the vedette - april 2010

The

STUDENT VOICE OF THE CULVER ACADEMIES FOR OVER A CENTURY

“I may not agree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.” -Voltaire

Volume 113, Issue #5

Vedette

Awesome Article Contest

Poetry

Mission Trips

A Few ProposalsIn This Issue...

a n o t e f r o m y o u r

editors

Vol. 113 Issue #5

April 2010

s t a f f, A p r i l :Editors-in-Chief: Lindie Wang and Laura Frey-miller

Layout: Laura Freymiller,Cricket Gullickson, Claire Lee, Jake Kang, Alex Rodgers, Clancy Tripp, Lindie Wang

Editors: Sharon Chen, Deanna Dilts, Laura Freymiller, Sam Gao, Cricket Gullickson, Phoebe Hall, Jake Kang, Jessica Knox, Dani Krou, Laura Ma, Mary McKinnis, Venessa Morales, Elise Pare, Sihua Qiu, Alex Rodgers, Michelle Schlaubitz, Joy Shen, Erika Teahan, Clancy, Tripp, Lindie Wang

Writers: Alejandro Arroyo-Yamin, Andrea Canac-ci, Sharon Chen, Deanna Dilts, Alex Ding, Laura Freymiller, Sam Gao, Caitlin Juricic, Bridget Kinsey, Mary McKinnis, Michelle Molner, Alex Rodgers, C.J. Spaulding, Hannah Smith, Clancy Tripp

Photographers: Laura Freymiller, Ms. Fulton, Sam Gao, Jake Kang, Melissa Ma, Mary McKin-nis, Janet Sananixay, Hannah Smith

Cartoonists: Guanlin Chen, Sam Gao, Kacie Hermanson

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a b o u t u s : The Vedette is the student-run newspaper of the Culver Academies which seeks to provide a cam-puswide forum for discussion. The goal of The Vedette is to facilitate open and honest discussions between students, faculty, and administration, and to inform its readers of cam-pus, local, and world news. We are open to let-ters, ideas for articles, photos, cartoons, and other contributions; if you have contructive criticism, please contact us. Campus papers are only as good as their contributors and we know you have something to say. Opinions expressed in The Vedette do not re-flect the opinions of The Vedette staff, and their publication does not in any way imply an endorse-ment of these opinions by this magazine.

the VedetteDear Culver Campus, We are happy to announce that the Vedette will be hosting its first ever Awesome Article Competition! Throughout the remainder of April and until May 15, students, faculty, and staff are encouraged to send in their best articles to [email protected] or [email protected] titled “Awesome Article Submis-sion”. Articles can include: reflections on the year 2009, factual articles regarding news that interests you, comparisons between events at Culver with those from the outside world, and creative works (poems, short stories, etc.).

If your article is pronounced to be the “Awesome Article” you will receive a gift certificate to the Culver Coffee Company! (First runner-up will also win a prize.) However, beyond the simple monetary value of a gift certificate, the winner will gain bragging rights and see their name in print. It’s a win-win situation.

Send in your Awesome Articles today!

Sincerely,

Lindie and Laura

P.S. A section of this issue is comprised solely of hu-morous writing. When you come to this section do not

be surprised if you suddenly find yourself laughing uncontrollably. You have been warned…

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Bok! One of the first words we learned in Croatia. It’s the equivalent of “ciao,” (so a casual hello or goodbye). This year, Culver returned to the beautiful country that is so seldom heard about: Croatia. Most of us chose the Croatia mission trip because we knew nothing about the country, or because we would have never visited the country otherwise. That being said, Croatia is indeed the forgotten lost middle child of Europe. Comprised of twelve students and three chaperones, the Croatian team spent two weeks travelling along the coast of Croatia eating countless scoops of gelato, conversing with countless Croatian stu-dents, and dropping countless drops of sweat in manual labor. Unlike many of the mission trips which are focused on one specific goal, the Croatian mission trip had a nice bal-ance between service and sightseeing. The trip contained a little bit of everything. We began with hardcore touring (which we continued throughout the trip with less intensity). Then we focused on the manual work: landscaping at an elementary school and transforming a swamp into a nature reserve. Next, we tackled emotional work: playing and interacting with mentally/physically disabled children at two dif-ferent locations. We ended with a little sightseeing and a lot of free time to roam Croatia’s capital: Zagreb. My most memorable experience was playing with a disabled kid and know-ing that I’d made his day. While we were painting, the boy I was with kept painting on his own face. I even had a few paint marks on my face. The afternoon was filled with smiles. We threw rocks into the sea by the lake. We played ball and blew bubbles. We even played music together. By the end of the afternoon, I’d grown quite attached to the kid. Looking back now, I realized how much we did in such a short amount of time. A small close knit group can ac-complish so much and influence so many

Croatia “Bok”!

people. It seems like we were always working at a site or traveling to our next destination. Each day was filled with ven-turing through new places, helping others, enjoying delicious 4-5 course meals, and meeting new people. Days ended in exhaustion, but though it was a tiring experience, it gave us all a great sense of accomplishment. In such a short amount of time we travelled such a long distance, leaving our mark all along the coast of Croatia.

While in Croatia I learned some fun things:1. I sat there watching a few shows and flipping through channels... Wait a minute… All the TV shows are in Ger-man, not Croatian. 2. Gelato is delicious and you can find a shop in almost any town. 3. Even the youngest students from elementary schools can speak English well.4. If the world were reduced proportionally to 100 people, 57 of them would be Asian. 5. If you are a minority, be prepared for triple glances, pointing, laughing and even in rare cases: someone running up to

you, taking a picture, saying thanks, and walking away. (Yes it happened).6. Croatia’s main source of income is tourism. Most of the students grow up and study tourism, hotel management, cuisine, etc.7. After recycling bottles for two weeks, I now find it very hard to throw bottles in the trash.8. Octopus on pizza and salad is quite tasty.9. Never work with cement with your bare hands. The skin on your hands will peel off for the next few days. It’s not painful or itchy, just extremely aggravat-ing. Think about dry cracked skin rubbing against cotton…10. Croatian students find you extremely fascinating even though you’re just average kids like them. Mr. Milbury’s most memorable experience was, “Our students receiving rock star treatment at the Opatija elementary school.” Before we even entered the school, people were taking pictures of us. Flash, flash, flash. It was a very… warm welcome. All of us felt like celebrities with paparazzi chasing after us and little kids trying to add us on Facebook!

-Sam Gao ‘11

M I S S I O N T R I P S

Ireland: Where You Can Experience All Five Seasons in One Day

It started out in a bustling air port in Chicago and ended in the same place two weeks later, but with significant changes to all members of the team. The trip chal-lenged our ideas about conflict, peace, co-operation, and “cold”. We bonded over the mountains of bread, heaps of potatoes, and endless mugs of Coca-Cola, wonderful Coca-Cola. In Ireland they have a saying: “If a man goes into that water--”, no wait wrong one. “Ze Germans--” wait wrong again. Let me try one last time, in Ireland they have a saying: “Top o’ the morning to ye”, and we all really took this to heart. Our first few days in Ireland, we trav-elled to Northern Ireland, the heart of “the Troubles”. The Troubles are and were a time of conflict between Protestant royal-ists and Catholic nationalists in Northern Ireland. Hostility rose through the denial of Catholic rights and the usage of para-military groups by both sides. Conflict resolutions sites, such as Corrymeela in Ballycastle, are attempting to mediate between the two sides, and it was in Cor-rymeela that we spent several days doing team building exercises and enjoying the delicious biscuits.

After bidding a fond farewell to Ethan, Elizabeth, and the many other wonderful volunteers we headed out for some sight-seeing with our gregarious and loveable tour guide, Joe. (Especially loveable to certain members of our group who will attempted and perhaps succeeded in get-ting his cell phone number). We visited Giant’s Causeway (a natural land forma-tion caused either by cooling lava or rival giants… take your pick) before heading down to Derry to begin our work projects. In Derry we widened paths, collected litter, planted trees, and shoveled about two tons of gravel in an effort to build a garden. Each night after our work was done we spent time at a local youth center getting to know local youths (surprise surprise). It was interesting to find out just how much we had in common, namely Justin Beiber. In Derry we also learned a great deal about the Bloody Sunday Massacre when twenty-eight protesters were killed. We visited the Free Derry People’s Museum which had documentation about the incident ranging from pictures and letters to rubber bullets and a video recording.

Needless to say it was a thought-provok-ing experience. After leaving Derry we visited the towns of Sligo and Galway, and spent a day at the Aran Islands. A word about the Aran Islands, cold. We spent time reflect-ing, sight-seeing, shopping, talking, and enjoying. Ireland is a truly beautiful place. And there are leprechauns, very large leprechauns. For the final three days we headed back to Dublin where we took a walk-ing tour and stopped by the Kilmainheim Gaol. This jail held many political prison-ers from the time of Ireland’s revolution and independence. It was startling to see some of the jail cells and the courtyard where executions had taken place. Dublin also had a rich history of writers, poets, and artists which we learned about in great detail. Very great detail. Finally it was time to head home. We packed our bags, did our count down for the last time, and headed out to the airport. After a few passport scares (miss-ing passports--one the day before and

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When our plane first landed in South Africa, my eyes were looking straight into a completely unfamiliar place. The thought that repeatedly entered my mind was, “I can’t believe I’m actually in South Africa.” I was expecting to feel like I had

“Despite the countless challenges they’re faced with daily, they’re still by far some of the most enthusiastic, congenial,

happy people I have ever met.”-Mary McKinnis


SBM’10: South Africa Team

(Continued from previous page)one the morning of!) we made it onto the plane with our luggage and some remaining semblances of sanity. Then we were back in the states. Iif you have more questions visit our blog found on the Culver website or ask anyone who went on the trip: Dean Rasch, Ms. Girard, Mr.

