Tough, Tender andTransformationalA Tool for MinistryEI and the Pastorate:a system for managing emotions and creating positive outcomes

Delbert W. Baker, PhD, Oakwood UniversitySouthern Union Conference MinisteriumDaytona Beach, Florida

Past and

Present

Ministerial

Context

Pastors in Transition: Why Clergy Leave Local Church Ministryby Dean Hoge and Jacqueline Wenger Wm B Eerdman’s Pub Co: Grand Rapids, MI, © 2005

The most prevalent reason clergy leave local church ministry is moving on to another kind of ministry. Joy and optimism often accompany the minister through this vocational change. The next three most prevalent reasons for leaving are polar opposite experiences: 1) leaving due to conflict in the congregation, 2) due to burnout, or 3) due to conflict with one’s denomination. Hoge and Wenger describe more fully each of these leavings.

Conflict in the congregation most often revolves around finances, leadership style, changes in worship style, renovation issues, and staff conflicts.These are listed in descending order for frequency. The researchers discovered two recurrent themes in congregation conflicts leading to clergy leaving.

*First, even churches who say they want to grow are often unwilling to tolerate the changes necessary to do so.

*Second, when conflict is present in the congregations, a pervasive assumption exists that this must be (at least partly) the pastor’s fault.

Wise clergy stay aware of these two dynamics as they interact with the congregational system.

Never, ever think outside the box!

Outside-the-Box

Three Objectives1. Demonstrate how EI is an effective tool for

the Minister who wants to be effective.

2. Provide an overview of EI from the Bible and Spirit of Prophecy.

3. Create motivation for the use EI principles.

Overall Objective: Show that EI facilitates a successful Christ-centered ministry.

Emotions

Identify emotions?

Emotional HOT BUTTON?Emotional HOT BUTTON?-What ticks you off the

most?-What ticks you off the

most?-What tempts you to lose

it?-What tempts you to lose

it?

YOUR GREATEST . . .YOUR GREATEST . . .

The Pastor’s Need and the Greatest of

Gifts . . .

The Pastor Alpha’s sagaPastor Alpha is educated, knowledgeable, impressive looking , with an ideal spouse.

He seems like the ideal pastor with great potential.

Unfortunately, his ministry is experiencing problems and is showing tale-tell danger signs.

Pastor Alpha’s problem: He is running into people problems because he lacks the emotional skills necessary to relate successfully to others.

(Even if not this extreme, everyone can increase their EI and experience improvement in their relationships.)

Challenge“Our greatest duty to

God and man is

that of self-improvement.”

Ellen White

Emotional Intelligence and MinistryThere is hope for anyone having the Pastor Alpha Syndrome! And for those who want to increase their ability to relate to others successfully.

Integrating emotional intelligence (EI) principles in your ministry in the context of Bible and Spirit of Prophecy principles can facilitate transformation in the life of the Pastor and Christian worker.

So EI is a tool that, with the help of the Holy Spirit, will give you a handle on how to discover what you are doing right and what you need to improve.

Skills expected in ministryBiblical knowledge Preaching & teaching

Leadership ability Management (i.e., financial)

Communication expertise Evangelism (soul-winning)

Spiritual formation proficiency Church growth principles

Professional ethics Denominational polity

These traits are often termed pastoral hard skills.

Skills expected in ministryInterpersonal skills Ability to motivate

Helping Conflict management

Personal humility Fruits of the Spirit

Conducive environment Loving service

Diversity sensitivity Lay empowerment

These traits are often termed soft skills.

EQ and IQCompared

How well you use intelligence

Defines how intelligent you are

Gets you promoted Gets you hired

Can develop and increase Essentially is the same from birth

A Biblical Perspective of EI

Emotional Intelligence (EI)Definition—”the capacity to recognize and manage our own feelings and to respond to the feelings of others in such a manner as to create positive outcomes.”

Few skills are as important to a Christian worker as the spiritually based ability to understand and relate to one’s own emotions and the emotions of others.

Pastor Alpha lacks emotional intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence (EI)“We are judged by a new yardstick: not just by how smart we are, or by our training and expertise, but also by how well we handle ourselves and each other.”

Daniel Goleman, author of Working withEmotional Intelligence and Primal Leadership

Having emotional intelligence is twice as important for leadership performance as having IQ and technical skills combined.

Universal and Timeless Principles

Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EIMinistry is about people.

Loving and relating to diverse people is at the heart of an effective ministry.

The ministry of Jesus—the true model of leadership—was intertwined with people.

“He who seeks to transform humanity must himself understand humanity. Only through sympathy, faith, and love can men be reached and uplifted.” (EG White)

Crucial: Knowledge, abilities, and skills are important, but they can’t be separated from the centrality of sound emotional intelligence.

