zine call out queen
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EDITED BYJ UANA PERALTA AND
ROY PREZ
cal loutqueen.tumblr .com
CALLOUTQUEENm a r k a g u h a r
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what i was thinking today // is that art has always been asurvival tool for me // im USING art, i dont think of my-self as an artist before i think of myself as a person // and ifwhat im making isnt art anymore // i dont really care //
because im doing what i need to to survive in my own mind
- mark aguhar // calloutqueen
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BYE H8R
:3
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THESE ARE THE AXES
1Bodies are inherently valid
2Remember death
3Be ugly
4Know beauty
5It is complicated
6Empathy
7Choice
8Reconstruct, reify
9
Respect, negotiate
45
4TH JUL 2010
I MEAN COOL IFYOU WANT TO BEVEGETARIAN BUT
LETS NOT TURNIT INTO A CLASS
WAR OR PRETENDTHAT THERE ARENTMULTIPLE REASONS
TO DO THINGS
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9
Respect, negotiate
5
1
Bodies are inherently valid
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6
4TH JUN 2011
NO MATTER
WHAT YOU DOYOU
WILL NEVER BEBEAUTIFUL
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22ND MAY 2010
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29TH JUN 2011
LOL, ART
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4TH JUN 2011
UGH AS FUCK ON THE DAILY
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4TH JUN 2011
FOR SOME PEOPLEOTHERNESS IS ANOVEL EXPERIENCE
Every single time I step outside my body is a public object.
Yesterday a girl saw me walk into a store and laughed andnodded my way to get her friends to notice me.
Today someone I know complimented my ass. Several of myfriends complimented my hair and my rope harness. On thetrain several people kept glancing over at me incredulously.
This is not novel to me.
Safe space is novel to me.
People feel like they have the right to make comment onmy body. It doesnt matter that its positive or negative. Im
actually very thankful that people give me compliments, butthe fact that people dont pause before commenting on myimage is really hard.
Yes I am a performer, yes I cultivate my image in particularways, but that does not mean the consequences arent dif-ficult to deal with.
41
18TH FEB 2012
I will not re-situate my ideas for a neoliberal framework
I think its fair for contemporary art to ask of its audience
that they reframe themselves, not that the art come to theaudience on their terms
I think its fair for contemporary art to accomplish workwithin a highly specific frame rather than make falselybroad statements
I think its fair to abide by the rules of the frame I choose
rather than break the rules I choose to keep for the sake of adominant paradigm
I believe Audre Lorde: The masters tools will never dis-mantle the masters house
reframe
tip the axis
reframe
I dont care about your gaze
reframe
my tools belong to me
reframe
this conversation is tired
4TH JAN 2012
Calling things boring is the best insult, I love beingflip-pant, flippancy is the most important thing in the world
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8
Reconstruct, reify
9
5TH AUG 2011
totalbroski asked: Why are you fat? Im
curious. Is it some kind of fetish?
lol
18TH SEP 2011
londonpreppy asked: youre a fat pieceof shit who is stupid. quit parroting allthe crap you hear in your stupid bullshitclasses.
lol
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3RD AUG 2011
JUST REMEMBERING
THOSE BITCHES LASTNIGHT TOUCHING ME
AND TELLING ME SHITTYTHINGS, NBD
WHAT KIND OF PERSON SMILES AT YOU, TOUCHESYOUR BODY IN A FRIENDLY WAY AS IF THEY WANTEDTO DANCE OR SAY HI, PLACES THEIR HAND ON YOURBELLY AND TELLS YOU TO DIET?
WHAT KIND OF PERSON TALKS TO YOU ALL FRIENDLY
AND THEN TELLS YOU, YOU NEED SPANX? AND THENTURNS TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS, WHO LOVE YOU ANDWHO YOU LOVE BACK, AND DEMANDS THEY BACKHER UP ON THIS?