Waller, Maddie Balchan, Brandon Beaver, Hannah Bouline, Abi Conkle Patrick Carr, Guiseppe Fournier, Maddie Danesi, Mitch Hoback, Bryan Jung, Eddie Kim, Ji Hu Kim, Moira Kelley, Troy McClos-key, Jackie McCloskey (they’re related!), Mitch Murphy, Chriss McConnell, Ed-mund O’Connor, Stephanie Pfeifer, Kley

Reynolds, Allison Rudolph, Colleen Ryan, Michelle Tanke-Juska, Blake Taylor, Hong Bo Ye, Sarah Warmbein, Michael Wortell, Wilson Wu, and other assorted no-gooders. (Thank you all for the unfor-gettable trip!)

-Laura Freymiler’11

When our plane first landed in South Africa, my eyes beheld a completely un-familiar place. The thought that repeat-edly entered my mind was, “I can’t be-lieve I’m actually in South Africa.” I had expected something like The Lion King, where we would start singing, “The Cir-cle of Life.” Instead, I was overwhelmed by the most beautiful scenery in the world. I realized right then that watching The Lion King definitely didn’t compare. I gaped at the towering mountains of Capetown and the scattered houses and buildings overlooking the calm, vibrant blue ocean. As I was dragging my suit-case towards the bus, I glanced back at all the people on the trip few of whom I knew. At the time, I felt a little uncom-fortable, but later I would become close with not only the people in South Africa, but also all of the people in our group. Our first morning in South Africa, we had plenty of free time, which was not an often repeated experience. Most of us enjoyed our first of many delicious breakfasts and shopped in the markets directly outside of our hotel. The people in the market were extremely person-able and kind. They were eager to tell us anything about South Africa and show off each and every item they were sell-ing. After our free time, we had our first team lunch, which included mostly talk-

ing, of course, eating, but more important-ly laughter. Unfortunately, later that day, our plans to take a ferry to Robin Island were ruined, due to the fact that the travel agency booked our tickets for the wrong day. Fortunately, we were blessed to have an amazing tour guide named Charl. We drove through Capetown and stopped up on a mountain. We had a view of the ocean and the World Cup stadium. We also spent time playing in the ocean. By the time I walked back towards the bus, I was com-pletely soaked from the gigantic crashing waves that rapidly rushed into shore. My clothing was filled with sand because the harsh wind practically threw sand at us. That night, we prepared for our next cou-ple days at Christel House. I wasn’t sure of what the students there would be like and how I was going to lead a large group of them in workshops. Personally, the four days we spent at Christel House were the most powerful, insightful, enjoyable days I had while in South Africa. We worked with students our age, bringing the leadership skills we had gained from Culver to Christel House. There were three different groups, includ-ing team building, communication, and strengths. I was in team building and we did various activities, like the human knot. After each activity we would discuss who acted as a leader, how the situation applied

to the real world, and what was effective or ineffective in our activity. The students at Christel House live in poverty and come from rough back-grounds. Our second day, we took a tourand witnessed where they came from firsthand. I was overwhelmed with the en-vironment these kids were living in. The majority of the houses were no larger than a dorm room at Culver. The townships weren’t safe at night due to the horrible conflicts with gangs and drugs in most of the areas. Despite the countless challenges they’re faced with daily, they’re still by far some of the most enthusiastic, conge-nial, happy people I have ever met. I was constantly greeted by hugs, smiles, and an eagerness to know everything about Amer-ica. After our workshops, we watched and participated in sports, such as fencing, vol-leyball, and soccer. An instant smile spread on my face when I saw all the kids on my team dancing and cheering as loudly and energetically as possible. Our last day at Christel House was filled with hugs, gratitude, and tearful goodbyes. Each student received a leadership certifi-cate and several of us gave out our culver t-shirts. We enjoyed a performance from their junior and senior jazz band. In return we sang, “Lean on Me”, and danced, the J’ai Ho dance. The hardest task for many

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of us on the trip was simply walking to the bus. Each step became even more dif-ficult because we knew we would be leav-ing behind our new friendships. The colors of our backgrounds are diverse, but they complement one another. Our last two days in Capetown, we took a boat ride to Robin Island and toured the Cape peninsula. In Robin Island, we learned about the political prisoners kept there during the apartheid, including Nel-son Mandela, who had lived in there for eighteen years. Family visits were rare and the letters were censored. The living con-ditions in the prison were unimaginable. What was most astonishing to me is that, after going through all this suffering, Man-dela was able to forgive those who were inhumanly violent during the apartheid. He brought about peace in South Africa in the most creative way any leader has pro-moted peace. He established The Truth and Reconciliation Act, which eased the ten-sion between the victims and the torturers. The simple act of forgiveness, eliminated not only the immense guilt of the torturers, but eliminated the anger of the victims. On the other hand, the tour of the Cape peninsula, the southernmost peninsula, was absolutely gorgeous. We saw about twenty-five penguins by the shore. We climbed for what seemed like hours up to a lighthouse. By the time I reached the top, I was completely out of breath. The view was worth the long walk, the calm spar-kling ocean and rocky green cliffs imme-

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diately captured my gaze. The actual Cape of Good Hope was stunning. I carefully stepped across the rocky ground and stood on a rock out in the ocean. I dipped my feet in the cool refreshing water. I could have stood on the one rock for hours, as the warm sun beat down on me and the gentle breeze played with my hair. The next day we flew to Johannesburg, which is north of Capetown. While in Jo-hannesburg, we shopped at a huge African market, visited the Apartheid Museum, learned about the Soweto uprising, went on a safari, and visited an elephant sanctu-ary. The safari and the elephant sanctuary were my two favorite activities in Johan-nesburg. During our afternoon/evening safari, we saw elephants, two lions, herds of zebra, several deer-like animals, and hippos slyly peeking above the water. Our second safari was at sunrise. We saw two

female lions with their cubs, giraffes right next to our jeep, more zebra, rhinos, wilde-beests, and hippos. The elephant sanctuary was incred-ible. First, we fed the elephants by drop-ping the food into their trunks. Apparently elephants become angry when you don’t feed them for a while. I found this out the hard way; when I wasn’t paying attention, one of the five elephants whacked me in the stomach. Later we had a chance to pet the elephants. Their skin felt bristly and leathery. Several of us were kissed by the elephants (in other words they sucked on our cheek with their trunk until our entire cheek was covered in wet mud). We also led the elephants in a circle by holding onto their trunk. Despite the fact thatit was pouring down rain, we all still rode the ele-phants. I had a difficult time balancing be-cause their body dramatically moves from one side to the other. We had a man sitting in front of us controlling the elephant, so I felt safe. Riding an elephant was the perfect end-ing to our adventure in South Africa. I was dreading boarding the plane the next day. Every aspect we were privileged to en-counter on our trip was significant for one reason or another. The history of South Africa was intriguing and incredible. The people were happy and had no need for material things to fill that happiness. Spending time with our group and becom-ing close friends with the people I barely knew before was exciting. I was lucky to share the experience with these people.

-Mary McKinnis ‘13

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After a consistent three year span of going to Mexico on the mission trip throughout my Culver career, it’s hard to find the words that completely describe the trip as a whole. Going to an outwardly frightening area is hard to come to terms with; knowing that you are going to have to build a home with people who barely speak English, while you barely speak Spanish complicates things. In addition to this, you are being thrown in with people from your school that you may not know or talk to, and now you must be able to work with them as efficiently as possible. Over the course of just one and a half weeks, our mindsets were altered dramati-cally. After meeting with the families who would be receiving homes, it was clear to see that everyone on the trip had the mindset of a team; these houses had to be built. Cement was mixed, bricks were laid, roofs were roofed, and floors were floored. It was amazing to see what was once a hole in the ground, finally become a foundation of a home. What was once an empty space became a doorway, which families and friends would pass through every day. Although the work was hard and ardu-ous, and there were not that many breaks

Mexico Trip


in between, it was a rewarding trip in its own unique way. I learned how to floor a home, cut rebar, saw, and many other tasks which will help make me a success-ful carpenter if I ever chose to build my own home one day. What I gained from a trip cannot be sufficiently summed up in brief overview of a two week time period. I expected to change others when I went onto the trip, knowing I would be a part of a group that built a home they would have forever, but luckily this wasn’t the

outcome. What really happened was the trip changed me. I befriended workers and families who I had no awareness of prior to this trip. I learned that the it’s not the big things that make the difference, but the little ones that impact you the most. More importantly, I learned that with just a simple helping hand, one person can in fact impact a life. And that’s something I’ll carry with me the rest of my life.

China Mission Trip At first I was hesitant to go on a mis-sion trip halfway across the world. I had no idea what China was going to be like. I had done my homework but this expe-rience was something I had not prepared for. What was it like? Were the people nice? Do they even speak English? What happens if I offend their culture with my American habits? Or even worse, what if I forget to pack underwear? I was still sec-ond guessing my decision to go to China when I woke up at 5 A.M to leave Culver. And so began the two hour drive to the air-port where we would depart on a twelve hour flight just to be driven to the Shang-hai Foreign Language School, an hour away. Along with the motion-sickness I was feeling from three different modes of

transportation, an unfamiliar nervousness settled in my stomach. Fifteen hours with hormone-crazed boys and girls clearly lacking their daily makeup, I couldn’t be happier to officially begin my China ad-venture. While in Shanghai we got to see the World Finance Center, go to antique mar-kets, and probably the most fun of the trip, meet the students of the Shanghai Foreign Language School. It was so different to hear their stories and to find out that they were just as curious about our culture and everyday lives as we were about theirs. The second week of our trip we traveled to Hangzhou and Beijing where we hiked the Great Wall, shopped at the silk market, and went to the most beautiful temples and

gardens I have ever seen in my life. Towards the end of my trip I realized how ridiculous I had been to worry. Every-one on the trip grew so close each day that we traveled. Most of the other students I had never seen before on campus, and yet all of us got along so well together. As a group I think we learned a lot. I know the favorite phrase of the trip was xie xie (thank you). We came back to Culver with a new experience and a totally dif-ferent view on China and its culture. We left behind many new friends, but gained new skills and knowledge that will last us a lifetime. It was an experience and an op-portunity that I would love to take part in again.

