vol 8 issue 38

A FIRST IN FLATBUSH

FLATBUSHBUSINESSES

ARE GETTING

EXPOSUREOur ever-growingcommunities

deserve their own all-inclusive phonebook:

Our book will list all local business that serve the Jewish Flatbush communities in a user-friendly format.

Our listing will compile all Flatbush area neighborhoods, Marine Park, Midwood, Sheepshead Bay and more.

Our community pages will feature an exclusive detailed section of all Flatbush Religious & Chesed organizations.

Our distribution will reach every Flatbush home and business, to gain you maximum exposure to consumers.

Our digital e-book will be distributed to over 150,000 people throughout the NY and NJ areas.

Our website www.searchflatbush.com will enable you to SEARCH for Flatbush businesses & will serve as an attractive business resource.

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6/2/148

C A T S K I L L S

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ATTENTION CATSKILLSBUSINESS OWNERS

RESERVE

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ADS NOW!

Our catskill section will be running the entire summer

and will be heavily distributed throughout the mountains including door-to-door in many bungalow colonies

Our first issue will Iyh be distributed week of June 26th

Our catskill section will be running the entire summer

and will be heavily distributed throughout the mountains

including door-to-door in many bungalow colonies

Call today: 347.787.1838 or email us at: [email protected]

CALLFOR

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. BROOKLYN LOCATION ONLY



6/2/1410

[email protected]

Summer,spend it wherever you want!

Zalmy Leifer

[email protected]

718.972.2442 845.425.3355.

Thro

ug

h

have a safe trip

.F L I G H T R E S E R V A T I O N S H O T E L S C A R S C E L L P H O N E S. .

Thro

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have a safe trip

FOR CHOOSING

US TO PLAN

YOUR TRIP

flightreservations hotels cellphones cars

Weekly link



6/2/1412

Welcomespring!

Lets hit the road!

Shragie SchWartz

718.851.6000 1783 45th St.

Brooklyn, NY 11219



for the summer

DR. MELINDA KELLER

BORO PARK CHIROPRACTOR

More and more parents are seeking chiropractic care for their children. Many spinal problems seen in adults begin as early as birth. Irritation to the nervous system caused by spinal misalignment can be the cause of many health complaints. Colic, breathing problems, sleep disturbances, allergies, chronic infections , ADHD, headaches and postural weaknesses can often be traced to nervous system stress. As a child begins to participa te in regular childhood activities like skating or riding a bike, small yet signicant spinal misalignments(Subluxations) may occur. If neglected, the injuries during this period of growth may lead to more serious problems later in life. Misalignments lead to impaired nervous system function and any interference to the vital nerve system aects the body's ability to function at it's best. It is important to understand that Chiropractors do not treat disease or symptoms. The expertise of the Chiropractor is in checking the spine for misalignment that impair nervous system function therefore impairing overall body function. The bones of the spine, the vertebrae, house and protect the spinal cord. The spinal cord is an extension of the brain and carries information from the brain to the body parts and back to the brain again. Subluxations interfere with the body's ability to transmit this information. The Chiropractic adjustment restores nerve system function allowing the body the ability to express a greater state of health and well being. Where it is very common for parents to have their child checked regularly by their dentist and eye doctor, most parents have no knowledge of the importance of checking the child's nervous system.

On June 8th, Dr. Melinda Keller will begin oering complimentary spinal evaluations and adjustments to all children from birth to 8 years of age at no charge. This will continue on the second Sunday of each month from 8-11am. The oce is located at 5911-16th Ave. Children will be cared for in the order in which they arrive.

