a simple change

7/28/2019 A Simple Change

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h o m e t o Am A n A

Judith Miller

5

imple ChAngeA


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2013 by Judith A. Millr

Publishd by Bthany Hous Publishrs

11400 Hampshir Avnu South

Bloomington, Minnsota 55438

www.bthanyhous.com

Bthany Hous Publishrs is a division ofBakr Publishing Group, Grand Rapids, Michigan

Printd in th Unitd Stats of Amrica

All rights rsrvd. No part of this publication may b rproducd, stord in a rtriva l

systm, or transmittd in any form or by any mansfor xampl, lctronic, photocopy,

rcordingwithout th prior writtn prmission of th publishr. Th only xcption is

brif quotations in printd rviws.

Library of Congrss Cataloging-in-Publication DataMillr, Judith.

A simpl chang / Judith Millr.

pags cm

Summary: Whn unforsn circumstancs driv Jancy Rhodr to mov to

th Amana Colonis, shll b forcd to rconsidr vrything sh wantd out of

lifand lovProvidd by publishr.

ISBN 978-0-7642-1001-3(pbk.)

I. Titl.

PS3613.C3858S56 2013

813.6dc23 2013010856

Scriptur quotations ar takn from th King Jams Vrsion of th Bibl.

This is a work of fiction. Nams, charactrs, incidnts, and dialogus ar products of th

authors imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events

or prsons, living or dad, is ntirly coincidntal.

Covr dsign by Lookout Dsign, Inc.

Covr photography by Aim Christnsn

Author is rprsntd by Books & Such Litrary Agncy.

13 14 15 16 17 18 19 7 6 5 4 3 2 1


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To Wndy Lawton

Thank you for your godly wisdom,

crativ spirit, boundlss ncouragmnt,

and unfailing frindship.


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A mans hart dvisth his way:

but th Lord dirctth his stps.Provrbs 16:9


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C H A P T e R 1

February 1881

Kansas City, Missouri

I lifted the lid of the gaily decorated story-day box sitting beside

m and glancd about th smicircl of childrn surrounding

my chair. Thir ys sparkld with anticipation as thy lookd

at th box and thn prd at m. Whn I didnt immdiatly

rmov anything from th box, th youngstrssix boys and

four girls, ranging in ag from fiv to tn yarscrand thir

ncks forward, hoping to catch a glimps of what might b

insid. Bfor thy could mt with any succss, I placd th

lid back on th box. Tn littl chsts dflatd, and a unifid

moan scapd thir lips.

Non of thm had dvlopd any patinc, at last not whnit prtaind to th story-day box. For th orphans who livd and

attended my classes in the Kansas City Charity Home, the weekly


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JU D I T H M I L L e R

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story-day vnt had bcom an nchanting tim that rivald vn

rcss.

Ntti strtchd hr arm and pointd hr indx fingr toward

th box. What did you bring, Miss Jancy?

Matthw foldd his body forward and turnd his had to fac

Ntti. Mr. Ludwig said wr supposd to call hr Miss Rhodr,

not Miss Jancy. H said Miss Jancy wasnt propr for a school-

tachr, didnt h, Miss Rhodr? Th nin-yar-old sat up and

brushd th dark strands of hair off his forhad.He did, Matthew. I believe Nettie merely forgot the new rule.

Th six-yar-old towhadd girl tuckd hr chin against hr

chst. Im sorry, Miss Rhodr.

Its quit all right, Ntti. Now that w hav a diffrnt dirc-

tor, w all must larn th nw ruls.

Although I thought this particular rgulation a bit silly, Idbn silnt about th chang whn Mr. Ludwig, th nw dirc-

tor, mad th announcmnt. My dcision had bn stratgic.

excpt for insisting th childrn addrss tachrs and othr staff

by surnams, Mr. Ludwigs rgulations wr lss stridnt than

those of the previous director. This particular rule didnt warrant

making wavs in th rathr calm sa of chang wd xprincd

sinc his arrival. Bsids, in th thr yars Id bn working at

th orphanag, Id larnd that challngs wr bst savd for

important issusons that most affctd th childrns car

and ducation.

Matthew scooted to the edge of his chair and squared his shoul-

drs. I alrady know all of th ruls.

Carolin liftd hr arm and wavd in my dirction. Onc Inoddd for hr to spak, Carolin turnd toward Matthw. You

dont know all the rules, Matthew Turner, or you would have raised


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A S I M PL e CH A NG e

9

your hand bfor spaking. Aftr dircting a smirk at Matthw,

Carolin pattd Nttis arm and whisprd in th girls ar.

John raisd his hand. Ar you going to tll us a story, Miss

Rhodr?

I am, but first wr going to do somthing diffrnt. Instad

of bringing a lot of my blongings from hom, I thought it would

b fun to mak som of th things w nd to hlp us act out our

story today.

My ida mt with mixd motions. Th girls appard plasdby th ida of participating in th activity, whil th boys wantd

to bgin th storytlling.

Matthw foldd his arms across his chst. Whats th story

and what do w hav to mak?

Today wr going to combin history with storytlling. Wr

going to rnact Gorg Washington crossing th Dlawar withhis troops. I lookd at Matthw and th othr boys. Thir frowns

turned to smiles at the mention of George Washington and his troops.

