Dear Bar/Bat Mitzvah Family,

We are so happy to welcome you to the experience of Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Temple Beth David. Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a journey that not only involves the teen – it is a family affair. Just as the young person begins a new chapter in his or her involvement in Jewish learning and living, so to do the parents and all the family. This is the essence of a beautiful and meaningful Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration: Participation and involvement.

Of course, the uniqueness of each family and its special needs are given sensitive consideration as we work together to create each person’s role in the Bar/Bat Mitzvah rituals.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not the end of Jewish education. It is, rather, a transition from elementary to advanced studies. It is a preparation for Jewish life - not merely for a single event. We look forward to our students continuing their formal education at our Confirmation classes. In addition, we encourage you to continue informal Jewish education by affiliating with our youth group and our youth group programs.

We extend to each of you our heartiest Mazel Tov in anticipation of our forthcoming celebration together. By working hand in hand during these months of preparation, we can ensure that the entire Bar/Bat Mitzvah experience will be rewarding for the entire family.

May we be blessed with many opportunities for rejoicing together at Temple Beth David. We wish you much joy and happiness in your simcha.

Rabbi Michael SingerCantor Danielle BensimhonSusann Ferrara, Executive DirectorPeter Eckstein, Director of Congregational Learning

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INTRODUCTION:Becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is a pivotal event in the life of a young Jew. Being called to the Torah for the first time is an exciting, awesome moment. It is inspiring to see one’s child on the bima using the skills that have been acquired through study and hard work. Judaism is saying, “You are important. Your people care about you. They want you to be an asset to yourself, to your family and to Klal Yisrael, the Jewish people.”

We recognize, as did our ancestors, the importance of punctuating our life cycle events with ceremony. A Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony is a link in an unbroken chain of thousands of years of Jewish tradition. Every Bar/Bat Mitzvah can be understood as a symbolic renewal of Abraham’s covenant with God.

As the teen affirms a commitment to lead a responsible Jewish life, the Jewish people are renewed and strengthened. The celebration takes place because the Jewish community rejoices as another young person chooses to identify with it.

The term Bar/Bat Mitzvah literally means “son or daughter of the commandments.” Until the age of 13, children are under the care of their parents. At the age of 13, they become responsible Jewish adults where they can:

count in a Minyan, form binding contracts, testify before a religious court, even marry.

At the age of 13, children automatically become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah - no ceremony is needed. A Bar/Bat Mitzvah is the celebrant’s first Aliyah, which is marked by the public calling up (Aliyah) to the Torah before the entire community. This then marks the transition to adulthood with all its privileges and responsibilities.

The Goals of Temple Beth David’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah Program

● First and foremost, we hope to nurture and grow a relationship between the Bar/Bat Mitzah and his/her Jewish heritage, temple (TBD), clergy and their community of friends and family.

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● To ensure that each Bar/Bat Mitzvah reaches his/her individual potential in participating in the service.

● To encourage participation in Shabbat, holiday services and in synagogue life after the Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration.

● To instill a sense of pride for each student in his/her accomplishment and in the attainment of this important milestone.

● Participation in a Mitzvah Project and an understanding of Tzedakah.● To ensure the highest quality in the reading/chanting of the

Torah, Haftorah and all prayers with particular emphasis on accurate pronunciation.

● To teach the method of chanting Torah and Haftorah, through accurate application of the tropes so that students will be prepared to learn other portions beyond their Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

The Following Areas of Participation are Expected for Each Student

To recognize and apply the melodies to the text of the following:● Torah blessings,● Haftorah blessings,● Various parts of the service,● Chanting the Haftorah,● Chanting the Maftir Torah portion.● Leading the Torah service● Leading parts of the Friday night service.

Additional material will only be given to the child once the required material is mastered.

