‘IhaveenjoyedMichaelNeill’sworkformanyyearsandbenefitedfromitinmyownlife.InTheInside-OutRevolution,heoffersabrilliantapproachforcreatingmorepeaceofmindwhilekeepingyouredgeintoday’sbusyworld.Don’t just read this book – let it pour into your consciousness andrevolutionizeyourlife!’

PAULMCKENNA,INTERNATIONALBESTSELLINGAUTHOROFCHANGEYOURLIFEIN7DAYSANDICANMAKEYOUTHIN

‘Ididnotexpecttoreadthisinonesitting,butonceIstartedIcouldn’tstop.TheInside-OutRevolutionencompassesthebeautyandwisdomoftheages,delivered in a way that makes it extremely relevant to today’s challenges.MichaelNeillwritesnotasaguruoranexpert,butasafriendwhohasfoundthewayhomeandiseagertosharethepathwiththereader.Ifyoucouldonlyreadonebookinyourlifetime,I’drecommendthisone.’

SHAMAKABANI,CEOOFTHEMARKETINGZENGROUP

‘TheInside-OutRevolutionisapowerfulnewwaytowakeourselvesupoutof the trance of life.Destined to be a practical, spiritual classic, this bookshowsyouexactlyhowyourthoughtscreateyourreality.’

GAYHENDRICKS,PH.D.,NEWYORKTIMESBESTSELLINGAUTHOROFCONSCIOUSLOVINGANDTHETENZINGNORBUMYSTERIES

‘Trulyrevolutionary–themostprofoundandlife-changingmessageyouwillever read.This isabookyou’llpickup timeandagain– I’ve read it threetimes and am already recommending it to all the students I teach andindividualsIcoach.’

JANEHOLROYDMBE,VISITINGFELLOW,BOURNEMOUTHUNIVERSITY

‘The Inside-OutRevolution is simply a beautiful presentation of the onlythingyouneedtoknowforwell-beingandhappiness.Writtenfrompersonalinsights and real-life examples, Michael Neill makes it easy to grasp theinnateprinciplesthatcreateourfeelingsandexperience.Ihighlyrecommendthisbooktoanyonewantingtruewisdom.’

MARKHOWARD,PH.D.,CLINICALPSYCHOLOGIST,THREEPRINCIPLESINSTITUTE

‘I lovethisbook!WhatMichaelNeillsharessoeloquentlyisat theheartofwhat Richard and I learned, taught, and wrote about throughout our livestogether–atrueunderstandingofmentalhealthandhowtoaccessitquickly

andeffectivelyforabetterlife.’

KRISTINECARLSON,CO-AUTHORWITHRICHARDCARLSONTOTHENEWYORKTIMESBESTSELLINGDON’TSWEATTHESMALLSTUFFBOOKSERIES

‘Oneday,everyschoolwillhaveaclasson teachingchildrenhow to think.MichaelNeill’sbrilliantnewbookTheInside-OutRevolutionwill beboththehandbookthatteachersreadforprepandtheprimerfortheclass.’

ROBERTHOLDENPH.D.,BESTSELLINGAUTHOROFSHIFTHAPPENS!ANDLOVEABILITY

‘Camera,sound,ACTION!Michael’snewbookhasthoughtfulandpractical“rubber-to-the-road”steps toclearyourmindand toactuallystart livingasimpleandmorerelaxedlife.’

ANDREWLITVIN,OSCARANDBAFTAAWARD-WINNINGLINEPRODUCERANDPRODUCEROFGINGER&ROSA

‘InThe Inside-OutRevolution,MichaelNeill has beautifully captured theessenceof the threeuniversalprinciplesat thesourceofhumanexperience.Thisbookwillbeapowerfulchangeagentincreatingamoregentle,loving,creative,productive,andpeacefulworld.’

DR.WILLIAMF.PETTITJR.,FORMERASSOCIATEPROFESSOROFPSYCHIATRY,UNIVERSITYOFWESTVIRGINIA

‘MichaelNeillhastheraregiftofenablingpeopletomaketangiblechangeswithout hardwork or struggle. InThe Inside-OutRevolution,he offers aclear,practicalwayofunderstandinglifetocreateamorepeacefulandfluidwayofliving.’

SHAAWASMUND,FOUNDEROFSMARTA.COMANDNO.1BESTSELLINGAUTHOROFSTOPTALKING,STARTDOING

‘Living from the inside-out isn’t just a revolutionary concept – it’s a truthabout theway lifeworks. If you’ve spent your life looking for answers, getready for amiracle – this book provides the one answer in life that’s beenlookingforyou.Sitback,takeyourtime,andabsorb.’

GARRETKRAMER,AUTHOROFSTILLPOWER:EXCELLENCEWITHEASEINSPORTSANDLIFE

‘Michael Neill’s authentic, conversational style profoundly and simplydescribes a quiet revolution happening in psychology that recognizes thehumanexperienceiscreatedfromtheinsideout.TheInside-OutRevolution

is a great book – excellent, articulate, and an apt harbinger of theparadigmaticshiftthatistocome.’

JOSEPHBAILEY,LICENSEDPSYCHOLOGISTANDINTERNATIONALBESTSELLINGAUTHOROFSLOWINGDOWNTOTHESPEEDOFLIFE,CO-AUTHOREDBYDR.RICHARDCARLSON

‘Icried the first time I readTheInside-OutRevolutionand then I read itagainandmadenotesoneverypage.Ifyouhaveeyestoseeandearstohear,thisbookwillsetyoufree.’

STEVEHARDISON,WWW.THEULTIMATECOACH.COM

‘Michael Neill’s new book elegantly translates his deep, compellingunderstanding of the human condition into an inspirational, high-impactteaching.Thisbookisaninvitationtoexperienceaclaritythatwilltransformyourlifeforever!’

DR.THOMASGARTENMANN,MANAGINGDIRECTOR,MANRESAG-LEADINGTRANSFORMATION,ZURICH-COLOGNE

‘Michaelhasauniquegiftformakingtheimpossiblycomplicatedincrediblysimple–his teaching is likea forceofnaturewithasimplegraceand flowthatpacksincrediblepowerforthosewholet it intotheirlives.TheInside-OutRevolution is not just a new book, it’s a new way of living that willtransform the quality of your life faster, easier, andmuchmore gently thanyouthink.’

ALICAMPBELL,BESTSELLINGAUTHORANDCELEBRITYLIFECOACH

‘MichaelNeillhasdoneitagain–here’sablueprintforatrulywonderfullife,based on a new way of looking, knowing, and being. The Inside-OutRevolution is a brave and compelling perspective, easily understood andimplemented.Gobeyondtechniquesandstrategies,andwatchwhatchangesforyouwhenyouexperiencelifefromtheinsideout.Highlyrecommended.’

CHRISWESTFALL,NATIONALELEVATORPITCHCHAMPION(USA)ANDAUTHOROFTHENEWELEVATORPITCH

‘Rarelydoesabookmakesuchapoeticandexcitingseriesofpromisesandthendeliveronallofthem.Thisonedoes,anditwillchangelives.’

STEVECHANDLER,AUTHOROFTIMEWARRIORAND100WAYSTOMOTIVATEYOURSELF

‘WhenMichaelNeill and I first hada conversationabout theprincipleshe

sharesinthisbook,theyseemedtoosimpletomakeabigdifference.Butthemore I explored them, themore I realized that their very simplicitywas thesourceof theirpower.WhenyoureadTheInside-OutRevolution,Michaelhas that conversation with you. Get ready to discover a place of profoundpeace: your unique source of guidance, life-changing insights, and creativesolutions.Highlyrecommended!’

JAMIESMART,AUTHOROFCLARITY:CLEARMIND,BETTERPERFORMANCE,BIGGERRESULTS

‘Thisisnotabookaboutdoing;itisabookaboutbeing.Anditdoesn’tjusttalkabouttransformation–ittransformsyouasyoureadit.Ifeltthingsthathad been big issues simply become laughable, and found myself growingmorepeaceful,happy,andjoyfulwitheverychapter!’

STEVERROBBINS,CO-FOUNDEROFFTPSOFTWAREANDHOSTOFNO.1ITUNESBUSINESSPODCASTTHEGET-IT-DONEGUY

‘I have used the principles in The Inside-Out Revolution to run twointernational consultancies and have taught them to Generals, CEO’s, andnumerousFortune500companies.MichaelNeill’snewbookintroducestheseprinciples in a wonderfully simple and relevant way while using them toprovide a powerful new foundation for coaching, self-development and thepursuitofhappiness.Allthatandanenjoyablereadaswell.’

AARONTURNER,PH.D.,CO-FOUNDER/SENIORPARTNERTURNERGLEASON

‘Inmyworkinhospitals,Iwitnesspeoplesufferingandinpaineverysingleday.AsIreadTheInside-OutRevolution,Icouldclearlyseehowanendtohumansufferingispossible,notbychangingtheworldbutthroughadeeperunderstandingofourselves.Thisisthefirstandlastbookyouwilleverneedtoreadtounderstandhowtoliveahappy,inspiredlove-filledlife.’

FIONAJACOB,DIRECTOROFNURSING,KINGABDULAZIZMEDICALCITY,RIYADH

‘This book has the power to create miracles in our lives as we come torecognizeour true innermajestyandreleaseour incrediblepower to shapeourworld.’

DAVIDR.HAMILTONPH.D.,AUTHOROFISYOURLIFEMAPPEDOUT?ANDHOWYOURMINDCANHEALYOURBODY

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PublishedanddistributedintheUnitedStatesofAmericaby:HayHouseInc.,POBox5100,Carlsbad,CA92018-5100

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Theinformationgiveninthisbookshouldnotbetreatedasasubstituteforprofessionalmedicaladvice;alwaysconsultamedicalpractitioner.Anyuseofinformationinthisbookisatthereader’sdiscretionandrisk.Neithertheauthorsnorthepublishercanbeheldresponsibleforanyloss,claimordamagearisingoutoftheuse,ormisuse,ofthesuggestionsmade,thefailuretotakemedicaladviceorforany

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ToNina,foreverythingandalways

‘Iftheonlythingpeoplelearnedwasnottobeafraidoftheirexperience,that

alonewouldchangetheworld.’

SYDBANKS

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CONTENTS

ForewordbyDr.GeorgePransky

Introduction:APersonalRevolution

Part1:ShiftingtheFoundations

Chapter1:TheTransformativeConversation

Chapter2:FirstPrinciples

Chapter3:TheOnlyThingYouNeedtoKnow

Part2:ExpandingPossibilities

Chapter4:AFormulaforMiracles

Chapter5:OriginalGrace

Chapter6:TheValueofanEmptyMind

Part3:LivingtheDream

Chapter7:LearningHowtoThrive

Chapter8:TheParadoxofResults

Chapter9:BeyondEmpowerment

Epilogue:TheLifeCoachandtheMightyTree

Resources

Acknowledgments

AbouttheAuthor

JointheHayHouseFamily

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FOREWORD

Thirty years ago, I met a man named Sydney Banks and became the co-founder of a new paradigm in psychology that has since quietly spreadthroughout the world. Up to now this approach, as life-changing as it hasbeen,hasbeenanextremelywell-keptsecret.Inthisnewbook,MichaelNeillbringstheprinciplesbehindthisfieldintothemainstreamsothatpeoplecanlearntotakeadvantageofthisradicalnewunderstandingintheirownlives.Histargetaudience:anybody,nomatterwhattheirwalkinlifeandnomatterhowhappyortroubledtheyarerightnow.It’ssimplya‘good-for-what-ails-you’bookintermsofinternalwell-beingandeffectiveperformance.

Everyone feels limited and constricted by negative feeling statesmore thantheywould like to be.We all visit, and at times seem to live in, unwantedfeelingsofstressanddistressthatcastthedieregardingourenjoymentoflife,our performanceon the job, and thequality of our relationships.Anygoodsalesmanagerwilltellyouthatthenumberoneobstacletosalesperformanceisanongoingfeelingofdiscouragement;anyexperiencedtherapistwillpointout that feelings of hopelessness sap people’s energy, undermine theirjudgment,andlead to thedownwardspiralofdepression. Itshouldresonateas self-evident that chronic negative feeling states restrict the humanpotential.

But the opposite is also true. Everyone experiences times ofmental clarityandwell-being,evenmomentsofoutandoutgenius.Evenintheextremesofmentalillness,everysinglepatienthasmomentsof‘normalcy’independentoftheseverityoftheirdisorder.Atamorepersonallevel,wehaveallcomeupwithinspirationsandsolutionsthatseemtohaveshownupoutofnowheretosavetheday.Attimes,ourchildren’swisdomgoeswaybeyondtheirlevelofeducation and life experience.Andwe consistently see high levels ofwell-being, grace, and hopefulness emerge in times of crisis such as floods andearthquakes,andevenwithpeopleinformedofterminalillnesses.Soitshouldbeequallyobviousthatthehumanpotentialforlifeenjoyment,mentalclarity,creativity, and relationship satisfaction is considerably higher than we aremanifesting in our everyday lives. What that potential is, where it comesfrom,andhowto tap into itare thequestionsMichaelNeillanswers in this

book.

Thecurrentthinkingoffersalaundrylistofexplanationsforwhypeoplefeeland behave the way they do, ranging from genetics and family of originconditioning to childhood trauma, challenging life circumstances, and eventhe weather. Each of these explanations is plagued by exceptions andanomalies, and, perhaps more importantly, none of them significantly helppeople to improve theirhabitualpersonal feeling state,or lead toconsistentimprovementsinbehavior.

Bywayofcontrast, theprinciplesMichaelpresents in thisbookprovideanexplanationofthehumanexperienceandfeelingstatesthatiscomprehensive,has no exceptions, and is extremely useful to nearly everyone who learnsabout them.Youwon’t find theprincipleshe teacheshereanywhereelse inpsychology,themedia,ortheself-helpworld.Infact,theonlypeoplewhoaresharingtheunderstandingthathepresentsheregotitfromthesamesource.Itis simply a newand enlightenedunderstandingofwherehuman experiencecomesfromandhowitcanbechangedforthebetterwithoutanytechniques,strategies,orprescribedbehaviors.

This alone would make this book worth reading, no matter how it wasexpressed,butfortunatelyMichaelisaverygiftedwriter.Hewritesinaveryconversational,personabletone,asifyouweresittinginhislivingroomandlistening tohimshare some ideas and stories.And I encourageyou to readthisbookin thatway.Don’t try toohardtounderstandeverythingfirst timearound.Listentohismessagethewayyoumight listentoapieceofmusic,enjoyingthethemeandlettingitwashoveryou.

I know first-hand that anybodywho grasps the teachings in this bookwillexperienceanimmediateimprovementintheirlevelofwell-being,nomatterhowwellthey’refeelingatpresent.Theywillperformbetterintheirlivesandappreciatethefruitsoftheirlabormorethantheyeverhavebefore.

Nomatterwhereyou’restartingout,allboatsrisewiththetide,andadeeperunderstandingoftheprinciplesinthisbookwillimproveyourlifeacrosstheboard.Youwill thinkwithmoreclarity,bemoreresilient (getoveryourselffasterwhenyou’retroubled),besignificantlymorecreative,andbeimmunefromburnoutonagoforwardbasis.

Irealizethattheseclaimsmightseemlikehyperbole,butinover30yearsofteaching what Michael is sharing here, I have seen these results soconsistently that I am no longer surprised or even impressed. In short, thisbookistherealdeal.

GeorgePransky,Ph.D.LaConner,Washington

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INTRODUCTION:APERSONALREVOLUTION

What if everything you’d ever learned about how reality worked was justwrong?

In2007, I thought Iwasat the topofmygame.Mycoachingpracticewasthriving, Iwaswell respected inmy particular field of applied psychology,my first bookhadbeen abestseller, andmy secondbookwas just about tocome out in America. My wife, Nina, and I were in our twentieth yeartogether and our three kids were everything we could have hoped for andmore.

About the only difficulty I had inmy lifewas thatNina and Iwere in themiddleofanongoingdebateaboutwhetherornotweshouldmovetoanewhouse.Itwascertainlywhatmightbecalleda‘high-qualityproblem,’butthatdidn’tstopmefromcomplainingaboutittoanyonewhowouldlisten.

A friend of mine grew tired of my whining and sent me a copy of TheRelationship Handbook by Dr. George Pransky, which I fully intended toignorecompletely.I’mnotafanofrelationshipbooksatthebestoftimes,asIfindthey’regenerallyfilledwithwonderfuladvicewhichworksgreatifyouhappentobe theauthor.ButIopenedthebooktoreadthefirstchapterandbecamefascinatedbyDr.Pransky’sdescriptionsof‘highmoodtherapy’and‘maintenance-freerelationships.’

BytheendofthedayI’dreadthewholebookandresolvedtobemoreopen-mindedthenexttimesomeonesuggestedIreadsomethingthatmightbegoodforme.

IthoughtnomoreaboutituntilmyfriendaskedhowthingsweregoingwithNina.

Isaid,‘Whatdoyoumean?’

‘Well,howareyougettingon?’

‘Great.Whydoyouask?’

Ittookhimahalf-dozenmorequestionsbeforeIrememberedthatlessthanaweekearlierwe’dbeeninthethickofoneoftheworstargumentswe’dhadinyears.Atthatmoment,Ifeltacoldshiverupthebackofmyspine.SomethinginthatbookhadledtoamnesiaaboutthebiggestproblemI’dthoughtIhad.Tomysurprise,evenafterIrememberedit,Icouldn’tgetworkedupaboutitanymore. Oddly, it seemed to stop being a big problem for Nina as well,without our even talking about it. The house situationwound up resolvingitselfinduecourse,andIwashooked.Ineededtolearnmore.

CURIOUSERANDCURIOUSER

WhenIwentonlinetodosomeresearchaboutthebasisforthebook,Iwasamazedtofindscatteredartifactsofafieldofpsychologythatwasnewtome.Ithadbegunappearingintheliteratureinthelate1970sunderaneclecticsetofnames,rangingfrom‘PsychologyofMind’to‘HealthRealization’to‘TheThreePrinciples.’RichardCarlson,authorofthebestsellingDon’tSweattheSmallStuffseries,hadbeenbyfaritsmostfamouspractitioner,butasfarasIcouldtellhe’ddriftedawayfromthecommunityaroundthetimehe’dstartedtobecomesuccessful.

As I looked into it more deeply, I discovered that the primary influencebehind the fieldwas a Scottishwelder named SydBanks,who had had anenlightenmentexperienceandbeen transformedfromanuneducatedworkerinaCanadianpulpmillintoaworld-renownedguruandteacher.EveryoneIspoke with in the field had a story about howmeeting Syd or reading hisbookshadbeena transformativemoment in their life,and Igrewmoreandmoreintriguedbythefactthatdespitenearly20yearsofstudyingpsychologyandpersonaldevelopment,I’dneverheardofhimorthefieldshe’dinspired.

Tomakemattersevenmoreconfusing,eachpersonIspokewithconfidedthattherewasno‘technique’behindtheirtransformation–yousimplylistenedtoSyd or one of the people trained in his work speak about three simpleprinciples, and at some point a transformation happened and your life wasneverthesameagain.

Thelistofclaimsmadebypractitionersinthefieldbeggaredbelief.Formergang members became positive role models within their communities.Alcoholics kicked their addictionwithout years of struggle or therapy.TwohousingprojectswiththehighestmurderratesinAmericabecamecrimefreewithinthreeyearsoftheresidentsbeingexposedtotheseprinciples.

IspokewithaCEOwhohadtakenhiscompanyfrommillionstobillionsofdollarsinrevenuebyteachingtheinside-outunderstandingtohisworkforceandlettingthenumbers takecareof themselves.Andunlikethe‘experts’ inmostotherfieldsofpsychologyI’dcomeacross,nearlyeveryoneImetwithwashappilymarried,hadgoodrelationshipswiththeirchildren,andwasstillinspiredbytheirworkaftermorethan30yearsinthefield.

Idecided that Ineeded toabandonobjectivityandflewout toasmall townneartheCanadianbordertoexplorethisapproachformyself.

WhatIexperiencedthere turnedmylife insideout,mycareerupside-down,andchanged theway I saw theworld.And it all cameaboutnot throughaspecial technique or magic pill, but simply through participating in a veryparticularkindofconversation.Thatconversationisnowthebasisofallthework I dowithmy clients, and it’s the conversation that you and Iwill behavingtogetheroverthecourseofthisbook.

APREVIEWOFCOMINGATTRACTIONS

Duringourtimetogether,I’llbesharinganewunderstandingthatturnsmostof psychology on its head. By recognizing three fundamental principles atplaybehindeveryhumanexperience,itbecomespossibletotapintoadeeperintelligence behind life that informs our mental health, supplies us withongoingwisdomandguidance, andallowsus tounleash incrediblecreativepower into theworld.We’ll lookatmakinga return to ‘originalgrace,’andexplorehowtheinside-outunderstandingallowsustohandlelife’schallengeswith ease and power, play the game of life full out and fearless, and gobeyondempowermenttofindourplaceinthelargerunfoldingoftheworld.

