Trade drafts with someone in your issue group and read it.Trade drafts with someone in your issue group and read it.Highlight or mark (in different colors) sentences that show Highlight or mark (in different colors) sentences that show

• Supporting argumentsSupporting arguments

• Significant EVIDENCE/ELABORATION: important details, Significant EVIDENCE/ELABORATION: important details, examples, anecdotes, facts, statistics, reasons, or quotations.examples, anecdotes, facts, statistics, reasons, or quotations.

• Opposing argumentsOpposing arguments

• Refutation of opposing argumentRefutation of opposing argument

Put a question mark next to any idea, sentence, or piece of Put a question mark next to any idea, sentence, or piece of evidence that does evidence that does notnot fit one of the categories above. fit one of the categories above.

Put a Put a ØØ next to any fallacy you find (use handout). next to any fallacy you find (use handout).Evaluate the arguments he or she gives. Evaluate the arguments he or she gives.

• Are they clear, convincing, and well-supported with evidence? Are they clear, convincing, and well-supported with evidence?

• Where are they weak? Where are they weak?

• What still needs more development with more or better evidence?What still needs more development with more or better evidence?

Write down questions you have about the ideas of the draft.Write down questions you have about the ideas of the draft.

OrganizationOrganization

Rubric—ORGANIZATIONRubric—ORGANIZATION

Thoughtful structure guides reader through textThoughtful structure guides reader through text—matches writing task—matches writing task

Body contains well-organized ¶s: 1) explain and Body contains well-organized ¶s: 1) explain and support the writer’s position; 2) give opposing support the writer’s position; 2) give opposing arguments; 3) refute opposing arguments.arguments; 3) refute opposing arguments.

Design smoothly embedded in textDesign smoothly embedded in textEach paragraph TEACHes the reader.Each paragraph TEACHes the reader.Strong introduction that has a hook and Strong introduction that has a hook and

introduces the issue introduces the issue Appropriate sense of closure that worksAppropriate sense of closure that worksStrong, thoughtful transitionsStrong, thoughtful transitions

Organization CheckOrganization Check Read through your draft.Read through your draft. Make sure the paragraphs are organized in the Make sure the paragraphs are organized in the

following order: following order:

1)1) explain and support the writer’s position;explain and support the writer’s position;

2)2) give opposing arguments; give opposing arguments;

3)3) refute opposing arguments.refute opposing arguments. Put a question mark next to any part that does fit Put a question mark next to any part that does fit

one of the categories above.one of the categories above.

Each paragraph should T T EE AA CC HH

the reader.

TTopic SentenceThe topic sentence informs the reader The topic sentence informs the reader of the subject of the paragraph. It does of the subject of the paragraph. It does for the paragraph what the for the paragraph what the introduction does for the whole essay. introduction does for the whole essay. It can also serve as a transition from the It can also serve as a transition from the previous paragraph.previous paragraph.

Example: Example: There are several reasons why There are several reasons why conserving water is necessary.conserving water is necessary.

EEvidence/ EElaborationFollowing the topic sentence the writer should Following the topic sentence the writer should then give examples, anecdotes, facts, concrete then give examples, anecdotes, facts, concrete details or quotations that supports the thesis details or quotations that supports the thesis and topic of the paragraph.and topic of the paragraph.

Example: Example: First, much of Southern California First, much of Southern California is a natural desert which means that it does not is a natural desert which means that it does not have enough rainfall to support the people who have enough rainfall to support the people who live there. In addition, drought conditions live there. In addition, drought conditions exist. Last year, only nine inches fell compared exist. Last year, only nine inches fell compared to the average rainfall of fifteen inches.to the average rainfall of fifteen inches.

AAnalysisEvery piece of evidence should be explained Every piece of evidence should be explained and carefully shown to relate to the topic and and carefully shown to relate to the topic and thesis. It answers the question “Why or how thesis. It answers the question “Why or how does this piece of evidence prove the thesis?” does this piece of evidence prove the thesis?” This is the real thinking part of the essay.This is the real thinking part of the essay.

Example: Example: Less rain leads to less water for Less rain leads to less water for drinking, bathing, washing, and farming. If drinking, bathing, washing, and farming. If people don’t waste water, but only take what people don’t waste water, but only take what they need it is more likely there will be enough they need it is more likely there will be enough to meet the necessities.to meet the necessities.

