W o r k b o o k

Heather Gunther & Tom O'Keefe

Love Your Messy Life 

Love Your Messy Life™:Practical Tools to

Renovate Your Health,Wealth, & Relationships

his digital workbook will augment the practices from Love Your Messy Life™ the book. Butsome of these exercises are unique. You won’t find them anywhere else. Our mission is tohelp you accept where you are, decide what your heart truly desires and introduce toolsthat will allow you to create your own personal blueprint for a happy life. We all want to have a life we love. But let's be real; life is messy. To love this messy life thatwe have, we need tools to integrate the pain and triggers our parents, grandparents, greatgrandparents and great great grandparents have passed down to us. It’s calledintergenerational epigenetics, and it affects our bodies, our minds, and our relationships.

In Love Your Messy Life Practical Tools to Renovate Your Health, Wealth and Relationships thegoal is for you to walk away feeling empowered- to have the tools to take your power backfrom the moments that activate your nervous system and keep you trapped in old pain andparadigms, aka trauma. Essentially, our goal is to help you clear out those unintegrated sensations, emotions, andthoughts that get stuck in your body and mind and suck your energy and well being -so youcan take your life back. We can heal the challenges we face in every moment in 5 simple steps. And the traumaspassed down to us, the unnamed feelings of not being safe or good enough or worthy, wecan heal those too.

My father gave me his trauma, but he gave me the tools to heal them too. Just like when hewould disappear into his shop and then reappear hours later with a toolbox customized forwhat I would need for my move across the country to a new job and home. Would you likeyour own custom Toolbox to manage the big and little traumas of life and renovate andreclaim your wholeness in relationships, finances, and health to create your mostpowerful, purposeful, peaceful life?

T

1TM

elcome! We are so happy you’ve joined us on this journey to live a life worth living. Love Your Messy Life™ is designed to help you renovate the areas of life that are keepingyou stuck, drained, and overwhelmed, so you can reclaim your innate power, endvictimhood, and create the house you want to live in—physically, financially and inrelationships. This workbook is your go-to place to self-reflect, dive deeper and integrate powerfulconcepts from the book. The workbook provides an opportunity to take your time andrekindle a relationship with yourself that feels like home. You are not alone on this journey, not if you don’t want to be. Consider diving into thispilgrimage of empowerment with a friend. This workbook can also be a jumping off pointto foster profound connection with yourself and with others.

W

2

Want to understand these life changing concepts more deeply? Find even more researchand resources HERE on the blog. Of course, the newsletter is where you’ll find the best weoffer designed exclusively for you.

Looking for community and resources on this path of renovating areas of your life? Joinother seekers HERE in the private Facebook community designed just for people daringenough to say “yes” to a truly fulfilling and purposeful life

What Makes Life Worth Living?

People will tell you love, joy, happiness, and meaning make life worth living. They’re notwrong. But what happens when you don’t know what’s meaningful to you? When youcan’t access joy? When love eludes you? What if joy, love and meaning are not goals? What if they’re byproduct of empowerment- the ability to face challenges and stay grounded in a deep knowing that you’re ok, you’vegot this’ or have resources, people in your life, to help you? Empowerment is the ability totake your power back from the moments that activate your nervous system and keep youtrapped in old pain and paradigms, aka trauma. Life is worth living when you can walk through the world unencumbered by the past. Thisdoesn't mean you don't still encounter challenges; it's that you're not burdened by them.But, cleaning out pain isn't the end goal. Enjoying life is WHY you're cleaning out yourtraumas. Isn't it time to savour the exquisiteness of life? Before we look at what you want, we need to start with how. In Part 1, you will discoverhow can you clean out enough stress and overwhelm, distraction and discomfort to findthe clarity you are seeking. This requires your Adult Brain - your ability to think clearly,problem solve, access creativity, and be your best self.

So how do you access your Adult Brain? You start with ACCEPTANCE.

“What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” Carl Jung When you avoid or judge an experience, your Child Brain instigates a stress responseincluding a cascade of hormones that over time degrade your health and well-being. Thefirst step in turning off the Child Brain is to accept the current moment exactly as itis. This doesn’t mean approve of wrongdoing or injustice. It simply means acknowledgingwhat is happening.

3

P a r t O n e

What do you struggle to accept in your life?

What do you find yourself judging?

What do you think should be different about your life?

4

What is your relationship to movement?

When you hear ‘wiggle’ what comes to mind? Does this feel doable?

Is your body your friend? Do you listen to your friend or do you do all thetalking?

WIGGLE. In order to reabsorb those stress hormones that keep you out of yourAdult Brain, the body needs to move.

5

Where are you suffering in silence? Where are you keeping pain, frustration,stress or other discomfort to yourself?

Name all the sensations you can.*

What feelings are off limits? What feelings were off limits in your family?

ARTICULATE. MRI studies show that naming your sensations and emotions,out loud or in your head, moves the electrical firing in your brain out of thereactive Child Brain, your reptilian and limbic systems, up into the Adult Brain.

