lisgarwrite june edition
TRANSCRIPT
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[
This IssueDiscovery Channel's new venture p
Importance of useless homework pRevolutionary changes at Lisgar p.1
Next dance theme revealed p.1
Tips on academic dishonesty p.1
Guide to a perfect prom p.2
Why you really like 1D p.2
Hilarious out of contexts p.2
AND MUCH MOR
The Lisgarwrite
ATIRICAL
EDITIO
satire
Pronunciation:/sat/
noun
the use of humour, irony,exaggeration, or ridicule to expose
and criticize peoples stupidity or vice
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1
Table of ContentsA Note From the Editors ......................................................................................................................................... 2Discovery Channel: Lisgarite Edition-Bridget Guan.................................................................................................. 3
THINC-Julian Moran.................................................................................................................................................. 4
The Lisgarite-Ariana Mihai....................................................................................................................................... 5
Riot Erupts in Class After Teacher Marks Question Incorrectly on Test-Roy Sengupta ........................................... 6
Guide to the Importance of Useless Homework-Sarah Seward-Langdon................................................................. 7
First Period Fire Drill Brings Chaos to Lisgar Collegiate-Owen Watt........................................................................ 8
Our Cellular Companions-Henry Schut ............................................................................................................................... 9
Textbooks-Nancy Guo ........................................................................................................................................................ 10
Revolutionizing Our Schools-Rusaba Alam ...................................................................................................................... 11
Next Dance Theme Chosen by Randomly Picking a Word from the Oxford Dictionary-Akhil Garg ........................ 12
Being Gifted: A Privilege-Amy Munro ............................................................................................................................... 13
The Effects of Flex Time on Students-Jillian Wakarchuk ................................................................................................ 14
Foolscap in All its Glory-Julia Brillinger ............................................................................................................................ 15
Intruder at Lisgar Collegiate Institute-Alex Kuhn ............................................................................................................ 16
An Investigation on Academic Integrity-Angela Li .................................................................................................... 17-18
Lisgarwrite
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2
Missed Connections-Alex Rochon ..................................................................................................................................... 19
A Lady's Guide to the Perfect Prom Experience-Margot Whittington .................................................................... 20-21
How to Procrastinate Like a Pro-Alexandra Mason-Guertin ........................................................................................... 22
Why You Really Like 1D-Bronte McGillis ........................................................................................................................... 23
June Movie Reviews-Celine Fu ..................................................................................................................................... 24-25
Out of Contexts .................................................................................................................................................................. 26
Acknowledgements ........................................................................................................................................................... 27
Attention Lisgarites!
Its been a great year for the Lisgarwrite and we would like to
thank everyone who helped to make the newspaper a success this
year. Special thanks goes out to the AP Writers Craft class, who made
this issue possible; we would also like to thank Mr. Grills and Mr.
Grose, who put the Lisgarwrite online so that everyone can read our
work, as well as Mr. McMahon for supporting our publication. We
would also like to give a shout-out to all the Lisgar teachers who
provided the witticisms that filled our Out of Contexts. Bridget would
also like to thank Mark for being the amazing Layout Editor that he is.
And last but certainly not least, a round of applause goes to Mr.
Hodgson, the teacher supervisor who made the Lisgarwrite possible.
But even though the school year is over, this isnt the end for
the Lisgarwrite. Make sure you keep an eye out for the newspaper
when fall comes, as Rusaba Alam and Henry Schut will continue to
steer us into uncharted waters.
June is here now, so its time for Bridget and Mark to sail off
into the sunset. Hasta la vista, Lisgarites!
A Note From the Editors
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3
LISGARITE EDITION
By: Bridget Guanhh. You must approach it with caution. Light steps
thats it, nowpast the third floor washrooms.
Make sure you stay against the lockers. If it catches
sight of you, it might make a sudden move that youre
not prepared for. Round the last cornerand there it is,
curled up against a blue locker. But its not alone.
Around it is huddled a group that is most likely
composed of members of the same tribe. Yep, the signs
are all there: the way their fingers tighten around
calculators, the way they nervously twirl HB pencils, and
the way that they are constantly pushing their glasses
up. Definitely from the same tribe.
The wailing of the one in the middle cuts
through the silence of the empty hallway (not
surprising, considering other creatures in the vicinity
disappear at precisely 3:10). If you listen carefully, you
might even be able to make out what it is saying: I GOT
A 95! WHY? I DONT DESERVE TO LIVE ANYMORE! ILL
NEVER GET INTO A UNIVERSITY LIKE THIS!
The others around it are respectfully silent. Thisis, after all, a national disaster, akin to Vancouver losing
the playoffs or Justin Bieber becoming an American
citizen (although that wouldnt be much of a loss). Their
eyes, though, all say Thank Pythagoras its not my
grade point average that will drop."
Look, a wild
teacher appears! The
others scatter as the
one who was wailing
instantly quiets. It picksup its scattered test
papers, and rushes to
chase down the
teacher. The teachers
steps quicken by a
fraction of a second, but it is no match for the
determined predator. Soon, they are engaged in a
bartering match that will take them until well into the
afternoon. Usually, the teacher is able to stand his
ground.
After this exhausting episode, the teacher wil
leave for whatever mysterious abode he spends the
night in, and the predator, dejected, will also return to
the comfort of its home, but not before sighing heavily
at its (now ruined) future prospects. It will have a quick
dinner. The eating habits of this breed of creature
differentiate them from other species because they
have never been observed to participate in the
phenomenon that has been dubbed eating one
feelings. After much research, it has been concluded
that these creatures do not have feelingsthey have
A's.
Then, it will hole itself between tall stacks o
textbooks, notes, and Advanced Placement study
guides. Most likely, it will also post a Facebook status of
something along the lines of: omg FAILED my test. T_T
fml I hate my life. This mystifying must of grammar and
syntax has yet to be deciphered by scientists, although
many are in agreement that the T_T symbol is used to
express extreme grief.
