crossing over.1

8/13/2019 Crossing Over.1

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rossingAn exclusive e-guide published and produced by theNRI

OverChoices, mistakes, and making peace:

what you need to know before youleave your country behind.

Vinamra

Jain

Priyanka

Sacheti

Akanksha

Seth

Brandi Dawn

Henderson

Jackson

Fraser

Hardik

Dave

Richa

Sanwal

Madhavan

Nayar

Deepa

Gudi

Anuj

Kapoor

Priyanka

Pant



An exclusive e-guide published and produced by theNRI

rossingOver

Introduction 3

Travelogues 4

Vinamra Jain 5

Deepa Gudi 6

Jackson Fraser 7

Priyanka Sacheti 8

Brandi Dawn Henderson 9

Madhavan Nayar 10

Akanksha Seth 11

Hardik Dave 12

Richa Sanwal 13

Priyanka Pant 14

Anuj Kapoor 15

Advice 16On The NRI 18

What Next? 18

About the Author 19



“The world is a bookand those who donot travel read onlyone page.”St. Augustine

This book is only a tool – the readers willbe the ones who will decide what it will dofor them. On the following pages, you willmeet a number of people from all over the world. Each has a different perspective onlife on either side of India’s borders. Someof those people had a choice about whichside of the border to live on, and some ofthem didn’t.

You will read stories about falling inlove, taking risks, and running intodisappointments. The people in this bookhave very few things in common – mostdon’t even know one another. And yet, as you go through their stories, you will beginto notice certain patterns, a common thread

running through all of their lives. Andmaybe at that point you will realize that thatthread runs through your life too.

“Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstratingthat all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introducethe idea that if we try and understand each other, we may evenbecome friends.”

Maya Angelou

It is the hope of The NRI that this book will challenge the way youthink about citizenship and nationalism. We hope that it wil l helpyou realize parallels between your life and the lives of people youhave never met. Let the people in this book tell you what it meansto be born in a country and want to leave or to feel bound (in both

good ways and bad) to a country they have never lived in.Listen to them as they describe their struggles in this globalworld we all have entered for better or for worse, and considertheir warnings and learn from their mistakes. The world is a muchsmaller place now, and you would be surprised what you canlearn from people you think you could never have anything incommon with.

“Travel is fatal toprejudice, bigotry, and

narrow-mindedness.”Mark Twain

Maybe this book will make you want to travel or reach out tosomeone from a culture completely dierent from your own.You might want to suddenly rent a foreign movie, learn a newlanguage, visit that foreign restaurant across the street, or nd a

job in a whole other country. Or it might just make you kinder andmore considerate.

The people in this book felt that way too. They all have some sortof connection to India, but taken together, their stories feel like

they are about something much bigger. Each story comes withadvice about living across countries and also with related readingmaterial on The NRI. These are also presented separately ascomprehensive lists at the end of the book, which almost feel likeessential life lessons.

The Indian connection is just a metaphor for our moderncondition; this book really can be about any one of us fromanywhere in the world. The borders in our modern world are alot more porous than they used to be. Use this book as yourpassport in a world where nationality doesn’t imply belonging andwhere you can cross over again and again and again.

“Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we hadlonger ways to go. But no matter, the road is life.”

Jack Kerouac



Travelogues



Vinamra JainNewcastle, New South Wales, Australia

These days

Vinamra lives inNewcastle, NewSouth Wales, in

Australia, but he was born in

India. He grew up in Dungarpur,Rajasthan, and went to medicalschool in Ahmedabad, Gujarat.

Vinamra is still an Indian citizenbut now also holds permanentresidence in Australia. He iscurrently training in rehabilitationmedicine.

LIFE SO FAR

I mostly wanted to leave India because I wanted to explore

something new. I have always wanted to travel, meet dierentpeople, and experience dierent cultures. Somewhere inside Ialso felt afraid of getting ‘stuck’ where I was. Leaving India to liveand work in an alien country felt like the best way to realize thosedesires.

I can never forget my rst fteen days in Australia. There I was ina completely alien country. I did not know a single person. I didn’tknow how to cook. My mother had tried to teach me how to cookbefore I had left India, but in my stubbornness, I hadn’t let her.I wish I had listened to her then – all I ate my rst two weeks in

Australia was bread, butter, and jam. That only changed when Imade friends with some people who knew how to cook.

