did 2014 go? We'd only just got used to it.

2. Why-oh-why do people have to keep mucking around and changing things?

3. Does a bunch of people standing in the cold to watch some fireworks really consti-tute breaking news?

4. Which Student Council candi-dates will back our campaign f o r a f r e e i c e c r e a m dispenser?

“It was heartfelt in the honesty of the characters but most importantly it was fun and funny” - Mr Abramson

10 Things We Want To

Know

Christmas Stars Shine in Performance

4 Abacus London

MCO

1. Could you solve a 17 x 17 x 17 Rubik's Cube faster than a fire-breathing pig?

2. Prove it.

3. If it costs a certain university £300,000 to devise a new name for itself- one that sounds a lot like a new brand of atershave- what is the total weight of Magnum ice creams it could have instead pur-chased and given to its students?

4. Have you solved the Team Pi '12 Days of Christmas' Challenge? If not, why not? Write a full algebraic proof.

STEP

1. Which university is better: Ox-ford or Cambridge? Without using a calculator, justify your answer, remembering that this is a Cam-bridge admissions test.

MME

A student is sitting at a table, upon which their homework, 'Revise, re-vise mechanics with a hat?' rests, suspended between two pulleys with weights of 0 kg.

1. What is the moment at the point where the student realises what on earth the title is about?

2. A 17 x 17 Rubik's Cube is hurled at the homework and the two ob-jects coalesce. The perplexing, multi-coloured omnimystery trav-els at a velocity of e metres per second. What was the Rubik's

Cube's initial velocity?

Physics

1. A biopic of Stephen Hawking, the Theory of Everything, was re-leased last week. Hawking's book, which you might have heard of, a Brief History of Time, was pub-lished at some distant point in the past and has actual sciency stuff in it. Prepare a five minute presenta-tion in which you explain which should feature on the A-Level Physics curriculum.

2. One train is heading north at 80 mph, another is heading south at 230 mph. Given that one train is in Norway and the other is on the Cir-cle Line, calculate the length of time it will take for them to collide.

Computing

1. Write a Python program that will verify Czech cheques using a check digit.

EPQ

1. When is the right time to stop celebrating Christmas? Prepare a 2,000 word essay by yesterday af-ternoon, providing documentary evidence that you read at least fourteen books as sources.

N.B. By documentary evidence, we mean a video recording of you reading the books; a sworn state-ment by the librarian who lent them to you; signed letters from the respective authors; and per-sonal confirmation from forensic technicians that your fingerprints were found on every page of each book.

5. What is the annual output of fire-breathing pig produce from pig farms in the Euclidi-an plane?

6. Can we have a checklist of holiday checklists?

7. Is anybody upset about the demise of Internet Explorer?

8. If KCL was so desperate to spend £300k, couldn't it have given its students a Magnum each, instead of hiring some branding consultants?

9. Why hasn't TfL introduced triple-decker buses yet?

10. Which tree-climbing sen-tient Blob best represents our feelings towards DAB radio?

Image source: YouTube.com

Kenneth Brandon has stunned the world by solving the fiendishly dif-ficult 17-square version of the Ru-bik's Cube puzzle. It took Brandon seven hours to find the solution out of 66.9 quinquagintatrecentil-lion (that's 10 to the power of 1,053) possible combinations. Talking to Buzzfeed, he advised would-be solvers to follow the "re-duction method", organising the centre of each face before sorting the edges.

Man Solves 17 x 17 Rubik's Cube

The Revision Guide

5Abacus London

By HJ

If you haven't heard of "The Inter-view" then where is your pop cul-ture knowledge? (You know, it is actually OK for people reading newspapers to um, not know the news yet! Ed.) The Interview is an American political comedy, star-ring Seth Rogen and James Franco as journalists instructed to assassi-nate Kim Jong-Un ater booking an interview with him in North Korea.

The release of the film was met by a lot of complications, in June 2014 the North Korean govern-ment threatened the United States if Columbia Pictures went ahead with the release. The release was delayed from October to December and apparently edited to be more acceptable. In November, Sony Pictures were hacked by a group called "Guardians of Peace" who leaked upcoming Sony films and other sensitive information. They referred to the movie as "the

movie of terrorism" and threat-ened terrorist attacks against cine-mas that showed The Interview. Guardians of Peace was found to be allegedly connected to North Korea.

