EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE:

Managing Me

Motivating Me

Managing Others

Psychologist,Bruce Christopher

www.bcseminars.com

I wonder what is the

real purpose of these feelings I am feeling?

Why don’t people talk about theirWhy don’t people talk about theirEmotions at work?Emotions at work?

What is an Emotion and Why am I so Emotional?What is an Emotion and Why am I so Emotional?

The anatomy of an emotionThe anatomy of an emotion

Once upon a time, I was Once upon a time, I was walking in the forest. . . And I walking in the forest. . . And I came upon a Big, Bad, -----came upon a Big, Bad, -----

or

An Emotion, then, is really a An Emotion, then, is really a Signal to take:Signal to take:

__________________________________________ACTION!ACTION!

That’s why it’s called anThat’s why it’s called an

E--MotionE--Motion

““We are saber-toothed tigersWe are saber-toothed tigerswith cell phones.”with cell phones.”

So, what this really means is. . .So, what this really means is. . .

Our Emotions Sometime get the Our Emotions Sometime get the Best of us. . .but how can we handleBest of us. . .but how can we handleThem?Them?

The Hardest One of All. . .The Hardest One of All. . .

1. Postponing1. Postponing

2.2. Finding the TriggersFinding the Triggers

Get a Grip on AngerGet a Grip on Anger

3.3. Mixing Pleasantness with Anger –Mixing Pleasantness with Anger –The Oil & Water EffectThe Oil & Water Effect

4.4. Re-labeling your Anger -- Re-labeling your Anger -- The Iceberg PrincipleThe Iceberg Principle

5.5. Re-aligning your Expectations –Re-aligning your Expectations –The 999 RuleThe 999 Rule

ExpectationsExpectations

RealityReality

ReallyReallyReallyReallyReallyReallyReallyReallyReallyReally

IMPORTANTIMPORTANT

5 c5 c

999999 RULERULE

99.9%

All Behavior is Reasonable.All Behavior is Reasonable.All Behavior is Reasonable.All Behavior is Reasonable.All Behavior is Reason-Enabled.All Behavior is Reason-Enabled.All Behavior is Reason-Enabled.All Behavior is Reason-Enabled.

The third stepThe third stepTo becoming To becoming A super-star:A super-star:

What does a marshmallow have to do What does a marshmallow have to do with success?with success?

Introducing: Your Reticular ActivatingIntroducing: Your Reticular Activating System!System!

The GoalThe Goal The TemptationThe Temptation Train yourTrain yourBrainBrain

Buy a newBuy a newhousehouse

The Mall ofThe Mall ofAmericaAmerica

Visualize:Visualize:The kitchenThe kitchenLiving roomLiving roomEntertainingEntertainingR.O.IR.O.I

ReRemember, your brain maximizes Pleasuremember, your brain maximizes PleasureAnd minimizes Pain. . .And minimizes Pain. . .

Through visualization, make it more PAINFULThrough visualization, make it more PAINFULto to notnot achieve your goal than it is to give into achieve your goal than it is to give intothe temptation!the temptation!

How good are you at How good are you at ““Reading Other People”?Reading Other People”?

What you are doing is shoutingWhat you are doing is shoutingSo loud at me, that I can’t hearSo loud at me, that I can’t hearWhat you are saying!What you are saying!

WORDSWORDS

NON-NON-VERBALSVERBALS TONETONE

A Quick Quiz on Empathy: A Quick Quiz on Empathy: Find the Empathy-ResponseFind the Empathy-Response

1.1. ““I remember when I lost my cat too. We couldn’t find her for days. I remember when I lost my cat too. We couldn’t find her for days. I was just so upset.”I was just so upset.”

2.2. ““Don’t worry, things aren’t so bad. After all, behind every cloud is Don’t worry, things aren’t so bad. After all, behind every cloud is a silver lining.”a silver lining.”

3.3. ““Oh you poor thing! I am sooooo sorry this happened to you! Oh you poor thing! I am sooooo sorry this happened to you! Look, I brought you some hot dish. Now you just eat up andLook, I brought you some hot dish. Now you just eat up and you’ll feel better.”you’ll feel better.”

4.4. ““That waiter was so mean to you. Why if I were you, I’d complainThat waiter was so mean to you. Why if I were you, I’d complain to the manager. You shouldn’t let people walk all over you!”to the manager. You shouldn’t let people walk all over you!”

5.5. ““So, you’re feeling exhausted because of your hard day at work,So, you’re feeling exhausted because of your hard day at work, right?”right?”

Emotions are always. . .Emotions are always. . .

1. 1. PP______________rojectroject The art of mirroring:The art of mirroring:

““We must be the changeWe must be the change we wish to see.”we wish to see.” GhandiGhandi

2. 2. RR______________eflecteflect The art of Empathy:The art of Empathy:

““Reflecting back with Reflecting back with Understanding”Understanding”

3. 3. PP__________________erspecterspect The art of providingThe art of providingalternative perspectivesalternative perspectivesOr, the Big Picture:Or, the Big Picture:

““Another way to look atAnother way to look at this might be. . .”this might be. . .”

4. 4. SS__________________electelect The art of facilitating The art of facilitating Choices and creative-Choices and creative-Problem-solving:Problem-solving:

““What are some otherWhat are some other Ideas we can think of. . .”Ideas we can think of. . .”

Now playing, Bruce is Now playing, Bruce is

At Circuit City!At Circuit City!

How could Bruce have Emotionally How could Bruce have Emotionally Managed himself more effectively?Managed himself more effectively?

How could the manager have How could the manager have Emotionally Managed Bruce moreEmotionally Managed Bruce moreeffectively?effectively?

People Show up for you, according to People Show up for you, according to your perceptions of them. . .your perceptions of them. . .

The Power of the Perception & The Power of the Perception & The Power of the Message:The Power of the Message:

The impact of a label on self-esteemThe impact of a label on self-esteemand performance.and performance.

1.1. What did you see from the “UP” group?What did you see from the “UP” group?

2. What did you see from the “DOWN” group?2. What did you see from the “DOWN” group?

3. How does the teacher get the students to 3. How does the teacher get the students to believe her?believe her?