OFFERS CHILDREN CARE AT NO FEE



6/2/1414



6/2/1416

5303 12th AveNew

location



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6/2/1418

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For information and application call 718-438-0639

BUSY BEES Playgroup



6/2/1420

At-a-glance

Americans spend twice as much on health care per capita than any other country in the world; more than 17 percent of US gross domestic product, or $2.7 trillion dollars every year, is spent on health care

Despite all of this spending and pill-popping, the US ranks dead last in terms of quality of care among industrial-ized countries, and Americans are far sicker and live shorter lives than people in other nations

A review of US healthcare expenses revealed that 30 cents of every dollar spent on medical care is wasted, adding up to $750 billion annually. Major areas of waste include excess administra-

tive costs, inflated prices, and fraud

Generic medications can cost 100 times less than their brand-name equivalent, and usually cost less than most insurance co-pays. This means you might actually pay LESS by purchasing a generic medication out of pocket

Most diagnostic tests and procedures are inexpensive to perform. However, the charges for these tests and procedures typically have no relation to the actual cost. Hospitals routinely bill 10 or more times what they expect to be paid

Judaism generally views medical treatment positively, even as an obliga-tion, based on several pesukim in the Torah. Understandably, seeking medical care has a price.

However, when it comes to spend-ing, Americans spend twice as much on health care per capita than any other country in the world; in fact, according to a series of studies by a renowned consulting firm, the US spends more on health care than the next

The True Cost of a Flawed Health Care Paradigm



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6/2/1422

- Tzippys Tidbits -

10 biggest spenders combined: Japan, Germany, France, China,

the U.K., Italy, Canada, Brazil, Spain, and Australia.

Other astounding statistics include:

The US spends more than 17 percent of our gross domestic product (GDP) on healthcare

If the US health care system was a country, it would be the 6th largest economy on the entire planet

While the US makes up only five percent of the worlds population, Americans consume over 50 percent of all the worlds pharmaceutical drugs

Overall, Americans also pay 50 percent more than other countries for identical drugs, as a result of laws and regulations preventing the US govern-ment from reining in drug prices like other nations do

Despite all of this spending and pill-popping, the US ranks dead last in terms of quality of care among industrial-ized countries, and Americans are far sicker and live shorter lives than people in other nations. Clearly, we have taken a wrong turn down the wrong road somewhere...

The US Health Care System Is Fundamentally Flawed

A review of US healthcare expenses by the Institutes of Medicine (IOM) revealed that 30 cents of every dollar spent on medical care is wasted, adding up to $750 billion annually. For perspec-tive, the defense budget proposed by the Pentagon for 2014 was just under $527 billion.

The IOM report identifies six major areas of medical waste: Unnecessary

services; inefficient delivery of care; excess administrative costs; inflated prices; prevention failures; and fraud.

The True Cost of Health Care

A documentary reveals a number of shocking details that help explain the exorbitant cost of American health care. For example:

Generic medications can cost 100 times less than their brand-name equiva-lent, and usually cost less than most insurance co-pays. This means you might actually pay LESS by purchasing a generic medication out of pocket, compared to using your insurance if you have a co-pay. In essence, going through your insurance amounts to paying extra for the privilege of being overcharged...

Hospitals routinely bill 10 or more times what they expect to be paid for any given service. Most hospitals end up receiving just 35 percent of what they bill, yet they still manage to make tens of millions of dollars in operating profits each year. Hospitals that are tougher in their negotiations with insurance com-panys end up getting around 50 percent of their total billings.

Most diagnostic tests and procedures are inexpensive to perform. However, the charges for these tests and procedures typically have no relation to the actual cost. Each hospital has an internal price list called a chargemaster, which contains every single item you may be given or come in contact with during your hospital stay. The problem is, no one quite knows how the prices in the chargemaster are created. What is clear is that theres absolutely no market feedback to regulate and control the prices that are charged.

Health insurance companies deliberately manipulate these costs



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Wishing All Our Customers A Freilichin Yom Tov



6/2/1424

- Tzippys Tidbits - - Tzippys Tidbits -

to maintain their profits.