So far, I haven’t had to face much of a nancial challenge in Australia - I am part of a large Non-Resident Indian (NRI) diaspora

that works in a profession that is relatively stable and secure. Ido, however, have to deal with cultural challenges. Even afterspending eight years in Australia, I sometimes feel like I’m in analien country. Sometimes I don’t feel like I’m part of the crowd. Ifeel dierent and lonely, as if I have not assimilated enough.

The most dicult part of living overseas is how I have becomecut-o from my past. I cherish my memories of my hometown, myfriends, and my family, and I nd this new estrangement dicult.Most of the rst-generation immigrants I have met deal wi ththese emotional challenges. I have also heard them talk aboutdiscrimination, but I have fortunately never experienced it myself.

My thoughts about returning to India change from one day toanother. The simple answer would be no, I don’t plan on it. I havemany reasons to think this way, but life generally feels a little

easier, fairer, and more egalitarian where I am now.

ADVICE

Learn how to cook before you leave your country. One can only

depend on fast food and restaurants for so long.

ON THE NRI

The Making Of An NRI

My Chapati, Your Chapati

Kitchen Chaos



Deepa GudiBirmingham, UK

Deepa is a first-

generationBritish citizenfrom Birmingham.Both her parentshad migrated to

the United Kingdom fromMumbai, India, in the 1980s.Deepa has also lived in Liverpooland London in the UK and inStillwater, Oklahoma, in theUnited States. She has also

visited India many times. Deepacurrently lives in Birmingham

with her family where she worksas an architect.

LIFE SO FAR

I have never been able to gure out where I belong in the West.

On the one hand, I encountered a lot of underlying racist attitudesfrom the English people. On the other hand, I could never fullyfeel Indian because of the cultural dierences between the UKand India. I often feel lost between these two worlds.

During high school, I was always seen as dierent because I hadnot been brought up in the same cultural setting as the Englishstudents. There was only one other Indian girl in my class, andthe both of us were excluded like lepers from the rest of theclass. This despite our personalities and knowledge of popularculture being the same as that of the other girls. Clearly, it was aracial issue.

I have many friends and family members from India, some ofwhom live in India and many who live outside of India. I have evenmarried an Indian man who is from Mumbai. Nowadays I notice

that more and more Indians from India seem to feel like they havesomething to prove when they come abroad. They also tend notto be very straightforward in their speech. I do feel that NRIs canbe just as confused about their identity as people of Indian origin.

ADVICE

Life as a third culture kid is dicult - it is tough getting thenon-Indians and also the people from India to accept you. Thecultural upbringing is so dierent and can be a breeding groundfor insecurities and social awkwardness. It is important to beable to decide which side you wish to belong to, because livingbetween cultures is not easy, unless you are able to embracethat sort of life with condence and charm. I have found it easierto connect with NRIs from countries outside of the UK than with

people from India, since the common factor is that NRIs did notlive in India either.

ON THE NRI

The Americanisation Of Khadija Ejaz

Why Do Indians Tell So Many Lies?

Birmingham Revisited



Jackson FraserRye, Victoria, Australia

Jackson first

visited India in2012 afterfinishing hisbachelor’sdegree in

Contemporary Music from hishome country of Australia. Henow plans on returning to Indiato study Instrumental Music andPercussion on the tabla at theRabindra Bharati University inKolkata and hopes to maybebecome fluent in Hindi andBengali in the process. He willmake another couple of trips to

India before starting his master’sto play and teach drums andindulge in some musicalculture exchange.

LIFE SO FAR

My interest in India was slow and deep rooted in me. India has

always been, in my mind, a beautiful place with beautiful, friendlypeople. That idea has been with me long enough for me to notknow the source anymore. Rather, it just became a piece of myown individual common knowledge. So once my degree wasnishing, I knew I was going to travel India. It was an obviouschoice. And I was rewarded greatly as chance would have it - Ifell in love with an Indian woman, which when I left to travel Indiadenitely wasn’t on my mind. Another good memory I have of mytime in India is a dinner and breakfast at the Oasis restaurant inRishikesh with good company across the table.

The biggest issue I faced in India was getting Tatkal tickets, butthat was only a bit hard and funnily frustrating. But I still goteverywhere I needed to go when I needed to. I learnt early on thatyou can do anything in India with persistence; I think Indians callthat jugaad.

Some things would have made my trip to India better. I wish I wasuent in Hindi. I wish I knew not to buy the Lonely Planet travelguide because it is garbage and a waste of space in a backpack.I wish someone had told me that Varanasi was going to be anabsolute waste of my time. And I wish I knew not to listen to myfriend Jack when he told me that the tap water in Manali was safeto drink because it runs down from the mountain. He was wrong.

