the hominid herald

8/6/2019 The Hominid Herald

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The Hominid HeraldProviding your weekly news since the Cenozoic Era!Editor: Anna d. Vol. 10,562 Hopewell Co.

April

13, 2009

K N O W Y O U R

H O M OPrimates vs. Hominids

BY: EVA LUTION

Have you ever looked at a pictureof a primate and wondered How can that

possibly be my ancestor?! From countlessyears of research and tedious observationof human and primate characteristics,anthropologists have shown that we,indeed, are related to primates. Humans

are descended from a long line ofhominids, who walked the Earth nearly 7million years ago. These hominids wereclose ancestors to the primates we knowtoday as monkeys and apes. Whileanthropologists studies have shownevidence as to how humans, hominids, and

primates are all alike through molecularand structural comparison, there arecertainly differences that can be noted.

Most primates live in or aroundtrees (although some primates do not,including humans). Primates possessadaptations that make living in an

How do we

know

evolution

exists? How

evidencemeans

everything!

See Editorials

pg C1

See pg

C1

For a

special

interviewwith

world-

famous

hominid,

Lucy!


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thousands of years ago is nothing shortof fascinating.

The first Neanderthal skullswere found in Belgium in 1829. Sincethen, nearly 400 samples of

Neanderthal remains have been found.Many believed that these individualswere the ancestors of Europeans.Anthropologists have not yet classified Neanderthals as a part of the human

race. Evidence shows thatNeanderthalswere considerably stronger and more

powerful than humans. They had strongteeth, flat, elongated skulls, broadershoulders, think thigh bones, and largerkneecaps. The deterioration examinedon the teeth shows that Neanderthalsate tough foods and chewed on hides tomake them softer. Studies have alsoshown that Neanderthals buried theirdead, wore jewelry, used bones, wood,and stone for tools, crafted spheres, and

were able to carry out a number ofsophisticated activities. For example,

Neanderthals were able to create fireand build shelters. Some scientists believe that Neanderthals were relatedto the species Homo heidelbergensisthat lived in Africa at least 780,000years ago. On the other hand, somediscoveries have shown that Neanderthals and modern Homo

sapiens lived near each other, meaningthe two groups could have interbredand formed a relationship.

While Neanderthals remain amystery to us in some aspects, there has been a great deal of information thathas been recovered about this species.From the first discovery of Neanderthalremains up until now, scientists and paleontologists made very interestingdiscoveries, however we have yet tofind out if we truly are related to theNeanderthals.

B1

Battle of the

HominidsBY: GLEN LICHENRecently, a massive fight broke

out between local hominids. For

millions of years, various Homo

species have been in an intellectual

competition with the Homo erectus


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France- Mammoth attack injures

5, March 7

Indonesia- Hominid carjacks 10

vehicles from locals at an

evolution convention, April 9

Ghana- remains of a Neanderthal

family is recovered, April 10

Argentina- family of monkeys

raids a hominid clans home,

hominids forced to leave, April

11C1

Lucy: a legacy

An exclusive interview with the most adored early human of all time, Lucy

Afarensi. Interview takes place at Lucys rock condo in Miami, is led by Dr.

Mary Linus, and is translated by Frank Wizengamot.

Dr. Linus:Can you describe your life before you acquired the fame you have

today?

Lucy:ugg-ug ugga radda uggug [grunts].

Well, Doctor, Id have to say that my life is much different now than it was

before I got into the spotlight. About 3.2 million years ago, I lived in a small

colony in Ethiopia with 20 other hominids. Then, I was a free-spirited

teenager, always skipping my wheel-making lessons to watch fire with my

friends. I enjoyed climbing trees, jewelry making, and rock collecting- the

usual hominid hobbies. I gathered seeds and roots from the fields, for that

was the typical food that was eaten in my time. I also hung around the men

of my clan often (I was quite the hot rod).

Dr. Linus:Indeedand how would you say your life has changed since then?

Lucy: Ugg ugg raga ugga uggug ooga ooga ug.

I am very thankful for how my life has turned out. Ever since I met Don and

Tom, everything changed for me. If you were wondering, Don Johansen and

Pictures from the Interview:


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Tom Grey were two anthropologists who found me in Ethiopia during an

expedition in Africa in 1974. From there, they brought me to America, and I

received instant adoration from scientists across the globe. An astonishing40% of my body was recovered, an event that could not have seemed possible

to a pair of anthropologists! My life from then on included spending time in

museums and getting moved around, but now Im trying to keep a low-key

life here in my beach side rock-mansion.

