the merciad, april 1, 1982

8/6/2019 The Merciad, April 1, 1982

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VOL. 55 NO . 23 MERCYHURST COLLEGE, ERIE, PA. APRIL 1,198

Second Annual "Friends \Forever Dinner" To Be HeldSJFor the second consecutiveyear, Dean David Palmer-willsponsor the '̂Friends Forever,Dinner." The special dinner isslated for April 29 in the. BlueRoom. & >

The theme for the dinner willbe "Good Friends Never Die,"according ?to Palmer.} Anystudents who Palmer considers"Friends"*', to anyone will be in-vited to the dinner*g \ I|32s| During last year's dinner,autographed photos of Palmersigned with Friends Forever,Dave Palmer" were given to allthe guests. For this year's event,cut photos of 'Hurst graduatePaul Urbanowicz will be

distributed. The cut picture willrepresent that even though goodfriends may be cut or mutilated,they will .never die, said Palmer.

Palmer said that Dr. LouisMennini has written the themesong for the dinnner, an adapta-tion of "Only The Good DieYoung" The guest speaker for theevent will be Judy Bradley of theLRC.i She 5will present herr£sear£ii..j)n^gQod friends *whohave never" died".

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'Tm excited for the.dinner,"said Palmer. "I think it's impor-tant that" good friends cometogether for dinner. What we eatisn't important - it's- who you sitby."

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^ Life After Graduation?!^PadTtfrbaMWMl embodies metheme for the second annual"Friends Forever" dinner^ spon-sored by Dean Palm er^ ^a£g

Poles To Rem ainUntU Spring '82

AllfPoles a t Mercyhurst Coif.lege will rema in until spring, an-nounced History professorRichard Kubiak while he was in afoul mood after receiving ageneology rep ort. i ^

After student government elec-tions, the polls which are normal-ly taken down until fall, will re -main in their present areas untilMay, he said. • £.. - ^

The poles which a re blockingthe horseshoe driveway in frontof Old Main will also remain untilspring, stated Kubiak.: And any Poles visiting the area

or from the area will be forced toremain in the Erie area until lateMay, he added. ^ ?>

K u b i a k m a d e t h e a n -nouncements after he received ajeneology report on his familylineage from Sociology instructorJoy Kolb. Kolb discovered a largenumber of women including Joanof Arc, Queen Elizabeth, DollyMadison, Florence Nightingale,Helen of Troy, Shirley Chisholm,Golda Meir, Florence Henderson,Patty Hearst, Sandy «Duncan,Betty Crocker, Penny Jackson,Wendy 0'Williams, Betty-Gart-ner, Karen Wolek, and JanetCooke. :-4*. 3 ^

"For the most part, the men inKubi ak's family tre e ,werelimited. T here Swere three gar-

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Richard J. Kubiak, "You canrise above your heritage." -

bage collectors from the greaterLos Angeles- are a, sevengravediggers, six graverobbers,and one bootlegger." "x ~~rt

All of the men were convictedat- one time or another ofp o a c h i n g b y t h e g a m ecommission. I V

Kolb added, "I really didn'tmean to upset him. It's too badabout the Poles." S«a M

Garvey and baby Ricardo smile contentedly in their home in El Salvador.

Garvey Endowed With Eleven HeirIn an attempt to recover from

the demise or his wife Molly,Mercyhurst ^President Dr .William P. Garvey has taken sab-batical in El Salvador to takepart in a surrogate motherprogram. i * I

Garvey explained that afterMolly's death he realized that hedid-want children. His originalplan was to begin a Test TubeBaby program at Mercyhurstunder Sister Edith. But?SisterEdith blatantly refused. j?

"This is a school! This is a col-lege! Not a breeding ground! The

only thing kwe breed "are-gup-pies !'' she exclaimed, ™ ',Upon th e test tube baby

refusal, Garvey took an indefiniteleave of absence from Mer-cyhurst to take up residence in ElSalvador. Allan Belovarac wasappointed President; by Garveybefore his departure . £

The Merci less receivedsev eral ! cables from Garveywhile he was? adjusting to theSouth American way of life. Th efollowing a re excerpts from} theseries of cables: .-; «Sa

Sc CABLE 1: "The su n is hot downhere. ThelfaxPis good. TheHRMA department could benefitby selling refried beans." ?

$ CABLE 2: "I me t a doctor whorecommended a hotline fo r sur-

roga te moth ers . | I ' l l calltomorrow." §| 5 * % # ^f CABLE 3: "The fighting is get-ting closer. I found a surrogatemother candidate. More later.?g CABLE 4: , "I'm growing 1*mustache like they wear downhere. I also bought a hat to keepthe sun out of my eyes. I shouldbe a father in nine months."