ADVICE

Smile at people. Don’t ever drink tap water no matter whatyour friends try to say. Unless you want to learn what diarrhoeaactually is. Book trains as early as possible. Don’t buy LonelyPlanet. Get there and decide for yourself rather than listening to

what people say about India. India is what you make of it.

ON THE NRI

Why Did I Come To India?

The Train Travelers Guide To The Country

SAIP SHOCK

The ‘Jugaad’ Constant

Getting Back In Sync



Priyanka SachetiPittsburgh, Pennsylvania, USA

Both Jodhpur,

India, andMuscat, Oman,are home toPriyanka - herparents are

from Jodhpur, but most of hergrowing years were spent inMuscat. She has also lived inCoventry and Oxford in the UK,and although she was born inMelbourne, Australia, she holdsIndian citizenship. Priyankarecently got married to an Indian

who grew up in Bangalore andhas moved to Pittsburgh,

Pennsylvania, in the US.

LIFE SO FAR

I lived in India between the ages of two-and-a-half and ve before

moving to Oman where I grew up, completed my schooling, andworked for most of my adult life. I will be most likely relocatingto India in a year or so along with my husband to his hometown,Bangalore. Other than that, I have been visiting India on anannual basis (in some years, I visited it twice); I mostly visitedBombay, Delhi, and my home-state, Rajasthan, while occasionallyexploring other parts of the country.

As a child, I always looked forward to visiting India; we always went thereduring summer holidays, and I equated it with monsoon rains, novelty,escape, and excitement. I spent virtually all my summers during mychildhood (and indeed, many of my adult ones) in Rajasthan, particularlyJodhpur. We also used to transit between Bombay and Delhi and visitedother parts of India, such as Madras, Hyderabad, Ooty, and Indore.

However, by the end of the vacations, as much as I cherished

and enjoyed the novelties that India provided me (snacks, lm-magazines, familiar haunts in Jodhpur/Ajmer), I could not help butlong to return to home, i.e., Oman and its luxuries. I missed theyogurt and milk; I missed my favorite cookies, candy, and pizza;I missed the steady stream of water pouring from the tap, anda world where electricity shortages were unheard of. In short, Iyearned for my air-conditioned, insulated existence.

During my adult life, I found metropolitan India to be vibrant,exciting, and full of opportunities; however, it was one thing tovisit and holiday in Delhi/Bombay for a few days and anotherthing to live, work, and call it home. I always toyed with the ideaof working in India but ultimately, I never gave in, recognisingthat there would be many challenges to overcome – logistical,transport, work culture, attitudes, and otherwise - and at thatpoint of time in life, I was not ready to confront them.

A few years ago, a colleague and I authored this academicpaper in which we were interested in identifying and exploringthe Indian immigrant experience in context to artists and the artthey produced while living in the region of the Persian Gulf in theMiddle East. Thanks to its close proximity to India, large presenceof compatriots and easy availability and accessibility to the Indianway of living (movies, food, clothing, and in Oman, for example,temples, religious occasions, and events), the Gulf has alwaysseemed like an ersatz India: India and yet not-quite. I believe thatthis situation translates into an immigrant experience quite unlikeof those Indians living in say, the US or the UK; in the Gulf, we areperpetual expatriates, outsiders, who never assimilate into ouradopted homeland. We are always on the go, cultural nomads,never stopping long enough to call one place home. Whereas

those living in the countries mentioned above, for example, youassimilate and become a part of the country’s social and cultural

fabric; you identify yourself as a citizen of that country whileacknowledging your heritage and roots. A person of Indian originliving in the Gulf, for example, will never identify themselves as

belonging to their homeland; they will always identify themselvesas Indian...even though in heart of heart, they don’t quite identifywith that label either despite whatever their passport says.

My university years in the UK were denitely a period in my life whichmade me aware of what it was like to be a person of Indian originliving overseas. Until then, I had never consciously thought muchabout the fact that I was an Indian living outside of India. In Oman, Ihad attended an international school with students from 53 dierentcountries, and we all collectively were aware of the fact that we weredisplaced from our homelands and inhabiting a cultural grey-zone.Honestly speaking, we were very much insulated from our adoptedcountry, Oman; the government did not permit Omani students toattend the school, and there was little opportunity to interact with thelocals (at least, personally speaking).