Sincestumblingacrossthisrevolutionarynewunderstandinginmyownlife,I’ve introduced it to thousands of people around the world and personallycoachedhundredstoshifttheirfoundations,learnhowtothrive,andlivefromthe inside out.My clients and students havemade positive and sometimesdramaticchangesintheirrelationships,finances,mentalandphysicalhealth,and well-being. They’ve become happier, more secure in themselves, andmorecompassionatewithothers.

But many of them have also come face to face with challengingcircumstances.Someofthemhavelosttheirjobs,gonebankrupt,becomeill,and dealtwith family crises that bring tears tomy eyes just thinking aboutthem. Almost without fail, they’ve found deep reserves of resilience andcreativitythathaveallowedthemtohandlethesedifficultcircumstanceswithalevelofeaseandgracetheywouldpreviouslyneverhaveimaginedpossible.

If youwere to talkwith them,you’d find them tobe as different fromoneanother aspeople canbe–male and female,youngandold, richandpoor.But from the time they had the inside-out understanding for themselves,chances are you’d notice two things they all had in common: a twinkle intheireyeandalovelyfeelingintheirpresence.

Somepeopledescribethistransformativeshiftasmovingfromridingarollercoastertofloatinginariver;othersasthegiftofmeetingthemselvesforthefirsttime.‘It’sasifI’vebeenpluggedbackintothemains,’oneclientsaidtome.Byfarthemostcommondescriptionissomevariationonthefeelingofcominghomeafteralongtimeaway.Whileyourexperiencewillbeuniquetoyou,theawakeningofyourinnersparkandafeelingofreconnectionwiththeenergyoflifearepartofthepromiseandpurposeofourtimetogether.

WhilethenatureofabookisthatI’llbedoingmostofthetalking,yourjobisequallyimportant–tolistenwithanopenmind,doyourbest tolookinthedirection I’mpointing,andaboveall to stay in theconversation to theveryend.Infact,theonlywayIknowforsomeonenottogetsomethingofvaluefromthisconversationistodropoutofitbeforethey’veseenwhatthereistoseeontheothersideoftherainbow.

Thereareno techniquesanywhere in thisbook– there’snothing foryou tolearn, remember,practice,ordo. I’msimplygoing topointus towardsomefundamental truths about life andwe’ll seewhatwe can see. Sometimes itmay feel as thoughwe’re getting nowhere, or even going backward.Othertimes new insights will be coming through you so quickly that you maystruggletokeepup.

Butifyoukeepreadingwithanopenmindandahopefulheart,Ipromiseyouthatyourlifewillnotonlychangeforthebetter,itwillalsobegintoimpactthelivesofthosearoundyouinwaysthatyoucanonlynowimagine.

Here’saletterIreceivedfromayoungwomanwhoparticipatedinmyLivingfrom the Inside Out online program at a time when her life circumstancescouldn’thavebeenmuchworse:

‘WhenIfirstlearnedabouttheprinciplesbehindtheinside-outunderstanding,IwaslookingintowaysofhowIcouldgoaboutendingmylife.Withinjustafewshortdays,throughyourteaching,Ihadgainedsomuchclarityandpeace.InspirationcametomeandwhereIthoughtthatIwouldneverexperiencefeelingsofloveeveragain,mywholebeingbecamelove,andvibrant.

Ifindmyselflivinginastateoftranquility,despitesomequitedifficultcircumstances.Ifaceargumentswithgentlenessandgivemyrepliesdirectlyfrommyinnersenseofwell-being.BecauseIamnolongertrappedinmyownthinking,Icanlookinsideotherpeopleandseehowthey’refeeling.It’salmostasifthishasopenedupsomekindofsixthsense.

Iseetheworldwithrenewedsight,notalldayeveryday,butalmost.

Andbestofall,thesesimpleideashaveallowedmetotapintowhoIreallyam,sothatnomatterwhathappensaroundme,Ialwayshavethatsecurityandsenseoffreedom.Itmaywaverattimesbutitalwayscomesback.AndIamapersonwhonolongerlooksintowaysofhowIcanendmylife.’

Whatallowedhertoexperiencethatkindofclarity,peace,andfreedominthemiddle of her worst nightmare is what we’ll be exploring together in thisbook.

Areyoureadytobegin?

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1

THETRANSFORMATIVECONVERSATION

‘Wehavethemostwonderfuljobintheworld.Wefindpeopleinvariousstagesofsleep.Andthenwegettotapthemontheshoulderandbewith

themastheywakeuptothefullmagnificenceoflife.’

SydBanks

Imaginethatamancomestoyouforcoaching.He’sabouttoturn30andhe’sdecided that it’s time to ‘grow up’ and take over the family carpentrybusiness.Hewantsyoutoshareinnovativemarketingtechniques,workwithhimonhowtomakebetterpersonneldecisions,andcoachhimtoincorporatetechnologytobringthebusinessinto‘atleastthenewmillennium.’

But even as you’re speaking together, something’s bothering you about theconversation.He’ssayingalltherightthingsandseemswillingtodoalltheright things, and yet something still feels out of alignment. Following yourintuition,yougobackandreviewtheclientintakeformhefilledoutwhenhefirstcametoyou,andtoyoursurpriseyouseethathisnameisJesusandhe’sfromasmalltownintheGalileanregionofIsraelcalledNazareth.

Here’sthequestion:

Doyoureallywanttoworkwithhimonbecomingmoresuccessfulinhiscarpentrybusiness?

Whatifeveryman,woman,andchildyoumeethastheseedswithinthemtobecomewhotheytrulyare?

Whatifthatincludesyou?

GOINGDEEPER

Whenpeopleaskmetotellthemmoreaboutthetransformativeconversation,Itendtoexplainitlikethis:

‘It’sameaningfulconversationaboutthenatureofthehumanexperience.’

Whenwelooktothe‘nature’ofsomething,we’relookingtoseeitnotasitappears throughourowneyesbutas it isbeforebeingseen.Or, toput it inconsiderably simpler terms,we’re looking to see the truthof it, evenaswerecognize the inevitabilityofdistorting that truth themomentweattempt todescribe it in words. And the deeper we look in the direction of the truthbehindthehumanexperience,themorewe’relikelytosee.

We seem to have an innate desire to know ourselves at deeper and deeperlevels. Formost of us, this journey beginswith an exploration of our ownindividualpsychology.Thiskindofself-analysiscanrevealanextraordinaryamount of data and distinctions, as we discover we’re introverted orextroverted,havehighor lowself-esteem,andaremoreor lesshonestwithourselvesthanwe’dhopedorfeared.

But self-awareness can quickly turn to self-consciousness, as each newobservationiscoupledwithajudgmentandanattempttofixour‘faults’andimprove our ‘virtues.’ Before long, we become hopelessly entangled in astruggleagainstourownpsyche,spendingcountlesshoursandendlessefforttryingto‘becomethepersonwethinkweoughttobe.’

Bywayofcontrast,whenwe lookaway fromourownuniquepeccadilloesand consider the nature of the human experience, we discover a veryinterestingthing:thatmostofwhatwethoughtwaswrongwithusissimplyapartofthehumancondition.

Everybodyhasmoods.Everybodydoes things thatseemlikeagoodideaatthe time and then regrets them later. Everybody fails at some things andsucceeds at others, and the ratio is usually more a function of what theychoosetoattemptthananypersonalgeniusorlackofpotential.

Whenwestopasking,‘What’strueaboutme?’andbeginasking,‘What’strueabout human beings in general?’ we discover things about our incrediblecapacityforresilience,creativityandhope.Peopleareamazing–afactthat’smuch easier to see when we aren’t looking at ‘them’ in some kind of

judgmentalcomparisonwith‘us.’

Thehumanexperienceisthatwhichistrueforallhumanbeings.So,whenIspeakwithpeople,webeginbyhavingaconversationaboutsomeaspectoftheirlife–money,career,performance,relationships,etc.–anditinevitablyevolvesintoaconversationaboutthenatureoflifeingeneral.Andasaresultofthatconversation,theirlivestransform.

NowIknowthatsoundslikeabigpromisetomake,butI’veseenithappensomany times that I no longer shy away from saying it.When people seesomethingfundamentalaboutthenatureoftheirexperience,theirrelationshipto thatexperienceshifts.Andasa resultof thatshift, lifebegins tochange,seeminglywithouteffort–allbyitself.

ELEMENTSOFTRANSFORMATION

There are two elements that always seem to be present in any genuinelytransformativeconversation.ThefirstiswhatIwouldcall‘adeeperfeeling.’Describingwhatexactlythisislikehasbeenboththeinspirationandbaneofevery spiritual teacher throughout the ages. I imagine it’s like trying todescribeasunsettoablindperson–youcanbeaccuratedowntothetiniestdetail,butnomatterhowcloseyouget,it’sstillamillionmilesawayfromthereal thing.Over the years, I’ve heard theworld of deeper feeling inside uscalledeverythingfrom‘theunconditionedmind’to‘nirvana’to‘innatementalhealth’ and ‘innatewell-being.’ I call it ‘the spacewheremiracles happen.’AndI’vediscoveredthat,likemanythingsworthhaving,itseemstorunawaythemomentyoubeginchasingit.

It’s not that it really goes anywhere; it’s just thatwhen the thoughts in ourhead get revved up, they seem so much more important and real thansomethingas‘trivial’asadeeperfeeling.ThishasbeentrueinmyownlifetothepointwhereattimesI’vechalkedallmyexperiencesofthatdeeperfeelingup to imagination and self-delusion. Yet themoment I drop back into it, Iknow the exact opposite to be true.My thoughts are clearly the impostors,creating the illusion of reality all around me while the truth is right hereinside.

In the transformative conversation, we slow things down enough to noticethatthisworldofdeeperfeelingisalwaysavailabletous.Itbecomesbothourcompanion and our guide, keeping us warm in the midst of coldcircumstances,lendingfiretoourowninspiration,andlettingusknowwhenwe’reonorofftrackbyitspresenceorabsence.

Thesecondthingthatall trulytransformativeconversationsseemtohaveincommonisthatinsteadoflookingatthedetailsofourlifetomakesenseofour experience, they direct us inward toward the source and nature of thatexperience.

Bywayofexample,Ihadaconversationwithaclientrecentlywhowasgoingthroughadifficultdivorce.When I askedherhow itwasallunfolding, shesaid that despite a delay in the proceedings, things had been ‘very up anddown.’

Ithenaskedherwhatshemadeofthefactthatherexperiencewasfluctuatingmuchmorequicklythanhercircumstanceswerechanging.

This led us into a beautiful exploration of how experience always followsthought,regardlessofwhat’sgoingonaroundus.Shegotquietand,asalmostinevitably happens, shewas struck by an insight that left her feelingmuchstrongerandmorecapablethanbefore.Sheexpressedhergratitudeforallthethingsinherlifethatwerestillwonderful,includingherrelationshipswithherchildrenandher relativestateofwell-beingconsideringeverythingshewasgoingthrough.

Becauseshewasable tosee thatherexperiencewasbeingcreatedfromtheinsideout,shewaslessfrightenedofwhatmighthappennext–whichgaveherimmediateaccesstotheresourcesandcommonsenseweallhavetoguideuswhenwe’reonourgame.

Will she lose her bearings again and havemore ‘up and down’weeks?Ofcourseshewill.Buteachtimeithappensitwillbeeasierforhertoseethatallthat’sgoingonissomeinsecurethinking,andthatthemomentitpasses,whattodo–ifthere’sanythingtobedone–willonceagainbecomeclear.

Andthisisthegiftofadeeperunderstanding:itfreesusfromhavingtotrytocontrolourexperience,avoidanythingwedon’twanttohavehappenorneverfeeldownagain.Withthatfreedomcomessomuchenergyandlightnessthatwereconnecttotheworldofdeeperfeeling.Andlifeonceagainfeelslikethegiftitwasalwaysmeanttobe.

DANCINGBETWEENTHESPIRITUALANDTHEMATERIAL

AtthephysicistDavidBohm’sfuneral,oneofhisfavoritepassagesfromhisownworkwasreadaloud:

Thefieldofthefiniteisallthatwecansee,hear,touch,remember,anddescribe.Thisfieldisbasicallythatwhichismanifest,ortangible.

Theessentialqualityoftheinfinite,bycontrast,isitssubtlety,itsintangibility.Thisqualityisconveyedintheword‘spirit,’whoserootmeaningis‘windorbreath.’Thissuggestsaninvisiblebutpervasiveenergy,towhichthemanifestworldofthefiniteresponds.

Thisenergy,orspirit,infusesalllivingthings,andwithoutitanyorganismmustfallapartintoitsconstituentelements.Thatwhichistrulyaliveinlivingsystemsisthisenergyofspirit,andthisisneverbornandneverdies.

Inotherwords,weliveinaworldofspirit(theinfinite)mademanifest inaworldofform(thefinite).Whichmeansthateverythingismadeofspiritandnothing(literally‘nothing’)istheessenceofspirit.

In the same way, the transformative conversation is, by nature, bothpsychologicalandspiritual.Afterall,ifwe’retolookmoredeeplyintowhatitistobealive,aware,andcreative,wemustconsiderboththeworkingsofthehumanmindandthelargercontextinwhichweashumanbeingsfunction.

The French Jesuit Teilhard de Chardin famously said, ‘We are not humanbeingshavingaspiritualexperience–wearespiritualbeingshavingahumanexperience.’Andifthisistrue,weignoreeitherofthosefactsatourperil.

People who attempt to live purely in the material world and ignore thespiritual tend, inmy experience, to ride the roller coaster of life’s ups anddownsandarriveattheendoftheridefeeling–accurately–thattheyhaven’tactuallygottenanywhereandwonderingwhythosespiritualpeopleseemsocalmandpeaceful.

Peoplewhoemphasizethespiritualworldatthecostofthematerialtend,inmyexperience, to fluctuatebetweenmomentsofpurebliss/awe/wonderandmomentsof frustration,wonderingwhy, if they’resospiritual,God/Life/the

Universe has forsaken them to a life of poverty and struggle while thosematerialpeoplegettohaveallthenicestuff.

Toattempt tochoosebetween thespiritualand thematerial is like trying tochoosebetween twocars,onewithoutanengineandonewithoutasteeringwheel–youwon’tbearrivinganywhereworthwhileineitherofthem.

This isn’t to say we need to attempt to balance the two – worship on theweekendsandworkintheweekismoreofaculturalnormthanalifestrategy.But when we begin to see how the two worlds are really one, it becomespossibletoexperiencethebestofboth.

Theupside of a focus on the spiritual is a deeper sense of connectionwithourselves,withothers,andwithlifeitself.Theworldofdeeperfeelingsthatwebegintoinhabit–feelingslikegratitude,love,humility,wonder,andawe–isitsownreward.

Theupsideofa focuson thematerial isa lifeofgreatercomfort,ease,andpossibility.Moneymaynotbeabletobuyhappinessorlove,butit’sthebesttoolIknowforfeedingchildren,buildingnewhomes,buyingplaneticketstoa tropical island, and having a romantic dinner for two on the beach onceyou’rethere.

Thedifficultycomesifwestarttotreattheformlessworldofspiritasifit’ssubject to thesamerulesas theworldofform.Mostofusarefamiliarwithwhat happens when we’re consumed with the pursuit of success in thematerial world. Stress and pressure become our constant companions, andmoreissomehownotonlybetterbutalsoneverenough.Ifwewinthegame,ourex-husbands,wives,andchildrenget toreadourepitaphinthemorningheadlines:

‘Hereliesthefastestrunneronthetreadmill.’

Ifweapproachtheworldofspiritinthesameway,wesetourselvesupforyetanother lifetime of struggle. We strive for ‘spiritual success,’ settingenlightenmentorunionwith thedivineasourgoalanddetermining thatwewillout-meditate,out-pray,andoutlastourfellowseekersuntilwegetvoted‘mostlikelytositattherighthandofGod’inourhigh-schoolyearbooks.

Inbothcases,ourendlesspursuitof‘not this’ isdrivenbyourdeepestfear:that there’s somethingwrongwith us andwe’re not enough. That untilweachieve sufficient levels of spiritual wealth, material success, or both, wewon’tbeworthyoflove.Andthatwithoutsomethingtangibletoshowforit,

we’llhavewastedourlife.

Ironically, what we’re seeking is all around us all the time. Right whereyou’resittingnowistheinfinitewholemademanifestinthedivinespecific.Youcouldno soonerbe ‘not enough’ than a tree couldbe thewrongcolor.Andyoudon’thave tobecomeworthyof love,because love iswhatyou’remadeof.

Whenweseethattruth,orindeedanytruthaboutthehumancondition,itcanset us free. There aremillions of theories out there, and I’ve added a fewdozenofmyowntothelistovertheyears.But,asSydBanksusedtosay:

‘Youonlyneedtoseeonespiritualfactanditwillchangeyourlifeforever.’

PUTTINGITALLTOGETHER

In the next chapter I’m going to be sharing three spiritual facts – three‘principles,’ or foundational elements, of the human experience.But beforewe move forward, here are a few of the key insights from this chapter toreflectupon:

Wecannotevenbegintoguessatthefullscopeofthehumanpotential,includingourown.

Whatistrulytransformativeisseeingwhat’sstillthereevenwhenwe’renotlooking.

Thereisaworldofdeeperfeelingwhichisalwaysavailabletous.

Ifwearetrulyspiritualbeingshavingahumanexperience,weignoreeitherofthosefactsatourperil.

Wedon’thavetobecomeworthyoflove,becauseloveiswhatwe’remadeof.

Youonlyneedtoseeonespiritualfacttochangeyourlifeforever.

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FIRSTPRINCIPLES

‘Ineverysystematicinquiry(methodos)wheretherearefirstprinciples,orcauses,orelements,knowledgeandscienceresultfromacquiring

knowledgeofthese…Itisclear,then,thatinthescienceofnatureaselsewhere,weshouldtryfirsttodeterminequestionsaboutthefirst

principles.’

Aristotle

There are usually only a few basic principles that form the basis for ourunderstanding of anything in life.Whenwe get really clear on what thoseprinciplesare,we’vegot thekey tounlocking themysteryofwhatever thatthingis.Andoncewe’veunlockedthosemysteries,theyceasetobemysteries–theinquiryopensdoorsthatneverbecomeclosedtousagain.

One of the fundamental principles in geometry is what’s called the ‘point-line-plane postulate.’ There’s no such thing in nature as a point, but if weaccept the idea of a point as a first principle, we can then put an infinitesequenceofpointstogetherandgetaline.Andifweenvisionaseriesoflinesgoingineverydirectioninasingledimension(likeanendlesspieceofpaper),wegetaplane.

By asserting these three fundamental principles and then building on them,everything else in geometry and design becomes possible, from creatingshapestodesigningbuildings.

Orthinkaboutanotherkindofplane–thekindthatfliesoverourheadalldaylong.Untilabout100yearsago,flightseemedimpossibletomostscientists,even though itwas happening all around them in nature. Then a couple ofbrotherswho ran a bike shop figured out away to take some fundamentalprinciples– likegravity, lift, thrust,anddrag–andcombine theminanewwaytoenablesomethingheavytobehaveasifitwerelighterthanair.

Sotheword‘principle,’asI’llbeusingitinourconversationtogether,refersto thebasicor essentialqualityor elementof something thatdetermines itsintrinsicnatureorcharacteristicbehavior.

In thefieldofchemistry,117distinctelementshavebeendiscovered that invariouscompoundsformthesubstanceofevery‘thing’ontheplanet.Inart,thethreeprimarycolorsmakeupeveryothercolorinthespectrum.

WhenSydBanksbegantalkingabouthisinsightsintothehumanexperience,hearticulatedtheiressenceintheformofthreeuniversalprinciples,whichhecalledMind,Consciousness,andThought.Whilethosewordsmeandifferentthingstodifferentpeople,theprinciplestheypointtohavebeenobservedandstudiedinscience,philosophy,andreligionthroughouttheages.I’vecometothink of them as the basic facts of life – formless, foundational elementswhichcanbeobservedonlythroughtheireffects:

Thereisanenergyandintelligencebehindlife.Thisiseverpresentbutisnot‘incontrol’–ithasnoinherentmoralityorapparentpointofview.Itsimplyensuresthatbutfortheinterferenceofexternalcircumstance,acornsbecomeoaktrees,cutsheal,andlifebegetslife.(ThePrincipleofMind)

Thecapacitytobeawareandexperiencelifeisinnateinhumanbeings.Itisauniversalphenomenon.Ourlevelofawarenessinanygivenmomentdeterminesthequalityofourexperience.(ThePrincipleofConsciousness)

Wecreateourindividualexperienceofrealityviathevehicleofthought.Thoughtisthemissinglinkbetweentheformlessworldofpurepotentialityandthecreatedworldofform.(ThePrincipleofThought)

Let’stakeadeeperlookateachoftheseprinciplesinturn…

THEGODPRINCIPLE:MIND

YouknowtheEasternphilosopherssay:‘BigMind,littlemind.’Andhere’stheparadox:thelittlemindistheegomind,that’stheself-centred‘me,’thebighotshot–theonlythingintheworldworthlookingatinthemirroris‘me.’

