Cappuccino Coaching

Module 9People Pleasing

Welcome & Introduction(Give a few lines of introduction about yourself)

• “In my coaching I help …” (e.g - people with relationship issues or struggling with overwhelm)

• “Through questioning & coaching skills I help people …” (e.g– determine what their life purpose is, to set boundaries, set action plans & take action in their lives)

• “I’m a bit like a plumber – I help people unblock their problems!”

©Ruby McGuire 2014

What are Cappuccino Coaching Sessions?

©Ruby McGuire 2014

• A way of learning what coaching is

• A starting point for taking action and making some small changes in your life

• Safe environment – get involved as little or as much as you choose

• In business? A way of meeting like minded people, bring your business cards & share

• Not in business? Just mingle, make new friends

What We Will Cover Today

©Ruby McGuire 2014

• Are you a People Pleaser?• What you might not want to hear• Getting the right balance• Questions to ask yourself• Are you ready to change?• What you can do about it• Watch outs• Homework

Task: Which ones do you identify with?

Are You A People Pleaser?

Warning – You May Not Like This

©Ruby McGuire 2014

• Lack of self-confidence

• Inauthentic

• All have different strengths & abilities

• YOU are fabulous

Get the right balance

Help people because you want to, notbecause you feel you ‘should’ or ‘have’ to

Image is in the

workbook

• What or who do you need to say ‘no’ to?

• What is the benefit to you of holding onto this ‘you’re more important than I am’ ethos?

• What needs to happen for you to honour and value yourself?

Tough questions

Spend a moment then work in pairs to answer 3 q’s (WkBk)

(Pace the questions allowing answers in between)

• What's the worst that could happen if you speak up for what you want or believe is right?• What would be a great way to overcome that?• What conversation do you need to explain how you feel &the way you want your needs met?• How do you vent your feelings?• Who do you have in your life that can act as a confidante for you to express your feelings to?• Where in life would you like to be more assertive? • When you say 'yes' to others how are you saying 'no' to yourself?• What difference would that make to you?

Additional Questions

Are you ready to change? (WkBk) This isn’t for the faint hearted but ….

• You will gain control

• You will get your power back

• You will be nicer to know!

• You will get time to do things you love

• You will feel more confident

So What Can You Do About It?

1. Set boundaries & practice saying 'no'

2. Remember the ‘I’ word

3. Practice self care

Set Boundaries (WkBk)

You are going to have to re-train people so that they understand what is/isn’t acceptable to you

What boundaries do you need to set to ensure your needs get met?

Write down 1 situation where you want to say 'yes/no' but you go along with the other person/people either to keep the peace or to

meet their needs.

Work together to set a boundary around it to ensure your needs get met & commit to taking action

Just Say 'No' (singing Grange Hill yet?!) (WkBk)

• Worried what people might think/say• We’ve been taught to be polite and nice• 20 rejections ☺

Say No… Easy? No - but practice makes perfect

• Say no to people who cross your boundaries• Say no to things you don’t want to do• Say no to friends/family/colleagues/negativity• Say no to people who expect too much• Say no to people you don’t know

Practice Saying 'No’ (WkBk)

• "I'd love to but I'm already committed to ....”

• "That sounds lovely but I've committed to myself some precious 'me' time while the house is quiet. Another time?”

• "It's really kind of you to think of me. I like to give things my 100% and right now my priority is 'x' so I wouldn't have the time to dedicate to it and give it the full attention it deserves"

Practice Saying 'No’ (WkBk)

• Offer an alternative... "I can't do (date) but I could do (date) if that works for you?

• "It's a busy month. Let me check my diary when I'm back at home and I will send you over some possible dates.”

• "It's not something that feels right for me but I could put you in touch with ....”

Thinking of your scenario which one might work for you?

Work together to create a response that will work for you

Remember the ‘I’ Word (Wk Bk) Mind Your Language

How often do you use it?

• If it's all about what others want and need then you are putting others before yourself

• Notice when you’re using the words, 'others', 'should', 'they', 'he/she’, ‘sorry’

Ask these questions;

• "What do I need right now?"• "What's right for me in this?"• 'If I park what other people want for a moment what is it that I truly want?’

Practice Self Care (Wk Bk)

• You need to look after you – YOU MATTER

• What do you really enjoy? What makes you feel super happy?

• What 3 daily habits could you create to look after yourself?

• 10 min read with a cuppa• Leisurely bath etc

Make space in your diary for you.

Book out things you enjoy first, make you a priority

Journalling (Wk Bk)

A very powerful tool when working on changing your behaviours around people

pleasing. It can be used to:

• List your accomplishments with regards to boundary setting• Ask yourself why you chose to say, ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to a specific thing and

what difference it made• List ways in which you have been authentic in that day, true to

yourself and who you really are• Journal your true feelings, using the journal as a way of expressing

yourself than bottling things up• List ways in which you have been more assertive, at work and/or in

your personal life• Note down things that make you happy and do them!

Watch Outs (Wk Bk)

• Setting boundaries takes time

• Retraining is involved

• They may challenge you / talk about you / fall out with you

• But you are just as important – keep reminding yourself that this is not a bad thing – it’s the right thing

Homework (Wk Bk)

• Write down your needs

• Write down how you spend your time

• Notice where you are people pleasing

Be kind to yourself – allow it to take the time that it needs. You WILL have setbacks, you WILL revert back, just keep working on it

The rewards are SO worth the effort

What We Covered Today

©Ruby McGuire 2014

• Are you a People Pleaser?• What you might not want to hear• Getting the right balance• Questions to ask yourself• Are you ready to change?• What you can do about it• Watch outs• Homework

Enjoyed Today’s Session?

• What was the best thing about this session?

• Come back next month for our topic on ….

• Tell your friends, follow on facebook, twitter etc.. (give business card if you have one)

• Want to work with me 1-2-1 (here’s how…)

• If you’ve left your name will add it to my mailing list – latest topics, hints/tips etc..

• I will leave you with some words of wisdom

©Ruby McGuire 2014