Whil raching into th story-box, I lookd around th group.

Who can think of somthing w might want to mak for our

journy across th rivr?

I know. I know! Charli shoutd. W nd boats.

Matthw jabbd th youngr boy with his lbow. W cant

build boats, Charli.

I stood and motiond to Charli. I think w can form som

prtnd boats with chairs. Would you lik to tak charg of th

boats for us, Charli?

H bobbd his had and smild. Want to hlp, Matthw?

Though I hadnt xpctd him to agr, Matthw jumpd tohis ft and pulld a chair to th far sid of th room. Lts do

it ovr hr.


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Onc th boys wr busy arranging chairs, I pulld a shaf of

nwspaprs from th story-box. W can mak tricorn hats out

of th nwspapr, and I brought som butchr papr w can paint

blu for th watr. I tappd my chin. I dont know what w can

us to crat mak-bliv ic in th watr. Any idas? I glancd

around th room.

Brti wavd toward th dining room. W can lump up som

of th towls and napkins.

The other girls applauded her suggestion, and soon the childrenwr hard at work crating th mock scn. Onc th scn was

compltd, I rlatd th story of how Gnral Washington had

rallid his mn, and how, in th frzing wathr, thyd succss-

fully crossd th frigid watrs.

Whn I finishd xplaining th history, I lookd at th group

of boys, all of thm agr to participat in acting out th story.Who would lik to play Gorg Washington?

To my surprise, Matthew motioned to Charlie. I think it should

b Charli. Hs th on who figurd out how to mak th chairs

into boats.

My hart swlld at Matthws suggstion. Hd suggstd

Charlie instead of himself for the major role. Such a thing wouldnt

hav happnd a yar ago, but throughout th past yar, with a

bit of coaching and ncouragmnt, Matthw had mad strids

in th right dirction.

Moments later, I pulled him aside. Im proud of you, Matthew.

His cheeks f lamed red from the praise, and he ducked his head.

H dsrvd it.

I squzd his shouldr. Why dont you tak charg of thscond boat?

Nodding, Matthw hurrid forward and motiond for svral


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of th childrn to join him. Ths slight modifications in th

childrns bhavior had bcom a masuring stick for m. Whn

I saw changs for th good, it confirmd that this orphanag was

whr I was mant to tach.

At th tim Id accptd th job, my parnts had xprssd

concrn. Thyd anticipatd that upon compltion of my duca-

tion, I would accpt a position at a finishing school for a yar

or two and thn marry. Instad, Id rturnd hom, accptd a

post at th orphanag school, and rmaind singlat last forth prsnt.

If Nathan Woodward had his way, wd alrady b marrid.

Nathan had provd to b th prsistnt sort. My fathr said that

was a good thing, but I wasnt so sure. At times, I thought him too

impatint, too agr, a bit too sur of himslf, and a bit too sur

of m, as wll. H nvr smd to doubt that w would on daymarry, but I rmaind uncrtain. I had yt to sns th stomach

flips and hart f luttrs my girlfrinds spok of xprincing whn

thyd falln in lov.

How dos this look, Miss Rhodr? Brti had scrunchd

frayd whit napkins into clumps and placd thm on th blu

butchr papr. Hnry says thy dont look lik ic, but I told

him hs supposd to us his imagination. Sh inchd closr to

my sid and prd at m with ys narly th sam shad of blu

as my own. Th chairs dont look lik boats, ithr. How com

Hnry didnt say that to Charli or Matthw?

Lets overlook what he said for today. I dont think he meant to

hurt your feelings. Although Bertie didnt appear convinced, she

agrd. evryon put on your hats and gathr at th shorlin.Henry perched his small hands on his hips and shook his head.

Thr wrnt any girls on th boats, Miss Rhodr.


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Brti juttd hr chin. Thr wrnt any boys, ithr, so if w

cant gt in th boats, nithr can you, Hnry.

Aftr a fw minuts of xplanation and arbitration, th chil-

drn gathrd to listn whil Charli gav a spch and rallid

th troops. Th childrn rowd with brooms and mops, pushing

asid th clumpd-up napkins whil prtnding to shivr from

th frzing tmpraturs.

I prtndd to wav from shor. What month and yar is it?

Matthw raisd his hand and I noddd at him. Dcmbr1776.

excllnt! And what war ar w fighting?

Bertie didnt wait for me to signal. Instead she cupped her hands

to hr lips. Th Rvolting War against th Bristish.

Hnry shook his had. Its th Rvolutionary War and its

British not Bristish.Brtis lip quivrd, and I turnd to Hnry. Sh may hav

mispronouncd th words, Hnry, but Brtis answrs wr cor-

rect. I stepped through the make-believe water and stooped down

beside Henry. What is our rule about correcting other students?

W lt th tachr do it, h mumbld.

I noddd and rturnd to th imaginary shorlin. Im glad I

didnt sink and drown whil I was out by th boats.

Th childrn giggld, and I soon continud qustioning thm

about thir history lsson. I knw whn ths qustions appard

on their next test, they would all remember the answers. Story time

and play acting had bcom my most ffctiv taching mthod,

a tchniqu I njoyd as much as th childrn. And whil Miss

Manchstr, who taught th oldr childrn, thought my systma silly wast of tim, sh did admit my childrn rtaind much of

what thyd bn taught during ths sssions.