After the -fourth cable, Garveywas not heard from until the sur-rogate mother began experienc-ing complications. i ^

CABLE 5: ?The doctor says hehears eleven heartbeats. The

mother should give birth in a fewdays."On-February 13,4982, Maria

Delgado bore 11 children toGarvey* ?' i **^ m

"Gee,,[this*is better than theboys from Brazil," said Garvey,in a Feb. 14 cable. 1 *

Garvey sent photos of all thechildren to the Merciless -forpublication. "I want to showthese kids off," he joked. J

After the infants become strongenough to travel by airy' Garveyintends to mail the new familyhome to Erie. In' a recentnewspaper article in El Salvador,Garvey was;, quoted as saying,"El Salvador Is a nice place tovisit; I've ^discovered a lot ofalternatives to) roast chicken for

dinner; I'd even like the kidlearn -Spanish* some day,,Erie's my home. I just cbreak away from my histoallegiance to Mercyhurst."r The Salvadorian media furasked th e former MercyhPresident whether or notfound an y resemblences tocharacter in the eleven child"One is diplomatic, as he likshare his bottle an d settle fiamong the lot/** beamed thefather. "Another ha s a pencfor puried chicken," he fucommented, "and another

resembles a student I once haa history major a t Mercyhurnamed this child Ricardo, Richard Nixon, of course."

When asked if he had trodistinguishing ? one baby anothe r, Garvey replied,course not. I made sure nurses lined th e babies uchronological order."

Be levor ac i s p lann in"Welcome Back" party forform er 'Hu rst President.* Twere rumors floating aroundBelevorac intended to relinqhis position a s President -wGarvey returned. The Mercconfronted Belevorac withhearsay, at which time he simsmiled an d said, "Who crefuse a ma n with eleven he



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1?H"**f ft APRIL 1,1982

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Bob • Breslin an d Chris McGowan cling desparately to roommate Tooy Paradiso in an effort* to savethemselves from being swallowed in the town house swam p. Eg J v * £ . § ^

Rich Lanzillo sinks wearing the same seersucker pants he wore to President Gar vey's wedding last year. ^

Mud Suck&Students To Oblivion;

fiillingsley Plan'siReplica BridgetPlans are now underway to,construct a replica of the GoldenG a t e b r i d g e b eh i n d t h etownhouses announced ThomasB i l l i n g s l e y , d i r e c t o r o fadmissions. *

The announcement came afterseveral reports of students beingsucked down into the quagmirewhich presently exists e ast of them a i n t e n a n c e £ compound' .Members of Townhouse) Oneespecially have been droppinglike flies despite the valiant ef-forts to save themselves.

"I don't know what'to do,"commented Tony Paradiso."Want to hear a dirty joke? Thepig fell in the mud."

Bo b gBreslin and Chr i sMcGowan have disappearedcompletely. There are, however,rumors that Breslin is alive andliving in South Detroit writingsongs with Jim Morrison for the"South Side Johnny" group.

McGowan is survived by twostuffed hamsters, three pens, andthousands of * unmatched vdirtysocks.f*£i. j§ #* '."£2% 4W?&

"Want to hear a dirty jojse?"commented Tony Paradiso. ".Thedog fell in the mud." jNT * J

Lanzillo, who. was notablyupset with the concept of mudsl-inging, commented "NQ »Com-ment" as he sunk. I "-"•8 "Want to hear-a dirty joke?"

asked Tony Paradiso. "Theguinea pig fell in the mud."

Housing Director Phyliss A'eillostated the families of Breslin andMcGowan will be charged an ex-tra housing fee because until thegeology depa rtment-c an. ex-cavate the remains, constructionat the bridge will have to behalted. Billingsley, when told ofAeillo's statement? responded,"What a bummer."" \ J

Tony Paradiso said, "Want tohear a dirty joke? The parrot fellMI the mud."

Townhouse One will be accep-ting applications for roommatesfor hire until next Wednesday; nodogs allowed. ? , i 2 S ^ A

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fttttetB 3to ©fir SuitorO n e -Student's *C o m m e n tI would like to say a few .

words about, tipping. Manytimes I have, seen tipping er-rors which our printed in theMerciless. These errors cantea mis intrepid by thes t u d e n t s jwho,red t h enewpauper. When I see apauper erogenously tipped, itis a sing of impotence.

To bit an example, I bringup an article" about, Dr.Gravey. It seems he hadstarted the,Erie transporta-tion system? was ^perfectlycombatible to student nerds.But, in the article, transporta-xtion was mispeld. j-

This story was a n impotantupdate, but errors sparr ed itsmassage. In the future, I justhop the Mercywurst studentsare served butter. U i

|> John Myth K, 1(A Tipping Leche r)

Newspaper "Really KeenStaff "Simply Marvelous7

99

I have been following yournewspaper career for threeyears; and felt I had to write andtell you I think your pap er is real-ly keen.

And what's all this bruhahaabout moving the paper becausethe image is bad and it hasn't im-

?roved? Stuff and , Nonsense!!ou and your staff-are quite

competent: f \gjl es p ec i a l l y , en jo y t h e

2uintessial wit of typist Elaineoyle. I'm sure she is a lovely

girl, even though her knowledgeof sports seemsa

J somewhatlimited. M £

I understand that feature

Bonnie James is a fine youngwoman with a Harvard past. Thisis simply marvelous.

