The Quality Student Newspaper at the University of St Andrews

THE MITRE30pVol. II, No 5 March 2, 2004

Refusal to Assess Students Until

Dispute is ResolvedTHE Association of

University Teachers called a two-day nationwide strike during the week of February 25, 2004 to protest a new pay package proposed by the University employers. The effect on teaching at St Andrews was scattered, as many teachers refuse to join the union.

According to a striking teacher in the Department of History, the new pay scale would lessen the starting salary for new academics and would have a greater timespan until the highest salary can be achieved. The striking teachers feel that this would hurt both students and faculty, as well as further discourage new talent from

A.U.T. ‘INDUSTRIAL ACTION’ OVER

PROPOSED NEW PAY PACKAGE

proposed inordinate rent rises defeatedTHE proposed 27%

increase in rent for those in University accommodation was replaced by a phased increase when the University Court met in Parliament Hall on February 20th, 2004.

Instead, the Court approved a 14.1% increase in 2004/05, a 9% increase in 2005/06 and a 7.9%

increase in 2006/07 (not including the rate of inflation).

It is believed the compromise was reached after a long series of negotiations between the Students’ Association represented by its president, Mr. Derek Mcleod, and the Factor & Quaestor (the University’s director of

Finance), Mr. Derek Watson.

“The present situation was not sustainable,” Mr. Watson said. “It is our strong belief that it is unfair to students [...] to continue to take money away from teaching and research resources to subsidise student rents.”

The residences are

currently loss-making to the extent of £550,000, which the Factor & Quaestor pointed out is a major drain on academic resources. The university’s system of accommodation incorporates over 3,000 beds, and thus is capable of holding nearly half of the 6,500 students enrolled at St Andrews.

lecturers strike

entering the field of academia. Some claimed it was just one step on the road to privatisation of universities, which many see as just a few years away.

The Association of University Teachers has told its members to refuse to cooperate in their students’ assessment until the dispute is resolved.

rape claimthrown out

A JUDGE of the Court of Session in Edinburgh has ruled against a £100,000 damages action against the University of St Andrews brought by a former student. The former student claims to have been raped on a beach by three Russian sailors in the very early hours of 12 June, 1996, while she was on an St Andrews exchange at Odessa in the Ukraine.

The judge ruled that the plaintiff had not satisfactorily made out a case that the University had failed in its obligation to protect her. The exchange administration officially warned students not to visit the beach during night hours. The University of St Andrews and Odessa University have operated exchanges since 1992 without any previous problems.

JUDGE RULES ON SUIT AGAINST

UNIVERSITY

A.U

.T.

ex-student’s

The Quality Student Newspaper at the University of St Andrews

THE MITRETHE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWSII

linguist to represent

LECTURER MADE CONSUL OF

ISLAND ‘KINGDOM OF REDONDA’

A LECTURER at the University of St Andrews has joined the eccentric ranks of a number of writers, film-makers, and actors, in being chosen as the representative in Scotland of a small Caribbean island. Dr. Alexis Grohmann, of the School of Modern Languages, has accepted the position of Consul of the Kingdom of Redonda, however he has never and will never be able to step foot on the small island neighbouring Montserrat.

Redonda is an uninhabited as well as uninhabitable island discovered by Columbus in 1493. It was purchased by an Irish trader in 1865 and eventually evolved into a ‘kingdom’ ruled from abroad by a number of eccentrics. The current ruler is King Xavier I, the beau of Spanish literary world known more often by his birth name of Javier Marías.

Aiding King Xavier in his rule are a number of dukes and duchesses, who in the past have included Dylan Thomas, Vincent Price, Joan Crawford, and J.B. Priestley. The island’s current dukes include architect Frank Gehry, Nobel Prize winner J.M. Coetzee, and writer A.S. Byatt.

“It is a true privilege to form part of such an illustrious and enlightened kingdom,” Dr. Grohmann remarked, “and

The University purchased Hamilton in 1951 before the Golf boom.

hamilton hall under

threat?

IT HAS been rumoured throughout St Andrews that University officials are considering turning Hamilton Hall back into a hotel in order to raise money to maintain the University’s world-class status. The hall is included in one of the iconic views of St Andrews, as it rests at the corner of the Scores and Golf Place overlooking the Royal and Ancient Golf Club and the Eighteenth Hole.

The changeover would likely happen in one of two ways. Either the University would partner itself with a private consortium to manage what is now Hamilton Hall as an upscale hotel, or the residence might just be sold altogether for a lump sum; estimates range as high as £25-30 million.

Hamilton Hall was built as the Grand Hotel, which went bankrupt around 1950. The Archdiocese of St Andrews attempted to purchase it to use as a seminary, but the anti-Catholic sentiment in the town was still so vehement that the sale could not go through.

The University bought it in 1951 and shortly after converted it into an all-male hall of residence. University halls of residence became coeducational in the early 1990’s.

University officials could not be reached for comment before the Mitre went to press.

ICONIC RESIDENCETO BE CONVERTED

INTO HOTEL?

eccentric island kingdom

I shall endeavour to discharge my duties judiciously and jocularly.” The linguist was rewarded in recognition of his work on Marías, having written several essays on the writer as well as a book published in 2002.

