Jane Schaffer Writing ReviewFor the SBAC Performance Task

What we are asking you to do:

–Reading of complex text–Annotating text–Performing source analyses–Making a claim–Finding relevant evidence within text–Elaborating upon evidence to support a

thesis

During the performance task, students will: Be exposed to 5-6 various types of text,

including articles, websites, videos, blogs, graphics, etc.

Analyze each source, taking notes on their main ideas

Evaluate the reliability of each source Answer research questions related to the

sources

Ultimately, students will:

Synthesize the information from the various sources into a 3-5 page paper, choosing the most important information from the most reliable sources.

The essay must be written in one class sitting, but the information will be read and analyzed in previous class periods (so recall will be important)

In this essay, students will need to: Write to a specific mode (informative or

argumentative) Write for a specific purpose (letter or essay) Adhere to the standards in the Performance

Task rubric Incorporate evidence (concrete details from

the sources) and elaboration (commentary) Include an introduction and conclusion

Vocabulary you need to understand… JS LDC SBAC Thesis==== Controlling Idea====Claim/ purpose

Concrete====Reading/=========Evidence

Detail Research

Commentary ==Development======Elaboration

In the following example, the sentences are color-codedTerms to know so that you too can write an effective

BODY paragraph:

Topic Sentences (TS)

Concrete Details (CD)

Commentary Sentences (CM)

Concluding Sentences (CS)

Step 1 - The Topic SentenceThe Topic Sentence (TS) is the top bun of the

hamburger

The topic sentence is the first sentence of the paragraph.

It states the main idea and contains an opinion. (TS=subject + opinion)

Example: Topic Sentence TS

In the fairy tale, “The Three Little Pigs,” the third pig was

very wise.

Step 2 - Concrete Details (CD) Concrete Details (CD) are the meat of the

hamburger or veggie burger

CDs = Support for your TS. (facts, quotations, statistics, examples, paraphrases, etc. from the text or research).

CDs can’t be argued with - a CD is evidence that supports your point

CDs can be direct quotations, summaries or paraphrased information

Example Concrete Detail (CD)

For example, he remembered his mother’s warning about a wolf, and built his house out of sturdy brick.

Step 3: CommentaryCommentary Sentences (CM) are the hamburger’s “necessary

condiments” - the tomato, cheese, lettuce, pickle - they make it delicious!

CMs = your analysis, interpretation, inferences, opinion, explanation, or insight.

CMs = the “so what?”

CMs = the ideas in your head

Example Commentary Sentences(2 CMs)

The frustrated wolf gave up extremely easily after a half-hearted attempt to blow down the sturdy and intimidating brick house. This proves that the third pig was much

more intelligent than his brothers, who were devoured by the wolf.

Step 4: Concluding SentenceA Concluding Sentence (CS) is the bottom bun of

the hamburger

A CS wraps up the paragraph. It brings the reader back to the original topic without

repeating the same words or summarizing. It makes the paragraph feel complete.

Example Concluding Sentence (CS)

The third pig of the legendary fable outsmarts not only his

brothers, but the “big, bad” wolf as well.

In the fairy tale, “The Three Little Pigs,” the third pig was very wise. For example, he remembered his mother’s warning about a wolf and built his house out of sturdy brick. The frustrated wolf gave up extremely easily after a half-hearted attempt to blow down the sturdy and intimidating brick house. This proves that the third pig was much more intelligent than his brothers, who were devoured by the wolf. The third pig of the legendary fable outsmarts not only his brothers, but the “big bad” wolf as well.

Putting it all together!

That was a one chunk paragraph!What is a chunk?

A combination of CDs and CMs is called a chunk.

A chunk is made up of 3 sentences.

1 CD & 2 CMs

What is a two-chunk paragraph?A two-chunk paragraph is an extension of the one

chunk paragraph. The student simply adds another burger and more condiments. It looks like this…

TS

CD

CM

CM

CD

CM

CM

CS

Chunk #1

Chunk #2

What is Weaving?Weaving is the goal of all writers. It

describes the ability to weave together CDs and CMs while effectively communicating

ideas through writing. Writers that effectively weave are aware of expected

ratios/balance AND can seamlessly put them together in their writing. As a teacher, it is important that you recognize students who effectively weave and allow them to do so.

Writing Informatively means to communicate your ideas on a topic and inform your audience using facts, details and elaboration.

You Too Can Write Informatively

Now I bring you… Some tips on ways to succeed…

First, what does the task look like?

Here’s what you can expect next week.