- Caitlin Juricic ‘10

-Bridget Kinsey’12-Mary McKinnis ‘13


Vol. 113 Issue #58

Mission Trips 2010

Above: Ireland Mission Trip at Ulster Transport Museum

Above: Ms. Wheeler on the South Africa Mission Trip Right: Croatia Mission Trip in action

Below: Mexico Mission Trip

Left: China Mission Trip group photo

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2010

Travel

10 Vol. 113 Issue #5

BECAUSE THERE’S A WORLD BEYOND ACADEMY ROAD It is the time after Spring Break when birds are chirping, people have changed skin color from wintery-pale to sun kissed bronze, and when seniors start counting down every single day until graduation. But there are others in our community saying goodbye to a cherished year and others anticipating adventures abroad for next year with School Year Abroad (SYA). We often forget about the missing members of our communities who have

I watch the Roman landscape pass by me out the dirty train window and realize that I have two months left in the Eternal City. These past seven months in Italy have been a whirlwind of traveling, hard work, and amazing food. I watched the sun rise over the Mediterranean in Gaeta, visited Torino and Parma (the birthplace of Parmasean cheese), saw Dante’s tomb in Florence, and picked Tuscan sunflowers. I ate Sicilian oranges and canoli, saw the ancient city of Carthage in Africa, haggled for the first time in a Tunisian market, and climbed the hills of Cinque Terre. I shopped in Milan, saw the mosaics of Raven-na, ate a panino in Bologna, danced to open-air music in the streets of Napoli, and rode a gondola in Venice.

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taken their junior year to study abroad. Being an SYA alumna (Italy, ‘09) I know the feeling of saying goodbye to a beloved country and of being welcomed back to Culver. So take time to remember our students abroad and wish luck to those start-ing their own adventures next year!

- Alexandria Rodgers ‘10

However, Rome will always be the most important city in my heart. The ancient crumbling ruins are still magnifi-cent, the graffiti-covered walls have stark character. But I believe that the most beautiful part of Rome is the people; soccer-loving, pasta-obsessed, and old fashioned, they are as gritty and authentic as the city itself. They are also the reason that my time in Italy has been so memorable. And as I head back to Viterbo, I realize that the sun is setting on my time here; I’m traveling homewards much too quickly. So I savor the last lick of gelato, listen to the musical lan-guage that surrounds me, and throw my coin into the Trevi Fountain wishing to return one day.

Sunset on the Eternal City

-Madeleine Loney ‘11

Roman Coloring Page

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The 2010 winter Olympics proved suc-cessful for the United States, coming in first in the medal count with thirty-sev-en. However, the U.S. was not the only country setting records in Vancouver. In the style of Mr. Buxton; the top ten most memorable moments of the 2010 Olym-pics:10.) The Lethal Luge- Twenty-one year old Nodar Kumaritashvili of the Republic of Georgia died while on a practice run February 12th. Nodar was nearing the end of the course and traveling at approx-imately 90 mph when he was thrown over

Tattoo: A Journey

April 10, 2010. 8:00 AM. Sixty-eight grumbling students and fifteen stressed adults begin to load the two buses and U-Haul van for the long three hour drive to the northwest side of Chicago. Most just fall back asleep on the bus, but the few who know what the day will hold stay awake with anticipation. The CMA Band, the Culver Pipes and Drum Corps, and the CGA Drill Team were invited to perform for the 4th Annual Heart-land International Tattoo at the Sears Cen-tre in Hoffman Estates, IL. This was the second year in a row for the Culver Pipes and Drum Corps and the CGA Drill Team to perform at the festival. April 10, 2010. 3:00 PM. Sixty-eight ant-sy students and fifteen anxious adults have practiced and are continuing to practice for that night’s performance. Perfection is key—steps must be together, play the right notes, and never drop the rifles. It’s crunch time…or just about. So I bet you’re wondering what a military tattoo is. The tradition of a tattoo started in the 16th and 17th centuries when musicians

were vital to relaying orders during battle. In the evening, the Taptoo consisted of the military band marching through a garrison town to alert the taverns and inns that it was curfew for the soldiers, the beer taps should be turned off, and the soldiers should return to their barracks. But by the 18th century, the Taptoo was losing its original meaning and instead became a signal for lights out and, with the rise of the Military Band of Music, for entertainment. April 10, 2010. 7:00 PM. Sixty-eight fairly calm students and fifteen excited adults watch as Act I starts. Thousands of people are sitting around the arena and the pressure hasn’t quite set in yet. Everyone is ready—uniforms on and looking sharp, instruments in tune and ready to be played, and rifles oiled and straps tightened. The Heartland International Tattoo is an exhibition of military and civilian march-ing bands, bagpipe bands, highland danc-ers, and much more. Performers come from many different countries, such as Holland, to create an unforgettable experience, and Culver has had the wonderful opportunity to be a part of that experience. April 10, 2010. 11:00 PM. Sixty-eight exhausted (yet happy) students and fifteen proud adults, after having the performance of a lifetime, pack everything back into

the side of the track and collided with beams that held both a canopy and lights. There is much speculation as to what or whom is to blame for his death; either a personal mistake, or that of the track. His death was greatly mourned by the luge community, who had a moment of silence before the first heat of the competition in his honor.9.) Epic Eight- In 2002, 2006, and 2010 Apolo Ohno won two gold, two silver and four bronze medals making him the most decorated winter Olympian. This Ameri-can speed skater won the bronze medal in both the 5000m relay and the 1000 m, and the silver in the 1500m in the Vancouver Olympics. Ohno speaks of his Olympic experience to NBC, "I just feel like I've been eating dessert the whole time…any-

thing more for me just makes this whole experience even sweeter." 8.) Havoc on the Halfpipe-Shaun White wins gold a second time in the men’s half pipe. The half pipe is scored by five judges and two qualifying runs which de-termine the top twelve athletes who will then compete in the finals. The medalists are then determined through two final runs. Despite having won the gold with a score of 46.8 out of 50 on the first run, Shaun finished up his second run with a Double McTwist 1260, gaining a score of 48.4. When questioned about the po-tential dangers of such a stunt, Shaun re-plied, “I do it for the love of the sport.” 7.) Gracious Gold- Skating for the Unit-ed States, Evan Lysacek upsets Russian

2010 Olympics

-CJ Spaulding ‘10

the buses and the U-Haul van, prepared to come back to school. The show couldn’t have gone any better. As the buses pull out of the parking lot, almost everyone is al-ready asleep, exhausted from the long day. The 2010 Heartland International Tattoo consisted of performances from a men’s choir, a brass band, a world champion step dancer, a circus group, a soul step team, a whistling champion, numerous bagpipe bands, and even a drum line that met and began playing together in a bowling alley. April 11, 2010. 3:30 AM. Sixty-eight half-awake students and fifteen tired adults finally arrive back to campus. After un-loading the U-Haul van, taking everything into the M &A, and making sure everything is off the buses, everyone slowly makes it back to their dorms and barracks to crawl into bed for a few hours of sleep.


A p r i l 2 0 1 0 (Olympics continued from previous page)

Evgeni Plushenko and wins the gold in men’s figure skating. Plushenko, having won the gold medal in the 2006 winter games, did not respond well to his second place finish. In his opinion, the fact that he successfully performed a quadruple jump while Lysacek did not, earned him the gold. “You can't be considered a true men's champion without a quad," Plush-enko told Russian state television. "For someone to stand on top of the podium with the gold medal around his neck by just doing triple jumps, to me it's not progress; it's a regress.” Despite these at-tacks, Lysacek remained calm and is on record stating, "Nobody likes to lose…Plushenko is a great guy, a great skater. I've admired him for years. I thought he did an outstanding job . . . For him to dis-credit the field, though, that's not right. I guess I was a little disappointed that someone who is my role model would take a hit at me in what is probably one of the most special moments of my life." 6.) Bittersweet Bronze- Canadian Joan-nie Rochette won a bronze medal in wom-en’s figure skating despite the unexpected death of her mother just days before. “Toughness is what mom taught me” she told NBC, “she would have wanted me

After a long long long long long white winter, the spring has finally arrived and with it the beginning of Track and Field. Run-ners, jumpers, hurdlers, vaulters, and throwers have successfully managed to survive the cold and finally are able to train, prac-tice, and get ready to do their best in Culver’s 2010 Track and Field outdoor season. Before Spring Break we had a couple of indoor meets which went very well considering that this year a lot of newcomers arrived to the team and several more winter athletes were just transitioning from their sport to track. Spring Break came as fast as Usain Bolt and we left for a two week vacation that in coaches’ terms is nothing less than a critical period that would determine the performance of the athlete in the outdoor season. Those who trained over break can enthusiastically tell you how the very first outdoor meet went, those who didn’t...well they might avoid discussing. The point is that either way, our first meet held at home on April 10th was successful to some and a wake-up call for others.

Tracking Track’s Triumphs

to skate.” During her short program she scored a personal best of 71.36 and then went on to win the bronze medal.5.) Irksome Injuries- Lindsey Vonn overcame a series of injuries to win the gold medal for the United States in ladies downhill. She has become the face of downhill skiing, and has even appeared in Sports Illustrated swim-suit edition. Vonn was a favorite to win three gold medals; however, with a fall in both the super combined (an event which consists of one run of downhill and two runs of slalom) and the giant slalom, that expectation was lost. As a result, she suffered both a bro-ken finger and a sore shin but still man-aged to win the gold in downhill as well as a bronze in the super giant slalom. 4.) Chinese Achievement- Wang Meng won four gold medals in women’s speed skating, dominating the sport at the Van-couver games. The twenty-four year old won gold in the 1000m, the 3000m relay, the 1500m, and the 500m. Controversy surrounds the 3000m, which they won with a world record time of four minutes and 6.61 seconds. China finished second behind South Korea who was disqualified because of blocking during the sixth lap. South Korea refuses to admit their mis-take. These four medals won Wang the

Despite the strong competition and an even stronger wind, CGA won the 4x800m, the distance medley, the individual 1500m run with Waverly Neer ’11, and the triple jump with an outstanding performance by Jasmine Solola ‘12. Jasmine placed third best in CGA history in this event. Not least is the contribution of the 4x200m and the 800 sprint medley teams who finished second. Kenzie Ungar ’11 also placed second in the high jump. Likewise, CMA had a very positive day. The guys managed to place second in the distance medley and still break the school record by 15 seconds. Members of the medley team were Trace Ostergren ’10, Marcus Shannon ’11, Ramsey Bradke ’10, and Alejandro Arroyo Yamin’10 who ended up winning the 1500m run as well. Other remarkable contributions were the 4x400m and the 4x800m teams. This meet officially kicked off the outdoor Track & Field season, a season that promises constant improvement of times, distances, and heights.