Redonda’s status evolved after Irishman Matther Shiell sailed passed the mile-long island and decided to purchase it in 1865. According to lore, fifteen years later, Shiell had his son crowned King of Redonda by the Bishop of Antigua. Felipe I, or M.P. Shiell, became a fantasy writer and eventually abdicated in

favour of poet John Gawsworth, thus beginning the only system of literary succession in the world.

Upon being raised to the aristocracy of the island kingdom, individuals are notified that they have ‘no duties whatsoever, not even that of loyalty’. The Dukes and Duchesses do, however, decide the winner of the annual Realm of Redonda Prize for literature, a prize of €6,000.

Dr. Grohman is founder of the Scoiety of Scottish Hispanists, and a contributor to the Dictionary of Literary Biogrpahy.

THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWS THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWS III

day of prayer for uni@ersities

European Universities Day will be marked on Saturday, 13 March, 2004 by an inter-denominational prayer service in St. Salvator’s Chapel. At the service, an icon of Christ which is travelling around the world will be received from an Irish delegation by Bishop Joseph Devine of the neighbouring Diocese of

THE feelings of joy experienced by St Andrean Lt. Christopher Cruden upon the completion of his commissioning course at the Royal Military Academy, Sandhurst, were somewhat dampened by the discovery that a woman of unsavoury looks had barged into the end of course group

photo. The woman, dressed

in civilian clothes, wandered into the photograph taken on the parade ground to mark the group’s commissioning. “We had no idea who she was,” Cruden explained. “We had never even seen her before.” Lt. Cruden later

remarked that his “shocked and appalled” by the woman, who was unsuitably attired as well.

In other news, a new Fife Council report has recorded an increase in the number of whiskey-and-Pringles thefts from automobiles over the past month. The report shows

that the most likely targets of such attacks are heads of security for secret societies who leave their cars unlocked while briefly visiting friends. The council study also showed the most likely perpatrator to be presidents of secret societies who like to piss off their heads of security.

Dunkeld.The icon was

specially commissioned by Pope John Paul II, and has already travelled to Greece, Russia, Spain, the Ukraine, Peru, Chile, Ecuador, Slovakia, and Ireland. Bishop Devine will receive the icon on behalf of the Scottish delegation

organising the icon’s tour of universities around the world.

It will rest in the University Chapel of St. Salvator’s during the day on Saturday, and will then be transferred to the Chapel of St. Margaret in Canmore, the Catholic Chaplaincy on the Scores. The icon will

Above: St. Salvator’s Chapel, location for the prayer service. rest there for three days before it moves on to its next location.

Father Halloran, the Catholic Chaplain and priest of St. James’ Church, has indicated that the faithful are welcome to visit the icon in St. Margaret’s for most of the day, while Canmore is open to visitors.

sandhurst photo ruined by presence of beastly woman

PHOTO: UNIV. LIBRARY

featuresTHE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWSIV

I have an issue: it is the lack of faith in the doctrine of resurrection in the body, and I hope that by reading the following at least a few readers will as Christians do themselves the favour of pausing to sit down and think about the matter. My job here is to bring out some points to convince you that this is a worthwhile effort. (Nb. I have chosen to use resurrection in the body’ rather than ‘of’ to emphasise a point, not because I have any objections to the authorised formulation.)

It is our lot to live an embodied existence in the world. Traditional theological anthropology defines the human being as a unity composed of an immaterial substantive principle, the soul, and a material one, the body. Usually, on a day-to-day basis, most people don’t give much thought to this composition, but when a person dies the inanimate body presents us with an intellectual problem. Where is the person I used to know? What does it mean that they are ‘dead’? How can they be so radically different to what they were just before their death?

In the traditional view, what happens at death is the separation of the substantive soul from the corruptible body. But as for

Our very own SOFIE VON

HAUCH presents a call to belief in the doctrine of

bodily resurrection.

the soul, what happens to it, and by implication for the human person, at death is less observable. In fact, it is not observable at all and provides a starting point for the metaphysical speculations.

Most cultures have some notion of an afterlife. Having spent unreasonably disproportionate amounts of time in anthropology departments, I’m acquainted with many of these notions, and it seems ot me that our own culture

and its brothers in spirit are the only ones which entirely neglect thought of the afterlife. But more on that later.

Presently, let us state that the existence of different notions of an afterlife not in itself constitutes evidence of the latter, but it does make one think. Christianity has a highly sophisticated notion of the afterlife based on the Scriptural accounts of the life and death of Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God,

who was crucified in the early first century A.D. After being buried He rose again from the tomb in His body and was seen like this by many people. Among these people was the Apostle Paul, on whom this encounter made such an impression that his whole life immediately was reoriented around the event, and he spent the rest of his life preaching this news and its consequences to the world.

This is the kind of

‘...THEN YOUR FAITH

THE RESURRECTION OF THE DEAD

THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWS V

thing I’m hoping will happen to you readers. Obviously, I’m not St. Paul and I have not seen the Lord -- I don’t even know if I really believe in the resurrection in the way I’m supposed to -- but it is my conviction that this doctrine is absolutely crucial to work at if we are to begin taking our Christian lives seriously.

