THOUGHTS N

ACTUAL

FREED M

Justine’s

Memoirs part - III

O

THOUGHTS ON

ACTUAL

FREEDOM

JUST INE ’ S

‘Unknowingly affective with emotional involvement is bondage’.

‘Knowingly affective with/without emotional involvement is freedom’.

And in both cases, Pristine Actuality is in no way affected.

One who knows this, is Actually free.

Many of my esteemed readers appreciated for my writings in the following tones. I thank them all.

...quite charming

...your particular style added unique dimension

...really cool

...nature of the universe and nature of here now particularly useful

...awesome

...thanks for publishing it

...fresh and interesting presentation

...happy to give it a read

...welcome and read it with interest

...a nice refresher

...with very succinct grains of wisdom throughout

...refreshing to read

..enjoying the read

...there's lot to learn and discern...

Justine.

My Daughter

Mother, Daughter, Rev.Amal & Myself.

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1. Book: Justine's Thoughts On Actual Freedom2. Category:Memoir’s3. Author: Justine4. E-mail: jkoperumcholan@gmail.com5. Edition: July 2012

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Rev. Bede Griffiths (Alan Richard) My Spiritual Guru

Hardly a soul and body here are born

In the fierce difficult movement of the stars,

Whose life can keep the paradisal note.

While there, one is one's own Infinity.

His centre was no more in earthly mind.

A constant lodging in the Eternal's realm,

A safety in the Silence and the Ray.

There the eyes gazed no more on beauty's shape.

..where few dare even to rise;

Far voices call down from the dizzy rocks,

Chill, slippery, precipitous are the path.

All passes here, nothing remains the same,

None is for any on this transient globe.

Love dies before the lover in our breast.

Who willed to form or feign a Universe

In the cold and endless emptiness of space?

Soul we feel is only a dream

Eternal self a fiction.

The Eternal suffers in a human form.

The great are strongest when they stand alone.

- From Savitri of Sri Aurobindo.

ALL THIS REMINDS ME ONLY OF RICHARD

JUSTINE.

y first word of writing poetry, that went on and on for more than 30 thousand

pages, was this. I was 21. I have rendered Government Service as a Stenographer

from the age of 19 to 34. By the age of 22, I turned to spirituality, as I found life was

meaningless, and as I felt there was too much cruelty in the society. In an afternoon in the

office, I took my pen and a sheet of paper and wrote these words, in my native Tamil

vernacular:

‘Kaname ninaivay siru maname; Pinamai maraivay oru dhiname’.

I will try a rough English rendering of it.

‘O little mind, think for a while; Soon you will disappear as a corpse one day’.

Another verse came in Tamil:

‘Thisaiyum Theriyavillai, Thikkum Puriyavillai’.

‘I don’t know the directions; I don’t understand the way’.

Page | 1

y first clear cut Pure Consciousness Experience is this. When I was 22, on a certain

day, I wanted to visit a Christian Holy Shrine, and I went there. It is called the

Basilica of our Lady of Vailankanni, in Nagapattinam. It is a Shrine consecrated to Mother

Mary, the Immaculate mother of Jesus, reputed with many stories of miracles. Almost like

the Lourdes Shrine in France. I got down from the train at Nagapattinam. There were few

transport facilities to the Shrine, that was 6 kilometers from there. But I chose to walk on

the sea-shore, the entire distance.

My walking for half an hour in that desolate area was normal. This is in

1972. Now things may be different. On my left was, the ocean with its roaring noise of

waves. And on the right were mounds of sand. There were not even birds, and no humans

or other creatures. It was 11-00 am. The sun was scorching, but with cool effect. The

shore stretched beyond me with very few bends. A dread happened in me, that I should

not have attempted this foolish lonely walk. Just to give me strength, I started singing to

myself. That made me more awkward. I greedily looked for any human presence. There

was none. It looked the sun was so close to the beach. The sand had golden color. Waves

with deep blue and black tinge.

Page | 2

Though I was walking slowly, I felt that I was not walking. It seemed the earth beneath

me was moving leaving me static. I got scared. There was a dry stick on the sand. I picked

it up and drew a circle around me in the sand. I told myself that I was safe. I wanted to sit

inside the circle. There was a flickering call for auto-erotic, which was instantly and

vehemently swayed away, by the dread and the majesty of sand mounds with their

coconut trees, and Palmyra trees on their huge heads, and the lively, angry and solemn

roar, of ocean-waves, which I found them verily watching me. Something prompted me

to continue walking, and made me feel unsafe to sit down there. I walked. I was

physically tired. I sat on the sand.

Suddenly, the atmosphere took to a new glow. A strange peace

descended on me. My fear was gone. Great joy possessed me. There were no worries. I

found that I was OK. I told myself that now I know God. My heart and mind became light.

There was clarity beyond all doubt. I saw the Universe is always benevolent. I started

walking in a very very slow pace. As I was walking, when small huts started appearing on

my way, as well as birds live and dead, dogs, humans, I became rigid, and when I reached

the Basilica, I found myself the normal person with all his woes and agonies.

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s I was sitting in the bus stand, for my bus, - the psychic world got suddenly

opened up. I perceived the cruel realities happening around me. As Richard says,

unless you have nerves of steel, one cannot bear the pain of psychic. Psychic is both love

and hate and its vibes are crude.

hough Richard is the easiest person to get in touch with, he will also be the very

tough person to have access in certain situations. If he decides that contact is

redundant or superfluous he may choose not to respond. To an outsider it may seem to

be not courteous enough, and his online behaviour very odd. And he never cares about

that. This is one of his peculiarities. I take it like this. He lives what he preaches.

ichard always says that he is highly unpredictable. Considering the fact that he

lives moment by moment it is OK. But the side effect is that he is considered by

many as very unreliable.

ll over the world, a hen’s egg is almost of the same size. Who or what decides it?