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I hadnt larnd this mthod in collg, but rathr during my

childhood, as my mothr ntrtaind m with storis on rainy

days or on vnings whn my fathr workd lat. Thos tims

rmaind som of my favorit mmoris. I hopd our story tims

in school would giv ths childrn many fond mmoris to carry

throughout thir liftims, for I was crtain that my mmoris of

ths childrn would always b important to m.

We need to pick up all of our materials and put the chairs back

in plac. W hav only a fw mor minuts until nd of class.The chorus ofaws that filled the room caused me to smile. You

all did a wondrful job of larning today. Im vry proud of you.

Can you bring th story-box again tomorrow, Miss Rhodr?

Charli stood bsid th row of chairs hd hlpd carry across

th room.

Tomorrow is rading and arithmtic, but prhaps if you dowell with those subjects tomorrow, we can do a story the following

day. The children clapped their approval while I placed materials

back inside the box. Maybe you should help each other with your

rading and math homwork this vning just to b sur you do

wll tomorrow.

A ringing bell in the main hallway signaled the end of the school

day. Th childrn lind up in a snaky row and bid m good-by

bfor hading off to th dining room, whr thy would ach

b srvd a slic of buttrd brad to curb thir hungr until

suppertime. Like most orphanages, this one operated on a meager

budgt. And though th childrn rcivd thr mals a day, th

food was simpl far and th srvings scant. Soon aftr I accptd

the position at the orphanage, I found going home to a table ladenwith wll-prpard food a mixd blssing.

As I waited for the horse-drawn trolley, a chill whipped at my skirt


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and tuggd strands of my ash-blond hair loos from th spiral bun

Id carfully pinnd in plac arly this morning. Tucking th hair

bhind my ar, I watchd in arnst as th horss ploddd down th

strt at a slow yt stady pac. Aftr waiting in th chill Fbruary

wind, I looked forward to the warmth of a blazing fire and a hot meal.

I boardd th trolly and rubbd my hands togthr. evn my

glovs couldnt ward off th surprising chill in th air. Tonight

I wouldnt fl a twing of guilt that my fathr had mployd a

cook and a houskpr to tnd th prparation of mals and thhousehold duties. Id struggled with the idea when my mother had

first takn ill, and I still wondrd if my parnts thought it would

b bttr for m to quit my taching position and hlp at hom.

Though they both professed otherwise, I knew Mother sometimes

flt uncomfortabl having Mrs. Olwin prpar mals and clan

th hous, but with hr failing halth, thr had bn no choic.eithr I quit my job or w hir a houskpr. Undrstanding

how important th childrn had bcom to m, Mothr dcidd

Mrs. Olwin would b a fin choic. And sh had provd to b

a prfct fit. Not only could sh cook and clan to prfction, but

Mrs. Olwin also njoyd convrsing in Grman and sharing

storis of hr family with my mothr.

Raching my dstination, I stppd off th trolly and walkd

the short distance to our home, a large house with a sweeping front

porch and giant columnsa stark contrast to th small spacs

allocatd to th childrn in th orphanag. This hous was far

mor magnificnt than any hom my parnts had vr xpctd

to own. God had bn gracious to thmat last that was my

fathrs opinion. evn though I blivd my fathr dsrvd somof th crdit, h vhmntly disagrd.

Whn I attmptd to argu, my fathr would always say th


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sam thing: Many mn ar industrious, but most hav not bn

rwardd with so many blssings. God has blssd us: Thr is

no othr xplanation.

Somtims I wondrd what h truly thought about Mothrs

illnss. If h considrd his financial succss a rward from God,

did h bliv hr poor halth a punishmnt? Only onc did I

broach the subject with him. Hed opened his Bible to John chapter

sixtn, pointd to vrss twnty through twnty-thr, and told

m to rad th passag.Whn I finishd, h lookd at m ovr his wir-rimmd spc-

tacles. His words remain etched in my mind. We are not promised

a life without suffering. That verse reveals that wewill suffer. But we

can remain filled with joy because we have a Savior who has overcome

the world. It is suffering that makes us grow and cling to the Lord.

It reveals our need for Him. When life is easy, we tend to forget howmuch we need the Lord. Do you understand?

Although Id noddd my had in agrmnt, I hadnt totally

undrstood. And I still dont. My mothr was a good and faith-

ful woman who dsrvd good halth and happinss. Surly God

knew that. How could she be filled with joy when she experienced

such pain? My fathr said I should simply accpt th ways of th

Lord, but lat at night I continu to qustion Him.

Is that you, Jancy? My fathrs voic driftd toward m as I

stppd into th hallway.

Yes, its me, Father. My stomach tightened. Why was he home

so arly? His days nvr ndd until six oclocksomtims latr.

Is somthing wrong? Quickly rmoving my brocadd vlvt

cloak, I rushd up th stairs and down th hallway toward thupstairs sitting room. Still fling th wintr chill, I rubbd my

arms as I ntrd th room.


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My parents sat side by side, my mothers dainty fingers secured

between my fathers callused hands. She appeared to be doing well.

I inhald a dp brath and rlasd th tnsnss that pinchd

my muscls.

I was afraid your health had taken a downward turn. I smiled

at my mother and stepped closer to the fire burning in the heating

stov. What brings you hom so arly, Fathr?