The Chargemaster: What You Need to Know if You Want to Avoid Medical Bankruptcy

Each hospital has an internal price list called a chargemaster, which contains every single item you may be given or come in contact with during your hospital stay. That includes the little white paper cup you get your medicine in, every box of tissue and band-aid, even a toy to a child (which many mistake as a gift) can be billed at upwards of $200. The problem is, no one quite knows how the prices in the chargemaster are created. Whats worse, there seems to be no real rationale or process behind this impor-tant document.

There is no real marketplace as such, as you the buyer is completely separated from the seller. Theres abso-lutely no market feedback to regulate and control the prices that are charged. For the most part, the hospitals charge as much as they want, which plays a large role on why these charges have gotten so outrageously out of control. This simply doesnt happen in countries outside of the US.

In response, a small grassroots-type industry has emerged as a result of shell-shocked patients reaching out for help to understand their medical bills. Referring to themselves as medical-billing advocates, they help you not only read and understand the content of your bills, but also negotiate with the hospital to reduce the charges. The problem with that, of course, is: what about the people who dont realize they CAN bargain with a major hospital? And should we really accept bills of fiction to begin with?

Even with the help of a medical-billing advocate (who of course charges a fee for the service), many uninsured

patients still overpay. After all, getting a 50 percent discount on a test billed at $200, which should cost $15 is not necessarily a great bargain, although it s certainly an improvement if we only take fictional numbers into account. The sad thing is, as mentioned earlier, the over-charges are SO grossly inflated that even if you get the bill cut in half, the hospital still makes out like a bandit!

Conventional Medicine IsActually One of Your

Greatest Health Risks...

Theres no shortage of evidence that the US health care system is in need of urgent transformation. Over a decade ago, a professor of the University of To-ronto concluded that properly prescribed and correctly taken pharmaceutical drugs were the fourth leading cause of death in the US!

In 2000, the Institutes of Medicine reported that medical errors were the eighth leading cause of death in the US, killing between 44,000 and 98,000 people each year. This was followed by a 2003 article aptly titled Death by Medicine, which described in excruciating detail how the modern conventional American medical system has bumbled its way into becoming the leading cause of death and injury in the United States, claiming the lives of nearly 784,000 people annually!

These iatrogenic deaths (meaning deaths resulting from the activity of physicians) include everything from adverse drug reactions to medical errors, to hospital-acquired infections and sur-geries gone badincluding 37,000 deaths from unnecessary medical procedures. The authors took statistics straight from the most respected medical and scientific journals and investigative reports by the Institutes of Medicine (IOM), show-ing that on the whole, American medicine is causing more harm



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6/2/1426

- Tzippys Tidbits -

United States. In the majority of cases, youll likely find that you can prevent or resolve common health conditions by following these basic tenets of optimal health:

1. Eat a healthy diet focused on fresh, whole foods. Try to eat a large portion of your food raw. You want to pay careful attention to keeping your insulin levels down, which means avoiding sug-ars and grains of all kinds, and replacing the lost carbs with healthful fats. Also be mindful of your protein sources, making sure theyre of high quality. A high fat, moderate protein, low carb diet is likely to improve the health of most people.

2. Consume healthy fat. The science is loud and clear on this point: omega-3 fats are essential for optimal health. Unfortunately, most fish commercially available today are polluted with mer-cury, PCBs and other toxic substances, which is why it s recommended you take a supplement instead of getting it from your food. Other healthy fats include coconut oil, avocados, olives, olive oil, butter and macadamia nuts. All these fats are low in protein and carbs and will not impair insulin, leptin or mTOR.

3. Make clean, pure water your primary beverage, and steer clear of all sweetened and/or flavored beverages, including those that contain artificial sweeteners.

4. Manage your stress.

5. Exercise regularly. Ideally, you want a comprehensive fitness regimen that includes stretching, high intensity interval training, core strengthening exercises and strength training.

6. Get plenty of appropriate sun exposure to optimize your vitamin D levels naturally. UV exposure also has ad-ditional health benefits beyond vitamin

than good. In 2010, two additional published reports, showed just how

little things have changed since 2003. For example:

Out of 62 million death certifi-cates dated between 1976-2006, almost a quarter-million deaths were coded as having occurred in a hospital setting due to medication errors.