When I arrived in the UK and started university, I often realisedthat people would describe me as Omani. When I said that I wasIndian, they were always a li ttle surprised, assuming that as I hadgrown up and lived a good part of my life there, I called Oman myhomeland. I began to think more consciously about my identity asan Indian person living abroad; at the same time, I encounteredidentity politics during my studies and became further interestedin how to dene myself.

While pursuing my master’s degree at Oxford, I even wrote anarticle about navigating and understanding my identity; I wasphotographed in dierent cultural costumes, including a Mexicanponcho and Japanese kimono. For me, this article made meunderstand more than ever that I was Indian - but not quite.I feel that describing myself as a global citizen sounds a little

pretentious but let’s just put it this way: I see myself as a culturalsmorgasbord, picking and choosing whatever suits me.

ADVICE

Be yourself. Whatever you are. You are the sum of everythingthat you have experienced and witnessed and felt - and thereforebecome the embodiment of that. I embrace and appreciatemy Indian identity and heritage while absorbing the avors andinuences of whichever country that I have happened to inhabitand call home, however briey.

ON THE NRI

When In The UAE….Comings And Goings Of An NRI



Brandi Dawn HendersonPortland, Oregon, USA

Brandi has come

a long way from where she grewup in the Magic

Valley region ofsouthern Idaho

in the United States. Not onlyhas she lived in many statesacross the US (including

Alaska!), but she has also beento India several times, with hertime most concentrated in NewDelhi; Varanasi and Dhampur inUttar Pradesh; and Vashisht inHimachal Pradesh. At themoment, she’s back in the US

where she writes and teachesothers to write from her homebase on the Oregon Coast. Shealso runs an e-magazine called‘Outside In Literary & TravelMagazine’.

LIFE SO FAR

I was young and dumb and completely smitten with a man who

was half Indian and who kept half-translated Sanskrit love poemsscattered on his living room table in Seattle when I met him. Hetraveled to India for a project and invited me along; my immediateacceptance would lead to my rst time traveling outside the US.

I didn’t know anything about how to travel well. I didn’tunderstand how to be a traveler versus a tourist, the ways inwhich to learn new customs, or how to present myself in anyother way than I always had. I made just about every mistakeI could have made, but I learned from them and grew tounderstand how to be someone more complex than I’d previouslyknown how to be.

I wish I would have known how capable I was, how able tocommunicate and be smart with my trust. During my rst four monthsin India, I was terried I didn’t have what it took to learn about a

new place, especially a place so dierent from where I’d grown.I spent much of ve years in India, and there is no one event thatcould possibly sum it up, but I have very fond memories of ridingtrains in sleeper class w ith Pawan, from Varanasi, who came tobe like my brother and with my Scottish best friend, Susanna,who I became friends with when we wrote for the same magazinein Delhi. I love the conversations and experiences I had on thetrains: a giant man with a spear once shared grapes with Susannaand me, and another time, two teenagers hopped on the movingtrain with a machete and proceeded to obliterate a pineappleinches in front of us. One of the boys was missing an eye.

ADVICE

Keep your eyes open. Breathe. Be kind. If you expect certainkindnesses of yourself at home, do your best to extend themabroad as well, no matter how frustrated you might get. Takeshort videos of those who come to be important to you, so youcan watch them when you get back home where they will makeyou laugh and cry and remember those who were instrumental inmaking your visit what it was, good or bad or both.

ON THE NRI

The Former Expats’ Union

Demystifying The Indian Domestic Airport



Madhavan NayarMuscat, Sultanate of Oman

Madhavan is a

pediatricsurgeon whohas lived inMuscat, Oman,since 1986. He

was born in Thiruvananthapuram,Kerala, in India and has alsolived in Pune, Delhi, Chandigarh,and Cochin. Madhavan is anIndian citizen who holdspermanent residence in theUS where his wife and twogrown daughters also live.

LIFE SO FAR

I left India for professional reasons. I wanted to achieve some sort

of satisfaction in my career. Most private hospitals in India oeronly nancial satisfaction; they are no place for principles. As adoctor working in private practice in India, you have to leave yourheart and soul at home.

I have fortunately faced very few challenges while living in Oman.There are a lot of similarities between the country I was born inand the one I live in, particularly doctor-patient relationships,which are almost similar in both India and Oman. I suppose life inthe Middle East is known to every Keralite with one caveat - thisis not permanent and can end anytime, very unlike expatriationand consequent challenges in the developed world.