CConcluding SentenceJust as every paragraph needs an Just as every paragraph needs an introduction, it needs a conclusion. The introduction, it needs a conclusion. The concluding sentence closes discussion on the concluding sentence closes discussion on the paragraph’s topic.paragraph’s topic.

Example: Example: These are just some of the reasons These are just some of the reasons to conserve water.to conserve water.

HHappy or HHop Depending on the paragraph, you can Depending on the paragraph, you can celebrate finishing the paragraph, or set up celebrate finishing the paragraph, or set up to go to the next paragraph by providing a to go to the next paragraph by providing a transition. Transitions can occur at the end transition. Transitions can occur at the end of a paragraph or at the beginning of the of a paragraph or at the beginning of the paragraph.paragraph.

Example: Example: To be honest, there are very few open critics of To be honest, there are very few open critics of water conservation. Most people believe that using water water conservation. Most people believe that using water reasonably and responsibly is important. reasonably and responsibly is important.

• TTopic Sentence

• EElaboration/Evidence

• AAnalysis

• CConcluding Sentence

• HHappy or Hop (transition)

There are several reasons why conserving water is necessary.There are several reasons why conserving water is necessary. First, First, much of Southern California is a natural desert which means that it much of Southern California is a natural desert which means that it does not have enough rainfall to support the people who live there. does not have enough rainfall to support the people who live there. Last year, only nine inches fell compared to the average rainfall of Last year, only nine inches fell compared to the average rainfall of fifteen inches.fifteen inches. Less rain leads to less water for drinking, bathing, Less rain leads to less water for drinking, bathing, washing, and farming.washing, and farming. Second, in addition to less rain, more Second, in addition to less rain, more communities are being developed and more people are moving to communities are being developed and more people are moving to California. Over the past eight years, the U.S. Census Bureau has California. Over the past eight years, the U.S. Census Bureau has estimated that California’s population has increased by 8.5%, estimated that California’s population has increased by 8.5%, approximately 3 million people.approximately 3 million people. More people means a need for More people means a need for more water. If people don’t waste water, but only take what they more water. If people don’t waste water, but only take what they need it is more likely there will be enough to meet the necessities of need it is more likely there will be enough to meet the necessities of everyone.everyone. Finally, due to the water shortage, water companies have Finally, due to the water shortage, water companies have raised water rates. The Metropolitan Water District raised their raised water rates. The Metropolitan Water District raised their rates by 20% this year and are planning to raise rates more next rates by 20% this year and are planning to raise rates more next year.year. Higher rates means higher bills for customers unless they cut Higher rates means higher bills for customers unless they cut back on how much water they use.back on how much water they use. These are just some of the These are just some of the reasons to conserve water.reasons to conserve water.

To be honest, there are very few open critics of water conservation. To be honest, there are very few open critics of water conservation. Most people believe that using water reasonably and responsibly is Most people believe that using water reasonably and responsibly is important.important. However, water conservation is an issue where people’s However, water conservation is an issue where people’s actions don’t match their words.actions don’t match their words. For example, how many times For example, how many times have you seen water running down the street because a homeowner have you seen water running down the street because a homeowner has set their sprinklers to run too long or to overshoot a lawn? How has set their sprinklers to run too long or to overshoot a lawn? How many of us like to linger in the shower or leave the water running as many of us like to linger in the shower or leave the water running as you brush your teeth? Have you ever ordered water at a restaurant you brush your teeth? Have you ever ordered water at a restaurant and left most of it in the glass to be thrown away? Though most and left most of it in the glass to be thrown away? Though most people talk a good game, often water conservation takes a back seat people talk a good game, often water conservation takes a back seat to other wants or habits. to other wants or habits. To excuse their poor habits, some say that To excuse their poor habits, some say that the water they are wasting is minor, a drop in the bucket compared the water they are wasting is minor, a drop in the bucket compared with all the water out there.with all the water out there. Others say that the drought conditions Others say that the drought conditions have been over-exaggerated in order to force people to believe they have been over-exaggerated in order to force people to believe they must conserve water.must conserve water. Some suspect that water utilities are using the Some suspect that water utilities are using the drought to raise rates higher than necessary to increase their drought to raise rates higher than necessary to increase their revenues.revenues. They use these arguments to resist conservation efforts.They use these arguments to resist conservation efforts.