Richard’s answer will be it is Universal Intelligence at work. Then, one can go on

wondering at its functions in various functions and fields of natural life.

Page | 4

ll along the history of Humanity, innumerable teachers appeared and taught that

theirs is the ultimate teaching. But it has not brought peace or happiness on earth.

Instead only wars have happened. In a way, AF too declares as the final and sure

alternative for Peace. I personally accept that it has that capacity, different from what the

teachers promised. The reason is the old teachers’ solutions are found within Human

Condition. With AF it is found beyond Human Condition.

blivion is our actual state. So, all the spiritual stuff that speaks about ‘awareness’

go meaningless. To put it right, ‘awareness of oblivion’, may bring the actuality,

our aspired results, peace and happiness.

ichard told me, he always feels himself to be a boy of 14 years old. He could not

think of himself other than that.

ut quite strangely, few months back I had repeated experiences myself to be a 2

years old baby (it is two years since I became actually free) and Richard to be a

young mother of 19 (it is 19 years since R became actually free) who gave birth to me. I

felt great comfort and felicity and my process into Actuality got enhanced with this kind

of experience. I felt utter safety in it. When I communicated to Richard about this, he

wrote me that Vineeto too have had this kind of experience.

Page | 5

ri Aurobindo speaks about Cosmic Determinates. A cow is a quiet and peaceful

animal, whereas a monkey is a restless animal always jumping hither and thither.

Fox is a cunning animal. A tiger is a ferocious animal. This means extraneous forces

determine the quality of the creatures. Sri Aurobindo goes further to say humans too are

conditioned by certain forces. The ancient science of Astrology has outlined some fixed

laws by which the species and humans are governed. AF shatters this myth. It says,

though they are real, it is not the ACTUAL. This is the beauty and freedom of AF.

have concluded like this. Richard burns himself with ‘yagna’ fire, in the form of

cigarettes. It is part of his Tapas, (self-immolation). I think he has voluntarily

subjected his body to this treatment. It is not that he has no will power to stop it. Even

there he proved without smoking for 5 long years. Then he decides to burn himself for a

noble cause. If he didn’t smoke it will be selfishness. If he smokes, it is unselfishness.

ame thing happened for me too. By more than 25 years of stern and rigid spiritual

practices, my body became very sensitive. I could not tolerate even a drop of

coffee or alcohol. But when I found my enlightenment was going to the dogs, I dared to

experiment with further realms of inner conquest. I discovered the ‘spirit’ in alcohol

helped me, to make some impossible breakthroughs into another dimension called

Actual Freedom, where not many humans have ever dared to go there, in the entire

history of mankind. So I submitted myself to this harrowing experiment. It proved a

success for me. I don’t say alcohol will help everyone for such feats. As I used it, as a part

of my discipline, I escaped the adverse effects of it too. It was my way of Tapas (altruistic

self-immolation).

Page | 6

very human being, at one time or other , feels nauseated about his/her own body.

A body made up of flesh, bones, blood, gas, phlegm, urine, faeces, sweats,

nasty smell in the arm pits, loins, and the mouth etc.etc. Religions speak of this body as

sacred as well as profane. Richard speaks of this physical world, and this flesh and blood

body comprising the magic wonderland. I have sufficiently experienced all this but my

leaning is always towards bodiless peace. Of course, there will be nobody without a body.

Richard also writes that every human beings secret wish is to disappear into the oblivion.

ichard always concluded with me, even serious discussions with this final word

with a grand smile, ‘And all is just fun’ In the beginning, I could not accept fully,

and thought life on earth is unbelievably cruel, but slowly nowadays, can see that life

can only be ultimately fun, and nothing else.

had a new doubt. Perhaps Richard, Justine and all other daring AF pioneers

probing into the mystery of the Infinite may not bring any fruitful results. But I

remembered Richard’s words, that AF may spread in the world or not, but that is where

the actual freedom, freedom in the real sense is.

Page | 7

ndia being such a hot country, my greatest bodily pleasure is to sleep for few

hours every day in a cool air-conditioned room. That is ultimate heaven for me.

My brain neurons really need them.

ow I could simultaneously experience my beginningless and endless aspect of my

Actuality, and my life in time.

clue to AF. Just see the Infinitude in your mind’s eye – as a limitless and endless

factor and also try to see it eternally expressing itself as you, me and others.

Here you get something precious and valuable. You should learn the knack by yourself.

This is one of the keys to a wonderful opening.

hat happens after my physical death can be experienced even now. What happens

after death? I will not be there, as well as the others won’t be. Not only I can

see that now, but I can live that too. What stops me? Nothing.

Page | 8

veryone’s life is filled with lot of humiliations. Human beings mutually humiliate

one another and by so many other ways create sufferings to themselves. The

Pristine Actuality exists beyond all dichotomies and sufferings. Ultimately, is there any

meaning for our sufferings? Not at all. After all, it is the Universe that is experiencing

itself as you and me. Suffering exists only in the Human Condition. The eternally free

Universe floats for ever in sublime purity, blithe and felicity.

any delight in hair-splitting arguments about actual freedom. They don’t know,

there is more delight in experiencing actual freedom rather than endlessly

arguing about it. Even some basic intuitions can take one to it. One need not master the

‘genitors’ web site, or other peoples’ writings on AF.

ne trick of the AF game I share with all. Write and complete your own brief diction

of AF, with your own choice words, from available sources. It should

be framed in your native style. It should be brief and small as much as possible. It should

become your Bible. If you are Vincent, it should become Vincent’s Bible. At least for 6

months, don’t open any other readings on AF from other sources. I condensed Richard’s

words into a TINY 9 PAGE BIBLE and lived on it, for a year. At that period, I controlled my

temptation to read more AF literature, from many other sources, which will confuse one

further. AF doors opened quickly for me. JUSTINE’S BIBLE did the miracle.

ichard delights in sophistry. As a path-finder, he has to equate his material to that

of the vast and sophisticated theories and practices of various world religions

and theories of life. It is not that AF is another religion. But he seems to have felt the

need, in his writings, to establish that high standard and richness of world class writings

of various sources.