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Task

Steps to Follow

Directions for Beginning

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Students answer short questions…

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A scoring guide is provided

…which lead to the writing

prompt

Second, what kinds of writing are required of me?

Here are the four types of writing you may be expected to demonstrate competency in:

PARCC“Analytic Essays”

The Common Core defines, specifies, and emphasizes instructional text-types:

“Opinion”

“Argument”

“Informative/Explanatory”

“Narrative”

Part of the other modes

“Persuasive”

“Expository”

“Narrative”

“Descriptive”

Third question, which types of writing are we focusing on right now?

Informative/Expository/ Explanatory Writing.

Informative/Explanatory WritingExpository writing has traditionally been defined as:“A composition written for the purpose of informing, explaining, describing, or defining. Expository writing seeks to be factually accurate.”

“Informative” / “Explanatory”

What does it take?• Writing an effective informative

essay requires a great deal of planning, drafting, and revising. But you have a limited amount of time for this, so be prepared.

• Thinking through a topic entails forming a definition, using evidence, adding support and commentary and transitioning through your points.

First activity• Remembering that your audience is

your English teacher, and• That Informative writing is “A

composition written for the purpose of informing, explaining, describing, or defining. Expository writing seeks to be factually accurate.”

• Develop a definition of the following subject:

Successful Students

Second Activity• Come up with three components that contribute to your definition of “successful students.”

Third Activity• Put the two activities together

into a thesis statement. • It should be one sentence

which states: the subjectyour definition of the subjectthe three reasons for your definition of the subject

Sample• Topic: Successful Students• Definition: Are focused on personal

improvement.• Supporting Reasons

1. Accepting challenges2. Persevering in the face of failure3. Seeking resources when facing

obstacles

Thesis: Successful students can be identified by their focus on personal improvement through accepting challenges, persevering in the face of failure, and seeking resources when facing obstacles.

Topic Sentences• As your thesis sentence

roadmaps your entire essay or letter, your topic sentences must roadmap each of your paragraphs.

• Take a moment to write a topic sentence for each of the paragraphs that your thesis suggests.

Sample Topic Sentence (TS)• The first way students demonstrate

success, is by accepting challenges.• The second way to recognize successful

students is through their perseverence.• The third quality of successful students is

that they seek additional resources when facing obstacles.

Don’t forget: You need one TS for each of the limiters in your Thesis statement.

Support your topic sentences…

• You must support each topic sentence with at least two solid concrete details and two sentences of commentary.

• Take just one of your topic sentences and construct a complete paragraph of 8 sentences, including a topic sentence and a concluding sentence/transitional sentence.

Elaboration / Commentary (CM) • You can paraphrase.• You can express an opinion.• You can clarify.• You can offer context.• You can refute.• Can offer commentary: i.e., because this is

true…. Or if this is true then…• You can draw a connection/analogy for

your reader• You can use a simile or metaphor• You can use an anecdote or story to

illustrate

Sample Paragraph…

TS: The first way students demonstrate success is by accepting challenges, whether they be academic or extra-curricular.CD: Stanford’s College Admission Dean states in the January 2010 issue of US News and World Report that “the students who are desired by competitive schools are those who enrolled in the most challenging curricula available at their high school, not necessarily those with the highest GPA.”

CM: Clearly Stanford is interested in successful students and it is important that the dean has pointed out, perhaps surprisingly to some, that the most desirable characteristic of that student is accepting challenge.

CM2: The dean’s opinion would be informed by the successes and failures of hundreds if not thousands of students and therefore represents a substantial and informed position on student success.

CD: According to Dr. Mercola in “Nine Ways to Make Yourself Smarter,” the number 9 way to do this is, “Challenge Your Mind. One of the simplest methods to boost your brain function is to keep on learning. The size and structure of neurons and the connections between them actually change as you learn. This can take on many forms above and beyond book learning to include activities like traveling, learning to play a musical instrument or speak a foreign language, or participating in social and community activities.”

CM: It is logical to conclude that a bigger brain would be a more functional and useful one which would make success in any endeavor easier.

CM2: It is also reassuring that this bigger and stronger brain can be achieved through more than just academic practices.

CS/Transition: So whether it is the academic rigor of IB courses or the demands of mastering the violin, challenge is a major contributor to success.

Introduction

Introductions are sometimes called introductory paragraphs.

They are the first thing your audience will read.They should include an “attention grabber” like an anecdote or personal observation and a thesis

statement (usually the last sentence). NO RHETORICAL ?s or Inspirational Quotations

Ironically, I usually write the introduction last. Why? Because by the time I've written my essay or letter, I'm more

qualified to introduce it to my audience.