ThebigMindistheDivineMind–theUniversalMind,whichistheintelligenceofliterallyallthingsinthisworldoranyotherworld.That’stheMindyoushouldbelookingfor.That’stheMindthathasthepowertoguideyouthroughlife.

SYDBANKS

This always sounds like the set-up to a joke, even tome, but I once had aconversation about the principle of Mind with a Catholic, a Jehovah’sWitness,andanatheist.Theywereeachsharing theirviewofGod,andnotunexpectedlytheconversationbecamesomewhatheated.

Theatheist turned tomeand said, ‘Whatdoyou think,Michael?’nodoubtcountingonmyrationalmindtocometohisaidintheargument.

Ireflectedforamoment,andsaid,‘Iknowtwothingsforsure:Iseemtobepart of a largerwhole, and I’m not in charge of how things unfold. If youwant to call that largerwholeorgreatunfolding“life”or “theuniverse”or“spirit,”I’mokaywiththat.Ifyouwanttocallit“God,”I’mokaywiththattoo.’

To my slight surprise, all three of them were comfortable with thatexplanation, but as I reflected on it somemore, I realized that itwasn’t sosurprising.Afterall,howeverweexplainit,mostofusrealizethatwe’renotrunningtheshow.

Inmysticalcircles,thisenergybehindlifeisoftenreferredtoasthe‘Groundof Being’; in physics, it’s sometimes referred to as the ‘quantum field’; inreligion, it’sGod, ormore specifically theGodhead.While to equate thesethingsmayseemheretical insometraditions(includingatheism),Imeannooffenseby it – I’msimplypointing to the fact thatnearly all traditions andfields of study point to something that’s beyond our personal human-sizedviewoflife.

Iliketothinkofitasinfinitecreativepotential–thepotentialforanyformtoarise(includingthought-forms)andforanyexperiencetobeexperienced.

InTheGodDelusion,RichardDawkinsquotesAlbertEinstein:

‘Tosensethatbehindanythingthatcanbeexperiencedthereisasomethingthatourmindcannotgraspandwhosebeautyandsublimityreachesusonlyindirectlyandasafeeblereflection,thisisreligiousness.Inthissense,Iamreligious.’

Dawkinsthengoesontosaythatinthissensehetooisreligious.AndinthissenseIthinkanyonewhohasevercontemplatedthemiracleoflifewouldcallthemselvesreligious,nomatterwhattheirviewonasupernaturaldeity.

Inmyexperience,whenyoubegintolookbeyondyourpersonalmindtotheimpersonal ‘bigMind,’ you find somethingprofoundwaiting for you there.But Iwas stillquite coyabout speakingopenlyabout thisgateway to spirituntil I attended a talk given by the brilliant Principles-based psychiatristWilliamPettit.Hewas asked about howhe introduced the idea of a divineMindtothesoldiershewastreatinginIraqandotherpartsoftheMiddleEastforpost-traumatic stressdisorder.His answer stuckwithme, as I suspect itwillwithyou:

‘I’venevermetamanwho’sheldanotherman’sheadinthescopeofhisriflewhohasn’talreadyspentagreatdealoftimecontemplatingwhatlifeisandwhereitcomesfrom.’

InfactI’veyettomeetanyonewhohasn’tatleastsomeawarenessofapartofthemselvesthatexistsbeyondwhateverpersonaltrialsandtribulationsweallface.Andthemoretimewespendconnectedwiththatpartofourselves,themorebeautifulourlife,andtheimpactofthatlife,becomes.

THEAWARENESSPRINCIPLE:CONSCIOUSNESS

Consciousnessgivesustheabilitytorealizetheexistenceoflife.Consciousnesshasaninfinitenumberoflevels;youwillnevercometotheendofConsciousness.Itisliterallyimpossible,becauseConsciousnessisinfinite–thereisnoendtoit.Andthat’sabeautifulthingtoknow,becauseitmeanstosaythereisnoendofyoufindingbeauty,loveandunderstandinginthisworld.

SYDBANKS

Consciousness is like a kind of developing fluid for mental photographs,bringingwhateverpassesthroughitsfieldtolife.It’sthelightthatilluminatesafilmstrip–thespecial-effectsdepartmentthattakestheillusionandmakesitseemreal.Itinformsoursensesandbringswhateverwe’rethinkingtolife.

While pure Consciousness is a formless potential, as individuals we allexperience life at different levels. It’s like being in a glass elevator – theworldlooksdifferentdependingonwhatfloorwe’reon.Andtheelevatorofourpersonalconsciousnessgoesupanddownallday long.Whenour levelchanges,ourviewchangesrightalongwithit:thehigherourlevel,theclearerourview.

WhatIfindsohopefulinthismetaphoristhatit’spossibleforanyoneofustomakea‘vertical leap’ inconsciousnessatany time.Eachnewinsightwehaveintothenatureofthehumanconditionopensupahigherperspective,adeeperunderstanding,andaclearerviewofwhat’s reallygoingon. It’s likemaking themove froman elevator that runsbetween the fifth and fifteenthfloorsofabuilding toone thatwill takeusup to the twentieth floor.Whilewe’llmost assuredly continue to experience the ups and downs of life, ouraccess to commonsense,wisdom,andwell-beinggrowsexponentiallywitheachleap.

Thesimplestwaytogaugeyourcurrentlevelofconsciousnessistotuneintoyour feelings. When you’re feeling low (angry, frustrated, stressed out,uncomfortable,unwell,etc.),chancesarethatyourlevelofconsciousnesshasdipped and your view of yourself, your life, and the world is relativelylimited.Whenyourmoodishigherandyou’refeelingpeaceful, loving,andcontent, chances are that the elevator of consciousness has begun to climb,and from these higher levels you’ll naturally be able to respond more

insightfullytowhateverishappeningaroundyou.

Nowthis isn’t tosaythat ifyou’refeelinghappyandpeaceful todayyou’reautomaticallyinthesamestateofconsciousnessastheBuddha.Butthemoreyou look in the direction ofwhat’s creating experience and away from thecontentof thatexperience, theeasier it is tohear thequietwisdomthatcanleadtoaquantumleapinconsciousness.

THECREATIVEPRINCIPLE:THOUGHT

Remember–andthisisveryimportant–you’reonlyonethoughtawayfromhappiness,you’reonlyonethoughtawayfromsadness.ThesecretliesinThought.It’sthemissinglinkthateverybodyinthisworldislookingfor…It’sagiftthatweweregiventohavethefreedomtowalkthroughlifeandseewhatwewanttosee.Howmuchbetterthanthatcanyouget?Thatyouhavethefreedomtowalkthroughlifeandseeasafreethinker,thatisthegreatestgiftever,tobeafreethinker.

SYDBANKS

When I first heard practitioners of the Three Principles talk about theprincipleofThoughtinsemi-rapturoustones,Ithoughtthatatbesttheywerea bit simple and at worst a bit brainwashed. After all, I already knew thatpeople thought. It hardly seemed worth mentioning, let alone waxingrhapsodicabout.

Butthenoneofmymentorspointedoutthenatureofwhathecalled‘ordinarymiracles’– those things thaton theonehandare trulyextraordinaryandonthe other happen so consistently thatwe take them completely for granted.Things like the sunappearing in the skyandnotonly lightingourdaysbutalsowarmingandnourishinglifeonourplanet.OrgravitykeepingusfixedtotheEarthwhen every other lawof physicswould have us hurtling out intospace.

Thoughtisallaroundus,whichinsomewaysmakesitlargelyinvisibletous.Withoutthought,therewouldbenodelineationinourworld–noperception,nodistinction,andnovarietyofexperience.It’sbothcreatorandsubstanceofourbeliefsandvalues;it’stherawmaterialofourhopesanddreams.

WhilemostofusareawareofThoughtat the levelofwhatwe thinkaboutlife, we tend to be unaware of how much of life itself is created andmaintainedbyThought.Muchofwhatappearstobesolidandrealisactuallypartoftheillusionofourpersonalthinking.

Tobetterunderstandthisidea,consideraniceberg.Icebergsappearsolid,butthey’re actuallymade up of thewater that surrounds them. In theworld ofform, this means that a tiny degree of fluctuation in temperature cancompletelyeliminate icebergs thathavebeen inplace forhundredsofyearsand create new ones seemingly out of nowhere. In the inner world of the

formless, itmeans that nomatter how solid the foundations of your realitymayseem,itonlytakesaslightshiftinconsciousnessforyourentireworldtochange.

Tome,thisisoneofthemostexcitingthingsaboutThought.It’sattheheartofeverythingweexperience,frommonsterstoangelsandfromproblemstopossibilities.Andsincewehaveaninfinitepotentialfornewthought,we’reonly ever onenew thought away froma completely different experience ofbeingalive.

PUTTINGITALLTOGETHER

I’llletSydBanksfinishthissectionwithasummaryofhowtheseprinciplesfittogether:

WhatareMind,Consciousness,andThought?

Mindistheintelligenceofallthings;Consciousnessmakesyouaware;andThoughtisliketherudderofaship.Itguidesyouthroughlife,andifyoulearntousethatrudderproperly,youcanguideyourwaythroughlifefarbetterthanyoueverimagined.Youcangofromonerealitytoanother.Youcanfindyourhappinessandwhenillusionarysadnesscomesfrommemories,youdon’ttrytofigureitout.Pleasedon’ttrytodothat–you’llgetyourselfintrouble.Allyouhavetodoisrealizethatit’sThought.

Thesecondyourealizethatit’sThought,youaretouchingtheveryessenceofpsychologicalexperience.You’rebacktothe‘now,’you’rebacktohappiness.Sodon’tgetcaughtuponalotofdetails…

Whenyou’reready,youwillfindwhatyou’relookingfor.Idon’tcarewhoyouare.Idon’tcarewhereyouare.Ifyou’reinthemiddleoftheSaharaDesert…andit’stimeforyoutofindtheanswer,therightpersonwillappearinthemiddleofthedesertandletyouknow.Hewillsaysomethingtoyouthatwilltriggersomethinginsideyou.

Andthat’swherethatlifecomesfrom:insideout.It’sspiritualknowledge.It’sthere,everybodyhasitandpeopledon’trealizethat.There’snohumanbeingmorespiritualthanyou–everybodyisequal.

Andyouknowwhattheequalityis?

ThatweallderivefromMind,Consciousness,andThought.

That’stheequalizer.Andwhileyouhavethatequalizeryou’reasgoodasanybodyonthisEarth,you’reasholyasanybodyelseonthisEarth.Youalwayshavebeen,alwayswillbe;theonlythingisyoudon’tseeitbecauseofyourthoughts.

Inthenextchapterwe’lltakealookattherevolutionaryimplicationsofthesethreeprinciplesforthewayweexperienceourlives.Butfirst,hereareafewthoughtstoreflecton:

Aprincipleissomethingthat’sfundamental–trueforallpeopleatalltimes,withnoexceptions.

Ourexperienceoflifecanbeunderstoodviathreefundamentalprinciples:Mind,Consciousness,andThought.

Toputitanotherway,everythingweexperienceinlifeisafunctionofthreespiritualfacts:wearealive,weareaware,andwethink.

We’reonlyeveronenewthoughtawayfromacompletelydifferentexperienceofbeingalive.

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THEONLYTHINGYOUNEEDTOKNOW

‘Amanwillbeimprisonedinaroomwithadoorthat’sunlockedandopensinwardsaslongasitdoesnotoccurtohimtopullratherthanpush.’

LudwigWittgenstein

WhenIfirstbegansharingtheThreePrincipleswithmyclients,Inoticedthatwewouldreachacertainbreakthroughpointinourworktogetherafterwhichnothingwasever thesameagain.Theclientsmayhavebeensuccessfulandeven relatively happy before that point, but after it, the very basis of theirlivessomehowshifted.

Clientsdescribedtheirexperienceofthistransformativemomentinavarietyof ways, from ‘So that’s what you’ve been talking about all this time’ to‘Nothing’schanged,buteverything’sdifferent’to‘Thebutterflyhaslanded.’

WhatIwasn’tclearaboutforawhilewaswhatexactlyhadhappenedatthatpoint. I was certainly aware that they’d all had a deeper insight intosomething;Ijustwasn’tsurewhatthatsomethingwas.

WhenIbeganaskingotherPrinciples-basedpractitionersiftheysawthesame‘breakthroughinsight’intheirwork,theyuniversallyknewwhatIwastalkingabout.Theconsensuswas that the real ‘gamechanger’withpeoplewas themomenttheyhadadeeperinsightintotheinside-outnatureofreality.

Theprevailingmodel inour culture is thatour experienceof life is createdfromtheoutsidein–thatis,whathappenstousontheoutsidedeterminesourexperience on the inside. People or circumstances ‘make’ us happy, angry,sad, fearful, or loving, and the game of life is to find, attract, create, ormanifesttherightpeopleandcircumstancesinordertohavemoreofthegoodfeelingsandfewerofthebadones.

Onevariationonthismodel(whichIcall‘empoweredoutsidein’)arguesthatit’snotsomuchwhathappenstousaswhatwedowithwhathappenstousthatdeterminesourexperience. Ifwe rise to thechallenge,wecango fromreacting as victims of the events of life to responding as creators, makinglemonadeoutoflemonsandcreatingtherelationshipsandcircumstancesthatwillbringushappinessandfulfillment.

A second variation (which I call ‘enlightened outside in’) says that whilepeople and circumstances certainly matter, what’s even more important iswhat we think about those people and circumstances. Everything fromCognitive and Rational-Emotive therapy to the majority of the self-helpmovement points out that if you can replace a negative thought, belief, orattitude towardpeople and circumstanceswith apositiveone, not onlywillyour experience change immediately, but before long the people andcircumstanceswilllikelychangeaswell–andeveniftheydon’t,atleastyourpositive thoughts and attitudes will allow you to make the best of a badsituation.

Whilebothof thesevariationscertainlypromotegreatereffectiveness in theworkplaceandamoreenjoyableexperienceofbeingalive,they’relimitedinthe scope of their impact not by the lack of discipline or skill of thepractitioners,butratherbecausethey’rerootedinafundamentallyinaccuratemodel.

Bywayofexplanation,imaginethefollowingscenario:

You’reinanartstudiofilledwithpaintersstandingattheireasels.Althoughyoucan’tseeitfromwhereyou’restanding,they’realllookinginthedirectionofasmallplatforminthecenteroftheroomandpaintingwhattheysee.

Asyouwalkaroundthestudio,younoticesmallandsometimesvastdiscrepanciesbetweenwhatpeoplearepaintingontheircanvases.Argumentsbreakoutinpartsoftheroomastowhetherornotthemodelforthepaintingismoreonecolorthananother,tallerorshorter,uglierormorebeautifulthanrendered.

Youbegintobecomecuriousaboutwhatitisthateveryone’spainting,soyoumakeyourwaytothecenteroftheroomanddiscovertoyoursurprisethatthere’sabsolutelynothingthere.Theemptinessofthecenterispalpable.

Suddenly,yourealizethereasonwhyeveryone’spaintingadifferent

pictureisn’tdowntotheirpointofview,wheretheireaselhappenstobeplaced,oreventoamatterofpersonalinterpretation.It’sbecausewhattheyare‘viewing’isonlyaprojectionoftheirownthoughts.

Themomentyoucatchevenaglimpseoftheillusorynatureoftheworldofform, the game of life changes completely and irrevocably.Nomatter howscary or oppressive or insecure your experience of life may be, once yourealizethatit’sonlyyourownthinkingthatyou’reexperiencing,thatthinkinglosesmuchof its holdoveryou.Youmay still feel uncomfortable feelings,butbecauseyouknowthatwhat’scausingthemisn’toutsideyou,youdon’tfeelcompelledtochangetheworldinordertochangethewayyoufeel,anymore than you would go to your television set to try to convince thecharactersonyourfavoritesoapoperatochangetheirfoolishways.

WhatSydBankssawwhenhehadhisenlightenmentexperiencewasthatweliveinaworldofthought.Notaworldinfluencedbythought,wherepositiveoutperforms negative and gives us a ‘competitive advantage in themarketplace,’ but a world that is actually created from thought. And themomentwestopfightingwithourselvesandothersaboutwhat to thinkandinsteadfocusonthemiraclethatwearethinking,thedetailsoflifebegintoworkthemselvesout,allbythemselves.

Thesimpletruthisthis:

OurexperienceoflifeiscreatedfromtheinsideoutviatheprinciplesofMind,Consciousness,andThought.We’relivinginthefeelingofour

thinking,notthefeelingoftheworld.

We’resimplynotdesignedtoexperienceanoutsideworldinanyotherway.Wecan’tsee,hear,orfeelwithoutthoughtinformingoursenses,andwehaveno way of checking whether or not our thoughts are telling us aboutsomething that’s really happening or simply projecting false datawhichwethen interpret as true. That’s why one moment we can be sure thateverything’sgoingtobefineandthenextwecanbeequallysurethatitisn’t–withoutanythingactuallychangingintheworld.

Thisinabilitytoverifyourobservationsdoesn’tmeanthattheworlddoesn’texist – just that its impact on our experience of life has been vastlyexaggerated.

HOWREALISOURREALITY?

Tobetterunderstandtheinside-outparadigm,let’sstepintotheglasselevatorofconsciousnessandseehowtheworldchangeswhenviewedfromdifferentlevelsofunderstanding.

GroundFloor:ObjectiveReality

‘WhatIseeiswhat’sreallyhappening.I’mexperiencingtheworldasitis.’

Atthebottomoftheelevator,theworldofformlooks100percentrealtous.We think of themind as being like a camerawhich is accurately recordingwhat’s going on outside us, and everything it tells us about that objectivereality is taken as the absolute truth: our boss really is a jerk,we truly arebeingtakenadvantageof,andlifeactuallyiseasierforeveryoneelsethanitisforus.Ifwewanttochangeourexperience,theonlywaytodoitistochangetheworld.

Whilewe all have certain perceptions thatwe’re convinced are completelyand objectively true, people who get stuck down in the basement ofconsciousnessoftenenduponthestreets,inmentalinstitutions,orinprisons.Thishappens inall innocence,as it’sunderstandablydifficult to function insocietywhenyoucan’ttellthedifferencebetweenathoughtandreality.

LowerFloors:SubjectiveReality

‘WhatIseeisaninterpretationofreality.I’mexperiencingtheworldthroughthefilterofmythinking.’

As our level of understanding increases and the elevator rises,we begin toexperienceaslightseparationbetweenourpersonalthinkingandtheideaofanobjectivereality.Whilethemindstillappearstofunctionasacamera,wecanseethathowweframethepictureandwhatfilterorlenswelookthroughwillaffectthewaythingsappeartous.Thisistheworldofsubjectivereality,and it’s the level at which many psychologies and self-help philosophiessuggestwemakeourstand.

At this level of understanding, it seems that what happens in the worldinfluencesus,butitsimpactcanbemitigatedbychangingorcontrollingourthoughts.So,ifwewanttofeelbetter,wetrytochangeourbeliefs,reframeourcircumstances,andbecomemoremindfulinwaysthatlessentheimpactof stressful, frightening, or otherwise difficult situations and heighten theimpactofpositiveones.

Thereasonthisisstillavariantontheoutside-inmodelisthatstress,fear,anddifficultyareperceived tobeprimarycharacteristicsof thesituation, not ofourownthinking.Andherewecandrawasimplelineinthesand:

AnytimeaninternalexperienceisconsideredtobeaninherentpropertyofsomethingotherthanMind,Consciousness,andThoughtinthemoment,

we’relivinginanoutside-ininterpretationoftheworld.

HigherFloors:ConstructedReality

‘WhatIseeisallmadeup.TheworldiswhatIthinkitis.’

Aswedeepenourunderstandingandmoveupinconsciousness,webegintoseethatthenatureofthoughtisbothcreativeandarbitrary.Insteadoftryingtoexplainwhywethinkwhatwethinkbylookingforevidenceintheworldor in our upbringing,we recognize themind is not somuch a camera as apaintbrushand,consciouslyorunconsciously,wearetheartist.

Atthislevelofunderstanding,werecognizethat:

Wedon’texperiencemoney;weexperienceourthinkingaboutmoney.