-Deanna Dilts ‘11

title of most successful Chinese winter Olympian. 3.) Canadian’s Consecutive Conquest-The Canadian women’s hockey team beats the U.S. to win their third consecu-tive gold medal. Marie-Philip Poulin scored twice in the first period, the games only goals. Goaltender Shannon Szabados is commemorated for her performance as well making 28 saves in the final game. U.S. coach Mark Johnson says of Szaba-dos, “[She] played well. She didn't give us many second opportunities. She came in with the pressure of a nation on her and she never cracked." 2.) United Upset- The United States men’s hockey team beats Canada with a score of 5-3. Brian Rafalski scored two goals, Chris Drury, Jamie Langenbrun-ner and Ryan Kesler each contributed one. Goalkeeper Ryan Miller is also com-mended for an outstanding game.1.) Crosby’s Canadian Contribution- Heartthrob Sidney Crosby scored in over-time to bring the score to 3-2. The Cana-dian men’s hockey team is the first host nation to win men’s hockey gold in thirty years.

S P O R T S

-Alejandro Arroyo-Yamin ‘10


A p r i l 2 0 1 0Poetry My home is mostly dark and wetAnd many strange things have I metSome are sweet and some are sourThey keep me busy by the hour

Every so often we get squeaky cleanBy some long bristly, vibrating machineAfter the massage, it’s not so much funThere are odd strings and hot liquids, Until it’s finally all done!

My neighbors seem to be leavingMost of them are already goneTheir replacements are big and strongMy replacement I am fearing

One day I awoke to a swollen, throb-bing groundI panicked at my landlord’s stressful moaning soundsThe doors opened wide and I saw metal invadersThey prodded and poked like mali-cious dictators

Then all of a sudden I was flying as free as a birdIt seemed as though my cries had all gone unheardFor my landlord who thought I was only benignGoodbye and good night from your baby canine

Baby Canine

Michael Muldoon ‘12

Poetry Jam 2010 On April 9, 2010 at approximately 7:30 PM, the Culver Academies hosted its annual Poetry Jam with special guest slam-poet Tayler Mali. This is a return visit from Mali who was also here in 2008 (and will be returning in 2012!). Not only did Mali himself perform but he also opened the stage to many members of the student body. From freshman to seniors, return performers and novices, and with several special appearances from esteemed faculty memebers, the night hosted a wide range of poetry. The level of respect, diversity, and enthusiasm was astonishing and awe-inspiring. At the end of the night each person, audience member or perform-er, left the auditorium knowing a little more about themself and the world around them. We are publishing a sampling of the performers’ poems in this issue for you to enjoy. Thanks to everyone who attended this event! We look forward to seeing everyone at Poetry Jam 2011 as well!

Laura Freymiller ‘11

Winter is the beginning of the end of a wonderful year. Winter is not a time of sorrow, but it is the time to celebrate and reminisce on the adventurous days we’ve had over the past few months. Winter exists only because of us. We always worry about insignificant things during the summertime and the springtime. And the only way we could get away from all of our anxiety is by spending time in the snow, enjoying the pleasures of nature and forgetting

about all the big worries in our life.

Don’t you ever wonder why every bit of snow that falls is almost the same as another bit of snow? Each and every one of us is different, but somehow we are all the same. We are constantly trying to make ourselves better people every year, and the only time we are able to do that is during winter because

we “grow out” of the old year and get ready for a new one.

Franklyn Ndubuisi-Obi ‘13

Winter

Taylor Mali, live at Eppley Auditorium


A p r i l 2 0 1 0

The first item on my list of things that reminds me of you is that We are different in so many ways.We have different styles.We come from different places.We are unique, that makes us who we are.But when we are together none of that matter!We are just ourselves and we are not afraid to be who we are.

Also, on this list of things that reminds me of you are these:An alto saxophone, A favorite candy bar,And our bucket list that we created together.One thing out of the ordinary is an adorable mas-cot fighting for us both. That isn’t one, it was just for fun.

P O E T R Y

Welcome to Poetry

Inside my heart there are many things lurking around.You might think “oh wow” something original, but I am taking it to the next level. I see a girl who doesn’t know where is up or down,A true love waiting to happen,She is on the brink of insanity.She only has her saxophone that she can trust. So I beg of you to come and help her out of her misery,And into a thing called life.She needs help and For something great to happen.What are you waiting for?Wait!! There is a new twist!

She’s back to normal,True love has come,She knows where she is going,And this poem is done!

Poetry might be hard for some and easy for oth-ers but I think that it is the best way to express you.

Dani Krou ‘13

I do not want to be the ideal womanI will not worship the God who is called a man For God is a woman and she is even more powerfulI will not give myself to a man who de-mands of meI am not here to be used or controlled by menI am independent and I will make my own choicesWhether my father likes it or not

I will not keep my lips sealedAnd my father cannot seal themBecause I have a voice and I want to use it

I am more than just an objectFor I am a queen without a kingNo, I am a Goddess and I have power

No man will be like my father and tell me what I am or what I need to look likeFor I will turn them to stone with my eyes like MedusaIf only their eyes were up instead of down

What I am is what my father hatesI am not my father’s expectationsFor this is my life and I am a womanThis is me

I Am Not My Father’s Expec-

tations

Maddie Slykas ‘12

Dani Krou performing her original

piece (printed at right)


P O E T R Y A p r i l 2 0 1 0

May I talk about your eyes?Like a stormy Irish day, rolling clouds of grey and blue holding back the

infinite storm of your mind,Like the vast trenches of the ocean; were I to swim for hours in the chal-

lenger deep of your thought,Contemplative with that foreboding presence all contained into your eyes... Sorry I talk too much when nervous, I mean if I could tell you everything

The songs I’d sing, gifts I’d bring, how for you I’d do anythingFor everything you are falls from the sky like a star

And yeah I know John Rzeznik said that firstBut when someone else’s words fit better than my own, I’ll use them

May I talk about your hair,How I have seen the amber waves running down your back,

The golden brilliance crashing like Niagara Upon the cold river of the St Lawrence

In all its simplicity, it is beautiful.I apologize if I seem unsure

Of what to say, I’m sure that you’reAlright and I’m uptight about my plight, trying to make right what’s in my

sight, you knowThis one, beautiful girl

Oh, I could never push you down, never could push you awayAnd I know John Rzeznik said that first

But I want to tell you anything and for you to be alright with it, I guess you’d be ok with it

May I mentioned the sound of your voice?Given a choice I’d take your song as long as you would let me,

Streaming, flowing, calming tides of aural ecstasy enveloping meCovering me in a resonant sea of sound,

Signaling my feeble mind to slacken, and melt like ice into the vast reaches of an Arctic thaw

I guess, what I want to say isLet me love you

For you’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be and I don’t wanna lose youAnd yeah I know John Rzeznik said that first

But I feel it, mean it, want it, dream it,So let me love you, let me open my dam of apprehension and flow over all

that you areBorn two weeks late and I’ve never been on time since

Seldom a swing but always a missOpting for punches but wanting a kiss,

Because coming down the year turns overAnd angels fall without you there

And I know John Rzeznik said that first

I Know John Rzeznik Said that First

(Continued on next Page)

Albert Maiocco, performing his piece (printed at left)

Dr. Davies reading about his “Romeo”

Lucy Battersby implores you to speak with conviction


But do You know what its like to go to bedAnd to toss awake with demons in your head

Cuz your too much a coward you’ve always said,Admonished yourself but it won’t end?

I haveSo let me love you, for maybe through your strength I can love myself

Always internal, always containedAn island away from pleasure and pain

When tortoise did race gainst ego of hareWho partied and mingled with everyone where

Tortoise alone the race would not have won But what use is success unless shared with someone?

So, selfless Venus, this prayer unto you I speakLet me love you, for through your love I may know not fear, nor anger, nor

hateI know that somethin’ bad has gotta change

And yeah I know John Rzeznik said that firstBut they are the seeds for a field of love,

Let it grow and from you spring true a fountain of love to all of man kindMay you be my lens of passion,

Concentrate my entire being into a shaft of light,Point me to the endless expanse of time

Only to find you waiting for me at the other endLet me love you,

So all that I dream of can be with youOh, babe, put your arms around me

For what you feel is what you are and what you are is beautifulAnd yeah I know John Rzeznik said that first too

A p r i l 2 0 1 0P O E T R Y

(John Rzeznik. Continued from previous page)

Short skirtLong jacket

Like in that one songBy that one band

You know the one…But this was worn by an outcast

Unloved, hated, and hitHit on

Hit withHit by

Unknown people…In the night,

On the cornerIn a bar

Albert Maiocco ‘10

Or an alley, leftBroken… but

She’s already brokeSo who cares?

She’s worth lessThan the amount of clothing that she

wearsWhich isn’t much…

It isn’t needed in her professionBut no church would let her in for confes-

sionBecause they might careAnd they’ll even share

With people who are starving in another country

But not with someone starving two doors down

Two rungs down on the social ladderJust because she wears less clothing

And they know about her jobAnd they definitely

Don’t.Approve.

