the good bull: november 2013 issue

8
NOVEMBER 2013 THEGOODBULL.COM TEXAS A&M’S INDEPENDENT STUDENT VOICE FOR TRADITION BY CAROLINE PETERSON On November 26, 2013 at “Dark Thir- ty” (8 p.m.), Bonfire is set to burn. This year, Bonfire will feature former Fightin’ Texas Aggie football coach Jackie Sher - rill as the Burn Night speaker. Sherill was a known advocate for tradition and Texas A&M culture while coaching at A&M, where he was even known to participate in Bonfire. Bonfire was a thriving university tra- dition for over 90 years until November 18th, 1999 when the stack collapsed and took 12 lives. The Bonfire did not burn that year. Instead, a candlelight vigil was held at Kyle Field before Yell Practice. In honor of the 12 lives lost, the Bonfire Memorial was constructed on the site of the accident. The official Bonfire was discontin- ued, but a new organization called Stu- dent Bonfire has carried on the tradition by holding an off campus bonfire that is unaffiliated with the University. Student Bonfire is divided into crews based on where the involved Aggies live. Aggies the build the hell outta Bonfire build not only Bonfire, but relationships that can last a lifetime. Student Bonfire has continued this tradition with their ac- tivities. Matt March is the yellowpot for OC Hogs, which is a position in the Student Bonfire organization. A yellowpot is a leader and supervisor of a crew, and the OC Hogs are the crew for off campus Aggies that are involved. Student Bon- fire places an emphasis on fellowship, as March explains. “Student Bonfire is unique in the as- pect that it develops friendships and uni- ty among students that would have never come in contact with each other outside of Student Bonfire. Student Bonfire also helps to cultivate leadership skills for students in a Student Bonfire leadership position,” He said. Bonfire has always been an important tradition at Texas A&M. Organizations like Student Bonfire strive to maintain the integrity of the university traditions and look to expand them to new genera- tions. The Aggies in this organization have been working tirelessly, cutting and stacking logs in preparation for this year’s burn. Students interested in partic- ipating or attending Bonfire should go to Student Bonfire’s website for directions to the build site and information on par - ticipating. Bonfire Set to Burn Students still continue the tradition of Bonfire off campus. Burn night will be November 26. Meal Plan Mandate Must Go Poor dining services and mandatory meal plans not up to par with what students deserve BY HUNTER FARRIS Texas A&M is a university that has a long tradition of ex- cellence. Excellence is in our heartbeat. Excellence is in our blood. With every step stu- dents take on campus, it is a step closer to fulfilling that tra- dition. However, there is a de- partment of the university that is continually failing to stay in stride with that standard: the University Dining Services. On Oct. 3, Brazos Valley health inspector Shelly Hobbs stepped on campus conduct- ing what was called a, “routine check,” ensuring Texas A&M dining facilities were up to par. What she found was far from the standard the university claims to strive towards. She was quoted on local news sta- tion KBTX noting that there were a large number of rodent droppings in the MSC food court. So much so, that it was a risk to students’ health. The MSC food court was not the only one in violation of health codes as well. It was discovered that there was a roach infestation in Einstein Bagels, Sbisa World Cuisine, Sbisa’s kitchen, and Sbisa’s dish room. All of these places service hundreds, if not thou- sands of students every single day. This was the final straw in a long list of grievances com- mitted by Chartwells and ultimately the Texas A&M administration. However, the first and most important of- fense that set the stage for to- day’s disaster began in 2010 when the Texas A&M admin- istration mandated that all on- campus students would have mandatory meal plans begin- ning with the class of 2016. Students are being extorted to turn a profit in a struggling dining services department. Former Director of Dining Services John Riddle was quoted in the Battalion, say- ing that without mandatory meal plans, dining services would barely break even. By attaching the mandatory meal plans to the dorm service, the university is shedding its need to revamp the system and lay- In is Issue • Meal Plan Updates Are they really listening? - pg. 3 • e Twelfth Man Remaining A emotional story from the ‘99 Bonfire collapse - pg. 4 • Bowl Season Predictions Who’s ready to camp for bowl tickets? - pg. 5 • e Devil Went Where? Here’s a hint: it’s not Georgia. - pg. 8 STUDENT BONFIRE BURN NIGHT NOVEMBER 26 AT 8:00 PM OLD HEARNE ROAD VISIT STUDENTBONFIRE.COM FOR DIRECTIONS TO THE BURN SITE SEE “MEAL PLANS” P.3

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Page 1: The Good Bull: November 2013 Issue

NOVEMBER 2013 THEGOODBULL.COMTEXAS A&M’S INDEPENDENT STUDENT VOICE FOR TRADITION

BY CAROLINE PETERSONOn November 26, 2013 at “Dark Thir-

ty” (8 p.m.), Bonfire is set to burn. This year, Bonfire will feature former Fightin’ Texas Aggie football coach Jackie Sher-rill as the Burn Night speaker.