YOU KNOW WHAT
IM GONNA TAKE A PAGE OUT OF THE GLORIOUS
BOOK OF HEATHER, FROM OUR GODDESS CARMENCARRERA; YOU DONT HAVE TO PUT PEOPLE DOWNTO LIFT YOURSELF UP, YOU CAN JUST BE THE BEST.YOU CAN BE THE BEST AND WIN. AND YOU KNOWWHAT? IM A FUCKING HEATHER-ASS-BITCH SO BET-TER STEP OUT MY WAY OR GET CRUSHED BY MYCOOKIE-EATIN-ASS
5TH OCT 2010
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21ST MAY 2011
I believe in anger and rage, controlled consensualviolence, temporary separatist fantasias, the destructionof whiteness, the destruction of maleness, the destruction
of reprosexuality, my personal hegemony, transgressivefashion, body positivity, reading, and making looks
24TH JAN 2011
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ALWAYS TALKABOUT HAVING TYPES AND ALLTHAT, BUT IT HASNT ACTUALLYBEEN THAT HARD FOR ME TOTRAIN MY DICK TO GO FLACCID ATTHE SIGHT OF NORMATIVE WHITEMASCULINITY
24TH APR 2011
PROPOSAL THAT ORGANIZING
MY ART AROUND MY LIBIDO IS ASVALID AS YOU ORGANIZING YOURART AROUND YOUR LIBIDO, ITSNOT MY FAULT MY SEX DRIVE ISDICTATED BY DESTROYING YOU
11
3RD AUG 2011
3RD AUG 2011
YOU LOOK LIKE AWHALE, OKAY
3RD AUG 2011
co u n t s n a ck u l a r e p l i ed t o y o u r p h o t o : I w a n t Yo u
l o o k l i k e a w ha l e , o k a y ? on a t sh i r t . A l so l u v u f o r
st o k i n g t h e flam es o f m y f a t r a g e r ecen t l y
U LOOK LYK A WALE OK
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3RD AUG 2011
Just in case youd forgotten, being fat is still one of the mostegregious of sins in the queer community. The sins of my
body are punishable by constant public derision for 3 hoursstraight. An obnoxious overly tan woman feels allowed to
tell me that I need to wear spanx. The most basic frosted-tipboystown mo can touch my blessed belly and tell me to diet.
A forgettable queen can take one look at me and say RE-
ALLY?!!?!? as if I didnt exist. A femme and possibly trans*queen can laugh openly as I walk by. The most tired bleachblond circuit queen can dance sloppy and shirtless without
vocal criticism, but I cant walk a half a block without catch-ing hate. Not to mention the numerous bitches who give
me one look and giggle with their friends. Im glad my bodycontinues to have such amazing public power; who else is as
legendary as me?
37
5TH OCT 2010
HOW TO STAVE OFFSUICIDE FOR
ANOTHER COUPLE HOURS
1. eat cheese or fried things or both or fried cheese2. buy beautiful plants that remind you of yourself and thatneed careful attention3. watch complicated movies about coming of age as aperson of color in the 90s 4. with a strong female lead5. lay down the groundwork toward making hair extensionsa reality6. buy fashion that makes you feel like you are self-
actualizing7. consider the reality of hormones8. shower or bathe as often as makes you happy9. have serious heart-to-heart conversations with the peoplethat you love10. WHAT THE FUCK DOES BEING A LADY HAVE TODO WITH BEING A DOCTOR?
11. find a therapist you get along with and that you canafford and be honest with them12. cuddle with your friends as often and for as long as theyare willing to stand you13. remember that you are worthy14. remember that the reason you dont want to commitsuicide is because YOU dont WANT to
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7
Choice
13
3RD AUG 2011
TAKINGCONTROL OF MY
PHYSICAL BODYIS THE ONLY WAYFOR ME TO
EXERT AGENCYIN A WORLD
DESIGNED TODEMOLISH MYPERSONHOOD
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2
Remember death
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28TH OCT 2010
JUANA HELPS ME PROCESS WHEN I GOON TIRADES AGAINST WHITE PEOPLE,
THAT IS NOT THE SAME THING ASHAVING WONDERFUL AND NORMALINTERACTIONS WITH MY FRIENDS WHOARE WHITE. WHITE PRIVILEGE IS NOTTHE SAME THING AS BEING A WHITEPERSON AND YOURE LUCKY THAT YOUHAVE THE LUXURY OF THOSE ASPECTSOF YOUR PERSONHOOD BE SEPARATE.