She’s all aloneOn her corner

Which is the only thing she owns.And that’s ok for nowBecause it has to be

Just like she has to beThere’s no other choice

But to wake up and put on thatShort skirt

Long jacketLike in that one song

By that one bandYeah, you know the one…

Corner Cabinet

Courtney Dodge ‘12

Courtney Dodge performing her poem (printed below)

Chriss McConnell and Irene Herzig performing a mash-up

of poems


Carol Alban and Joy Shen reciting the classic

Green Eggs and Ham

If you woke up this morning… and remembered that you go to the Culver AcademiesWelcome to my worldIf you were born and raised in the cornfields of the MidwestWelcome to my worldIf you are the blonde-haired, blue-eyed definition of Hitler’s youthWilkommen zur meine WeltIf your older sister got a perfect on the ACT—All right maybe that doesn’t applyIf your younger brother went to the National Spelling BeeWait… maybe that doesn’t work ei-therIf your older brother attempted to set up a Robert E. Lee Memorial Saloon in his fraternity ...We probably have some issues to work out If you hate and love your family for being the most inspiring, challeng-ing, supporting, loving and annoying group of people in your lifeWelcome to my worldIf you get annoyed with “AIM speak” like OMG, LOL, BRBWTMW If you love reading a little too muchWelcome to my world (but shhhh! This is a library!)If you like TwilightStay away from my worldFar AwayLike in a Galaxy Far Far AwaySpeaking of which if you can quote Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, and Douglas AdamsLive long and prosperIf you live in Linden Welcome to my world

If you live in the far dormsWelcome to my worldIf you are a member of CGA Welcome to my worldIf you are looked down upon because you lack a Y-chromosomeIf they underestimate your strengthIf you they say the word “feminist” like it’s a bad thingWelcome to my worldIf you can’t wait to graduate Welcome to my worldIf you are terrified for the future Welcome to my worldIf you still believe you can make a differ-enceWelcome If you love Colby Jack cheeseIf you like dogsIf you like catsIf you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rainIf your parents are divorcedIf you’ve lost a family member to cancer If you feel lonely sometimesIf you want to give up sometimesIf you eat your feelings sometimes If you feel like a god sometimesWelcome to my world If you inhale oxygen and exhale carbon dioxideIf you loveIf you hateIf you liveIf you areWelcome to my world And I think you’ve figured it out by nowThere is no my worldThere is only this worldOur worldSo One last timeWelcome

Welcome to My World


‘09 Grad, Trent Shafer at Poetry Jam 2010

Jerry Howard a junior reveal-ing his inner slam-poet

A p r i l 2 0 1 0P O E T R Y

You may be disappointed, but on the bright side,Happy Day-Before-April-Fools Day!

Here’s a serious photo taken by Sam Gao to kick off this part:

Not where the joke portion begins

M a r c h 3 2, 2 0 10


Gnus A P R I L 2 0 10

The spork was simply not made to be taken seriously. This is why no manufacturer even bothers to produce a metal spork. The majority of sporks are made of flimsy white plastic, and can be found floating around at low-budget barbecues or hastily organized birth-day parties. Its rarity is not surprising, as most liquids spill out from the tong-lined edge, and multiple tries are needed in order to fork up anything thicker than a piece of sliced cheese. If the food in question happens to be a generous piece of roast beef, it is more than likely the spork will break before any progress is made. Undoubtedly, you are wondering something among the lines of: How was such an odd piece of cutlery invented in the first place? The history of the spork is filled with controversy. In the late 1900s, archeologists excavating tombs

Sporks Through the Ages

in Israel claimed to find a two thousand year-old spork prototype. They also in-sisted that there was solid evidence to proving that the Last Supper was eaten using holy sporks. Recently, however, paleontologists in Australia discovered what they believe to be the first sporks in the history of mankind- a collection of over 200 tonged, spoon-like objects, dating back to before 1200 B.C. Near the site, workers also found the grave of an Aborigine man from around the same time period; this was undoubt-edly the resting place of the world’s first spork hoarder. Despite these new pos-sibilities, most spork lovers (spovers, anyone?) still believe that the spork was in fact invented by Napoleon Bonaparte during the early eighteenth century as a torturing device used to extract military secrets from the British.

Sharon Chen ‘12

A spoon and fork enjoying the beautiful weather. The

beginning of sporks?

We played Go Fish and ate those little Bagel Bites snacks. They were too hot, but I ate them anyway. When I asked him if he had any Queens he replied, “Go fish!” even though I’m pretty sure he had at least one. I didn’t say anything about it. Cheating is a sensitive topic with him nowadays. When we were finished playing cards we played Wii golf. He got overly competitive and mumbled something along the lines of “the only thing I’m good for anymore.” We then played Wii Fairy Ice

I Spent a Lovely Evening with Tiger Woods

Princess; he calmed right down. He seemed distressed so I drove him home in my SUV. I took extra care to avoid fire hydrants, trees, and Swedish flags. I dropped him off at his house before going home, folding some shirts, and going to bed. I feel that I deserve several thou-sand dollars and a nationally televised apology (vague but poignant) for the trauma I have suffered. It took a lot of courage to finally come clean about the lovely evening I spent with Tiger Woods. Thank you, American public, for supporting me in my home wreck-ing and career-killing actions.

The offending cards, evidence of the lovely time shared on this

dreadful, guilt-filled evening. - Clancy Tripp ‘11


A P R I L 2 0 1 0A P R I L 2 0 1 0G n u s

Culver plates are angered by their utter lack of recognition by the stu-dent body. Many plates have threat-ened to go on strike if this “sheer dis-respect” continues. “We want our trays back... we want them back!’ That’s all we ever hear from you ungrateful students!” says the famous Greek philosopher Plate-O, “Well, it ain’t your trays that carry your food, it’s your plate! Don’t you rowdy lot forget that!” Following the establishment of the Tray-less initiative, the approval rat-ing for Culver plates have matched that of President Obama. “Their hon-eymoon stage is official over,” said one skeptic plastic cup, “And these plates are merely bitter about that fact. In my opinion, they need to stop their gurgling! If I were them, I would just drink my sorrows away and move on!” However, these plates are ardent

The creators of the iPhone recently released outstanding results from the latest series of human technology in-teraction tests. This new experiment pushed the boundaries of simple in-ternet usage and easily accessible ap-plications- this was an experiment to change the future. “We worked 24/7 under intensely bright lights and high security,” commented on unnamed Apple worker, “because we were paranoid Microsoft or Verizon would catch wind of this development.” The premier of the new experi-ment drew top technology names and some movie celebrities to a small, cloaked room. A short announcement was made by the head of the Covert Experimental Section of Apple, Jim Jameson, which did nothing but en-

The Plates Take a Standbelievers in the Plate’s Union, which they say is being violated by the stu-dents. “We aren’t your tray’s sloppy replacement!” cried one impassioned plate in protest, “Even if it is Sloppy Joe night.” “It’s grueling what we do,” agreed another plate in an earlier interview, “We uphold the food, the nutrition and the values embodied by all at the Culver Academies. But with the new tray-less initiative, all we ever hear of is whining and complaining. We won’t stand for this any longer! We want our proper rights!” In response, many school officials have suggested a new Plate-less ini-tiative to follow the Tray-less initia-tive. “We are currently discussing the matter of a potential Plate-less initiative, as suggested by the plates themselves,” stated one official. “However, if this initiative fails, we may be forced to institute a Food-less

initiative as well (See Foodless Initia-tive pg. ). As a final resort, we’ve also discussed the possibility of Student-less initiative that can be enacted. It honestly depends on how far these rambunctious plates are willing to go for their rights.” If the Plate-less plan is indeed initi-ated, the plates have decided to take a group vacation down to White Castle. There, as one plate says, “We will be truly appreciated for all that we do.”

Alex Ding ‘13

hance the mystery surrounding this new experiment. Jameson soon sat down, silence gripped the room, and the curtain was drawn to reveal an eighteen month old baby holding an iPhone. Murmurs filled the room and some even stood up to leave. One ob-serving member audibly exclaimed “Dear God, they’re programming hu-mans now.” The basic principles of the iPhone Baby are what American visionaries have always wanted for America mil-itaristically and socially. “The world has reached a point where a million young, uneducated adolescence are stronger for economic growth and military power,” commented James-on, “than a few well educated MIT graduates in America.” The capabili-ties of the iPhone Baby are extraor-dinary; after just eighteen months of being fed by machines and having

only the interaction of an iPhone, this baby’s IQ has matched that of Albert Einstein’s and has already sketched remarkable military weapons on the new iPhone application iRule (avail-able only for military powers trying to rule the world). “This is the first baby experiment out of, hopefully, thousands.” Added Jameson, “Imag-ine how much we can advance as a people in a few years if we improve on these early results.” The “new line” of iPhone Babies will eliminate the need for higher education, allow-ing for a stronger work force and mil-itary power, moving America above China in an estimated two years. The iPhone Baby is here. The only ques-tion now is if you are willing to give one baby up for the betterment of the world.

Alex Rodgers ‘10

Apple’s iBaby

A hotbed of kitchenware discontent


A P R I L 2 0 1 0 G n u s A P R I L 2 0 1 0

A Culver girl was hospitalized after eating too many Chewy Bars. The girl, a freshman at the Academies, was found unconscious on the 3rd floor of Math and Science building after con-suming more than 462 chocolate Chewy Bars in the allotted ten minutes between CP1 and CP2. The teacher that found her immediately recognized the symptoms of Chewy Bar Poisoning and adminis-tered CPR (Chewy Product Rationing) before calling the police. “It’s a feeding frenzy out there come CP2,” said one nameless cadet. “Espe-cially for the revered chocolate Chewy Bar variety. I’ve often wondered why there was always more peanut butter than chocolate bars. Turns out that girl ate the entire shipment of chocolate and left the peanut butter for the rest of us.” The police said they’ve discovered two entire notebooks filled with tactics on how to maximize the amount of Chewy Bars collected in the girl’s room. “I must admit, some of the plans are quite ruth-less,” says one officer. “She’s obviously highly trained in the art of Chewy Bar gathering.” The girl has been under intensive psy-chotherapy for her Chewy addiction and is said to be recovering well, regularly attending CA (Chewy’s Anonymous) meetings, a government-sponsored self-help group for Chewy addicts from around the world. In place of her Chewy Bar addiction, the girl has said to have found a new love – Silk Milk. Doctors report the girl to be healthy and well, and that she is to return to school in a few days.