Fortunately, these opposing arguments are easily addressed.Fortunately, these opposing arguments are easily addressed. First, the “drop First, the “drop in the bucket” argument is easily disproved. Statistics presented by the in the bucket” argument is easily disproved. Statistics presented by the Mohave Water Agency and the American Water Works Association show that Mohave Water Agency and the American Water Works Association show that the average American uses 140-170 gallons of water per day. Showering and the average American uses 140-170 gallons of water per day. Showering and bathing are the largest indoor uses (27%). The average five-minute shower bathing are the largest indoor uses (27%). The average five-minute shower takes fifteen to twenty gallons of water, while around forty gallons are used in takes fifteen to twenty gallons of water, while around forty gallons are used in ten minutes. You use about five gallons of water if you leave the water ten minutes. You use about five gallons of water if you leave the water running while brushing your teeth. In addition to personal use, landscaping running while brushing your teeth. In addition to personal use, landscaping accounts for about half the water Californians use at home. A leaky accounts for about half the water Californians use at home. A leaky sprinkler or faucet can lose 100 gallons a day.sprinkler or faucet can lose 100 gallons a day. Obviously, the drops add up to Obviously, the drops add up to more than one bucket.more than one bucket. Secondly, though utility companies may be taking Secondly, though utility companies may be taking advantage of the drought to line their coffers, the fact remains that drought advantage of the drought to line their coffers, the fact remains that drought conditions persist. The California State Department of Water Resources conditions persist. The California State Department of Water Resources Drought Report (Sep 2010) states that “water years 2007-09 were the 12th Drought Report (Sep 2010) states that “water years 2007-09 were the 12th driest three-year period in the state’s measured hydrologic record” (11). In driest three-year period in the state’s measured hydrologic record” (11). In addition, the report demonstrated that from 1906 to the present, there has addition, the report demonstrated that from 1906 to the present, there has been a decline of 10% in the water runoff that feeds our rivers.been a decline of 10% in the water runoff that feeds our rivers. Clearly, the Clearly, the drought has not been fabricated and blaming the utility companies for drought has not been fabricated and blaming the utility companies for corruption will not add one drop of water to a dwindling supply. corruption will not add one drop of water to a dwindling supply. The only The only choice is to conserve.choice is to conserve.

Body Organization CheckGo through your essay and highlight/label each sentence Go through your essay and highlight/label each sentence

according to its job. according to its job.

• TTopic Sentenceopic Sentence

• EElaboration/Evidencelaboration/Evidence

• AAnalysisnalysis

• CConcluding Sentenceoncluding Sentence

• HHappy appy or or HHop (for this activity use the H to mark op (for this activity use the H to mark transition sentences; if the topic or concluding sentences transition sentences; if the topic or concluding sentences also serve as transitions, then mark the H next to the T or also serve as transitions, then mark the H next to the T or C)C)

Put a question mark next to any sentence that doesn’t Put a question mark next to any sentence that doesn’t seem to have a job.seem to have a job.

Body Organization EvaluationBody Organization EvaluationEvaluate each of the sentences you’ve labeled. Evaluate each of the sentences you’ve labeled.

• Does the sentence effectively do its job?Does the sentence effectively do its job?• Does it repeat something that has already been Does it repeat something that has already been

said?said?• Which sentences are weak?Which sentences are weak?• What parts of the paragraph are missing?What parts of the paragraph are missing?• What still needs to be added?What still needs to be added?

Look at each sentence with a question mark. Is Look at each sentence with a question mark. Is that sentence really needed or does it distract that sentence really needed or does it distract from the argument and organization?from the argument and organization?

Revise your body paragraphs to strengthen Revise your body paragraphs to strengthen Organization.Organization.

Introduction—Introduction—

A.A.Hook the reader with a Hook the reader with a 1.1. Detailed descriptionDetailed description2.2. Amusing or shocking anecdoteAmusing or shocking anecdote3.3. Provocative questionProvocative question4.4. Clever quotationClever quotation5.5. Shocking statisticShocking statistic

B.B. Give Give briefbrief background on the issue background on the issue and define what it is.and define what it is.