The sleeping habits of this species are also
decidedly irregular. It will sleep from anywhere
between 8pm to 5am. However, it has been observed
that these creatures get the least sleep in the months o
January and June. Whenever it does sleep, though, it
will solve integrals in its head until it is finally able to
relax enough to slip into dreamland. Even then, it does
not restmost likely it will wake up in the morning with
a few solved integrals already floating around in its
mind.
The next morning, it will wake up before the
sun rises for whichever extracurricular commitment it
thinks will look best on a college application, with the
mantra of 100 percent running through its brain. The
rest of the day will be devoted to work provided by the
complex institution they call school. Any test o
project returned with anything less than 101% will be
met with hair-tearing, face clawing, and ugly sobbing
Thus is the sad life of an overachiever.
S
A wild Teacher appeared!
omg FAILED my test! I got a 95! I'll neverget into a university like this! T_T FML!
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4
By: Julian Moran
Recent studies by the Behavioural Disability Association
of Ontario (BDAO) reveal that Trans-cognitive Hyper
Itinerative Neuropathic Condition (THINC) remains a
prominent problem within high schools today.
It can really screw up your life, says Ottawa-based
psychiatrist Dr. Reginald Weinberg. Sufferers of Trans-
cognitive Hyper Itinerative Neuropathic Condition, whoare commonly referred to as THINCers, experience a
variety of inexplicable compulsions that prevent them
from functioning as healthy and prosperous teens.
Weinberg defines THINCers as possessing a fanatic
drive; they have a tendency to fixate on what they call a
Phoochur, a vague and fictitious force to which they
devote a large portion of their days in monk-like
worship.
In his book, THINC and the Conditions of Humanity
(2003), Weinberg explains that THINCers are simply
incapable of acting like regular people. In a particularly
shocking chapter, Weinberg publishes his field
observations of a student experiencing what he calls a
THINC attack:
Subject began to exhibit a
remarkable obsession with
writing utensils. During in-
class lectures, she made
constant use of her pen:
she composed mad
scribblings and underlined
in red the jargonistic terms
iterated by the professor.
When asked about her
bizarre conduct afterwards,
she mumbled something
about the importance of a mysterious and ritualized
process called noat taekinng. Subject is currently
undergoing a psychiatric workup, as we attempt to
discern the nature of her outburst in the hopes that
preventative measures may be taken. (242)
This students THINC attack, though greatly disturbing
is unfortunately only one of the many symptoms
traditionally associated with THINC: THINCers also tend
to suffer from intense hyperactivity during class
discussions (they are inclined, for instance, to raise thei
hand spontaneously during lessons to ask questions)
and even affect great concern for the numbers writtenon report cards, which are universally acknowledged to
be irrelevant.1
Furthermore, teachers say that THINCers pose an
enormous threat to the high school learning
environment. Ted Murdock, a teacher at Lisga
Collegiate Institute, is currently burdened with a
THINCing student. The kids a real nut bar, says
Murdock, who is teaching grade eleven English this
semester. I caught him reading one of those awfu
books after class the other day. The Rising Sun, o
something, by Edgar Hemingway. He keeps giving us
philosophical perspectives. I really wish hed give
it a rest, hesfreaking the other students out.
Murdock says that THINCers actually complete thei
daily homework and hand in assignments by the due
date. I dont think they realize that no one actually
cares, he says. Poor guys.
Fortunately, this last decade has seen a dramatic drop
in THINC occurrence. According to Statistics Canada
THINC now plagues less than five percent of the modernstudent population. A 2011 study conducted by the
BDAO attributes the sudden decline in THINC
occurrence to an increased student exposure to
electronic entertainment and social networking, both o
which, it says, thoroughly reinforce healthier pursuits
of interests and social conduct.
1Milgram, Archibald. Report Card Marks Dont Actually Matter, So Stop Worrying. Toronto: Renee, 2006. Print.
THINC
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6
Rioterupts in Class after
teacher marks question incorrectly on testStudents feared that incorrect mark could
lead to future homelessness
By: Roy Sengupta
A riot erupted today at Lisgar in the Math class of Ms.Jana Anderson after she miscalculated the answer to
the sixteenth question on her latest test. This error led
to a large amount of students having the sixteenth
question on their test marked wrong. Upon discovery of
this error, a group of 20 students proceeded to swarm
the teacher, demanding rectification of the error.
Others broke down in tears at their desks, terrified that
this incorrect question could quash all their future
dreams of being an engineer, doctor, or of entering into
any other respectable profession, and instead condemn
them to a life of homelessness.
The teacher, however, unwisely chose to insist
that her incorrect answer of 142 was the correct answer
to the problem, leading a particularly distraught student
in the class, Hao Xu, to conclude that the only way he
could avoid future poverty was to eliminate the teacher.
I felt I had to do it, said Hao, if I got that
question wrong, my dreams of going to university and
of leading a decent, middle class life would have gonedown the drain. Who knows what might have
happened, chances are I could have starved to death in
my adulthood had I not sought a violent solution to the
error. At that point, it was either her or me. With this
in mind, Hao proceeded to throw a desk at the teacher,
which only narrowly missed her head. This set off a riot,
as students ransacked the room and violently
threatened the teacher if they did not receive the mark.
However, when police were called in to quel
the disturbance, they discovered the shocking truth of
the case, which was that the teacher had in fact marked
the question incorrectly. Upon learning of this after a
detailed presentation by one of the students in the
class, they proceeded to exonerate the riotous students
and arrest the teacher, Ms. Anderson, on the charge of
inciting a riot. The arrest of the teacher has been widely
applauded by local parents as well as educationa
analysts across North America.
One parent, John Robertson, said, I always
taught my boy that the only honorable thing to do when
you get a question wrong on a test was to commit a
Kamikaze. Perhaps this teacher will follow that advice, if
she has any honor that is. Mother Kang Xiang said that
If my child lost that mark, all his dreams would be over
Then who will support me in my old age? Its not like
companies give pensions anymore!