Sample Introduction“Hooray! I got it!” These would have

been great words to shout. But they were lousy words to hear from my competitive best friend when she got early admission to her dream school, and I was still waiting on my third choice. I had to ask myself, what makes her so lucky? Was it luck? Of course not, she had simply mastered student success in a way that I could only have regrets about…so far. Student success: time to unlock the mystery. Successful students can be identified by their focus on personal improvement through accepting challenges, persevering in the face of failure, and seeking resources when facing obstacles.

Conclusions

Every essay should have a satisfactory conclusion, or concluding paragraph. This paragraph should strive to

give the writing a sense of closure and leave the audience with a clear picture of what has been

communicated.

Some believe that your conclusion should be a five to eight sentence paragraph.

I respectfully disagree. A well thought out, two-to-three sentence conclusion can be satisfying,

assuming you remember one thing...

Conclusions, cont.

The most satisfying way to end an essay and some letters is to leave your audience

with a sense that what you have communicated is bigger than just that one

issue.

The way to do this is to leave them with some U.M.

“What’s that?” you asked.

U.M. That's right. U.M. Universal Meaning.

For instance, if I want the board to care about unnecessary homework assignments, it's a

good idea to help them see this issue as it fits into the bigger picture.

Ex: Finally, though these issues may only seem important to high school and college students, a closer look shows that people of all ages benefit from the same practices and

choices as successful students.

Text-Based Informative Writing Coach

Elaboration of Evidence Strand

Our Purpose…1. Understand the requirements for the writing

portion of the SBAC assessment that you will be taking your sophomore and junior year.

2. The results of that test could determine funding for our schools, the focus of instruction, and your graduation.

3. The good news…we’ve been working on it.4. The better news…we’re going to continue

working on it.5. The best news…you can master it.6. This year we are focusing on one strand of

the rubric, but before we get to it, what does the rubric look like?

Statement of Focus: Strand 1For a “3”The response is adequately sustained and generally focused:

• focus is clear and for the most part maintained, though some loosely related material may be present

• context for the claim is adequate

For a “4”The response is fully sustained and consistently and purposefully focused:

• claim is clearly stated, focused and strongly maintained • alternate or opposing claims are clearly addressed* • claim is introduced and communicated clearly within the context

Language and Vocabulary: Strand 2

For a “3”The response adequately expresses ideas, employing a mix of precise with more general language

• use of domain-specific vocabulary is generally appropriate for the audience and purpose.

For a “4”The response clearly and effectively expresses ideas, using precise language:

• use of academic and domain-specific vocabulary is clearly appropriate for the audience and purpose

Organization: Strand 4For a “3”The organizational structure and a sense of completeness, though there may be minor flaws and some ideas may be loosely connected: • adequate use of transitional strategies with some variety • adequate progression of ideas from beginning to end • adequate introduction and conclusion • adequate, if slightly inconsistent, connection among ideas response has an evident

For a “4”The response has a clear and effective organizational structure creating unity and completeness: • effective, consistent use of a variety of transitional strategies • logical progression of ideas from beginning to end • effective introduction and conclusion for audience and purpose • strong connections among ideas, with some syntactic variety

Conventions: Strand 5For a “3”The response demonstrates an adequate command of conventions: • some errors in usage and sentence formation may be present, but no systematic pattern of errors is displayed • adequate use of punctuation, capitalization, and spelling

For a “4”The response demonstrates a strong command of conventions: • few, if any, errors are present in usage and sentence formation • effective and consistent use of punctuation, capitalization, and spelling

Elaboration of Evidence: Strand 3

For a “3”The response provides adequate support/evidence for the writer’s claim that includes the use of sources, facts, and details. The response achieves some depth and specificity but is predominantly general:

• some evidence from sources is integrated, though citations may be general or imprecise • adequate use of some elaborative techniques

For a “4”The response provides thorough and convincing support/evidence for the writer’s claim that includes the effective use of sources, facts, and details. The response achieves substantial depth that is specific and relevant:

• use of evidence from sources is smoothly integrated, comprehensive, relevant, and concrete • effective use of a variety of elaborative techniques

Elaboration of Evidence: Strand 3

For a “1”The response provides minimal support/evidence for the writer’s claim that includes little or no use of sources, facts, and details:

• use of evidence from the source material is minimal, absent, in error, or irrelevant

