DevelopingConflict Competence

Craig Runde and Dr. Debra Dupree

The POWER of CONNECTIONS! Connect before you correct…interject! You have 6 minutes to connect in a group of

THREE. Exchange THREE things about each person in 2

minutes per personWhen it comes. to managing conflict with your clients,

what are you good at and what are you not so good at?

What is your biggest challenge when clients become emotionally triggered?

What is YOUR goal, or one takeaway, for attending this program today?

October 2012 2

ACTIVITY

Relationships At Work - Wakeland Housing Corporation

Individual Conflict Competence - the ability to use cognitive, emotional, and behavioral skills that enhance the productive outcomes of conflict while reducing the likelihood of escalation or harm

Organizational Conflict Competence – creating cultures and systems that support use of individual conflict competence

Defining Conflict Competence

Individual Conflict Competence

• Understanding conflict dynamics

• Enhancing self-awareness

• Regulating emotions

• Reflecting on conflict

• Improving behavioral responses to conflict

Understanding how you respond to workplace conflict

Recognizing what triggers conflict for you

Developing an action plan for personal improvement

Enhancing Self-Awareness

Emotional Self-Regulation

◦ Recognition of somatic responses to conflict

◦ Developing a personal plan of regulating emotion during conflict – different approaches

◦ Creating a plan for slowing down when emotions run too high

The Emotional Side of Conflict

Help people understand physical responses to conflict emotions

Standing exercise

Breathing exercise

Somatic Responses

Our Emotional Intelligence

 

Why people behave the way they do

Understanding DIFFICULT CLIENTS

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Anger Fear

Gladness Shame

Basic Emotions

7 Common Emotional Patterns

1. Guilt2. Taking life too

seriously3. Feeling pressured4. Worrying5. Lack of confidence6. Not saying “no”7. Letting people get

you down

Four Obstacles to Communication

Controlling emotions

Bias / Attitude

Fear Body language

Self Awareness

Social Awareness

Self-Managemen

t

Relationship Managemen

t

March '12OC Mediation Conference 2012

High Conflict Behaviors Rigid &

Uncompromising Difficulty

accepting loss Difficulty healing

from loss Emotions

dominate thinking Inability to reflect

on own behavior

Difficulty empathizing with others

Preoccupied with blaming others

Avoids responsibilityfor the problem or the solution

Depends on others to solve problems

March '12OC Mediation Conference 2012

What drives our BEHAVIOR?

oFear of being wrong…being ignored

oFear of losing…being inferior

oFear of not being liked…being abandoned

oFear of emotional discomfort… being dominated

HIGH CONFLICT FEATURES

• Lack of adaptation

Why they are the way they areHow they contribute to their own problemsOr, how to change

Aaron Beck (1990), Cognitive Therapy of Personality Disorders

Behavior becomes rigidly patternedSocial impairment evolvesRigid behavior evokes responses from others

that “validate” their inflexible beliefs Efrain Bleiberg (2001), Treating Personality Disorders in Children &

Adolescents

March '12OC Mediation Conference 2012

• Lack of self-awareness

The ICEBERG THEORY

How do we get to this?

Listen for the sounds of the BEACH Relationships At Work, Inc.

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Develop at least one technique for addressing how to regulate emotions in conflict situations in the moment

◦ Attentional Deployment◦ Reappraisal

Build resilience to negative emotions by cultivating positivity

Avoid emotional hangovers…it takes 5 positives to counteract 1 negative

Cool Down - Regulating Emotions

Developing a plan before conflict occurs again that will help you delay responses until emotional balance is regained◦ Coffee break◦ Restroom break◦ Straight forward request◦ Plan for the conversation…deliver with structure

Don’t wait until you are already in a heated conflict – too hard at that point

Slow Down - Delaying Responses

Engage Constructively by Increasing Use of Conflictive Responses

◦ Understand current constructive behaviors tendencies

◦ Generally emphasize development of: reaching out, listening for understanding, perspective taking, expressing thoughts and feelings, and creating and vetting solutions

Improving Behavioral Responses

Reaching Out

Listening for Understanding and Perspective Taking

Expressing Thoughts and Feelings

Creating and Vetting Solutions

Increase Use of Constructive Behaviors in Conflict

The 4-Part Exchange

A Conversation About a Conversation

1) Invite the Other into a Conversation about having a Conversation later. Address The Facts First

2) Explore The Impact / Emotion the situation has on each of you

3) Summarize What Is Important Or Of Value To Those Involved And To The Organization

4) Reaching Agreement on How Do We Move Forward?

What will you commit to doing differently?

What will you continue to do because it’s effective?

What will you stop doing because it doesn’t work or get you where you want to go?

Your Takeaways

Dr. Debra Dupree Craig Runde

Dr. Debra Dupree is President and Founder of Relationships-at-Work, Inc. She provides business mediation and leadership development services to create solutions for the workplace that strengthen performance and increase profitability by reducing conflict. Her focus includes emotional intelligence, leadership development, presentation and persuasion strategies, and performance management. Debra’s clients range from technology to finance, from law to military, and from education to utilities. She works with the up and coming, management-challenged, motivated to achieve, and the CEO desiring to improve influence and profitability. Debra’s 2014 Doctoral Dissertation addressed the Psychology of Good Bosses versus Bad Bosses, looking at the neuroscience of behavior and leadership styles. Her first book, in progress, addresses the physiological aspects of emotional behavior behind every decision-making process. Her articles are featured on Innovative Thought and frequently interviewed on programs through ESPN and Radio Reflections. She is currently affiliated with Brandman University and Ryokan College as an Adjunct Professor and previously taught at National University and California Western School of Law in Dispute Resolution (Negotiation, Mediation & Arbitration).

Craig E. Runde is Director of the Center for Conflict Dynamics.  He oversees product development and training programs, and alliances.  Craig is the coauthor of Building Conflict Competent Teams (Jossey-Bass, 2008), Developing Your Conflict Competence (Jossey-Bass, 2010), and Becoming a Conflict Competent Leader - Second Edition (Jossey-Bass,2012).  He is a frequent speaker and commentator on workplace conflict issues and a member of the editorial board of the Journal of Conflict Management. Before joining Eckerd College, he was the director of the International Center for Computer Enhanced Learning at Wake Forest University. Craig received his B.A. from Harvard University, M.L.L. from the University of Denver, and J.D. from Duke University. He has practiced law in Colorado and has taught at the University of Minnesota Law School and Wake Forest University.