Dp crass that I hadnt initially noticd lind his forhad.

For a whil now, your mothr and I hav bn considring achang. Th two of thm xchangd a quick glanc, and I saw

th worrid look in my fathrs blu ys that wr a clar match

of my own. Com and sit down, Jancy.

My arlir apprhnsion rturnd in an unxpctd rush. I

stppd forward and sttld bsid him. What sort of chang?

Wd alrady mad a numbr of changs to th hous in ordrto accommodat Mothrs dclining halth. Th currnt sitting

room had onc bn a gust bdroom, and wd vn movd th

dining tabl to on nd of th room in ordr to tak our mals

togthr whn Mothr couldnt navigat th stairs. Thr didnt

sm to b any othr changs w could mak.

My father massaged his forehead, but the deep creases remained.

We are planning to move away from Kansas City. To Iowa. Back

to th Amana Colonis.

My mouth turnd dry and I stard at him. Surly Id misun-

drstood.


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C H A P T e R 2

I attmptd to mak sns of what Id just hard, but I simply

couldnt. My fathers announcement made no sense. My clenched

fingers ached and turned chalky as I waited for further explanation.

My fathr pattd my hands. I know this coms as a bit of a

surpris, but w didnt want to say anything until wd mad a

final dcision. Of cours, w havnt rcivd prmission yt, so

thr is a possibility w wont b abl to rturn. But your mothr

thought w should tll you so that you would hav tim to mak

your own plans.

My mind spun like a whirling top. I dont understand. At the

momnt, I couldnt vn think of an intllignt qustion.

Of cours you dont. My mothr touchd my fathrs slv.You must start at th bginning, Jurgn.

My fathr frownd. Im not so sur whr th bginning is,


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but I will do my bst. H land back and inhald a dp brath.

I suppos this all bgan with th onst of your mothrs illnss.

I noddd and urgd him to continu.

Th doctor was hr again today. Ovr th past fw wks, h

has told us that your mothrs condition has worsnd, and thr

is nothing that can b don for hr.

Far and angr collidd lik a raging storm within m. Thn

w should find anothr doctor. I dont bliv him.

My mother shook her head. You dont want to believe him, butwhat h says is tru. I hav no dsir to b probd and chckd by

any mor doctors. each on has told us th sam thing. Hr gaz

rstd on my clnchd hands. Bcoming angry at th doctor or

my illnss wont chang my condition.

How could sh rmain so calm? And why wr thy think-

ing of rturning to Iowa? Nithr of thm had mntiond thAmana Colonis in yarsunlss thyd bn privatly talking

about th past. That must b it. Making such a drastic dcision

couldnt hav bn somthing thyd dcidd in th past fw

hours. Though thy hadnt includd m, thr was littl doubt

thyd bn making plans for som tim now. Id usually bn

includd whn my parnts considrd mattrs of importanc,

spcially thos that would affct all of us. I wantd to ignor

th fling of btrayal, but a pang of rsntmnt had alrady

takn hold.

If you ar as ill as th doctor says, you should b hr whr

you can rciv propr mdical car. Why would you vn con-

sidr travling? To mov at this tim would crat a trmndous

hardship on both of you.My fathr tappd his indx fingr against his lips. If you will

lt m talk, I will tll you.


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I curld my lips inward, dtrmind to rmain silnt, and nod-

dd for him to spak.

Your mothr longs to spnd hr final days in th familiar sur-

roundings of the colonies. We still have friends living there, and it

would giv hr joy to runit with thm. Thr is a simpl lif in

Amana that sh longs to xprinc onc again. My fathr stood

and crossed the room. He stared out the window for a moment and

then turned to face me. The move will not be difficult. We wont

tak much. Ill hav som of th furnitur shippd, but our ndswill b supplid onc w ar thr. Unlss you want to rmain in

th hous, wll sll it. My lawyr can handl th dtails.

My throat caught at his casual mntion of slling th hous,

and I shuddrd at th ida. All our family mmoris wr in this

hous. You plan to sll it?

My fathr archd his brows. Not if you wish to rmain hr.I didnt know a grat dal about th Amana Colonis. My par-

nts had told m bits and pics, but Id nvr qustiond thm

about thir lif in Iowa. It had nvr smd particularly impor-

tant to m. Until now. Qustion aftr qustion racd through my

mind, yt my lips wouldnt mov.

My fathrs ybrows sttld low on his forhad as h waitd

for m to rspond. Do you think you would lik to rmain in

th hous, Jancy?

Ys. No. I man, I dont know what I want. This is so unx-

pected. The two of you have had time to weigh your decisions, but

this is all so . . . so . . . unblivabl. I turnd to my mothr and

lookd dp into hr gray ys. This is what you dsir? To liv

the remainder of your life in Amana? To leave everything behind?In a priod of only a fw minuts, my lif had bn turnd

upsid down. In spit of th warmth from th blazing firplac, a


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chill settled over my bones. In that moment I was certain nothing

would vr again b th sam for us. I wantd to run from th

room and rturn to ystrday and th day bfor. I didnt want

to continu down this path to an unknown world filld with

strangrs and a diffrnt lif.