Wedon’texperienceourchildren,parents,orpartners;weexperienceourthinkingaboutourchildren,parents,andpartners.

Wedon’texperiencetheworld;weexperienceourthinkingabouttheworld.

This level of understanding opens up the possibility of making dramaticchanges in our lives and transforming our relationships with others. Webecome less inclined to over-react to the whirlwind of our ever-changingthoughts andmore able to respond insightfully to both gradual and suddenshiftsinourcircumstances.

TopFloors:IllusoryReality

‘Thereisnoseparationbetween“outthere”and“inhere.”Butformythinking,Iamapureexpressionoftheenergyoflife.’

At the level of illusion, the mind is seen to work less as a camera orpaintbrushthanasakaleidoscope,creatingendlesspatternsofexperienceasitdiffracts the oneness of life via the prism of Thought. This is the level ofunderstandingthatinvitesthemiraculous–transformationsthatdefyrationalexplanationandinsightsthatredefinetheworldinwhichwelive.

Whilemystics throughout theagesseemtoagreethat theformlessworldofspirit is realityand theworldof formis just illusion,anyZenmasterworththeirsaltwillhityouovertheheadwithastickordropalargerockonyourfoot thesecondyoustartclaiming thatyou ‘reallydoknow that it’sall justthought.’Butforthoseofusluckyenoughtocatchaglimpseoftheillusorynatureofreality,evenforamoment,theworldchanges.‘Reality’becomesalittlebitmorefluid,andwebegintoexperiencealevelofcalmandpeacethatmay have previously been unimaginable to us. In those moments of clearseeing,liveschange.

While I certainly don’t live at this level of consciousness, even knowing itexists is often enough to givemehopewhen I bumpup against somethingthatseemssosolidandhurtssomuchthatIhearmyselfsaying,‘Sure,Igetthatall thatother stuffwas just thought,but this isn’tmy thinking– this isreal!’

Howwedealwith thosemomentswill be a later topic inour conversation.Fornow,here’sareal-lifeexampleofhowquicklyadeeperunderstandingoftheinside-outnatureofrealitycanleadtochange.

ALICEINCHAINS

AlicewasthewifeofaclientI’dbeenseeingforonlyashorttimewhensherequestedasessionwithme.Whenwesatdowntogether,shetoldmealmostimmediatelythatshewasfedupandwantedtoleavemyclientandtakethekidswithher.

Sheburstintotearsandventedherfrustrationathismercurialmoodswings,neuroses,andinabilitytofollowthroughonhispromises.ThelaststrawwasaproposedtriptotheCaribbeanwhichhadbeencanceledatthelastminutewhenhe’dpanickedabouteverythingfrommissingoutonpotentialworktotheplanecrashingiftherestofthefamilywentonwithouthim.

AsmuchasIlikedmyclient,itreallyseemedtomethathiswifehadapoint.But I knew enough to just keep listening. After a time, Alice’s litany ofcomplaintsdrewtoacloseandshefinishedbysaying,‘Itfeelsmean-spiritedofmebecauseIknowhe’sgoingthroughatoughtime,butIdon’tknowhowanyonecouldlivewiththisleveloffrustration!’

Iaskedherifshewasopentosomecoaching,andwhenshesaidyes,Isharedalittleabouthowrealityiscreatedfromtheinsideout.Wetalkedabouthowfrustrationisn’tfeedbackaboutourlifebutfeedbackaboutthequalityofourthinking at a particular moment. In a clearer state of mind, thoughts offrustrationmightstillarise,butwewon’tgivethemasecondthought.Whenourmindisrelativelyclear,ourpersonalthinkingjustdoesn’tgettractioninthesamewaythatitdoeswhenourheadiscluttered.

So, while I couldn’t advise her on what to do, one thing I could say withabsolutecertaintywasthatshewasn’t inafitstate tomakeagooddecisionaboutwhat tohave for lunch, let alone aboutwhetherornot she shouldbeleavingherhusband.

Aftera fewmomentsofquiet, she lookedatmeandhereyes litup for thefirsttimesincewe’dstartedtalking.

‘Idon’twanttoleavehim,’shesaid.‘Ilovehim–Ireally,reallydo.It’sjustbeenhardseeinghimgothroughthisanditmakesmefeellikeafailureasawifebecauseIcan’tmakeeverythingokay.’

Wespokeforanother20minutesorsoandshethankedmeandthatwasthat.

Ionlyheardfromherdirectlyonceafterthat,aboutsixweekslaterviaane-mail. She thanked me for our conversation and said that things had beenmuch,muchbettersincewe’dspoken.

‘Idon’talwayssee it in themoment,’shewrote,‘but justknowingthatI’mfeelingmythinkingandnotmylifemakesallthedifferenceintheworld.’

Aboutayearlater,Igotapostcardfrommyclient–hewasonholidaywithhisfamilyandeverythingwasgoingextremelywell.

What struck me was how quickly Alice got something that had taken menearly40yearsofmylifetosee.

ThiswasbynomeansthefirsttimeI’dseensomeone’sworldshiftinasinglesession. When it first started happening, I went to my coach at the time,SandyKrot, and asked her if she could explain how problems that seemedingrainedandintractablecouldresolvethemselvesinamatterofminutes.Shesimplysaid,‘Becausetheywereneverreallythereinthefirstplace.’

ShewentontoshareastoryaboutaclientofGeorgePransky’swhogotupsetwithhimforimplyingthathisproblemsweren’treal.

‘Areyoutryingtotellme,’ theclientsaid,‘thatnoneofwhatI’mfeelingisreal?’

‘Thefeelingsarereal,’Georgeresponded,‘butthewayyou’reseeingyourlifeisn’t.It’sjustatrickofthemind,likeamirage.’

‘Soyou’resaying,’theclientcontinued,‘thatI’mfeelingallofthisstressandpressurebecauseofamirage?’

Georgereflectedforamoment.

‘Well,’hereplied,‘it’sarealmirage.’

PUTTINGITALLTOGETHER

Aswecontinuealonginourconversationtogether,someoftheideaswetalkaboutmaychallengeyourviewsofwhat’srealandwhat’spossible.Iaskonlyforyou to stayopen to thepossibility that even themost solid lookingandseemingly unchangeable problems in your life might, when viewed fromhigheruptheelevatorofconsciousness,appearascurioustoyouasapersonpaintingapictureofamonsterandthenrunningoutoftheroomscreaminginterror.

SydBanksusedtosay:

‘Theworldisadivinedream,suspendedbetweentheboundariesoftime,space,andmatter.’

And while we may never wake up from the dream, it’s possible at anymomenttowakeuptothefactthatwe’redreaming.

Inthenextpartofourconversation,we’lllookmoredeeplyintothenatureofthe inside-out understanding and how it can lead us toward seeminglymiraculous transformations, life-changing insights, and a calmer, wiserexperienceoflife.

Beforewemoveon,herearesomethoughtstoreflecton:

Peoplethinkexperienceiscomingatthemfromtheoutsidein,butit’sactuallycomingthroughthemfromtheinsideout.

We’relivinginthefeelingofourthinking,notthefeelingoftheworld.

‘Reality’changeswhenviewedfromdifferentlevelsofunderstanding.

Themoreweunderstandwhereourexperienceiscomingfrom,thelessfrightenedwe’llbeofthatexperience.

Whenourthoughtslookreal,weliveinaworldofsuffering.Whentheylooksubjective,weliveinaworldofchoice.Whentheylookarbitrary,weliveinaworldofpossibility.Andwhenweseethemasillusory,wewakeupinsideaworldofdreams.

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AFORMULAFORMIRACLES

‘Youdonotneedtoleaveyourroom.Remainsittingatyourtableandlisten.Donotevenlisten,simplywait.Donotevenwait,bequitestillandsolitary.Theworldwillfreelyofferitselftoyoutobeunmasked.Ithasnochoice.It

willrollinecstasyatyourfeet.’

FranzKafka

Ifirstcameacrossthefieldofcoachingin1988whenafriendplunkedmeinfrontofasetofTonyRobbinsaudiocassettesandaskedmetolistenwithher.Afewhundredhoursofreading,listening,andlivetraininglater,Ilaunchedmy first coaching company with my best friend David. We called itMomentum,becauseatthetimeitseemedtousthatthesecretofsuccesswasNewton’sFirstLawofMotion:

Anobjectatresttendstostayatrest;anobjectinmotiontendstostayinmotion.

We figured that themost helpful thing we could do with our students andclientswas to assist them in jump-starting their projects, careers, and lives,andgettingup such aheadof steam that itwouldbe almost easier tokeepgoingthantostop.However,whilethisapproachcertainlymadeadifferencefor a number of people, itwas also apparent that going faster didn’t reallyhelpwhenyouwereheadedinthewrongdirection.

So, a fewyears later, having studied thework of StevenR.Covey andDr.RichardBandler,Idecidedthatthe‘real’secretofsuccesswastochangeourthoughtsandactionssothatwedidlessofwhatdidn’tworkandmoreofwhatdid.IcalledmynewcompanyBehaviorChanges,andIbegantoworkwithcompanies,groups,and individualsona largelybehavioral level, seeking to

eliminate their ‘bad’ or unproductive habits while simultaneously installing‘good’productiveones.

For the next decade or so, I enjoyed working with people to change theirprogrammedhabitsof thinkingandbehavior,sometimesdirectly,sometimesthrough thedevelopmentofskills,andoften throughanexplorationof theirmost deeply held beliefs and values. I became one of the top coaches andtrainers in my field, but it troubled me that the clients who seemed toexperience the biggest positive shifts weren’t necessarily the ones whoachievedtheirstatedgoalsforourworktogether.

Whethermyclientsweretryingtochangetheirlivesbychangingtheworld,changing their actions, or changing their thoughts, they were still laboringunderafundamentallyfalseassumption:theideathatiftheycouldsomehowgaincontrolover theircircumstances (including the ‘circumstances’of theirthoughts),theirexperienceoflifewouldchangeforthebetter.

Whileeachofthesethreetypesofinterventioncanprovideshort-termreliefwhensuccessful,overtimetheyoftencreateasmanyproblemsastheysolve.Webecomewealthier,more successful, and find somebody to love, only tonow fill our time protecting our wealth, hanging on to our success, andworryingaboutlosingtheonewelove.

Or we become more disciplined, change our habits, and get ourselves ontrack,butalwaysknowthatwe’reonlyafewbaddaysorweeksawayfrombackslidingfurtherthanwe’veworkedsohardtocome.

Or we affirm abundance and health, eliminate the luxury of a negativethought,onlyhangoutwith‘positivepeople,’andwonderwhyourworldhasbecomesosmallandtightandrestricted.

So, if chasing better results, changing our behavior, and controlling ourthoughtswon’tgetuswhatwe reallywant,whatwill?Howdowe find thedifferencethatmakesthedifference?

TRANSFORMATIONFORDUMMIES

There’s a famous cartoon by Sidney Harris featuring two men at a chalkboard:

Whilethecartoonisclearlypokingmorefunatmathematicsthanpsychology,thesamethree-stepformulaoftenseemstoapplywheneverpeopleundergoatransformativeshiftintheirlife:

StepOne:Theylivetheirlife,doingthebesttheycanbutoftendriftingorevenflounderingalongtheway.

StepTwo:Thenamiracleoccurs…

StepThree:…andsomehowtheirlifeiscompletelydifferent.Theygofrominactiontoaction,fromstucktoflowing,fromlimitedtofree,frommiserabletohappy.They’renolongerdriventodrinkalcoholorgoshoppingortakeregularhitsoftheirdrugofchoice.Beforelong,theircareertakesoff,theirrelationshipsimprovebeyondallrecognition,andtheircreativeoutputsoars.

Weallknowatleastonepersonwho’sexperiencedthiskindoftransformationintheirlife.Perhapsit’safriendorfamilymemberwho‘foundreligion’andreallydidbegintoliveakinder,gentlerlife.Orsomeonewhowasdiagnosed

with a life-threatening illness or had a near-death experience and began toexperiencemoregratitudeandtoappreciatethesimplethingsinlife.

Sometimes,thecauseofthetransformationseemsmorerandom–thepersonread something in a book, or heard someone say something that somehowstruckthematafardeeperlevelthanmayhavebeenintended.

SydBanksreportedlyexperiencedhisfirstmajorinsightwhilehikingwithafellowparticipant on aweekend seminar. In themidst of an argument overwhichofthemwasmoreinsecure,hiscompaniontoldhim,‘You’renotreallyinsecure, Syd – you just think you are.’ Somehow, that innocuous, almostcomicalstatementmadenearly40yearsagotriggeredaseriesofinsightsintothe nature of Mind, Thought, and Consciousness which led to thedevelopmentofawholenewfieldofpsychology.

Suchtransformationsarenottheresultofanintervention,butrathertheeffectofashiftinourlevelofconsciousness.

Mostofusexperiencedatleastatemporaryshiftinourlevelofconsciousnessthe first timewe fell in love.Suddenly, theworld seemed amore beautifulplace.Wewereinspiredtowritepoetry,ortodrawpictures,orcreatethingsthatreflectedthebeautifulfeelingswefeltinsideus.

Becauseweattributedthosefeelingstoanotherperson,weoftenreturnedtoourhabituallevelafterward.Butthosefeelingsdon’tcomefromoutsideus–they’reapartofouressentialselves.Whenweseethefundamental truthofthat,theshiftinconsciousnessbecomespermanentandnewlevelsofseeingbecome available to us.That transformative shift comes to us via insight –literally‘sightfromwithin.’

Insights are those wonderful ‘Aha!’ moments when we’re able to seesomethingaboutourselves,ourlife,orlifeitselfinawholenewway.Peopleoften call them ‘light-bulbmoments,’ becausewe see things in a new lightthatmakesthemlooklessfixedandlessscarythanbefore.Ifthere’sanythingtobedone,wedoitwithouttheneedforanyadditionaldebateorwillpower.

Inthesewonderfultransformativemoments,wediscoverafreshnewwayofseeing something thatwemayhave been looking at for ages.We suddenly‘getit’–notintellectually,thewaywemightunderstandaconcept,butatanalmostcellularlevel,thewayweeithergetajokeorwedon’t,evenwhenweknowthatit’ssupposedtobefunny.Quitesimply,insightschangeourworld.

THEINSIGHTFAIRY

Unfortunately, knowing thatweneed to have insights in order to transformused to feel a bit discouraging to me. While I’d certainly had wonderfulinsightsthroughoutmylife,shortoftryingtoforceabreakthroughorprayingtothe‘insightfairy’(whichoddlyseemedtoworkalittlebitbetterthantryingto force a breakthrough, despite the fact that I’m fairly sure there is no‘insight fairy’), I always felt that getting a great insightmore than once ortwiceayearwastoomuchtohopefor.

WhichiswhyIwassodelightedwhenIhadmyfirstrealinsightintoinsights:

Allan‘insight’reallyis…isanewthought.

Forme, that realizationwas a game changer because I knew I could havefreshthinkingatanymoment.It’snotabigdealoramysticalprocess–it’sjust a part of the nature of Thought. Our thinking changes moment bymoment,sotheabilitytohaveanewthoughtaboutanoldsituationisnaturalandeverpresent.

Themost impactful of these ‘new thoughts’ seem to arise from somewherebeyondourpersonaldatabank,andcontain informationandwisdomoutsideourcurrentknowledge.They’reapartofthenaturalintelligenceofMind,andweexperiencethemascommonsenseandinnatewisdom.

Thisnowallowsustowriteupour‘formulaformiracles’intheformoftwosimplepsycho-spiritualequations:

Mind+Thought+Consciousness=Reality

Mind+NewThought+Consciousness=NewReality

Anditalsoallowsustobe‘moreexplicitinsteptwo.’Ifwereplace‘Thenamiracle occurs…’ with ‘Then a new thought comes to mind,’ we have aformulathat’sconsiderablymorereliable,practical,andpredictive:

StepOne:Welookinthedirectionofwhat’strueinlife,asopposedtosearchingforthemostusefullie.

StepTwo:Asweseemoretruth,weexperiencemorenewthinkingandariverofinsightsbeginstoflow.

StepThree:Whenaninsightissufficientlyprofound,itsimpactonour

lifeistransformative.Nothingchangesontheoutside,buteverything’sdifferentontheinside.Weexperienceaverticalleapinourlevelofconsciousnessandgainnewperspectiveonouroldwayofbeingintheworld.

For those of us interested in well-being (or indeed the well-being of theplanet), this formula for miracles takes us to a fork in the road. We cancontinuedownthepathofcontrolandattempttothink,behave,orchangetheworld in our quest for happiness and well-being. In fairness, this path hasnumerous advantages. It’s well lit and well traveled and we’ll rarely findourselvesata lossforcompanionsonthat journey.While thesecompanionsmay disagree with us on the specific things we need to change or how tochangethem,they’llneverquestionthefundamentalpremisethatweneedtochangesomethinginordertobehappyandwhole.

On the other hand,we can take the path of transformation, sacrificing thatcomforting feeling of being in control in the hope of discovering greaterfreedom.Wegiveupontheapparentsafetyoftheknowninsearchoftheasyet unknown – the field of pure possibility – the space where miracleshappen.

Isometimescomparethecontrastbetweenthepathofcontrolandthepathoftransformation as the difference between climbing a ladder and taking theelevator. When we see our own actions, thoughts, and intentions as theprimarymotiveforceincreatingchange,wedoourbesttosoldieronuptheinfinite ladderofconsciousness,climbingtenrungstodayandslippingbackdowneighttomorrow.

Butwhenweseethatconsciousnessitselfisthegreatesttransformativeforceavailable, we simply step into the elevator of insight, hanging out in theunknownandlookingintothemysteryofbeingalive.Whilewedon’tcontrolthe timing, each time the doors of perception open we emerge from theelevatoronahigherfloor,withanew,clearerviewoflife.

Ofcourse,attimestheelevatormaygodownaswellasup.Butoncewe’vehad an insight and seen the view from a higher floor, we can never reallyforgetit.

PUTTINGITALLTOGETHER

Inthenextchapter,we’lltakeacloserlookatthedeeperintelligenceofMindandthekindnessofthedesign.Beforewedo,hereareafewofthemainideasfromthischapter:

Interventionstendtoaddresssymptomswithoutfundamentallycorrectingthesourceofourproblems–amisunderstandingofwhereourexperienceiscomingfrom.

Aninsightisanewthought,containinginformationandwisdomoutsideourcurrentknowledge.

Insightschangeourworld.

Mind+NewThought+Consciousness=NewReality

Whenwegiveupontryingtocontrolourexperience,wefindourselvesmovingeffortlesslyintohigherlevelsofconsciousness.

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ORIGINALGRACE

‘Iamthehappiestmanalive.Ihavethatinmethatcanconvertpovertytoriches,adversitytoprosperity.IammoreinvulnerablethanAchilles;

fortunehathnotoneplacetohitme.’

SirThomasBrown

Myownfirstmajorinsightintotheinside-outnatureofrealitycamewhenItraveled to that small townnear theCanadianborderandhadmyfirst four-day conversation with Dr. Keith Blevens, a member of George Pransky’steam. Iwas convinced that Iwas going to learn their secret techniques fordissolvingproblemsandtakethemhomesothatIcouldincorporatethemintomywork.Buttwodaysintoourtimetogether,Irealizedthatallwe’dtalkedabout was the nature ofMind, Consciousness, and Thought, and how theycombined to createour experienceof life.Pleasant though the conversationwas,Iwaswaitingwithincreasingimpatienceforhimtogettothepoint.

Bythesecondnight,whenIpoppedarecordingofSydBankstalkingaboutthepowerofThoughtintotheDVDplayerinmyhotelroom,I’djustaboutgiven up on learning anything of value. Then, halfway throughmy secondbeer,IheardsomethingsoprofoundthatthebeercamespurtingoutmynoseasIburstintofitsoflaughter.

AllSydsaid(andI’vegonebackandplayedtheDVDoveragain tocheck)was:

‘Everyhumanbeinghasinnatementalhealth.’

The reason it struckmeas funnywasbecause somehowIknew that itwasabsolutelyandfundamentallytrue.

Ihadbeenadepressed,suicidalteen.AndasIlearnedandpracticedmanyoftheself-helptechniquesthatproliferateinourculture, itgotbetter.Forover15yearsIstudiedandpracticedeverymethodologyIcouldfindtostaveoffdepressionand‘create’positivefeelingsinmybody.AndIbecameconvincedthat the only things preventingme from sliding back into themisery I hadfoughttoothandnailtoescapeweremytechniquesandpractices.SoforSydto say thatmental healthwas naturalwent against everything I’d learned –andtaught–inmyfirstforaysintotheworldofself-help.