* If you ran out of words after hungry, thirsty, tired, and constipated, here’s aPDF with almost 100 different words to describe sensations in your body.

6

What keeps you up at night?

What do you have trouble letting go of? (The guy who cuts you off, the snubfrom a colleague, the friend that stands you up…)

What’s your internal dialogue when you make a mistake or struggle withsomething?

REPAIR. Your brain seeks completion, integration. Any emotion, sensation orthought you haven’t made sense of will hijack your mind and body. Have youever had trouble falling asleep because your mind was racing through all theunfinished things yet to do? Us too. That’s your brain trying to create closure.

7

After a hard day or a stressful situation, what is your go-to relief?

What thoughts, feelings and sensations are holding you back from takingaction?

Re-read your response to the first question. If you knew this struggle was here tosupport you and give you the tools to live your best life, how would you respond?What choices would you make?

ENGAGE. Empowerment comes from action, engaging in the world. If you’vedone the first 4 steps, you will be in your Adult Brain, able to respond to yourlife from a place of choice rather than reaction.

8

Congratulations! By answering these questions you’ve taken the time to discover what gets in the way ofyou reclaiming your nervous system and quelling the overwhelm, meh, and anxieties inlife.Knowing what impedes your is a huge win! It means you know where and when you aretriggered. Now let’s get you the first tool to help take your power back.

ACCEPTANCE. WIGGLE. ARTICULATE. REPAIR. ENGAGE. = AWARE.

Together these 5 tools allow you to move from your reactive Child Brain into your AdultBrain, turning off the stress response and reclaiming your resilience and freedom torenovate your life towards greater fulfilment and health.

How?1. Download the pdf guide to the AWARE process HERE.2. Look for emails from Heather Gunther & Love Your Messy Life™.

The first 5 email newsletters go into the application of the AWAREprocess™.

9

3. Watch Heather teach an audience how to apply these tools in a videoHERE

Creating Your Blueprint.

Complete the following statements rapid fire. Try not to filter yourself. Just let whatcomes to mind come through.

What do you want and why do you want it?

What I want most in my life is…

Having this will feel…

I can’t have it because…

10

P a r t T w o

I can’t have it because…

If I could have it, I’d screw it up by…

If I just experienced _________, I’d be content.

My relationships currently feel…

11

I would love to feel _________ in relationship.

My relationship to money feels…

I would love to feel _________ in relationship with money.

Work feels…

12

I would love to feel _________ at work.

My body feels…

I would love to feel _________ in my body.

My relationship to the metaphysical, God, Source feels…

13

I would love to feel _________ in my spiritual life.

Take a breath. Wiggle. Roll your shoulders.

What clarity did you gain from answering these questions? What themes andconnections are you seeing?

Great job at looking within and seeing how you currently feel. How you want to feel canbe disheartening at times. Remember, it takes courage to do such a big renovation andyou’re not alone. Here’s an exercise that will help. Download your free Elevator to theHeart audio file HERE. Next, let’s look at what your life demonstrates. What is the gap between what you areactually doing in your life and what you say you want in life? Now it’s time to look at theblueprint you have just created for your renovation and compare it to the current state ofyour home.

14

Start by completing these 13 questions, available HERE. Really take the time to notice whatis in your space, the titles of the books you are reading, the things you talk about, etc.

Based on your answers, what 3 values does your life demonstrate?

When Tom did this for the first time he realized that much of his life revolvedaround shoulds, other people's ideas of what he should be and do, rather thanfrom a place of inspiration. It was a painful realization and a powerful catalyst.Before we dive deeper into what factors instigated your values, check out thisguided Equanimity Practice. You can download your free AUDIO HERE.

How does Value #1 inspire you? Bring you joy?

How does Value #2 inspire you? Bring you joy?

15

How does Value #3 inspire you? Bring you joy?

What was the catalyzing moment for value #1? This can be pro or con. Let thisbe stream of consciousness. Go to your youngest or most powerful memoryabout this.

What was the catalyzing moment for value #2? This can be pro or con. Let thisbe stream of consciousness.

16

What was the catalyzing moment for value #3? This can be pro or con. Let thisbe stream of consciousness.

You may find that your values are based on shoulds. That you’re life isinfluenced by avoidance far more than inspiration. It doesn’t have to be thatway. Where did that come from, mom or dad?

How did it make you the person you are today?

17

What strengths did you develop as a result of this challenge? What resilienceand skills did you acquire as a result of this pain?

If you hadn’t had this catalyzing moment what lesson would you have missedout on?

Write a new narrative emphasizing what you learned and how thosecatalyzing moments have served you and helped you to be the person you aretoday. Keep writing until gratitude naturally blossoms.