Sherill was a known advocate for tradition and Texas A&M culture while coaching at A&M, where he was even known to participate in Bonfire.

Bonfire was a thriving university tra-dition for over 90 years until November 18th, 1999 when the stack collapsed and took 12 lives. The Bonfire did not burn that year. Instead, a candlelight vigil was held at Kyle Field before Yell Practice. In honor of the 12 lives lost, the Bonfire Memorial was constructed on the site of the accident.

The official Bonfire was discontin-ued, but a new organization called Stu-dent Bonfire has carried on the tradition by holding an off campus bonfire that is unaffiliated with the University. Student Bonfire is divided into crews based on where the involved Aggies live.

Aggies the build the hell outta Bonfire build not only Bonfire, but relationships that can last a lifetime. Student Bonfire has continued this tradition with their ac-tivities.

Matt March is the yellowpot for OC Hogs, which is a position in the Student Bonfire organization. A yellowpot is a leader and supervisor of a crew, and the OC Hogs are the crew for off campus Aggies that are involved. Student Bon-fire places an emphasis on fellowship, as March explains.

“Student Bonfire is unique in the as-pect that it develops friendships and uni-ty among students that would have never come in contact with each other outside of Student Bonfire. Student Bonfire also helps to cultivate leadership skills for students in a Student Bonfire leadership position,” He said.

Bonfire has always been an important tradition at Texas A&M. Organizations like Student Bonfire strive to maintain the integrity of the university traditions and look to expand them to new genera-tions.

The Aggies in this organization have been working tirelessly, cutting and stacking logs in preparation for this year’s burn. Students interested in partic-ipating or attending Bonfire should go to Student Bonfire’s website for directions to the build site and information on par-ticipating.

Bonfire Set to BurnStudents still continue the tradition of Bonfire off campus. Burn night will be November 26.

Meal Plan Mandate Must GoPoor dining services and mandatory meal plans not up to par with what students deserve

BY HUNTER FARRIS

Texas A&M is a university that has a long tradition of ex-cellence. Excellence is in our heartbeat. Excellence is in our blood. With every step stu-dents take on campus, it is a step closer to fulfilling that tra-dition. However, there is a de-partment of the university that is continually failing to stay in stride with that standard: the University Dining Services.

On Oct. 3, Brazos Valley health inspector Shelly Hobbs stepped on campus conduct-ing what was called a, “routine check,” ensuring Texas A&M dining facilities were up to par. What she found was far from the standard the university

claims to strive towards. She was quoted on local news sta-tion KBTX noting that there were a large number of rodent droppings in the MSC food court. So much so, that it was a risk to students’ health.

The MSC food court was not the only one in violation of health codes as well. It was discovered that there was a roach infestation in Einstein Bagels, Sbisa World Cuisine, Sbisa’s kitchen, and Sbisa’s dish room. All of these places service hundreds, if not thou-sands of students every single day.

This was the final straw in a long list of grievances com-mitted by Chartwells and ultimately the Texas A&M

administration. However, the first and most important of-fense that set the stage for to-day’s disaster began in 2010 when the Texas A&M admin-istration mandated that all on-campus students would have mandatory meal plans begin-ning with the class of 2016.

Students are being extorted to turn a profit in a struggling dining services department. Former Director of Dining Services John Riddle was quoted in the Battalion, say-ing that without mandatory meal plans, dining services would barely break even. By attaching the mandatory meal plans to the dorm service, the university is shedding its need to revamp the system and lay-

In This Issue• Meal Plan Updates

Are they really listening? - pg. 3

• The Twelfth Man RemainingA emotional story from the ‘99 Bonfire collapse - pg. 4