The Bat MitzvahWhile the Bar Mitzvah ceremony for boys dates back to the sixth century, the observance of the Bat Mitzvah ceremony for girls was only introduced in 1922 by Rabbi Mordecai Kaplan, professor of the Jewish Theological Seminary (the seat of the Conservative Movement in America). His daughter became the first Bat Mitzvah. Today, the ceremony is spreading to the Orthodox and Chasidic communities and is accepted throughout all the other branches of Judaism.

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It is important to note that a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is not the goal of a Jewish education, nor is it a graduation ceremony marking the end of a person’s Jewish education. It is just the beginning! We are obligated to study Torah throughout our lives.

Involving the Whole FamilyAs parents, we need to serve as role models for the values we want to teach. Some suggestions:

Learn to read Hebrew (take an Adult Education class at the Temple or ask for a simple reading primer book).

Learn to read Torah, i.e. attend Torah Reading Club. Attend services more frequently to get familiar with the prayer

book and service. Sign up for a Torah study class with the Rabbi. Create a personal Tallit or go together to buy one.

A child’s attitude toward becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah is most often a reflection of a parent’s attitude toward that important event as well as their eagerness, excitement and nervousness. The relative value which a child places on the religious element of the event is to a large degree a reflection of a parent’s values.

Accept the preparations “cheerfully” (which may not be easy). Include the child in all planning (it is a family affair). Discuss giving some of the gifts towards Tzedakah.

Mitzvah ProjectsAs part of our B’nai Mitzvah requirements, students must undertake a Mitzvah project at home, Temple or the community at large. Following are some examples from which the students might choose but are not limited to:

- Mazon - Animal Shelters - Magen David Adom - Hospitals - Food Pantries - Senior Facilities - Support for Jewish soldiers - Israel

-Orphnages(Proposed projects must be approved by the Rabbi)

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TwinningAs you plan a meaningful celebration, you can also participate in another mitzvah – remembering. Memory is the living core of the Jewish people.

“Remember Us”The Holocaust B’nai Mitzvah Project offers children who are preparing for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah the opportunity to connect with the memories of children lost in the holocaust before they could be called to the Torah. Simple acts of remembrance move our children from learning to commitment.

The students participating in this program will receive a Memorial Page containing the name of one lost child and all the available information. We also encourage incorporating this experience into the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Speech and booklet.

To learn about this important “twinning” program, please email Rose Rosenkranz at siberose@bellsouth.net.

RequirementsIt has been said that it takes an entire village to raise a child. The responsibilities for a child to become a Bar/Bat Mitzvah at Temple Beth David require an educational partnership between the family and the congregation.

These responsibilities are as follows: Enrollment ~

Students must be enrolled in our religious school or in the Arthur I. Meyer Academy for three years prior to their Bar/Bat Mitzvah date.

It is within the religious school that children learn about Jewish culture, traditions and heritage; build fluency in Hebrew decoding, to understand the prayers, and practice the chants of our synagogue as well as create community with other young people their age.

Services ~ The best preparation for a meaningful Bar/Bat Mitzvah is regular attendance at our Synagogue Services. We offer youth and family oriented Shabbat experiences, as well as our regular

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traditional services. It is an opportunity to practice what is learned in class in front of their peers and the congregation. Additionally, it reinforces the value of being part of the Jewish community.

For parents, attending services provides an opportunity to become more familiar with the choreography of the service as well as a time to be together as a family. Remember, children learn more from what a parent does than by the words that they speak. (Adult education classes are given to learn to read Hebrew as well.)

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All Synagogue service attendance requirements must be fulfilled yearly.

Grades 3 to 4: Four Shabbat morning servicesTwo (2) Friday Night services

Grades 5 & 6: Five (5) Shabbat morning servicesThree (3) Friday Night services

Pre-B’nai Mitzvah: Eight months prior ~ attend at least one (1) Saturday morning service a month.One month prior ~ Attend at least three (3) out of four (4) Saturday morning services.

The above may include up to two (2) Shabbatot at another synagogue provided a letter is submitted from the parents for each attendance. All requirements must be fulfilled two (2) weeks prior to the Bar/Bar Mitzvah.

