Iwas rocking my crying newborn in my arms while my four-year-old son charged around the

lounge room. “Are you sure you’re going

to be okay, love?” my husband, Luke, 34, asked over the noise.

“I’ll be ! ne,” I said. “I’m an expert now, remember?”

But the moment he grabbed his keys and walked out the front door, I burst into tears.

Why did I feel so miserable?I’d felt like this after the birth

of my ! rst child, Jakobas, too, but I’d had good reason to.

One of his kidneys hadn’t formed properly so he’d had a painstaking operation to remove it when he was just a few days old.

I was anxious and tearful all the time but simply put it down to being a ! rst time

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You’ve just had a baby; it should be the happiest time of your life, but all you

feel is fear. Everyone says you are blessed, but inside you are struggling to cope.

If this sounds like you, you’re not alone. Around one in seven new mums in Australia experience postnatal depression. It can be a frightening and isolating experience as you try to deal with your symptoms at the same time as taking care of a new baby.

Take 5 believes there needs to be more support out there for struggling new mums, so

we’re launching a campaign to help combat isolation.

Chums for Mums aims to bring women together to share their experiences and to reduce the stigma and shame associated with postnatal depression.

Visit Facebook and search for Take 5 Chums for Mums to check out our new groupand talk to other mums. Make friends, share tips and show and give support.

Over the coming weeks, we plan to share more of your stories, speak with experts, and show you that you can combat the isolation of postnatal depression.

Postnatal depression is

when a woman experiences

depression that develops

between one month and up

to one year after the birth

of their baby.

WHAT ARE THE SIGNS

AND SYMPTOMS?

The signs and symptoms

of postnatal anxiety and

depression can vary and

may include:

! Panic attacks (a racing

heart, palpitations, shortness

of breath, shaking or feeling

physically detached from

your surroundings).

! Persistent, generalised

worry – often focused on

fears for the health or

wellbeing of baby.

! The development of

obsessive or compulsive

behaviours.

! Increased sensitivity

to noise or touch.

! Changes in appetite

– under or overeating.

! Sleeping problems

unrelated to the baby’s needs.

! Extreme lethargy – a

feeling of being physically or

emotionally overwhelmed

and unable to cope with the

demands of chores and

looking after a baby.

In our brand-new campaign, Take 5 supports the thousands of women suff ering with postnatal

depression. Could YOU be a chum to one of them?

I thought I could cope with a second baby, but I crumbledJessica Morris, 29, Mareeba, Qld.

Every mum n

S‘A

yo u’rWhat is postnatal depression?

Holding Joseph

for the fi rst

time

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13

mum coping with having a sick bub.

I found motherhood isolating because a lot of my childless friends drifted away from me when Jakobas was little. But I found my own way of coping and Luke was a great support. Th ings had improved but

then from the moment our

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second son, Joseph, was born, I’d started to feel depressed again – and this time it was way worse.

I was constantly exhausted and despite having a newborn to feed and a toddler to take care of, I was completely lacking in motivation. Everyday tasks felt like wading through mud.

I struggled to keep my emotions in check. I’d cry at the drop of a hat and anger and frustration was always simmering under the surface.

I didn’t want Luke or anyone else to know I wasn’t coping, though, so I always plastered on a smile as he left for work.

But now that I was alone for the day, I let it all out. I sat Jakobas in front of some cartoons, put Joseph down on his changing mat and allowed

my body to shake with sobs.I was supposed to be a

glowing new mum, loving every minute with my newborn. Instead, I just wanted to get into bed and stay there.

When I’d pulled myself together, Joseph was still screaming.

My anger and frustration boiled over.

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” I screamed, covering my ears with my hands.

Jakobas looked frightened and Joseph continued to scream his lungs out.

I was overwhelmed with guilt.

“I’m a terrible mother,” I murmured.

What kind of mum shouts at her baby instead of comforting him?Th ings got worse. I started

to su" er terrible anxiety and barely left the house, which isolated me even more.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Luke kept asking.

“I’m # ne,” I insisted. “Just really tired.”

But inside I was falling apart.It seemed like every time

I logged on to Facebook, all I’d see were photos of happy families and proud mums, loving every minute with their

little ones. What the hell was wrong with me? I had everything: a loving husband, two gorgeous kids and a wonderful home, and yet I was failing everyone by being a terrible parent.

By the time Joseph was # ve months old, I hit rock bottom. I resented him and had no interest in looking after him.