White vs. white
6TH OCT 2011
IF U R NOT WHITE PLZ STEP 2 THEFRONT OF THE LINE
its not prejudice its just preference
6TH OCT 2011
BROWN PEOPLE LOVING OTHER BROWNPEOPLE AUDRE LORDE SOMETHING OROTHER BLAHBLAHBLAH
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2ND JAN 2012
moments before arriving at the bar that night I had been cryingmy eyes out with one of my besties and you cant even tell becauseIm so stunning/my emotionality makes me stunning
15
3RD AUG 2011
grief is violent, selfish, painful, and necessary
24TH SEP 2010
RIPSYLVESTER 1988
VENUS XTRAVAGANZA 1988
DORIAN COREY 1993
SELENA 1995
AALIYAH 2001
LISA LEFT EYE LOPES 2002
PEPPER LABEIJA 2003
HEAVENLY ANGEL OCTAVIA ST. LAURENT MANOLOBLAHNIK 2009
BRITTANY MURPHY 2009
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14TH JUN 2011
There are lots of different kinds of pain. This isnt like any ofthem. I felt fear wash over me on Wednesday afternoon andI dont think its left since. This isnt something that I can beangry about, this isnt something that I canfix. This isnt thekind of pain that burns bright and fast, like the pain of be-
trayal, heartbreak, failure, or frustration. This is numbness.Ive been able to do little other than sleep and eat. Anguishis occupying my body in a way that I didnt expect. This issomething Ill probably live with forever. The pain takesform in my throat and my chest from time to time. Prayinghelps. Even though I dont know that I believe any of it, eventhough I dont think of myself as a Christian, these nightsof praying the Novena have helped me understand the form
of my grief. Instead of inhabiting my body with aggressivequiet, the words take shape inside me in a way they neverhave before, they give me something to do other than stareblankly and something to say other than nothing, and thecommunal drone of my extended familys prayer vibrates inmy gut, and the sound of the hymns access my emotions inways I never knew possible. I wish this were the consump-
tive but temporary pains Im so used to. The pain of theworld not wanting you there that can quickly turn to rageand power. I dont know how to turn this pain into poweryet. I dont know if Ill ever be able to do that.
Maybe it will get better. I want for my brother and I to gettattoos this week. Maybe on Friday.
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4TH JUN 2011
JUST BECAUSE I WANT TO
DESTROY YOUR SENSE OFBODILY SELF DOESNT MEAN I
DONT VALUE YOU AS A PERSON
17TH JAN 2011
WHEN I BRUSH MY HAIR IIMAGINE WITH EVERY STROKE
THAT EVERY PERSON WHOS
MADE ME FEEL LIKE LESS THANA PERSON IS GAGGING
28TH SEP 2011
LIFE IS HARD, SOMEPEOPLE GET THROUGH ITLONGER THAN OTHERS,
EVERYBODY DIES, AND THE
CIRCUMSTANCES ARENTALWAYS SIMPLE
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6
Empathy
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5TH OCT 2010
just because I hate life doesnt mean I cant try to look goodwhile suffering
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29TH AUG 2011
5TH OCT 2010
Im tired of being told to be strong or stronger or whateverbecause it feels like a lie
and it feels like a betrayal to even suggest that the people in
my life who didnt survive were somehow not as strong asme
I dont need to be strong, I need for the world to stop be-ing so fucking weak, that my sisters are being swallowed upbefore my eyes
the people who have gone before me are so fucking amazingand beautiful, I dont know how I am supposed to survive
31
18TH OCT 2011
I started therapy
my sister killed herself
I started therapyI still cry several days a week
I started therapy
Im remembering how to be ugly
I started therapy
my sister killed herself
I dont know how to have a healthy relationship
my sister killed herself
I just want to burn out
my sister killed herself
I dont know how long Ill be alive
my sister killed herself
my mom has stopped eating
my sister killed herself
everything about this city reminds me of her
my sister killed herself
my therapist is grieving her cat
my sister killed herself
I dont know how to talk to my brother
my sister killed herself
I keep thinking of candyman
my sister killed herself
I think its easier starting ugly because starting pretty makes fad-ing harder
I hate this weather
I need to go tan
the train to my therapist takes forever even though its only two
stops
Chicago in fall looks like Candyman
I started therapy because my sister killed herself and I want tobecome a woman.