Attendance ~Students must be enrolled with regular attendance either at Arthur I. Meyer Academy or TBD Religious School. Seventy percent attendance is required with all class work up-to-date.

Lessons ~All scheduled lessons with Rabbi Singer and the Cantor must be attended on time, with the proper materials and preparation.

B’nai Mitzvah Contract ~Thirteen (13) attributes provided by Cantor Bensimhon.

Mitzvah Project ~The required Mitzvah Project must be proposed in writing, approved by Rabbi Singer and actively worked on.

Family Synagogue Responsibilities ~

Provide UshersFor your Friday night and Saturday morning services.

For Friday Eveningo Sponsor an Oneg Shabbat for the congregation and your

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o Order Bimah flowers or make a monetary donation to Mazon or a local food bank which will be symbolically reflected by our prepared food baskets.

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For Saturday Morningo Kiddush for congregation and guests. Oneg and Kiddush

are part and extension of the Shabbat Services and celebration. You must select one of the TBD approved caterers to provide the Oneg & Kiddush.

o Bar/Bat Mitzvah Fees ~ $750.00All TBD financial obligations are to be current and up-to-date with no prior balances on the account. A non-refundable deposit of $150 is required when you request your child’s Bar/Bat Mitzvah date. The balance of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah fee ($600) is billed at the time the student enters the program and is due six months prior to the date of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

FRIDAY EVENING SERVICE:o Services begin at 6:00 p.m.

The family sits in the first row center. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah student sits next to the Cantor on the Bimah and will help lead services as pre-arranged with the Cantor.

o Aliyot/Honors Allocation ~An Aliyah List Form is distributed by Rabbi at the first meeting with him. It is due no later than 3 weeks prior to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.Candles: Usually the family of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah family lights the Shabbat candles, if circumstances permit.

SATURDAY MORNING SERVICE:o Arrive early (9:00 a.m.) to greet guests.

The front row is reserved for the family.

Parents ~ o During the service, the Torah will be handed down from

generation to generation: from grandparents or great-grandparents down to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

o During the service, Parents are asked to give a short charge to their child. One or both parents may do so. No more than 5 minutes total.

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Students ~o It is customary and traditional for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah to give a

D’var Torah during the service. This is literally “a word of Torah”. It is a lesson about their Torah portion and is prepared with the Rabbi.

o The student is also asked to make another speech about his/her Mitzvah Project and give thanks to his/her family, teachers and clergy.

SERVICE/ATTIRE DECORUM:(Note: All guests receiving an Aliyah must be Jewish and wear a head covering. Other Honors may be given to Non-Jewish family members as agreed upon by the clergy.)

o Taking out Torah ~ L’Dor V’dorReserved for the parents and grandparents/great grandparents of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. The Torah is passed down through the generations.

Aliy0to Torah Blessings ~

Individuals given this honor will need to know the blessings before and after the Torah.

o An individual Aliyah may be given to either a Jewish individual or a Jewish married couple. They will be called by their individual Hebrew names as they approach the Torah on the Rabbi’s side and stand to the right of the Torah reader. The Torah reader will point to a place in the Torah where the individual should touch with the edge of their tallit. After kissing the edge of their tallit, the chanting of the BEFORE blessings begins while holding the right wooden handle of the Torah. This is repeated with the blessing AFTER the Torah reading. As the next Aliyah is called to the bima, the individual or couple will move to the left of the Torah reader and wait until the next reading is over. At that time, they may exit the bima shaking hands of the bima guests.

o (Please refer to the Aliyah List in the Appendix)

o Hagbah (lifting the Torah) ~ a one person honor. The person should be able to lift 30 pounds above their heads. They grasp the Torah by the wooden handles, turn away from the congregation to expose (3) columns of text. He or she should

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then sit while another person (Gelilah) will roll the Torah closed, wrap and dress it.

o Gelilah (dressing the Torah) ~ can be one or two people. After Torah is dressed, the individuals may return to their seats in the congregation.

