rejection therapy

Maurizio Calo CaligarisStanford University

REJECTION THERAPY

Have You Ever Been Rejected?

Did You Enjoy Getting Rejected?

The possibility of getting rejected causes anxiety and keeps people from asking for the things they want in life.

Observation:

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take”

Help people ask more for things they want in life?

HOW MIGHT WE...?

Let’s reframe the question..

You must get rejected

AT LEAST ONCE

every single day

SEEK REJECTION!

for 30 days

If you get rejected:

If you don’t get rejected:

You win! (in the game)

You obtain something you want!

(BJ Fogg, Stanford Persuasive Technology Lab, www.behaviorgrid.org)

My Experiences

Walked in through J-BO drive-thru

Walked in through J-BO drive-thru

“Crashed” networking party at the Stanford School of Business with

high-profile investors & entrepreneurs from all over the

world

Didn’t get kicked out...

...Instead, I got an (informal) offer for an internship in Brazil!

Other Adventures-Asked for purchase discounts FAILED TO GET REJECTED

-Asked to switch shirts with fan of opposing team at a football game REJECTED

-Wore flip-flops to the gym FAILED TO GET REJECTED

-Asked Domino’s delivery guy for a ride home after a party REJECTED

-Ask stranger for back massage FAILED TO GET REJECTED

-Other NSFW rejections/rejection failures

Learning#1:Don’t take rejection personally: People reject the situation, not *YOU*

Learning#2:People are surprisingly compliant.You’d be surprised by how much you can get if you just ask for things!

Getting others to do the challenge?

Insight #1Seeking rejection can be very daunting!

Take baby steps:Start out with “simple”rejections (e.g. ask for a discount)

Insight #2People often run out of ideas. So, brainstorm a list of possible rejection ideas when you’re highly motivated at the beginning of the challenge. (It’s ok to get inspiration from other people who’ve done Rejection Therapy)

Insight #3People won’t participate unless they’re sufficiently motivated. Most of the time, motivation comes from the stories that you’ll get to tell afterwards.

Increasing Motivation:To have an extra incentive, it helps to maintain a blog to share the rejection experiences or to do the challenge with a friend.

Increasing Motivation:What people haven’t really done yet...is to do the challenge as part of a class assignment.

Do it for a class assignment!The rejection therapy challenge is a great fit for classes in public speaking, writing, psychology and self-improvement.

Do it for a class assignment!PWR 2: Writing and Rhetoric

ENGR 103: Public Speaking

ME104B: Design Your Life

CS377t: Behavior Design

Making ProgressI reached out to professors in public speaking classes at Stanford to suggest the rejection therapy for students to practice their communication skills. They seemed very excited about it and will start doing it beginning in Winter 2013!

Doing rejection therapy as part of class assignment gives extra motivation since you’ll report back exciting stories to the class and is a great excuse to not seem “creepy” when asking strangers for favors.

I asked a stranger in Tressider for a back massage. Initially, she seemed a little “creeped out” by it, but after I explained that I was doing this for a research project, she changed her attitude. She loved the idea of seeking rejection, and gave me the back massage!

An anecdote

“There is no failure in rejection therapy; the only failure is not trying. Doing it for a class gave me a nice safety net so strangers don’t feel creeped out by it.”

-ME 104B student

I challenge YOU to do it!

I’m Maurizio Calo Caligaris and I’m an aspiring entrepreneur / CS masters student at Stanford. I’m interested in behavior design, life design, self-improvement & using technology to transform people’s lives.

maurizio@cs.stanford.edu

Thanks!