Educational analyst Mark Johnson said, Humanerror is no longer acceptable in this new era of
education. A university now looks at every test question
from every test ever taken in a students high schoo
career in an attempt to weed out students who stil
have that failing of human error. If its unacceptable fo
our students to commit human error, why should we
tolerate it in our teachers?
As for Ms. Anderson, she has been remanded in
custody pending her trial on June 30thMy dreams of going to university and
of leading a decent, middle class lifewould have gone down the drain.
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7Guide to theImportance of Useless
Homeworkhere may seem a contradiction in the importance
of useless homework. In recent years, more and
more people have been forgetting why we have
so much busywork in our secondary education
homework. Instead of praising busywork, many simply
describe it as work or assignments that are both time
consuming and not useful. This negative definition is
completely incorrect as there is absolutely no reference
to the positive influence busywork will have on our
futures in a competitive work society.
It is a fact that cannot be avoided: it is absolutely vital
that busywork is given to secondary students. In truth,
their only hope for succeeding in the scary business
world is if they learn how to complete these
meaningless exercises and how to complete them well.
There is an overwhelming number of reasons why
busywork is so wonderful for the lives of students
everywhere:
It is an obvious fact that adults do these useless
and repetitive tasks for numerous hours in any
occupation.
Learning about already known facts is a crucial
part of life, so repeating homework assignments
on the same topics is something to which we
should become accustomed.
It will keep students away from those
unproductive matters in their lives such as
participating in sports, playing a musical
instrument, talking to friends and family,reading a book for fun, indulging in
photography, baking cookies for the holidays,
cleaning their rooms, or getting any sleep.
Busywork consumes a lot of paper per student,
so it is helping us reduce the trees and provide
space for new houses to be built, get rid of any
unwanted wildlife, and have a better view of
our wide-open fields.
By: Sarah Seward-Langdon
I now have faith in your intelligence that you see why
busywork is so important. Of course, not all of it has
equal significance for your futures. There are a select
few labour-intensive, classic tasks to which you must
pay more attention in your classes:
Preparing skits about the lingo in the 80s with agroup and presenting them to your class.
Watching a video with 10 parts presented with
the same title and repeating the same message.
Creating a collage filled with cut-out pictures of
men and women - this teaches you how to
handle a sharp object.
Copying out an entire section of a textbook;
dont worry, as in another few days, you will do
the same for another section, so as to maintain
this skill.
Henceforth, do not give dirty glances to your teachers
for imposing these useless homework requirements
Teachers too are required to carry out certain useless
tasks. So complete your busywork with the utmost
respect and diligence - you may well be preparing
yourself for your future jobs, in a country with few
trees.
T
12
3
4
123
4
Lisgarwrite
Turn that frown upside down! Homework
isn't as useless as you might think!
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FIRE DRILL
Fire Drill
his past Thursday, an early
morning fire drill turned Lisgar
into a scrambling, screaming, and
distressed mass of students.
Many students were injured, and two
hospitalized. At Lisgar, it is standard to
have fire drill at 11:20am, just late
enough to miss the start of lunch. So
naturally, many students were unsure of
what was going on when the piercing
ring of the alarm sounded in first period.
In my class, the ringing of the
alarm came simultaneously with a note
of confusion. Students looked around,
unsure of what to do. Then, out ofnowhere, a student screamed, FIRE!
FIRE! FIRE! Suddenly, there was chaos.
Not a hint of doubt was expressed as to
whether or not it was true. I guess
students at Lisgar are used to the
lunchtime fire drills, and are not as
prepared for anything else.
Apparently, the reaction in
other classrooms was the same. Isabelle
Smith, a grade 12 student, was just as
surprised as the rest of the school. Shestated, I had no idea what was going on;
I was truly scared. Lisgar never has fire
drills at this time. I thought I was in
danger.
Another student and resident
track star, John Longstride, had much the
same reaction. Worriedly, he said, I just
hope we dont have a fire at this time
ever again. If we were racing the clock
we would have lost, and lost big.
Luckily, the injuries suffered
were not devastating. Bruce Payne, a
grade 9 student, tripped over his
shoelaces while running down the stairs.
Max Johnson, a grade 11 student, was
pushed into a wall as someone rushed by
him in panic. Also, Julia Martin, Angela
Mayan, and Olivier Michaud, all fell and
were trampled by screaming Lisgarites
on their way down the stairs. Olivier a
Angela were admitted to hospital, a
released the same day. Julia escaped t
senseless and unorganized herd students with minor bruises.
All in all, Lisgar was lucky. It w
a risky move to have a fire drill at su
an unexpected time, and it revealed t
true preparedness of the student bo
for disaster. But, if a real fire occurs
exactly 11:20, we will be extreme
ready. After all, we only practice for fir
that will happen at this time.
T
First Period Fire Drill Brings Chaos to Lisgar Collegiateby [Owen Watt]
8Lisgarwrite
Student Olivier Michaud receiving medical aid a
nearly being trampled to death during a routine s
fire drill.
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CELLPHONE MANIA
t is only within the past 20
years that mankind has truly
emerged out of the dark ages.
The coming of the millennium
heralded a new age the Age of the
Cell Phone. It (the cell phone) is a
small battery-powered item so
simple that even children from 8 to
80 can explore the vast depths of its
complexities. Its the size of their
pocket and it fits right in their palm.
It has helped the human race send
billions of very important text
messages and it has showed the
current temperature without the
burdensome requirement of actually
going outside. Of course, to do
justice to this great invention, the
guiding light of our species, we must
use it as frequently as possible. It
would be rude to do otherwise. On
the bus, in the washroom, duringclass, it is our responsibility to fixate
ourselves upon our glorious machine
friends. They are there for us when
no one else is. Unfortunately, cellular
penetration is comparatively very
limited towards what it could be in
the future.