My mother bowed her head. I know this is hard for you, Jancey,

and I will understand if you decide to remain in Kansas City. This

is th only hom youv vr known. Adjusting to a diffrnt way

of living is vry difficult, and unlss you truly want to com, it isbttr that you rmain hr.

But why, Mother? Why do you want to go there after all these

yars? I dont undrstand. My voic crackd with motion.

Sh lookd up, tars glistning in hr ys. I wish I could

xplain this nd that has com ovr m. Sh pattd hr hand on

hr chst. It is a fling dp insid that tlls m I should rturnhom to Middl Amana. I hav trid to ignor th urgncy thats

com ovr m, but its bn impossibl. Your fathr and I agr

that such strong conviction should not b ignord. By us. My

mothr addd th final two words as sh glancd at my fathr.

And though I would prfr to hav you com along, your fathr

and I agr that you should pray and dcid what is bst for you.

I couldnt imagine God sending me an answer to the many ques-

tions that now deluged my mind. Id have to leave the children at

the orphanage. And theres Nathan. I twisted around and looked

at my fathr. What about th construction company? Ar you

going to sll th businss as wll as th hous? What will happn

to thos mn who dpnd upon you for thir jobs? My attmpt

to spak in a calm mannr faild. Instad, my voic trmord inan ri pitch that xposd my chaotic motions.

Father returned to the couch and sat beside me. I can see your


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distrss. I think w should hav waitd to tll you until aftr w

rcivd word from th ldrs. If w dont rciv prmission to

rturn, w will hav causd you grat worry for nothing. H

prd ovr my shouldr toward my mothr. Your mothr and

I dbatd about whn was th bst tim to tll you, but I far w

cam to th wrong conclusion.

I shook my had with nough vigor to snd on of my hairpins

flying onto th Axminstr carpt. I disagr. You should hav

told m much arlir. Had I known from th bginning, I couldhav digstd th nws in small doss. Instad, I must swallow

it all in on giant gulp. I touchd my throat. And it isnt going

down vry wll.

My fathr rachd down, rtrivd th hairpin, and handd

it to m. It wasnt our intntion to hurt you. W wr trying to

protct you.The sadness in his voice tugged at my heart. My parents would

nvr intntionally hurt m. Yt how did my fathr think h had

protected me? To argue against what they had done would change

nothing for th bttr. Alrady I could s my mothr flagging

undr th strain.

I claspd hr hand. You nd to rst. Lt m tak you to your

room.

Sh didnt disagr and willingly prmittd m to hlp hr to

bd. Whn I rturnd to th sitting room, I xpctd my fathr

to postpon furthr discussion until latr, but h motiond m

forward.

Your mother is very tired today. Between the doctors visit and

her worry over telling you our plans, shes exhausted. He glancedtoward th hallway. Would you prfr to stay up hr, or shall

w go downstairs and finish our talk?


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We can go downstairs and Ill make a pot of coffee. His smile

was enough to tell me Id given the answer he desired. But I have

many qustions.

H noddd. And I will answr thm as bst I can.

Th xpctation of a warm mal waiting at hom had disap-

pard whil I was upstairs with my parnts, but onc I nard

th kitchn and smlld th aroma of a harty stw, my mouth

watrd in anticipation.

I glancd ovr my shouldr at my fathr. Mrs. Olwin hasalrady gon hom?

Ys. Your mothr xplaind that w would b ating lat and

askd hr to prpar somthing that would rmain warm. H

raisd his nos and sniffd th air. Smlls lik soup or bf stw.

Although Mrs. Oelwine could prepare fancy dishes, extravagant

meals werent served unless we entertained. Neither of my parentsnjoyd th social gathrings that had bn thrust upon thm

whn my fathr had bcom th ownr of Forsyth Construction

Company, and hd don his bst to xpand th businss with-

out th trappings of laborat partis and othr social functions

attndd by businss ownrs in th community.

Aftr grinding coff bans and filling th pot with watr, I

sat down at th kitchn tabl opposit my fathr. Im not crtain

what I want to ask first.

My fathers eyes radiated understanding. Upstairs you appeared

surprisd I would sll th hous, so lt m xplain. Your mothr

and I agrd that if you dcidd to com with us, it would b

prfrabl to plac th hous for sal, as w would no longr

hav th ncssary incom to pay taxs or insur th proprty. Inaddition, if no on livd hr, th hous would fall into a stat of

disrpair. W also considrd th possibility of rnting it, but that


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23

poss an additional st of problms. Th rntal monys would

not b ours to kp. I would b obligatd to donat thos funds

to th community. In addition, w would still b rsponsibl for

taxs, insuranc, and maintnanc of th proprty. Howvr, if

you dcid to rmain hr, w will dd th hous to you.

My stomach churned at the thought of such monumental deci-

sions. I stood and walked to the cabinet and removed two cups and

saucers. But then I must worry about all of those expenses youve

mntiond, and with no salary from th orphanag, I couldntpossibly manag th upkp on th hous.

H noddd. So now you mor clarly undrstand why I said

w would sll th hous?

Whil placing th cups and saucrs on th tabl, I halfhart-

dly admittd my undrstanding, though I wantd to argu that

if thy would rmain in Kansas City, our livs could continu asusual. Rathr than ask God for guidanc, prhaps I should pray

that th ldrs dny my parnts rqust. A suddn pang of guilt

causd m to push th thought asid.

