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Leadership Development for Women

2010 02.2013

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Why Women Struggle with Competition

The chief commodity bartered in the boys’ hierarchical world is status.

The chief commodity bartered in the girls’ community is intimacy.

Deborah Tannen, You Just don’t Understand. Women and Men in Conversation. , 2001. www.kcmayer.com


Collaborative Competition Mindset Exercise

Four types of Competitors

Noncompetitive Individual Contributor 1 to 5

Situational Collaborative Competitor 5 to 6.5

Collaborative Competitor 6.5 to 8.5

Perfectionist Competitor 8.5 to 10.0


Collaborative Competition™


*Authentic Happiness, by Martin E. Seligman, 2002, page 93.

Collaborative Competition Win-lose/perfectionist Competition

Assume innocence Suspicious of motives

Curious mindset I am right

Smart risk taking Avoid losing

If I lose, there is a temporary and specific explanation; if I succeed, I make permanent and universal explanations*

If I lose, there is a permanent and universal explanation for setbacks; if I succeed I make temporary and specific explanations*

Strategic vulnerability–listening, being open, giving credit, admiting when you make a mistake

Maintain the upper hand

It Is About Having a Resilient Mindset


Take Small Steps

Large Goal

•  Fearful

•  Failure more likely

Small Goal

•  Less fear

•  Success more likely


Questions/Evaluation


A Successful Network

It is NOT who you know

but who knows what

you know


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Lessons Learned from the World of Competitive Sports

Women’s secret to success: to expand a tendency to form emotionally supportive and comfortable relationships into a broader view, in which it is possible to support others and also form strategic alliances around career/school issues.


Parting Thought

“Do one thing everyday that scares you.”

— Eleanor Roosevelt

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