Advances in communications
technology have allowed us to create
more and more powerful cellphones. By the year 2087, scientists
predict a phone will be invented that
exceeds the computational powers
of the human race. The perfect
phone; a true godsend. It won't have
an off-button so you can be assured
it will never turn off by accident. It
will be solar powered, and will not
run out of battery unless you are
buried deep underground for a
period of several years. The volumewill be set so loud that it will be sure
to interrupt an entire room's worth
of people. Set your calendars for
2087, for it will be a cellular paradise.
But we could go further.
Imagine a world where
everyone, every single person on
Earth and elsewhere, is connected
24/7 by their cellular device. Wont it
be grand when everybody can quote
Hemingway and Shakespeare off
hand (barring a slight glance at the
script on the screen)? Imagine how
smart we would all look. The next
step would be a true lifetime of
connectivity! We could ensure that
Wifi antennae are in every building
on the planet, from churches to
kindergartens to morgues. We could
implant a phone chip just outside the
cerebral cortex in the childs brain
the age of 3, so they can receive ca
as well as radio broadcasts (Aduchannels will not be transmitted un
the age of 18) wherever they go.
fact, we could easily inst
broadband Ethernet cables leadi
directly into the womb so the fet
wouldnt miss out on any events
the outside world. Everybody, livin
dead, or pre-born could have
phone and be constantly connect
to everybody else everywhere! Th
may seem far-fetched to som
critics, but do not worry. I can mo
readily guarantee this as our future
we continue down our current path
DID YOU KNOW
THE OCDSB IS HOPING THAT ALL
SCHOOLS WILL HAVE ACCESS TO
WIFI BY THE END OF THE YEAR.
I
Our CellularCompanionsby Henry Schut
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TEXTBOOKS
10TEXTBOOKSBy: Nancy Guo
n this article, you will develop an
understanding of textbooks. You
will also learn how to define the
various parts of a textbook and howto study with textbooks.
A textbook behaves like a
teacher. In other words, you get a
certain amount of new knowledge
from a teacher, depending on how
much they speak.
Any teacher allows a student
to participate in discussions, do
homework, write tests, and listen to
them speak.
When your teacher talks a
certain amount, you expect a mark in
a certain range. You might expect
the same mark from a slightly
different amount of speech;
however, you would not expect two
students with teachers who spend
vastly different amounts of time
talking to get the same mark. For
example, suppose that your teachertalked for an entire day and never
stopped, the topics ranging from
their dog to their classes to their
favorite movie. Would you expect toget a low mark?
The amount of time teachers
spend speaking is an essential
component of good marks. The
mark received is the final product.
The teacher operates in a similar way
to a textbook because similarly to
teachers, a textbook will provide you
with a better mark if they present
more words to you. In other words,
the final product is dependent on theessential components. A teachers
success rate, like a textbook, relies
on the output of words.
A textbook will help obtain a
final product that varies for eachessential component.
The set of all essent
components is called the curriculu
that the textbook follows. The set
all possible final products is calle
the provincial grade system f
which the textbook is designed.
There are some teache
who are not like textbooks. On
example is a teacher who on
teaches efficiently and witho
relying on the sheer volume of wor
to communicate ideas, but still h
students who are able to obtain higmarks.
The marks received are not
result of the amount of timspeaking and the number of wor
presented, since there is no relatio
between the words the teach
speaks and the marks the studen
obtain. The final product does n
rely on the essential component
unlike when using a textbook.
EXAMPLE 1For the teacher,
A. What is the set of allessential components?
B. What is the set of all possiblefinal products?
Solution
A. The set of all essentialcomponents is the
curriculum, which is the
same as the textbooks.
B. The set of all possible finalproducts is the provincial
grade system, which is also
the same as the textbooks.
EXAMPLE 2The following graph
shows the rate of
Canadian student
success in 2001
compared to the
number of words in
the textbooks they
studied from:
A. What is the relationshipbetween the number of
words in a textbook and
student marks?
There is a direct relationsh
between the number of words in
textbook and student marks.
Clearly, the more words and pages
textbook has, the more value it w
be to you. Efficiency and clarity ca
be sacrificed for the sake of stude
success. You will be the best you ca
be!
Solution
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EDUCATION REVOLUTION
hanks to the larger offering of AP courses, students will
oon become very familiar with the wonderful College
oard.
Extra-curriculars?o worries! Although the lengthened school day will
nterfere with students' extra-curricular activities, the
weekends are still available for all those fun activities!
FAST FACTS
4%he overwhelming percentage of students who took theATs last year.
87%he percentage of Lisgar students leaning toward theniversity stream is far below the board's expectations.
FOR MORE INFORMATION
For more captivating facts or further
information regarding the changes to theacademic policies, please consult the website
below.
www.overachiever.ca
tudents and parents take
note: recent changes to Lisgar
Collegiates academic policieswill result in greater flexibility for
students, according to a committee
of parents and educators assembled
by the Ottawa-Carleton District
School Board. The decisions reached
by the committee will come into
effect at the beginning of the 2012-
2013 school year. What sort of
changes, exactly, should students
expect?
1) Far more Advanced Placementcourses will be offered at Lisgar.
The inclusion of these new courses is
meant to open up a range of post-
secondary choices not previously
available to Lisgarites. To make room
for more AP courses, several regular
academic courses will simply be
removed from the curriculum,
encouraging more students than
ever to reach for academicexcellence. Committee chair and
former College Board executive, Dr.
Sarah-Anne Thorne, tells us, We
want more students to realize their
true potential; as things are, not
enough young people are leaning
toward the university stream. Unless
we do something about this as
educators, the current perfect
balance of the Canadian work force
will be jeopardized.
2) Taking the SAT will now bemandatory for all students.