• Bowl Season Predictions Who’s ready to camp for bowl tickets? - pg. 5

• The Devil Went Where?Here’s a hint: it’s not Georgia. - pg. 8

STUDENT BONFIRE BURN NIGHTNOVEMBER 26 AT 8:00 PM

OLD HEARNE ROADVISIT STUDENTBONFIRE.COM FOR DIRECTIONS TO THE BURN SITE

SEE “MEAL PLANS” P.3

Page 2: The Good Bull: November 2013 Issue

2 • THE GOOD BULL NOVEMBER 2013

2304 Briar Oaks Drive, Bryan, Texas, [email protected]

TheGoodBull.com

From the EditorAaron MitchellEDITOR -IN-CHIEF

Aaron De LeonDEPUTY EDITOR

Hunter FarrisCONTENT EDITOR

Lauren FelderLAYOUT EDITOR

Ben DierkerSTAFF WRITER

Fernando SosaSTAFF WRITER

Chase McGuireSTAFF WRITER

Caroline PetersonSTAFF WRITER

Cary CheshireSTAFF WRITER

Cody MillerSTAFF WRITER

Redass RalphSTAFF WRITER

Miller BurnsSTAFF PHOTOGRAPHER

Beau BrundretteSENIOR SALES ASSOCIATE

Kyle EliasTAX CONSULTANT

Austin DunsonONLINE MANAGER

By Aaron De Leon

In recent months, Republicans have been arguing within their party about issues they differ on and neglecting to cooperate with each other on the issues they ac-tually do agree on. This is cause to call for a new GOP, one which focuses on common interests and adapts to the changing nation, without compromising their prin-ciples.

Just the last month, Republi-cans were fighting amongst each other about the government shut-down instead of finding a real solution to the larger disaster, Obamacare. In the end, nothing was accomplished, and as usual, the cur-rent GOP gave in. The Re-publicans need to all get on the same page and fight for what the party can unify and believe in, not fight against each other about petty dif-ferences. What the GOP is doing is counterintuitive, and nothing will be accomplished if this un-productive behavior continues.

The United States need fewer politicians and more leaders, lead-

ers of principle and virtue who will get the job done and unify the party. The GOP is in need of leaders who will actually fight for less government and articulate the problems that come with a large government. There are an emerg-ing group of these leaders in the Republican Party, but they are far too few.

In a Pew Research study in Oc-tober, Republicans were shown to “better deal with the economy,” 44% Republican to the 37% Dem-ocrat among those polled. Also, in an Oct. 15 Pew Research poll, Republicans were favored to “bet-ter manage the government,” 42% Republican to the 39% Democrat among those polled. The party is showing some success but it also

has a ways to go to c o m p e t e with the Democrat-ic Party.

Now is the time for young leaders to step up in p o l i t i c s . They are the only ones that

can lead a new GOP, play to the party’s strengths, fight for less government, come up with new ideas, and bring together a divided party.

Nah, we just couldn’t solve that darn riddle...But YOU can contribute!

We’re looking for writers and editors,so if that’s you, drop us a line:

[email protected]’t forget to follow us at @TheGoodBullTAMU!

Who contributes to

?

Fine Print The Good Bull, est. 2013, is a nonprofit organiza-tion dedicated to providing information to students through printed publications and an online presence. The Good Bull aims to promote the traditions and culture of Texas A&M with a fun read while serving as the university’s only true independent newspaper. Additionally, not affiliating with the university or any student organization allows TGB To Be A&M’s only student voice for administrative accountibility. The Good Bull is funded by generous donations from former students, ad revenue, mail subscriptions, and support from the Collegaite Network, a national organization that aids in the creation and develope-ment of independent campus publications.

FOLLOW US ON TWITTER!@TheGoodBulltAMu

A NEW GOP

Page 3: The Good Bull: November 2013 Issue

THE GOOD BULL • 3NOVEMBER 2013 AggielandChartwell’s Responds to SurveyDid students really get what they wanted?

BY AARON MITCHELLTexas A&M’s on campus

Dining Services has been the target of student uproar this year. The same system which instigated student petitions and public complaining about

the provided services has now been altered.

Dining Services now boldly claims that “student requested changes are now in effect.”

But this title is misleading. Only a few of the changes re-

quested by students have been implemented.

Chartwell’s, Texas A&M’s dining partner, says that a sur-vey has inspired them to elimi-nate “Meal Trade Time Zones” and to more effectively com-

munivate the number of meals that a student has left for the week.

These changes, although welcomed by students, are a far cry from everything stu-dents have requested from

Dining Services. One petition called for the

recently made changes as well as changes to the price and elimination of the meal plan system as a whole. Stu-dents have said that the current meals do not provide enough food and are much too expen-sive of college students to af-ford.

Others are targeting Texas A&M’s meal plan mandate for all students living on campus.