C2

Dr. Linus:

Well, you have a lovely...ummhouse?C

ave? Anyway, do you carryout activities that you enjoyed in Ethiopia? Have you found any new activities that

are of interest to you in America?

Lucy:Ugga ug-ug [grunts] radda oog garga ooga.I still enjoy climbing trees very much. As you can see, I have rather long arms

that are of good use when climbing, so its only natural for me to continue my

tree-climbing. I still have a habit of using rocks and wood for tools, except I

did get out to Home Depot last week so I could find some civilized

housekeeping equipment rock houses are a hassle to keep clean! I like tokeep up on my walking schedule so that I can be ready for beach season. I

walk slightly different than modern humans, but I am capable of walking in

an upright position, so I dont look like an ape in that sense. I am also trying

to get myself some plastic surgery. Being an Australopithecus, my face

protrudes much more than a modern humans face, and I do not find it

attractive whatsoever.

Dr. Linus: Well, that concludes our interview. Thank you very much for your

time, Lucy!Lucy:Ugga ugga ugg radda oog!

Youre welcome! Feel free to take some imported tree roots on your way out

for a snack! Remember to buy my biography, Lucy, the Beginnings ofMankind!


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Community

CornerEditorials

D1

Evolution: Its all AboutEvidence!

Evolution is a theory that has been debated and examined fornearly two centuries in the scientific community. Often, a theory isviewed as a mere guess or hypothesis, with no legitimate proof.Many argue against the existence of evolution, however theyoverlook the great deal of evidence that has been accumulated overthe years by scientists and anthropologists. I believe that there are a

number of primary sources for this evidence, three of which are thefossil record, structural resemblances, and molecular studies.

The fossil record shows us that there are countless amountsof organisms existing on Earth. It proves that many species haveevolved over time to be the organisms that are present on Earthtoday. By examining fossils, paleontologists can make connectionsbetween ancient organisms and modern organisms. For example,

footprints of early hominids that were preserved have been carefully

examined. This evidence usually shows a scientist how the organismmoved, how much it weighed, and how large it was. The fossilrecord

Instant weatherBrought to you by www.weather.com

Today, April 13

Partly cloudy, High: 76 Low: 65, Humidity=98%, Chance of

thunderstorms in the evening


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evolution to become how we see it today, and I feel that it is

important that everyone knows about each one of them.

First, rise of new technologies has made the process ofinvestigating evolution much different. By using more sophisticated

equipment, scientists are able to examine fossils and DNA more

closely, and, thus, change ideas about evolution. In addition to

technology, the unearthing of evidence has brought about changes

in scientific views. For example, the discovery of new fossils allows

scientists to compare organisms and make new conclusions about

evolution. Lastly, varying opinions can also change ideas about

evolution. Religious views can cause people to deny evolution, andinstead turn to the idea of creation. Scientists can also have

different opinions. An instance of changing scientific opinions is the

classification system, which is constantly changing as a result of

scientists with distinct views on where to place certain organisms.

In essence, it is vital that the public and the scientific

communities know how ideas about evolution are changing. It is

also necessary that one knows what factors are causing the rise of

D3

new concepts, not just concerning evolution. In a world whereanswers dont always come easy, we must be aware of ideas and

theories that are changing all around us.

- Anna d., Editor


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E1

A piece by Glen Harkin:

Humans have come so far in the past 4.6 million years. Weve gone from single-celled

organisms, to simple eukaryotes, to monkeys, to hominids, and finally, to the civilized

individuals that we are today. But is evolution really finished with the human race?

Maybe not

SO, WHATS TO COME FOR HUMAN EVOLUTION??


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F1

In 10,000

years...

Homo sapiens will be at least 5 feet taller than the average human in 2009

will be much stronger and very physically fit

In 1 millionyears...

Homo sapiens will acquire a great sense of smell (as of a dog)

very strong, hardly breakable bones, and a stronger heart-life expectancy is approx. 175 years

complete immunity to any sicknesses and/or diseases


Homo sapiens will have great eye sight (500/5 vision)

sonar hearing, ears will be shaped so that sound can be trapped more efficiently


(

ow, a different species) Homo sapiens will have acquired another arm, and fingers that are small and manipulativeenough to accomplish extraordinary tasks

WANTED:

Hominid who can create fire!(without causing injuries or

fatalities)

HELP WANTED:

(Must be capable of serving carnivorous

WANTED:Skilled Cave dweller who can

paint stone art

WANT ADS


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F2

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