So many students are taking them
anyway, we might as well make the
whole preparation process easier by
making SAT preparation obligatory
class material, says Dr. Thorne.
Some parents have complained that
their children should be exempt fro
taking the test, as it is only require
for those students who wish attend American universitie
However, the committee h
officially responded to this sentime
on the Lisgar website: While som
individual students may not wish
take the SAT, an overwhelmi
number of Lisgar students do, so it
only fair that the school will chang
to meet the needs of the stude
population as a whole by teachi
the skills required for the test.
would be unfair to disadvantage t
test-taking students by wasting the
class time on skills that are n
relevant to them, such as creativ
and analytical thinking.
3) The length of the school day wincreased from 8:50-3:00 to 7:40-4
This will not only allow students
take six courses per semester instea
of the usual four, but also, contrato the myth that students functio
better later in the morning, w
actually teach important tim
management skills that will stay wi
teens for the remainder of their live
When asked to comment on wheth
the new schedule policy would affe
students extra-curricular activitie
Dr. Thorne explains, Though it
regrettable that the new schedu
will cut into time previously allotte
to the enjoyable pursuits of sport
arts, and the like, we hope in t
long run that this shift will enab
students to focus on what rea
matterstheir academics.
S
Revolutionizing Our Schools(Now Even Canadians Can Get an Education!)
b Rusaba Alam
We want more students to
realize their true potentia
11
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Lisgarwrite 12Next Theme Chosen by Randomly
Picking a Word from theDictionaryBy: Akhil Garg
fter the semi-formal and neon dances,
Student Council has chosen cryptic as
the next dance theme randomly from the
dictionary. This might lead to puzzling attire and
music choice, but Stud-co insists that this is the
fairest way to determine the topic of
the night.
Co-president Sam Cotton
described the process of selecting the
theme as exciting, and assured that
a cryptic dance will lead to fun
possibilities. Another Stud-comember added that this dance
should be the best ever, repeating
what every other organizer has said
before such an event.
The Oxford English Dictionary
was the dictionary of choice, according to Cotton.
The Oxford has been published for over 125 years
and it has developed quite the reputation.
A very strict protocol was followed while
picking the theme. Two blindfolded Stud-co
members participated while an outside observer
watched. The first Stud-co member opened the
book to a page of his choice and the next member
pointed to a word. The names of these participants
have not been disclosed.
Independent experts have criticized the
process, saying that letters closer to the beginning
or end of the alphabet are less likely to be chosen
since individuals are more likely torandomly open books in the middle. Im
surprised a word starting with the letter
c was picked, stated Zeke Proudfoot
an expert on uncertainty and computer
security.
No comments were received on
whether previous dance themes were
chosen in the same way. However, the
Lisgarwrite has discovered that onemember of the organizing committee
owned stocks in a neon clothing store on
Elgin Street, creating a possible conflict
of interest for the dance that occurred
on April 26. Stud-co denies the
accusations, citing that extra traffic from
Lisgar students is not likely to make a difference in
stock value.
The date of the dance is currently not chosen.
A
CRYPTIC
DANCE 2012
A cryptic dance will lead
to fun possibilities.
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13Being Gifted: A PrivilegeBy: Amy Munro
eing in the gifted class is a very special experience. It all starts with the evaluation. It couldhappen when youre very young or later in your elementary school years. You sit through the
test and if you're lucky enough to pass you get put in a class with all the other privileged
children who endured it. The class is awesome. It has big black chalkboards that stretch majestically
across the walls and the chalk and erasers are found on a little silver shelf beneath. The chalk is often in
pieces and the erasers are dusty, but there is usually enough to serve its purpose. There are neat rows of
wooden and metal desks, sometimes with names carved into them, or doodles of notes and equations.
There is a circular analog clock on the wall that gets a lot of attention from the students in the class. The
inspirational posters around the room are meant to motivate, but they usually are a lot less popular than
the clock. There are often bookshelves all around the room full o
dictionaries and thesauruses that dont get used. The teachers
desk is generally located in the corner of the room, with a
computer and jars of pens and pencils and stacks of papers. There
are filing cabinets that are usually not opened while the students
are in the room, so it is hard to know what is in those. The bulletin
boards sometimes have posters or projects stapled to them or are
completely empty. There is usually a pencil sharpener somewhere
in the room that doesnt work very well and that is hardly eve
used because it makes so much noise. There are windows that
face outside, letting in the
sunlight and cool air when open. The class itself is a very special,
exciting place to be. Teachers attitudes can vary, but they areoften quite alike. They occasionally stray off topic, but mostly
they stay away from tangents and keep with the curriculum.
When students dont do their homework, they get mad
sometimes, but it happens too often for them to waste timelecturing about it every single day. The class is often noisy, and
nobody ever hears the announcements. There are the students
who are late nearly every day and think up creative excuses until
the teacher gives up berating them in front of the entire class. While working on group projects, most
people talk about other things that are completely unrelated, but there is always that one group who
gets all their work done by the end of the class and gives the teacher reason to make it due the next dayThere are the students who text, and the students who eat. Sometimes the teacher doesnt notice, and
sometimes the teacher just doesnt care. The majority of the time, when the teacher asks
questions, nobody volunteers to answer, and if they ask to see the homework, the
chances of the entire class having it done is zero. Being in a gifted class is very
exciting. All of these aspects of a gifted class are amazing; it is such a unique
experience!
B
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"STUDENTS ARE HAVING MORE AND MORE
DIFFICULTY COMPLETING THEIR
INTELLECTUAL TASKS. THEY NEED THE
EXTRA TIME FOR THEIR BRAINS TO PROCESS
ALL THAT IS GOING ON."
14The Effects ofFlex
Timeon StudentsBy: Jillian Wakarchuk
or many years, students, a branch of the human
species, have fascinated scientists. Numerous studies
have been done in relation to their subculture with a
special focus on the peer group and its effects on the
individual. Now that there is significant data that has
come from these studies, experts are turning their
attention to the strange behaviour they discovered that
was occurring during the months of January and June.
