① Susan Krantz 与《外籍教师点评英语作文》一书 ② 《高中英语课程标准》解读

一、背景介绍

二、思考之一

语言表达方式受传统习惯的影响 / 英语文化中的人士的表达方式1 、中国英语教师教作文的方式与 error gravity

中国人往往注意理性分析、逻辑思维 , 往往注重结果 , 总要得出结论。西方人写作则较多利用实证分析、实例分析方法。他们注重对过程和事实的描述 ,往往不得出结果 , 让读者自己分析、并得出结论。“ English writing is more direct. Things are clearly explained. Details or facts are required to support the topic.” （ Susan Krantz 2001 ）

我们来看一看美国明尼苏达州雷德温市市长重访浙江衢州后，对衢州所发生的变化所发出的感言。（摘录）

“One Foot in the Future and One Foot in the Past”. This is my foremost impression as I visit Quzhou. One cannot miss the old and the new existing side by side. As a foreigner it is difficult to say which is the ‘Real China’. Is it the large number of people riding their old bicycles loaded down with goods or is it the black shiny luxury car being driven down the street? Is it the school in rural areas with the leaking roof or is it the modern schools being built in Quzhou? Is it the four lane expressway or is it the single lane walking path to a remote village? Everywhere I look I see the old and the new existing side by side. “One Foot in the Future and One Foot in the Past”.…

I am especially familiar with farms and farm cooperatives. My stay in Quzhou has provided me with the opportunity to participate in meetings about agriculture. When I attend the meetings it seems as if I have been there before. I am thinking-am I watching a rerun of “An Old Movie”? This type of meetings has taken place in American communities and farms a number of years ago.

I have walked along the river bank with a fresh breeze blowing that picked my spirits up and made me forget my homesickness. I have gazed across the river to the new western section of Quzhou where all the new growth of the town is expected to go.

　　下面几段话是摘自美国明尼苏达州雷德温市希尔顿剧院经理、导演希恩 - 多尔兹先生在衢州二中任教时所写的感言。

During my second week at Quzhou No.2 Middle School , I have the high honor of working with a group of dedicated, hard working, and very smart teachers and administrators who have made me feel very welcome and instantly a part of their team.

Each day continues to be a wonderful new adventure in food, people, and places.

It is incredibly ancient yet young, brash, and full of energy.

The owner was lounging in a chair dozing. My friend got his attention.

He said: "It probably won't sound too good, I am a little drunk."

The musician broke away from her busy day to tape picks to her fingers, laboriously tune the 21-stringed instrument .

Music, though, is universal, and being abstract, can be shared equally and without translation.

　　 This cultural base of China, this strain of music that vibrates through the soul of a people, and this way of making and sharing music, will serve, in this 　 outsider's mostly ignorant opinion, as part of the solid ground upon which China can build a dynamic and powerful future.

中国学生的句子

1 ．原句： I think if you know the two sides of the netting, you will have a good way of using the computer. 修改后句子： The Internet has two sides, you will just have to find a good way of using it.2 ．原句： When I have free time, I’ll enjoy them very much. 修改后句子： I think when I have free time I will play with them a lot. 3 ．原句： Fishing, collecting stamps, I just like them. 修改后句子： Fishing, collecting stamps, I like them all.

4 ．原句： On the other side there may be a famous emblematic building of the country, and also have the value of the coin and the date. 修改后句子： On the other side there may be a famous emblematic building of the country, the date and the value of the coin.5 ．原句： In the basketball court two strong teams were playing a bitter match. One of the teams is ours, the other is class 4’s team. 修改后句子： On the basketball court there were two very good teams playing a bitter match, one of the teams was ours, the other one was class 4’s. 6 ．原句： The last minute arrived and the scores were equal. We pushed for victory and we won 23-21. 修改后句子： Finally the last minute arrived and the scores were equal, we really wanted to win and so we tried our hardest and the final score was 23-21. We won.

7 ．原句： I flew with Northwest Airlines from Shanghai Pudong International Airport ， we passed across the Pacific Ocean and our plane arrived in Detroit at 10:30 in the morning, local time.修改后句子： I flew with Northwest Airlines from Shanghai Pudong International Airport ， we flew across the Pacific Ocean. We arrived in Detroit at 10:30 in the morning, local time8 ．原句： The second floor included about ten rooms. Some were used to be offices, the others were bedrooms for some workers.修改后句子： Some were used as offices, the others were useds as bedroom for workers.

9 ．原句： I was very glad when we went to the country, because of the interesting things there.修改后句子： I always enjoy seeing the beautiful things in the countryside.10 ．原句： On the evening of Oct 18, the Chinese national football team got the ticket to the World Cup.修改后句子： On the evening of Oct.18, the Chinese national football team secured their place in the World Cup.11 ．原句： The first company said that my sister was not old enough and then we lost our way and couldn’t find the second company.修改后句子： My sister failed in getting that job that was because they said she was too young.