Page | 9

omeone said, in his writings, Richard wants to IMPRESS rather than to EXPRESS. I

don’t think so. But he uses a flamboyant language style. He has amazing

vocabulary in his repertoire. I find his penchant for accuracy, as well as a farm boy’s

boost of high gear English, which of course makes his style bit tiresome.

he following are my ongoing experiences:

Now everything is converging to a homogeneous experience.

Moments are met in complete pockets, without the burden of past or future, though there

is stress-free continuity of it.

Crying for my dead father, or my living daughter, seems to be a wasteful activity.

One feels like a bird on its wings, or a flower/boat on a running stream.

Meaninglessness of worries and tensions is explicitly seen.

While obliteration comforts, safety strengthens, spontaneous unshakability bears.

Actual freedom seems amusingly simple, easy and a fun.

The harmless, benevolent Richard’s energy, has overhauled and purified the dross in my

body and mind, and has tuned to a new pitch of Purity and felicity.

The sorrow of the world stands at a distance, with the protective care of the benevolent

Universe. And very conveniently, I have nothing to do for that, except enjoying my

freedom, and not deploring in despair, which is seen as a wasteful activity.

Page | 10

Both sorrow and joy (though they are there) have no dominating grip on me, because

they are affective states, and not actual.

Broad vistas of more possibilities of freedom have blossomed.

Feeling lazy to lament or cry. Taste of freedom lingers in body limbs with a sweetness.

Without poetic imagery, moments are actually fresh and peaceful.

Others sorrow are not absorbed like sponge in my mind.

Confidence has multiplied towards more clarity and peace.

“All is Well’, is the basic note.

Something much more than compassion has entered, where hatred becomes

meaningless.

I have zero attraction and zero repulsion for sex. It is a comfortable state to be free, from

the constant pressure of instinctual sexual urge. Sex can be fun. But I find lazy to seek

that fun. In future, if I choose an occasion to avail it, it is impossible, for instinctual

passion there to arise, except the libido by choice.

Page | 11

ew days back my wife, a retired Government Pharmacist gave me graciously, a

powerful oil, for my leg pain. It cured my pain within 3 days. Though she doesn’t

like me, she is caring in many ways. A typical Indian wife.

n the next few seconds, at the further leap of my walk, a morbidly worn and torn

old beggar woman extended her hand to me for alms, the wood in me turned into

wax for a split second, and grew into rigid iron and it remained. I call this affectlessly

affect.

efore our birth, we never knew ourselves. Only on my birth in a physical body, I

come to know myself and in physical death all is obliterated. Oblivion remains.

Oblivion is our permanent state.

Page | 12

hen I politely asked with a shopkeeper, a stranger, for a pocket note book, he

barked on my face wildly that there was no stock. Others beside me felt a shock. I

stood like a wood and moved away. I could feel neither anger or pity for his bad temper

and irrational behaviour. No impulse to advice him to guard his manners. I saw someone

started doing it on my behalf.

t is all we, humans, who complicate our life, through philosophies of various

kinds. Life itself is very simple and delightful.

ruce Lee, the famous Actor and Martial Artist, died at the age of 33. His Magnum

Opus, the movie ‘Enter the Dragon’ was released, three weeks after his death. It

was a great and monumental success. But, he was not there to enjoy that success. Name,

fame, money, glamour, glitz and glory all disappear like smoke. But man wants them

madly.

veryone knows, that God’s presence or absence, will never get proved. No one can

prove God’s presence. No one can prove God’s absence. Richard’s arguments,

and the counter-arguments of his opponents, can never get proved in any way. It is the

inner experience that decides its worth. Arguments do not take us anywhere.

Page | 13

can see with my own eyes, my hands and legs etc. But I could never see my own

heart , or lungs or intestines (without devices). Nature has them for its own

purpose. I claim right on them as mine. The fact is, I do not belong to myself.

have a curious question to ask. Nature gives a certain intelligence to a dog. We

know almost all the dogs of the world, have a certain level of intelligence. A

trained Police dog may have 5% more intelligence. But can a dog ever attain

transcendence? At least to that of human intelligence? It cannot. Nature does not allow

that. Man has certain level of intelligence. Some rare humans attain enlightenment and

transcendence. Does nature allow that? Or is it man’s own imagination? And there is no

such thing as Enlightenment? Of course, I myself have had the experience of getting

enlightened. It was real, but the peace was not real. I can say, Nature allows man to get

enlightened, but it is only the half way. I can say, Nature has privileged humans to go still

further to become actually free, through Actual Freedom. When one becomes actually

free, there is no room for any doubt – because that is a self-revealing experience beyond

all doubts or intellectual oscillations. It is a self-luminous Light.

any think, an actually free person will be 24x7 keeping in his mind, all the

dictums of AF, as a radical Christian’s brain will be brimming with sacred biblical

quotes all the time, or any deeply committed religionist’s brain will be filled with the

scriptural sutras, all the time. Not at all. Those mental aids are conveniently left, though

they are available always for recall, and the state of freedom is experienced without the

burden of words and conditionings.

ll questions cannot be answered. Word is not the final thing. The Ultimate remains

beyond vocabulary. If one writes on life, a million pages, it is ‘ABOUT LIFE’, and

‘NOT LIFE’ itself. ‘LIFE’ cannot be revealed through any amount of words, or no words.