An estimated 450,000 prevent-able medication-related adverse events occur in the US every year.

The costs of adverse drug reac-tions to society are more than $136 billion annually -- greater than the total cost of cardiovascular or diabetic care.

Taking Control of Your Health Is Part of the Solution

Hundreds of thousands are killed by medical care itself, while others are walking around with far less than stellar health due to conventional treatments. Rates of chronic diseases are through the roof, and were facing epidemics of obesity, heart disease, diabetes, depression and too many others to list. As a whole, Americans are not healthy theyre tired, depressed, stressed out and often in pain.

Out of sheer desperation, many people have taken their health into their own hands by abandoning this fatally flawed medical model and embracing holistic modalities that can help heal on a body-wide level. It is through their many success stories that we can discern a clear way out of this flawed and outright deadly paradigm.

The more you take responsibility for your own health in the form of nurtur-ing your body to prevent disease the less you need to rely on the disease care that passes for health care in the



6/2/1428

- Tzippys Tidbits -

D production. A robust and growing body of research clearly shows that

vitamin D is absolutely critical for your health. 42 leading vitamin D researchers demonstrate how health can be achieved right now with whats known about vitamin D with a combination of vitamin D measurement and health outcome tracking.

7. Limit your exposure to toxins of all kinds. The number of toxic chemicals and their sources is so large, addressing them all could easily require an entire library, but you can help you keep your toxic load as low as possible by becoming an informed and vigilant consumer. This includes tossing out your toxic house-hold cleaners, soaps, personal hygiene products, air fresheners, bug sprays, lawn pesticides, and insecticides, just to name a few, and replacing them with non-toxic alternatives.

8. Get plenty of quality sleep. Scien-tists have discovered that your circadian rhythms regulate the energy levels in your cells. In addition, the proteins involved with your circadian rhythm and metabolism are intrinsically linked and dependent upon each other. Therefore, when your circadian rhythm is disrupted by lack of sleep, it can have a profound influence on your physical health.

Eight Things Your Grandparents Did That Could Save Your Life

For even more inspiration and guidance, check out the following eight forgotten wisdoms your grandparents adhered to that could quite literally save your life:

Grow your own food

Head to the kitchen and cook from scratch

Make your own cleaning products

Learn some home remedies

Discover the power of broth

Ferment your own foods

Firm up your social and close friend-ships

Spend time outside / Go barefoot

In the event you do need medical care, seek out a health care practitioner who will help you move toward complete wellness by helping you discover and understand the hidden causes of your health challenges, and create a custom-ized and comprehensive i.e. holistic treatment plan for you.

Whats more, you can have a posi-tive influence on your doctors tendency to recommend natural alternatives, as when you inquire about them, some health care providers do in fact listen and do the research. Remember, when you do go to the doctor, know that it s OK to ask questions and opt for less medical intervention while choosing a more natural way of healing your body. If your physician is not open to such options, it may be time to find one who is, who can help coach you and your family to take control of your health.

Disclaimer

The Weekly Link accepts no liability for the content of this article, or for the consequences of any actions taken on the basis of the information provided. Please take note that these tips are provided for your information and are not intended as medical advice. Please work with your health professional to determine whats right for you.



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to the Parshah

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1 Recipe instruction

4 Kid's cry

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10 Massage locale

13 Grazing ground

14 ___ and downs

15 No-win situation

16 Word after safety or bowling

17 Allow

18 ___ chi

19 Chimpanzee, for one

20 Space bar neighbor

21 Perfect flier, if all the heavens were this

25 Approx.

26 Angry

27 Black cat, to some

30 Lock opener

31 Pale

35 What to call the forests, if all the trees

were this

38 ______ Doodle went to town...

40 Government test (ask a fourth grader)

41 Action for a tail

42 Like some sushi

43 Suffix with form

44 Blastoff vehicle

46 Where to draw a bucketfull, if all

the waters were this

48 One who hasn't turned pro?

49 12th graders, Abbr.