Paul highlighted the importance of the leader’s emotional intelligence.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” (Gal. 5:22-25, NIV)

Crucial: Emotional intelligence originates with the Holy Spirit but needs to be cultivated and nurtured in the life of the believer.

Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EI

Paul also identified emotionally unintelligent qualities.

“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Gal. 5:19-21, NIV)

Crucial: These are emotions and actions that need to be avoided.

Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EI

Other biblical counsel:

Peter’s principles of spiritual development: Brotherly kindness and love are at the top. (2 Peter 1:3-10)

Paul prioritizes love above all else (1 Cor. 13)

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:8, NIV)

Crucial: Next to loving God, loving and relating authentically and sensitively to others is the primary responsibility of a Christian.

Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EI

The Spirit of Prophecy speaks to EI:

Law of Mutual Dependence: “We are all woven together in the great web of humanity, and whatever we can do to benefit and uplift others will reflect in blessing upon ourselves. The law of mutual dependence runs through all classes of society.” PP 534, 535 (1890)

Law of Beneficial Service: “In the Lord's plan human beings have been made necessary to one another. If all would do their utmost to help those who need their help, their unselfish sympathy and love, what a blessed work might be done. To everyone God has entrusted talents. These talents we are to use to help one another to walk in the narrow path. In this work each one is connected with the other, and all are united with Christ. It is by unselfish service that we improve and increase our talent.” 2MCP 431 (1903)

Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EI

Emotional intelligence provides a platform and context for love to demonstrate itself(1 Corinthians. 13).

When a pastor models love, authenticity and encourages members toward spirituality, the church grows and develops.

Conversely, if the pastor models selfishness and negative attitudes, spirituality suffers and vitality plummets.

Biblical and Spirit of Prophecy Basis for EI

1. (E) Barnabus 2. (OA) Jethro3. (SO) Dorcas

II. (SeM) Joseph

4. (ESC) Job

5. (T) Samuel

6. (C) John the Baptist

7. (A) Simon of Cyrene

8. (O) Caleb

9. (AO) Solomon

10. (I) NoahIII. (SoA) Daniel /11. (ESA) Jeremiah

12. (ASA) Deborah

13. (SC) Paul

IV. (SoS) Nehemiah/14. (DO) Moses

15. (IL) Joshua

16. (I) Esther

17. (C) Stephen

18. (CC) Abraham

19. (CM) Abigail

20. (BB) John

21. (TC) JonathanI. (SeA) David

BIBLE CHARACTERS WHO DEMONSTRATED NOTABLE EI

Components of EI

Mastery and Awareness of the Personaland Social Competencies (19) of EI form the bedrock of how well we get along and demonstrate love and respect to others.

Social AwarenessSocial Awareness

Relationship managementRelationship management

Self-awarenessSelf-awareness

Self-managementSelf-management

Self-Awareness

Self-Awareness

SocialAwareness

SocialAwareness

Self-Management

Self-Management

RelationshipManagementRelationshipManagement

1. EmotionalSelf-Awareness

2. Accurate Self-Assessment

3. Self-Confidence

10. Empathy11. Organizational

Awareness12. Service

4. Emotional Self-Control5. Transparency6. Adaptability7. Achievement 8. Initiative9. Optimism

13. Inspirational Leadership14. Influence15. Developing Others16. Change Catalyst17. Conflict Management18. Building Bonds19. Teamwork and

Collaboration

Three (3)Competencies

Three (3)Competencies

Six (6)Competencies

Six (6)Competencies

Three (3)Competencies

Three (3)Competencies

Seven (7)Competencies

Seven (7)Competencies

Nineteen (19) EI Competencies to Exponentially Enhance Your Ministry

Nineteen (19) EI Competencies to Exponentially Enhance Your Ministry

The Goal: Manage Your EmotionsThe emotionally intelligent person can take charge of his or her emotions.

Emotions ebb and flow naturally unless you sustain them with your thoughts.

Managing how you think, talk or act out your feelings will dramatically affect your emotional intensity!

Stanford U.Marshmallow Study (1960s)

Four year old’shad to pick:

One (1) Marshmallow

now

or

Two (2) in 15 minutes (1/3)

Delayed gratification(self discipline)

ke

“Kids who waited (waiters vs grabbers) 14 years later scored an average of 210 points better on SAT scores!”

(Walter Mischel)

y to long term success!

How EI works

Greater MasteryGreater ResultsGreater MasteryGreater MasteryGreater ResultsGreater Results

Mind over Mood

Moods

Physical Reaction

Thoughts

Cognitive Dissonance

Possible Leadership Career Obstacles

Possible Leadership Career Obstacles

Top Down Attitude

Paperwork Before People

Acidic Negativity

Organization Rigidity

Oblivious to Misfit

Failing to Focus

Dictatorship Decision Making

Dirty Delegation

Missing Cues

Communication Chaos

Emotional Intelligence and Ministry

Everyday you deal — effectively or ineffectively — with EI in every aspect of your ministry?