I plan to return to India in the near short term. I will then move to theUS semi-permanently after a couple of years. I may relocate back toIndia later.

ADVICE

Go with a positive attitude; do not be condescending nor beoverawed with anything or anyone. All are equal. Do not wearyour religion on your sleeve; remember, it is an intensely privatematter. Learn the language at all costs, it helps immensely.With every passing day, the world is getting smaller and thepeople that inhabit it closer than ever before, strife and povertynotwithstanding.

ON THE NRI

The Avoidable Approximations In Indian Hospitals

Doctors Vs Satyamev Jayate



Akanksha SethSingapore City, Singapore

Akanksha may

be in SingaporeCity, Singapore,studying for herMBA, but this isnot the first time

she has lived outside of India.She spent her early years in theUnited States where she lived

with her family in Plano, Texas,and Cupertino, California.

Akanksha is originally fromBangalore, India, and has alsolived in Chandigarh and Delhi.

LIFE SO FAR

My family is from Bangalore, India, but until I was ten years old,

we lived in the US. We returned to Bangalore in 2000 when myfather was in the midst of a career change. I was too young tounderstand what was happening then and quite enjoyed movingback to India.

India isn’t as exciting for me anymore. I want more globalexposure. I love traveling and can’t stay in one place for a longtime. India doesn’t give me the scope to grow as much as otherplaces do. I would return to India to work if there was a greatopportunity with a lot of moolah, and of course, to visit my family,but I don’t think the place is for me anymore. It’s not changingfor the better. I personally don’t see it growing in terms of theempowerment of women and the dependency of foreign markets.Everything in India is quite slow. There are hardly any deadlines,and even if they are there, they are never taken seriously. In theUS, they are so pertinent about time that you sometimes lose

yourself in how fast-paced the environment is.

Living overseas has its own challenges. I experienced someracism when I lived in Texas in the US. I did not face any of thoseproblems in California, though, or in Singapore. In any case, livingoverseas forces one to become very independent. I have to doeverything myself, and without the company of that many Indians.Many people can’t pronounce your name unless you have aPunjabi nickname like Tanya or Bobby. The Indian accent canbe dicult to understand overseas, and it makes people laugh.One time a cashier at a supermarket couldn’t understand what Iwas saying and was sniggering with the other cashier because Icouldn’t understand what she was saying. And I was carrying somany things. In India, there are so many bhaiyyas who will helpcarry your groceries to the car or at least outside somewhere.

That doesn’t happen overseas - nobody comes to help you.Independence is the name of the game, but it doesn’t come easily.

Despite having lived overseas before, I still don’t think I preparedmyself enough before moving to Singapore for my MBA. I wish Ihad taken the time to learn about the sort of clothing that wouldhave helped me t in (blazer and pants in Singapore). I wish I hadpracticed the exchange rate valuation and balanced it more. Iwish I had known when and what to say to people from dierentcultures and what gifts to oer them. And how to apply make-upproperly. It is so important to be groomed.

ADVICE

Expect the unexpected. Be open-minded. Indians take

everything to heart. Don’t always wear your heart on your s leeve.Understand that dishonesty can sometimes, unfortunately, go along way. Start addressing people by their name and not ‘Sir’ or‘Ma’am’. Don’t apologise for things that you haven’t done. Don’toer your food to any and every person because they will mostprobably not oer theirs to you and then you’ll feel bad.

ON THE NRI

Neither Here Nor There

Customer Is Not King Anymore

IST- Indian Stretchable Time



Hardik DavePoughkeepsie, New York, USA

Hardik was

born in Gujarat,India, but nowconsiders the UShis home. Hecurrently lives in

Poughkeepsie, New York, withhis wife and young son wherehe works as a business analyst.Hardik has also lived in Storrsand West Hartford inConnecticut.

LIFE SO FAR

I left India with my family in 1998 when the American immigration

gods smiled upon us. The US was attractive to us because wehad a large extended family there and also because there weresimply more opportunities for us in America. I don’t think I wouldever return to India except maybe for short visits. I feel thatconnections with friends and family are much stronger in the USthan they are in India.

I also met my wife here. She was raised in a Muslim family ofmixed Indian-Pakistani origins and had grown up in Oman,Pakistan, and the US. We met at university where we were bothenrolled in a Modern Indian History class.

