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translation

nobody moved my cheese–The advantages of living alone in a few steps: to the outside of your parents’ house–

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nobody moved my cheese

–The advantages of living alone in a few steps: to the outside of your parents’ house–

illustrated byRafael Duque

introduction

After extensive research, we identified the three most common types of adult child whohaven’t left their parents’ houses yet.

We then developed an in-depth study based on gratuitous speculation, fiction and humor,

which is not intended to offend anyone.

The title of this book is a parody of the titleof the book Who Moved my Cheese?

by Spencer Johnson .

summary

1. The Dreamer

2. Throwing Parties

3. Adopt Strange Habits that You Didn’t Even Know You Liked

4. Beverages that Can Be Drunk Straight from the Bottle

5. Manual: How to Have a Life-Size Chewbacca at Home in Just Seven Steps

6. Naked is the New Normal

7. Have that Strange Pet that You’ve Always Wanted

8. You Won’t Have to Share the TV with Anyone

9. Be the Neighborhood Greenpeace, PETA or WWF

10. Transform Your Home into a Nature Reserve

11. In the Beginning, Living on Your Own Can Cause Insomnia

12. Everything is Yours

13. That Architecture Project You Designed When You Were Eight Can Finally Become a Reality

14. Invite Over Who You Want, Whenever You Want

15. Your Mail Will Not Have Been Opened When You Get Home

16. Definitive List of Phrases that You’ll Never Hear Again (At Least Until You Get Married)

17. Eat What You Want Whenever You Want

18. Going to the Grocery Store

19. You Won’t Have to Deal with Your Parents Dropping Hints Anymore

20. Clean the House Only When You Feel Like It

21. But You’ll Need to Clean Sometime

22. All of the Rooms in Your Home Will Have an Echo

23. Nobody Will Move Your Cheese

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the dreamerHe chose to wait. Wait until he got married to move out of his parents’ house.

1.

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• You have to deal with the reproachful stare from that ex-military neighbor.

• Your crush who lives in the building might discover that you have another crush living in the building.

• You have to clean up while drunk.

• There is a time limit.

• No one judges you (just your decor).

• You can invite crushes that don’t livein the building.

• You can clean the mess later.

• The next day, you trip over your friendswho crashed on your living room floor.

at the party room:

at the apartment:

throwing partiesCondo party room vs. apartment

2.

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• Come up with your own style that includes wrinkled clothes.

• Do a time-lapse video of the mold growing on the stack of dishesin the sink.

• Replace all of the food in your freezer with popsicles.

• Dry yourself naturally by walkingaround naked in the apartment.

3.adopt strange habits that you didn’t even know you liked

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Answer: all of them.

4.beverages that can be drunk straight from the bottle

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5.manual: how to have a life-size chewbacca at home in just seven steps

1. Fly to Comic Con in San Diego.

2. Wait for the actor dressed asChewbacca to leave a talk.

3. Knock out the actor.

4. Drag him to the airport.

5. Pretend he’s a fur coat when you go through security.

6. Place him in your suitcase.

7. Presto! You now have a life-size Chewbacca at home.

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6.naked is the new normal

If, in the past, you only got naked to take a shower, go to the bathroom, or at most, sleep, now you will find that there are many other things you can do in your birthday suit. Play video games, change light bulbs and wash the dishes, for example.* No one is going to complain. Well, maybe your neighbors in the building across the street.

*Yes, that too.

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7.have that strange pet that you’ve always wanted

This is the right time to start questioning your parents’ opinion that having a Komodo dragon as a pet isn’t a good idea and finally adopt one. Just don’t forget to always take it for walks and change its newspapers daily (Komodo dragons are well-informed animals).

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8.you won’t have to share the tv with anyone

There is a zero percent chance that you will have to watch cartoons when you want to watch educational programs. Also, no one will sit next to you and start zapping channels during the most important scene of your favorite Netflix series, right when Walter White dies. Oops, was that a spoiler? Well when you live on your own, you also won’t hear any spoilers.

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9.be the neighborhood greenpeace, peta or wwf

Adopt every homeless puppy, kitten and baby pigeon you come across on the street and turn your home into Noah’s ark. Just be careful not to turn your apartment into a food-chain experiment.

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10.transform your home intoa nature reserve

Being the cat lady is so yesterday. Be the plant lady. Plants in the living room, plants in the bathroom, plants in the kitchen, plants in the basement, plants into other plants. Make a map of your home so you don’t get lost in your domestic jungle and end up stumbling across an indigenous tribe in your study room.

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11.in the beginning, living on your own can cause insomnia

It’s normal to be worried. You hear strange noises and should you suffer an accident or someone decide to rob the house, no one will be there to help you. But don’t worry. We have made a list of questions that can keep you up at three in the morning.

do fishes fart?