“I don’t understand why any student would be required to have a meal plan regard-less of where they live. They are expensive, and it doesn’t make sense to say that an adult can’t find a way to feed them-selves,” said Josh Sanchez, a sophomore computer science major.

Additionally, Texas A&M’s student senate has requested meal plan credits to be issued to students in response for Dining Services’ widespread shutdowns from health code violations.

The Restitution Owed Af-ter Compromising the Health and Expectations of Students (ROACHES) Bill passed unanimously through student

senate at the Oct. 30 meeting. The bill, authored by Student Senator Michael Dror, calls for four meals to be credited to each student’s account in re-sponse to the shutdowns.

Chartwell’s has not re-sponded to the bill and it is unclear whether or not they or the administration plan to ac-knowledge it.

“There’s pretty clear evi-dence of mismanagement by Chartwells and TAMU Din-ing,” Dror said. “I think the

bill is very solid and sends a clear message to the adminis-tration as well as the students we represent that we are mak-ing an effort to resolve campus issues.”

Chartwell’s website sug-gests that the company will listen to all criticisms of their process. “We want our rela-tionships to be based on hon-esty, respect, fairness and a commitment to constant, open dialogue at all levels internally and externally.”

A student eats at the Commons on campus. Photo Credit - Miller Burns

ing the financial burden on the students.

There is actually a word for this kind of practice in busi-ness. It’s called “tying.” Tying is an arrangement where con-sumers are required to pay for a product or service in addition to the desired product or ser-vice. These sorts of arrange-ments have often been found

to be in violation of federal antitrust laws, and many states have laws guarding consumers from it.

Ultimately, this hurts the consumer. Typically the com-panies that are tying are ones that have a monopoly on the market, much like how the university controls the dining decisions every semester. And often enough, the mandatory service added to the voluntary service is one that is struggling and inferior to the rest of the

market. While Chartwells has been

issuing generic surveys in an attempt to make meal plans more suitable to the student body, they have shown no signs of yielding to the de-mands for more freedom with how on-campus students can purchase food. Chartwells must know that putting out fli-ers to change a few petty tech-nicalities with meal plans does not substitute for the right to purchase a service or not.

Looking back on history, it is obvious that even today these sorts of injustices have occurred on a greater scale. Communism is based off this ideology. If a product is fail-ing on the market, then they make everyone buy it so that it will do better. It does not mat-ter whether or not the product is worthy of purchase, and it takes too much time and effort to work out the issues. Only drawback is that everyone forced to buy the product suf-

fers. Texas A&M University has

long required nothing short of excellence of its students. They have promoted an atmosphere of honor and respect since the exposition. University Dining Services and the Texas A&M administration continues to fail at treating students with the honor and respect they de-serve. It is time for students to demand these things from their university. Not only in part, but in whole.

Meal PlansContinued from page 1

Photo credit - Miller Burns

Below: Chartwell’s has launched a campus-wide survey. Are they listening, or are they just trying to make it look like they are?

Page 4: The Good Bull: November 2013 Issue

4 • THE GOOD BULL NOVEMBER 2013Aggieland

The 12th Man RemainingThe hours that characterized a century of tradition

BY BEN DIERKER

November 18, 1999 changed the Texas A&M com-munity forever. Lives were lost, a tradition was subdued, and silence befell Aggieland. Before the somber night would end, we would lose twelve members of our family.

The immense loss of the day was clear, but what shone even brighter was the resilient Aggie spirit. At 3 a.m., hun-dreds of students poured onto the scene. These were students who came not to witness, but to rescue and assist. Medical crews, cadets, and football players rushed in to manually remove 5000 logs from the collapsed tower to save their friends.

The generosity of those who came to the scene was truly incredible, but it was what occurred inside the pile that has embodied the attitude of service and utter selflessness. It was a 17-year-old first year student who showed remark-able courage and character in the face of peril.

The stack collapsed and

Timothy Doran Kerlee Jr. was trapped. With his arm bro-ken and pelvis crushed, he laid with the 38 other victims waiting for rescue. When res-cuers came however, Tim did not yell out for help, nor did he beg to be pulled from the wreckage. Rather than pity his condition, Tim became a part of the rescue effort.

Rescue teams reported that Kerlee refused to be helped while there were others in worse condition elsewhere in the pile. “Help my buddies first,” he instructed. He used his position in the collapse to direct the crews to at least five of those lower down. Tim lit-erally put his life on hold to allow his friends to be saved, and one could speculate that he did so much more that was not even reported.