Yet Icould instantlysee the truthof it.Afterall,babiesdon’tneed therapy.AndwhileIcan’thonestlysayIrememberwhatitfeltliketobeinthewomb,Iknewfromwatchingmyownkidsgrowupthat,otherthanduringperiodsofphysicaldiscomfort,theylivedinaprettycontinualstateofmentalwell-beingforthefirstfewyearsoftheirlives.Inseeingtheoriginalgraceofmyinnatementalhealth,Ifeltasthoughtheburdenofnearly40yearsofstrugglehadbeenliftedoffmyshoulders.

Well-beingisournature.Thatdoesn’tmeanwealwaysfeelgood–anyoneofuscangetcaughtupinthoughtatanytime,andinsodoingbecomeinstantlysubject toeveryemotionalcolor in thespectrum.But tosaythatmeansthatwell-being comes and goes would be like saying that because there areclouds,thesunisn’talwayspresent.Eveninthedarkesthour,thesunisstillthere – it’s just that sometimes there’s something between us and our clearseeing.

ONHAVINGANOSE

ShortlyafterIhadthisinsight,apotentialclientnamedRichardcametomyofficeandaskedmeifIcouldhelphim.

‘Iseepeopleallaroundmewhoarehappyanditseemssounfair,’hebegan.‘I’mnot abadperson. I always try todomybest.Don’t I deserve abit ofhappinessinmylifetoo?’

Tomydismay,Ifeltmyselfstartingtocrackup.ItriedtostiflethelaughterbecauseIknewitwashorriblyinappropriate,butIwoundupsnortinginstead.Richardbriefly tookoffense,but Icaughtmybreath, regainedmybearings,and,asgentlyasIcould,pointedouttheessentialhumorinhisrequest.Itwasasthoughsomeonehadcometomesaying,‘Canyouhelpme?Iseepeopleallaroundmewithnosesanditseemssounfair.I’mnotabadperson.Don’tIdeservetohaveanoseonmyfacetoo?’

As we spoke further, Richard and I explored some of the other things hethoughtheneededtopracticeinordertohave.

‘I’dliketoopenmyheartmore,’hesaid.‘IstheresomethingIcoulddotogetbetteratopeningmyheart?’

At thatmoment,my then five-year-old daughterMaisy ran intomy office,askingwhethershecouldgooutsidetocatchsomefairies.

I saidyes (afterall, I’mnotanogre),and then returned tomyconversationwithRichard.

‘DoyouthinkMaisyneedstopracticekeepingherheartopen?’Iaskedhim.

‘Well,no,butshe’sjustachild.Shehasn’tlearnedtocloseherheartyet.’

Weleftthosewordssittinginthesilenceforsomemoments,whichIfinallybrokewiththisquotefromArnoldPatentinhisbookMoney:

‘Wedon’tcreateabundance.Abundanceisalwayspresent.Wecreatelimitation.’

Wedon’tneedtocreateabundance,becauseabundanceisalreadythere.Wedon’t need to create love, or well-being, or happiness, because love, well-being,andhappinessarepartofouressentialnature.Wedon’tneedtolearnto

openourheartorconnectwithothers,becausethat’sjustwhathappenswhenwedon’tstopitfromhappening.

Doyouneedtopracticenotsteppingontheacceleratorofyourcarifyou’dliketoslowdown?Notreally–becauseassoonasyounoticethatyou’retheonesteppingontheaccelerator,youcanstopanytimeyoulike.

Similarly,themomentyouactuallynoticeyou’reclosingdownyourheartorcuttingoffyourgoodfeelingsforanotherperson(because,afterall,theylefttheirsocksonthefloor,ordidn’tsay‘thankyou,’orranintoyourofficewhenyouwerewithaclient),you’llprobablyjuststop,becauseyouhaveaninnatecommon sense that tells you that if youkeep shootingyourself in the foot,youmightwanttoputdownthegunbeforeyougoinfortoesurgery.

Thereturntothis‘originalgrace’oflifeisalwaysavailabletous,andtakesnoparticularefforttoattainbecauseitisinfactareturntoournaturalwayofbeing.Here’sallyouneedtoknow:

There’snothingyouneedtodo,be,have,get,change,practice,orlearninordertobehappy,loving,andwhole.

RESTORINGTHEFACTORYDEFAULTS

Our innate well-being is just one of what I’ve come to recognize as the‘factorydefaultsettings’forhumanbeings.Ifirstcameupwiththisanalogyafter struggling to getmy computer printerworking for nearly aweek andfinallydecidingIneededprofessionalhelp.GiventhatI’dtriedeverythingIcouldthinkofandeverylittletweakandadditiontothesystemthattheonlineforumshadtooffer,Iwasabitdisappointedwhentheprofessional’shelpwassosimple–he toldmetoclickthebuttonmarked‘Restore todefault.’Sureenough, after a couple ofminutes of clicking andwhirring,myprinterwasbackonlineandIwas left reflectingonwhat theequivalentofclicking thatbuttonwouldbeforushumanbeings.

ThemoreIreflected,themoreapparentitbecametomethatsomanyofthethingswestrivetoachieveinourpersonaldevelopmentareactuallyapartofour ‘factory settings.’ For example, perhaps the most beautiful feelingavailabletousisthedeepconnectionwecanexperiencewithanotherhumanbeing, a beloved pet, or even theworld around us. So thiswould certainlyseem to beworth striving andmaybe even struggling to achieve, a fact towhichthemillionsofpeoplewhocontinuetosearchfortrueloveinspiteoftheseeminglyoverwhelmingoddsoffindingitbearwitness.Butonceagain,wehaveitbackward.

Inorder towant to feelmoreconnected,wefirsthave toseparateourselvesout.Asanyonewithyoungchildrenknows,thisgameofindividuationstartsearly, as the borders of the body start to feelmore solid and thewords ‘I,’‘me,’and‘mine’starttotakeonmoreandmoremeaningandimportance.

Then,aswegetolder,weputupmoreboundariesbetweenourselvesandthewhole,definingourselvesas separatenot just in termsofourbodybutalsoourreligion,ourethnicity,ourbeliefs,andourvalues.Thisactiveseparationiswhatmakesconnectednessseemsuchaworthygoal.

But the truth iswe’re alreadyconnected to life, becausewe’remadeof thesameenergyasalllivingthings.Likewavesinacosmicocean,weappeartobeseparatewithouteverseparatingfromthewhole.

Or consider howmuch time is spent in personal and spiritual developmentseminarson ‘beingpresent.’ I have a completelyuntested theory that everytenyearsorsosomeonecomesalongsaying‘Thepresentmomentisagoodthing’ in just the right way for society to go: ‘Holy cow, this is brilliantly

insightful–whenwe’renotupinourheadsallthetime,we’remorepowerfulandenjoyourlivesmore!’

Soweallstriveformorenow-nessinourlife,usingwhichevermeditationormindfulnesspracticeisinvogueinourparticularworld.Yet‘beingherenow’is thedefault:wehavetothinkourwayoutof thepresentmoment,andthemomentwestopdoingit,we’rerightbackwherewestarted–rightwherewearesittingnow.

THEINTELLIGENCEBEHINDTHESYSTEM

Acoupleofyearsago,NinaandIspentoursecondhoneymoonontheislandsofBoraBora.Oneday,aSouthAfricanexpatwascomplainingtous that itwasdifficulttogetgoodhelponhisvanillaplantation,asthelocalshadreadyaccesstoeverythingtheyneededthereontheislandwithnoneedformoneytogooutandbuyit.

Inthesameway,asweseethatsomuchofwhatwe’restrivingforisthereforthetaking,itmakeslessandlesssensetoworksohardforwhatwealreadyhave.Whenyoudon’tdrinkratpoison,youdon’tneedanantidote.Andwhenseparatingyourselfoutfromthewhole,planningandrememberingyourwayout of the present moment, and thinking your way out of well-being stopseeminglikegoodideas,youdothemlessandless.Atsomepoint,thesystemresets,andyougetafreshstart.

To better understand how your experience of life can change for the betterwithoutyouhavingtodothechanging,imaginewakingupfromanightmare.Onemomentyou’retotallyengrossedinfightingoffvampirezombiesandthenext your eyes are open and the vampire zombies are gone. Youmay stillhave a little bit of adrenaline coursing throughyourveins, but there arenolastingafter-effects.Nohealingisnecessary.Youjustgetupandgetonwithyourday.

In the same way, no healing is necessary after an unpleasant or insecurethought–you justwakeup (to the factofyour thinking)andbefore longanew thought comes along and you have a new experience.While the newthoughtisn’tnecessarilybetterthantheoldone,whenwejustallowthoughtstopass throughus, the intelligencebehind thesystemseems tomove in thedirectionofdeeperthoughtsandgreatermentalhealth.

This pre-existing intelligence shows up in nearly every area of life. Forexample,myfamilyandIrecentlyvisitedSequoiaNationalParkinCaliforniaandwenttoanexhibitiononforestfires.Itturnsoutthatintheearlypartofthetwentiethcentury,technologyandresourceshadgottentothepointwherethenumberofforestfiresinAmerica’snationalparksdroppedtoanall-timelow.But,tothesurpriseofmostofthepeopleinvolvedinthisfirepreventionandsuppressioneffort,their‘success’atcontrollingwildfiresactuallyledtoalesshealthyeco-system.

Whilemostofusthinkofforestfiresasabadthing,they’reapartofthepre-

existing intelligence of nature – one of the ways in which old growth isclearedawaytomakeroomforsomethingnew.Modernpreventiontakesthisinto account and allows formany naturally occurringwildland fires to runtheircourse.They’recloselymonitoredtopreventthemfromspreadingintopopulatedareas,butareallowed toplayout their role in the renewalof theforest.

Another example of this pre-existing intelligence is the human body. It’sdesignedtohealitself.IfIcutmyfinger,Idon’tneedtogetoverlyinvolvedin theprocessofclotting theblood,creating thescab,orgrowingnewskin.That’stheintelligencebehindthephysicalsystematwork.Whilewethinkoffevers and diarrhea and vomiting as bad things, they’re the body’s way ofeliminatingtoxinsinahurry.It’sallbuiltintothedesign.

AsfarasIcantell,thesamethingistrueofthemind.It’sdesignedtoclearitselfoutallthetimeandtoreturntoquietandclarity.It’slikeaself-cleaningcat litter tray– thecatpoops, the tray senses theextraweight, and thearmcomesupandclearsthepoopaway.

Now the moment you understand that, you’re off the hook. Because thesystemisdesignedtotakecareofyourmentalhygiene,youdon’thaveto.It’ssometimeshard to trust theself-regulatingnatureof thesystemtocleanoutouroldcrappythinkingandreplaceitwithnewthought,buttheintelligencebehindthesystemisalwaysatwork–anditworksthesameforeveryone.

Wefeelourthinking,anditshapesourperceptionsandcreatesourexperienceoflife.Thisis trueregardlessofwherewe’refromorhowworthywethinkwe are. Delivering fresh thinking is just a natural part of how the systemworks.Whenwetrusttheprocessandallowittodoitsjob,ourlifebecomessimplerandourexperiencebecomesricher.

THEKINDNESSOFTHEDESIGN

I heard a lovely illustrationof this idea fromRobertKausen, a teacher andconsultantinthisapproachformanyyears.Hewastellingmeaboutafriendofhisfromhighschoolwhowastrainingforhispilot’slicense.

Duringhisfirstsoloflight,helostcontrolofhisPiperCub‘trainerplane’highabovetheground.Themorehetriedtobringtheplanebackunderhiscontrol,themorewildlyitspan.Hisconversationwiththetowerwentsomethinglikethis:

Pilot:Mayday!Mayday!I’velostcontroloftheplane–pleaseadvise!

Tower:Takeyourhandsand feetoff thecontrols. Irepeat, takeyourhandsandfeetoffthecontrols!

Pilot:Negative, tower– repeat, I have lost control of theplane! I’m tryingeverythingIcantobringitbackundercontrol,butIjustcan’tdoit!Thisisamatteroflifeanddeath–please,justtellmewhattodo!

Tower:This isamatterof lifeanddeath– takeyourhandsandfeetoff thecontrols!Doitnow!

What theyoungpilotdidn’tknow(and theair trafficcontroller clearlydid)wasthattrainerplaneshaveaself-rightingmechanismbuiltintothem.Whenthepilotletsgoofthecontrols,theplanelevelsitselfout.Oncetheplaneisbackonanevenkeel,thepilotcantakeoveragainandsteertheplanebacktosafety–whichisexactlywhathappenedinthecaseofRobert’syoungfriend.

Sohowdoesthisapplytous?

TheprincipleofMindseemstoworkthroughusinthedirectionofhealthandwell-being. It’sa sortof spiritual immunesystem thatwillbringa return topeacethemomentwestepoutoftheway.Iwouldn’teventhinkoftryingtohealmyowncutfinger;Ineedn’ttrysohardtohealmywoundedpsyche.

Thereasonso fewofusget toexperience thatpowerworking inour life isthatwe’resobusytryingtofixeverythingforourselves.Andironically,likethe pilot overworking the controls of a plane designed to right itself, ourconstant affirmations and interventions often get in the way of our mind’sreturntoclarityandhealth.

Wetrysohardtoremembertolivebythewisdomandinsightsofothersthatwe forget the source of that wisdom is inside us as well. Insights are thenatural side-effects of living with a relatively quiet mind and a relativelybeautifulfeeling.Forgetthewords,staywiththefeeling,andtheinsightswillcontinuetounfold.

Iknowitcanbedifficulttryingnottofixthingswhenyou’reconvincedthatthey’rebroken, andevenmoredifficultwhenyou’reconvinced that they’regetting worse. But in a quieter moment (and we all have our quietermoments), consider the possibility that healthy psychological functioning isthedefaultandyournaturalstateispeace.Andifyou’rewillingtotakeyourhandsandfeetoffthecontrols,youjustmightfindyourselfreturningtothisnaturalstatemoreandmoreandmoreofthetime.

When you do, you’ll know beyond a shadow of a doubt that that place ofpeaceisyourpsychologicalandspiritualhome.

PUTTINGITALLTOGETHER

In the next chapter, we’ll take a closer look at that place of peace – themeditativestate.Untilthen,hereareafewremindersofsomeofthekeyideasinthischapter:

Everyoneofushasinnatementalhealth.

There’snothingweneedtodo,be,have,get,change,practice,orlearninordertobehappy,loving,andwhole.

Connection,presence,andwell-beingareapartofour‘factorysettings.’

Theequivalentofourresetbuttonisadeeperinsightintothenatureofthehumanexperience.

Thereisanintelligencebehindthesystemandakindnesstothedesign.

Whenweletgooftryingtocontrolourthoughts,thispre-existingintelligencewillleadusbacktowardourinnatewisdomandwell-being.

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6

THEVALUEOFANEMPTYMIND

‘Leavethinkingtotheonewhogaveintelligence.InSilencethereiseloquence.Stopweaving,andwatchhowthepatternimproves.’

Rumi

For several years early on in my teaching career, I told a version of thefollowingstoryatthebeginningofmytrainings…

Onceuponatime,astudenttraveledfarandwideinordertoexpandhisknowledgeofthepath.Muchtohisdelight,onedayhewasgrantedanaudiencewithanotedZenmaster.Whentheysatdowntogether,hesharedthemanythingshe’dbeenstudyingonhisjourney.

Afterlisteningpolitelyfornearlyanhour,themastercalledfortea.Asalways,theteawaspreparedaccordingtoanelaboratesetofrituals.Whenitcametimetopour,themasterhimselfperformedthehonors.

However,tothestudent’sdismay,themasterdidn’tstoppouringwhentheteacupwasfull.Hecontinuedtopourthegoldenliquiduntilitbeganspillingoverthesidesofthecupandontothesaucer.Thestudentdidn’twanttobesopresumptuousastocorrectthemaster,butwhentheteabegantopourovertheedgesofthesaucerandpuddleonthefloor,hefelthehadnochoice.

‘Excuseme,ohvenerableone,’hesaid,carefultoobservetheformsofrespect,‘butyoumuststoppouring.Thecupisfull–itcantakeonnomoretea.’

‘Ah,’saidthemasterwithatwinkleinhiseye.‘Likethiscup,yourmindisfullofyourownideasandaccumulatedlearning.Ifyouwanttolearnsomethingnew,firstyoumustemptyyourcup!’

Iused thestoryasawayofencouragingpeople toput theirold thinking toonesideand‘getstupid’sothattheycouldapproachlearningnewthingswitha ‘beginner’smind.’ But it was onlywhen I began studying the inside-outunderstandingthatIcaughtaglimpseintoafarmorepowerfulmeaningtothestory.Ratherthantryingtomakeroomforanewphilosophytobepouredinbyan‘expert’inthisfieldorthat,thepointofemptyingourmindissothatitcanbefilledwithinsightfromthenaturalintelligencethatexistsbeyondourpersonalthinking.

WhileIintuitivelyrecognizedthevalueof‘gettingstupid,’Iwasalsofiercelyresistant to it. My mother has a Ph.D. in organic chemistry from theUniversity ofBrussels,mybrother startedMIT at 16, andmy sister startedHarvardat17.Ourfamilyvaluedintellect,andIwasdamnedifIwasgoingtoput that to one side.After all, I reasoned to myself,my intellect is what’sgottenmewhereIamtoday.

So,whenIhiredaPrinciples-basedpractitionernamedKristenMansheimtoassist me in integrating this understanding into my work, I spent way toomuchtimetryingtopersuadeherofthevalueofintellectingeneralandofmyintellectinparticular.

Whatlostmetheargumentwasn’tanythingshesaid,butrathersomethingIfelt:inthemidstofmyrepeatedintellectualthrustsintoherannoyinglynon-judgmental listening, Iwas suddenlyoverwhelmedby a deep andprofoundfeelingofpeaceandquiet.

Inthelingeringsilence,Isawtwothingsquiteclearly.ThefirstwasthatthissenseofpeacewassomethingIrecognizedashavingbeenpresentinseveralofmymost life-changingmoments. The secondwas that even if I’d neverexperienced it before, I would gladly have traded a thousand intellectualvictories for even five extra minutes spent resting in that world of deeperfeeling.

Thetransformativeconversationthatfollowedunfoldedoverseveralmonths,andIcametorefertooursessionstogetheras‘speedbumps’forthewayinwhich they allowedmy thinking to slowdownand a deeper intelligence toflowthroughthecracksinmymuchballyhooedintellect.

Forthefirst40yearsofmylifeI’dbeentrainedtousemymindlikeabuzzsaw, filling it up with information and cutting through the weak points inotherpeople’sargumentswithoutevernoticingthescarsI’daccumulatedonmy own psyche along the way. Now I began to see the value of listeningwithout anything on my mind, allowing myself to become reflective and

receptive to awisdom that seemed toexist somewherebeyond the reachofmyownexperience.

ACCESSINGINNATEWISDOM

Ofcourse,onceIsawthepowerofthisdeeperintelligence,thenextquestionbecamehow to slowdownmy thoughts to thepointwhere I couldactuallybenefitfromitonaregularbasis.

By this time George Pransky had become my mentor in the inside-outunderstanding,andhesharedwithmehismetaphor for theworkingsof themindasbeinglikethetachometerofaracingcar.Generallyspeaking,driversusethetachometertoletthemknowwhentheengineisfunctioningoptimallyand when it’s time to shift gear. Now imagine that instead of measuringrevolutionsperminute,RPM,ourmental tachometermeasures thoughtsperminute,orTPM.

Let’ssaythatourbrain’sTPMtachometerrunsonascalesomethinglikethis:

0–50TPM:Deeperwisdom/beautifulfeelings

50–100TPM:Healthyfunctioning/goodfeelings

100–200TPM:Beginningtooverload/mildstress

200–300TPM:Spinningoutofcontrol/persistentstress

Over300TPM:Mentalburnout/extremestress

So,ifwewanttomakethejourneyfromstresstopeaceandfromburnouttowisdom,weneedtofindawayforourthinkingtoslowdown.Weintuitivelyknowthis,whichiswhymeditationandhypnosishavebecomeincreasinglypopular in Western culture over the last 60 years and have been standardpracticeinEasternandOceanicculturesforseveralmillennia.

Themeditativestateofmindistheclosestthingtoa‘magicwand’thatI’vecomeacrossin25yearsofexploringthehumanpotential.Ithealsthebody.It’sthegatewaytodeeperwisdom.Itopensupaworldofdeeperfeelings.Itgivesusglimpsesintothenatureoftheuniverse.

Most people who understand its power have learned to access it throughdisciplineandpracticeovertime.Infact,peopleputanextraordinaryamountofeffortintoattainingandmaintainingapeacefulstateofmind.Theytrytoprotecttheirmindfromdisturbancebynotwatchingthenews,notreadingthepapers, and not allowing negative people into their life. They employmeditativetechniquesdesignedtostillthemindthroughinquiry,mantras,andvisualizations. Or they shift their attention away from their mind and onto

theirbody,usingintenseexercise,gentlemovement,orfocusingonthebreathtochangetheirstate.