When an emotion like satisfaction, anxiety, or frustration is experienced, the human brain is programmed to respond to the threat and an emotional response is triggered. However, acting on that first impulse can lead you to say and do things you later regret. EI means that while you acknowledge your instinctive emotional responses, you don’t act on them reflexively.But you step back from the situation and let rational thought influence your actions.

Emotionally, you act intelligent versus unintelligent.

EventEvent

Response (Emotion)

IntelligentOr

Ignorant

Thoughts vs. Feelings• Without feedback from the body, emotions are

indistinguishable from thoughts

Conscious mind contacts Limbic system for emotional reaction

Hypothalamus causes:

Person interprets the emotion according to situation (shakes, muscle tension, butterflies…)

Limbic System contacts Hypothalamus

-Release/inhibition of neurotransmitters-Hormones are pumped out-Heartbeat, blood pressure, etc. altered

Emotional Intelligence and MinistryEI and the mental process

Effective learning for emotional competence has to retune mental circuits and make them work for and not against you.

How to Incorporate EI?

“EI Ministry Change Model”

ACCEPTPEOPLE…

ADMIT NEEDFOR CHANGE

TRANS-FORMATION

EXPANDEI HORIZON

STRATEGYFOR CHANGE

EI Progress & Success

EMO

TIO

NAL

INTE

LLIG

ENC

E D

EVEL

OP…

“A strong man knows how to use his strength, but a person with knowledge is even more powerful.”Proverbs 24:5 (GW)

SIX EI PASTORAL LEADERSHIP STYLES

The leader modus operandi

The style in phase

Underlying emotional intelligence tendencies

When the style works best

Overall impact on climate

VISIONARYVISIONARY

Mobilizes people toward a vision

“Come with me.”

Self-confidence, empathy, change catalyst

Strongly PositiveStrongly Positive

COACHINGCOACHING

Develops people for the future

“Try this.”

Developing others, empathy, self-awareness

To help an employee improve performance or develop long-term strengths

Positive Positive

AFFILIATIVEAFFILIATIVE DEMOCRATICDEMOCRATIC

Creates harmony builds emotional bonds

Forges consensus through participation

Sets high standards for performance

“People come first.”

“What do you think?”

“Do as I do, now!”

Empathy, building relationship, communication

Empathy, building relationship, communication

Conscien-tiousness, drive to achieve, initiative

To heal rifts in a team or to motivate people during stressful circumstances

To build buy-in or consensus, or to get input from valuable employees

To get quick results from a highly motivated and competent team

PositivePositive PositivePositive NegativeNegative

COMMANDINGCOMMANDING

Demands immediate compliance

“Do what I tell you!”

Drive to achieve, initiative, self control

In a crisis to kick start a turnaround, or with problem employees

NegativeNegative

PACESETTINGPACESETTING

When changes require a new vision, when a clear direction is needed

Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your Ministry

SUMMARYPastor Alpha’s EI Growth

STEP 1: Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your MinistryOnly about 20 percent of a given group of people are committed to personal change.

Often it takes a crisis to bring about the realization that a leader is having problems and needs to change.

Change must begin with the person.

People learn what they want to learn and when they want to learn it.

Pastor Alpha must have the interest, motivation, and commitment to see the need and admit the deficit in his ministry.

Helpful indicators of need to changeFrequent disagreementsLack of cooperationFeelings of isolationAnxietyDisruption of devotional lifeLowering of spiritual standardsConstant reoccurrence of career roadblocks

Pastor Alpha can develop the ability to spiritually discern personal danger areas.

STEP 1: Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your Ministry

Make a Decision to Change

SUMMARYPastor Alpha’s EI Growth

Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your Ministry

I hear...and I forgetI see...and I rememberI do...and I understand

Chinese Proverb

Thirteen Pastoral Emotionally UnIntelligent Practices

Criticism

Dictatorship

Failing to listen

Failing to communicate

Inferior attitude

Lack of delegation

Manipulation

Mind blind to idiosyncrasies

Unconscious to personal faults

Negativity

Projects before people

Rigidity

Superior attitude

Crucial: These are emotions and actions that Pastor Alpha needs to avoid.

STEP 2: Note EI Benefits & Make a Decision to Change

Spiritual discipline

The Holy Spirit can nourish leaders through prayer, Bible study, service, stewardship, and fellowship with believers.

Spiritual discipline provides the energy and authenticity to achieve the positive effects of emotional intelligence.

If necessary, get a confidential partner . . .

Emotional intelligence is a primary tool to effect authentic relational improvements in a spiritual leader.