Tell me, is it true that yourAssistant Editor Donna Petersononce said; "Is this typewriternailed down?" J. J

Sports editor Jack Bour is areal cutie. I find he looks muchlike that boyish character Jim-mieOlsen* ••>••£^rOnce again let me wish youcontinued successr! with yourpaper and staff. I find thenewspaper uplifting and simplymarvelous. J « .?£ i;

Love£M o m & • # * • \

Next Issue April H 5due to Easter Break

Submissions Due ByApril 13,1982

Vm Not A Smurf"

English Pcofessor ClaimsHe's "Just Ah I r ish Bo y"

•'I am not a smurf!!" claims P.Barry McAndrew, an englishteacher a t the 'Hurst and a onceupon a time leprechaun. JjfjiES

P. Barry felt it was necessaryto make this statement afterhearing Garcia report on the pro-found cultural effect of the smurf

phenomena. " Idon ' t !

considermyself a cultural:phenomena,"said Mc Andre w.^ i | 2^ " S u r e an d begorra though, Ica n be as profound as J . AlfredPrufrock without an identitycrisis.'

"How do you tell the Irish m anon an oil rig?" responded FatherChuck (affectionally known as

up'l) Schmiat. £ 'He 's i the on et h r o w i n g b r e a d t o t h ehelicopters."

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McQuillen felt P. Barry's con-cern was silly."V*My wife's Irfehuncle died last week," said Mc-Quillen. "His brother wanted tobe buried at sea, and the uncledied digging the grave.'(%r i

William Cardot concurred."How do you catch a unique Irishman?" he asked. "You neak upon him."0£p ;. *^|£

When are an Irish man's handslike* a g a rd n e r? "? respondedDiane Bohl. "When they're*inflour." $S § £ J>(*$f know an Irish man who triedto mail a ba g of potatoes withfood stamps," commented SisterLisa Mary McCartney, {closecousin an d personal friend*-offormer Beatle Paul McCartney.

"What's a three letter word foran Irish mousetrap?" said JamieYule. CSSKSTP* *& '"^^ -

"Why did the Irish Elephantwear a pink nightie?" askedChris Gagliano. "Because h isblue one was in the wash."Ep'Did you hear about th e Irishman who thought they said theywere passing out trains instead ofbrain s?"] asked Charlene Gee.*/He missed his." 3 ^ j . |

"My Iris h cousin froze to deathrecently," said Pete Benekos."He w ent to see Closed for W interat the Drive-I n." M

"I was the one trying to be ob-jective," said Donna P eterson.

"I shot an Irish man in my pa-jamas th e other day,"2j.com-

^ ^ f l ^ B j F *

"Surej'tis like a morn iSpring," says quixotic PBarrv McAndrew l

mented Gafy Cordes. "I dknow what he was doing in pajamas , but J shot .h

anyway.""What does an Irish man something that's green and dholes," asked Joanne Cooperdrill pickle.". ' •£

"How does an Irish man tocar?" asked Barry Grossm"He teps on the brake, tupid

"According to Irish legwhat's brown and lives in thetower? asked Robert Hoff, "lunch_bag of Notre Dam e." ^Hcwdo youputfour Irishmin a Volkswagen?" asked E rMauthe. "Two in front and tw

"Why did the Irish man wpink tennis shoes?" asked CTriola.* "To hide in a chtree." |

"Why did the Irish man crthe road?" asked Mr. Chiare"Toget to the other side."

"Did you hear about the Ircannibal who passed his mothin-law in th e wo ods?" questioJohn Wolper.^^^

: <3 fP.* Barry, responding to

overwhelming faculty responsaid, "I knew that.'

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THE MERCILESS



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lEittrflttfitig vatprint la a lie*' APRIL 1,1982 PA

Edward Higgins creates a strikingly realistic cast of Garvey's deceas-ed wife, Molly, i ' t JtSoKK^^^tS^ i l ^ j

Cast TopReplace £ | MStatue In Circle imt. A

e Mercyhurst Studentovernment, in memoriam of

Molly Garvey, has recently com-missioned the co llege Art Depart-ment to create a bronze cast ofher head. * " i i -• v ^I^Art professor Edward Higginsis in charge of the project. He ex-pects {it, will be finished ' bygraduation so that it can bededicated to the class of 1982.

^'During thee graduationceremony, the top art student will

remove - the .head off the VirginMary statuein tne norseshoeTThe bronze cast of Molly Garveywill then take the place of Mary'shead.- Jesus iwill ^remain* thesame. _ i •*1**1 have * no qualms aboutreplacing the Virgin Mary's headwith the bust of my lost wife. 1will be forever indebted to thestudent government for such aloving tribute to a wonderfulwoman," stated Garvey. " Js

HORB S ba r

piNKEpJ©

Friday 10

$ 1 icovfer

proper ID required

Flynt And Hagan S ta rIn Remake Of "Two W o m e n "Ray Flint and Frankie Hagan

have announced that they willtake part in Roman Polanski'sremake of the film Two Women.