Sony cancelled the actual release of The Interview which fuelled a lot of criticism from the media, Holly-wood figures and President Barack Obama. Despite this, Sony made The Interview available for online rental and purchase on the 25th of December which earned them $15 million online.

Ater all that, the film hit another hurdle. Critics.

Most seemed underwhelmed by the film and went out of their way to slam the movie; the only silver lining was that Randall Park (who plays Kim Jong-Un) was consis-tently praised.

More interestingly, an activist from South Korea has revealed plans to

drop 100,000 copies of the film into North Korea as an attempt to "break down a personality cult" that has been built around Kim Jong-Un. This has obviously en-raged many North Korean officials who are against the release of the film and are afraid of the film get-ting into North Korea, in which unauthorised viewing of Western or Japanese media is a very seri-ous, but nevertheless widespread crime.

Some of you might be wondering who Kim Jong-Un actually is and a small minority may be googling him right this moment but you don't have to. I already did, and google certainly delivered with a set of very funny answers. The first thing that comes up is "kim jong un looking at things" more specifi-cally a lot of them feature internet meme styled images of the North Korean leader looking at cake or a variety of things that Kim Jong-Un has mistaken for cake.

So what is it about Kim Jong-Un that makes the internet so ready to mock him and Seth Rogen to write a political comedy about assassi-nating the North Korean leader? That question is a little harder with a range of factors that play a part in the worldwide mocking of Kim Jong-Un. For the moment, I hope you can enjoy this little edit I put together and let you consider whether or not you would like to see The Interview.

The Interview That Made Kim Jong Un-happy

6 Abacus London

by Jack Darrant

We've all seen the curiously over-sized ballot papers, solved the mysteries of the Alternative Vote, RON and the election timetable. But who, or what, is actually being decided at this election? All is ex-plained below.

Futures, or Minister for Power-points, is one of the hotter con-tests, with an all-female list of can-didates consisting of Alice, Gwen, Kay and Ursula. The latter has made the quantum leap of using whiteboard space to advertise her campaign, opening a fresh battle-ground for candidates. The Futures rep will have an input into the se-lection of Monday morning lec-tures and careers/HE events. We therefore hope that candidates will support our calls for lectures on business from Bill Gates, physics and keyboard playing from Brian Cox, and advanced geometry from Ciley Myrus.

The role of Chair (Minister without Portfolio), or also has no shortage of candidates: Joseph, Lauren, Lib-by, Mohammad and Oscar. Thus far we've heard little about the candi-dates' ideas for the crucial job of making the Council work. It's also unclear how much of a hands-on approach the contenders plan to take: do they want to 'support' the committee or do they want extend their powers and try to lead it? We also anticipate fierce debate be-tween candidates about the KCLMS' continued occupation of the Kingdom/ Democratic Republic

of Kudos and whether it should be ceded to the Illuminati.

Treasurer: Lauren, Libby, Moham-mad, Oscar, Jack and Joselyn are candidates.

The Community and Environment (Minister for Bins) portfolio is being contested by Amy, Elliot, Libby, and Riu. The keenly anticipated key issue- the scandalous bin shortage- has already been re-solved, so there's nothing let to discuss, right? Wrong. How do the candidates propose to make the school more sustainable, and how would they make a meaningful re-duction in our carbon footprint? How can KCLMS connect to the lo-cal community? Should the school 'get back to nature' and abandon modern distractions like the built environment and technology, in favour of sitting in fields and mak-ing daisy chains?

Unless you count RON, there are just two candidates for Secretary (Chief Pen Pusher): Zoe and Hao Jing. Although it is more of a tech-nocratic rather than a policy-heavy role, it is nevertheless important. Voters will want to know how they plan to administrate the Council, and also how they will co-ordinate the ever growing array of clubs and societies. How will the Secretary prevent the school being infiltrated by more megalomaniac killer robots like RON? Should the Secre-tary seek to prevent it?

The Student Voice (Official Man of the People) role is being contested by Amin, Charlie and Chris; it is the only role with no woman candi-date. A major component of the job will be campaigning, as the rep has a mandate to raise any issue of concern with the Council. In that sense, the election will probably touch on a broader range of issues than any of the other jobs. We wonder if topics such as the 'King's London' rebrand will come up?