And there is work to be done if we are to do this. First, we are actually required to believe in the resurrection of the body. Every Sunday we say our Creed, but how many of us actually mean Credo ... et expecto resurrectionem mortuorum? Do we actually look for or expect ourselves and other people to live on personally, even to rise again, after they have died, and if so in their bodies? Fortunately, Holy Scripture is full of the good news that this is true, and St. Paul is very explicit on this particular point: ‘But if there be no resurrection of the dead, then Christ is not risen again. And if Christ is not risen again, then is our preaching vain, and your faith is also vain.’ (1 Cor 15:13ff). If we fail to affirm resurrection in the body our faith is nothing.

Second, work is needed because it is a difficult doctrine to get one’s head around. From ordinary experience it seems perfectly possible to forget about this doctrine entirely and go on living as if this world is all there is, and in any case it is easier than trying to understand

what resurrection means. We may find Thomistic anthropology helpful again in that the understanding of a human person incorporating two separable principles does provide both an explanation of and an argument for resurrection. When the body dies then, it loses its vital form, the soul. The soul however, because it is a substance in and of itself, can live separately from the body, and retain the characteristics of personhood it acquired during its time in the body.

It is important to understand that a soul is not some kind of Cartesian/ Platonic singular entity, but that its nature qua human rational soul is to be united to a body. The soul needs its completion in union with its own body, even if it is capable of existing separated from this. This, by implication, means that the soul after death waits for a time when it will again be united with its body in a new form, id est the general resurrection at the end of time. At this point, whenever and however it will happen, we shall rise again in our bodies.

Whoa, deep breath. Think about this for a moment. Presuming we’re dead by the time, our separated souls will be united with their own bodies in a spiritual version. How exactly this works is not known. All we have to give us an idea is the witness by the evangelists of the resurrection appearances of Jesus, but it is not really our

place to ask these technical questions (cf. 1 Cor 15:35ff).

The heart of the matter is that we start thinking about the doctrine of bodily resurrection and ask ourselves if we actually believe what we say we believe and look for, and to let ourselves be fascinated and carried away by this outstanding and beautiful doctrine, and its truly evangelical implications.

Friends, this means that life everlasting is actually ours, not in some idealistic fluffy-rosy sort of way, nor in an impersonal dissolution-Nirvana sense, but actually, personally, and bodily. We shall live forever, as ourselves and in our own bodies, and this in the beatific vision, in communion with God. That is what Jesus accomplished for us as it was ordained from the beginning.

Rather sobering stuff, this. Inspiring, but also bringing one down to earthly realities. When accepting the doctrine of resurrection in the body, and the Thomistic formulation of the understanding of such, it becomes clear that what we do and deal with in this life, right now, touch with our hands and see with out eyes, think with out minds and speak with our mouths, really does matter, and bears directly upon our life after life. I’m not just thinking about Purgatory, but also that the manner of our existence in Heaven, which is the eternal joy of God, depends in a sense on

our life on earth since our soul will retain the impression it acquires during life, in this world and the next. But I won’t pursue this further since my main concern is with acceptance and love of this doctrine of resurrection in itself.

One thing which I find interesting in relation to this is the state of our society. Of course people have always said that these surely are the end times, with all the horrible things going on and the overwhelming perversion of the true, beautiful, and good. My thesis is that the diffusion of secular thought into all branches of society, even the Church herself, has had serious consequences for the doctrine of resurrection. This is a stumbling block to many people nominally Christian or not, and when we abandon faith in resurrection our faith is nothing, as Paul says.

What is needed is a thorough conversion (or a few billion individual ones), which only God can bring about, but as far as we can facilitate this, we really should. Receiving the sacraments is the best remedy, but intellectual exercise over doctrinal issues is also very helpful, and I hold the doctrine of bodily resurrection to be absolutely crucial in this regard. It is difficult to understand, and implies difficult consequences, but we owe it to the Lord and to ourselves to labour over it. In colloquial terms, my point is deal with it, mate!

ALSO IS VAIN’

THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWS UNITED COLLEGE OF ST SALVATOR AND ST LEONARDUNITED COLLEGE OF ST SALVATOR AND ST LEONARD

In TheWHAT’S GOING ON IN AND AROUND

Parliament HallNEWS OF THE UNION DEBATING SOCIETY

Miss Alexandra Jennings

March 2004

Every ThursdayComplineEvening prayers, usually followed by drinks at the Byre.10:00pm, St. Leonard’s Chapel

Sunday, 7Choral EvensongPerformed by the Renaissance Group.7.30pm, Holy Trinity Church

Wednesday, 10Chesterton and Belloc: A Catholic RevolutionOwen Dudley Edwards of the University of Edinburgh’s School of History talks about the literary/ political/cultural phenomenon of G.K. Chesterton and Hilaire Belloc.The Catholic Society.8:00pm, Canmore, 24 the ScoresChoral EvensongIn honour of St. Patrick (whose feast is in a week’s time), performed by the Chapel Choir.5:30pm, St. Salvator’s Chapel