G n u s

In my younger more formative years, my father spoke some words to me, and I’ve been pondering them ever since. “Son,” he said (I looked up confusedly as I am obviously a girl), “Never forget that coconuts have ten highly important and prosaic uses”. He then fell into a stupor and didn’t speak again for eight hours. Well now it’s my turn to pass this knowledge on to you. 1. Coconuts as Transportation: This is probably the most well known of the ten uses. Coconuts have long been used in the stead of horses as a cheap but effective means of movement. Sim-ply take the coconut, hollow it out, and making gallopy noises with them. Yes, gallopy. 2. Coconuts in the Modern World: In the high-tech globalized world that sophomore humanities teachers keep going on and on about, there are some who believe the coconut is no longer useful. I disagree! I say the coconut is now more essential than ever. In order to stay ahead of the game economically we must use coconuts to confuse com-peting companies. The next time you have an important meeting with said

Alex Ding ‘13

The Dangers of Chewy Bars

Alex Ding ‘13

The Ten Uses of Coconuts; or All I Ever Really Need-

ed to Learn, I Learned from Monty Python; or How I Learned to Stop

Worrying and Love Monty Python; or Good-bye Blue Monty Python; or Monty

Python’s Crusadecompetition wear a coconut on your head. This will confuse and bewilder the aforementioned company giving you the advantage. 3. Coconuts as a Murder Weapon: Well… this is pretty self-explanatory… Take coconut. Hit person on head. Eat coconut, thus destroying all evidence. Not saying anyone has tried it but...

(Continued on next Page)

This is NOT a coconut!


A P R I L 2 0 1 0G n u s

4. Coconuts and Children: Little known fact-- coconuts and children get along great. Tired after a hard week’s work? Not enough money to pay a sitter? No, problem! Instead of turning on mind-numbing television go out a find a nice coconut. Your child and the coconut will bond in no time leaving you free for a nice relaxing evening out. 5. Coconuts+ Spider Monkeys= Bad: Just a warning. DO NOT MIX CO-CONUTS AND SPIDER MONKEYS! Sure it seems like a good idea at first. What could possibly go wrong you say? Let me tell you… EVERYTHING! The last time coconuts and spider monkeys were mixed was in the year 1945 around the time the atomic bomb was first tested. Now, I’d be the last to say there’s a con-nection, but there is.

(Coconuts continued from previous page)

6. Coconuts at Culver: “How can I use coconuts at Culver?” you ask. Simple! Coconuts are an excellent way to improve your mind, body and spirit. Take the coco-nut and substitute it for your pillow. Your work efficiency will improve, you’ll exer-cise more than ever, and you’ll pray/medi-tate almost daily all in an effort to prolong the time you’re awake. The idea being if you’re awake you don’t have to sleep on that dreaded coconut. It’s done wonders for me!7. Coconuts as Clothing: Coco-nuts though itchy can be worn as clothing under the right circumstances. What are the right circumstances? When you are trapped on a desert island infested with

thread eating lizards it is often highly ad-vantageous to wear only coconuts. They make quite fetching hats as well. 8. Coconuts in the Crusades: It is a well known fact that coconuts were the deciding factor in the last crusade. 9. Coconuts in Literature: Coco-nuts actually wrote this poem: “There once was a young man named An-drew, Who rented a room with a beach view, He found the beach though tragically beautiful only served to reemphasize his loneliness and soon realized that noth-ing could ever bring back Bonny, their children, or the country he had sacrificed them for which now lay in a pile of ruins somewhere under the Pacific Ocean, And then he went back to the zoo”. Admittedly the coconuts did not quite un-derstand the format of a limerick but there are some quite nice parts.

The Spider Monkey though not known for its cleverness is a hazard

when dealing with coconuts.

This is also not a coconut, but it is also a fetching hat.

10. Coconuts in the Movies: A coco-nut reportedly served as a supporting role to Humphrey Bogart in his hit movie Cas-ablanca. The line “Play it again, Sam” was originally “Play it again, Coconut” but for some odd reason it was later changed. The world may never know. So there you have it. The ten uses of co-conuts. Remember the next time you see a coconut think back on those words my fa-ther told me, “Lefty loose-y, righty tight” wait that’s not right… no it was “The grass is always greener on the infield”… no, wait, maybe it was “Four score and twenty years ago”. Well, yes, anyway. Don’t forget those words.

Laura Freymiller ‘11Amateur Spelunker

Coconut ExpertThird Degree Affiliated

Pomegranate Researcher

This quote is not relat-ed to the article at all!

Why are you even reading it?


A P R I L 2 0 1 0

You there, Culver student, faculty or staff mem-ber, and or alumni/alumnus, are you tired? Do you find yourself making lists in your head of all the things you still need to do? Are you interested in purchasing a friendly but somewhat rabid spider monkey? Oh, sorry for that last question… wrong article. If you answered “yes” to the first two ques-tions then keep reading. (If you answered yes to the third question email me for details). I, like many others, have found myself subject to the strains and drains of a busy schedule. I used to be irritable, grouchy, and likely to attack small pass-ing animals. Now though my life has been changed because I found a simple and, if I may say so, mod-est solution: Do everything. On first inspection this solution looks to be coun-ter-intuitive. “Do everything?” you say “But if I do everything won’t I be more tired and/or stressed out?” Answer: no. If you do everything you won’t have time to be tired. Sign up for Chinese Tea Club, Greek Club, Sin Fronteras, Greenlife, and the Peace Corps. But don’t stop there! Oh no, continue the spree by pursuing extra credit in every single class and learning a new instrument. You will be so busy, sleep and weari-ness won’t even cross your mind. (Not to mention it will all look great on your college application which is all you care about anyway, right?) The tricky part is finding things to do late into the night after the internet has shut off. Here are a few suggestions: join a stargazing group, bang pots and pans together to try and emulate the percussion group STOMP, or write deep soulful poetry. By filling every hour of your day with meetings, homework, extracurricular activities, and sports you won’t have time to do dangerous things like thinking, pondering, questioning, wondering, or reflecting. With these meddlesome chores far from mind, your life will go much more smoothly. Trust me. I know. So the next time you feel like complaining about a work load, don’t! Simply smile and double the amount that you have to do. Once you’re doing ev-erything, life will move much more quickly. In fact, it will be over before you even knew it started.

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Solution to Stress It’s a well-known fact that the global economy is not what it once was-- the last event of comparable recession being the Great Depres-sion. It is times like these when ev-eryone must cut back on excess and focus more on the necessi-ties, which makes the Cul-ver Academies ask itself “how can we cut back?” Several initiatives have al-ready been put into effect to conserve the Academies’ funds, and still others are currently being discussed; one change which may be put into effect is the “food-less initiative.” The dining hall has just recently gone

A panel of students are currently discussing this new initiative with Mr. Willhite.

photo courtesy of : http://www.istockphoto.com/file_thumbview_ap-prove/5126174/2/istockphoto_5126174-dinner-plate-knife-and-fork.jpg

Proposals

trayless, saving thousands of dol-lars. The staff feels that we can take this effort to a new level. The Academies wastes ludicrous amount of money on food for stu-dents and faculty; such excesses have been scientifically proven to be completely unnecessary. Medi-cal doctors claim that the average person is able to survive for several (typically three to five) weeks with-out food and approximately ten days without water. This is not to say that self-starvation is the most comfort-able or pleasant thing to undergo, but we all have to make sacrifices, don’t we? Along with saving money on the food itself, the dining hall will no longer have the issue of replacing broken plates and bowls or utensils which have the mysteri-ous habit of migrating to students’ dorms. In fact, plates and utensils will no longer be needed at all, so the Academies can even sell these items to other establishments, pro-

viding money for some of Culver’s more crucial necessities on campus. Eating also wastes a great deal of time which could be better spent doing countless other activi-ties, such as studying, partaking

in physical activity, or socializing. It has been estimated that students spend approximately two hours each day eating. Think of the multi-tude of things that could be done in two hours! If, instead of eating for these two precious hours of our day, students spent it studying or doing homework, the entire school’s aver-age GPA would skyrocket. Or if it was spent for sports practices, our teams would be nationally placed. Everyone complains about how there are never enough hours in a day to get everything done, but has anyone done anything about it? No. The Culver Academies has finally provided a solution for this age-old conflict. So now it all comes down to one question: are we really willing to pass up the opportunity to discover something revolutionary at the cost of mere proper nourishment?

Michelle Molner ‘12

Foodless Initiative



Corners A p r i l 2 0 1 0

A Day in the Life of My Hair It is exactly 7:32am Mon-day morning; the day begins. She gets up and smoothes me down as she makes her way to the bathroom to brush her teeth. She eyes me in the mir-ror with a look of disappoint-ment. I think, “What did I do wrong?” I try to forget about it as she makes her way back to her room where I finally get my daily dose of silky smooth goodness, otherwise known as Proc!aim Glossing Polish (with aloe). I can now relax as she cleans her room and gets ready for the day. After she is inspected she makes her way to breakfast. I can feel the wind, more of a cool breeze, flow through me as she steps outside. I can feel the tension resonate through her as my manageability is threatened. “I can do this,” I think to myself, “I won’t make this day any more stressful than it’s already going to be.” I am able to relax as she makes her way through Math and Sci-ence to deposit her back pack next to the staircase, only to be tested once again as she leaves and makes her way to the din-ing hall. She checks in, gets her food and sits down, all the while fidgeting with me, mak-ing sure the last of my morning imperfections are gone. She leaves breakfast and commutes back to Math and Science and takes her seat in Physics. She seems content, only brushing me out of the way occasionally in order to see her notes. “So far so good; she’s happy” is all that runs through my mind for now. Physics is over and she goes downstairs to the second floor for Pre-Calc. Nothing too hard,

I get to relax in this class, just flowing whichever way my roots take me. Now it’s back to the dorm for a free period.

She drops off her bag, checks her e-mail and decides to make a stop at the dining hall to grab a sandwich. It’s a bit of a bumpy ride for me as her step is hurried which causes me to rebound up and down almost uncontrollably. “It’s all going to be over in a few minutes, I can take it.” She gets back to her room, enjoys her sandwich and starts on her homework and studying for a few tests. When all is complete, she decides it’s time to catch up on some Z’s. “Oh no, what am I going to look like when she wakes up? Will she be upset? What am I supposed to do?” I have no idea what to do, but I realize I can’t do anything as she lies down. She wakes up at 1:41 in order to have enough time to get her things ready and make it to class on time. I can’t help but replay “The Final Countdown” in my head over and over again as she makes her way to her anti-self-confidence mirror. She seems

content with my appearance as she glances at me, runs her hand over me and makes her way out the door to APUSH.