LIFE is LIFE.

Page | 14

s one can raise intelligent question, one can also raise silly questions and

wantonly absurd questions. Even an intelligent man cannot answer a silly and/or

otherwise, ‘ill-will’ coated question.

nd it is a simple fact, that two oppositely viewing individuals, can never satisfy

one another, by mutual queries and replies.

There are so many things to discuss in AF. Why many are obsessed only with

'affect'?

Page | 15

lso, if one asks a question anticipating a particular reply of his own liking, in

accordance with his own conclusions, such questions too cannot be satisfactorily

answered even by a good intentioned person.

ittle tears add salt to life.

know an able and successful Hypnotherapist, who can regress any person, at the

count of ten, and make him/her weep 'uncontrollably'. This is a sign that each

human has 'repressed tears' in himself/herself.

ven a high school student knows that men die more of heart attack, than women,

because, men cry less and women cry more, and crying is a 'stress-release’

mechanism.

Page | 16

t is said that the smallest sentence in the Holy Bible is, 'JESUS WEPT'. Many

worship Jesus as god. Many call him as crackpot too. Whatever it is, this man who

cried for Humanity, though he failed to bring peace to humanity, remains a cause for

many good humanitarian things, than the tyrants and dictators, who never cried in their

life, at least openly, and had been great peril to humanity. It should be noted that Jesus is

not responsible for the evils that followed by those who created a religion after him.

f crying is a shameful thing, why Nature maintains, the tear glands, as 'safety

valves for stress', as it maintains testicles and ovaries for reproduction?

ll the moments, that I suffered in my life of 63 years, are just a waste. All the other

moments, that I enjoyed, are somewhat good. But though I am neutral of

love/hate to my wife and friends, if my wife dies today, my eyes may get wet, though

some may say J. is not ‘affect-free’, and so not actually free. What these philosophers will

do? They will make a hearty laugh when their dear ones die?

or all people, moments are perceived by 'affective' faculty. To the actually free

person, moments are apperceived by 'affectlessly affect‘ faculty. For all and the

actually free persons, when they are asleep, 'affect' and the 'affectlessly affect' are absent.

Color red is distinguished from color green, by sensorially 'affective' for all. For the

actually free person, red or green are aesthetic 'Effect', which is an 'affectless affect.

Bad odour or good smell, though sensuous perception for all, it is

'affective' as unpleasant and pleasant. To the actually free person, it is 'affectlessly

affective' where he is free to exercise his choice of 'like' or 'dislike'. He need not dip his

nostril into the stinking mess and sing merrily he has no 'affect'. It is natural for humans

to detest bad odour. If an onlooker comments, that the professing actually free person is

not actually free, because he avoids bad odour, will be ridiculous. These are aesthetic

preferences.

Page | 17

n actually free person, though he goes beyond the 'Human Condition', biologically,

nothing changes, except some significant changes in his brain neurons, involving

the amygdala.

overhear my wife talking over phone to my friend, lies upon lies, libel, about me

for some reason. I have no emotion, not even a ripple in me. This is 100% freedom

from 'affective'. Afterwards, I call that misinformed friend and explain the falsehood my

wife perpetrated to him is 'affectlessly affective' for me.. fhjbhhvhvghvcghgcghgcgg

For an onlooker it is 'affective'. For me 100% 'non-affective'.

n actually free person is inevitably affected by others around him. For an onlooker

he may seem to be 'affective', but he will be 100% immune from 'affect',

for which there is no way to see from outside. He may apparently do something that may

not be indicative of his freedom within, or even belie his position as opposite of what he

is. Richard is thronged by intelligent and silly questions. He is not affected by any of them.

But there is no way to prove that he is not 'affective'. Not even that. An Actually free

person cannot be identified by others, unless he himself declares it, or gets identified by

another actually free person. This is the situation.

Page | 18

here can be no life on this earth without the 'affective'. 'Unknowingly affective' is

bondage. 'Knowingly affective' is freedom. But 'affective' is a fact of life.

midst many concerns in my actually free life, there was one regarding my friend a

young man of 25 years, who by the pressure of his instinctual passions made

many tricks knowingly and unknowingly to himself and to me, to possess me, and

inviting misery to himself and me. I felt like losing all interest in him. But how sweet were

his pretended manners?

s there a world? No. Actually, there is only the Pristine Actuality expressing itself

in the form of five elements, earth, water, fire, air and ether. The living beings

design, and construct by mixing the five elements, for different purposes, basically for

dwelling. Ants construct ant hills, foxes their burrows, birds their nests, and humans

their huts and skyscrapers. These are made by the imagination and ingenuity of living

beings for their needs by the spun of five elements. As 'Me" is my own imaginary

construct, world is an imaginary construct of the masses. Beyond that there is no other

world. ALL IS ONLY THE PRISTINE ACTUALITY. The gross physical world, subtle

heavenly worlds, gods, God are all human constructs. Physical atoms are the only

ACTUAL as five elements. Actual forever remains 'dynamically static', forever changing

and still remaining the same, beginningless, endless, and limitless, which humans calls as

Eternal and Infinite. There is no other WORLD except the Pristine Actuality.

Page | 19

ne thing I feel sorry, even now, is that I didn’t care properly about Richard’s spinal

cord pain, when he was here with me. I have been cruel with him. At least I

should have asked, ‘Are you alright Richard?’. I didn’t do that.

nfinite forever remains the Infinite. I/Me can never become the Infinite. All that I

can do is enjoy/suffer the moments and in physical death disappear into oblivion.