Eachoneof thesepracticescanbeaneffectivewayofexperiencinggreaterpeace of mind and the insights that come with it. But there’s a differencebetweenhavingameditationpracticeandbeinginameditativestateofmind.

Ifyouwant toslowdownyourcarengine,youdoitbynotpressingontheaccelerator;ifyouwanttoslowdownyourthoughts,youdoitbynotrevvingthem up.Which means that there’s nothing you can do that will quiet themindfasterthandoingnothingtoquietthemind.

Andwhenyourecognizemeditationasyournaturalstate,there’snothingyouneed todo toattain it. It’snotonlyrightwhereyouaresittingnow; it’s theonewho’sdoingthesitting.

MOREPERIODS,FEWERCOMMAS

Forarecoveringintellectualwhopreferstousethreewordswhenonewouldprobablydo,thishasattimesposedaninterestingdilemma.SometimesIstillwanttoanalyzeeveryaspectoftheuniverseinminutedetail;atothertimesIjustwanttoenjoybeingalive.SoIwasintriguedwhensomefriendscametovisithavingjustreturnedfroman‘intensive’wherethey’dspentseveraldaysnoticing that in every single moment we’re living in the feeling of ourthinking.

WhenIaskedthemwhatthey’dgottenfromtheexperience,theyreflectedfora fewmoments,and thenreplied, ‘Moreperiods, fewercommas.’ (Actually,they’reEnglishandtheysaid,‘Morefullstops,fewercommas,’butIthoughtI’dtranslate…)

WhenIaskedthemtoelaborate,theysaidthatwhattheywerenoticingwasanabsenceoftherunningcommentaryonexperiencethatusuallygoesoninthebackgroundofthemind.

Forexample:

‘I’mupsetthattheydidthat,andtheyneedtostop,orelseitmeansthattheydon’tloveme…’

became

‘I’mupset.’

And

‘I’msuchanidiot,butthat’sjudgmental,Ishouldn’tbesojudgmental,afterall,I’vebeenlearningallthesewonderfulthingsabouthowthemindworks,andIwanttobeagoodperson,buthowdoesthatworkwhenIdosomethingstupid,amIjustsupposedtosithereandnotbeatmyselfupaboutitandhopethatI’llmagicallylearnnottobesuchanidiotinthefuture?’

became

‘I’msuchanidiot.’

Theresultantmentalquiet theywereexperiencingwasequivalent tohaving

spentweeksonameditationretreat,somethingbothofthemhaddoneinthepastaspartoftheirsearchforabetterandmoremeaningfullife.

EMPTY-HEADED,FILLEDWITHJOY

For some reason, the simplicity of their experience reminded me of aninterviewI’doncereadwhereOscar-winningactorSpencerTracywasaskedthe secret of great acting.His response? ‘Knowyour lines and don’t bumpintothefurniture.’

Whilethatremarkmaywellhavebeencompletelytongueincheek,itactuallypoints to somethingquite fundamental abouthowwe tend tohabituallyuseourmind. Inorder tomake senseofwhat that is, I’d likeyou todoa littlethoughtexperiment:

Thinkofatleastthreetimeswhenyouwerecompletelylostinthoughtandithadouter-worldconsequences.

For example,many of us get lost in thoughtwhile driving, or on a bus ortrain.We daydream about the future, replay conversations in our head, andgenerallyallowourbraintotakeusanywherebutwhereweare.Mostofthetimewegetawaywithit,andthedisappearanceofthebus,train,ormotorwayfromourconsciousnesshasnoouter-worldimpact.Buthaveyouevermissedyourstop,oryourexit,orlostsightofthebumperofthecarinfrontofyou?

Orperhapsyouwereatapartyorbusinessmeetingandweresocaughtupinyour thinking that when introductions were made, you totally missedeveryone’snameandhadtodancearounditfortherestoftheeveninginthehopethatthenameswouldspontaneouslycomeupagaininconversation.

My own most embarrassing ‘thought-full’ moment was years ago when IauditionedforaplayinLondon.Thescenecalledforaproposalofmarriage,andItookoffmyweddingringtouseitasaprop.Iwashalfwaybacktothetrainstation,runningthrougheverythingthathadbeensaidattheauditiontoseeifIcouldfigureouthowwellorpoorlyI’ddone,whenIrealizedIdidn’thavemyring.

I rushed back to the theater, interrupting the next actor’s audition, andeveryonefromthedirectortothecleanersetaboutlookingformyring–untiltheactressIhadproposedtosaid,‘What’sthatonyourhand?’Tomyhorror,myweddingringwasrightwhereitshouldhavebeen–ontheringfingerofmy left hand. Suffice it to say, I didn’t get the part, but I’ve always takensomesmallcomfortinthefactthattheactorwhoseauditionIinterruptedgotcastinmystead.

Howaboutyourthought-fullmoments?Haveyouevergonelookingforyourglassesonlytofindthemperchedonthetopofyourhead?OrgoneintoworkorschoolonlytofinditwasaSaturday?Evertriedtogetintothewrongcar,or to fix a ‘broken’ piece of electrical equipment only to find it wasn’tactuallyswitchedonorpluggedin?

Thereasoneveryonehasatleastafewofthesestoriesintheirarsenalisthatwe all spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about stuff. We thinkaboutwhatwe had for dinner last night andwhatwe’re going to have forlunchtoday.Wethinkaboutwhatourpartnerreallymeantwhentheysaid,‘Ilove you,’ in a slightly distractedmanner, and we think about whether wereallymeantitthelasttimewesaidit.

In fact, it’s become so normal to always have something (or even lots ofthings)onourmindthatwe’vestoppednoticinghowunnaturalitis.Afterall,weweren’tbornwithverymuchonourmind.Butsomewherealongtheway,we learned to live a second life inourhead.And in sodoing,webegan tomissoutontheincrediblejoy,insight,richnessanddepthoffeelingavailabletousinthefirstone.

That’snottosaythatthinkingisbad.Thecapacityforcriticalthinkingplaysan important role in the evolution of our society and the development ofscience, mathematics, philosophy, language, and more. But if you findyourselfbumping into thefurnitureorgettingupsetabout thewaysomeoneyou’llnevermeethasparkedtheircarinapubliccarpark,chancesareyourcriticalthinkinghasrunamok.

In other words, Thought makes a great servant but a terrible master.Fortunately, learning tomaster your thinking is as simple as understandinghowthemindworksatadeeperlevel.

ImaginethemindasbeingapipelineforfreshThought,flowingstraightfromthe deeper intelligence behind life into our consciousness, where weexperienceitasourpersonalreality.WhenthepipelineisopenandThoughtis flowing freely,ourexperience is fedbyagentle streamofnew thoughts,insights,andcreative ideas.When thepipeline isclosedorcloggedupwithour own regurgitated thinking, we experience an endless rehash of what’salreadystuckinsideit.Facedwiththislogjamofstale,repetitivethinking,westart to experience boredom, irritation, and a sense of futility and evenemptiness.

Ifwedon’tunderstandthatallthat’shappeningiswe’vegottenlostinaworldofourownthinking,thetemptationisto‘fix’ourexperiencebygoingoutand

creatingourownbestimitationsofloveandhappinessandfulfillment.Ifwedounderstand, thenweknow thatwithinmomentsofallowingourmind toemptyandourthoughtstosettle,we’llonceagainfeeltheflowofthedeeperriveroflife.

Sowhy is ‘Know your lines and don’t bump into the furniture’ such greatadviceforlife?

Because when we ‘know our lines’ – that is, we understand that ourconnection to thedeeper intelligencebehind themind iscontinuallywritingthebestpossiblescriptforourlife–werelaxintothemomentandneverhavetoworryaboutwhatwe’lldoorsaynext.Andthelesswehaveonourmind,the less likely we are to absent-mindedly bump into the furniture of ourcircumstancesandthemoreeffortlesslywe’llnavigateourlife.

PUTTINGITALLTOGETHER

SydBanksoncewrote:

‘Letyourmindbestill,forthewisdomyouseekislikethatbutterflyoveryonder.Ifyoutrytocatchitwithyourintellect,itwillsimplyflyaway.Ontheotherhand,ifyoucanstillyourmind,someday,whenyouleastexpectit,itwilllandinthepalmofyourhand.’

Aswemove on to the next part of our conversation, consider taking sometimeofffromyourownthinking.Letgoofallyourconcernsandcaresforafewhoursandseewhatcomesintofill theemptyspace.Worstcase,you’llhave a pleasant read with less background noise than you’re used to. Bestcase,you’llgetaninsightintothekindoflifewewerealldesignedtolive.

Inthefinalsectionofthebookwe’llexploretheimplicationsoftheinside-outunderstanding on performance, results, and thewaywe live our day-to-daylives. But before we do, here’s a quick review of some insights from thischapter:

Whenourmindisempty,itcanbefilledwithinsightfromthenaturalintelligencethatexistsbeyondourpersonalthinking.Thisnaturalintelligenceisourinnatewisdom.

Whenwelistenwithoutanythingonourmind,webecomereceptivetoawisdomthatcomesfrombeyondthereachofourownexperience.

Meditation–aquietmindandabeautifulfeeling–isournaturalstate.

There’snothingwecandothatwillquietthemindfasterthandoingnothingtoquietthemind.

Thelesswehaveonourmind,thebetterlifegets.

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7

LEARNINGHOWTOTHRIVE

‘Theonlytrickinlifeistobegratefulforyourhighsandgracefulwithyourlows.’

GeorgePransky

ForthepastsevenyearsI’vehostedaweeklyradioshowwherepeoplephonein for coaching on everything fromhealth to happiness and from starting abusinesstostartingafamily.NewcomerstotheshowareoftensurprisedthatIalmost never give advice, no matter how challenging the caller’scircumstancesmightappeartobe.

Despite this fact, callers inevitably leave the show feeling lighter, with agreatersenseofclarityabouttheirsituationandoftenwiththenextstepsofanactionplan already inplace.Tobetter understandhow thatworks, considerthefollowingscenario:

You’reenjoyingarelaxingdayinthecountryside,walkingalongadirtroadafewmilesfromthenearesttown,whenacarcomesscreechingaroundthecornerandskidstoastop,missinghittingyoubyinches.It’scakedinmudfromtoptobottom,andwhenitstops,someofthemudcomesflyingoffandhitsyouintheface.

Asyouwipethegrungeoffyourglasses,younoticethatyoucanbarelyseeintothecarthroughthethickcoatingofmudonthewindshield.Layersofglopfalltothegroundasthedriverrollsdownhiswindowandhurriedlyapologizes,launchingintoastoryabouthiswifeandchildrenbeinginhospitalinthenearbytownandhisnearlydrowningwhenhedrovehiscarofftheroadandintoaswampinhishastetobeattheirside.

Whatadvicewouldyougivehim?

Most people find this a fairly easy question to answer. Nearly everyonerecognizestheneedforthismantoslowdownand,attheveryleast,cleanhiswindshieldbeforemakinghiswaytotown.

Many people feel compassion for him and his plight, and any hardship henearlycausedthemisquicklyforgotten.Somepeopleevenoffertodrivehiminto town themselves, recognizing he’s in no fit state to be doingmuch ofanything,letalonegettingbackbehindthewheelofatwo-tonlethalmissile.

What’slessobvioustomostpeopleisthattheexactsamethingisgoingoninprettymuchanyscenarioinlifewherewefeellostorstuck:

We’re‘drivingblind,’tryingtofindourwayforwardbylisteningtopeopleshoutingdirectionsatusinsteadofslowingdownandlettingthewindshieldofourmindclearsowecanseethewayforwardforourselves.

We’re‘spinningourwheels’inthemudofcircumstances,alternatingbetweentryingtoblastourwayoutbyrevvingourengineandgivingupindespairaswefindourselvesstuckeverdeeperinthemuck.

We’regoingfasterandfastertomeettheneedsandwantsofothers,evenwhenwemightdoirreparabledamagetoourbodyintheprocess.

Andthisistheinherentproblemwitheventhebestadvice:

Untilweregainourbearings,wecan’tuseit;onceweregainourbearings,wedon’tneedit.

BEINGONLINE

Regardlessofourpersonalitiesandpersonalhistories,weallhavewithinusadeeperessencethat’suntouchedbyconditioningandcircumstances.Wecouldcallthispartofus‘thelightwithin’or‘theinnerflame’andit’sthesourceofour fundamental sense of inspiration, crackle, and aliveness. Some of myclientshavecalledittheir‘twinkle’–thesparkoflifeinsidethemthatappearsasatwinkleintheeyeontheoutside.

ThisinnerglowismadeofpureConsciousness,butwhenwegetcaughtupinthe dream of thought, we get cut off from it.Most of us don’t notice thisdisconnectionat first,exceptasavaguesenseofsomethingnotbeingquiteright.Work just isn’t as fulfilling as it oncewas, our partner isn’t quite ashandsomeorbeautifulorlovingaswethoughttheywere,anddon’tevengetusstartedonwhatmightbewrongwithus…

Because we’ve been conditioned from birth to believe in the myth of anoutside-inworld,weassumethepathbacktowell-beingandjoyandpeaceofmindmustbe throughgettingabetter joborabetterpartnerorworkingonbecomingabetterperson.Theironyisthattheharderweworkonchangingourselves in order to change thewaywe feel, themore distantwe becomefrom our true self, and the more important it seems to work on all thosethings,andthemorelostwebecome.

So,regardlessofwhat‘problem’wethinkwehave,ouronlyrealproblemisfeelingcutofffromourinnatewisdomandwell-being.Andthemomentwereconnecttothatsourceenergy,ourproblemsstopbeingsoproblematicandwemoveintoanewreality.

InmyLearningHowtoThriveretreats,Icallthisnaturalstateofconnectionto thewhole ‘beingonline.’ It’s the spaceof relative clarity andwell-beingwherewe have access to both our personal database of knowledge and thedeeperwisdomofMind.

When we’re online, we can be assured that whatever comes through us islikely tobeof use.At these times, intuitions and insights flow throughourmindlikegigabytesthroughadatacable.

Whenwe’reoffline,feelinguncomfortable,stressed,pressured,scared,orjustnumb,wegetcaughtupintryingtofigurethingsout,workthemthrough,oroverwhelmthemwithourbrilliance.

In simple terms, being online feels better – it’s that quieter, deeper feelingI’ve been pointing to throughout our time together. People describe it asclarity,contentment,happiness,ease,well-being,orevenpeace.Inthequietofthatdeeperfeeling,wecaneasilyhearthestillsmallvoicewithin.Thisisthe way our mind is designed to work – as a clear channel to our higherwisdom.

Here’sanexampleofhowatypicaldayinthelifemightplayoutfromthesetwodifferentlevelsofclarity:

Youwakeupinthemorningfeelingalittlebittired.Beforeyouleaveforwork,yourpartnerremindsyouinnouncertaintermsthatyouagreedtotakethekidstopracticeandrehearsalafterschool,althoughyou’reprettysurethatconversationneverhappened,andifithad,youwouldneverhaveagreedtoitinthefirstplace.

Assoonasyoulogontoyoure-mailatwork,you’refacedwiththreeurgentmessagesaboutthreecriticalprojects,eachsayingthatstrategicdecisionsneedtobemadebeforetheendofthedayifnotsooner.

Aquicklookatyourcalendarshowsacompletelyfullscheduleandyourealizethatyouwouldneedtostayatworkuntilnearlymidnighttogeteverythingdone(andthatdoesn’tincludeleavinginthemiddleoftheafternoontodriveyourkidsaround).

Howareyougoingtohandleit?

Ifyouactuncheckedinan‘offline’stateofmind,you’relikelytoturneachoneofyourdailydramas intoacrisis.Youandyourpartnerwillbeateachother’sthroatsoverthechildrenandyou’lleachbewonderinghowtheothercanbesoinconsiderate.Eachofyourworkcolleagueswillbecomethevillainasyoutrytoplaythehero,workingallthehoursGodsendstosavethedaywhile simultaneously bemoaning the fact that you’re surrounded byincompetents.

Now imagine being online and living through the exact same day. Yourecognizethatyourpartner’shavingabaddayandtheimpacttheir‘offline’stateofmindishavingontheircommunication.Theirtoneofvoiceandrolledeyeshavebecomenon-issuesby the timeyouget towork,andyoumakeamentalnotetocallthemlatertocheckinonhowthey’redoing.

Youlookpasttheurgencyinyourcolleagues’e-mailsandseewhichprojectsreallyneedtobeactedonimmediatelyandwhichwillkeepuntilthenextday

orevenlater.

Rather than try to force a decision if youdon’t knowwhat to do about thekids,youputthatoneonthebackburner,trustingthattheincredibleresourceof innatewisdomwillprovideyouwithananswerby the timeyouactuallyneedone.

Andyourecognizethatallyoucandofornowisallyoucandofornowanddon’tputadditionalpressureorstressonyourself toplay theheroandsavetheday.

When we’re online, we see that any situation can be handled through acombinationofcommonsenseandinsightfulaction.Anychangestobemadebecomeobvious,andwhilenotalwayseasy,remarkablystraightforward.Lifestopsseemingsooverwhelming,andtheworldstopsseeminglikeaproblemtobesolved.

Sohowdowedoit?Howdowegoonline?

Aswithsomanyofthethingswe’vebeendiscussing,there’snothingtodo:

Being‘online’isournaturalstate.

Wedon’tneedtoworryaboutlearningorpracticingtechniquestogetorstaythere,becausethemomentourmindclears,evenifit’sonlyforamoment,weautomaticallyreturntoourfactorydefault.

Understanding that we’ll always get back online when our thinking slowsdowntakesthepressureoff–it’snotuptoustomanageourstate.Thisallowsus to take advantage of our state ofmindwhen it’s high, stay in the gamewhen it’s low, and not waste much mental or physical energy trying tochange,control,or‘fix’itinbetweentimes.

Meanwhile,we’lldolessdamageintheworld.Inmyexperience,thisisoneof the most beneficial and least considered implications of the inside-outunderstanding–recognizingtheroleofThoughtincreatingexperiencemakesuslessinclinedtorunamokwhenwe’vegoneoffline.Insteadofblamingourjob, our partner, our kids, or the universe in general for our problems, werecognize that but for our thinking, we’d be having a completely differentperceptionandexperienceofour situation.Consequently, there’snothing tobedoneotherthanthebasicsofwhatneedsdoing.

GOODWILLHUNTING

One day Iwas talking to a youngmanwho’d dropped out of college as aresult of a depression that had gone on for several months. He was nowfeelingdoomedtoliveouttherestofhisyearsinmisery.WhenIaskedhimtocatalogwhathadactuallychangedinhislifeduringhismonthsofmalaise,heaskedmewhatImeant.

‘Well,didyoudropoutofschoolorgetkickedout?Thatis,ifyouwantedtore-enroll,couldyou?’

Hethoughtaboutitforafewmomentsandthenacknowledgedthathewouldbeabletogobackifhedecidedto.

‘Doyoustillhaveyourjob?’Iasked.

‘For now – they’ve letme know they’re unhappywith the drop-off inmyperformance, but so far they’re willing to wait for me to get back on mygame.’

‘Howaboutyourgirlfriend?Hassheleftyouyet?’Iasked,smiling.

Helookedatmeabitincredulously,thensmiledback.‘Forsomereason,’hesaidwryly,‘shestillseemstolikeme.’

‘Then,’Iconcluded,‘itseemstomethatalthoughyou’reabitworseforwear,yourlifeisstillinprettygoodshape.’

Asheregainedhisbearingsandfoundhiswaybackonline,hebecamemoreandmoregratefulforthefactthathehadn’tdonetoomuchdamagetohislifewhilestrugglingwithhisthoughtsandemotions.

***

One of the great ironies of the human condition is that we seem mostmotivated tomake dramatic changes at precisely themomentswhenwe’releastequipped todoso.Wegetangryandwant tochange theworld,but inour anger and frustrationwe alienate the verypeoplewho could help us toachieveouraims.Thenwefeelinsecureandaloneandthinkthatnowwouldbeagoodtimetosortthingsoutwithourpartnerorchildrenorfriends.

Infact,oneofthemostreliablewaystospotthatyou’vegoneofflineiswhen

you feelcompelled to takedramaticaction tochangeaperson, situation,orevenyourwholelife‘onceandforall.’

Thetruthisweallloseourbearingsfromtimetotime.Wegetcaughtupindark thoughts or a low mood and find the world a harsh and unforgivingplace. To the extent that we can see these times for what they are –momentaryorevenextendedperiodsofbeingofflineandoffourgame–wecanlimitthedamagewedotoourrelationships,ourcareer,andourlife.