Answer: not only do they fart, they use their flatulence as a form of communication.

if I buy a truck, will it come in a truck?

Answer: if you buy a small truck, it will comein a large truck.

how much time do I waste sneezing?

Answer: five days and 20 hours. Less time than the time the scientists wasted conducting this useless research.

does a helicopter have a horn?

Answer: yes, because horns are extremely useful when they are stuck in air traffic.

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12.everything is yours

When you live on your own, you own more than just your room. You have a living room that you can decorate as ugly as you want without anyone judging you and a fridge of your own with food that no one will touch. You’ll also have a sink full of dirty dishes for you to wash, a hamper stuffed with dirty laundry for you to wash, and a mess only yours for you to clean up. No one said that living on your own didn’t have its downsides.

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13.that architecture project you designed when you were eight can finally become a reality

When you live on your own, your creativityis the limit. Well, that and the square footage of your first apartment. Can you replace the couch with an inflatable pool to watch Netflix? Why not? Can you transform a whole room into a ball pit? Yes, you can.

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14.invite over who you want, whenever you want

Including your girlfriends, without your mother putting them through an inquisition. Questions like, “What do you do for a living?”, “What do you want with my son?”, “What’s your favorite color? Favorite movie? A dream?” or “Is most matter made up of hydrogen or oxygen?” will no longer be frequently asked.

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15.your mail will no longer have been opened when you get home

There is a zero percent chance that your mother will say, “Honey, you got mail.” And then add, “You spent 500 bucks on video games last month?”

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16.definitive list of phrases that you’ll never hear again (at least until you get married)

1. We’ll talk about this when we get home.

2. Where are you going?

3. Who are you going with?

4. When will you be back?

5. I’m going to count to three…

6. You are not the only person in the world.

7. If I find it there, I’ll rub it in your face.

8. Go ahead, break it. It wasn’t your money that bought it.

9. I didn’t carry you for nine months for you to do that.

10. Will that be all, madam?

11. I have to do everything in this house.

12. Turn down the volume of that man screamingin your room.

13. This isn’t a room, it’ a pigsty.

14. The only reason you haven’t lost your head is because it’s attached to your body.

15. When you have children, you’ll thank me.

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17.eat what you want whenever you want

Your new diet will be rich in leftover pizzas, frozen meals and ramen noodles. You’ll becomea contemporary cuisine master chef and, at two in the morning, you’ll prepare a dish that includes bread, jam, fried eggs, mayonnaise and peanut butter without having anybody give you a hard time.OK, maybe your stomach will.

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18.going to the grocery store

It’s important to plan your grocery shopping days ahead of time so you don’t run out of money at the end of the month. By following this simple step-by-step tutorial, you’ll learn how to better manage your budget during your next trip to the supermarket:

1. Make a list with everything you would like to have in your fridge.

2. Then, throw it out.

3. Be creative with the money you have left over from paying your bills.

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19.you won’t have to deal with your parents dropping hints anymore

Like that birthday cake with a message that reads, “You’re now 30, it’s time to move out.” Or those ten windows that were left unceremoniously open on your computer, all of which have one bedroom apartments being advertised on ZAP. Or this book.

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20.clean the house when you feel like it

You can clean your house according to WTHYW standards: Whenever The Heck You Want. No one will ever tell you when it’s time to wash the dishes or take out the trash. Your organization criteria can be the same as your Tinder criteria (none).

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21.but you’ll need to clean sometime

You’ll find that, before your landlord finds out that you are subletting the property to three different species of cockroaches, you better clean the apartment. When you start cleaning, you’ll realize that purchasing cleaning products was harder than you thought (yes, they do exist). Should this occur, pretend you know what you are doing and call your mother. Or read another book from our collection: The Secret of Fitted Sheets.

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22.all of the rooms in your home will have an echo

Until you’re able to furnish the entire place, all of the rooms will have an echo. You’ll never feel alone as long as you hear a voice that agrees with absolutely everything you say.

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23.nobody will move your cheese

Now that you’re familiar with the upsides of living on your own, you are finally ready to be (ir)responsible for your own home. So go to www.zapimoveis.com.br and choose the best place to where you can move your cheese. And your Komodo dragon.

Check out the ZAP Hint Books Collection.

nobody moved my cheesethe fault in our studies

the secret of fitted sheets

Little hints to get your adult child to finally move out of their parent’s house.

zapimoveis.com.brYour real estate specialist.

– There are many dreamers who believe that certain things only can happen after they get married. Moving out of their parents’ house, for example. In the book Nobody Moved My Cheese , they’ll find out that they don’t have to wait for the right key to their lock to move out –