Recently, after a five-month long observation of
students at Lisgar Collegiate Institute, this new behaviour
has been analyzed. Once every six months, students go
through a process wherein they break their regular
sleeping schedule, hoard papers, and eat constantly
before entering a fighting ring of sorts to battle
intellectually against their peers to determine who will
become the alphas within the peer group. In the last few
years that experts have been observing Lisgar pupils,
there has been an increase in the length of time students
are spending in the rings. In 2009-2010, they emerged
two to three hours later victorious or defeated, but now
experts say that pupils are taking up to three days to
complete the process. When they emerge, there are
beaten and ragged in appearance. Some of the males
display evidence of rapid facial hair growth.
Max Wright, the project leader, named this new
behaviour flex time. Students are having more and more
difficulty completing their intellectual tasks. They need
the extra time for their brains to process all that is going
on, he explained. When they have to go head-to-head
in these battles four times in a row, it can be veryexhausting, he added. The new behaviour seems to be
helping.
Wright also mentioned that his team hopes to
continue the investigation into this ritualistic behaviour
for another five years. They were recently awarded a
large grant by the Ministry of Education for this project. A
more detailed account of his findings can be found in his
latest novel Putting Pupils to the Test: The effects of exam
season.
F
After a three day strug
student emerges victo
after a long intellectual
against their peers
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15
FoolscaP in all
its GloryBy: Julia Brillinger
oolscapknown as officio in strange, foreign
countriesis older than you might think. It was
invented in the 15th century by a German named
Spielmann, and has been since used for everything from
doodles to doctorates. However, the ingeniousness of
the product was not truly recognized until last month at
the 2012 Convention for Scholastic Goods, where
foolscap took home the Elbirret Prize for Most Useful
School Stationary Item, beating out mechanical pencils
that take 0.6 lead, white colouring pencils, and even the
ever-handy triangle-shaped thing that you get when you
buy a protractor.
Although foolscap is obviously ingenious, it has
always faced criticism from many of those forced to use
it. Some compare Spielmanns replacement of the
traditional 8.5x11 inch length with the longer 8.5x13.5
inch size to replacing the traditional wheel with a
hexagonal one. Foolscaps supporter say, however, that
this criticism is unwarranted, and that foolscapthough
usually too long to fit onto the desk nicely, thus making
writing harder, and though too long to fit into binders
thereby necessitating cramming into the bottoms of
bags or shoving between pages, and though foolscap
has no hole punches, thus making it even harder to put
anywhere, and though foolscap always seems to be of a
lower quality than other paper, and rips more easilyis
a completely different material from 8.5x11 inch paper.
Its like comparing Mandarin oranges to
tangerines, one supporter of foolscap told me. Only
an idiot would think that mainstream paper and
foolscap were the same. Obviously youre not going to
be able to use them for the same things, but that
doesnt stop foolscap from being amazing.
So what is it exactly that foolscap is used for?Thats pretty hard to answer, really, because foolscap
has such a tremendously wide range of uses. It is used
by students for everything from replacement
newspaper when stuffing cleats to dry overnight, to
protecting the bottom of school bags from lunchbox
spills, to mopping up spilled drinks, to doodling in class,
to making extra-long paper airplanes, to filling recycling
bins to make them look fuller. Foolscap is truly the most
useful paper-related invention of all time, and I am glad
its awesomeness is finally being recognized.
F
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16
By: Alex Kuhn
OTTAWA, ON An intruder who attempted to break
into a classroom at Lisgar Collegiate this Wednesday
found himself sorely disappointed by the school's
lockdown procedure. It was just so easy, said Daniel
Phelps (32), the man who successfully overcame all
security protocols and entered room 302 this week, in a
police interview. I mean, I was expecting to be...foiled,
or something. You know, I'd come in, there'd be an
announcement, then I would go from class to class
trying all the doors and each time, I would be rebuffed
by the slick, well-oiled machine that is the school
lockdown. Instead, I just shot the lock. He remained
silent for several minutes after this, clearly fighting back
tears. I didn't even get to pretend to be a police
officer, he added.
A student who preferred to
remain unnamed said he
followed Phelps out of the
room following the incident.
He just looked so sad, he
said. It was like, his whole
life had been leading up to
this moment, and then it
was over so fast. I mean, he
clearly didn't want to hurt
anybody. When I got
outside, (Phelps) was just
sitting on the curb, his head
in his hands. The guy looked
so down, I just kind of wanted
to hug him.
Phelps grew more hopefu
when police arrived on the
scene, waving his firearm
around wildly and shouting
You'll never take me alive!
don't have time to bleed! His
cries were silenced when
Officer Kowalski (27) punched
him in the face, knocking
Phelps to his feet and
rendering him unconscious
Upon awakening in the car, Phelps became franticasking the officers questions like Am I going to get life,
or just 25 to life? and How does it feel to catch such a
brutal and terrifying criminal? Phelps continued to ask
these questions despite repeated exposure to peppe
spray, until Kowalski's partner Officer Schroeder (28
told him that the most he would receive was 200 hours
of community service for vandalism and probably
some kind of therapy. At this point Phelps became very
quiet.
Today, Phelps has stepped out of the police station, ashe is no longer seen as a threat and his constant wailing
was beginning to disturb other officers. He claims that
his time in the lock-up has given him a new lease on
life.
I used to think it was my fault, said Phelps, the wind
blowing in his hair as he affected a look of deep
introspection. Like I'd cheated or something. But you
know what? I'm their customer. If they go around telling
people that they're completely safe, and I take them on
their word, that's their fault. I can't believe a schoo
board would tell such hurtful lies.
However, Phelps remains optimistic. Once I finish my
community service and group healing sessions, it's off to
a bank, he declared, a note of confidence entering his
voice. I hear they've got armed guards. That'll be way
better than waiting for the police to arrive.