Whole responsibility is with Infinite. That alone can know how to do things. I could

never. Ah! What a freedom.!!

hen Richard came to India, it was the peak of the summer. During his stay in our

house, one day, by evening, I entered his room. He was just coming out of the

bath room, with a towel around his waist, after a cold shower of bath. When we got

seated, I looked at his face and he cast a 'still-look', on mine, along with a mild

exhilarating sigh of ease, comfort and pleasure. I felt something moved up from the base

of my spine. There was a pleasant bolt of 'energy current' s hot up to my head. I saw there

in Richard, just a LIVE FLESH AND BLOOD PHYSICAL BODY, only, There was nobody

there. The person in that body was EXTINCT. A mere physical body, staring on my eyes.

These things were just for 30 seconds. But it left an indelible impression in me. It is as if it

happened few minutes back. When this encounter comes to my mind, I get fixed to that

moment. I see myself as just a physical body. And I could see the absence of I/me. I never

is/was/will be. The alien entity, the intruder is missing there, who was real in my

spiritual days. ........................................................................................................................................................

Page | 20

nce in a while, Nature allows me to have a peep into the domain of the Actual

Infinitude. Recently, it lasted for 3 long minutes. It is always awful, nerve-shaking,

panic-ridden, unbelievable, though SWEET and delightful. In those moments, it is

doubtful, whether the Infinite cares us or not. In that vastness, humanity seems not even

worth the dust. There it is also seen that the Infinitude is intimately caring us. But none

of our pettiness, silliness, and morbidness ever reach or touch the Infinite. No dirt enters

the actual at all. Unfortunately, we humans have chosen to live and wallow like worms in

the filth.

f I don't know the Actual, then I inevitably live illusion and delusion, every

moment of my life.

or an onlooker, I may seem to suffer ‘affective’, but in my space of Actual Freedom,

I don’t suffer affectivity. When and where it is crystal clear, that the Pristine

Actuality does not suffer affectivity, any personal affectivity can not only be imaginary,

but a MEANINGLESS melodrama, though it is still being experienced.

Page | 21

anifest, unmanifest, modified, unmodified. Changes, changless – these are all

human coinage, and the Pristine Actuality has no affectivity at all. That is my

place of Actual Freedom, where my personal ‘affectivity’, and ‘non-affectivity’ are

MEANINGLESS.

n the PRISTINE ACTUALITY, it is always the NOW. The centuries ‘before’ or the

centuries ‘after’ are all NOW to the ACTUAL. Time is a human invention for their

own convenience. Actually, there is no time. ACTUAL ALWAYS IS. Even the ‘NOW’ is a

human coinage.

y entering the AF dimension, one’s body and mind do not change overnight. Some

habits continue. Earlier your eyes dripped tears of sorrow or tears of joy. At

that time, you thought that they were ‘hours of grace’. Being in AF, these eyes may drip

tears by habit. But you clearly know, it is not grace. It can be unloading of some pressure,

a biological way of celebrating some fulfilment, an overflowing of overwhelming sense of

Purity of oneself or one’s mentor, a shock-reflex of contact with the refined, powerful,

harmless, benevolent energy of one’s guide. These ‘affects’ are KNOWINGLY

EXPERIENCED NOW, not ignorantly as before. It is like evacuating one’s bladder or

bowels.

o animal laughs except humans. All animals cry including humans. Crying is a sign

of a fairly peak experience, in a body mind. That’s all. It need not necessarily have

instinctual base or root. Even the crying of a person, NOT actually free, may not always

be from instinctual passions. To the actually free, the crying could never be from the

instinctual passions, because he has extinguished them, extirpated them by altruistic self-

immolation. But in that process, his tear glands too are not extinguished or extirpated.

His tear glands are not removed as in lobotomy surgery, as they cut the connections to

and fro, from the prefrontal cortex, in frontal lobes of the brain.

e say passionate kiss, passionate intercourse etc., to indicate sexual act, to be a

sort of intense activity. A person who has become actually free from instinctual

passions, if he chooses, he can involve himself in an intense sexual intercourse, though he

is free of the instinctual sexual urge. It does not disqualify him from his free state.

Though he is in zero libido, he can invite it on demand, and have a sex act. Same way, if he

occasionally gets into intense crying for something, it is not the instinctual passions that

drive him towards that, but altogether something else.

Page | 22

hen I write these sentences, this necessarily involves some mix of seemingly

‘affective’ faculty. If the onlooker judges that I am not AF, but severe case of

‘affect’, all that I can do is just to smile and pass.

ach and every minute, every one of us are surrounded by many traps. They are

inevitable. It is a knack to just float above them, that comes to one, when the wide

AF doors open.

don’t want to be a Xerox of Richard. Imitation is suicide. Richard has his own

tastes and thrills of life. I have mine. I believe, even in AF, individuality has a place

though the identity is abolished.

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ven me calling my wife as ‘MY’ wife has ‘affect’ in it. If we want to argue, we can go

on endlessly. It won’t lead us anywhere. This is the minus side of debates. That’s

why Richard wrote, ‘Exit the intellectual masturbation and enter the Actual’.

hen Richard said to me that ‘wherever he goes women will always follow him’, I

thought he must be a macho man. Later I realized how much greatly he respects

women, and how he honours them as a mystery in themselves in existence. I found his

taste and involvement with them is not just sex, but much more than that.

ll species cry. If a human says he can not cry, he must be lesser than even an

animal, subhuman and INHUMAN. He must be a crippled creature, an abnormal

birth, a defective birth, if not a freak in nature.

n all species, including humans, the male and female copulate each other with

great delight. Will they sit side by side and defecate? They won't do. Why?