This is going to be a tough eighty-five minutes; it’s a mul-tiple-choice test day. Mr. Bat-tersby passes out the test and the class gets started. She runs her fingers through me as she reads the questions and attempts to find the best possible answer for each. Sometimes her fingers stop and hold on tight as she struggles with a few questions. It’s nothing I haven’t endured before, I can take this. The test is then followed by filling the remainder of class time with note taking and discussion on Jacksonian Democracy. I’m thankful that I am ignored as she frantically writes down ev-erything she hears. The class day is finally over and she power-walks back to her room to get her things ready for hockey practice. She gets to the rink and lies down on the trainer table to get stretched. I feel like she is annoyed with me as I take the liberty of fall-ing wherever I want, including

over her face. All I’m doing is enjoying my last few minutes of freedom before she gets on the ice. I can see it the whole time she is putting her equipment on: the hair tie, #3 on my list of things I hate the most (right behind wind and rain). She fin-ishes getting dressed and brings it out, constricting and pulling me as tight as I can behind her head. It’s the most horrible time of the day, all I can do is try and enjoy the slightest breeze as she skates around the rink. After an hour and a half of hell I’m finally set free. She gets in the shower and I say “hello to hydration” as a flood of Herbal Essences washes over me. Af-ter this daily rejuvenation is complete she removes all of my knots and tangles and rebuilds my structure with the great Gar-nier Fructis curling gel. I now have the strength I need to make it through dinner and on to CQ. Dinner is uneventful, nothing spectacular at all. She is stressed during CQ, attempting to get as much work done as she can. She runs her fingers through me and moves me around in an attempt to help me dry the way she wants. I cooperate to the best of my ability, she has enough to worry about as it is and I don’t want to give her anything else to worry about. It is now 10:30 and she goes to brush her teeth. I see her look at me in the mirror, evaluating my final placement for the day. She seems content, I’m happy. She goes back to her room and gets into bed, all the while knowing that tomorrow will be another day and I will be as un-predictable as always.

-Hannah Smith ‘11 andideas from Alex Ding ‘13

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A p r i l 2 0 1 0 C O R N E R S

Here at Culver, we are among some of the most charming, intelligent, talented people from all over the globe. Little did I know my peers are worldwide beauty pag-eant champions; their answers to the basic pageant questions have won over the most grueling panels of judges and made them nationally ranked pageant queens. Let’s take a look at some of their best answers…

1. What is your idea of the perfect date?

“Somewhere fun where I won’t get bored, but it doesn’t have to be cheesy just some-where I’ll have fun.”

-Bethanni Lewis

“A nice dinner for two followed by a stroll on the beach.”

-Adam Holt

“Taking a nice scenic drive out in the Ad-irondacks in an Oscarmier Weiner Mo-bile.”

-Blake Hunnewell

“Someone who takes me to Chuck-E-Cheeses and throws all the little kids out of the ball pit so we can throw the little plastic balls at each other and fall in love.”

-Caitlin Miclot

“I consider the perfect date to be not too sunny but not too rainy because I love to wear raincoats. They make my eyes shine like stardust.”

-Ashley Dawson

2. At what point does a girl become a woman?

“A girl becomes a woman when she’s around 17-18. I think that’s fair to say. Same with a guy, though if you go through a difficult experience, you can become an adult pretty quick.”

-Adam Holt

“When she decides what she wants to do with her life.”

-Bethanni Lewis

Miss Culver“Well, for some people…it’s when they get their CGA crest; for others, it’s when they have the confidence to dine alone.”

-Caitlin Miclot

“A girl becomes a woman when her allow-ance goes from 10 to 100 dollars a week. A boy becomes a man when he’s taller than six feet.”

-Blake Hunnewell

3. Do you consider yourself a giver or a taker?

“I consider myself a giver...ladies.” -Adam Holt

“A giver, because I like to make people laugh.”

-Bethanni Lewis

“A giver because there is nothing like the smile on your roommates face when you take out the trash in the morning.”

-Caitlin Miclot

“I am a giver. I give people high fives all the time…does that count?”

-Yusef Kurdi

“I consider myself a giver because I give people something good to look at.”

-Ashley Dawson

4. What quality do you like most about yourself and why?

“Probably my left bicep. It’s easily the strongest part of my body. I named her Charlene and I have received many com-ments about her sheer beauty, especially when she’s glistening in the warm sun.”

-Adam Holt

“I am a giver. I give people high fives all the time…does that count?”

-Yusef Kurdi

“My pinky toes because it’s my balancing toe, and I can’t walk without it.”

-Caitlin Miclot

“My luscious golden locks.”-Ashley Dawson

“Gratitude. I am very fortunate and thank-ful for what others do for me.”

-Blake Hunnewell

5. If there was one thing you could change in the world what would it be?

“That guys aren’t allowed to wear Capri pants.”

-Adam Holt

“That the oceans, and large bodies of wa-ter, should all turn into pink lemonade.”

-Caitlin Miclot

“I believe the universe shall share world peace.”

-Ashley Dawson

“Ban movies that deal with love affairs.”-Blake Hunnewell

6. Where do you picture yourself in 20 years?

“Well if I’m dead, my head will surely be on Mount Rushmore.”

-Caitlin Miclot

“Nascar driver. Gettrrr donneeeee!”-Blake Hunnewell

Thank you, Miss Culvers, for your spec-tacular responses!


Chess and Speech A p r i l 2 0 1 0

The Ultimate Sports of Culver:vs.

A rise in performance enhancing drug use found in local chess tournament competitors causes unrest among officials. Coaches and parents alike are worried for the safety and health of the play-ers. “There’s an extreme pressure on these players to use these performance enhancing drugs,” says Brad Teenress, head coach of the Minnesota Violet Kings, a successful Minneapolis-based chess club, “It’s amazing how affective these illegal drugs are. Steroids build muscle mass in key areas of the finger which in-crease my player’s speed and agility by at least o.ooo4o millisec-onds. That is precious time to be shaved off our usual 6-hour long games. The 6-minutes gained from the extra speed allowed us to make a stop at White Castle before returning home.” The issue was a hot topic in last week’s meeting of the Inter-national Olympic Committee, where chess is confirmed to make an appearance as an official sport in the upcoming London 2012 Summer Olympics. A spokesman for the IOC said in a press re-lease yesterday, “With events such as basketball and swimming, there truly is no urge for these competitors to use performance enhancing drugs such as steroids. Its utterly bafflingly they would do such a thing. But chess is an entirely different matter.” George Knight, the two-time State Chess Champion, is a quiet boy. But behind his steely façade lies the heart of a champion.

With its bus crashes, marathon award banquet, and Saturdays packed with high levels of stress and adrenaline the speech team has often been described as a combination of The Fast and The Furious and Slumdog Millionaire. Easily one of the most intense and hardcore sports to take place on the Culver campus this com-mitted group of fifty competitors words hard and brings home the hardware, and that includes our fourth state title in sixth years. We wake up before the sun and return too late to get checked for civvies. We wolf down pizza in between rounds of competi-tion and clean up when awards are announced. We are never sat-isfied with less than the best. In the words of one of our own, “I don’t GET fourth place.” From screaming body parts in Spanish to showing up late we are truly the speech team from Hell. To answer the question that is on everyone’s mind, yes, the coaches do beat us if we do not receive a ribbon in our event. Why else would we wear long-sleeved suits?

- Clancy Tripp ‘11

Chess Speech

When asked about the rise in drug use, Knight said it was “sober-ing” Knight is one of the few re-maining com-petitors who have decided to remain drug-free in the upcoming State Champi-onship tourna-ment which will be broad-casted live on ESPN next Wednesday.

-Alex Ding ‘13


Arts A p r i l 2 0 1 0

With the end of the eighty-second Academy Awards, there has been talk of adding a new cat-egory to next year’s list: the Best Commercial Performance. With a de-cline in interesting mov-ies and an increase in cable and HBO, some of the big names of the sil-ver screen have ventured onto your screen. More and more well known celebrities are opting to entertain the general audience via one minute commercials. “They just want a good one-liner these days.” commented William Shatner dur-ing an interview Sun-day. “They aren’t inter-ested in sitting for two

hours watching a movie when they could be tex-ting or chatting online to a friend”. Shatner, who after being replaced as the famous Captain Kirk among the Enterprise by the fresh faced Chris Pine, now appears as the “Priceline Negotiator” and is predicted to be next year’s Best Commercial Performance winner. Smaller names who played roles on TV series are also prime contenders for the spot. Dennis Hay-sbert, who played Presi-dent Palmer of FOX’s 24 in on the list as Allstate’s representative, as well as HBO’s Michael C. Hall from Dexter as a car an-nouncer voice. Another

Academy AwardsSurprises

category being added to the Academy Awards is the Sexiest Perfume Commer-cial, which includes big names like Antonio Ban-deras, Anne Hathaway, and Brittney Spears. This new category in the Academy Awards adds a whole new group of view-

ers. The influx may be due to the fact that most television watchers and movie lovers spend more time with their favorite commercial personali-ties than with their favor-ite movie personalities. Whatever the reason, the young texters and old

Hallmark viewers will be gathering around their screens for possibly the most exciting night of Commercial Per-formance competi-tion.