My wife and I faced some problems with our family and friendswhen we decided to get married. I was raised in a Hindu family,and religion was an issue but, thankfully, not as big as onewould imagine. Being in the US helped; our families did not have

to worry about the usual ‘societal’ pressures. Getting marriedoutside my national and religious community was quite tough, butit has been a completely rewarding experience. It has helped melearn a lot about myself.

One of the biggest positives of the NRI experience in the US isthe diversity of Indian and non-Indian people that one can meet.I don’t think there are too many places in India where you get tointeract with that type of diversity. Also, after a few years of livingoutside India, one gets a great perspective on the country andits problems and a better understanding of how to come up wi thnew solutions.

In my opinion, nothing prepares you for the culture shock ofan East-to-West move. The best thing is to know yourself. Therest you can learn when you get there. The biggest on-going

challenge will be nding the right balance of Indian-ness versus American-ness. Other challenges such as diculties with a newlanguage and culture are temporary. I was a high school studentwhen I rst moved to the US, and I had not studied in an English-medium school in India. I was not uent in English and had totake ESL (English as a Second Language) classes to help myselfgain condence as an English speaker. I have no trouble with thelanguage now. Most people I know have a hard time believingthat once upon a time I had trouble with English!

ADVICE

Openly interact with as many dierent people as possible and let

your biases breakdown.

ON THE NRI

Does Religion Really Matter?

How Many Englishes Can You Speak?



Richa SanwalGurgaon, Haryana, India

Richa has lived

her whole life inIndia. She wasborn in Bathinda,Punjab, butspent most of

her growing years in Pune,Maharashtra, where she earneda business degree from theSymbiosis School of Arts andCommerce. Today, she lives

with her family in Gurgaon,Haryana. For the past couple of

years, Richa has been workingin broadcast journalism in NewDelhi, and she has now set her

sights on going overseas for hermaster’s degree.

LIFE SO FAR

A couple of years ago I was living by myself as a paying guestin New Delhi, and i t occurred to me one day that I needed to dobetter for myself. I had always heard stories of successful, youngpeople who would talk about that re burning in their bellies. Thatre would tell them to get up and do something. I too felt thaturge to excel in life, and I knew the only way I could do it was toearn a master’s degree overseas. My family and I have alwaysgiven a lot of importance to education; my father has often saidthat he is willing to spend fty lakhs on education but not evenone lakh for a leisure trip abroad.

I decided to study abroad so that I could get a better perspectiveof things and a better look at what the world has in store for me. Iwant to experience a dierent culture, learn new skills, and generallyupgrade myself.

I started my research by rst talking to the right people. I was

lucky to have been working at one of the leading news channelsin India where I was able to meet people who would mentorme throughout this process. I spoke with friends who hadalready been abroad, and I also checked out the websites ofthe universities I wanted to apply to. My foremost focus wason the reputation of the university and the course i t had tooer. Choosing the right course is an essential part of guringout where to study overseas. I chose the course that suitedmy interests and long-term goals and applied to the four bestuniversities according to their rankings. The application processwasn’t easy; there is so much paperwork that needs to be takencare of. I had to coordinate with many people so that I could getmy application in order. It all paid o in the end – I got into one ofthe programmes I had applied to. At the moment I don’t plan onleaving India for good; there are many opportunities here now, at

least in my eld.I still worry, however, about funding my overseas education. Ialso worry about the pressures of studying and living in a newenvironment. I have no idea what to expect. I hope I can get apart-time job while pursuing my degree. I’m afraid that I will notknow how to get things done in a new country. What if I’m notable to understand what the people there are trying to say tome? I’m talking about day-to-day dealings; I haven’t even got toworrying about dierent accents yet!

ADVICE

Consider the courses oered by the best universities in your eld.Then understand your budget. Be honest with yourself aboutthe worst-case scenario. Don’t immediately put aside the ideaof applying to a Harvard or a Yale because you think they woulddrill a hole through your pocket. There is a reason why theseuniversities are considered top-notch.

ON THE NRI

Equal Opportunities

Indian Tiger Parenting

Opening India’s Education Goldmine

The College Admission Quagmire



Priyanka PantNew Delhi, India

Priyanka may

have an Indianpassport, butshe only recentlystarted living inIndia. She was

born and raised in Kuwait City,Kuwait, and studied in Copenhagenin Denmark, and Amherst,Massachusetts, in the UnitedStates. These days she worksin broadcast journalism in NewDelhi where she is discovering,maybe for the first time, whatit means to be Indian.