Instinctual sex urge is BLIND. It knows no shame. When a husband and wife want to

defecate, they go separate, because they are self-conscious.

n my teens, when the first churnings of spiritual aspirations started, it was very

confusing. I met many people of repute with lots of doubts. One important person

was Rev. Bede Griffiths., a Benedictine monk, who lived in Kulittalai, Trichy. He could not

help me. He invited me to live in his ashram, the idea which I didn’t like. Every day, I was

tormented by my quest for God. At one time, Bede sent me to another priest who had

secured a M.A. degree in Psychology in the 1930s from a Swiss University. In those days,

it was a rare qualification. That M.A. Psychology, could not only help me, but made my

position become very worse. Bede after a long thought felt, that he should not have sent

me to that outdated psychologist. Fortunately, I was lucky to meet my spiritual guru Sri

La Sri Pandrimalai Swamikal. I was cured of my malady and I became very much

composed and that guru instilled in me a new faith and confidence in life and that went

on for many more years.

Page | 24

hen I am in my house, I have an identity, as so and so, husband or parent of so and

so etc. When I walk on the road as a stranger, where nobody knows me, in my

own town or in a far off place, what identity do I have except my gender and

Nationality?

or me personally, Richard is mother Nature’s gift to humanity. I have toiled more

than 40 years in the barren lands of spirituality.Which never gave me actual

peace. Within a year I came in touch with Richard, not directly or through any mail, but

through words in his web site, I WAS HEALED, I got what I wanted. No one nee d to doubt

my statement, whether I am bribed by him to write like this. He is as poor a man, as I am.

repeatedly say, I am more drawn to Richard’s message, rather than to Richard,

because from the beginning I did not need his personal help. Sorry to say this, it

was he who came here uninvited, and got solemnly invited by us too.

here are CRUDE methods to AF too. But they won’t have the coolness of the

official path. No big results will come. It will have the result of reading a book of

Marcus Aurelius or Rajneesh. Tell yourself, ‘I was never born’, or ‘I am a lie’. Go on

hammering it day and night. First your mind will resist. Some may experience nausea and

head-spin. Freedom zones will start appearing, though they won’t be stable. If one

persists, it may bring in PCEs or VF. It will be almost impossible to move beyond that.

One can have a taste of AF. That’s all. In a matter of days, it will work. There will be no

dangers of the short-cuts in it, because your system will automatically drop it, if it rejects

it. I can deliver more than hundred CRUDE devices. But the safety, comfort, felicity,

blitheness and the thrill of AF in its original form, is unspeakable and million times more

than the other attempts.

Page | 25

would like to tell the whole world, where Richard stepped into our home, there is

PEACE, all discordant notes avenged, and there is an energy field which not only

is experienced by me, but by my family members and the resultant peace spreads to our

neighborhood too.

hen I finished drawing money from the ATM, the ATM guard in his uniform and

badge, made an unusual request with me. He asked for some money for his Tea. I

underwent an ‘affectless affect’. Mild shock and surprise. No ATM guard can do this, and

he should not do this. If the officials come to know it, he will lose his job. I realized his

poverty and helplessness. India is really very poor country, in spite of all its spiritual

wealth. This unusual incident would have made me melancholic in my spiritual days.

Without any emotion, I gave the guard a ten rupee currency note, which he thankfully

accepted. The event did not get registered in my mind or heart. Coming out of the ATM, I

started enjoying the fast moving vehicles on the road.

rom my younger days, and mostly even now, I prefer sign language than spoken

words. For instance if the Train conductor comes and asks details about the

tickets, I will show hands to the people of mine, and will start keeping quite, instead of

going in for long verbal explanation. It saves my time and energy. And I always prefer

‘one word answers’.

he Pristine Actuality bears, equally a fragile mosquito and the President of a

country.

Page | 26

was married in 1978. With the birth of my daughter in 1979, marriage lost all its

charm and allurement for me. At that time, I was busily engaged in spiritual

sadhana of Kundalini too. I was undergoing very bizarre and radical biological, mental,

and psychological experiences. There was one particular urge in me, just for a while, to

go away to a far off place, where no one will know my identity. I got into a ship, the

Oceanliner S.S.Nancowry at Madras Port bound for Port Blair, in Andaman Islands. The

ship moved into the ocean by 4-00 pm. The Madras shore was visible till 6-00 pm. I had a

special cabin, an exclusive room for me, for which my company paid on Leave Travel

Concession. I could have taken my wife, and my parents free on that trip. But I wanted to

be alone.

That evening was joyful for me. Many were drinking around me. But at

that age I was not introduced to drinks. I was curious what kind of happiness drink can

give. But I was more drawn to the silence, that was enveloping the ship, as darkness was

falling. On the top deck, I was sitting on a bench, and looking at the vast ocean. Around 7-

00 pm, a young man came, and sat beside me. I asked him, ‘you are Rajendran from

Tanjore, no?’. He said yes, and asked how did I know him. If fact, he was new to me. In

those days, I can tell anyone’s name and many of their personal details, just on seeing a

person. This psychic gift was active in me from my adolescent years, and it left me

partially, on becoming actually free. Still it is active vaguely. When I explained it to him

along with some secrets which he alone knew, he was shocked beyond belief, and

started showing too much respect. Indians always regard yogis and spiritual gurus. He

told me that, I must be a Siddha.