Sunday, 14University ChapelProfessor Derek Burke, former Vice-Chancellor of the University of East Anglia, preaching. (Sherry afterwards in the Hebdomadar’s Room)11:00am, St. Salvator’s Chapel

Wednesday, 17St. Patrick’s Day PartyThe Catholic Society will have it’s Annual General Meeting to elect a

new committee, which will be followed by a jovial evening in honour of Ireland’s patron saint.8:00pm, Canmore, 24 the Scores

Friday, 19An Evening With Ann WiddecombeThe Catholic Society hosts an evening with the indomitable Widdy, a Christian in politics.8:00, Location TBA

Sunday, 21University Chapel

Father Jeremy Fairhead, Catholic Chaplain to the University of Oxford, preaching. (Sherry afterwards in the Hebdomadar’s Room)11:00am, St. Salvator’s Chapel

Wednesday, 24David KerrAn alumnus of the University of St Andrews currently working as a producer at the BBC will speak at the invitation of the Catholic Society.8:00pm, Canmore, 24 the ScoresChoral Evensong

I realise the most of this newspaper’s readers are expecting this to be an article about the recent successful Charity Debate on 20 February, which raised funds for Cancer Research (organized by Miss Michelle Romero). However, in light of recent events, I felt that the Courier Junior Schools Debating Championship was more important.

Twelve of Scotland’s finest schools debaters from Dollar Academy, Dunfermline High School, Madras College, Robert Gordon’s College, and Grove Academy descended upon the venerable Parliament Hall in the early afternoon of 27 February for speech practise with various members of the Debating Society before being taken for at the wonderfully proletarian Beaton’s in the Student Union. These six teams have fought sixty-six other teams in three rounds to make it to the Courier Final and proved

definitively with their speaking skill that they indeed deserved the honour of debating in our Society’s hallowed chamber. With many supporters from their schools and families, and the sponsors of the competition looking on, they debated the motion “This House Would Ration the Old to Nurture the Young.”

The speeches were good and they proved, among other things, that one does not have to be a matriculate student at university to speak coherently. And perhaps being a university student makes it more likely that one will be unable to speak coherently. Also, having a male Convenor and a female head judge resulted in more than one confused address to “Madam Speaker, Sir.”

The winners of this prestigious competition were Netan Dogra and Kenny Nicoll from Grove Academy and the runners-up were Carys Williamson and Katy Trim

A NDAND ST. MARY’S COLLEGE, SCHOOL OF DIVINITYST. MARY’S COLLEGE, SCHOOL OF DIVINITY

CollegesTHE UNIVERSITY OF ST ANDREWS

Prayer RequestsFOR ELIZABETH, OUR QUEEN, may she govern wisely, be resolute in leadership, and amply follow Your will.For Anthony, our Prime Minister, may he foster a culture of life in this realm, and defend it from all who wish it harm.For Keith Patrick, our Cardinal Archbishop, may he minister wisely, be a bastion of orthodoxy, and propagate the Gospel in our Archdiocese.For Sir Clement, our Lord Rector, may he justly represent the students of this University.For Brian, our Vice-Chancellor and Principal, may he conduct the affairs of this University with love, prudence, foresight, and in the light of Faith.For this University, may we promote wisdom, life, and love, and continue to answer Your call as did Your Apostle Andrew.

For these people, we humbly beg pardon for their sins, and pray that their lives might reflect Your everlasting dominion.

GLORY BE TO THE FATHER AND TO THE SON AND TO

THE HOLY GHOST, AS IT WAS IN THE BEGINNING, IS NOW, AND EVER SHALL BE,

WORLD WITHOUT END.

AMEN.

X

In honour of the Annunciation (feast is the following day), performed by the Chapel Choir.5:30pm, St. Salvator’s Chapel

April 2004

Easter Sunday, 21University ChapelThe Rev. Dr. James Walker, University Chaplain, preaching. (Sherry afterwards in the Hebdomadar’s Room)11:00am, St. Salvator’s Chapel

from Dollar Academy.Netan Dogra had said earlier

in the afternoon that all he really wanted was to one day wear a St Andrews undergraduate gown. I indulged his fantasy and when he returned it, assured him that his day would come and he could have a gown of his own.

That Friday night, we did indeed see the future of the Union Debating Society, as many of the schoolchildren that participate in the Courier Schools Competition find their way to the streets of St Andrews and to Parliament Hall. We need only look around our society to see former participants, including Mr. David Bean, the Convenor, Miss Kirsty Russell, the Schools Secretary, Mr. Jamie Potton and Mr. Richard Watt, inter-varsity debaters, and Mr. Stuart Patterson, the president of the Tory Club.

At the dinner following the debate, the future of the society continued to be shaped. Current members of the Board of Ten dined with emeritus members such as Mr. Alistair Pugh, founder of the Strafford Club, Mr. Peter Murray, a parliamentary aide in Westminster,

and Mr. Eliot Wilson, the soon to be married Father of the House. Old Schools debaters chatted with those who had once judged them. Old rivalries were buried which could mean a greater unification within the society itself. The Convenor, Mr. Bean, in a much speculated upon and anticipated announcement, said that he would not be standing for a second term, feeling that he had done his duty and it was time for someone else to sit in the Convenor's Chair. That person may very well be Mr. Peter Blair, the Championship Secretary, who followed Mr. Bean’s announcement with his intention to stand for the coveted office.