The film which will be produc-ed by George Garrelts, is aboutthe ma terna l so urce andresource. Hagan will take the

part of the mother which wasmade famous by Sophia Loren.Flynt will take the role of thedaughter. *^ Everyone in the Brie area willrecognize Flynt from the "peoplepleasers" commercials that ar eaired in the area. He has had alot of experience in recent yearsplaying in a variety of roles.Flvnt stated, "I feel this new rolewill be very challenging far me,and perhaps I'll make the coverof the National Enquirer if mypopularity continues. At tyeart Inave always been an actor." ,^4

Hagan on the other hand is go-ing to be a new face on film. He isregularly seen in the Monticelloroom giving lectures on researchand criminal justice. He has com-mented,' "I want to broaden myhorizons and perhaps become a

star at tne same time. •§ ^"I have always wanted to dothis sort of thing and when Raytold me about the try-outs I justknew I had to give it my best andso here I am, ah almost star . Ican't believe I got the role of themother, just think Sophia Lorenhad that very same part!" r

I TL "People PleasuT Ray Flyntcommented, "People pleasin ismy game,, and Ray Flynt is myname:"—^Garrelts stated''that he washappy to be the producer of suchan intellectual 3event. "Well, Ithink that we ma y use the film inour discussion series. It's lookingfine, looking fine." « e

Admissions • Counselor SteveFrisina, on the other hand, wa snot at all excited about the pro*posed film, especially th ecasting. "I'm miffed," he said."The roles were type cast. Justbecause Hagan has that SophiaLoren poutishness doesn't meanhe can act.'' *• ^fev ,

Barry Zembower will financial-ly back the film project .usingmonies confiscated*" from John

I K mm

Hagan will step into Sophia Laren's shoes and Flynt will pdaughter in Garretts' remake of "Two W omen". *

Nesbit's slush fund. - *Maree-Lynn Cicon,

Assistant Par Excellance, added

one final note about th"Hey, I think it's swelThank vou "

Mercyhurs t jAuthors MakeC am pu s Best Seller List

r

Mercyhurst Librarian ^JoanneCooper recently announced the1982 campus best sellers. Anumber of Mercy hurst f ad-ministrators,-.teachers, an dstuden ts' have written bookswhich appear on the list. All thebooks are presently on referencein the library, she added.

1. A Quick Reference To SevenWords Can't Say All The Time, byDr. BobCisek. '8ft J3^&

2. How t To Wing It In theC l a s s r o o m , p u b l i s h e danonymously. $& . 3

3. Go West Young Man: AGuide to Authentic <WesternSaloons, by Gus Thomas.- '4. All .Colors Match, Personalbiographies of Dave Bethune andJim Rosenthal.* 'K ' v£*5. Star Guide: Predictions Forthe 1983 Oscar Winners, by S isterMatthew.

6.1 Was A Surrogate Father, byWilliam P. Garvey. - * ,̂'.*

THE MERCILESS * S

•f1981 Mr. Mercyhurst'* Jamie

Borowicz = says, "Just call meApoll o" in his new novel

. 7 On A Harvard ExpeTammy G oes To College bnie James, t „

8. I am Not A BabysiDorothy Kirk.

9. How To Find DirecYour Name by Joan Nort

10. Tongue SandwichNovelette by John Nee

11. ME SQUARED by Pizzat. \

12. My Son The Computby Ton! Kaliszak

13. How To Develop Greby the winner of the 19Competition, Jam ie Boro

14. How To Bite Necks btaPetronio. !?

15. A Shopper's Guide Tingf Meat by *Father "Roast" Schmidt.

16. Blinky Has Nothing by Andrew Roth. ^-

17. Who Cares About ApClaudia Eng lertr *L



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Suerutljtttg uic print XB a Ik" APRIL 1,1982 PAG

B r o w n H o l d s P o s i t i o n O n D o g"This is not a ground hog,"

stated Bud Brown, director ofPhi losophy and Rel igiousStudies. Brown made this state-ment in a recent discussion withRebecca Martin, daughter ofErie County Game Protector, An-jiy Martin.

Brown claimed that the furrylittle creature was a rare breed ofAustralian dog. He presented hisargument to Martin hoping that

she would be able to confirm hisperception. Martin however,after consultation with herfather, disagrees with Brown'sconcept.

Brown supported his argumentwith two snapshots of the typicalbreed of the American dog. Scien-tifically known as . DoggusAmericanus, this particular

1)oggus Americanus

Bob Brown, Director ofPhilosophy and Religious studies.breed was f matched for con-trasting characteristics. "I wasthe one who tried to be objec-tive," stated Donna Peterson.

"Notice the similarity in shape,but difference in size of the earsof the two mammals," statedBrown. "The. hair texture andtoenail length also indicate thatthe animals are of the same fami-ly. Anyone with any knowledge ofphilosophical • argument andscientific familia would come tothe same conclusion. It's perfect-ly logical."

Martin claimed" he had i no 'previous knowledge of such an

animal as an Australian dog. "I

never studied philosphy," com-mented Martin, "so I respect Dr.Brown's classification. Whydoesn't the paper take a poll?"

Due to this comment, Brown in-tends to submit a proposal to theState Board of Game Protectorsrequiring those who are commis-sioned to have received trainingin philosophy. "All game protec-tors should have knowledge inthis liberal art. The relationship

between philosophy and evolutionhas been established since Dar-win. I intend to rectify this gravelimitation in the game protectors'eduction." explained Brown.