Page | 27

The journey in those days took 3 days, from Madras to Port Blair. All the time, that young

man took care of me personally. I had no plan where to stay in Port Blair. This young man

took me to a rich business man’s house, and I was treated as a honorable guest for a

week. They took me to various places of sight-seeing. Every day, many visitors would

come to have my blessings and advices.

On my return journey after a week, in the same ship, one night I was

sitting in the top deck. It was a full-moon day, and it was mid night. The ocean was

shimmering in moon light. One could see thousands of fishes jumping everywhere like

silver streaks. Slowly a peace started descending on me. It grew in intensity. Waves of

pleasure passed through my body, and the mind became still. Life seemed to be an utterly

delightful thing. The universe seemed a benevolent and blessed one. All seemed well.

There was a powerful presence protecting everything. All was peace. For more than an

hour, I was in that Purity, Peace and Benevolence. That memory is still as fresh, as if it

happened just yesterday, though 30 years are gone by now. Surely, it was a PCE.

Page | 28

can even give a tip for wine lovers, with my yoga experiences. After consuming

alcohol, never sit sedentary, as in watching a TV. Walk in any available means.

Best is to walk outdoors at least a kilometer. If indoors, keep on walking on the open

terrace, or inside rooms, non-stop for at least 20 minutes. All the poisons, and unwanted

elements in alcohol, will get eliminated from your body, unbelievably quickly, and you

won’t suffer any hangover, or head pain. Cheers!

he great Tamil Poet Bharathiyar, was not recognized in his own days. He was

almost starving all his life, though he died young. For his death funeral only

4persons attended. But now he is the pride of Tamilnad. He is treated as the Top Most

Poet of this place, as Maha Kavi (The Great Poet). There are Universities by his name. In

human history, this is the fate of great people and pathfinders. When they live they are

not honored, but ill-treated. After their demise, humanity celebrates them as the great.

he house where I live now is our ‘own’ house. My wife has given out for rent, the

two houses in the down floor. We live in the upstairs. The tenants of those houses

for more than 3 years, don’t know that I am the husband of the land lady. They think

that, I must be a tenant in the terrace room. That’s how I live in silence and seclusion.

Strange indeed.

Page | 29

great Tamil Poet Kavignar Kannadasan, who very much relished wine, used to

dictate his ‘immortal verses’ always while just walking inside his room, of course

with little drinks.

ife is a one way journey. Even if I want, I cannot come back to life, after my death. I

will be gone forever. Even if rebirth may be true, I won’t remember me as I know

now. And how precious are my moments! But people live lethargic lives, like zombies,

being a menace to themselves and to others. What a pity, and how cruel?

ctually, there is neither me nor the others except the Pristine Actuality. Seeing this

fact itself can make the AF doors open, instead of endlessly arguing about theories

and practices.

Page | 30

hen myself, Richard, and P.D. from Bangalore were sitting on our house terrace,

the talk on astrology and numerology came up. Richard and P.D. unanimously

laughed at the idea that astrology can be real. I wanted to discuss a data with them. Each

species has a particular NUMBER of chromosomes. Plants 14 chromosomes, Fish-24, and

Humans 46 chromosomes. Numbers somehow rule our lives. But the range of talk went

differently and I did not speak. But after many months, I understood that Richard is right

when he outright cancels astrology and numerology etc. Because they come under the

Human Condition. There may be unbelievable synch. in them. And any solution within

the Human condition is not a solution at all. It is like rearranging the furnitures in the

Titanic. And they cannot take us to freedom. The Pristine Actuality opens, beyond

Human condition only. And now I am glad that I am able to appreciate Richard’s way of

seeing.

n my early days of efforts towards AF, day by day I started eliminating activities,

interests, wasteful hobbies and gave room only for essential and inevitable

activities. That way I conserved energy for the contemplation of AF that helped me to

achieve my goal easy and fast. In the beginning, it will be bit tough, but then it will be

rapidly easy.

ne curious thing I noted with Richard is this. Once he drops something, he drops it

forever. Nothing or none can force it back on him. He is sincere to himself and

because of this, his PEACE has grown in leaps and bounds. He remains unshaken with

these kinds of spontaneous disciplines.

write not to convert anyone. I am not an agent or salesman of AF. I am least

interested in anyone’s change towards anything. Just because, some friends

requested me to share my experiences with AF, I write on them. If some find my words

useful or useless IT DOES NOT AFFECT ME.

Page | 31

nce Richard wrote me that to attain AF, one need not do anything. At that time, I

could not understand him. Now I can say he is quite right.

ne can 'SEE', the ACTUAL, by one's own physical eyes. Look at a neem tree, being

maintained as a neem tree, a mango tree as a mango tree. A rose is maintained the

rose, the jasmine as jasmine. It is the visible action of the Actual. This is the physical

'seeing' of the Actual. Whole day you can enjoy, with various activities of the Actual.

Page | 32

his morning I read a news in the news papers. Yesterday, a gentleman boarded the

plane at Chennai Airport, bound for Bahrain. 20 minutes after the take off, he

put his hand into his coat pocket. He didn't know that there was a huge black scorpion

inside that pocket. The vicious creature ferociously stung his fingers repeatedly, injecting

a good dose of its venom into his blood stream. He shrieked and howled with pain and

agony. The Air Hostesses got panicked and attended on him. On his request, they

removed his coat, found the poisonous insect, threw it out, crushed it with their shoes to

its death. The plane was flown back to Chennai, and the unfortunate man was rushed to a

hospital. ...