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Other Honorso Returning the Torah to Arko Open Ark ~ May be given to individual, couple, family or two

families.o Carry Torah ~ The Bar/Bat Mitzvah carries the Torah through

the congregation and back to the bima to be returned to the Ark.

o Non-Jewish friends and family can be honored with an English reading of the Prayer for our Country or Prayer for Peace. In addition, a non-Jewish parent has the opportunity to bless their child when giving them their Tallit as well as giving a parental charge.

The Rabbi welcomes all questions about Aliyot and is available for guidance.

PRESENTATION OF SYNAGOGUE GIFTS:Gifts from the Congregation, Sisterhood, Men’s Club, and Youth Group may be presented to each Bar/Bat Mitzvah by the Director of Congregational Learning, President of the Congregation and others chosen by the Rabbi. Should you want to make personal presenter choices, please speak to the Rabbi. Gifts may not be removed from the Synagogue on Shabbat but can be picked up Sunday morning or thereafter.

A Special Message to Families with Divorce…

o What matters most is that parents behave with dignity and with sensitivity in keeping with the sanctity of the synagogue and Shabbat and in the best interest of their child. In addition, all matters relating to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah should be thoroughly clarified well in advance.

o Think about the welfare of your child. It should not be an occasion to add unnecessary stress to the family.

o Take ample time to prepare. A divorce may make it harder so it is suggested that dealing early with all issues and contingencies together will make it easier.

o The synagogue will meet with individual parents to review all the specifics. If only one parent is a member of the synagogue, the member should share all pertinent information with the former spouse.

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o The synagogue is open to everyone. There should be no effort to stop a person from being present.

o Rituals can be modified. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah format can be adjusted, as warranted by the circumstances, wherever possible. Both parents should have a role in the ceremony.

o Cooperate in planning the reception(s). The child should not feel pressured or drawn into competition by the parents.

FACILITIES:o Sanctuary Seating Capacity ~ Approximately 250.

o Photography/Videotaping (DVD)Because our Synagogue observes the sanctity of Shabbat, there is no photography anywhere on the Temple premises from Friday evening through Saturday evening. Please contact the Temple Office to arrange for the automated videotaping with the special equipment in place. DVD cost is $150.00.

o Food and Flowers The family of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is responsible for bimah flowers and sponsoring the Friday evening Oneg Shabbat as well as the Saturday morning Kiddush for everyone that attends the services. All expenses associated with food, consumable materials and supplies, service and set-up are the responsibility of the family. All food must be in accordance with the Kashrut standards of the Synagogue (see list of approved caterers). All deliveries must be received before 1 p.m. on Friday, preferably earlier. The synagogue office closes at 3 p.m. on Friday.If flowers are ordered for the bimah, the minimum dimensions are at least 36" high above the container and 24"wide so they can be seen from the back of the sanctuary. In lieu of flowers, a donation in an appropriate amount can be made to JFCS Food Bank or other food bank to feed the hungry and two Temple pre-prepared baskets of empty food containers will be displayed representing the donation. The office needs to be informed by Tuesday of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah week as to whether flowers or food baskets will be used on the Bima.

o Kippot, Tallitot The Synagogue has a Kipah available for each guest; however, you may choose to order imprinted kippot at your option and expense. A Bar/Bat Mitzvah is expected to wear a Tallit. Both

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Kippot as well as Tallitot may be purchased in our Gift Shop. Please contact the Temple Office.

o Musical Entertainment during Kiddush Musical entertainment during the Saturday Kiddush can be a wonderful way to enhance the spirit and joy of Shabbat and your simcha. In order to permit the use of musical instruments on Shabbat, the following rules are mandatory:o All instruments must be brought to the synagogue before

Shabbat on Friday and remain in the synagogue until after Shabbat so that carrying on Shabbat does not take place.

o All instruments are set up and put together before Shabbat on Friday so as not to build something new on Shabbat.

o If an instrument breaks, the instrument is not fixed and is put aside and a spare instrument is used whenever possible. This prevents needing to fix or repair anything on Shabbat.

o Only Jewish celebration music is permitted (Klezmer, traditional Jewish songs, hora music).