Doggus Australianus

Doggus Americanus, profile

Petronio RevealsGrave SecretIn a resurrection of dark and

blood-letting truth, Dr. VivettaPetronio, Director of The Depart-ment of English and ModernLanguages and also Director ofEgan * Scholars, revealed lastevening at midnight that she wasa vampire.

' "It was a difficult admission tomake," quoted Petronio , "Iknew the living wouldn't be veryreceptive to the preternatural."

Petronio stated that she firstbared her incisors to the EganCouncil because she felt theywould be most open minded abouther condition. "The Council alsoknows me well enough to realizethat vampires are just people,too," stated Petronio.

The professor of the now ex-tinguished courses "Vampires InLiterature" and "The Novel ofTerror" claimed no one everguessed of her true identity."Perhaps it's because I'm anItalian Vampire," explainedPetronio. "We're the meekestkind."

Sister Elizabeth Listen, closefriend of Petronio, concurredwith that statement. "She's notvicious or murderous at all,"stated Sister Elizabeth. "Most ofthe time I merely fix her somespaghetti sauce and she issatisfi ed by th e color;* andtexture."

The college ha s been incrediblyreceptive to Petronio's proposalfor office redecorations. Themaintenance department will behauling in a seven-by-fgur-foot

Administrators ^Join > £ i a|Hallmark* I » P

It was announced that GregMarkovich and Miriam MashankO.S.B. have accepted a commis-

sion at Hallmark Greeting Cards.Markovich and M ashank held a'press conference yesterday torevea l to the public that they willintroduce a new line of "You'reSpecial" greeting cards..

According!to Mashank , thepair will leave the college May 1,

"Freshmen are my life . . .

**%&&?&

y

Dr. Vivetta Petronio, "I dalways drink blood."black coffin and five loads ofto the second-floor Preston tion. Petronio stated she feltsince the truth had finally dug up, she could request anvironmenf of he r n a tinhabitance. ;

"The only discomfort I'vefered thus far is the dayligreplied Petronio. "That's walways wear my glasses." ^

Petronio commented .thatthought her revealed idenwould help rather than hindepresent positions at Mercyh

We've always advocatedperiences with foreign/Jansmiled Petronio; "I cantroduce students to new worl

almost like mywtfe" commenMarkovich.-sf. "Freshmen a re my Godsealmost like my'dachsun" sMashank. <

The pair said simultaneou"We won't always be gone, oHurst we're fond, look to

bookstore whose stocks deplore«we'll "always be tbecause we care." v

Garvey will take over duties of both Mashank Markovich, making his full tAssistant to the President, Ditor of Freshmen Studies, AthDirector and President.

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THE MERCILESS



* *

lEuergthing mt print XB a lit'* APRIL 1,1982 PAG

Sam Graver at his ranch.

Winner Announced In t?

Garvey \Look-AUke Contest J

In the recent President WilliamP. Garvey Look-Alike Contest, aleaf farmer from Fairfield, Ohio,was declared the winner. ',f& _

Sam Gruver, 54, was one ofover 75 entries in the contest. Hesaid he learnedX of the eventthrough a classified ad placed inthe N ational Enquirer.' f I '^

In the accompanying photo,Gruver .is shown on his 40-acreleaf ranch harvesting his latestcrop. He told Hie Merciless thathe had no idea he had a "twin".

"I never woulda believed it—Ireally look like a college presi-dent," commented Gruver. jjjjj

The idea for the contest camefrom Mary Daly, director of ex-ternal affairs. She said she gotthe idea While watching a recentepisode of "Real People'** j ^ i

fudges* for * theêvenHêreDorothy^Kirk, Garyey'ssecretary; Bill Ducz, director ofmaintenance; and Ruth Truitt ofthe college book store. 1

TF f^£U"The judges were not selectedby.any special criteria," explain-

ed Mary Daly. "Dick Garcia andI just closed our eyes and pointedto names in the col l egedirectory." r.s.j&•The first prize in th e look-alike

Mary Daly, Director^ f External Affairs-

contest is one weekend withGarvey in his hometown, Oil City,and a $10.00 gift certificate forClipper's Cove.-Gruver declinedthe trip for tax reasons but saidhe and his wife will have dinnerat the Clipper's Cove the nextlime he is in Erie. *

President Garvey said that atfirst he was "cautiously op-timistic" about the contest, but

now lie knows it was a boost to hisimage."The contest proved that even

though people don't know eachother, they can still look alike,"reasoned Garvey.,, .; ,*-

Mary Daly said she is planninganother look-alike contest to beheld late in spring term . The per-son to be matched this time willeither be Tyrone Moore or WillSvdow, she stated. **

Roth, Kennedy Win

Live File*

Cabinet £Reported

A live file cabinet was reportedwalking through Zurn Hall lastnight. i Jp .& According to campus security,a four drawer, black metal filecabinet allegedly walked out ofDiane £ William's office goingwest. *2Jg: I £

"I've never seen anything likeit," said the security guard.f If anyone sees the cabinet,please notify Williams orsecurity. * . f E. waiiam Kennedy

*

THIS WEEK ON WMCYCom plete election returns Thursday

evening as they become available* F

WMCY SPECIAL-Sunday at 4:00 p.m.*? Palm Sunday Special 3

•The recording, "Jesus Christ Superstar", inIts entirety.*. ^ | |Plus news, Monday thru. Friday at noon andClassic music every Tuesday and Thursdayafternoons, 3 to 5. . %