When I read this, as any normal person, I too felt it, as if I myself was

stung by the scorpion. Affect. But the difference is I am 'knowingly affect'. My freedom

remains intact. I have a statistics that about 100 persons do have scorpion bite, and

about 50 persons have snake bites per second, on this earth. Please see, repeatedly, every

second. If I get affected by this fact, can I live peacefully? And, there are many accidents,

deaths of ill health, murders and suicides. In what way they affect me? Not at all. But I

know the pain of it. This I call the 'affectlessly affect'. Affect is bondage. 'Knowingly affect'

is freedom.

recommend beginners to get into all kinds of hard-core practices. Otherwise, they

cannot break the iron-chains in which they are tied up. These chains and traps are

morbid indeed. Unflinching effort and arduous tapas, altruistic self-immolation alone can

give freedom.

arth condition (Human condition), is CRUCIALLY in tough situation indeed. Many

people striving for freedom alone can bring some change here.

hen I personally got acquainted with Richard, he seemed to me more mellow and

soft like molten wax, and simultaneously harder than diamond. Both qualities

go with him without discard.

Page | 33

greatly recommend the DhO Dharma practices, and they will be of real value to

break the barriers towards freedom. Its founder has created a wonderful means

and system of efforts towards freedom. I love that man’s efforts and practicalities he

offers to his candidates.

ichard is not God. He is more than that. For me personally, he is the Pristine

Actuality. I won’t come into argument with others, about this personal preference.

ur intuition says that God, Pristine Actuality, or Nature, that source which brings

us here must be innately free and we are not separate from it. But, why do we find

it difficult to see that we are already free in it, as it is ALWAYS FREE?

s I am walking on this street, do I ever think of the parallel road to this one? No, I

just see the road ahead and walk. As I ignore the parallel road, I ignore the

thoughts of other time or space. I quietly walk without the burden of thoughts. Even the

ten feet ahead, happens when I step on that spot of 10th feet. The Infinite, Eternal

Actuality, is conscious of itself everywhere and all-at-once. It runs the show. Nothing is in

my responsibility, not even the next step ahead. The Actual performs it. Then, am I the

Actual? NO. I’m an illusion in the Actual. This is where the spiritual people go astray. They

imagine that they have become Omniscient, and fill their head with SCRAP. That yogi

master, while walking on the road will say, just now he did something 8,000 km. away. It

is possible. But jamming the brain. I don’t do that. Actual cares it all. I am redundant. All

is well when I abolish me. What a luxury!

Page | 34

he purity and perfection envisaged by Richard is really tremendous. I know I am

not up to his mark. But I am steadily working towards the ‘place’, which I call

‘Richard’s Place’. That is unique. And it calls for deep commitment and sincerity.

F should be enjoyed at microscopic level, not by macro-cosmical dimension of the

mystics. Expanding one’s own ego, as Pious Egoists do, is veritable HELL.

ow can deluding myself as ‘all space and all time is ME’, give me Peace? It will give

me only mental torture. Seeing clearly that ‘I am not even a tiny shadow in the

Actual’, is Actual Freedom. Only the Pristine Actuality is all the time and all the space.

That is exclusively the domain of the Actuality. I too can enjoy it in each moment, but I am

bound to disappear into oblivion in my physical death, where the Actuality will remain

for ever.

on-being is my eternal fact. Just seeing this too can make me instantly free.

Page | 35

am God’ is madness’. ‘I am not real even as a mosquito’, is actual freedom.

ust one simple moment of clear seeing of the Actual, can clear the dust and

rubbish of centuries.

shifted a currency note from my shirt pocket into a Purse. What

happened? Nothing happened. This is how, though the Pristine Actuality shifts its

atoms in perpetuus mobilis, NOTHING HAPPENS INDEED .But, how much we humans

are alarmed at changes happening around us, personally and universally.

herever I may wander in mind, time and space, there is one spot in me, where I

am eternally, a non-being. Every moment, I act from that spot. It is the 'actually

free' spot. To the 'actually free spot', action;inaction, sound;silence, movement;non-

movement, are all SAME. No difference. Affective;non-affective too are same.

Page | 36

very moment of suffering is a sheer waste. In the back ground, and as base, there

is the flawless, peaceful, blitheful, endless purity and perfection of Pristine

Actuality brimming all along.

ichard has successfully written his script. Any person, with average intellect can

easily understand it. It is bound to awaken the 'intuition', that is inherent in

each person. That 'intuition' will make that person say, 'Yes, things could be only like

this'. If this faculty refuses to open in a person for some reason, he is bound to argue

against Richard, and will become angry to tell Richard to eat shit.

Page | 37

am walking on the road. I see that I may abruptly die on the way and my body may

fall down by any kind of cause, or even without a cause. Well. Let us take

that I am dead and fallen down. What happened? NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. An

imaginary entity and its imaginary thought currents, are extinguished, made EXTINCT,

extirpated, deleted, erased, in the INFINITE.

No trace is left either of its appearance or disappearance. Both were unreal.

AND THE PRISTINE ACTUALITY REMAINS INTACT !

Also by Justine:

1. Actual Freedom – Made Easy

http://www.scribd.com/doc/84877549

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B-B_O_ms6bsYLXNxQWsyaFdSVUN3NlBJbTExSkthQQ

2. Justine’s Memoirs On Actual Freedom

http://www.scribd.com/doc/89160012/Justine-s-Memoirs-on-Actual-Freedom-Part-I

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B-B_O_ms6bsYMkt2TWVVbTAxNHM

3. Justine’s Reflections On Actual Freedom

http://www.scribd.com/doc/95410536/Justine-s-Reflections-on-Actual-Freedom

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B-B_O_ms6bsYVkZLTndzMUdQLWs

4. Elaboration Of Actual Freedom.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/95715094/Elaboration-of-Actual-Freedom

https://docs.google.com/open?id=0B-B_O_ms6bsYR1B3V0xqajFyY2s