For a “2”The response provides uneven, cursory support/evidence for the writer’s claim that includes partial or uneven use of sources, facts, and details, and achieves little depth:

• evidence from sources is weakly integrated, and citations, if present, are uneven • weak or uneven use of elaborative techniques  

The response provides minimal support/evidence for the writer’s claim that includes little or no use of sources, facts, and details: • use of evidence from the source material is minimal, absent, in error, or irrelevant

 

The response provides uneven, cursory support/evidence for the writer’s claim that includes partial or uneven use of sources, facts, and details, and achieves little depth:

• evidence from sources is weakly integrated, and citations, if present, are uneven

• weak or uneven use of elaborative techniques

 

The response provides adequate support/evidence for the writer’s claim that includes the use of sources, facts, and details. The response achieves some depth and specificity but is predominantly general: • some evidence from sources is integrated, though citations may be general or imprecise • adequate use of some elaborative techniques

 

The response provides thorough and convincing support/evidence for the writer’s claim that includes the effective use of sources, facts, and details. The response achieves substantial

depth that is specific and relevant:

• use of evidence from sources is smoothly integrated, comprehensive, relevant, and concrete

• effective use of a variety of elaborative techniques

Elaboration of Evidence

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1

Q and AQ: Inclusion of detail. How much is enough?

A: Two details per paragraph. Minimum. Q: How do you include them?

A.: You have three options:1. Direct quotation2. Summary3. Paraphrase

Direct Quotation• These are used only when the

author’s exact words or ideas are especially interesting or the clearest way of saying something.

• Or, when facts and statistics are used. They are most powerful when directly quoted.

• Copy the author’s words and punctuation exactly, and be sure to use quotation marks.

Summary

These put the general idea of the information in a few sentences or phrases. You will include only the main ideas presented and incorporate them into your own sentence.

Paraphrase• Include most of the author’s

ideas, not just the main ones. • You will paraphrase when the

details are important. • You will again write these in your

own sentences. • A good sentence starter would

include the name of the author you are citing: Edith Hamilton claims that…

Quotations

• To indicate short quotations (fewer than four typed lines of prose or three lines of verse) in your text, enclose the quotation within double quotation marks. Provide the author and specific page citation (in the case of verse, provide line numbers) in the text.

• Punctuation marks such as periods, commas, and semicolons should appear after the parenthetical citation.

• Question marks and exclamation points should appear within the quotation marks if they are a part of the quoted passage but after the parenthetical citation if they are a part of your text.

For example, when quoting short passages of prose, use the following examples:

• According to some, dreams express "profound aspects of personality" (Foulkes 184), though others disagree.

• According to Foulkes's study, dreams may express "profound aspects of personality" (184).

• Is it possible that dreams may express "profound aspects of personality" (Foulkes 184)?

How do I cite the sources?MLA format follows the author-page method of in-text citation. This means that the author's last name or the name of the article or website and the page number(s) (if there are page numbers) from which the quotation or paraphrase is taken must appear in the text.The source name may appear either in the sentence itself or in parentheses following the quotation or paraphrase, but the page number(s) should always appear in the parentheses, not in the text of your sentence. For example:Wordsworth stated that Romantic poetry was marked by a "spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings" (263). 

Romantic poetry is characterized by the "spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings" (Wordsworth 263).

Wordsworth extensively explored the role of emotion in the creative process (263).

What is the purpose of the citation?

Both citations in the examples above, (263) and (Wordsworth 263), tell readers that the information in the sentence can be located on page 263 of a work by an author named Wordsworth. If readers want more information about this source, they can turn to the Works Cited page, where, under the name of Wordsworth, they would find the following information:Wordsworth, William. Lyrical Ballads. London:

Oxford U.P., 1967. Print.

What if there is no author?• When a source has no known author, use

a shortened title of the work instead of an author name. Place the title in quotation marks if it's a short work (such as an article) or italicize it if it's a longer work (e.g. plays, books, television shows, entire Web sites) and provide a page number.

• We see so many global warming hotspots in North America likely because this region has "more readily accessible climatic data and more comprehensive programs to monitor and study environmental change . . ." ("Impact of Global Warming" 6).

What if there are two authors?

For a source with three or fewer authors, list the authors' last names in the text or in the parenthetical citation:Smith, Yang, and Moore argue that tougher gun control is not needed in the United States (76).The authors state "Tighter gun control in the United States erodes Second Amendment rights" (Smith, Yang, and Moore 76).