50 Storyline

51 Garbage

54 Dieter's figure

56 Where everyone would live, if all

the people were this

61 ___-la-la

62 Antipollution org.

63 Lab rodent

64 Feverish

66 Showing fatigue

67 Early afternoon, on a sundial

68 ___ you sure?

69 Aye's opposite

70 Be decisive

71 Palindromic pita bread

72 ___ Aviv

73 Turn colors

DOWN

1 Every single one

2 Not shallow

3 Numbers to crunch

4 Silences, as a phone

5 Not together

6 Three oceans touch it

7 Like a cloudless night

8 Zoo heavyweight

9 Fancy footwear

10 Bridge

11 Heap

12 Kitchen pest

22 New York's ____ Station

23 Summer coolers

24 Swift __ __ eagle

27 Where to hear an aria

28 Honeydew, e.g.

29 Put into law

30 Beer barrel

32 Insignia of a pirate's flag

33 Name-tag word

34 Challah ingredient

36 Response to a miracle

37 Welcome site

38 Talk, talk, talk

39 That's so sweet...

42 Hosp. Staffers

45 Fuzzy fruit

46 Furies

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49 Pull a muscle, say

52 Dined at home

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Pesach Puzzle #2



6/2/1446

1

I could see that he knew who we were, but he showed no remorse. He left us, still mumbling

with enmity. My blood pounded in my temples. I

thought that I should have ripped the swastika off

his arm, but I was paralyzed, as if I had no com-mand over my limbs. Pale and humiliated, Mama

could not stop trembling, but fortunately she was

not hurt. I could not comfort her. I had not defended

her, and I felt a deep guilt. This incident convinced

me how quickly peoples minds could be poisoned.

This was a bad year, and the next one might be

worse.

Chapter 5

The Ghetto in Dobra

Greed for Jewish booty lured many followers to Hitler. Little by little, without pretense or restraint, the Nazis had taken our homes, our possessions, our hope, and

our pride. And though each downward spiral seemed to take us to the lowest state imagin-able, we were to learn that this abyss had no bottom.

In the spring of 1940 we were ordered out of our house. We were the only Jewish family in the vicinity. Everything of ours--busi-ness, house, and land--was given to Anders, a Volksdeutscher who was a former worker of ours. His only credential was his heritage. The Judenrat then assigned us an attic room across the street in what was once a school. We were allowed to take one armful of possessions. Pola sneaked across to our house once more and rescued a few of her favorite books. Unsuited to running any business, Anders closed its doors shortly afterward. Nothing caused my mother more pain than looking down on her home, which now seemed so alien.

8

DENTISTDURING THE WARMEMOIRS OF NAZI YS CRUELTIES



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2

DENTIST DURING THE WAR

The third-floor attic room, once used for storage, became our living quar-

ters. Pola, Josek, and I slept on straw pallets on the floor. Mama and Papa had two cots. We hung blankets to create privacy.

We continued to observe the Shabbos. Each Friday evening Mama lit candles and recited the prayer. Papa, acting as if not much had changed, kept saying, Nothing is lost. Its all only temporary. When the war is over well move back to our house, and everything will be as before.

At the end of March 1940 the birds re-turned. Nature was taking its course early that year. On one sunny day, as I stood in the school yard, five Germans in army uniforms rounded the corner of the school. This was odd, I thought. What could they want? No one except the former caretaker and ourselves lived in the schoolhouse. As the Germans walked toward me, a corporal, their leader, sternly asked if I was Bronek Jakubowicz.

Yes, I said.

You are under arrest.

I thought surely that it was a mistake. Are you sure that you want me? I asked. Why? What have I done?

Youll find out later. Come with us.

Although I knew it was unmistakable, I still couldnt understand why they were arrest-ing me, or why they needed five soldiers to do it. Mama and Pola had heard the commotion. They came down to the yard and, startled, gasped. Why are you arresting my son? What do you want of him? Mama asked.