18

Leverage

Leverage is the ability to affect an outcome. Now that you know where and what you wantto renovate, it’s time to use your toolbox to change your life based on moving towardpurpose rather than avoiding pain. In parts one and two, you discovered where pain is perpetuating your present discomfort,where you struggle to integrate, and what you want instead. In this section, you will learntools to release the vitality and joy trapped in your pain. The pain of the past is purposefulwhen you can leverage it to create movement in your life toward goals unique to you.When you try to push through the unintegrated parts of life, it’s like walking through amucky, sticky swamp that’s always grabbing at your feet. Are you ready for less muck and more momentum? Here are the tools you will need in thisrenovation: your hammer of anger, saw of joy, level of equanimity, the measuring tape ofcommunication, the screwdriver of mindfulness, pliers of focus, wrenches of leverage,and your body, the toolbox that makes all the other tools possible.

“Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it and I willmove the world.” Archimedes

To move your world, start by accepting where you are and the current state of your life.Make room for these changes in your body through movement. Now name the sensationsand emotions present right now. Isn’t it time to tame these unruly feelings? Begin by talking to them the way you would soothe a child. “I know you’re feeling angry andI love your anger. Your anger can’t hurt me. I can sit here as long as you need. I’m not goinganywhere. I love you.” And now you’re ready to act on your next renovation decision.

19

P a r t T h r e e

“We get hurt in relationship and we heal in relationship.”Duey Freeman

The biggest renovation in life is repairing hurt that happens in relationships. What is yourrelationship to each of the seven areas of life: money, your body, family, your mind, work,community, and God/Universe/Spirit? As you answer these questions, consider your oldest memory or when you first realizedthis expression in your life. Use the AWARE process™ to support integration.

20

I f y o u w o u l d l i k e t o t a k e t h i s m a t e r i a l t o

a n o t h e r l e v e l , t r y j o i n i n g o u r

Love Your Messy Life™ Community.

Y o u a r e a l r e a d y p a r t o f t h e m e m b e r s o n l y

g r o u p w h e r e y o u c a n f r o l i c w i t h l i k e m i n d e d

p e o p l e a n d s h a r e y o u r q u e s t i o n s a n d i n s i g h t s ,

F o r m o r e d e t a i l s c l i c k H E R E

A LEVEL allows you to find a “true” center. When you look at your renovation list, how many of your future feelings are trying tobalance out your current feelings - avoiding stress by dreaming of rest? Where are you seesawing in life?

Who does this remind you of?

Where do you have the greatest equanimity? Doing what? With whom?

21

A MEASURING TAPE allows two or more people to share a common language, tocommunicate a shared understanding. Where have you felt most misunderstood?

Where does communication most often break down in your life? Is it aroundmoney or parenting? Maybe around time or food?

Where in life do you have the most clarity?

22

THE HAMMER provides the wielder with the power to connect different materials (nailand wood). Healthy boundaries do the same. Healthy use of anger allows you to knowwhen your boundaries are being crossed or when you are crossing other’s boundaries. Where has anger been used against you?

Where have you been a hammer and used someone like a nail?

What boundaries are easy to set? Are they around time? Money?

23

A SAW OR UTILITY KNIFE cuts through to access what you want. Wonder, curiosity andlaughter are your blades.

Where do you let your world get too serious?

What did you love as a child that you gave up to be an adult?

Where are you most curious? Where do you laugh most easily?

24

A PAIR OF PLIERS lets you hold on to what’s important to you while you adjust somethingelse, including the ability to see things more globally.

Where are you holding on to self judgement? Beating yourself up?

When does isolating feel easier?

Whose suffering would you like to remove?

25

A WRENCH allows you to loosen and tighten something that you could never do with yourbare hands. A wrench provides perspective and the power to make changes.

Where do you feel stuck?

What feels too tight to loosen or make headway with on your own?

Where can you pause and get perspective even when you’re charged?

26

THE SCREWDRIVER is all about adjustment. Mindfulness and meditation are yourscrewdrivers.

Where have you sacrificed the joy of now for worry about the future?

What is your relationship to being present?

What do you take time to adjust in your life and what falls through the cracks?

27

THE TOOLBOX is a container that holds all the other tools. Your body is one of yourtoolboxes.

Where do you use your body as a dumping ground?

What did you learn about taking care of yourself from family and friends?

How do you currently honor and cherish your body?

28

Was it easier to remember to Breath and Wiggle during some questions more thanothers? Did you take the time to Repair the sensations, emotions, and thoughts that cameup as you where writing? If not, you can always go back and do it now, or even tomorrow,or for that matter next month. The important part is not when you do the work but thatyou are even here renovating to begin with.

Thank you for going on this inner journey! The work you do on your own home beautifies the whole neighborhood. Our ultimategoal is a global community committed to ending the perpetuation of pain on others byfinding tools to manage our own nervous systems.

Together we can learn to love these messy, complicated lives of ours. We hope to see you in the Love Your Messy Life™ facebook community or get in touch by

With love, Heather & Tom

29

email at info@LoveYourMessyLife.com. We love hearing your struggles and wins andjoining with you in it all.