- Alex Rodgers, ‘10

Patience Durbin sings her heart out at the CGA Talent Show

Comic by Kacie Hermanson ‘12


A p r i l 2 0 1 0A R T S

Cont’d on Page

Scholarly Analysis of Dingo Dingo

In “Dingo Dingo in the Night,” Christine Burke, Sarah Reeser, Maddie Bal-chan, and Irena Balzekas contemplate the conflict between corporate America and unemployed lasagna farmers. Through the use of probing questions and historical references the stigma surrounding lasagna production is explored. Pope Blessed Eugene the third is initially invoked as a muse. The devout Catho-lic and lasagna connois-seur harkens back to a time when lasagna and multi-million dollar corporations worked in harmony, name-ly, the Vatican and Fedex. Like the incessant alarm

Dingo Dingo: The

PoemIn Loving Memory of Pope Blessed Eugene the third

1 My alarm rang again this morn-ing. 2 Ring 3 Ring 4 Ring

5 How can you have a vision state-ment if you cannot see.6 Vision statement

7 I was running in the dark 8 There was a microscope.

9 If you prefer communication by mail, are you a misogynist?10 Misogynist.

11 Why can’t tomatoes be in al-fredo sauce? 12 Grape juice.

13 Do Siamese twins pay for one ticket or two?14 Sky mall

15 Rabbits give live birth? 16 Easter bunny.

17 I am going to tell you one time.18 Party. In the United States of America19 America.

20 If bella eats garlic, will Edward die?21 krrrroooo

22 Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar23 It’s me.

24 How many electrons does it take to show you that you are alone?25 Seven.

clock, Fedex “lives to deliv-er.” With each ring, another child falls victim to Miley Cyrus and her noodle-like gyrations (Please see lines 17-19). By mentioning the vision statement, Culver’s dogma of goal setting is jux-taposed with blind dogs. The alliteration between “microscope” and “misogy-nist” when added together, divided by three, and multi-plied by the amount of Face-book stalkers in the world yields the magnification of a zero setting rusty mi-croscope. This comparison reveals nothing, absolutely nothing. Nope, nothing there. No

really, please stop, just don’t bother, there’s nothing to see. Obviously, “tomatoes can’t be in alfredo sauce” because such a combination is revolting and not halaal or kosher. The number seven as the concluding word of the RIBB collaboration al-ludes to the Great Lasagna Flood of 1874. At the funeral for the seven lasagna farmers who were victims of American corporate greed, Sir Francis Drake delivered the eulogy in the shadow of the cor-pulent Easter Bunny. The intricate weaving of history, fact, and wordsmanship oc-curs in the incubus of intel-

Comic by Kacie Hermanson‘12


A p r i l 2 0 1 0 A R T S

Dingo Cont’dlectual might that is the second floor south east hallway. The critically acclaimed “Dingo Dingo in the Night” is a heroic, generous, and svelte social commentary. Ali Davidge’s upbringing between the world of rural lasagna and Wallstreet brings forth her current identity crisis. One woman’s battle with self acceptance is but a small star in the vast galaxy of “Dingo Dingo in the Night.” Not only is this work of classical literature an allusion, it effortlessly pro-tests the plight of lasagna farmers throughout America. Hopefully, Pope Eugene willing, one day lasagna farmers and fat cat bankers will hold hands on the mountain top and sing the praises of parmesan cheese.

Is it still a chair if it is in outer space?

Is it still a chair if it is upside down?What IS a chair, really?

Comic by Guanlin Chen ‘11

Chair ArtPhotog-raphy

and soul-searching questions by Laura

Freymiller ‘11

- Christine Burke ‘10, Sarah Reeser ‘10, and Irena Balzekas ‘10


Major Duckett can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves...

Major Duckett is currently filing a lawsuit against the movie company Silver Pictures, claiming the movie Lethal Weapons stole his trademarked names for his left and right hands....

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Major Duckett...

Major Duckett doesn’t write army survival manuals. He stares them down until they write them self....

There is no theory of evolution. Just a small number of creatures that Major Duckett hasn’t killed yet....

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Major Duckett....

Major Duckett does not sleep. He waits....

JokesThe Truth Revealed

Jokes based on Chuck Norris Jokes

A P R I L 2 0 1 0

Pick-up LinesThese jokes were not originally created by the submitter, but are derived

from several sources

Major Duckett is the reason why Waldo is hiding...

Major Duckett is the only American in the entire United States History to fight in all of its wars...twice: The American Revo-lution, The War of 1812, The Mexican - American War, The Civil War, The Spanish American War, World War I, World War II, The Korean War, The Vietnam War, Desert Storm, Operation Enduring Freedom, and Iraqi Freedom

Chuck Norris wears Major Duckett pajamas to bed....

Major Duckett doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is....

And God said, “Let there be light!” Major Duckett, annoyed at this demand, replied, “Say Please!” And there was light...

-Submitted by Ryan Kolden ‘11

Harry Potter Pick-up lines-I'm just like Oliver Wood, baby... I'm a keeper!

-Did you survive Avada Kedavra? ‘Cause you’re drop dead gor-geous.

Other Pick-up lines-You’re like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life!

-If I was sin^2 theta and you were cos^2 theta together we would be 1

-Our love is like dividing by zero.... you cannot define it .

-You’re as sweet at 3.14.

-Submitted by Alex Ding ‘13

Courtesy of http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hogsmeade/Harry-Potter-pick-up-

lines/288992882683?ref=nf#!


J O K E SA P R I L 2 0 1 0

Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the little girl was up to, he politely asked, “What

are you up to there, Nancy?”

“My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbor was concerned, “That’s an awfully big hole for a

goldfish, isn’t it?”

Nancy patted down the last heap of earth and then replied,“That’s because he’s inside your stupid cat.”

-Submitted by Jon Brown ‘10

Appearances can be Decieving

A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, “Where is Jesus today?”

Steven raises his hand and says, “He’s in Heaven.” Mary answers, “He’s in my heart.” Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, “He’s in our bathroom!”

The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this.“Well,” Little Johnny says, “every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells ‘Jesus Christ, are you

still in there?!’”

Where is Jesus?

-Submitted by Mrs. Schriefer

Once a man bought a parrot from a pet store. He took it home and set it up in a nice cage. However, soon the parrot began spouting off the most horrible obsceni-ties. The man became quite upset and finally threatened to put the parrot in the refrigerator. The parrot con-tinued screeching so the man did as he had promised. Shortly after the parrot stopped making any noises. The man began to worry that perhaps the parrot had died. He quickly opened the refrigerator and the parrot hopped out. “I’m most dreadfully sorry for my earlier behavior” the parrot said. The man was quick to forgive. After a while the parrot said, “Do you mind if I ask you a question? What did the chicken do?”

A lady got a new job and found that every day she had to walk past a certain pet shop to and from working. One day she saw a beautiful parrot. She stopped to look at it and was quite surprised when the parrot said “Hey, Lady, you’re ugly”. The woman felt insulted and walked away. On her way back the parrot said the same thing “Hey, Lady, you’re ugly”. Every day to and from work the woman would pass the bird and the bird would say “Hey, Lady, you’re ugly”. Finally the woman couldn’t take it anymore. On her way to work she stopped and confronted the par-rot. “Look buddy, if you say that one more time I’m going to have you stuffed!” The parrot was quiet and the woman walked away feeling pretty good about herself. On the way back from work the parrot began to talk “Hey, Lady” he began. The woman whirled around ready to attack, “What???” The parrot said “You know…”

-Submitted by Laura Freymiller ‘11

Nancy’s Little Pet

April 2010

THE MONTH IN NUMBERS

Disclaimer: This is not factual or research- based.1- Number of facts in this issue’s Month in Numbers. Hope you enjoyed it!

Relay For Lifeof The Culver Academies!

This coming Friday and Saturday (April 16-17) Culver is hosting its third annual Relay for Life event at Oliver Field. The extravaganza starts at 7:00 PM and will not end until the following morning. The purpose of this function is to raise funds and awareness to fight cancer. If you wish to make a donation or find out more visit http://www.relayforlife.org/culverin. The Vedette will be sponsoring an all-night blog (http://eaglenet.culver.org/Relay-2010/Blog/page-1/blog-page1.html). Even if you are unable to attend we hope that you will stay up-to-date with each new activity. We hope many of you will join us Friday as we

celebrate, remember, and fight back.

Model United Nations of Culver Starting on Monday April 18 the sophomores of the Culver Academies will be participating in the first ever sophomore-wide Cul-ver Model United Nations. Sophomores have been preparing for this event for several weeks and are now ready to bring forward their proposals. Several upperclassmen are also participating as chair members to help coordinate and facilitate the different committees. Special thanks should be given to all the sophomore humanities teachers for making this experience possible. We wish the best of luck to everyone involved in the first Culver MUN!

NOTICE: This page is accurate, true information. We hope you will join us in supporting and con-gratulating our sophomores as well as celebrating Relay For Life!

Month in Review The US Congress has passed a massive and to some controversial bill to overhaul health care access and insurance in the country…Sarah Palin announced last month that it’s OK that she took notes on the back of her hand because “God wrote on His hands, too”… The man who played the Munchkin Coroner in The Wizard of Oz died last week, aged 94…In a low moment for US-Afghan relations, President Hamid Karzai apparently threatened to “join the Taliban”. Secretary of State Clinton was not amused…Doctors in England took eight weeks and $20,000 to reconstruct a dog after a near fatal traffic accident. The two year old lurcher now is fine, and the owners’ house has not been repossessed…A woman who adopted a 7 year old boy in the fall sent him back to Russia on his own with a note to Russian officials saying she could not cope with him. Apparently he threatened to burn down the house…Justice Stevens, aged 90, has announced he will retire from the US Supreme Court at the end of this session, allowing President Obama to make his second Supreme Court appointment….Tiger Woods returned to golf last week after a bizarre commercial which featured his dead father’s voice. No one really cared….Butler University became the first college to be telephoned by the President of the United States for almost winning the college basketball title… The British prime minister has called a General Election for May 6th…Dame Elizabeth Taylor may marry for the ninth time…26 New York City tax preparers were arrested for filing false claims for income tax returns for dead people… On a serious note: This past week marked the 70th anniversary of the massacre at Katyn of 20,000 members of the Polish military and intelligentsia. Tragically, the Polish president and 85 other major figures in Polish political and military life were killed when their plane crashed into the woods near Smolensk and Katyn, attempting a landing that air traffic controllers warned the pilots to abort.

the vedette - april 2010

Documents

laura freymiller

laura ma

awesome articles

sam gao

alex rodgers

culver academies

vedette staff

awesome article competition