You also askd m about th businss, and that is an vn

gratr dilmma to solv. With Simon Hartzflds hlp, I am

working on a plan.

My fathrs lawyr had providd Fathr with capabl guidanc

for many yars, so I was sur Mr. Hartzfld had dvlopd an

xcllnt plan.

What sort of plan, Father? Do the workers already know about

this?

A slight glam shon in my fathrs blu ys. Ar you asking

bcaus you ar concrnd about th workrs, or bcaus youwondr if Nathan has bn kping scrts from you?

Both. My on-word rspons soundd mor austr than Id


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24

intndd, and I hurrid to xpand my answr. Most of th mn

ar marrid and hav familis. For thm to suddnly har th

nws I hav just larnd would b dvastating. How could all of

them expect to find work? Without giving him an opportunity to

answer, I continued. Forsythe Construction is known throughout

Kansas City as a f lourishing company. Im certain your employees

bliv thir jobs ar scur. You will b daling a trribl blow to

men who have been loyal to you and your business. As for Nathan

kping scrts, I can say it would caus m unas.Nathan knows nothing of this, so you can lay asid thos

worris. My fathr foldd his hands atop th tabl. I apprciat

your concrn for thos who work at th construction company.

Othr than th impact this mov would caus for you, thos mn

and thir familis hav bn at th forfront of my mind. That

is why Iv bn working with Simon. H blivs that by thtim our currnt construction contracts hav bn compltd,

a qualifid buyr will stp forward to purchas th businss. As

part of that contract, w will insist that th workrs b rtaind

for a priod of on yar.

Soon th aroma of coff filld th room, and I pushd away

from th tabl. Wrapping a towl around th handl of th pot,

I carrid it to th tabl.

And what happens to them after the year has passed? I inhaled

the fragrant aroma as I poured the hot coffee into my fathers cup.

Do you think th nw ownr will rtain thm?

Of cours. Onc th ownr obsrvs thir abilitis, hd b

a fool to lt vn on of my mn go. H chuckld. Wll, thr

may b on or two who nd to work a littl hardr, but I thinka chang in ownrship will b just th thing to light a fir undr

thm.


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25

Aftr pouring coff into my own cup, I rturnd th pot to

th stov. It dos sound as though youv bn giving this a grat

dal of thought. Whn do you think you will har from th l-

drs in Amana?

My father shrugged his shoulders. I cant say. It could be weeks

or months, or it could b tomorrow.

Tomorrow? I inhald a sharp brath and droppd into th

chair.

I dont think we will hear as soon as tomorrow, but you shouldgiv th mattr much thought and prayr so that you can b at

as whn th tim arrivs. My fathr took a sip of his coff. I

plan to make an announcement at work tomorrow. Simon doesnt

think its wis to wait any longr. W nd to b fair to th work-

rs. If any of thm ar farful about th prospct of a nw ownr,

thy will b fr to sk othr mploymnt. Though I hop thatdosnt happn, thr may b som who ar unwilling to risk th

possibility of chang. His shouldrs slumpd as h land back

in his chair. Of cours, Iv bn curious about what cours of

action Nathan might want to tak onc h hars th nws.

Leaving the children would be more difficult for me than leav-

ing Nathan, but I didnt say that to my father. I doubted he would

undrstand. From his arlir commnt, I concludd that h and

my mothr xpctd Nathan would propos marriag onc h

hard th nws. Did thy bliv I would marry Nathan in ordr

to rmain in Kansas City? Surly thy ralizd I would want to

b with thm.

Whil th childrn lovd m with an unconditional zal that

couldnt b qustiond, my rlationship with Nathan ran warmand cold, dpnding upon his mood. If I said or did somthing

that displasd him, h could rmain aloof for days. But whn h


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26

was satisfid with m, h bhavd quit th opposit. Whil hd

avowd his lov for m on two occasions, th dclarations had

both bn mad aftr wd disagrd and Id suggstd w put an

nd to sing ach othr. To marry Nathan whil still unsur of

his lov for mor min for himwould b foolhardy.

Theres my work with the children. To leave them . . . My voice

traild off as I rcalld th fun wd had arlir that aftrnoon.

My father nodded. You should let the director of the orphanage

know that you ar considring a mov so thy wont b surprisdif you dcid to com with us. Unlss, of cours, you arriv at

anothr dcision aftr you hav prayd. His lips curvd in a lop-

sidd grin. And aftr you hav spokn to Nathan.

In my hart, I was crtain of my dcision. To b away from

my mothr during th rmaindr of hr lif was unthinkabl. If I

didnt go with my parents, Id forever regret the decision. Yet theyhad askd m to pray bfor making a dcision, and I intndd

to honor thir rqust. Mayb God would chang my mind. But

Nathan? I didnt think so.

I wondrd what my futur would b lik in Amana. Womn

couldnt be teachers in the colonies, a fact my parents had pointed

out to me when theyd told me to seek Gods direction. They didnt

want me stepping into a new life without knowing the truth. And

that particular truth causd m mor concrn than I card to

admit. No mattr if it was a fact in history, gography, rading,

or arithmtic, nothing gav m gratr joy than to s th light of

undrstanding shin in a childs ys. I would miss taching, and

I prayd God would somhow fill that void in my lif.


