Divorce Ribs

Characters

SANDERSON, a man, mid-twenties

MCNAB, the same

Setting

The back deck of an apartment.

Divorce RibsCopyright © 2000 by William Donnelly

wdonnelly@townisp.com

Divorce Ribs 2

SANDERSON tends to a grill; he holds tongs and a beer. MCNAB enters.

MCNABWhat’cha got there?

SANDERSONWhat?

MCNABWhat’cha cookin’?

SANDERSONRibs.

MCNABAre ya now. (Pause.) Smells good. (Pause.) What’cha got, then . . . beef . . . ?

SANDERSONPork.

MCNABPork. Right. Yeah. (Pause.) And the sauce . . . ?

SANDERSONThat’s mine.

MCNABIs it?

SANDERSONFrom my own recipe, yeah.

MCNABI didn’t know you did that.

SANDERSONOh, yeah.

MCNABWhat, ah . . . if you don’t mind my asking . . . as far as ingredients . . . ?

SANDERSONYou got molasses . . . vinegar . . . this and that.

Divorce Ribs 3

MCNABMm. Molasses. Can I taste?

SANDERSONG’head.

MCNABYa sure?

SANDERSONG’head. (MCNAB tastes. He makes a face) Good?

MCNABYeah.

SANDERSONWhat’s the matter?

MCNABWhat . . . ?

SANDERSONLooks like you made a face.

MCNABJust the act of tasting.

SANDERSONYou don’t like it?

MCNABNo, it’s good. It’s very good. (Pause.) Little heavy on the vinegar.

SANDERSONY’think so?

MCNABFor my taste.

SANDERSONHuh . . .

MCNABBut it’s your sauce. I don’t wanna . . . It’s your sauce. (SANDERSON tastes.)

Divorce Ribs 4

SANDERSONGuess it is a little . . .

MCNABJust a little.

SANDERSONSo, whadaya think, then? Molasses?

MCNABMolasses might work.

SANDERSONMaybe I’ll add some molasses.

MCNABGot a bunch then, huh?

SANDERSONOf the sauce?

MCNABOf the ribs.

SANDERSONI got a few.

MCNABHow they sell ‘em?

SANDERSONWhadaya mean?

MCNABHow do you get ‘em? By the pound?

SANDERSONBy the rack.

MCNABLike, “A Rack of Ribs”?

SANDERSONGuess so.

Divorce Ribs 5

MCNABAnd how many you get?

SANDERSONCouple two three.

MCNABLooks like a bunch.

SANDERSONI got a few.

MCNABAnd they’re from the store, you said?

SANDERSONFrom the butcher.

MCNABNice. And what are we talking about for preparation?

SANDERSONNothing much . . . lay ‘em out . . . salt n’ pepper rub . . .

MCNABJust salt n’ pepper . . . ?

SANDERSONA mixture of salt n’ pepper . . . ya rub it in . . .

MCNABWith your hands you do this?

SANDERSONThat’s what I use.

MCNABJust you and your hands right there on the meat?

SANDERSONThat’s what I use.

MCNABHow long a process we talking about?

Divorce Ribs 6

SANDERSONThe rubbing’s quick. The cooking takes a little while.

MCNABThe grilling part you’re saying.

SANDERSONFor them to be edible and not “poison,” yes, it takes a while.

MCNABPoison.

SANDERSONFrom the trichinosis.

MCNABRight. (Pause.) But they say it isn’t the danger it once was.

SANDERSONWho says?

MCNABThey say trichinosis is largely a thing of the past . . .

SANDERSONReally?

MCNAB. . . since the farmers don’t feed their pigs garbage anymore. Not mostly anyway.

SANDERSONSeems like a positive trend.

MCNABDoesn’t it? Sure made me glad when I heard it. But that’s the thing about Life sometimes.Every once in a while . . .

SANDERSONThat’s right . . .

MCNABEvery now and again, something turns from being shitty, to be being . . .

SANDERSON. . . to being “less so.”

Divorce Ribs 7

Pause.

MCNABSo, how’d it go today?

SANDERSONAh . . .

MCNABDid she show?

SANDERSONNo.

MCNABSo you didn’t have to see her?

SANDERSONBut I didn’t think I would is the thing. It was just an “appearance.” She didn’t have to bethere. I met my lawyer, went in front of the judge, told him it was uncontested, signed somestuff, went out got the ribs, then I come home. (Pause.) Wasn’t cheap either.

MCNABThe ribs?

SANDERSONThe fees.

MCNABI’ll bet.

SANDERSONLawyer . . . processing . . . You can see why people would wanna go someplace cheap.

MCNABMust be a relief, though.

SANDERSONIt’s a bit of a relief.

MCNABMust be a load off.

SANDERSONIt is, I guess. Guess it’s sorta been hanging there.

Divorce Ribs 8

MCNABHave you talked to her?

SANDERSONTalked to her last night. She said she was “sorry.”

MCNABBet she did.

SANDERSONYeah, she said, “This isn’t how I meant for it to end.”

MCNABAnd how did she mean for it to end? Is that what that means? How does this girl operate?Not in any thoughtful way. Saying things like that. [Not that it’s my place.]

SANDERSONI think she just said it.

MCNAB[I don’t mean to run her down.]

SANDERSONI think she just said it to keep the phone from being silent.

MCNABYeah. (Pause.) I don’t know. (Pause.) But then I don’t know. I don’t know how you keepfrom strangling her.

SANDERSONShe’s a little lost.

MCNABI’d say a little more than a little. So, what, she’s sorry, she didn’t mean it, so what else? Didshe at least say it a lot?

SANDERSONShe started talking about the wedding. “Remember such-and-such? And how the ministerskipped the candle part. And how my grandmother said, ‘It was a beautiful ceremony: toobad it wasn’t Catholic.’”

And then she starts talking about the ritual of the thing. How you walk down the aisle, andyou say the words they’ve always been saying, and you kiss the bride like they’ve alwayskissed the bride, and you look into each other’s eyes, and you see your whole life stretchedout in front of you like a road.

Divorce Ribs 9

And then she says, But there’s no ritual for ending. There’s a process, and a procedure, butno ceremony.

And I could see what she was saying.

There should be a ritual.

(Pause. He tends to the ribs.)

MCNABI think I would’ve strangled her. (Pause.) So who-all is this for, then?

SANDERSONAnyone who wants it.

MCNABThe whole house?

SANDERSONThe roommates . . . Scotty if he wants to come by . . . downstairs if they wanna come up.

MCNABLooks like you got plenty.

SANDERSONOh, I got enough. And corn. Slaw for whoever wants it. Cornbread. You Gotta Feed YourPeople. That’s the way I understand it anyway.

(Pause.)

MCNABWe should probably do this everytime.

SANDERSONYou think so?

MCNABEverytime you get divorced, yes.

SANDERSON tends to the ribs; drinks his beer.