He is coming with us, one soldier bel-lowed, ordering me to move.

Wait, let me at least bring down his jacket, my mother pleaded.

He wont need it. He is going to be shot, the corporal grumbled back at her. Mama nearly fainted. She covered her face, as my sister held on to her.

I followed them out of the yard, one sol-dier on each side, two behind, and the corporal ahead of us. That aroused the neighbors, and they came out and looked. I had lived in this village since I was born, and nearly everyone knew me. They couldnt understand why I had been arrested and was being led away by five soldiers. In spite of my fear, I held my head high like a character in a Shakespearean play. It was a long way. I was led to the other end of the village, into the army headquarters and Schweikerts residence. In the yard, against a barracks wall, soldiers with rifles in hand guarded four other men. The corporal waved to me to join them.

Then I recognized on my right Wigdor Celnik, a relative of my sisters. Next to him stood Jan Kozlowski, a Pole of questionable character from Dobra. He had been jailed several times. One would do well not to have anything to do with him, I had heard people say. The third, Pavel, I knew only by name. The fourth was a stranger. I thought Celnik might be there because of his having once been a repre-sentative of the Bund, a Jewish socialist labor organization. Was I arrested because of my membership in the Zionist youth organization Hashomer Haklal Hazoni? * I had not known anyone arrested for that offense before.

I asked Wigdor why he was arrested. What did they say to you? he whispered back.

I heard them saying that Id be shot.

Me too, he replied.



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Suddenly one of the guards yelled at us, Shut up! as he cocked his gun.

I wasnt ready to die. Why was I here? Was it Hashems will, as people sometimes say? If this is my fate, I thought, what can I do to make the agony of dying easier? I tried to convince myself that I had lived what was to be my life. After all, no one lives forever. I tried hard to persuade myself, but that didnt make much sense, and it wasnt very consoling, but it was the best I could do. All of us were puz-zled. Without knowing why we were there, we exchanged worried looks. Even passing soldiers asked their comrades who we were and why we were under arrest. The guards didnt know either.

After two hours a sergeant came over and ordered us to follow him. We went a few

hundred meters down the road and came upon odd-looking rigs--three shallow carts with huge wheels that had six Belgian horses hitched to them. We were ordered to board. The sergeant and guards followed. As we left the army com-pound and headed out of the village, I spurred my courage and asked the sergeant where he was taking us. He did not answer. He seemed surprised that I had asked him. Wigdor Celnik, who was on the same wagon, looked at me as if to say, Did you expect him to tell you? Discouraged, I asked nothing further.

To be continued beH

DENTIST DURING THE WAR

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By: Sheila Tanami, OTSAn OT's perspective on Typical Development in Infants: Birth-6 months

During the first year of life play is mainly exploratory and social. Exploratory play,

also known as sensorimotor play, is engaging in an activity for the physical sensation it

creates for example the infant will play with something that he finds enjoyable to look at,

hear, and/or feel. Infants will place toys in their mouth and hold and feel the toys in their

hands. Social play is the attachment and bonding with parents or caregivers. The following

milestones are skills that your 0-6 month old infant should possess:

Regulatory/Sensory

Infant quiets when held.

Shows pleasure when touched and handled.

Relaxes, smiles, and vocalizes when held.

Cuddles.

Listens to a voice.

Uses hands and mouth for sensory exploration of objects.

Fine Motor

Follows moving person with eyes.

Develops accurate reach to object.

Uses palm to grasp.

Holds object in hand and brings to mouth.

Transfers object hand to hand.

Examines objects carefully with eyes.

Plays with hands in midline (middle of body).

Gross Motor

3-4 months lifts head.

4-6 months raise trunk when on stomach.

Kicks reciprocally when on back.

Sits propping on hand.

Bounces when standing with support from parents.

Rolls from place to place.