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27

C H A P T e R 3

I startld whn th doorbll rang. Aftr suppr Id gon to my

room to rad th Bibl and pray. Id promisd my parnts I would

seek Gods direction. If they should inquire, I wanted to truthfully

tll thm Id kpt my word. I didnt bliv God would dirct m

to rmain in Kansas City, but I was trying to rmain rcptiv

to th ida.

Not that I wantd to lav. I was quit contnt hr. Unlik

many young women, Id never been in a hurry to marry, and being

singl affordd m th opportunity to spnd mor tim with my

mothr as hr halth dclind. I njoyd occasional outings with

Nathan, and I adord my work with th childrn.

Living at home also permitted me the luxury of teaching at theorphanag, whr I voluntrd my srvics. I lovd th childrn

and would miss thm gratly. each on hld a spcial plac in


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28

my hart, but I ndd to b with my mothr during hr final

daysboth for hr sak and for min.

Whn th nw dirctor of th orphanag arrivd in Kansas

City, hd wantd to chang my voluntr status, saying it was

impropr for a tachr to work without pay. But aftr a cursory

rviw of th orphanags budgt, h had changd his stanc.

Unlss a rplacmnt could b locatd, my rsignation would

lav th orphanag with a limitd taching staff.

I glancd in th mirror, pattd my hair into plac, and hur-rid downstairs as th doorbll chimd for th scond tim. Ovr

and ovr, Id askd Nathan to b patint whn h arrivd. Sinc

Mothrs condition had worsnd, th doorbll could disturb hr

rst. Yt h continud to ignor my rqusts.

Nathan rmovd his brown flt hat. You appar troubld.

His slicked-down brown hair was a perfect match for his brownys, brown hat, brown coat, brown trousrs, and brown shos.

I picturd him standing bsid a laflss tr and supprssd a

smil. In that attir, hd b a prfct match for th dormant lm

in our front yard.

Mothr is slping. Th ringing bll might wakn hr.

Sorry. H duckd his had. I thought mayb you hadnt

hard it. H stppd insid and I closd th door.

Th bll is loud nough I can har it anywhr in th hous.

I gsturd for him to hang his coat on th hall tr.

Did you hav a bad day? Using his thumb and forfingr,

h rachd forward and prtndd to push my lips back into a

smil. Any coff in th kitchn? H winkd. And a pic of

cak or pi?So much had happnd sinc my rturn hom that aftrnoon

that I didnt wish to act th hostss, but I wavd him forward.


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29

Thr may b a cup lft. I dont think thr is any dssrt. Mrs.

Olwin lft arly today.

H chuckld. Youll hav to put a stop to that. I njoy hr

dssrts.

Of late, desserts havent been a matter of high priority to Father

and m, and Mothr can sldom tolrat rich food.

My answer had been curt, and I was surprised when he stopped

short and stard at m.

What is wrong with you? Your not yourslf this vning.I walkd to th cupboard and rmovd a coff cup. I apolo-

giz, but thr ar tims whn I hav mor to worry about than

coff and dssrt.

If youd lik m to lav, just say so. You did invit m, didnt

you?

I sighd. Nathan was right. Non of this was his fault. Imsorry, Nathan. I pourd coff into his cup and carrid it to th

tabl. This has bn a day filld with unxpctd nws that will

chang our livs.

His thick ybrows liftd on his forhad lik two brown wig-

gly catrpillars. Our livs? Yours and min? H pointd first at

himslf and thn at m. What nws? I havnt hard anything.

Th doctor told Mothr thr is nothing h can do to rstor

hr halth and hr condition will only worsn. I couldnt bring

myslf to say sh was dying. Fathr and Mothr hav dcidd

to mov back to th Amana Colonis in Iowa. Its what Mothr

wants, and my fathr has agrd.

At first he grinned, but when he realized I was serious, he turned

sombr. How can thy vn think of such a thing? Whn is thissupposd to happn?

I xplaind what my fathr had told m only a short tim ago.


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30

With ach rmark, h intrruptd m with a host of qustions.

Many of which I couldnt answr. Finally I said, Youll nd to

ask my fathr to furthr xplain his arrangmnts concrning th

businss. Iv told you vrything I know.

Did h mntion any particular plans for my futur at th

company? H must hav som ida in mind, sinc wll nd a

rliabl incom if Im going to support you.

Support m? My mind rld. Did h think that I would

rmain bhind and marry him? W hadnt discussd marriag.What was h thinking? Why would you think you would nd

to support m?

H studid m for a momnt. You know I hav flings for

you. Iv hsitatd to mntion marriag bcaus you told m that

you blivd coupls should know ach othr for a long priod

of tim bfor taking thir vows. H wrappd his hands aroundth coff cup. Hav you considrd th possibility that this is a

sign w should mov forward with wdding plans?

I shook my head. No, I dont think its a sign we should marry.

I promisd my parnts I would pray about my futur, though I

bliv I know what I should do.

His brow crasd, and I didnt miss th concrn shadowing

his ys. Your not thinking of going with thm, ar you? H

pushd asid th mpty cup.

I noddd. Of cours I am. To b honst, I bliv thrs littl

choice to be made. I cant imagine being separated from my mother

whn shs ill and nds m.