In that hour, as he lay help-less and fading, Tim repre-sented Texas A&M better than anyone had before. To talk of A&M core values is to elicit the idea of student body, university presidents, and the Corps of Cadets. Rarely does anyone picture a bloody

17-year-old lying against a fallen bonfire stack.

That hour, refusing rescue, Tim was excellent in every as-pect of the word. He showed impeccable integrity, his lead-ership was unmatched, he was

loyal to his injured friends, he had true respect for the fallen, and he was more selfless in his service to victims than anyone would have ever asked him to be. Because of his stub-born compassion, Tim was the

twelfth man remaining. Tim’s insistence on freeing others be-fore him made him the twelfth man to pass away.

This year’s Bonfire Re-membrance is set for Nov. 18 at 2:42 am.

Pictured above is the Bonfire Memorial that honors the 12 Aggie that lost their lives on Nov. 18, 1999.

Good Bull Games

Page 5: The Good Bull: November 2013 Issue

THE GOOD BULL • 5NOVEMBER 2013 Sports2013 Season Bowl PredictionsThe Good Bull’s Chase McGuire calculates matchups for the upcoming bowl season.

Bowl season is just around the corner. Al-though the end of the regular season could bring a major shake-up to the college football world, these are the Bowl Champioship Se-ries and Southeastern Conference bowls as I see them playing out at this time. The SEC will likely place two teams into the BCS bowl mix. Alabama should be the SEC’s representa-tive in the national championship after capping off a perfect regular season. Assuming Texas A&M defeats LSU and Missouri to close the regular season, the Aggies are the favorite for an “At-Large” BCS selection from the SEC. No

bowl or television network could pass up the chance to showcase Johnny Manziel and the Aggies to a national audience. The Aggies will face off against the Oregon Ducks, winning in a shoot-out. Johnny Football will exit his col-legiate career in style as he leads the Aggies to a narrow victory. SEC East champion, Missouri, will end up in the Capital One Bowl against an Ohio State team that will be coming off a Big 10 Championship loss to Michigan State. The SEC figures to win most of its important bowl games and should have a 8-3 postseason record.

Alabama vs.

Florida State

Georgia vs.

Minnesota

LSU vs.

Georgia State

Nebraska vs.

South Carolina

Stanford vs.

Michigan State

Texas A&M vs.

Oregon

Ole Miss vs.

Syracuse

Oklahoma vs.

Central Florida

Clemson vs.

Fresno State

Mississippi State vs.

Boston College

Auburn vs.

Baylor

Missouri vs.

Ohio State

Vanderbuilt vs.

East Carolina

Tennessee vs.

Rutgers

Page 6: The Good Bull: November 2013 Issue

6 • THE GOOD BULL NOVEMBER 2013Paid Advertisement

That’s whycollege students

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COLLEGE IS ALREADY EXPENSIVE ENOUGH

Page 7: The Good Bull: November 2013 Issue

THE GOOD BULL • 7NOVEMBER 2013 Texas

Good Bull Game Solutions

Abbott Successfully Appeals HB2 injunctionWhat this means for the gubertorial candidate and the bill that caused controversy throughout the Lone Star State

BY FERNANDO SOSA

Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott, a promi-nent gubernatorial can-didate, was granted a stay by the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals on an earlier injunction by a lower federal court blocking parts of HB 2.

In a statement last month, Abbott said that “this unanimous deci-sion is a vindication of the careful deliberation by the Texas Legisla-ture to craft a law to protect the health and safety of Texas wom-en.” Kathleen Sports-man, a junior majoring in political science, ap-plauded the efforts of the Attorney General.

“As Texans, we’re incredibly fortunate to have leaders like Abbott who stand firm in the fight against abortion,” Sportsman said, “by appealing the attempt to block HB 2, Abbott has helped to protect so many precious, in-nocent lives and give a new generation of Tex-ans a chance at life they would otherwise not re-ceive.”

The state can now enforce the abortion restrictions ad-opted in the summer, which include a requirement for abortionists to have admit-ting privileges to a hospital 30 miles in the clinic vicinity and

requires strict adherence to the FDA approved standards for the intake of abortion-inducing

drugs. The 20-week abortion ban is not being contested in this case.

Opponents of the law argue that the strictness of the law and what they consider “un-due burdens” make the con-tested parts of the law uncon-

stitutional. The appeals court panel, however, stated that the U.S. Supreme Court has previ-

ously upheld burdens in laws with valid state concerns.