If you want to learn more, come along to the hustings and better still: read the next edition of the Abacus which comes out on Mon-day! We will be interviewing many of the candidates and scrutinising claims and promises made at the hustings.

The expert analysis: someone will be elected to every post. The can-didates that are elected will be fairly well-liked, seen as able to do the job and will have some popular ideas.

The future direction of the campaign?

Your guide to the contests

7Abacus London

The Student Voice rep is amongst the most important members of the new Student Council. The suc-cessful candidate will have a unique mandate to be the cam-paigning and pastoral representa-tive for the student body. In an ex-clusive interview with the Abacus, Charlie Sewell revealed his vision for the role.

Charlie explained his motivation for seeking to be the campaigning voice of his peers: "I really care about the people here, and I want to be more social with them and make sure they get their way."

Nursing a cup of hot chocolate in one hand, he seemed completely at ease. Peppering his answers with his typical, oten edgy humour, here was a man who hid his drive and ambition behind an intensely relaxed persona. His poli-cy platform reflected this. "At cer-tain times of the day I'd be in a place, and if anybody wanted to come and talk to me, I'd be there. They could come and raise their ideas. Sort of [like a surgery]."

"I'd like to think that I have a good experience of life already. So if any-body had I problem I might be able to fix it."

Does he think he'll win? "Probably not. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to try." Indeed for what it's worth, Charlie is probably less out-

going and well known than his ri-vals, Chris and Amin. However, the outcome is far from fixed yet, so who knows what may develop in this race?

The Abacus asked if Charlie for his views on the candidates for the other five seats that are up-for-grabs. It seemed that he'd given a lot of thought to them. "I'd proba-bly like to see Oscar as Chair, Jack as Treasurer, Riu as Environment [rep], Zoe as Secretary and Alice as Futures. I'm quite confident in that team."

by Amy Sellers

The famed engineer Brunel, was born Isambard Kingdom Brunel on t h e 9 t h o f A p r i l 1 8 0 6 i n Portsmouth. His father was a French engineer who had fled France during the revolution; this meant Brunel was educated in both France and England: Hove, near Brighton, and the Henri Qua-tre in Paris.

In 1830, Brunel won a competition to design a bridge that would span the River Avon; his original design was rejected, but an improved ver-sion was accepted. This would lat-er be called the Cliton Suspension Bridge, but it wasn't completed un-til 1864 (ater Brunel's death).

In 1833, Brunel was given the job of chief engineer of the Great West-ern Railway- the main aim was to build a railway that ran between Bristol and London. Brunel sur-veyed the whole of the route him-

self, and decided to use a different technique in its manufacture. Tra-ditionally, a standard gauge had been used in England when manu-facturing, however Brunel chose to use a broad gauge instead as he believed this would allow for larger carriages and higher speeds. Al-though a risky decision; the Great Western Railway was highly praised in Victorian Britain.

This success lead to a huge en-hancement of Brunel's popularity and he soon became very much in demand; he was later commis-sioned to design Paddington Sta-tion which opened in 1854.

Ater the Great Western Railway was completed, he became inter-ested in steam ships; and wanted passengers to be able to travel from London to Bristol, and then Bristol to New York. In 1838, Brunel's steamship, 'The Great Western', became one of the first steamships to cross the Atlantic Ocean by steam power alone. At the time, it was longest ship in the world.

Among Brunel's other projects, he designed the Chepstow railway bridge which opened in 1852, and two more steamships: The Great Britain and The Great Eastern (I'm detecting a bit of a theme here... Ed.).

On September 5th 1859, Brunel suffered a stroke and died ten days later aged 53. As a celebrated engi-neer, his legacy lives on. Brunel University in London is named af-ter him, as is the engineering labo-ratory at the University of Ply-mouth. Many of his bridges are still in use today, and his first engineer-ing project, the Thames Tunnel is now a part of the London Over-ground network.

Who was Isambard

Kingdom Brunel?

Charlie: I'd Be

There For Students

8 Abacus London

Inspirational Quote #6 - E. Murrow - David Hannington