Cognitive



6/2/1460

Exciting news: Occupational Therapy is NOW available in Flatbush! Come and see our new clinic at 2918 Avenue M (between east 29th street and Nostrand Avenue) Our Boro park location is located at 3815 13th Avenue: 718-677-6777

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Robin Akselrud is a licensed Occupational Therapist and owner of Forward Occupational Therapy. She treats infants and children of all ages, as well as adults and seniors. Robin is a clinical professor in the Occupational

Therapy programs at Long Island University and Touro College.

Repeats actions for

pleasurable experiences.

Uses hands and mouth to

explore objects.

Searches with eyes for

sound.

Bangs object on table.

Social

Coos.

Smiles and laughs out loud.

Cries to express discomfort.

Communicates simple emotions through facial expression.

As a parent you can help your infant develop these skills by actively participating

in his/her daily activities. Cuddle and talk to your infant. Learn how your baby tries to

communicate hunger or tiredness and respond to the baby. Tummy time is extremely

important to strengthen the infants muscles (in the trunk and neck) and encourage

reaching by placing some toys around the baby. By around 3 months you can encourage

rolling over by holding toys that will motivate your infant. Between 4-6 months your baby

will begin babbling and imitating your infant is key to building communication skills. At

this time you can begin to help position your baby in sitting and give your infant toys

while he is on his back and stomach. Work on creating a routine for sleeping, feeding, and

playtime.

Some things to be aware of and consider talking to your pediatrician about:

Infant does not seem to be focusing his eyes or watch moving objects nearby.

Infant is very stiff or floppy.

Infant doesn't respond to loud sounds.

Infant doesn't support head well by 3 months.

Infant doesn't reach for objects by 4-6 months.

Infant can't sit on his own by 6 months.

Infant isn't affectionate with individuals closest to him by 6 months.

Infant doesn't grasp objects by 3 months.

Infant doesn't smile by 3 months.

Occupational therapy can help with infants 0-6 months old who are displaying delays by

working directly with the infant for example on tracking objects, strengthening upper

body muscles, and by providing exercises to encourage reaching. The OT can also educate

the parents on home exercise programs and creating routines.

Reference: Smith, J., & Brien, J. C. (2010). Occupational therapy for children (6th ed.). Maryland Heights, Mo.: Mosby/Elsevier.

By : Sheila Tanami, OTS



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Mrs. G was very frustrated. She felt that her husband didnt care for her and was totally oblivious to her needs. Mr. G felt frustrated at his wifes complains. He was trying to be so caring of his wife. Whenever an issue arose, he would try to correct it and make sure that his wife had what she needed. But, no matter how much he tried, Mrs. G still complained that her needs werent validated and that Mr. G just didnt get it. They were both fine people and they were both ready to invest a lot in their relationship. However, there was this invisible and unexplainable thing that stood in their way. She felt hurt and misunderstood; he felt frustrated and under-appreciated.

Avrumi claimed that his father was out of touch and could not connect with him. His father, on his side, was extremely pained at Avrumis accusations. He loved Avrumi dearly and would do absolutely anything for Avrumis sake. In fact, if he only detected a need by Avrumi, he ran to fulfill it. How could Avrumi be so ungrateful and blind to all he did for him and claim that he wasnt there for him? There was a lot of pain and bilateral feelings of frustration and misunderstanding.

Torah TakeRashi (Bamidbar 8:2) quotes a midrash: Why is the parsha of the menorah juxtaposed

LIFE TRANSFORMING INSIGHTS BASED ONTHE TEACHINGS OF THE OHR HACHAYIM

RABBI SHEEA LANGSAM, LMHC, LPC

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with that of the nesiim? Because, when Aharon watched the nesiim inaugurate the mizbaech he felt slighted that neither he nor his tribe took part in the inauguration. Hashem promised him, yours is greater than theirs for you will cleanse and light the menorah every day.