WMCY * *880 AM - The voice ofMercyhurst College

M • JAndrew Roth *,In the recent series of Jan Ga ti

Days Contests, E. William Ken-nedy and Andrew Roth capturedthe first place trophies.;£KennedjrJ won the finger-snapping marathon and also ranaway "with the prize for the bestroutine. He'told the Mercilessthat he believes he won the awardbecause he can snap his fingerswhile holding a pencil. | jj*- It took a lot of practice , but itwas worth* it," s aid Kennedy.k£Andrew Roth, in video action,won first place in the Pac ManCompetition. In match pl ay. Rothbeat out Carl Triola, SharonSisco, Pat Hood, John Watson,and Len Cyterski. :v2f -v&ff * "I can safely say my wins Were,caused by calculated energizingand eating the monsters in rapidsuccession," commented Roth.

Jan Gatti, sponsor*? lor J theevents, said the two were ex-emplary in their performances^$ *THE MERCILESS SSi

Fore ign S tudentsP e r p e t r a t e C r i me

The Merciless has recentlylearned that two foreign studentsat Mercyhurst have been theperpetrators of severe localcrime.

Donyegro Pierre and Hyacin-the Coulibaly have been ap-prehended by Campus Security mTownhouse 5. According toPhyllis Aiello, director of housingand safe ty , t he pai r hasengineered a number of illegalschemes.

Aiello said that Pierre alleged-ly has been receiving stolengoods and selling them on theblack market. When he was ar-

t h o u s an d s o f d o l l a r skickbacks. The pair told Aand E. William Kennedy, dtor of student services, thatbegan their crime spree becthey were bored during wterm. /

Kennedy said that PierreCooley were not discovsooner because they had filtering the money through ican banks. Also, Kennedyhe was suspicious when Pheld bi-weekly rummage salhis apartment. They are bheld without bond in the HerRoom *'\

Donyegro Pierre

rested, Pierre w as caught with 12stereo systems, a Chinese poster,an old hat, a photo mural, severaltextbooks, a Diana Ross album,and*a pair of designer jeansreportedly stole n; from CarlosPizzi. g ' k ^ ?

Cooley has been offeringclandestine junkets to the IvoryCoast and has allegedly collected

L

Hyacinthe Coulidaly

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tuergtfcfng UIE print f 0 a lle^ ••AA P R I L 1 , 1 9 8 2 • „ • ;

RAG

yen Students Book edIn LRC After Rob bery

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In a recent library action,seven Mercyhurst students wereapprehended trying to beat thehorary security system. Each ofthese students were trying tosteal pictures for* their Seniorthesis. »; As the students ran through thecomputer check, a sn are imbedd-ed in the carpeting pulled themup through an art exhibit on thesecond floor of f the learningresource center. One of thesuspects fell free from the net,but caught after falling down thestep hazard, in front • of thebuilding.--jajak. , 5-

* Library assistants quicklyrounded up the suspects, and tookthem down to the Flecken Roomto await| trial by a jury oflibrarians. I S § *t£

!* In an exclusiveMerciless inter-view, it was learned the suspectshave petitioned for bond manytimes and been denied. Theywere allowed one phone call, butnone of them had a dime for thepay phone. Qgi- ^fflHSft-

McAuley Hall residents havejoined in the fight to free theirfellow students from the dreadedFlecken Room. .

They have t i ed yel lowbookmarks outside of their win-dows to show their support. Theyare also boycotting the L.R.C.and their Senior thesis. Theyhope that by their actions, theycan help the students or at thevery least, get out of writing theirthesis.;" One McAuley reside nt ex plain-ed his position, "I just don't thinkit's right to condemn students fortrying to steal when it's all fortheir thesis. At least one of those

"students may have to -repeatcourses because of this. But, ifthey hold out for'another week,we can have this beer blast weplanned 'for day 100 of th eirordeal." .y v*

If you would like to come to the"Day 100 of their ordeal" party,just write: .*£ -^i';' i

I'd like to come irsfep*-... i

B c/o the Merciless w&£&£>I Box 57f S L J i i i i & M E S b u .

\ *

KB

2 & $ ^

*L

WrW?

Tony DeMeo gives duck m ascot contender Jack Bour pointers

Waeulty Name ChangesAccording to an appropriationin the Five Year Plan, a number

of*faculty and' aoministratorshave been required to changetheir names' to serve!the image ofa new Mercyhurst cpmmunity.: * The new budget will allow thes e l ec t ed faculty and ad-mini s t r a tor s new dr iver ' slicenses, pasports, social securitycards, birth certificates, doorknockers, mail boxes, andstationei

Schrader. f I raj3. Joan North to Joan South $9|*4. Dick Garcia to Speedy Gon-zales |»5 . Bud Brown to Robert Reed.