We are now beginning to see the shape of the future of the Union Debating Society. We see it in the new debaters that are coming up through the ranks and will one day take up the challenge where we will have to leave it, just as we have with those who went before us. As it is with everything else in St. Andrews, the past, present, and future are all very closely linked and a society with such rich and colourful traditions from the past is ensured to have a long and prosperous future.

Friends ofthe Mitre

Patrons (£100 and over)THE REGINA SABLE CLUBMR. AND MRS. EDWARD J.

GANNONBenefactors (£20 and over)

(None so far, maybe you?)Supporters (£5 and over)

MR. STEPHANO COSTANZOLT. CHRISTOPHER CRUDEN

MR. NICHOLAS VINCENT gave 89p and a button.

THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWSVIII

leisurelyPURSUITSThe Scots just don’t know how to have a good time...

This month we have been enjoying the array of tweed on display in our little town.

Firstly, a fashionable congratulations to a certain enigmatic society which, post-meeting, were spotted retiring to the Westport in order to partake of a few beverages. Decked out in their very lovely tweed jackets, the gentlemen in question had no trouble attracting the attention of a few local ladies... but aside from the sartorial elegance of this particular society, we would like to introduce to all our dear readers the contenders for our ‘looking very lovely in tweed’ award.

All regular Chapel attendées will be well aware of the appropriate attire of Mr. Rob Cockburn -- who knows that a honey coloured tweed is the best accompaniment to the undergraduate scarlet, and stylishly sets the combination off with a wonderful crimson waistcoat which our sources inform us is, in fact, a second hand purchase. This surely has to be applauded -- an addition of reactionary style to the gentleman’s already rather luscious Sunday best!

Competing against him is our beloved Editor-in-Chief, Mr. Andrew Cusack, who was seen wearing a loose fitting tweed over more casual garments on his way to a drinks party held by the inestimable Mr. Colin Cavendish-Jones and his lovely lady Lucy. Mr. Cusack is our ‘Man about town in tweed’ and we delight in seeing him wearing said jacket with casual striped shirts, or beneath a wool overcoat -- and always accessorised...

F A S H I O N H U N T I N G

F A S H I O N : L A U R A W I L S O N - H U N T I N G : P H O E B E T A L B O T - C E C I L S T O V E S

A Friend in Tweed is a

Friend Indeed! PHOBE TALBOT-CECIL

STOVES chides Holyrood for its Malfeasance

The Scots are a funny people. They have always wanted a bit of independence, indeed they have been monotonously moaning for it since the moment they lost it.

And so in an attempt to halt the assault on our fair refined ears of the harsh Scots vernacular, we English, the pure of heart and generous in soul, gave them their own parliament. That, in itself, was awfully nice of us. We thought ‘twould keep them quiet. But we had turned our backs on the troublesome Scot, thinking they were satisfied with their lot, and while we left them to their own devious devises, they actually used what little power they had: A ban on fox hunting with hounds.

Shame I hear you cry at the back? Indeed, a grave shame! A shame that they have proved themselves to be the un-spirited, non-sporting, and uncivilised people that we have already spent centuries mocking them for being. It really is an awful shame that this pastime of sport, stallion, and stirrup has been taken from those who still want to partake in the sport that is fox hunting.

Now, I ask this: why do the MSPs at Holyrood believe they have the prerogative to take away a man’s (or indeed a woman’s) right to partake in the chase? I don’t think

they do, they are just content that they have caused some controversy. I blame the round chamber myself, the lack of good old adversarial politics must be to blame in some way or another.

I ask you this now: Why have they revoked the right born to all Britons? Is it their love for the rodent fox? Or are we to believe that they are attempting to modernise our archaic sporting tradition?

I would suggest that it is none of these, but rather the Scots merely want to cause controversy and pull attention towards their barrage of “Och,

Nooos”, exercising any pointless power they have. This, my Lords and Ladies, is the travesty that is the Scottish nationalism.

Can we thwart it? NO. Can we condemn and criticise it? YES, we can, and we should. Imagine depriving the common huntsman of his weekly winter sport as well the warm bloods the weekly exercise they need. Imagine ripping the prestige from the red-coated Hunt’s Master and all the Whippeters. A plague on all their houses!

The day a man of British birth is not allowed to partake in the chase that

quickens his heart is the day that I am disgusted, and today I am disgusted! I am almost ashamed to be labelled British along with the troublesome Scot, master of such

depravity. I may be British by birth, but I

am English by the Grace of God, and I would urge you all to

feel the same and join me in firm condemnation of the Scottish parliament and aid in the prayers for all those who have been banned from the sport for which they previously lived.