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27TH FEB 2011
THE FEAR THAT YOUR
BLEACH BLOND HAIR ISASSIMILATIONIST AND
NOT DISCURSIVE
5TH AUG 2011
You know that thing where your friend is a drag queen andhes worried about going on the train working a hard draglook so to calm him down you take off your shirt so yourejust wearing a vest and a harness that really emphasize thatmaybe your tits belong to someone female-assigned-at-birthand you give everyone on that train hateful stares and starta fight with a bunch of annoying teen boys because afierce
queen, aggro femme dyke, and andro-butch genderqueer allgot your back and you know what, youre in a fuckingfight-ing mood
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3
Be ugly
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21ST DEC 2010
BASICALLY IGREW UP BEING
TOLD I WAS UGLY
21ST MAY 2011
I believe in the power of ugliness
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5
It is complicated
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Im just so bored and so pretty and not white
15TH FEB 2012
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25TH MAY 2011
I GUESS WHATSSO PUBLICLY
PROVOCATIVE
ABOUT MYCLOTHING IS THAT
IM UGLY,
SINCE MOST IF NOTALL OF WHAT I
WEAR ON A MORE
ATTRACTIVE PERSONDRAWS LITTLE
TO NO NEGATIVE
ATTENTION.
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31ST OCT 2011
I LEARNEDNOT TO FEAR
PHYSICAL
UGLINESS ALONG TIME AGO,
AND AM ONLYBEGINNING TOUNDERSTAND
THE POTENTIALOF EMOTIONAL
UGLINESS.27
15TH DEC 2011
Why is it that when white men talk to me they so often feelthe need to say stupid offensive racist shit?
Do they think its cute?
Why do you tell me Im beautiful and then make fun of myparents language? It doesnt sound anything like the noiseyou just made. Stop calling me Polynesian you sound like anidiot and I just told you my ethnicity.
Or that person last night who felt absolutely offended by thefact that a gogo dancer wouldnt want to be touched. Like,youre the one that did wrong in this situation, stop actinglike a victim for being told not to touch.
Im one of the most beautiful creatures you will ever havethe privilege of witnessing, so show some fucking respect.
1ST JAN 2012
M.C. Butterfly
Downfall of all whitekind
Beauty Dragon of the Southwest
Reigning Goddess of Central Timezone
Misandrist fem separatist ladyboy
High glamour low level crystal priestess
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THE UNFORTUNATE REALITY THAT MY BODY IS A
POLITICAL SITE AND MY SELF CARE IS A RADICALACTION
17TH JAN 2011
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BLESSED ARE THE SISSIES
BLESSED ARE THE BOI DYKES
BLESSED ARE THE PEOPLE OF COLOR MY BELOVED KITHAND KIN
BLESSED ARE THE TRANS
BLESSED ARE THE HIGH FEMMES
BLESSED ARE THE SEX WORKERS
BLESSED ARE THE AUTHENTIC
BLESSED ARE THE DIS-IDENTIFIERS
BLESSED ARE THE GENDER ILLUSIONISTS
BLESSED ARE THE NON-NORMATIVEBLESSED ARE THE GENDERQUEERS
BLESSED ARE THE KINKSTERS
BLESSED ARE THE DISABLED
BLESSED ARE THE HOT FAT GIRLS
BLESSED ARE THE WEIRDO-QUEERS
BLESSED IS THE SPECTRUM
BLESSED IS CONSENT
BLESSED IS RESPECT
BLESSED ARE THE BELOVED WHO I DIDNT DESCRIBE, ICOULDNT DESCRIBE, WILL LEARN TO DESCRIBE AND RE-SPECT AND LOVE
AMEN
LITANIES TO MY HEAVENLYBROWN BODY (CONT):
17TH JAN 2011
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23RD SEP 2011
sketch for possible 3-dimensional object/gross
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4
Know beauty