6. Dr.. Jewell to Miss Ruby -V7. Mary Daly to M ary Nightly

,--8. Steve Curcio to Dan Rather: 9. Mike Diaco to Ted Kennedy

10. P, Barry McAndrew to J.Alfred McAndrew

11. Cathy Anderson to MindySL

Mercyhurst College is in thebeginning stages of Lakermania.Dr. Garvey has finally announc-ed the newly chosen Mercyhurstmascot, the Laker Duck. ;

"It was a difficult decision,however I feel I have made thebest choice to represent the col-lege community, stated Garvey.

Coach DeMeo showed his en-thusiasm concerning the Laker

duck by feeding the duck familythat cu rrently resides at the pondon campus. As he fed the quack-ing duckss the bisquits thecafeteria donated for the occa-sion, the newly formed Mer-cyhurst pep band played SplishSplash. jr' . -v kr

DeMeo commented, "It lookslike next year's football seasonwill be exciting with the additionof the duck. It will give us moreincentive to win." :

The celebration of the newmascot will be held this weekendat Belle Valley, everyone mustcome dressed like a duck. Thebest dressed duck will be the oneto represent the Lakers as the

Laker Duck in the 1982-83 sportsseason. ^ i r - • • ; a 3B£-To become the first chosen

duck, one must be able to quackin different sports languages, andwalk with a waddle at the sametime. Coach DeMeo has stated offthe record that he will encourage

in basic waddling. ^I ^f J?the administration to offerpaid scholarship to the Lmania Duck. However the dent's], office had no compertaining to this issue. ^

On Saturday afternooceremony will be held in thto and the duck statue wunveiled. The giant duck, has been reported to squastories high, 'will be lo

where the cube once restedduck Will overlook all thosenter through the gates in fold main. J | i t

Dr. Garvey said, "The Lmania Duck will i be to cyhurst College, like the NLion is to Penn S tate." ?S

will lak e effect on May 1:1: John Muzic to John Dance.

. 2.- Bonnie Cherico to Sally

127Hyacinthe Coulibali'toPeteRose% ™ v 1?J13. Martha Chauncey to JuliaChild

The Junction38th And Pine

Tite EndzRock-n-Roll

Friday & Saturday 10-2I

Wednesday, April 7 - D.J."Have A Ball With Tite Endz"

Clipper

CoveMondayTuesday tWednesdayThursday

Grilled ham and cheese sandwich and soupStuffed Peppers with homefries % H «Baked chicken and potatoes au gratinHot roast beef sandwich wi th french fries

What's in our snackbasket? We have an array offfour lightlybreaded Items, all deep fried to a golden brown, These.Jncfude:cheese ba lls, zucchini, mushrooms, and onion chips. And if youwish, you can top it off with our delicious apple sticks. \

1 Where our food meets the student body.

nmiiiniiiiiiniinni

TALENT SHOW PARTICIPANTS If you are interested in this summers Dinner Theatre productions of A RENAISSANCE FEAST aGILBERT AND SULLIVAN CABARET you can use your talentnumber as an audition piece. Should you wish to be considered this fashion, please leave a note for Mr. Igor Stalsky in Preston 203.

THEMERCILESS

V* I

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X

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Suergtftfng mt print fa a lie." APRIL-1,1982 PAG

Basketbal l Announces1982-83 Schedule

Hi, My name is Sprout and I'mthe Beanstalk's little brother.The first thing fit like to do is setthe record straight* My brotherdoesn't write this column,« hepays a 6th grader 25 cents a weekto write it. Second, Mom likes mebest.tj don't care what anyonesays my Big brother is a jerk.He's stupid and he dresses funny.So now you can see why youshould never read this his columnagain. Now that the truth's outand he has been discredited I cantake his place.*?gV \ <i £

For my picks week I'd like topick the Eric Prep skins team tobeat the shirt team. I know theskin team is all sweaty and no onelikes them 'cause they smell badbut they'll still'vrink «S?**»SSV Next I'd like to tell DennyChun I want to play basketball at

Louisville when I grow up. I canalready shoot freethrows and canb e a t m y b r o t h e r f a t n e r fbasketball | S ^ S S ^ t *i

Well I have to go now. Mybrother's I coming and 31 don'twant him to see this or else he'lltell momJ.Until next week this isthcsprout signing off. JAJL

Mercyhurst basketball coachBill Karnaugh has announced the1982 - 83 Basketball schedule."The emphasis is on upgradingthe program and bringing the na-tional respect to Erie schools,"Kalbaugh stated. Kalbaugh saidthat the traditional schools suchas Alliance, Behrend, Edinboro,Gannon, 3 and Indiana will bemaintained along with some newteams on the schedule. ?