Local law enforcement is aware of Phelps' next big
score, but remains unconcerned.
You'll never
ake me alive! I
on't have time
to bleed!.
If they go around
telling people that
they're completely
safe, and I take
them on their word,that's their fault. I
can't believe a
school board would
tell such hurtful
lies.
Intruder At Lisgar
Collegiate institute
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17An Investigation on
Academic IntegrityEverything you need to know to master
the art of academic dishonesty.
By: Angela Li
ExhibitAA research paper submitted by a high school English student begins, Academic dishonesty is any type of
cheating that occurs in relation to a formal academic exercise. It can include plagiarism, fabrication, deception, cheating,
bribery, sabotage, professional misconduct, and impersonation.
Wait a second-- somethings not right here. You do a double take and look beyond the blatant lack of style or
appeal in the introduction, beyond the obviously disinterested, disconnected tone, beyond the triteness of syntax anddiction, and notice that it looks startlingly similar to an encyclopedia entry, like a page on Wikipedia, perhaps. Suspicious
now, you do a quick search on Google; the first hit is, indeed, a Wikipedia article that mirrors the students paper,
verbatim. Whats more, the careless student has forgotten to remove the hyperlinks to other Wikipedia articles. You
shake your head in dismay. This poor cheater just cant get it right.
The skilled student knows when to use a thesaurus, when to substitute bland academic writing for more natural-
sounding phrases, and most importantly, when to remove those pesky hyperlinks. Wikipedia is convenient, accessible,
and completely reputable, but dont draw attention to yourself by plagiarizing articles exactly. It s much too
conspicuous.
Use a thesaurus. Substitute bland academic writing
for more natural-sounding phrases.
Remove those hyperlinks!
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18ExhibitBAn unusually clumsy student has knocked over his pencil case for the
twentieth time during his European history midterm exam. Each time he crawls
under his desk to gather his belongings, he fumbles with his cell phone
captivated by the dark, shiny plastic, his eyes scanning the surface. Just
checking the time, maam, he says sheepishly. He mouths something else to
himself. Then he emerges, grinning and looking oddly relieved, and picks up his
pen, ready to tackle the question again.
But you are incredulous: how often does he need to check the time?
Good heavens, its 10:05 now; four minutes ago, it was 10:01! No, the secret to
testing success is not keeping track of the time or pacing yourself, but acting
natural. The bad ones are usually the first-timers who look awkward, or act
suspiciously when using crib notes, but even experts have to start somewhere
They start small, maybe with an eraser or a calculator lid. Or they just sit
behind someone who knows his stuff. Never do they smuggle technology into aJurassic-age classroom or make a mess of pencil shavings on the floor.
Mastering the art of cheating takes more than four minutes. If you fai
the first time, try something new.
Act natural, don't look awkward Start small, don't hide your notes somewhere obvious Sit behind someone smart
ExhibitCThis is the student who had blonde hair and glasses one day,
brown hair and contacts the next. The one who wore Gap one day,
Gucci the next. And according to her school ID, Jessica Smith one
day, Anne Brown the next. She races through the calculus test and
receives a grade of 100% effortlessly.
You shrug it off; shes just a brainy chameleon. But upon second inspection, you wonder, Didnt this girl take
this test yesterday? No, thats quite impossible: Shes no identity thief; she would be found out too easily. Dressingalike and switching ID cards are hardly acceptable for savvy cheaters. Why stop there? Go all out. Plastic surgery is cheap
across the border. Government-issued ID can be purchased on the black market.
To become a master of academic deception, your options areinfinite.
Academic honesty is an obsolete concept: everyone plagiarizes, cheats, personates. Your conclusion?
Good cheaters dont get caught.
Work Cited
Academic dishonesty. Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation, 24 May 2012. Web. 24 May 2012.
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19
Missed ConnectionsBy: Alex Rochon
Yummy Hunk with
TI-83
Voluptuous
Volleyballer
Sibelius-and me-
lover?Dapper Debater
I saw you, your spry and
seasoned hands punching
in numbers; your Calc BC
book was spread open
across the table. Maybe the
numbers are against us, but
Id very much like to see
you again, in a more
calculated setting. Coffee
after summative season?
Black shorts and chocolate
eyes. Your serve was magic
and your spiking was off-
the-charts. Id like to see
how those skills translate to
the bounce of a
conversation, the way your
leaps and bounds bounce
your voluminous hair.
Outside the strings room
7:20 Tuesday. Your tender
bowing and tight tempo
made Op. 26 come to life in
a rousing solo performance.
You brought me to
TampereId like to bring
you to dinner. Or maybe
the NAC for Das Ring des
Nibelungen?
Your swaying tie and your
vivacious hands captured
my gaze; your words
excited my logic and incited
my heart. Maybe someday I
can reason my way into
your life, but for now, Im
content to watch.
Spacesim Sweetheart? Sultry ShakespeareanMonument
PhilosopherThe Rower
I saw you on the fourth
floor, talking H.R. Giger
outside the chem room.
Would you be alien tosome city hall salad, so I
could pick your brain
sometime?
I first saw you on Crispens
Day, but our story is more
of a winters tale. I last saw
you in March, please dontbe so shy; youve unlocked
me. So give me a
Lancastrian rose and I can
be the Cleopatra to your
Antony.
You impressed me with
your personal depth and
uniquely springtime scent.
Your laid-back nature andswell attitude makes me
want to see more of you
your hacky sack skills were
smoking.
Your iron-rod arms and
sinewy quadriceps oscillate
like pistons, the ergometer
shaking with your vigorouspull. I similarly shiver in
anticipation for your next
session.
Rugby AmazonChem Tutor Lost but
not ForgottenArt Show Virtuoso?