LIFE SO FAR

I returned to India, the country my parents had left close to threedecades ago, partly to “nd myself.” It was 2009, and I had spentnine unhappy months working in Kuwait after moving back homefrom the United States.

In terms of real world employability, I had a pretty useless degree- an honours BA in English Literature and Legal Studies (I waspre-law in college). I had no friends left in Kuwait, and my dailyroutine was simply work-home-sleep-repeat! I came across alisting at New Delhi Television (NDTV) late night via Google andapplied on a whim. I got in and moved to India after three days. Iwas extremely excited about the prospect of living and working inNew Delhi, a city I only knew from occasional hot, sticky summervacations from my childhood.

On the whole, I have found the move to India extremelyrewarding. On a personal front, I have been able to seriouslystudy Indian classical dance and music. I’ve been able to improvemy language skills. I’ve met more extended family than I everknew possible, and living here means I’m no longer missingon important family milestones like weddings, etc. I spoke andunderstood Hindi fairly well before moving to India, and mylanguage skills have predictably improved since. I used to think inEnglish, translate it in my head, and then say it out loud in Hindi.I am able to “think” in Hindi now, which of course means I’m a lotmore uent. Unfortunately, I still can’t read or write it!

Before moving here, most of what I knew about India was eithera romanticised vision handed down by my parents of the countrythey had left behind or the “India Shining” image so popular inacademic circles in the US. Living and working here, I’d like tothink I now have a more nuanced view of “Incredible India.”

Of course living in India comes with its challenges - the seeminglyincurable red-tape, the constant staring and occasionalharassment on the streets of a city like New Delhi, the incrediblyslow pace at which basic services are provided, the powercuts, the occasional lack of water, the mosquitoes, the heat, theextreme cold (four years of living in the American Northeast didnothing to prepare me for the biting Delhi winter)...the list can benever-ending.

One of the most challenging things, professionally, has beenadapting to hierarchical set-ups in organisations - calling people“Sir” and “Ma’am” just doesn’t come naturally but is certainly anexpectation here.

My advice to women moving to India? Learn to love yourstraightening iron, and get ready to spend on facial wipes and

cotton clothes and dupattas. For a good six months after movinghere, I had uncontrollably frizzy hair, a forever shiny T-zone, and

had to deal with uncomfortable stickiness and a constant coughfrom wearing non-breathable clothes and inhaling the noxiousfumes from autorickshaws.

ADVICE

Be clear about your intentions to move back to India. Are youlooking to broaden your horizons, rediscover yourself and yourheritage, or trying to make your resume look good? Living inIndia can be a challenge, especially if you’re making the move byyourself. However, if you have your priorities straight, it can be anextremely enriching and rewarding experience.

ON THE NRI

It’s All Hindi To Me

Working With Indian Men

Sanctuary/Chaos



Anuj Kapoor Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Both of Anuj’s

parents arePunjabi, andthey left India forCanada in the60s. He was

born many years later inMontreal, Quebec. Anuj nowlives in Toronto, Ontario, withhis wife, who is a Canadian ofSri Lankan origin, and their

young son.

LIFE SO FAR

I have been to India a few times in my life - my last visit was in2011 – but I have spent my entire life in Canada. Growing up asa second-generation Indian in Montreal was dicult. The cultureof Montreal is such that there has been an ongoing battle forlinguistic supremacy with the Francophone population, who arevery protective of their culture and hold on to the alienation theyexperienced earlier in the century, which keeps their wounds fresh.

As a ‘brown’ kid growing up in a predominantly White Frenchcity and province, I was always aware of cases of racial tension.Being an Anglo did not help either. There weren’t very manyIndian people within the suburbs of Montreal in the 1980s andearly 1990s, so people’s understanding of Indian culture wasalways skewed. These days I am proud to be Indian, but I will notpush my beliefs so far as to force them upon my neighbours or toalienate them. Alienation is a common problem in Canada, wherepeople of one community often feel threatened by the beliefs of

another group.

A few instances in my life illustrate the challenges which wereand still are faced by those of us who are of Indian origin. As achild going to elementary school, I remember one girl asking me ifmy family danced around the re like Native Americans (they arecalled Indians as well). She then proceeded to show me how thedance was done. Later in my late teens, I came across a FrenchCanadian who primarily spoke French, and while I was speakingwith him in English, he had told me to go back to my country.

ADVICE

Hold on to your beliefs but be respectful of the culture whereyou live.