Any violation of these rules will result in the music being stopped regardless of the band being under contract.

o Special Needs There is wheel-chair access as well as devices for the Hearing Impaired.

o Approved Caterers Greenseid Catering ~ (954) 346-7545Moni’s Catering ~ (561) 389-3791VIP Caterers ~ (561) 241-8000

Please contact Susann Ferrara at the Temple Office with questions.

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Ushering Requirementso One of the required responsibilities of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah

family is to usher at one Saturday Shabbat Service prior to their own.

o It affords an opportunity to become familiar with the order of the Service and what is expected of all Bar/Bat Mitzvah families.

o You welcome TBD family members and distribute books.o You help maintain decorum through the service.

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o Your presence will help assure another family of a wonderful experience and, in turn, another family will do the same for you.

Special Social Hall UsageRental of the Social Hall for optional Shabbat dinner after Friday night services – cost is $200 (price is subject to change), plus the cost of catering. It is customary to invite the clergy to all Shabbat dinners.Please contact Susann Ferrara at the Temple Office.

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General Decorum During Serviceso No Smoking

Please advise your guests that there is no smoking anywhere on the Synagogue grounds on Shabbat (which includes Friday night).

o Attire All men must wear a Kipah (head covering); Jewish men wear a Tallit (prayer shawl). Jewish women may wear a Tallit also. When women are on the Bimah (prayer platform), their heads and shoulders should be covered.

o Children We encourage children to attend and enjoy our services. Children are the responsibility of their parents. The playground equipment may NOT be used.

o Cell Phones & Beepers Cell Phones/Beepers must be silenced or turned off during services and while in the synagogue building.

General Informationo Sending Invitations

It is Temple Beth David’s Policy that all Religious School classmates are to be invited to all of their classmates’ Bar/Bat Mitzvah services. It is the parents’ decision as to whether to invite them to the party afterwards; however, we ask that you please be sensitive to exclusion.

o “Shabbat Shalom” Service Pamphlet- not later than Tuesday of the week before the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, you should provide the Temple Office with the following information for the "Shabbat Shalom" pamphlet that is given out every Shabbat:

1) The Kiddush is sponsored by _________________ (you fill in the blank) in honor of _________becoming a Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah 2a) The flowers are sponsored by _________________ in honor of __________ becoming a Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah

OR2b) A donation has been made to the JFCS Food Bank to feed the hungry by ___________ in honor of __________ becoming a Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah

Also let the Office know your paper color choice for the ‘Shabbat Shalom” (we have nine colors available plus white, or you can also provide your own special 8½ x 11 paper if you wish), and

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how many guests you are expecting (so we can add this number to our regular number of congregants attending and copy the right total amount of pamphlets).

o DonationsAmong the traditions associated with the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is one in which a contribution is offered to the Synagogue in honor of the celebrant. Its attainment is a great achievement and a great joy. It is only fitting to want to give it lasting significance by making a traditional donation to the Synagogue and thus to your child’s future religious life. This may be through projects as a leaf on the The Tree of Life or other Temple Funds. For more information, contact the Synagogue office.

o Mazon ~ A Jewish Response to HungerMazon offers you the opportunity to share your good fortune with others. You can enhance the significance of memorable occasions and bring food and hope to hungry people. Mazon asks each family to contribute a suggested amount of 3% of the cost of the simcha or 3% of the gifts received to this wonderful cause.

o Teen Tzedakah ProjectThe aim of the Teen Tzedakah Project is to create within teenagers in grades 7-12 a lifelong commitment to the Jewish values of Tzedakah and Tikun Olan through the giving of both time and money. It empowers teens to learn how to sustain the Jewish community at an early age.