What about websites?Sometimes writers are confused with how to craft parenthetical citations for electronic sources because of the absence of page numbers, but often, these sorts of entries do not require any sort of parenthetical citation at all. For electronic and Internet sources, follow the following guidelines:• Include in the text the first item that appears in the

Work Cited entry that corresponds to the citation (e.g. author name, article name, website name, film name).

• You do not need to give paragraph numbers or page numbers.

• Unless you must list the Web site name in the signal phrase in order to get the reader to the appropriate entry, do not include URLs in-text. Only provide partial URLs such as when the name of the site includes, for example, a domain name, like CNN.com orForbes.com as opposed to writing out http://www.cnn.com or http://www.forbes.com.

Citations: You must cite all information learned in your research. 

Who is the Best Teacher?“Ms. Labor was voted the #1 teacher for the past seven years” (Thompson 12).In parentheses you must have the first piece of information from your source card and a page number if applicable. Period goes after the ().

Internal

Parenthetical

Who is the Best Teacher?According to Mr. Thompson, on page twelve of the newsletter, “Ms. Labor was voted the #1 teacher for the past seven years.”Within your sentence you must introduce the information with our source data.

Citations: You must cite all information learned in your research.

 

Who is the Best Teacher?

Ms. Labor has been a top teacher for many years (Thompson 12).

Internal with Parentheses

ParentheticalParaphrased

Who is the Best Teacher?According to Mr. Thompson, “Ms. Labor was voted the #1 teacher for the past seven years” (12).Within your sentence you must introduce the information with our source data.

Elaboration / Commentary (CM) • You can paraphrase.• You can express an opinion.• You can clarify.• You can offer context.• You can refute.• Can offer commentary: i.e., because this is

true…. Or if this is true then…• You can draw a connection/analogy for

your reader• You can use a simile or metaphor• You can use an anecdote or story to

illustrate

The next activity is to try your hand at explaining the role of sleep in adolescent success.

• Refer to your fact sheet • Choose two categories of evidence you find

compelling• Choose two pieces of evidence for each of your

two body paragraphs• Write your thesis• Write one 2 chunk body paragraph• Write an introduction• Write a conclusion

“High school students would benefit from later start times”By Andrew Milton Published: April 10, 2013 at 12:05 a.m. PDTthenewstribune.com accessed Thursday, May 30, 2013 - Tacoma, WA

•“The Edina, Minn., school district moved its high school start one hour later and saw remarkable results in just one year. The top 10th of the student body showed the biggest effect, with one-year gains in SAT performance of 56 points in math and 156 points in verbal scores.”•“Another study of 7,000 Minnesota high schoolers found that “A” students got an average of 15 minutes more sleep every night than “B” students, who in turn slumbered 15 minutes more than “C” students. Fifteen extra minutes of sleep, in other words, can have salutary effects on student learning and performance.”•“The benefits of late start go beyond academics to include safety and mental health, too. In Lexington, Ky., a later start cut teen “fall asleep” auto accidents by 25 percent.”•“As for mental health, some researchers and doctors suspect that the lack of sleep at least partly explains some of the teenage moodiness, depression and even ADHD. These symptoms and conditions are similar to those arising from sleep deprivation.”

“Parents Of Sleep-Deprived Teens Push For Later School Start Times”by Allison Aubrey KPLU.org December 02, 2013 2:54 AM ET

•“Beginning in puberty, "adolescents are programmed to fall asleep later," says Dr. Judith Owens, who directs the Sleep Medicine Clinic at Children's National Medical Center in Washington, D.C. And she says many teenagers can't fall asleep before 11 p.m.”•“Because teenagers need eight to nine hours of sleep, waking up at 6 a.m. can lead to a pattern of sleep deprivation. And that puts them at higher risk of a whole range of potential problems, from depression to automobile accidents.”•“There's a gathering body of evidence to suggest that pushing back school start times can cut the risk of car crashes. In Fayette County, Ky., the number of car accidents caused by teenage drivers dropped almost 17 percent in the two years after the county pushed start times back an hour to 8:30 a.m. That compares with an 8 percent increase in crashes among 17- and 18-year-old drivers statewide over the same time.”

Let’s do this!

Target: Write a quick argumentative paper and score a “4” in Elaboration of Evidence.• Step 1. Read and annotate all the sources

with information you can use for your topic.

• Step 2: Answer the research questions.• Step 3: Write a thesis statement on your

topic.• Step 4: Write an outline.• Step 5: Write your paper using and citing

your sources.• Step 6: Be proud of your mad skill set.