The Ohr Hachayim takes issue with this midrash: There were so many components to the daily avodah in the mishkan. There were the various korbonos and the ketores; there was so much the kohanim did on a daily basis in the Mishkan. Why was it that Aharon was consoled only with the cleansing and lighting of the menorah?

He goes on to explain that Aharon was hurt for missing out on the inaugural part. Reas-suring him with the avodah of the korbonos would be missing the point! That was not what Aharon felt that he had missed out on! Whereas the consolation with the meno-rah, that was right on target. When the menorah was cleansed, the actual lamps were either removed, or at least bent downward, cleansed and then replaced. Thus, it had an aspect of renewal and inauguration daily. This was a fitting replacement for Aharons missing out on the initial inauguration.

Practical Applications

We often delude ourselves into believing that our intentions are what count. False! Good intentions are not all that count; the actions have to be appropriate as well. Many a marriage has gone sour and many parents have lost all lines of communication with their teens, even there were tons of good intentions. Hashem knows a persons inten-tions; humans react to actions and behaviors.

All the good intentions in the world are not sufficient to give one what s/he is truly asking for. In order to provide our loved ones with their true needs, we need to become aware of what exactly those needs are. We ought to give it some time and thought. Our own assumptions will often be way off. When we act upon our assumptions, we can, inadvertently, send the message that we dont really care to know the truth.

Lets follow one incident in the G family. Wife was complaining about the run-ins she keeps on having with her shvigger. Husband really wanted to help her out. He refrained from siding with his mother; instead, he went way out of his comfort zone and spoke to his mother about it. He then happily informed his wife that he took care of the issue. He was sure shell appreciate it how much he did for her, but instead, wife seemed morti-fied and she was really upset with him. He, in turn, felt that she would never appreciate what he did for her.

What happened here? Its quite simple. Husband wasnt in tune with what his wife needed. She needed empathy and a listening ear. By taking action, not only didnt he give her what she really needed, he also gave her the feeling that he couldnt provide her with her true needs.

Sparks | 2



6/2/1468

Disclaimer: The purpose of this article is for reflection

and contemplation purpos-es only. We have no inten-

tion to superimpose any ideas onto the holy words

of the Ohr Hachayim.

Rabbi Shea Langsam, LMHC, LPC is a licensed mental health counselor with over ten years of experience. He works with bochurim and adults in helping them overcome their person-al obstacles and to maximize their potential. To schedule a personal consultation or to arrange for a speaking engagement, please call his office at: 732-569-4702.

A similar thing was going on between Avrumi and his parents (and between many teen-agers and their parents). True, his father gave him whatever he asked for, but he never gave him time and a listening ear. Avrumi never got the feeling that his father enjoyed spending time with him and listening to him. In all honesty, his father didnt have pa-tience for what he considered adolescent nonsense. Avrumi didnt so much care for all the stuff his father got him; he wanted his father! And that one, most important, thing his father didnt give him.

When we see that even though were trying to help our spouse or child and they only get frustrated, chances are were missing the point. Our getting frustrated in return will do little to enhance our relationship. It will only serve to further entrench the feelings of mutual frustration and misunderstanding.

Next time it happens, you can try something else. Pause and think; what is it that your spouse or child really needs. If you feel stuck and you cant figure out, be brave and ask. Ask in a way that will show that you really care and truly want to know. If its asked in a way that is not accusatory or sarcastic, chances are youll get an honest answer. Once you know what s/he wants, you can go on and work on fulfilling that need. Chanc-es are, it will actually be easier than the things youve been doing unsuccessfully till now. Do it and youll be amazed at the results!

Remember: In order to have a happy and fulfilling relationship, you got to know your partner!

So, strengthen the line and stay connected!

Sparks | 3



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6/2/1482

Each week, I will be

answering your

questions about children,

teenagers, and family

members who need advice

about psychology and

relationships.

Looking forward to answer

your questions or comments!

Email:

[email protected]

or Call: 646.428.4723

Rabbi Daniel Schonbuch, MA, LMFT

i

vol 8 issue 38

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