C.C.State clearly what the issue is and State clearly what the issue is and where you stand on it (Thesis)where you stand on it (Thesis)

A hot dry and dusty wind blows through the middle of Mendota, A hot dry and dusty wind blows through the middle of Mendota, California. Although it’s in the middle of the week, the farmers California. Although it’s in the middle of the week, the farmers and field hands sit around passing the time. A year ago they and field hands sit around passing the time. A year ago they would have been working in the fields, sowing, weeding, and would have been working in the fields, sowing, weeding, and eventually harvesting melons, grapes, onions, and many other eventually harvesting melons, grapes, onions, and many other crops. But with no water, nothing grows and nobody works.crops. But with no water, nothing grows and nobody works. The The multi-year drought in Southern California has taken its toll on multi-year drought in Southern California has taken its toll on plants, animals, and humans and there doesn’t seem to be an end plants, animals, and humans and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. Comfortable in their suburban and urban dwellings, in sight. Comfortable in their suburban and urban dwellings, residents often don’t observe firsthand the savage effects of residents often don’t observe firsthand the savage effects of drought on the land and the people who make their living from it. drought on the land and the people who make their living from it. But eventually the effects of drought will make their way in the But eventually the effects of drought will make their way in the lives of everyone in California, in much of the nation, and even in lives of everyone in California, in much of the nation, and even in the world, since California is one of the leading food producers.the world, since California is one of the leading food producers. As human beings we have little control over rainfall, but we can As human beings we have little control over rainfall, but we can do our part. do our part. We must conserve our water to mitigate the effects of We must conserve our water to mitigate the effects of our climate, provide for everyone’s needs, and avoid costly our climate, provide for everyone’s needs, and avoid costly penalties.penalties. Conserving water is more than a nice idea; it has Conserving water is more than a nice idea; it has become a necessity.become a necessity.

Conclusion: Conclusion:

A.A. Sum up what you have said in Sum up what you have said in support of your standsupport of your stand

B.B. End memorablyEnd memorably

1.1. Plea for actionPlea for action

2.2. PredictionPrediction

3.3. Memorable quotationMemorable quotation

In conclusion, although conservation can seem In conclusion, although conservation can seem inconvenient or even impossible to some, it is inconvenient or even impossible to some, it is necessary to help California survive. necessary to help California survive. The ongoing The ongoing drought, the rise in population, and the increased drought, the rise in population, and the increased rates make water conservation the best option of rates make water conservation the best option of maintaining our way of lifemaintaining our way of life.. Please do your part to Please do your part to conserve water. Take shorter showers. Turn off conserve water. Take shorter showers. Turn off the water while brushing your teeth. Skip refilling the water while brushing your teeth. Skip refilling your swimming pool. Fix leaking faucets and your swimming pool. Fix leaking faucets and make sure your sprinklers aren’t watering cement. make sure your sprinklers aren’t watering cement. If we all take extra precautions, we can help If we all take extra precautions, we can help farmers keep the water they need to grow our food farmers keep the water they need to grow our food and support their families.and support their families. If we don’t, we just may If we don’t, we just may find ourselves facing not only a drought, but a find ourselves facing not only a drought, but a famine too.famine too.

Thesis: Thesis: We must conserve our water to mitigate the We must conserve our water to mitigate the effects of our climate, provide for everyone’s effects of our climate, provide for everyone’s needs, and avoid costly penalties.needs, and avoid costly penalties.

HOMEWORK: HOMEWORK:

Revise again for IDEAS using the feedback given to you in peer Revise again for IDEAS using the feedback given to you in peer evaluation.evaluation.

Revise your draft for ORGANIZATION:Revise your draft for ORGANIZATION:

1.1. Order the body paragraphs according to the pattern: 1) Order the body paragraphs according to the pattern: 1) explain and support the writer’s position; 2) give opposing explain and support the writer’s position; 2) give opposing arguments; 3) refute opposing arguments.arguments; 3) refute opposing arguments.

2.2. Add sentences so that every part of the paragraph is present Add sentences so that every part of the paragraph is present (TEACH). (TEACH).

3.3. Fix or replace unnecessary or ineffective sentences with Fix or replace unnecessary or ineffective sentences with strong ones.strong ones.

4.4. Eliminate any sentence that doesn’t contribute to the overall Eliminate any sentence that doesn’t contribute to the overall sense and effectiveness of the organization.sense and effectiveness of the organization.

5.5. Write an introduction and a conclusion using the pattern Write an introduction and a conclusion using the pattern given.given.

6.6. Print two newly revised copies of your essay and bring them Print two newly revised copies of your essay and bring them to class tomorrow.to class tomorrow.