STEP 2: Note EI Benefits & Make a Decision to Change

Decide what You Want to Do/Be and Make a Decision to

Change

SUMMARYPastor Alpha’s EI Growth

Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your Ministry-Good & Bad

Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability

Acknowledging your/others strengths and weaknesses

without condemnation is a key sign of Emotional Intelligence.

STEP 3: Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability

Three-part change strategy (HIT):

1 – Honestly assess (get input) your current EI state.

2 – Imagine your desired EI goal or ideal state.

3 – Target/implement plan to achieve ideal EI state.

Hope+Obedience+Providence+EI= CHANGE

Current State

Current State

Ideal State

Ideal State

GoalGoal

Implementation Plan

Implementation Plan

EvaluationEvaluation

Tension

STEP 3: Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability

Powerful Techniques/Principlesthat can Make an EI Difference

BARE Emotional Necessities

Balance: Accept head & heart tension—decision

Awareness: Recognize & accept your own emotions

Responsibility: Own motivating fears & desires

Empathy: Identify with others feelings, dilemmas, be aware & be sensitive

HALT Attack Signals

•Hungry: Be aware of health & physical condition

•Angry: Be careful-mad/bad emotions

•Lonely: Be in tune to vulnerability sting

•Tired: Be wary of fatigue & low energy

It is good to breathe deeply in the open air.

We do not need more than several minutes a day, but it is vital.

This is needed on the inside – about six glasses a day between meals. And on the outside – bathing or showering regularly

It is equally important to get adequate rest. The batteries must

be recharged.

Most sicknesses originate in a disturbed mind. The relationship between a troubled mind and a

diseased body is real. When we trust God we experience peace of mind.

Modern man has neglected this very important feature of healthful living.

This neglect has resulted in much disease. Brisk walking daily for at least 20 minutes

is the best exercise.

True temperance is moderation in that which is good, and total

abstinence in that which is harmful.

Correct eating is vital. We are what we eat.

“CREATION” ModelFlorida Hospital/Celebration Health Approach

Powerful Techniques/Principlesthat can Make an EI Difference

BARE Emotional Necessities

Balance: Accept head & heart tension—decision

Awareness: Recognize & accept your own emotions

Responsibility: Own motivating fears & desires

Empathy: Identify with others feelings, dilemmas, be aware & be sensitive

PFAT Self and Group Scan

•Physical: Heart, mouth, palms, teeth

•Feelings: Anxious, tense, defensive, scared, worried

•Appearance: Yell, glaring, lunging, bawl, avoiding, sheepish

•Thinking: Protest, defending, discredit, redeeming, denying

HALT Attack Signals

•Hungry: Be aware of health & physical condition

•Angry: Be careful of mad/bad motives

•Lonely: Be in tune to vulnerability sting

•Tired: Be wary of fatigue & low energy

Workshops/Seminars

Minimalresults

Post-Session Training

Some behavioral results

IndividualDevelop-ment

Sustained individual performance improvement

Integrated Initiatives with Coaching Measurement

Critical mass for sustained group performance improvement

OrganizationaInterven-tions

Sustained organizationalimprovement

Improving and sustaining Emotional Intelligence takes a concerted effort; it’s like losing weight —you will see results but you can never let up!

STEP 3: Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability

Make a change before it’s too LATE.L - Learn the EI Concepts

A - Assess Yourself Honestly

T - Target Strategic Areas for Improvement; Trust a friend to support, hold accountable

E - Embrace the Development Tip; Resources: Bible, SP, Other counseling; Then stick with the process—don’t give up!

Remember, it is effortful; let it be an adventure!

STEP 3: Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability

Decide what You Want to Do/Be and Make a Decision to Change

SUMMARYPastor Alpha’s EI Growth Plan

Evaluate/Pay Attention to Your Ministry-Good & Bad

Implement Plan to Change, take Immediate Action with Accountability

Pastor Alpha has acted on the three steps for positive change and has started to see progress:

He realized his unawareness of his own emotions.

He decided to make and change and prayed about it.

He now focuses more on the moment and on people.

He asks for feedback on his emotions and actions.

He has increased his emotional self-awareness and self-control through deliberate self-assessment.

He has increased the level of teamwork and collaboration.

Pastor Alpha’s Solution!

By the grace of God though the power of the Holy Spirit, coupled with personal effort, Pastor Alpha has change and his ministry is transformed!

Helpful Resources

Resources on EI LEADERSHIPResources on EI LEADERSHIP

Resources on LEADERSHIPResources on LEADERSHIP

Resources on Self ImprovementResources on Self Improvement

Leadership Classic:Servant LeadershipRobert Greenleaf

Leadership Classic:Christian Leadership

Ellen White

Resources on Servant LEADERSHIPResources on Servant LEADERSHIP

Dr. Delbert W. BakerOffice of the President

Oakwood College7000 Adventist Blvd., N.W.Huntsville, Alabama 35896

(256) 726-7334www.oakwood.edu