Through a minimum donation of $125, a teen can establish a Teen Philanthropic Fund in his/her name that will be matched by donors 3:1 for a minimum of $500 in the teen’s fund. Every year, the teen will be able to allocate money from the fund to the Jewish organization(s) of his/her choosing. In addition, teens have the opportunity to participate in events throughout the year that connect with others involved in the project and learn about tzedakah and philanthropy through workshops, guest speakers, site visits, and a Spring Gala event where everyone comes together to formally allocate their donations to the organizations of their choice. Contact the Commission for Jewish Education at 640-0700 for more information.

o Tutoring Procedure Information

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The tutoring process with the Cantor generally begins at least 6 months prior to the date of your Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Tutoring will take place once a week for a half-hour at the synagogue.

If your child has special needs or requires additional Hebrew enrichment, the synagogue will advise on additional tutoring. Please note that this additional service will be paid for by the family. Such needs will be determined by the Director of Congregational Learning, Rabbi and Cantor.

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Temple Beth David Bar/Bat MitzvahParents’ Preparation Timeline

Check List:

At least two years prior to child’s 13 th birthday ● Set Bar/Bat Mitzvah date with the Rabbi. (Your child must be

attending our Religious School or Arthur I. Meyer Jewish Academy.

● A $150.00 non-refundable deposit to secure date. The balance fee of $600 will be due six months before the Simcha.

Eighteen months prior ● Choose a Caterer for the Friday Oneg, Saturday Kiddush (check

handbook for approved list). ● Choose a celebration site. Please consider our synagogue as a

possible celebration site.● Attend Family B’nai Mitzvah Club meetings at the Temple.

One year prior ● Book your photographer and/or videographer, DJ or band for

your celebration.

Six months prior ● The balance of the B’nai Mitzvah fee ($600) must be paid in full.● Begin B’nai Mitzvah lessons with Cantor Bensimhon.● Attendance at Shabbat Services is required. Friday evening

services begin at 6:00 p.m. and Saturday services begin at 9:15 a.m.

● Selection of Mitzvah Project.● Ordering of invitations.● Plan optional Shabbat Dinner to follow services on Friday night

(if planned in Temple). (Customary to invite Clergy and their families). In addition to Caterer’s fees there will be a $200 facility fee for set-up and clean-up.

● Order Kippot and Tallit (from TBD Gift Shop or other vendor).

● Request Torah readings from Cantor to give to family members who can read Torah.

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Two months prior ● Make arrangements with the Rabbi to begin your family sessions.● Send out invitations (Please include all the children in your

child’s Hebrew School class).● Submit a picture of your child with a short bio to be printed in

the monthly Temple Bulletin.● Work on putting together a personal program to be given out at

services (optional).● Attend Shabbat Services.

One month prior ● Order (2) flower arrangements for the bimah (should be at least

3’ tall), to be delivered to the temple no later than 1 p.m. on Friday (Our Food Baskets with a donation to feed the hungry are another option).

● Order small flower centerpieces for social hall tables (optional).● Print your personal program (optional).● Finalize your Aliyah list with the Rabbi.● Finalize your menu for Shabbat dinner, Oneg, Kiddush, and

private party with your caterer.● Make arrangements with the Rabbi for a run-thru (dress

rehearsal) within one week of the B’nai Mitzvah. This is an opportunity for your photographer to take pictures.

● Attend Shabbat morning services.● Arrange for ushers for Friday night and Saturday morning services.

One week prior ● Make arrangements with the Temple office to videotape the

Friday and Saturday services using the Temple’s automated equipment (optional).

● Attend Shabbat Services and be recognized by congregation.

One day prior (Thursday) ● Dress rehearsal with Rabbi.● Deliver kippot and programs to the temple. ● Check on flower arrangement delivery for next day.

Then RELAX!

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