H land forward and xtndd his hand. You dont nd

to mov thr. You could go and visit from tim to tim. Id gowith you. If you dont want to marry right away, you could mak

som sort of arrangmnt with on of th othr tachrs at th


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31

orphanag. Mayb rmain hr in th hous and rnt rooms to

som of thm.

Rnt rooms? I dont want to oprat a boardinghous whn

my mothr nds m. Bsids, my parnts plan to sll th hous.

Thyll contribut th procds to th socity whn thy go to

Amana. Its th way things ar don.

I undrstand you want to hlp your mothr, but Im sur sh

wants you to hav a lif of your own. H stood and pacd th

kitchn. What about th childrn at th orphanag? Whlingaround on his heel, he pinned me with a hard stare. Youve always

said you wouldnt giv up your work with thm.

Lik a spad in soft dirt, his words dug in and cut to th quick.

Somtims popl say things without ralizing what th futur

holds. How could I have ever imagined such a possibility as this?

But if they mean so much to you, how can you so easily decideto lav thmand m?

As much as I care for the children, the love for my mother goes

much deeper. Surely you can understand there is a vast difference.

On look and I knw h didnt undrstand. How could h?

Nathans parnts hadnt showrd him with lov and protction.

His fathr had bn a strn and cold man whod lft th family

whn Nathan was only tn. His mothr had xpctd much from

her only child and had given little in return. At the age of fourteen,

hd lft hom and nvr lookd back.

A part of m could undrstand his dsir to strik out on his

own, spcially whn thr had bn no ncouragmnt at hom,

but his lack of compassion and his indifference haunted me. How

could h push asid any concrn for th mothr who bor him?H didnt know if sh was aliv or dad and harbord no dsir

to discover what had happened to the woman. At least thats what


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32

hd told m, and I had no rason to doubt him. Thos thoughts

had givn m paus. Did Nathan possss th ability to lov in a

tru and maningful mannr? Hd smingly rasd his mothr

from his life. Would he do the same if his wife ever displeased him?

H twistd around as though th statmnt causd him dis-

comfort. Thr coms a day whn w must cling to our mats

and lav our parnts. This could hlp prpar you for our futur

marriag.

Right now I dont hav a husband or childrn of my own,and I bliv this to b a tim whn I can put my parnts first.

Unlss somthing drastic should happn to chang my mind, I

plan to go with thm.

His sigh signaled his displeasure. As much as I dont understand

what your thinking, Im vn mor baff ld by your parnts,

spcially your fathr. As far as I can s, this plan is impulsivand unwise. A complete destruction of everything theyve worked

for all thir livs.

Facing death can change a persons attitude about whats impor-

tant. Bsids, my parnts hav nvr considrd walth thir ulti-

mat goal.

Nathan returned to his chair. Maybe not, but theyve achieved

mor than most. It sms strang that thyr willing to hand it

ovr without a thought of providing for your futur.

His ton surprisd m. Whatvr thyv arnd is thirs. I

have no claim to any of their property. If it gives my parents peace

and happiness to contribute their assets and return to the colonies,

who am I to say othrwis?

You ar thir daughtr. Ar you willing to liv in povrty?H rakd his fingrs through his hair. I had hopd on day to

purchas th businss from your fathr, but it sms that dram


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33

will fade along with all the other aspirations Ive ever had. Theres

no bank that would loan m nough mony to purchas th con-

struction company.

Nathan hunched his shoulders and looked every bit as despon-

dnt as hd soundd. This convrsation had bcom about him

rathr than about m, my parnts, or my mothrs illnss, and th

thought grivd m.

I forcd a smil. Would you lik mor coff?

H shook his had. Tll m about Amana. I want to undr-stand what it is that appals to your parnts and why thy would

want to rturn.

You should ask my fathr. My knowldg is limitd sinc Iv

nvr livd thr and nvr qustiond my parnts much about

thir lif bfor thy cam to Kansas City. It didnt sm particu-

larly important. My thoughts raced back in time. I recalled a fewtims whn my mothr had mntiond things that had happnd

in th colonis, but Id bn mor intrstd in my playmats and

school than in haring about my mothrs past. Byond tlling

you that it is a communal society where they still speak a German

dialct and liv a simpl lif basd upon thir rligious blifs,

thrs not much I can tll you.

Nathan rubbd his jaw. And you bliv you will b happy

living in this sort of plac?

I hsitatd and considrd his qustion. I pridd myslf on

my ability to adjust to nw circumstancs, but living in a com-

munal socity would rquir drastic changs. Adjustmnts that

would likly prov much mor difficult than anything Id vr

ncountrd.I dont know if Ill b happy, but Ill b with my parnts and I

want to car for my mothr during this tim whn sh nds m.


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His lips tightnd into a thin lin. I cant bliv you can so

asily mak this choic.

I understood his surprise and dismay, but I had hoped he would

honor my dcisionthat h would undrstand and support m

no mattr my choic. Yt I didnt bliv Nathan had th ability

to push asid his own wants and nds. For most of his lif, hd

had only himslf to dpnd uponand only himslf to plas.

And though wd mad no commitmnt to ach othr, h

xpctd m to say that Id rmain in Kansas City and convincmy fathr to rtain Forsyth Construction. That way Nathan

could somday bcom th ownr.

a simple change

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