how to talk to young people about relationships
TRANSCRIPT
How to Talk to Young People about Relationships
Agenda
1. Introduction to One Love2. Tips for talking to young people3. One Love videos to start the conversation
Goals1. Learn tips to start conversations with the young people
in your lives about navigating healthy and unhealthy relationships.
2. During this of social distancing, we have an opportunity to witness our young people in relationships and we also have an opportunity to teach them how to love better.
History of One Love
One Love is a national leader in educating young people about relationship health.
Who is One Love?
One Love was founded in honor of Yeardley Love, a then-senior at the University of Virginia, whose life was tragically cut short by her ex-boyfriend. After the trial, Yeardley’s family learned that her death might have been prevented had anyone in her life recognized the signs of an abusive relationship.
will be in an abusive relationship during their lifetime.
1 in 3
*Sources: CDC, Safe Horizon, Corporate Alliance to End Domestic Violence
1 in 4 1 in 2women men trans & nonbinary people
The Big Idea:
100% of us are in relationships and 100% of us can learn how to love better.
How to Talk to Young People about Relationships
How to Talk to Young People about Relationships Before They Start Dating
Experts Say:• Talk about healthy friendships and point out behaviors you see.• Use teachable moments in the media or your community.• Model healthy behaviors!
Survivors Say:• Teach how to communicate about your boundaries.• This can happen to anybody, including our friends and in our
community – so talk about it!
Conversation Starters:
• Have you ever had a friend who gets jealous if you hang out with another friend?
• Has a friend ever bothered you on social media, like sending you lots of Instagram messages when you didn’t want them to?
• How would you tell a friend if they were making you uncomfortable?
• Have you ever been jealous of your friend if they beat you in a race or on a test? How did you respond?
How to Talk to Young People about Relationships Before They Start Dating
Experts Say:• Talk about what healthy looks like.• Weave healthy relationships into other topics, like alcohol or social media.• Talk about consent before they start having sex.
Survivors Say:• Don’t emphasize that being in a relationship is a social achievement.• Emphasize that emotional abuse is abuse, too.• Father figures and male role models play an important role in these conversations –
don’t leave them out!
How to Talk to Young People about Relationships Before They Start Dating
Conversation Starters:
• I’m happy when you’re happy so you know where to find me if that changes.
• It was so nice when [partner] did [behavior] the other day – are they always like that? How did it make you feel?
• From the outside, it seems like you and [partner] are really happy together. But how are you really feeling about it on the inside?
How to Talk to Young People about Relationships When They Start Dating
Experts Say:• Believe them and know that they may not tell you everything right away• Label the abusive behaviors instead of the person.• Encourage them to talk to a professional – you are a step along the way, not their
entire support system! • Understand the dangers of a breakup – Safety Plan
Survivors Say:• Pay attention to the early clues that something isn’t right (constant communication,
anxiousness around their phone, etc.)• Checking in goes a long way, even if they don’t respond positively right away.
How to Talk to a Young Person You’re WorriedIs in an Unhealthy or Abusive Relationship
Conversation Starters:
• You don’t seem like yourself these days. Is something going on?
• I’ve noticed you keep looking at your phone. Is everything alright?
• What I’m seeing makes me worried. I’m here if you want to talk about it.
• I like your partner because you do – if anything ever changes, I’m on your side.
How to Talk to a Young Person You’re WorriedIs in an Unhealthy or Abusive Relationship
Couplets
CoupletsWhen we say relationship, we’re talking about …
• Friendships• Dating relationships• Family members• Teammates• Classmates
OBSESSIONWhat is obsession? Obsession is when someone is constantly thinking or worrying about something or someone. Usually this feeling will take over a person and get in the way of them thinking about or doing other things.
Other examples are when… • Texts you ALL THE TIME and makes you feel
uncomfortable or unsafe• Always likes posts or watches stories that you put on
social media immediately• Stalks you on someone else's social media• Always questions what you’re doing and who you’re with• Shows up where you are without you inviting them.
VOLATILITYWhat is volatility? When someone has really strong, unpredictable reactions that make you feel scared, confused, or intimidated.
Other examples are when… • Makes you feel like you have to "walk on
eggshells” around them• Physically hurts you or threatens to harm you• Does things to scare or intimidate you, gets
really mad, yells, punches things, or destroys stuff
• Makes you feel like you need to do things, or not do things, so they don’t get mad
• Yells to get their point across
ISOLATIONWhat is isolation? Isolation is when someone is being separated or kept away from other people. Isolation in a relationship happens when someone wants you all to themselves and doesn’t like to share you.
Other examples are when… • Gets jealous when you make new friends• Makes you sit with them alone at lunch• Asks you to skip class, practice or any other
activity to hang out with them• Makes you feel like your parents or family
don't care about you• Doesn't like you texting other people.
Because I Love You
Because I Love You
How technology or social media can be used to control young people in an unhealthy relationship.
What signs of emotional abuse look like and how they can someone identify them in everyday scenarios.
Ways to help young people cope with feelings of jealousy and insecurity and learn to set boundaries in their relationship.
Language is a powerful tool; We want to help adults understand …
What are other phrases like “Because I Love You” young people might use or hear?
Examples:
“Who were you texting? Let me see your phone.”
“Don’t go to that party, there will be other people there I don’t trust.”
“If you break up with me, I’ll post those pictures online.”
“You’re so lucky to be with me...”
National Resources LOVE IS RESPECTwww.LoveIsRespect.org | 1-866-331-9474 or 1-866-331-8453 | text “loveis” to 22522 Contact LoveIsRespect if you want to talk to someone, need advice about your relationship or a loved one’s relationship, or if you have legal questions
NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) | www.thehotline.orgNDV Hotline provides lifesaving tools and immediate support to enable victims to find safety and live lives free of abuse. Call if you would like more resources or information, or if you are questioning unhealthy aspects of your relationship. On the website, you can also find a helpful chat feature in English and Spanish.
NATIONAL SEXUAL ASSAULT HOTLINE 1-800-656-HOPE | www.rainn.orgThe National Sexual Assault Hotline provides basic information for victims or friends/family of victims, short-term crisis intervention and support, answers to questions about recovering from sexual assault, and resources to assist with the reporting process via hotline or chat.
THE TREVOR PROJECT www.thetrevorproject.org/ | 1-866-488-7386 The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning (LGBTQ) young people.
Instagram and Twitter: @join1loveJoin our One Love for Educators group on Facebook!
THANK YOU!