教材中的经典句子：

1. Every now and then, we get the itch to travel. This phenomenon, may explain why people spend so much money on trips to interesting places.2. Downtown Rio is the city’s cultural and historical heart.3. A walk through downtown Rio is a history lesson and an adventure.4. A walk around Kitzbuhel is a feast for the eyes — a lively mix of old village culture and the excitement of an international tourist area.5. Located in southern Austria, Kitzbuhel is a paradise for skiers.

以下两篇短文是衢州二中高三（ 1 ）班祝嘉玮同学在学习了高二课本 The water Plannet 及 Destinations 后写的文章： Poor sanitation Imagine this, when you go into a public toilet, an unpleasant smell comes to you, the floor is almost covered by rubbish and the tap is no longer running, there's no tissue and of course no liquid soap. What would you feel? It is clear that no one could tolerate such things. And what's more, walking along the street and look at the dustbins, they're so dirty and much garbage lying on the ground, no one feels like walking close to such awful things.

According to the World Health Organization, poor sanitation has become one of the three biggest killers in the world and it can cause many other problems, such as air pollution and infections, especially in rural areas, where people have environmentally unfriendly habits and less education.

I believe that education is the key to the solutions for the poor sanitation, with better education, people will be able to build a better society in harmony with nature.

All too often, people think that taking action to improve the sanitation is the government's job, however, it's absolutely incorrect, all of us have responsibilities to keep our living environment clean and tidy. Government educates people and makes us aware of the situation, but nothing will be improved until ordinary people like you and I start acting differently.

外教点评： I hope the future will in fact be greener and cleaner. I think you are absolutely correct, education is important, but action is essential. I look forward to the day when the whole world enjoys proper sanitation.

Shadow of AIDS Imagine this: you are 5 years old and the AIDS hit your whole family, your father, your mother and yourself. You mother died of the disease and your father is still struggling with it, you can't survive on your own. What would you think, and what would you do?

AIDS has already orphaned millions of children in the world, and about 3 million people die of the disease every year, each year, more than 5 million people become infected with the virus.

I have to say that AIDS has become the most serious social problem in contemporary society. The tragedy of AIDS has already cast its shadow on our lives. HIV spreads fast, especially in Africa and parts of Asia, and what was worse, most of these countries do not have enough money to prevent and treat the disease, and the knowledge about AIDS/HIV is still unknown to many.

AIDS village--all the people live in that area are infected

with HIV, most of whom contracted HIV virus in the early 19

90s through the unsafe blood selling. Fortunately, the gover

nment has already paid attention to it and begun to take ste

ps to solve the serious problem.

Most of the AIDS patients have to suffer not only from th

e disease but also from people's fear of them. If we want to

do something to help the patients to get out of the shadow, t

he first thing is to change people's mind of AIDS and let the

m know that it is safe to shake hands, talk and eat with som

eone who has AIDS. We could try our best to encourage th

em to face their lives--short, but meaningful.

Human beings should make every effort to cure such a disease, leading to a world where everybody could enjoy a healthier and happier life since the shadow of AIDS has gone with the wind. You grab the reader's interest by having us imagine how we would feel if we have AIDS, a great beginning. Your writing about this serious problem is very sensitive. I think you help people understand AIDS and care about people with AIDS.

思考之二

激发学生学习英语写作动机的途径——教师（外教）点评获得乐趣，感到满足，持之以恒。 中外文化对话，领悟异域文化。

Excellent. I love your description! I think it would be even better to live there. It seems very peaceful. I don’t know why. Maybe gardens make things peaceful. My mom has a garden in the summer that is full of asparagus, flowers, eggplants, beans, pears, and tomatoes! So, I love gardens! Hence, I like your story.

Excellent, it is very important to be able to tell the good and the bad things about everything. your analysis and explanation is very clear you have obviously spent time over this. well done.

Very well written, it is important to have a hobby and it sounds like you really enjoy collecting these books. However, you must make sure that your hobby doesn’t take the place of your studies. Well done.

It is great that you are interested in the coins of other countr

ies. It is so important to understand the cultures and lifestyles

of other countries so that we can learn from one another and

make the world better. Well done.

My goodness ！ That sounds wonderful, I was on the edge

of my seat. a very exciting game. your story is wellwritten.

Fantastic ！ well written ， it sounds like you had a great ti

me. You are so lucky to have the opportunity to go and see s

o many wonderful places, some people never leave their hom

e town. I hope you remember this trip for a long time.

Your dormitory life sounds very exciting and enjoyable. When China was accepted to the world Cup I was in I saw all the excitement. I am not surprised you were so happy well written.

Chen Wen, This is a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing it with me! Do you want to have a mud ball fight with me? Let’s do it! My grandfather took care of his beautiful tomatoes as it they were his children too.

Very good, sorry that your sister didn’t find a job, but it gave you a chance to see the beautiful city of shanghai. I hope that you succeed in the future.