It is my recommendation that we reinstate the sixth verse of the national anthem, to ensure that the Scots know their position within our society:888

Lord grant that Marshal WadeMay by thy mighty aidVictory bring.May he sedition hush,And like a torrent rush,Rebellious Scots to crush.God save the Queen!Con’t on Next Page, Col. 2

THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWS THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWS IX

S O C I A L R E P O R T

by the Gowned GalootWe were lucky

enough to obtain a ticket (a month late) to the Valentine’s Ball thrown at the Edinburgh Assembly Rooms on Friday, February 13, 2004 to benefit the charitable endeavours of the Sovereign Military Order of Malta in Scotland.

Among the number of St Andreans in attendance were Mitre patron and Regina Sable Club president Yusuke Osawa and his fellow Kate Kennedy komrade Damian Kimmelman. Likewise attending was everyone’s favourite Lumsden Club lady, Michelle Romero, only a week before her highly successful Charity Debate benefiting the Association for Inter-national Cancer Research.

Fra’ Frederick Crichton-Stuart, known to most simply as Fra’ Freddie, was seen chatting with His Grace, Mario Conti, the Archbishop of

Glasgow, both of whom, we’ve noticed, have amassed rather a large fan base in this old gray town.

The good knight’s nephew, Archie Crichton-Stuart and his charming former belle Emma provided much joviality for many of the ballgoers. Will Lyons, who covered the event for the Scotsman, brought along his charming wife Kate.

Mitre editor-in-chief

Andrew Cusack was accompanied by no less than the enchanting duo of Clara de Soto, daughter of ‘U.N. sex symbol’ Alvaro de Soto (currently in delicate negotiations in the Western Sahara), and Katie Cordtz, whose parents are members of the Order in the States.

The funds raised went to Dial-A-Journey Scotland, helping disabled people with transport.

MALTESE MAYHEMIN EDINBURGH

by the Eager TheistEyebrows were

raised sky-high on Saturday, February 21, 2004 at the annual St. Mary’s College Society Ball when a clean and light-hearted student cabaret was followed by a rather sordid affair put on by none other than the College staff and faculty themselves.

The ignominious spectacle in the ballroom of the St Andrews Golf Hotel involved two faculty members, one of whom is an ordained minister of the Church of Scotland, being given what one ballgoer described as a “lap dance” by two “very scantilly-clad” women on the College staff to the song ‘Hey Big Spender.’

“Disgraceful,” said one fourth-year mediaeval history student of the faculty frivolities. “I thought it was very tawdry,” he added.

“Juvenile antics” quipped a third-year. “I think we all felt quite uncomfortable about it.”

A student enrolled in the School of Divinity went further, claiming that “the whole ethos of St. Mary’s College was summed up in that act, and that’s really not something I want to be a part of.”

The Eager Theist wonders if perhaps in this case the students are the ones with teaching to do, and the faculty need to sit down and take a lesson!

A FRIEND IN TWEED... Continued from Previous Page, Col. 1...with a Daily Telegraph!

Parliament Hall has recently been awash with out most favourite fabric -- but gaining nomination is one Mr. Joseph Tendler, the former Schools Secretary. Wearing a green tinged tweed with navy trousers and matching jumper and socks in a rather lovely shade of lemon curd, we were hardly able to pay attention to the debate! The gentleman was once again proving that tweed is the best accompaniment to

the red gown -- we salute you, Mr. Tendler, for you are quite ‘the thing’!

Stealing the prize, however, from all these worthy and wonderful men is the Social Secretary of the Tory Club, Board of Ten high-flyer, and future Convenor of Debates, Mr. Peter Blair. Mr. Blair has demonstrated his worthiness of the award on two occasions this month. He was observed arriving at a business lunch with debating sponsors and outdoing all of

JUVENILE ANTICS AT ST MARY’S BALL

The Assembly Rooms, Edinburgh.

his Board colleagues in well-tailored chinos, a pastel pink Oxford cotton shirt, old school tie, and beautiful tweed jacket -- and once again accompanying his beloved Miss Goodwin from St. Salvator’s Chapel in trews, undergraduate tie, and what can only be described as a damn gorgeous two piece tweed affair in a very subtle grey which we are told is over sixty years old. Appropriate, stylish, and vintage as well. Mr. Blair, you deserve a medal!

THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWS THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWSX

‘If you judge someone, you have no time to love them.’

AIEN ARISTEUEIN

These salient words are among the many uttered by the blessed Teresa of Calcutta during her earthly life, and they are words we at university ought to take to heart. How quick we are to judge our brothers and sisters! And yet we desire to be judged least of all things.

How often we bear the brunt of some friend or acquaintance’s nasty attitude and we say to ourselves “what a horrible, mean person!” We do not stop to think of what troubles him, of what’s causing him to be mean to those around him. We judge them bad, we complain to the rest of our friends, and we move along our merry ways.

We must not do this though! Every human being, like it or not, is our brother or sister, because we are all children of God. He created every one of us, and had us in mind from the beginnng of time. This fraternity tears down all divides, transcending every class, caste, ethnicity, and ‘race’. The fact that we are all children of God ought to influence our everyday lives, but so often we forget.

Some have said: “I can judge so-and-so, because he is always judging everybody else.” This is one of the most reprehensible things one can do. It recognises the sin inherent in another’s action, condemns it, but then goes on to adopt it. It is the ultimate in hypocrisy.

