1.ASSERTIVENESS Derek Hendrikz www.derekhendrikz.com Skills

2. Copyright 2014 Derek Hendrikz Consulting www.derekhendrikz.com 3. www.derekhendrikz.com 4. Non-Assertive www.derekhendrikz.com Cannot say no and indecisive. Easy to take advantage of or to exploit. 5. Aggressive www.derekhendrikz.com Tendency to verbally attack without provocation or without waiting for the other person to make a statement. 6. Assertive www.derekhendrikz.com Being confident to state your position or claim. 7. Non Assertiveness: This is a person who is often taken advantage of, feels helpless, takes on everyone's problems, says yes to inappropriate demands and requests, and allows others to choose for him or her. The basic message he/she sends is "I'm not OK." The non-assertive person is emotionally dishonest, indirect, self-denying, and inhibited. He/she feels hurt, anxious, and possibly angry about his/her actions. www.derekhendrikz.com 8. Non-Assertive Body Language: Lack of eye contact; looking down or away. Swaying and shifting of weight from one foot to the other. Whining and hesitancy when speaking. www.derekhendrikz.com 9. Aggressiveness: This person is one who wins by using power, hurts others, is intimidating, controls the environment to suit his/her needs, and chooses for others. An aggressive says, "You're not OK. He/she is inappropriately expressive, emotionally honest, direct, and self-enhancing at the expense of another. An aggressive person feels righteous, superior, deprecatory at the time of action and possibly guilty later. www.derekhendrikz.com 10. Aggressive Body Language: Leaning forward with glaring eyes. Pointing a finger at the person to whom you are speaking. Shouting. Clenching the fists. Putting hands on hips and wagging the head. www.derekhendrikz.com 11. Assertiveness: This person is one who acts in his/her own best interests, stands up for self, expresses feelings honestly, is in charge of self in interpersonal relations, and chooses for self. The basic message sent from an assertive person is "I'm OK and you're OK. An assertive person is emotionally honest, direct, self- enhancing, and expressive. He/she feels confident, self-respecting at the time of his/her actions as well as later. www.derekhendrikz.com 12. Assertive Body Language: Stand straight, steady, and directly face the people to whom you are speaking while maintaining eye contact. Speak in a clear, steady voice - loud enough for the people to whom you are speaking to hear you. Speak fluently, without hesitation, and with assurance and confidence. www.derekhendrikz.com 13. www.derekhendrikz.com 14. The foundation for effective assertion is your own thinking. www.derekhendrikz.com 15. Your thinking can either block you from being assertive or help you become more assertive. www.derekhendrikz.com 16. Blockers I badly need this persons approval. I must never hurt anyones feelings. Id be a selfish person if I asked for what I want. www.derekhendrikz.com 17. Helpers I would like this person s approval, but I could live without it It is unfortunate that someones feelings may be mildly hurt It is part of my religious ethic to think of myself as well as others While it would not be pleasant to have a confrontation, I could certainly stand it www.derekhendrikz.com 18. Techniques Broken record Negative inquiry Negative assertion I statements Time out Content to process shift Contain & reflect emotions www.derekhendrikz.com 19. Assertiveness Tips: Be persistent Know your rights Know the other person's rights Be aware of your own body language - make good eye contact Be aware of your tone of voice and use appropriate tone of voice Use "I" language rather then "you" - (which can put people on defense) www.derekhendrikz.com 20. Assertiveness Tips (cont) Don't exaggerate Remember this is an adult-adult transaction (you are an adult, not a child or complaining parent, and so is the other person) Think win-win and aim for win-win agreements www.derekhendrikz.com 21. The Assertive Tongue www.derekhendrikz.com 22. Describe www.derekhendrikz.com the exact behaviour you find bothersome 23. Acknowledge www.derekhendrikz.com what you really feel about the situation/other persons behaviour 24. Specify www.derekhendrikz.com by asking explicitly for a different specified behaviour 25. www.derekhendrikz.com 26. Constructive Feedback: Steps: Explanation: When you Describe the persons behaviour in factual and specific terms. I feel In a word or two, tell how the persons behaviour affected you (emotion). Because Tell what the consequences were (will be) of the persons behaviour. Pause Let the other person respond. I would like Describe the change in behaviour you want the other person to consider. Because Explain how the change will solve the problem or what the benefits will be. What do you think? Be open. Active listening!! www.derekhendrikz.com