A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?""You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist."That's it, I can never remember that word."

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time. The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned. The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned. The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".

Chemicals: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!

Two molecules are walking down the street and they run into each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?""No, I lost an electron!""Are you sure?" "I'm positive!"

•  And now the tasting test...  • And now shake it a bit...  • In which glass was my mineral water?  • Why does that stuff burn with a green flame?!?  • And now the detonating gas problem.  • This is a completely safe experimental setup.  • Now you can take the protection window away...  • Where do all those holes in my kettle come from?  • And now a cigarette...

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help to make water. So, sometimes it's brother against brother.

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.

How chemists do it...

Chemists do it reactively.Chemists do it in test tubes.Chemists do it in equilibrium

You Might Be a Chemist if...

you carry your lab safety goggles around with you at all times, just in case... you don't drink water, you drink H2O.

you start disagreeing with movies and TV shows on scientific aspects.

• You Might Be a Chemist if...

• you carry a base solution around with you at all times, just in case one of those freak Hydrochloric acid spills happen.

• you become very agitated when people refer to air as Oxygen, and proceed to list all of the components of air. instead of writing ozone you write O3.

• you start referring to the smell of nail polish remover as an acetone smell.

You Might Be a Chemist if… you no longer ask for Tylenol, you ask for

acetaminophen. you actually enjoy going to Chemistry class. you think a mole is a unit of amount, rather

than a small furry animal in your lawn.

• You Might Be a Chemist if…• you pronounce unionized as "un-ion-ized",

instead of "union-ized". • you wash your hands before you go to the

bathroom. • you start explaining the condensation of

water vapour every time your soda can has water drops and people think water is coming out of the can.

• Old Chemists never die, they just stop reacting

Q: What is “HIJKLMNO”?A: H2O

Q: What happened to the man who was stopped for having sodium chloride and a nine-volt in his car?

A: He was booked for a salt and battery.

• You Might Be a Chemist if…• you pronounce unionized as "un-ion-ized",

instead of "union-ized". • you wash your hands before you go to the

bathroom. • you start explaining the condensation of

water vapour every time your soda can has water drops and people think water is coming out of the can.