Refraining in judging our brothers and sisters, however, should not stop us from charitably judging their acts and behavior. Indeed, that is one of the responsibilities of friendship. We all see our friends go astray sometime. But do we judge them as bad people and abandon them to the error of their ways? Of course not! We talk to them, tell them what we think they’re doing wrong, and do our best to get them on the right track.

And so it must be not just within our small circle of friends, but with every soul we encounter throughout our entire lives. Do recognise the bad, sometimes evil, that they do. Do try to help them out. (We can always help anyone anywhere in the world by praying for them). But “judge not,” the scriptures warns us, “lest ye too be judged.”

SIR - I was surprised and saddened to find myself as a “dyed in the wool Tory” in your excellent newspaper (Social Report, Feb 11). I would like to point out that my political outlook is both extraordinarily complex and extremely subtle, with ideas and approaches drawn from across the political spectrum, and that it eludes pigeon-holing, that most repugnant of liberal habits.

I would also like to remind the Editor that, when the victorious armies of the Fife proletariat storm the Palace of Holyrood and fly the red banner from Edinburgh Castle, he and his nefarious neoconservative Rumsfeld-esque allies will be the first up against the wall and shot.

Aside from that, I must congratulate him on an otherwise excellent piece of society reporting, and hope that he will be attending the next club luncheon.

Mr. T.P. LeppardKensington Club

AKBC: Mr. Leppard will, I’m sure, be aggrieved to find out that the Fife proletariat will never make it to Edinburgh, as the St Andrews OTC (being the great counter-revolutionary institution that it is) has instructions to destroy all Forth crossings once the Revolution comes.

Your allegations of neoconservatism, however, are quite scandalous! If I must be pidgeon-holed, let it not be with such a ragged heathen band such as that lot! I am a Tory a la Burke and Kirk, thank you kindly!

SIR - As if the power of art needed proof! (Editorial, Feb 11). And in the form of Jack Vettriano. Well, as

ever I am left intrigued by your exceptional publication.

You are correct in stating that Vettriano is not acknowledged academically, but your reasoning for the reality is, I believe, incorrect. His work is outcast by the upper artistic echelons simply because it is lightweight, which in no way affirms the establishment’s “absurdity”. You are right to draw attention to beauty, but, as I am sure you are aware, TRUE beauty necessarily has a weight and depth of understanding and insight. Artistic vision is by its very nature elitist and I am surprised that the Mitre elects to attack it.

Long live the “self-perpetuating” elite of esteemed artists is what I say ... but maybe this is a trans-cultural thing. God forbid one gets ones wires crossed.

Miss Victoria TruettNorth Street

AKBC: As you are an art history student, I’m sure you know more of the topic than I. (And you’ve more than once called me a philistine!) The editorial was intended more as an attack on the arts establishment than a defense of Mr. Vettriano. I am sure you will agree with me that much of what passes for art these days is crap.

In terms of paintings, I prefer the school which it seems is taking up the name of ‘the New Realism’. There are quite a few talented creatures in this field I’m sure you will enjoy. A good resource for my fellow realaphiles can be found at www.newbohemia.net.

‘True Blue Tom’ RespondsL E T T E R S T O T H E E D I T O R

THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWS XI

Andrew K. B. CusackEditor-in-Chief

Opinions expressed are not necessarily that of the Mitre, or it’s proprietor. The Mitre reserves the right to edit for grammar, length, and content any and all letters to the editor for publication. This publication is in no way officially endorsed, funded by, or affiliated with the administration of the University of St Andrews. The Mitre is independent of any and all clubs, societies, and other organizations, though all of the above are free to make financial contributions. Andrew K. B. Cusack is the sole proprietor of this newspaper.

THE MITRE OF ST ANDREWSLetters to the Editor and Comments: MitreStA@yahoo.com

J.N. Roberts Sofie von HauchAssociate Editor Regular ContributorRobert O’Brien Alexandra JenningsAssociate Editor Debates & Assistant to the EditorLaura Wilson Phoebe StovesFashion Hunting, FashionNicholas Vincent Margaret HughesProperty Film and Theatre

houses were cut-price neo-Georgian affairs built by an aristocracy in decline, often as a replacement for demolished Victorian piles. In contrast, Viscount Rothermere, owner of the Daily Mail, has recently moved into his new £40 million country house, Ferne Park, on the Wiltshire/Dorset border in southern England. The estate, designed by the celebrated architect Quinlan Terry, is a large, classically proportioned house constructed from the finest materials. Another such project is underway in the Oxfordshire countryside. Wafik Said’s giant Palladian mansion at Tusmore Park will feature a portico the size of St George’s, Hanover Square, London.

New homes of the highest quality should continue to be built in our countryside, and any such moves to resist this should be met with the greatest possible objections. It is of the utmost importance that we allow such positive marks of our generation’s existence and impact on our landscape to become a reality. So far we have failed badly in many of our inner cities and suburbs. Let the countryside be the place our generation shines architecturally.

