Academic Summary ofIn Search of My Jewish Mother

The Educational ValueEducational Points

The Jewish Mother Syndrome Is a Metaphor

• Much of the important work, time management, and self-management we do is not directly controlled by the natural contingencies.

• It’s not controlled very much by self-praise.• It is controlled by escape from aversive

conditions (thoughts and feelings) that are a result of our upbringing.

Preschool Fatalism

• These thoughts and feelings were programmed by our parents, usually unintentionally.

• If our parents did not have these aversive thoughts and feelings, they will probably not be able to instill them in us.

• If our parents were hard working, super-reliable, super-conscientious, proactive, non-procrastinating successes, then probably we will be.

• If they were not, then probably we will not be.

Even Jewish Mothers Need Jewish Mothers

• So, to have a Jewish mother, you need a Jewish grandmother and great grandmother, back and back and back.

Subtle Jewish Mothers

• Jewish mothers can be effective by criticizing themselves and others, without directly criticizing you.

Grade-school Fatalism

– Even trivial little self-management techniques such as the kitchen timer can stick with us for life.

Best performance management

– often puts contingencies on accomplishments, not effort—product, not process.

Jewish-Mother Goals

• Unintentionally, our parents will even set unrealistic performance standards for us, like working for 50 years, or a life-long marriage.

• And they will program values in us that we can’t overcome, even though rationally we know they are silly, like– Be a real man.– Don’t be neurotic.– Don’t be a dumb ass.– Don’t be trailer trash.– Don’t be a loser.

Sabotaging the Jewish Mother

• But even if one parent is a fairly effective Jewish mother, that effectiveness can be sabotaged by the other parent, unintentionally or otherwise.

• Guilt or a performance contract may be enough to get us out of bed early

• but not enough to keep us on task, for example:– the waylaid drum practice– the waylaid writing tasks.

Substitute Jewish Mothers

• But Jewish mother surrogates can continue setting unrealistic performance standards for us, the rest of our lives, for example:– Whaley’s daily 6-mile runs,– His daily 3-hour writing session, – Michael’s teaching to the age of 77– Books saying you should grow your own food.

What do you do, if your Jewish mother wasn’t too effective?

• Use performance-management contingencies.

Assignment:• Write your own behavior-analytic autobiography.• Search for your own Jewish mother.• And grandmother.• Do you have them?• Who were they?• Talk to your folks about it.• Talk to your friends.• How successful was your Jewish mother?• What did you get?• What didn’t you get?• You happy with what you got?• Why or why not?

Thank You

• And may your Jewish mother be with you.