ON THE NRI

North American Desis

Gangs Of Vancouver: Part 1

The Bangalore-Bordeaux Border



Advice



AdviceLearn how to cook before you leave your country. One can onlydepend on fast food and restaurants for so long.

Life as a third culture kid is difficult - it is tough getting the non-Indians and also the people from India to accept you. The culturalupbringing is so dierent and can be a breeding ground forinsecurities and social awkwardness. It is important to be able todecide which side you wish to belong to, because living betweencultures is not easy, unless you are able to embrace that sort oflife with condence and charm. I have found it easier to connectwith NRIs from countries outside of the UK than with people fromIndia, since the common factor is that NRIs did not live in Indiaeither.

Smile at people. Don’t ever drink tap water no matter whatyour friends try to say. Unless you want to learn what diarrhoeaactually is. Book trains as early as possible. Don’t buy LonelyPlanet. Get there and decide for yourself rather than listening towhat people say about India. India is what you make of it.

Be yourself. Whatever you are. You are the sum of everythingthat you have experienced and witnessed and felt - and thereforebecome the embodiment of that. I embrace and appreciatemy Indian identity and heritage while absorbing the avors andinuences of whichever country that I have happened to inhabitand call home, however briey.

Keep your eyes open. Breathe. Be kind. If you expect certainkindnesses of yourself at home, do your best to extend themabroad as well, no matter how frustrated you might get. Takeshort videos of those who come to be important to you, so youcan watch them when you get back home where they will makeyou laugh and cry and remember those who were instrumental inmaking your visit what it was, good or bad or both.

Go with a positive attitude; do not be condescending nor beoverawed with anything or anyone. All are equal. Do not wearyour religion on your sleeve; remember, it is an intensely privatematter. Learn the language at all costs, it helps immensely.With every passing day, the world is getting smaller and thepeople that inhabit it closer than ever before, strife and povertynotwithstanding.

Expect the unexpected. Be open-minded. Indians takeeverything to heart. Don’t always wear your heart on your sleeve.Understand that dishonesty can sometimes, unfortunately, go along way. Start addressing people by their name and not ‘Sir’ or‘Ma’am’. Don’t apologise for things that you haven’t done. Don’toer your food to any and every person because they will mostprobably not oer theirs to you and then you’ll feel bad.

Openly interact with as many different people as possible and letyour biases breakdown.

Consider the courses offered by the best universities in your field. Then understand your budget. Be honest with yourself aboutthe worst-case scenario. Don’t immediately put aside the ideaof applying to a Harvard or a Yale because you think they woulddrill a hole through your pocket. There is a reason why theseuniversities are considered top-notch.

Be clear about your intentions to move back to India. Are youlooking to broaden your horizons, rediscover yourself and yourheritage, or trying to make your resume look good? Living inIndia can be a challenge, especially if you’re making the move byyourself. However, if you have your priorities straight, it can be anextremely enriching and rewarding experience.

Hold on to your beliefs but be respectful of the culture where youlive.



The Making Of An NRIMy Chapati, Your ChapatiKitchen ChaosThe Americanisation Of Khadija EjazWhy Do Indians Tell So Many Lies?Birmingham RevisitedWhy Did I Come To India?

The Train Travelers Guide To The CountrySAIP SHOCKThe ‘Jugaad’ ConstantGetting Back In SyncWhen In The UAE….Comings And Goings Of An NRIThe Former Expats’ UnionDemystifying The Indian Domestic AirportThe Avoidable Approximations In Indian HospitalsDoctors Vs Satyamev JayateNeither Here Nor ThereCustomer Is Not King AnymoreIST- Indian Stretchable TimeDoes Religion Really Matter?How Many Englishes Can You Speak?

Equal OpportunitiesIndian Tiger ParentingOpening India’s Education GoldmineThe College Admission QuagmireIt’s All Hindi To MeWorking With Indian MenSanctuary/ChaosNorth American DesisGangs Of Vancouver: Part 1The Bangalore-Bordeaux Border

What next?Do you have any ideas or suggestions regarding subject matter for future ebooks for The NRI?

Get in touch with us at www.the-nri.com.



About the authorKhadija Ejaz is an internationallypublished and translated poet andthe author of several books. She isalso the editor of The Exhibitionist,an online magazine for creativepeople. Khadija has lived in India,Oman, Canada, and the US. Herbackground includes informationtechnology and broadcast

journalism, and she also dabblesin lmmaking and photography.



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