I decided enough was enough. It’d be better for everyone if I wasn’t around,

I thought.I called up my life

insurance company to check on my policy and I updated my will. Th en, I sat at the

kitchen table and wrote goodbye notes to Luke, Jakobas,

and Joseph. Next day, I hired a babysitter

and left the letters on our bed. Th en I got behind the wheel of the car.

I drove like a zombie, barely paying any attention to the road or cars around me.

“It’ll be better for everyone,” I whispered to myself, taking a deep breath.

On the other side of the road a big car with a trailer attached was driving towards me.

It’s now or never, I thought, bracing myself.

needs a chum

“It’d be better if I wasn’t around”

SURE‘Are you

’re okay?’

Turn over to keep reading...

I thought I was

a terrible mum

I hid my feelings from Luke

Chums for mums.indd 13 11/04/2016 4:46:02 PM

 

14

! PANDA – Perinatal Anxiety & Depression AustraliaPANDA National Helpline 1300 726 306Mon to Fri, 10am - 5pm AEST

! Beyondblue Support Service24-hour support helpline 1300 22 4636

! Lifeline24-hour crisis helpline 13 11 14

! Take 5 – Chums for Mums: join our group on Facebook at www.facebook.com/groups/ 1686586441593874

We want to build a community of readers who can

share their stories and feel supported by other Take 5 readers. As Jessica says, when you’re feeling down, it’s easy to feel all alone. So even if you’re not suff ering yourself, you could still be a friend to someone who is. Go to Facebook and

search for Take 5 Chums for Mums to check out our new group. Tell people how you’re feeling and, if you see someone in need, message them to say you’re

there if they need you.Together we can make

mums realise they’re not alone. And if they’re in need of a hug,

there will always be a chum for them.

Images of Luke and the boys ran through my mind but nothing was going to stop me.

I gripped the steering wheel and yanked it hard to the right, turning into the path of the oncoming vehicle. I was about to squeeze my eyes shut but before I could, I caught a glimpse of the terri! ed face of the man driving and I froze.

Why should he and his family have to su" er just because I was a failure and a terrible mum?

I turned the wheel just in the nick of time, steering back onto the right side of the road. My heart was hammering in my chest.

I couldn’t even succeed at killing myself.

I decided there had to be a better way to do this – a way that wouldn’t involve me harming another person.

So I went home.Luckily when I got there,

Luke was still at work, so I paid the babysitter and hid my goodbye letters in a drawer. Th at night, I was up late

feeding Joseph and logged on to Facebook to pass the time.

Normally, all I saw were

things that made me feel bad about myself, but this time I spotted a link to a blog called Th e Imperfect Mum.

Sounds like me, I thought. So I clicked on it and began

to read. It was like reading my own

story. Th e author had su" ered with postnatal depression and had struggled to cope with motherhood. But in the end she’d built up the courage to go out and get help and was now doing well.

For the ! rst time since Joseph had been born, I no longer felt like I was alone. Th e next day, I booked a

doctor’s appointment and broke down in the surgery.

“You’re su" ering with postnatal depression,” the doctor told me. “But I am

here to help you.”I was put on a

mental health plan, which included medication and sessions with a psychologist.

I instantly felt better for having

reached out and no longer felt alone. Th at night, I sat Luke down

and told him what had been going on.

“I knew you weren’t yourself,” he said, hugging me. “I’ve been trying to help.”

“I wanted to end it all,” I sobbed. “I wrote you a goodbye note and tried to crash the car...”

He was heartbroken. He held me tight and cried with me.

It wasn’t easy but after six months I started to feel better.

When I fell pregnant with

my son Benji, I panicked. But I put preventative measures in place and made sure I had friends, family and health professionals around me to make sure I didn’t go back down that dark road.

Now, I’m speaking out about what I went through because I don’t want other mums to su" er in silence. I want to bring postnatal depression out into the open and get rid of the stigma surrounding it.

Recently I spoke about my experiences at a conference and at the end a woman came up to me in tears.

“I feel exactly how you felt,” she sobbed. “But I’ve been too embarrassed and frightened to tell anyone.” Th e very next day she

booked an appointment with her GP. Th at’s what I call making a

di" erence – and that’s exactly what Chums for Mums could do for you.

What is Chums for Mums?

“I knew you

weren’t yourself”

It was a long road to recovery

I’m speaking out about my experiences

Me and my boys now

I’m much

happier now

Where to get help?

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