Insteadof following throughon theseeminglyurgentdirectivesofourowninsecure thinking, we can instead step back and wait for our thoughts andfeeling level to rise. Then, whenwe go back online and are feeling ‘moreourselves,’wecanonceagaintrustourthinking,takeappropriateaction,andmoveforward.

Andwhenwe do,we thrive.We’remore gracefulwith our lows andmoregratefulforourhighs.Andinthatspaceofdeeperunderstanding,wegainadeeperrespectforthenatureoflifeandthegreatunfolding.

PUTTINGITALLTOGETHER

Inthenextchapter,we’lltakealookatthedeeperimplicationsoftheinside-outunderstandingforhowweapproachthegameoflifeandtheparadoxofresults.Butbeforewedo,hereareafewofthekeyideasfromthissection:

Theproblemwithadviceisthatuntilweregainourbearings,wecan’tuseit;onceweregainourbearings,wedon’tneedit.

Weallhavewithinusaninnerflame.ThisistheglowofpureConsciousness.

Being‘online’isournaturalstate.

Understandingthatwe’llgetbackonlinethemomentourthinkingslowsdownallowsustotakeadvantageofourstateofmindwhenit’shigh,stayinthegamewhenit’slow,andnotwastemuchmentalorphysicalenergytryingtochange,manage,control,or‘fix’itinbetweentimes.

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THEPARADOXOFRESULTS

‘Thegreatsourceofboththemiseryanddisordersofhumanlifeseemstoarisefromoverratingthedifferencebetweenonepermanentsituationandanother…Someofthesesituationsmay,nodoubt,deservetobepreferredtoothers,butnoneofthemcandeservetobepursuedwiththatpassionateardorwhichdrivesustoviolatetheruleseitherofprudenceorofjustice,ortocorruptthefuturetranquilityofourminds,eitherbyshamefromtheremembranceofourownfolly,orbyremorseforthehorrorofourown

injustice.’

AdamSmith

BeforeIgainedsomeinsightintotheinside-outnatureofexperience,Iusedtoassumethatconditionsandcircumstanceshadinherentemotionalfeelingsattached to them.Trading involatile financialmarketsorworking inanERwereinherentlyhigh-pressure,high-stressjobs.Gettingwhatyouwantwouldalwaysmakeyouhappy.Beingrichandthinmeantyouwouldbeconfident.

Because the creative power of Thought was largely invisible to me, Iattributedmyfeelings (andeveryoneelse’s) towhat Icouldseearoundme.And that innocent and seemingly innocuous misunderstanding is whatactuallyliesbeneathalmosteveryproblemwehaveinourlife.

Becausewethinkourhappinesscomesfromgettingwhatwewant,wepursueourgoalsatthecostofourrelationships,ourhealth,andourspiritualwell-being.Whenwegetwhatwewantandwe’restillnothappy,weassumetheproblemisthatwe’restillnotdoingenough,sowepushevenharderandendupevenfurtherawayfromtheexperienceofhappinessweactuallywant.

Becausewethinkthatoursadnesscomesfrombeingonourown,we

makeill-foundedchoicesaboutthepeoplewegetintorelationshipswith.Then,whenwethinkourangerandfrustrationarecomingfromourpartner,wetrytochangethemorswapthemforadifferentmodelinsteadoflookingtoThoughtasthesourceofourexperience.

Becausewethinkthatourfeariscausallylinkedtocertainlifecircumstances,wedoeverythingwecantoavoidand/orprotectourselvesfromthosecircumstances.

Yetthemomentweseethateveryfeelingisjusttheshadowofathought,westopbeingscaredofourfeelingsandjustfeelthem.

Webegintovalue‘negative’feelingsasmuchaspositiveonesfortheinsightstheygiveusintoourstateofmindandhowrealourrealityislookingtousatanygivenmoment.Andbecauselifedoesn’tlooksoscary,wedon’tworksohard tomake it fit the idealizedpictures inourhead.Werelaxandbegin toenjoyourselvesmore.We’refreetoexpressmoreofournaturalcreativityandwell-being.

Thisiswhyoneofthebiggestshiftsthatpeoplemakewhentheybeginseeingtheinside-outnatureofexperienceisfrombeingprimarilyresultsorientedtobeingmoreinnerdirected.It’snotthatresultsnolongermatter–it’sjustthatthoseresultsstopvalidatingorinvalidatingourvalueandworthintheworld.Ironically,this‘takeitorleaveit’attitudetowardresultsmakesiteasierthanevertocreatethem.

Whenwe take thepressureoffourselves toproduceresultsatanycost,andinsteadrestinourinnatewell-being,enjoyingourlife,followingourwisdom,and looking within for a deeper understanding of how it all works, thingsoftenseemstounfoldmorebeautifullythanwecouldeverhaveimagined.Westarttonoticeallsortsofsynchronicitiesandserendipities,andoutcomesthatmayhaveeludedusforyearsbegintohappenseemingly‘allbythemselves.’

Yet the moment the results we’ve been waiting for start to show up, webecome tempted to throw ourselves right back into the outside-in, action-oriented paradigm thatmakes creating specific results seem tomattermorethanouroverallexperienceofbeingalive.Ifwesuccumbtotheillusion,wetake ourselves out of the foundational, formless space from which thoseresultshavebeeneffortlesslycreated.

Andthisraisesaveryinterestingquestion:

Inaworldwheregettingwhatwewantmayormaynotleadtohappiness,

losingthebiggamedoesn’thavetohurt,andotherpeopledon’thavethepowertomakeushappyormiserable(evenifthey’rerelatedtous),howdo

weknowwhatcoursetosetinlife?

Since ‘there’ isn’t inherently better than ‘here,’ the direction we head inbecomesalmostasarbitraryashowlongwegiveourselvestogetthere.

Similarly,theideaofputtingpressureonourselvestostriveforourgoalsnowsothatwecanfeeltherushofreachingthemlaterisasbizarreandmisguidedalifestrategyashittingourselvesinthefacebecauseitfeelsgoodwhenwestop.

This points to what is perhaps our society’s most unproductive and ill-foundedbias:thenotionthathappinesscanonlycomeviasuccessandatthecostofstruggle,stress,andsacrifice.

Inotherwords,accordingtothispoorlyconceivedmathematicalequation:

Struggle+Stress+Sacrifice=Success=Happiness

or,tosimplifyitevenfurther:

Unhappiness=Success=Happiness

whichultimatelyleavesuswiththeoxymoronicformula:

Unhappiness=Happiness

Butwhenwebegin tosee thatwe’re theonesmakingup theconditionsforour own success and happiness and then doing our best to fulfill them, itopensupthepossibilityofplayingthegameinabrandnewway.

AWHOLENEWWAYOFBEINGINTHEWORLD

Whenourkidswereyounger,NinaandIwouldenjoygoingalongtowatchthemcompeteineverythingfrombaseballgamestosackracesattheschoolfair. The reason we enjoyed the competition was because it really didn’tmattertouswhetherourkidsdidwellorpoorlyorwhethertheywonorlost.Whentheydidwell,wewouldgo,‘Yaaaay–let’sgogetsomeicecream!’Iftheydidpoorly,wewouldsay,‘Awwwww–let’sgogetsomeicecream!’

One of themost significant implications of the inside-out understanding isthatbutforourthinking,there’snochallengeinlifethatcouldn’tbemetwiththesamelevelofjoyfulindifference.Andcontrarytoourculturalexpectation,that lack of self-generated pressure frees us up to perform at our best andenjoythegamefully.

Imaginethefollowingscenario:

You’reofferedajobworkingatacasino.Inordertoencourageotherpeopletoplay,you’repaid$500anighttogamblewiththehouse’smoney.You’regiven$50,000inchipsatthestartoftheevening;attheendofthenight,youturninwhateverchipsyouhaveleftandleavewithyour$500inyourpocket.

Whatwouldthatactuallybelike?Chancesareifyouwereabletoquadrupleyourmoney you’d be excited at the time, but at the end of the night, afterturning in your chips, you’d forget all about it. Similarly, if you lost it all,you’d likely be disappointed – until you remembered that it was all just agameandtherealpayoffwasalreadyinyourpocket.You’dplayfulloutandfearless both because you had nothing at stake and because it would beobvioustoyouthat,aswithmostthingsinlife,itisn’tactuallyuptoyouhowthings turn out. The fact is, some stuff just isn’t in the cards – for now.Sometimesyouwin,sometimesyoulose.That’swhatmakesitagame.

What would it be like to play the game of life with that same degree offearlessnessandfreedom,knowingthateverythingthatreallycounted–yourwell-being, happiness, love, and self-worth – was already yours to keep?Afterall,youwerebornwiththem,andtheonlythingthatcanevertakeyouawayfromthemisa thought.Youcangetnothingof trueand lastingvaluefrom playing the game of life thatwasn’t already yours before you startedplayingandwon’tcontinuetobeyoursafterthegameisdone.

Atthispoint,we’renolongerplayingtowin–inthedivinedreamoflife,theonly possible reason to play is to play. If you’ve ever seen a five year oldplayingagameofmake-believe,youknowtheythrowthemselvesintoitasiftheir livesdependedonitbecausetheyknowfullwell that their livesdon’t.Thesameistrueforus.

Except on those extremely rare occasionswhenour life (as opposed to ourlivelihood) might actually be on the line, we’re playing with the house’smoney.Contrarytothewayitappearsfromtimetotimeintheillusionofourthinking,there’snothingrealatstake.Andtheonlythingwehavetoloseistheillusionthatsomethingoutsideuscanmakeushappy,safe,andsecure.

Formyself,I’vefoundthattherewardsofaninner-directedlifelived(mostly)fromaplaceofwell-beingfaroutweightheshort-termgainsofa‘resultsatany cost’mentality.Either I have awonderful life anddrive aPorscheor Ihaveawonderfullifeandrideabicycle–eitherway,Ikeepshowingupeachdayandplaying.Becausebeingaliveisthebestgameintown.

HUMILITYMADEFUN

One day Iwas sittingwith a clientwhowas tellingme about his businessstruggles, andhow the stressandpressurehewas feelingwere leaking intootherareasofhislife.Outofnowhere,aquestionthatatfirstseemedtoorudetovoicepoppedintomyhead:‘Whyaren’tyouawesomer?’

Itwassuchadirectquestionthatitmademesmile,andwhenmyclientaskedmewhatIwassmilingaboutItoldhimandheaskedmewhatImeant.

‘I’m not sure,’ I confessed, ‘but I thinkwhat Imean is this: you’re a verysuccessfulguy,soIknowyou’reat theveryleastcapableofhardworkanddeliveringonwhatyoupromise.You’rewelleducated,soIknowyourbrainworks just fine, and I’ve been around you long enough to know you’resocially intelligent as well. But somehow you’re acting as though you nolongerhaveaccesstothesameresourcesthathavegottenyouthisfarinlife.AndIdon’tmind,butit’scurioustome…’

Webothsatwith that thought forawhile,andhesharedsomeof thedoubtsthathadcreptintohismindashe’dstruggledtokeephisbusinessafloatoverthepastcoupleofyears–thoughtslikeWhatifmysuccesswasjustafluke?andWhatifmytimehaspassed?

Rather than address those questions directly, I took us back into aconversationabout thenatureof thehumanexperience.Wetalkedabout thenatureofThought,andhoweveryoneexperiencestheirthinkingasthoughit’sreal.This tookus intoacontemplationof the formlessenergyoutofwhichthoughtandeveryformarisesanddissipates,andwebothgotprettyquiet.

Finally,heaskedme,‘WhydoyouthinkI’mnotawesomer?’

Ireflectedforafewmoments,andthensharedwhatcametome.

‘I think it’s because somewhere along the line, howyouwere doing in lifestarted toseemveryrealandsignificant,and thatwasascary thought,as itwouldbeforanyone.Andbecauseitlookedsorealandimportant,youstartedtothinkthatyouneededthingstobeacertainwayinordertomanageyourfear.And if allyourattention is focusedon trying tocontrol theworld, it’sreallydifficulttostaytunedintoyourdeeperguidanceandwisdom,whichiswhereallour“awesomeness”comesfrominthefirstplace.’

I shared with my client that life had been kicking my ass a bit over thepreviousfewweeks.Itwasnothingmajorandnothingirreversible,butsomethings I’d thoughtwere done had come undone and I’d suffered through acouple of days of self-pity before recognizing that Iwas a bit out of touchwithreality.

ThingshadbeengoingsowellforsolongthatI’dforgottenhowlittlecontrolIactuallyhadoverhowtheyturnedout.Withoutevennoticing,I’dbeguntoaccept good things happening as my birthright and to expect deferentialtreatmentfromauniversethatmightnotevenhaveknownIexisted.Ifoundtherealitycheckquiterefreshing.

At that point, something that SydBanks once said about humility came tomind:

‘Humilityisn’tthinkinglessofyourself;it’sthinkingofyourselfless.’

In thissense,humility ishumanity. It’snothing todowithhighor lowself-esteem;it’saboutrecognizingthefactthatwe’reoneofsixbillionwavesintheoceanoflife,eachnomoreorlessimportantthananyother.

Withoutmyhavingtodoanythingaboutit,thesuncomesupinthemorningand thestars twinkleatnight.Before I’veevengottenoutofbed, theEarthhasspunathirdofthewayrounditsaxisandsixbillionpeoplehavedonethebesttheyknowtodotoincreasetheirhappinessandmitigatetheirsuffering.

And since I’mnot in charge, I get to relax and enjoy the ride.Rather thancowerinrecognitionofmyownweaknessandevenhelplessnessinthefaceof forces far greater thanmy own, I’m set free. Free to appreciatemy lifewhenthingsaregoingmywayandtohandle themwithgracewhenthey’renot.FreetoloveandcontributetopeoplewhentheybehavethewayIwantthemtoandtocontinuetoloveandcontributetothemwhentheydon’t.Freetogoout and create the life Iwantwhen things seemeasy and free and tocontinuetomoveinthatdirectionorevengiveupandgobacktothedrawingboardwhentheyseemhard.

Andintheend,thatseemstometobethecoreofallourdesires:thefreedomtobeabletoenjoyourlifeandbeacontributiontothewholeinsicknessandinhealth, for richeror forpoorer,asbestwecan foras longaswe’rehere.Howthingsultimatelyturnoutisn’tuptous.Itneverwas.Butifwedoourbitandplayourpart,it’sremarkablehowfarwecango.

Isharedallthiswithmyclientandthenwesatinsilenceforawhile,enjoying

thedeeperfeelingthatcomeswhencontemplatingthedeepernatureoflife.

‘That’sprettyawesome,’hesaid.

AndIhadtoagreethatitwas.

PUTTINGITALLTOGETHER

Inourfinalchaptertogether,we’llexplorethefarsideofempowermentandtakeawalkalongthepathofthesoul.Inthemeantime,hereareafewofthekeyideasfromthischapter:

Themomentweseethateveryfeelingisjusttheshadowofathought,westopbeingscaredofourfeelingsandjustfeelthem.

We’replayingwiththehouse’smoney.There’snothingrealatstake.Theonlythingwehavetoloseistheillusionthatsomethingoutsideuscanmakeushappy,safe,andsecure.

Whenyou’replayingtoplay,beingaliveisthebestgameintown.

Humilityisn’tthinkinglessofyourself;it’sthinkingofyourselfless.

Howthingsultimatelyturnoutisn’tuptous.Itneverwas.Butifwedoourbitandplayourpart,it’sremarkablehowfarwecango.

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BEYONDEMPOWERMENT

‘Ourfreewillcanhinderthecourseofinspiration,andwhenthefavourablegaleofGod’sgraceswellsthesailsofoursoul,itisinourpowertorefuseconsentandtherebyhindertheeffectofthewind’sfavour;butwhenourspiritsailsalongandmakesitsvoyageprosperously,itisnotwewhomakethegaleofinspirationblowforus,norwewhomakeoursails

swellwithit,norwewhogivemotiontotheshipofourheart;butwesimplyreceivethegale,consenttoitsmotionandletourshipsailunderit,not

hinderingitbyourresistance.’

St.FrançoisdeSales

Iwas speakingwith a client oncewhowas very concerned aboutwhat shedescribedasherinabilityto‘accessGod’swisdom’whileworkingthroughavarietyofchallenges inherbusinessandpersonal life.She toldme thatshehadabumperstickeronhercar that read‘GodismyCo-pilot’and thatshealways turned to a higher power for support. Most of the time, she feltincrediblysupported.Butintimesofrealneedandcrisis,shestruggledtofeelthatconnectionorheartheguidance.

Sowe talkedabouthowwhenweget caughtup in themachinationsof theintellect it becomes considerably more difficult to hear the whispers of adeeperintelligence.

Isharedthestoryofacomedianwho’dcalledmeinfor‘emergencycoaching’before his first gig in front of thousands of people.While I knew he washoping for some emotional management tools around confidence andcharisma,whatwoundupresolvingthesituationforhimwaswhenIpointedoutthathisownthoughtsaboutitbeinga‘reallybiggig’weretheonlythingsstandinginthewayofhisnaturalconfidenceandcharisma.

Myclientand I thenwenton to talkabout thedifferencebetween trying touseguidancetofulfillyourpersonalgoalsandallowingyourselftobeguidedto fulfill your role in the unfolding of life.We both enjoyed exploring thedifferencebetweenchasingafterthewhimsanddesiresofthepersonalityandbeingguidedbytheinspirationofthesoul.

It remindedme of one ofmy favorite stories aboutAbrahamLincoln, firstrecountedinthesermondeliveredathisfuneralandnodoubtdistortedintheretellingovertheyears.AttheheightoftheAmericanCivilWar,whenthingswere looking bleak for the Union, one of Lincoln’s generals concluded abattleplanningmeetingbysaying,‘LetushopethatGodisonourside!’

Lincoln apparently respondedwith great feeling, ‘No,General, let us hopethatweareonGod’sside.’

This tookusback tosomeof thefundamentalquestionsabout thenatureofthehumanexperiencewe’vebeenexploringinthisbook:

Howmuchinfluencedoweactuallyhaveoverourownlife?

Doesfreewillmeanthatwe’reresponsibleforeverythingthathappenstous,ordoesitonlyextendasfarasourresponsesandreactionstowhathappens?

Howdoweknowthatwe’replayingourpartinthegreatunfoldingoflife?

Thesearequestionsfortheages,andwhileIlaynogreatclaimtothe‘right’answers, I did suggest to my client that she might consider getting a newbumpersticker,onethatread‘IamGod’sCo-pilot.’

AfewweekslaterIwasteachingacoachingprogramandoneofthestudents,an officer candidate in the armed forces, was expressing his concern thatdespitehisconsiderableefforts, at theageof22hehadnotyetbecome themanhewantedtobeorchangedtheworldinthewayhethoughtitoughttobechanged.EachattemptImadetopointouthowwellitseemedtomethathewasdoingwasdoggedlyarguedwithevidencethatprovedonlyhowhighhe’dsetthebar.

I finally abandoned my perhaps misguided attempts at reassurance andpointed out the deeper truth. ‘You’re not the pilot on this mission,’ I said.‘You’retheplane.’

THEPATHOFTHESOUL

Ispentthefirst25yearsorsoofmylifeasareasonablysuccessfulvictim.Attimes, the apparent unfairness of life would get me down, and I nearlydrownedinaseaofwhatInowknowtohavebeendodgybrainchemistry.AsIslowlygotmybearings,Ididmybesttofightbackagainstthevictimvoiceinsidemyheadwithacacophonyofplansandschemesdesignednotsomuchtocreate things in theworldas to takemeawayfrommyownunhappinessandinsecurity.

Someofthoseplansandschemesactuallyworkedout,andinspiteofmyownworsteffortsImetthegirlofmydreams,gotajobonatelevisionsitcominWales,andlearnedthatsometimesacan-doattitudeactuallycanpayoff.

Ibegantostudythepersonalempowermentandsuccessliteratureinearnest,and for the next ten years or so I set higher and higher goals and evenachievedsomeofthem.Sure,Iwasstressedashell,butI’dlearnedto‘manup,’broadenmyshouldersandtakeit.

Tobetterunderstandthispath,imagineacontinuumgoingfromlefttoright:

Ontheleft-handsideofthecontinuumweseeourselvesashelplessvictimsofcircumstance.There’snotmuchpointinsettingadirectioninlifebecausewebelievethatwehavenochoiceaboutwhattodo–wehavetostaymarriedorget divorced, keepworking at the samedead-end jobor leave immediately,allowourselvestobebulliedor‘defendourhonor’byfightingbackateveryimaginedslight.

Butaswebecomemoreconsciousofour role increatingourexperienceoflife,werealizethatwearen’treallyhelplessvictimsandwebegintoseethateveninthedirestcircumstanceswedohavesomechoices,althoughwemaynotparticularlylikeanyoftheoneswe’recurrentlyabletosee.

