How to prepare yourself

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    How to prepare yourself for a big cricket match

    copyrightganpySaturday, March 26, 2011

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    A step-by-step guide for an Indian Cricket fan

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Preface:A world cup cricket match involving India means a lot to a nation of billion people. More so, when it is a world cup match and even more so when it is a semi-final match. The most so part of it is when it involves playing Pakistan..So on the eve of the big match on the 30th of March, 2011, we have decided to help you, theIndian cricket fans, to prepare for the game in the most effective way, so that the game can be enjoyed in the comforts of your living room with minimum incidents...

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 1: Physical appearanceYes. Strange as it may sound, Appearance is very important for a big game. So get your best outfits out, even if it involves Ganesha Halloween costumes & left over Behr paints. Team shirts help but not necessary.Shave even if Munaf and Sreesanth dont.Caution: Your outfit should be able to handle some accidents as there will be times when you wont be able to answer natures call during the course of the game.

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 2: Mental ToughnessIt is very important to get your mind in shape before the game. 5 days may not be long enough. But you got to do what you can. Toughening up is crucial.For the next 5 nights, spend a few hours each night, watching a few horror videos. This helps you deal with nightmares that could last a lifetime. Some suggestions: Ind-Pak 1986 Australasia cup final, Ind-Pak 1986 Australasia cup final and Ind-Pak 1986 Australasia cup final

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 3: Food and DrinksIn order to get familiar with the psyche of opposition cricket team, you,the Indian cricket fan should be ready to make some sacrifices during the days preceding the match. For starters, get yourself familiar with the cuisine of the country India is playing against, as it helps with coining a few good cuss words, in case you have to use them during the match. To do this you have to make a few trips to some unfamiliarly smelling grocery stores and bland tasting restaurants. But at least, France is not playing cricket yet.Note 1: Chicken Tikka masala is not considered English cuisineNote 2: Anything with alcohol should not be consumed the night before the big match if it is not a D/N match. Otherwise, no restrictions whatsoever

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 4: ActiveSocial NetworkingThe age of watching cricket matches in your living room with real friends sitting next to you in a couch is gone. Now it is all about virtual friends.Get a Facebook account if you dont have one. Ask FB for friend suggestions. Invite everyone. In 5 days, you can make 200 friends. If you Like Sachin Tendulkars page, you can add 300 more friends.If you need variety, become a member of other social networking sites too.Now, the big question - why? Because not only will you find all your friends crowding the social networking walls during the match, it is also proved that these sites are highly therapeutic for saddened & excited souls alike, after a hard days game. You will get an assurance that you are not the only person who feels miserable or you will be able to hi-five 500 people in less than 50 minutes if your team wins. To be able to vent your anger out is an added bonus.

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 5: NoBreak from WorkYou do not want to give the impression to your co-workers and bosses that a cricket match is worth your time-off from work. Because they will soon think that you are not worth their payroll.If you can work from home, work from home.If you cant work from home, during the days preceding the match, work out a detailed (and fictional of course) account of how a natural family catastrophe is going to cause a major damage to you or someone you know and why it is important for you to be out of the office on that day.Ideas for Natural family catastrophes: Super moon causing a neighborhood lawnmower to drive through your sprinkler system and breaking it, resulting in a flooded basement, which in turn causing all your pet snakes to escape

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 6: Anger proofing the HouseThis is a given. You may not even need any tips for this as this must have happened over and over again.Sit 20 ft. away from the TV, If thats not possible, ask your spouse to tie yourself to the couch with a chain and lock it. This way the only thing you can damage is the couch and/or your outfit.Ask your kids and everyone in the house to sit at least 5 ft. away from you. You know why.Beside the game itself, there are other things that could anger you during the course of the game. So it is better to be prepared for those controllable factors like Shastri & Rameezs commentary, by subscribing to Shastribots and Rameezbots (software tools that generate random cricket comments) or even by listening to Sidhus parliamentary speeches on youtube.

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 7: Mastering useless StatisticsAlthough experts may say that this is not a needed skill for the game day, we strongly recommend that you equip yourself with useless stats as they help keep your hopes alive even in the worst possible situations. There are many resources available online to do that. If you believe in Flash cards, prepare flash cards based on these stats. You can flash one at yourself every time you lose hope.Some sample useless stats:

    Indias success rate is 100% when they made a score of 183, batting first at Lords in a 60 over cricket game, every time Kapil Dev has led the teamDhoni has never lost a single ODI match when he played Munaf,Raina andAshwin together in the same game in ICC WC2011

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 8: Creative superstitionsAlthough this step sounds easy, it is one which you cant prepare yourself for, as a lot of it depends on how quick you are to think off your feet. Literally sometimes.Creativity and Quick decision making may be skills of a good leader according to some management experts, but these are lifesaving skills when you are watching a big cricket match. The superstition cycle works this way: create -> change -> adapt -> believeThere are no right or wrong superstitions. What works for you may not work for your Facebook friend. Doesnt matter. Apply yourself till the end. Keep adding new superstitions to the list as the match progresses. And dont even bother if your spouse or child makes a comment about the awkward upside-down-right-foot-big-toe-curled-left-hand-pinky-in-the-nose-left-eye-closed-torn-t-shirt-hanging-on-your-right-earlobe position you are in, when they walk into the living room.

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 9: Agreement with the familyAnyone who doesnt live alone and plans to watch a big match, should immediately put together & sign amatch and post-match agreement with every single member of the family including dogs and cats.These agreements could be based on what your situation demands but they are important to protect yourself in the event of any accidental injuries to anyone or anything in the house during the match or after. Of course, the only purpose of such agreement is to make sure that you are not held responsible for any of those damages, should there be any and that the Indian cricket team, BCCI and ICC are solely responsible for such.

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 10: SleepSleep is the most underrated physical need. And more so under big match situations.Do not party a lot the night before the game. Yes, you are not playing but you need to be mentally alert for the game. So 6-8 hours of sleep is a must.Pre-match jitters are common. Do not let these spoil your sleep. The best way to avoid these is by turning your iPod on with a Rebecca Black collection or a KumarSanu nasal collection or both shuffled together, with a pair of noise canceling headphones, tightly screwed over your temples, as you lie down in your bed.The night after the game, plan for a solo sleep session as it is always in the best interests of everyone in the household. You never know what kind of dreams you may have to experience.Remember: Both a Win and a Loss can jeopardize your sleep pattern.

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

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    Step 11: Because...Simply giving you a Ten step guide is not enough..There are 11 players who will play for the Indian cricket team..It is obvious that 11 is the only 2 digit number which has two 1s in it..And finally this 11th step is really not supposed to provide you any tips, but is there to provide moral support to the other ten steps discussed above& make sure they do their job. You never know when it will come handy. (Much like Munaf Patel in the Indian team as the 11th player)

    Saturday, March 26, 2011

  • Enjoy the game!

    Saturday, March 26, 2011