“The incidental effect of making it more difficult or more expensive to procure an abortion cannot be enough to invalidate” a law, “one not designed to strike at the right

itself,” the panel stated in its 20-page opinion.

In a news release, Cecile

Richards, the president of the Planned Parenthood Federa-tion of America, indicated that the plaintiffs were seeking in-tervention from the U.S. Su-preme Court.

“We’re asking the Supreme Court to stop Texas’ dangerous

and extreme law from taking effect because your rights -- your very ability to make your

own medical decisions -- should not depend on your ZIP code,” Rich-ards said.

Both sides believe that the nation’s high-est court will eventually resolve the case. Lauren Bean, an Abbott spokes-woman, signaled that the Attorney General is prepared to take the case to the highest level.

“As everyone…has acknowledged, this is a matter that will ul-timately be resolved by the appellate courts or the U.S. Supreme Court,” Bean said.

In a statement last month, Governor Rick Perry released a state-ment stating that at-tempts to block the law “will not stop our ongo-ing efforts to protect life and ensure the women of our state aren’t ex-posed to any more of the abortion-mill horror stories that have made headlines recently.”

At the time of print, Associate Justice Anto-nin Scalia, who has ju-

risdiction over the 5th Circuit and is a known abortion oppo-nent, had not acted on the re-quest to once again temporar-ily block parts of the law.

The 5th Circuit Court of Ap-peals has scheduled oral argu-ments for January.

Abbott speaks at the National Right to Life Convention earlier this year. National Right to Life is a pro-life group founded in 1968.

Page 8: The Good Bull: November 2013 Issue

8 • THE GOOD BULL NOVEMBER 2013Opinion

Your new source for redass news, sports, and opinion from

Aggieland and beyond

The Devil Went Down to AustinRedass Ralph shares his opinion on direction of the t.u. athletic department is taking

BY REDASS RALPH

Many have claimed that Aggieland is the land of milk and honey. This land was described in the Bible as a paradise for God’s children.

Here, our university has grown both academically and athletically to reign among the top in the world. All of this

improvement has come solely through hard work and a diligence to an undying set of pure values that we all cherish.

Our football program was much like Moses and the Israelites once they left the Egyptian captivity. We had to wan-der in the wilderness for some time, but now we have finally reached the Prom-ised Land under Johnny Manziel and head coach Kevin Sumlin.

Down the road, the t.u. athletic pro-gram has declined into decay much like the nation of Babylon and has con-demned its high priest DeLoss Dodds, the Athletic Director. Seeking to replace him, they have tapped Steve Patter-son—a man with a questionable past.

Patterson has a degree in business (money is the root of all evil) and a “de-gree” from t.u.’s hoity-toity law school. To make matters worse, he most recent-ly served as the Athletic Director for Arizona State.

Why is his previous job significant? Arizona State’s mascot is the Sun Devils. Let me say that again, the Sun DEVILS. Rather than seek improve-

ment through strength of character or hard work, those in charge of the school down the road at t.u. have conspired to strike an unholy deal with one of the Devils’ henchmen.

“Steve Patterson emerged as the per-fect candidate to build on Texas’ athletic success and DeLoss Dodds’ legacy,” said UT Austin President Bill Powers. “Far more important, he’s running a winning program at Arizona State that places students first and is committed to their lifelong success.”

Completely absent in any statement from the university, is any acknowl-edgement of this man’s character, be-cause they would have to mention his prior work experience for the Devil.

With the Sun Devil working in con-cert with the long-horned, evil demigod Bevo there is no telling what horrors could be unleashed upon the world. It is my thought that the Longhorns will still continue to avoid playing us in ma-jor sports.

Just like a demon shying away from holy water, t.u. has shied away from

playing us in football.The teasips know their witchcraft would be rendered useless against us. They may succeed against Iowa State, West Virginia, and even Oklahoma with their evil tricks, but teasips flee from the Aggies and their holy presence.

“Down the road, the t.u. ath-letic program has declined into decay much like the nation of Babylon...”

The new t.u. athletic director Steve Pat-terson talks at a press conference.

Pictured above is Bevo, t.u.’s mascot and “evil demigod” according to Redass Ralph.

*PLEASE NOTE THIS PAGE CONTAINS A SATIRICAL ARTICLE WRITTEN IN THE GOOD SPIRITS OF A RIVALRY AND IS NOT MEANT TO OFFEND ANYONE BY ANY MEANS.*