Thefurtherwegotowardtherightofthecontinuum,themoreempoweredwefeel and themore choiceswebecomeawareof untilwe realize that in anysituation we have a nearly infinite range of choices. There are not onlyinnumerable actions we could take (though some of them may take greatcourage), butwe also have choices about our attitude and themeaningweascribetowhateveritisthat’shappening.

Thiswouldseemtobethepinnacleofpossibilityontheempoweredpathoflife:

Victim CreatorFear CourageNoChoice Choice

Comparedwiththequietdesperationofbeingavictim,thetestosteronesurgeof empowerment felt amazing. I set my direction, planned my work, andworkedmyplan.YetinthebackofmymindIknewsomethingwasoff.Iwasbeginningtomeetwithsomeextraordinarilysuccessfulpeople.Manyofthemwerejustlikeme–happyandconfidentwhenthingsweregoingwell;pettyand desperate when they weren’t. We wore masks of arrogance orindifferencetohideaheadfullofinsecurityandfear.

ButsomepeopleImetseemedtobeonadifferentpath,eventhoughtheyhadmanyofthesamethingsthatIwasworkingsohardtoachieve.AsIlookedtosee what was different about them, I realized they were following innerwisdominsteadofoutergoals.Theystillwoundupgettingsomewhereinthegame of life. It’s just that it didn’t matter so much to them where thathappenedtobe.

Instead of striving to be the predominant creative force in their lifethemselves, they delighted in being conduits for a creative force – theprincipleofMind– that existed farbeyond theconsciousnessof the fragileego-mind. In short, they allowed their life to unfold from a place ofconnectionwithadeeperwisdomthatseemstobeaninnatepartofthehumanpotential.

Thisopenedupanewpossibilityforhowtoliveintheworld:

Victim Creator ConduitFear Courage InsightNoChoice Choice NoChoice

Icall thisenlightenedapproach‘thepathof thesoul’becauseI’veobservedthat themoment someone begins to follow their inner promptings and liveinsightfully in the moment, their life begins to unfold with a beauty and

perfectionthattheirownbest-laidplansneverseemedtohave.It’sasiftheirownsoulisdesigningtheperfectpathandlayingitoutinfrontofthem,onedailybrickatatime.

Whenwebegintoseetheillusionofourthinkingmoreclearly,werealizethatin a world where our experience is being created from the inside out,masteringthecircumstancesofourlifeistheboobyprize.Thatdoesn’tmeanwemightnotwindupwithabighouseoranicecar–there’snothingwrongwithtappingintotheabundanceoftheuniverseiftheopportunitycomesourway.It’sjustthatwe’reunlikelytospendtoomuchtimechasingthedreamofsuccesswhenwe’reawaketothedreamoflife.

Oncewestarttorecognizethefeelingofourinnatewisdom,werealizethatwhenitcomestosettingourdirectioninlife,wedon’treallyhavethatmuchofachoiceafterall.Thisisn’tbecausewe’vegonebacktobeingvictims,butratherbecausewe’reprettymuchalwaysgoingtogowherethatinnerwisdomdirects us. Not because we ‘have to,’ but because not going where theintelligencebehindlifewantstotakeuswouldbeself-defeatingandalittlebitsilly.

Tohighlight thedifferencebetween trying tomake thingshappenas a self-empoweredindividualandopeninguptothecreativeguidanceofMindasapart of the great unfolding, consider the analogy of a sailboat. Trying to‘make things happen’ in your life is like trying to make the boat moveforwardbyblowingintothesails.It’snotthatyoucan’tgetanywhere–it’sthatyoutendtoexhaustyourselfintheprocessandmissoutonalotofwhat’sgoingonoutsideyourboat.

Bywayofcontrast,allowingtheenergyoflifetoguideyouislikeallowingthe wind to fill your sails and propel you forward. If you’ve ever had thefeelingofsomethingcoming‘through’youinsteadof‘from’you,youknowwhatthewindfeelslike.Weexperienceitasinspiration,orflow,orbeinginthezone.Wemakemoreprogressinafewhoursof inspiredactionthanwedidinmonthsofhardworkandstruggle.

Afriendofminewhospentmanyyearsasapriestbeforeturninghishandtoadifferentkindofspiritualteachingsharedasimilaranalogywithme:

‘Nomatterhowhardasurferworks,theoceanisdoingmostoftheheavylifting.’

And this, for me, is the limitation of the empowered approach to life.Empowerment asks us to be a ‘force of nature,’ not recognizing that the

operantpowerbehindanyforceofnatureisnatureitself.Thisistheessenceofthepathofthesoul:

Whenyouallowadeeperwisdomtocomethroughyou,thatdeeperwisdominevitablycomesthrough.

THEREPAIROFTHEWORLD

One of my favorite teaching stories comes from the world of Jewishmysticism:

Inthebeginning,therewasonlyGod.ButGoddecidedtocreatetheworldbywithdrawinghisdivinelightandpouringitintospeciallypreparedvessels.

Unfortunately,asGodpouredhislightintothevessels,theyshattered,sendingsparksofGod’sdivinelightandshardsofthevesselstoeverycornerofcreation.

OurgreattaskistoassistGodbygatheringthedivinesparksbacktogetherandrestoringthevesseltowholeness.UntilallthesparksofGod’slightaregatheredbacktogether,theworkofcreationwillnotbecomplete.Thistaskiscalled‘TikunOlam’–therepairoftheworld.

I’verealizedthatthisiswhatIlovedoing–findingthesparkofdivinelightinsidepeople,fanningthatspark,andwatchingandwitnessingastheir livesburst into flame.This inner spark isour essentialnatureand, asSydBankspointedoutrepeatedly,it’snevermorethanonethoughtaway.

ForeverythingthatIdon’tknowabouttheworld,thereareafewthingsthatIdo, and first and foremost amongst these is that the divine light is alwaysshininginsideusanditswarmthisinthefeeling,notthewords.

We can get so caught up in trying to remember to live by thewisdom andinsightsofothersthatweforgetthesourceofthatwisdomisinsideusaswell.Insightsareapartofthefactorydefault,thenaturalside-effectsoflivingwitha relatively quiet mind and a relatively beautiful feeling. If you forgeteverything we’ve talked about in this conversation but you stay with thefeeling,theinsightswillcontinuetounfoldforyou.

Andwhile the inside-out unfolding of the path of the soul is certainly lesspredictablethantheoutside-inarchitectureoftheempoweredone,itis,inmyexperiencesofar,thepathmostinlinewiththekindnessofthedesign.

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EPILOGUE:THELIFECOACHANDTHEMIGHTYTREE

‘Whatyouleavebehindisnotwhatisengravedinstonemonuments,butwhatiswovenintothelivesofothers.’

Pericles

Oneday,whilesittingwithmybackagainstthetrunkofamassivetreeinmygarden,IfellasleepanddreamedthatIwassittingwithmybackagainstthetrunkofamassive tree inmygarden.Muchtomysurprise, itaskedmeforsomecoaching.

‘Iamamightytree,’itbegan,‘andI’msomewhatembarrassedtoadmitthatafewofmyleaveshavebeguntofalltotheground.Thethingis,Ican’taffordtolosemyleaves.WhatwillpeoplethinkofmeifIgobald?They’llseemeas naked and weak and frail. I’m not sure I can go on if it means goingthroughsuchadifficultordeal.’

‘But, tree,’ I replied, ‘surely youmust realize that this is just a part of theseasonsof life.Eachautumnyou loseyour leaves– that’swhywehumanscall it “fall.” And come spring you’ll grow new leaves and return morebeautifulthanever.’

‘How can you say such things with such certainty?’ said the tree (whoobviouslyhadn’treadmybooks).‘Areyousomekindofpsychicorfortune-teller?’

‘No,tree,I’mnotpsychic–I’msimplyanobserveroflife.AndI’venoticedthenaturalcyclethatalltreesofyourkindgothrough.Infact,everywhereIlookinnatureIseethesamekindofpre-existingintelligenceatworkbehindthescenes.’

‘You’renot talkingaboutGod,areyou?’askedthe tree.‘I’mnotsure thatIwanttogetintoadiscussionaboutGodwithahuman.’

‘Neither do I, tree – neither do I.When I say “pre-existing intelligence,” Imeantheimplicateorderofthings.Asyouknow,acornsnevergrowintopinetreesandbabyrabbitsnevergrowuptobegrizzlybears.Somehow,thefruitisalreadyprogrammedintotheseed.Wehumanscanobservethatintelligenceatwork in our body. Themomentwe get cut, the intelligence of the bodybeginstheprocessofhealing.Everythingthebodydoesisdesignedtoreturnitself to a state of natural health and equilibrium. There’s an intelligencebehindourmindaswell.Themomentwethinkatoxicthought,wegetatoxicfeeling as awarning signal not to proceed too far down that path.Healthythoughts produce healthy feelings, letting us know that we’re heading in ahealthy direction. This inner compass guides us back to a state of naturalmentalhealthandequilibrium. In this state,wehaveaccess toanotherwisehiddenwisdomthatwillguideusifweletit.’

‘Thenwhyistheresomuchwar,andcruelty,andunrestinyourworld?’thetreeasked.‘Surelythat’sproofthatnosuchwisdomexists.’

‘Unfortunately,noteveryoneyetunderstands the inside-outnatureof realityandthesimpleintelligencebehindthesystem,sothere’sstillalotofmentalinstabilityintheworld.Butitseemstomethefact thatnomatterhowlongpeoplehavesufferedthey’renevermorethanonethoughtawayfrompeaceisproofofthekindnessofthedesign.’

The tree stared down at me inscrutably, as if it could hold its pose for athousandyearswithoutwavering.Finally,itspoke.

‘Butevenif thiswisdomandintelligenceexists, it isnot infallible.Humansdie,andsodotrees.Ifthereis,asyousay,a“kindnesstothedesign,”howdoyouexplaindeath?’

Itwasmyturntostarebackupatthetree.

‘I can’t explain it,’ I responded honestly. ‘But I can observe it and see theimpersonal nature of it.And somehow seeing that it’s a part of the naturalcycle for everyone and everything suggests tome that even death, at somelevelthatIcan’tyetsee,isapartoftheimplicateorder.Perhapsinsomewayit’sevenapartofthekindnessofthedesign.’

Wesatquietlytogether,thetreeandI,feelingconnectednotonlybymybackagainstitstrunkbutbyadeeperbondofsharedcontemplationandmortality.

Our conversation is ongoing. Themore I look in this direction, themore IrealizehowlittleIsee.Butsomehow,thelittleIseemakesmylifebetterand

better…

Withallmylove,

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RESOURCES

Asisalwaysthecasewhenarevolutiontakesholdinanyfield,thenumberofavailableresourcesincreasesatanexponentialrate.WhileIwillsharemanyof the resources I found most helpful in my own research and immersionbelow, for a more comprehensive and up-to-date list you can visit:www.supercoach.com/ior/resources

SYDBANKS

Syd’s books, audios, and videos are deceptively simple (or deceptivelycomplex, dependingonyour stateofmindwhenyou first encounter them).Consequently, I recommend going through them multiple times. With theexceptionofTheMissingLink,allofhisbooksarewritteninparableform.

Books

SecondChance

InQuestofthePearl

TheMissingLink:ReflectionsonPhilosophyandSpirit

TheEnlightenedGardener:ANovel

TheEnlightenedGardenerRevisited:AWiseOldGardenerTeachesLife’sPrinciplesofMind,Consciousness,andThought

DearLiza

Audio

Attitude:UsingtheThreePrinciplestoDealwithStress&Insecurity

TheGreatSpirit:ReflectionsonNorthAmericanSpirituality

OneThoughtAway:SydBanksatTampaCrossroads

WhatisTruth?

DVD

TheHawaiiLectures:SecrettotheMind;OnenessofLife;ThePowerofThought;GoingHome

TheLongBeachLectures:TheGreatIllusion;TruthLiesWithin;TheExperience;JumpingtheBoundaries

TheWashingtonLectures:TheThreePrinciples;SeparateRealities

While Syd died in 2009, his website (www.sydneybanks.org) has beenmaintainedandcontainssomeshortvideoclipsandfurtherinformationabouthismaterials.

GEORGEPRANSKY

MuchofGeorge’sworkwas only available to private clients until recently,buthehasproduceddozensofaudioscoveringavastarrayofapplications.I’velistenedtoandenjoyedallofthem–I’velistedasmallsamplingofmyfavoritesbelow:

Books

TheRelationshipHandbook:ASimpleGuidetoSatisfyingRelationships

TheRenaissanceofPsychology(currentlyoutofprint)

Audio

BusyMind:HowYourMentalSpeedAffectsYourLife

TheGameofLifeandLiving:TheInterfaceofInnerCalmandOuterWorldAchievement

Investmentvs.Involvement:TwoIndependentAspectsofLife

LeveragingtheHumanDimensioninBusiness:DiscovertheMostImportantVariableInHumanPerformance

Maintenance-FreeRelationships:HowtoImproveYourRelationshipwithout‘Workingonit’

SomeFun,NoFun,AllFun:TheKeytoUnlockingYourEnjoymentinLife

YoucanfindallofGeorge’sproductsalongwithanumberofnewprogramsfeaturing his wife, Linda, and his daughters, Kara and Erika, atwww.pranskyandassociates.com

MICHAELNEILL

I offer a number of ways to go deeper in the inside-out understanding,including one-on-one coaching, mentoring and supervision, multimediaprograms, small group retreats, and an international certification-basedcoachingprogram.

Forafulllistingofourcurrentofferings,pleasevisitwww.supercoach.com

If you are interested in professional training, please visitwww.supercoachacademy.com

ADDITIONALRESOURCES

Books

Everyfewmonths,newbookscomeoutthataddresssomeaspectofthethreeprinciples and the inside-out understanding. As well as those by Syd andGeorge,theonesIfindmyselfrecommendingmostofteninclude:

Clarity:ClearMind,BetterPerformance,BiggerResults,JamieSmart(Capstone,2013)

OurTrueIdentity…ThreePrinciples,ElsieSpittle(CreateSpaceIndependentPublishingPlatform,2010)

SomebodyShouldHaveToldUs!:SimpleTruthsforLivingWell,JackPransky(CCBPublishing,2011)

Stillpower:ExcellencewithEaseinSportsandLife,GarretKramer(BeyondWordsPublishing,2012)

TheWisdomWithin,byRogerMillsandElsieSpittle(LonePinePublishing,2001)

Websites

Hereare threeof themost active sites currentlyoperatingasportals toTheThreePrinciplescommunity:

www.threeprinciplesmovies.com

Afantasticresourcepackedwithhundredsofvideointerviewswithmostofthemajorteachersandpractitionersfromaroundtheworld.

www.3PGC.com

Anon-profitorganizationcommittedtobringinganunderstandingofTheThreePrinciplestopeoplethroughouttheworld,offeringblogsandwebinarsfromavarietyofteachers.

www.tikun.co.uk

AJewishorganizationthathasdoneaphenomenaljobofmakingTheThreePrinciplesavailabletopeoplefromallwalksoflifeandinclusiveofallfaithsandbackgrounds.

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ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

Writingabookissomewhatuniquelybothacompletelysolitaryendeavorandsomethingthat’sutterlyimpossiblewithoutagreatteamaroundyou.Towritethisbookinparticular,Ihadtofirstgivemyselfpermissiontoupsetanumberof people I care about in order to ensure the words came through ‘clean,’untaintedbymyunenlighteneddesiretopleaseeveryoneandoffendno-one.However, after the manuscript was written, I gave it to six people whoseopinionsIvalueandtrust–anengineer,aspiritualteacher,abusinessman,apsychiatrist, a psychologist, and an editor. My deepest gratitude to DavidGlazer,ClarenceThomson,DonDonovan,Dr.BillPettit,Dr.GeorgePransky,andLizzieHutchins.Withouttheirdirect,honest,andwildlyvariedfeedback,thebookyou’vejustreadwouldhavebeenaverydifferentcreatureindeed.

I’dliketoacknowledgeeveryonewhohastakenthetimetoteach,coach,andmentorme in deepeningmy understanding of the inside-out paradigmoverthepastsixyears,includingJosephBailey,DickenBettinger,KeithBlevens,CherylBond,CathyCasey,RobinCharbit,ChipChipman,JanChipman,DonDonovan, Mara Gleason, Mark Howard, Robert Kausen, Sandy Krot, KenManning, Kristen Mansheim, Gabriela Maldonado-Montano, Leslie Miller,Ami Mills-Naim, Valda Monroe, Jack Pransky, Linda Pransky, Bill Pettit,JudithSedgeman,ElsieSpittle,andAaronTurner.

ExtraspecialthankstoSydBanks,whoseinsightsopenedupanewworldtome, and George Pransky, for inspiring my journey and then becoming myguide,friend,andmentoralongtheway.

Totranslateideasandinsightsintoabookthatgoesoutintotheworldtakesateam,andIhavebeenblessedwithamightyone:

TerriCareyandJoeAlamo,themagicalelveswhotakemymadramblingseachweekandturnthemintotips,webpages,andprogramswhileIsleep.Withoutyou,Iwouldn’tevenattempttodotheworkIdo.

RobertKirby,myamazingagent,whoteasedtheideaforthisbookout

ofmyheadoveraglassofwhiskeyandawonderfulmeal.

LizzieHutchins,myintrepideditor,whotookamonthandahalftopaymeacomplimentwithouteverlettingmedoubtthatshewasfirmlyonmyside.

MichellePilley,MargareteNielsen,andReidTracy,whosebeliefinmeneverwaveredevenwhenmybeliefinmyselfwasridingtherollercoasterofthought.

TheamazingeditorialandsupportteamatHayHouse,withspecialthankstoAmyKiberd,JulieOughton,RuthTewkesbury,andSteveWilliams.

RandyStuart,adesignerwhoappearedinmylifeoutofnowhereanddeliveredexactlywhatwasneeded.That’swhatangelsdo–justsaying!

Myclients,readers,listeners,andstudentshaveinmanywaysbeenmybestteachers,helpingmetohonemyexpressionoftheseprinciplesintosomethingthatcanbeunderstoodandgraspedatdeeperanddeeperlevels.Mygratitudetoall,withspecialmentiontoloyalreadersoftheweeklytips(12yearsandgoing strong!), avid listeners of HayHouse Radio, students of SupercoachAcademy,andthosewho’veallowedmetomentorthemoverthepast5years,includingAliCampbell,EleseCoit,MaggieGilewicz,AndersHaglund,FionaJacob,MartinJarnland,KajenKanagasabai,RichLitvin,BevinLynch,ToniMcGuinness, DonaldMcNaughton, SusanMotheral, Richard Nugent, BarbPatterson,ClaireShutes,JamieSmart,JayneStyles,andSueTrinder.

IdecidedyearsagothatifIhadtochoose,Iwouldsacrificebusinesssuccessfor friends and family, and it’s a credit tomy friends and family that I’veneverhadtomakethatchoice.Allmyloveandthanksto:

DavidBeeler–mybestfriendforover25years.We’vewalkedmorethan10,000milestogether(literally)andyou’vealwaysbeenthefirsttosignuptoplayguineapigtowhatevermadexperimentornewideaIwanttotryout.

PaulMcKenna–myotherbrother.You’vemadethejourneymorefunthanIhadanyrighttoexpectorhopefor.

Oliver,Clara,andMaisy–thebestchildrenintheworld.SpendingtimewithyouislikehavingacuddlewithGod.

Andlast,butbynomeansleast,toNina–nomatterhowmanytimesI

disappearintomyhead,youarealwayswaitingformewhenIre-emerge.Iamtrulyblessedtohaveyouasmywife.

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ABOUTTHEAUTHOR

Photographer:DavidBeeler

MichaelNeill is an internationally renowned transformative coach and thebestsellingauthorofYouCanHaveWhatYouWant,Supercoach,FeelHappyNow!, and both the Effortless Success and Coaching from the Inside-Outaudio programs.He has spent the past 23 years as a coach, adviser, friend,mentor,andcreativesparkplugtocelebrities,CEOs,royalty,andpeoplewhowanttogetmoreoutofthemselvesandtheirlives.HeisthealsothefounderofSupercoachAcademy,aninternationalschoolthatteachespeoplehowtocoachfromtheinsideout.

Michael’sbookshavebeentranslatedinto13languages,andhispublictalks,retreats, and seminars have touched and transformed lives at the UnitedNationsandonfivecontinentsaroundtheworld.HehostsaweeklytalkshowonHayHouseRadio.com,andhisweeklyblogscanbereadonhiswebsiteandTheHuffingtonPost.

YoucanfollowhimonFacebookandTwitter:

www.facebook.com/mneill

www.twitter.com/michael_neill

www.supercoach.com

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