the art of self-coaching @ stanford gsb, class 1: beginnings
TRANSCRIPT
The art of
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
self-coachingEd Batista
Class 1: April 3, 2015
Class 1
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Beginnings
Photo by Judy van der Velden [link]
Photo by Alex Eflon [link]
Where are we
Learning community
High-level concepts
Logistics
going?
How will we
Very brief lectures
Two activities
Photo by Chloe Fan [link]
get there?
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Workingagreements
I will…
Give you my best
Welcome input
End on time
What else would be helpful for you?
Workingagreements
Workingagreements
I ask you to…
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Workingagreements
I ask you to…
Start on time
Working
I ask you to…
Challenge yourself
agreements
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Working
I ask you to…
Respectconfidentiality
agreements
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Working
I ask you to…
Minimizedistractions
agreements
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Working
I ask you to…
Start on time
Challenge yourself
Respect confidentiality
Minimize distractions
Can we all commit to this?
agreements
Who am I?
Coaching/self-coaching
An exercise
Coaching tools
Partnerships
Logistics
Today’s agenda
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Who am I?Instructor
Leadership Labs & Fellows
Touchy Feely
Class of 2000
Executive coach & HBR contributor
www.edbatista.com
Why coachingmatters to me…
Started as a client
Changed my view of leadership
Impact on hundreds of students & clients
Why self-coachingdoes, too
1%
6 to 24 months
Help my students & clients help themselves
What’s coaching?
Not advising or mentoring
Not diagnostic
Coachee owns the agenda
Coachee has the answers
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
Guiding our own growth & development
Not a solitary experience, but self-directed
Coaching partners are essential
You’ll have 2 in this course
& self-coaching?
Photo by Seth Anderson [link]
Positive
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psychology
Positivepsychology
Study of what makes life most worth living
Equally focused on strengths & weaknesses
Robust research to date
Risk of social comparison
Sense of agency We blame ourselves
Avoid triumph & despair
Get curious instead
The downside
Joyful learning
Yerkes-Dodson Law (Harvard, 1908)
Arousal improves performance up to a point
Some stress increases learning
Too much stress diminishes learning
Joyful learning
Stress
Learning
Joyful learning
Hans Selye, Université de Montréal
Eustress & distress
Joyful learning
Stress
Learning
Eustress Distress
Joyful learning
Judy Willis
Teachers limit stress levels Students learn more
Joyful learning
Stress
Learning
Eustress Distress
Critical to avoid the tipping point
Safety, trust,
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intimacy
CONTEXTLearning,
Awareness,
& Behavioral
Change
Experimentation,
Risk-Taking,
& Vulnerability
Safety, Trust, Intimacy
Initial Conditions
Safety, trust,intimacy
Built through relationships
A critical skill for self-coaching
You’ll practice in here with partners
Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, Empathize
Coaching tools
Ask
Edgar Schein
Help doesn’t always help
What’s a better way?
Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
Begin with receptivity
Avoid presumptive questions
Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
2. Diagnostic inquiry
Focus & redirect
Feelings, motives, actions
Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
2. Diagnostic inquiry
3. Confrontational inquiry
Introduce new ideas & hypotheses
Substitute the coach’s narrative
Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
Modes of inquiry
1. Pure inquiry
2. Diagnostic inquiry
3. Confrontational inquiry
We tend to move too quickly
Critical to check our assumptions
Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
Ask better
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questions
Ask better
Get beyond Yes or No
What…? & How…? > Why…?
More reflection, less defensiveness
questions
Ask better
No leading questions
That’s advocacy, not coaching
questions
Ask better
One more tip…
Ask once & stop
questions
Coaching tools
Ask, Listen
Listening skills
Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
Listening skills
Hearing ≠ listening
How they feel > what you hear
Make them feel heard
Listening skills
Focused attention > time
Cultivate presence
Eye contact
No multi-tasking
Eliminate distractions
Coaching tools
Ask, Listen, Empathize
Brené Brown*
Shame & empathy
Edgar Schein
Shame in helping relationships
Shame &
Shame = We are flawed & unworthy of love
Empathy = The antidote to shame
empathy
Shame &
Shame = Unravels relationships & connections
Empathy = Creates closeness & meaning
empathy
Shame &
Seeking help typically triggers shame
(or embarrassment or vulnerability)
empathy
Shame &
But typical helping responses block empathy
1. “My problem’s worse”
2. “Look on the bright side”
3. “Here’s some advice…”
empathy
Shame &
Instead…
1. Respect their view & avoid judgment
2. Look for, sense & validate feelings
3. Express understanding
empathy
Traps for the coach
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Traps for the coach
Giving advice prematurely
Overpowering resistance
Taking on the problem
Stereotyping
Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
Course logistics
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Everything’s on Canvas
Syllabus = Home page & PDF
All readings = PDFs or websites
Assignments = Left menu & bottom of Syllabus
Course logistics
Contact me (also in Syllabus)
Email, phone, text are all fine
Generally 8am-6pm
Grading
Attendance 30%
Weekly assignments 40%
Final paper 30%
Pass/fail allowed
3.45 mean GPA
Attendance
It matters
A lot
Unexcused absences = grade impact
More than 1 may = U
Written work
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Written work
8 weekly assignments, 1000 word limit
Final paper, 5000 word limit
Deadline is always Wednesday @ 6pm
Written work
The content is up to you
Responses to course materials & experiences
No specific questions, prompts or requirements
Written work
5 grading criteria:
Timely
Personal
Conceptual
Well-crafted
1:1 Meetings
Entirely optional, no impact on grade
Wednesdays & Fridays
Default = Meet in front of Bass & go for a walk