JASON

Vit

The country house is one of the glories of English civilisation. A unique combination of informal situation, formal gardens, and a central house with its furniture and art come together to create a thrilling fusion that has over the centuries shaped the landscape and our history. Alongside the English language itself, that subtle unity of the cultivated and the wild is also perhaps our greatest contribution to European culture. To the surprise of many observers, the country house has survived the challenges and changes of the Twentieth Century.

Indeed, the past few years have seen a remarkable revival in this tradition’s fortunes, thanks to a little-known planning law put in place during John Major’s premiership, effectively banning mediocrity in new construction.

Country houses are no longer being demolished, as at least 1,200 were during the last century. Instead, they are in strong demand. While every edition of Country Life has at lease one serious house each month advertised for impressive sums, many more change hands privately. The demand is such that houses once turned into prep schools and nursing homes have been returned to domestic use. But still more is needed.

For the first time since 1914, there is a growing call for new, architecturally ambitious country houses. Until recently, most new country

P R O P E R T Y

NICHOLAS

Vincent

The Allure of the Classical, Revived

W A T E R I N G H O L E S

Bye Bye Byre!The Byre Theatre was until recently the place to drink for Debaters and LGBTers, but no longer?

To all the loyal readers of the Mitre, this is a call to action, or rather, to inaction. As an apparent result of financial problems, the Byre Theatre, gown-filled haven of post-society drinking, has stopped taking its society discount cards. For the past few weeks, the Union Debating Society and the LGBT Society, sometimes indistinguishable, have been reduced to frequenting the Westport! While one realises that there are certain financial constraints, which even the purveyors of the demon drink must bend to, the lack of common courtesy over this matter has shocked and appalled me.

No letter was sent and no phone calls received. A simple refusal to accept the discount cards when they were presented was the first and only hint of trouble. Is the Byre in such dire straits that a second-class stamp and a sheet of A4 were beyond them? This being the case, perhaps denizens of the Economics department might enlighten them to the fiscal reality of losing at least fifty paying customers twice a week, at only 15% discount, compared with losing those hundred customers altogether, and for the sake of an apology or notification.

I say to you that we

are not only students but also consumers, and the undergraduate battle-cry of ‘One kidney down, one to go,’ followed by the postgraduate cry of ‘Ahhh, time for another transplant,’ demonstrates the commitment of the average St Andrean to supporting this vital industry. It would seem that the managers of the Byre do not take our efforts seriously, nor indeed our custom. I would ask all readers who still frequent that bar to examing your conscience and to stand with the Sophists and the Sodomites in our boycott of the Byre. In this time of industrial action, it is not only lecturers who can act. So to the Westport, Aikman’s, the Central, the Vic, and Broons, even to the Union, and to victory!

THE MITRE OF ST. ANDREWS

A recent newspaper headline from Canada informed me that my native land (according to the Economist, no less) is now officially cool. The pathetic gratitude at rating a mention in a Very Important Mag aside, it seems that Canada’s “progressive” legalisation of marijuana and same-sex unions is drawing notice and plaudits from liberals the world over. Cue the political right... ahem... I said...

Sadly, but typically, the Canadian right is too caught up in its own infighting to act on major issues. A little background, if you will. At the moment there are two right-wing parties in Canada: the older Progressive Conservatives, aka the Tories, the older party but with few seats in Parliament, and young upstart Canadian Alliance

with a strong Western support base, but no seats in the East (and as such not the “national alternative” it claims to be).

Since 1987 the parties have been seperate. Three elections, split votes, and consequent Liberal landslides later, efforts to merge the two parties intensified. At last, shortly before Christmas came the joyous news that the ideological soulmates were going to re-tie the knot.

So are Liberal days numbered? I’m not holding my breath. To begin with, many Tories were not pleased with the merger; several MPs have already resigned to sit as independents, and a few have even gone so far as to cross the floor to the

reigning Liberals.Sadly, hopes fell

further when the race for the leadership of the new party commenced. First, Bernard Lord, the premier of New Brunswick declined to run. The young and article Mr. Lord would certainly have been the natural for the job, and it’s a shame he chose not to go for it. Then the talented Chuck Strahl, an Alliance MP, declared he wasn’t running either; likewise Peter Mackay, last leader of the old Tories.

With potential candidates dropping like flies, the three people who ultimately entered the race did not improve my outlook any. To wit: there is Tony Clement, a former provincial health minister, Belinda Stronach, an unknown Ontario entrepreneur with no political experience, and

Stephen Harper, the dull-as-a-fencepost leader of the former Alliance party. A dazzling array of choice it is not. Depressingly, Harper is seen as the most viable candidate for the job. If he wins the vote on March 20, then the merger will be seen as nothing more than a name change for the Alliance. This will not help the party.

Ontario, with one third of all Parliamentary seats, is crucial ground for any prospective government. If the new Conservatives cannot make inroads there, all of their current efforts are in vain. For now, we can only dream of the day when the Liberals are defeated and the term ‘cool’ will only be applied to Canada in reference to Winnipeg in January.Katya Mouris is a bejantine

in the United College.

IMPERIAL AND COLONIAL REPORT

Cool Canada? Maybe Not...Cool Canada? Maybe Not...

NEWS FROM THE DOMINIONS, COLONIES, AND COMMONWEALTH

KATYA

Mouris