Some of these new teams in-clude, Georgetown, DePaul, OhioState, Purdue, Clemson, andNotre Dame. "W e're opening theseason with Notre Dame," said

1

Kalbaugh. "They had a bad yearand we're hoping to catch themwhile they are still down so wecan ge t off to a fast s tar t." Whenasked about the other new nameson the schedule Kalbaughresponded they shouldn't be too

FununWThe Sun

The Mercyhurst College Crewteam returned from a successfulspring trip to Florida this week.Coach AlBelovarac was ecstaticwith the results and commented,"GeCjJrve never been itoDisneyworld before. It was worthhaving all those fund raisers justto get a chance to meet Mickey

big of a problem. "DePaul willchoke just like they do in theNCAA Tournament. All we haveto do is convince Ray Meyer thatthis game is the first round of thetourney and it will be no problem.As for Georgetown, I really thinkwe can take them. Dave (Mar-shall) and Eric (Peek) will dou-ble team Ewing and I don't thinkhe'll be a problem. The only thingthat worries me is Ewing break-ing a rim in frustation and havingto forfeit th e game. Besides wecan-always resort to having ourguys call for the ball when FredBrown has it." \ ."*

As for the other new teamsKalbaugh foresees no difficulty.'."The only team I'm worriedabout is clemson. I don't knowmuch about them but Merciadtypist Elaine Coyle assures methat they're good."i£::. ;-.*?'->•

Mouse." ..i Unaccustomed "to the sunnyafternoons, rowing was confinedto the early morning and lateevenings when the weather wasmore like that of the familiar£rie climate. The Florida after-

noons were spent loungingaround poolside, discussingvarious rowing techniques.Junior Captain, Randy Patter-son, who was the leader of thesenoontime sessions, claimed, "Idon't think the temperature everdropped below 85 degrees. It wasgood to give everyone a chance to

1

have their say and to work on

The Lakers shown in spring action against the S. S. Minnow

their tans. It was a real teameffort."

Not all of the trip was hardwork though, besides the trip toDisneyworld, many of the crewmembers got a chance to take inthe floor show at the reknown

Booby Trap lounge. Many a nightwould find these dedicatedoarsmen on the "dance floor" en-joying this!Flor$da hot spot.

Other highlights included abrush with one of the localresidents of the lake-where theteam worked out. The resident, a14-foot alligator, could be, seeneach morning trailing the shells

in an attempt to satisfy its retilian appetite. Coach Belovarriding in the launch, wodiscourage the beast by firishots over its head until it dispeared into the weeds.;

All in all the trip proved to bbeneficial experience to the Eoarsmen. It gave them a chanto participate in a foreiclimate, unlike that which OMan Winter creates throughthe Erie Spring. v

£ Junior oarsmen Rick Leasummed up the whole tripcommenting, "Who : says thard work can't be fun."

i CITASSIFIEDS CtASSIFlEDS CLASSIFIEDS.1... Need car repairs? Don't call

Dave, Do you have a vastf Allen iJ'Mr. G o o d w r e n c h "knowledge in politics or gossip? TompkinsJ i -

SE E PHYLLIS AlELLO and Tompkin Tire Service. HffifcfflSRJCH LANZILLO "Get down" :. ;_ 4 UrigSaturday night at RAZZiE^s! ^Mis^er 0. Cute Shower Curtain.

^ . r . u-wMM--- - gg&tt lis matches your eyes. Jg» •• «» •s-'—vV ' *• &• •BOWLERS DQ IT WITH CLASS! ,'., < Mike L., Doesn't your jaw ever Bob, nice robe! & &

S....iVy..»'• ••• Women against Pornography get tird or sore? S \ «...Karen - remember were behind ,Vows*to fight Bob 0. and the .'....„.....* ., Bob from Harrisburg, Happy 2lstyou 100 per cent, good luck! Love, rBoy's Club Details on page 215 in HIRl/is a Blow-Off; Birthday. Go for it! Terrie, Fran ,

fnends 7the National Enquirer. Y - Kath. li f ^ M t f -

Jo e Mc-10:00 hunger

Attention Boy's Club: Buy Borobe for his birthday. TheClub. f Sjp

Flail, Best of luck to you.behind you all the way.

Thanks for all your help AmyGroover. You .are a lifesaver!Guess who? J .'....Coach E - Your a real puppy inyour old age.-Roller Skating -you? Now really; The-^'CooT*Jockette $ vjj&J >Jr f*

Hey taxi - Iceskating rink please -and fast. '. * '.'.

a&VDon Sc h r i bne r - Ha ppy 45 t h B i r -t hda y - we ' l l c e l e b ra t e a t R A Z -ZEE'S. Love AJways - D e b r a K. 2

Opening soon on c a mpus Al l e n

H ey B o b , w h e n a r e y o u givingl e ssons t o be c ome a s t ud , be c a useI wa n t t o -be c ome , o n e just l ikeyou. ~£ '** J i "*"

Attn: for the latest gossip,' con-tact Dave in McAuley. J

Pa ve , No. I mean WayneWilliams, No. National Enquirer,No. RADAR.* 7 TL^.....'..-i...:

;i.v^.

Dave A., Sleep kind of light,hugh? i > *icSubbing for Rona Barretttonight is Dave Alexander.

Lambda Epsilon Delta J ^ ~ 3

of

MERCYHURST COLLEGEInvites You To Attend

the

R E L I H A N . L E C T U R EFeaturing

JANIC E W DAVIS ...

1981-82 PENNSYLVANIA TEACH ER~bf the YEAR

Wednesday, April 7th8-00 PM . £

200 Old Main

Refreshments to follow.Please join us.

•

m-

V

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Free RegularSize Soft Drink

Good At 1311 Broad S t., 4319 Peach St. - t

COUpOn EXplrBS April 8, 1982^ One coupon per customer per visit

m.

TH E MERCILESS



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