LOST!! Blackberry
Bold 9700
You jogged up the field, ball
in hand, trying for the win.Your powerful legs pushed
you the distance, your
sweaty hair framing your
strained face and the
photos I took got me a 96
on my ComTech
assignment.
I, panicking over the
pending titration.
You, your expertise calming
my nerves like a
subcompound of 2,4,6-
(1H,3H,5H)-
pyrimidinetrione.
iTHANK YOU!
Your painting seemed
simple enough at first, acottage on a placid lake.
But the image stuck; even
now I feel the equable
breeze on my neck, can see
the shiny scales of the pike
just under the surface. I
have dreamt of summers
never spent; I need to see
more of your work.
Lost in the girls
changeroom on Monday.Dont bother returning It,
Im just glad you took it off
my hands. Now I can get a
Samsung or something.
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20
A Ladys Guide to the Experience
By: Margot Whittington
or girls today, there are few opportunities as excellent as prom to showcase ones elegance and
importance. With the decline of cotillions and balls, young women in modern society have limited
events at which they can present themselves as ladies. As prom is a once in a lifetime experience and a
rare opportunity for young ladies today to exhibit their charm and grace, it should be treated with the utmostdedication and seriousness. This evening will define you and how your peers think of you. Thus, a lady must be wary of
her decisions, so that these decisions will not ruin her evening. In preparation for prom, all the right choices must be
made, for if you do not choose wisely, mistakes may be made, and it would not do for a single segment of this
incredibly unique event to go awry.
The following three tips will guide you to avoidany mishaps, thus allowing for your perfect
prom experience.
A female must choose her dress.
It must be elegant and sophisticated, but must also reveal ones
personality. Most girls these days opt for the longer gown, proving themto be modest, yet chic. Including some bling, as the youth of today
refer to it, is imperative, so a girl can sparkle amongst all the other girls in
their jewel-encrusted garments. The girl with the most jewels on her
dress often wins some sort of prize or title. Its very important that you
compete for this prize; otherwise, you may stand out from all the other
girls in their glitzy outfits. Be warned, though; it is most important to
assure no other girl has your same dress. This would result in catastrophe
because this dress is your signature, and embodies how your peers will
remember you forever.
A female must find herself a suitable date.
Choose your suitor wisely, as he will be in every one of your photos. You cant be seen att ending an event witha mediocre-looking boy, can you now? These photos will be cherished within your family for many years to
come, and therefore your date must look good. Pick your date based on two attributes: his attractiveness and
his willingness to comply with your every wish. Prom is your night and he has to allow for things to go yourway. He must be willing to allow for you to choose his suit, his shoes, his hairstyle, as well as who you both sit
with and where you both will go after prom. If he agrees to adhere to your decisions, and is handsome, then
you have found a decent enough boy to take you. Flirt with him heavily by batting your eyelashes frequently
in the months leading up to the event, and mention prom often. He will surely get the hint and ask you
promptly.
F
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21A female must chooseher shoes, jewelry and
hairstyle.
These accents have the ability to make or
break the event and thus are the most
consequential decisions relating to prom.
One stray hair and your pictures, which your
family will revere for the next fifteen years or
so, are ruined. In order to avoid that, it is best
to attend a fancy hair salon and pay extensive
sums for a lady to attack you with a curling
iron and a can of hairspray. But rest assured,
the photos will be worth it, if you choose a
cute enough date, that is. The shoes and
jewelry must match your dress perfectly, forthe same reasons. One colour is slightly off
and the evening is ruined. Be sure to choose the highest heels you can walk in so that you look to be a foot taller than
your regular height this is the latest trend and all your friends will do so, and if you dont, you once again risk standing
out, which, of course, is not acceptable.
f you follow these three vital tips, your prom shall be a success and your coveted prom photos will be
fabulous. You will present yourself to society as a lady, and perhaps you will even enjoy yourself, too
Follow these tips carefully, though, for if this night is not one of utter perfection, you may never forgive
yourself. Prom is an experience you will remember forever, and if any one thing goes wrong, you will be
plagued by the memory of that one deplorable detail. These tips, however, act as a guideline to having the perfect
prom. I implore you to not take them lightly, for if you do, your entire high school experience may be sabotaged andyour peers will remember you as a loser. Your ten-year reunion would be awkward because your heels were two inches
shorter than the level determined to be socially acceptable, your date had a grotesque pimple, and your dress was not
bedazzling enough. You wouldnt want that now, would you?
I
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22How toProcrastinate
Like a ProBy: Alexandra Mason-Guertin
he end of the school year is always packed with
thousands of projects, summatives, and exams.
Students will usually find themselves feeling
stressed, tired, and overworked but there is a way you
can sleep again: procrastination. People today work way
too hard and never allow themselves breathing room;
let yourself be the first of your friends who is stress-free, and just put it all off! Such an action like
procrastination may seem hard at first, but it really is a
fairly easy thing to do. By following this step-by-step
guide on how to procrastinate, you will soon be a
legend among your friends and know how to contain
your stress-levels like no one you know!
The first step on your journey to a stress-free
end of year is understanding the nature of
procrastination. The word procrastinate originates for
the Latin verb prcrstintus which means to put offuntil tomorrow. Procrastinating is doing exactly what it
sounds like, putting everything off until it is completely
necessary. By doing so, your workload is not extended
over a prolonged period of time and you gain the ability
to do the things that make you happy in life and not any
boring studying or summative research. As long as you
manage to ward off any lingering worries about the
project or exam, this method can only do you good!
Letting go of all your worries is an
essential part of procrastination. You must
be able to push the thoughts of your
upcoming exam or project away, and focus
only on distracting, brainless methods of
entertainment. Activities such as surfing
YouTube, scrolling down your Tumblr
dashboard for hours, or merely wasting
hours on Facebook stalking your long-lost
friends can aid in numbing your mind. Television and
video games are two excellent alternate methods if the
internet holds little appeal to you.
Finally, you must make sure to do absolutely
nothing productive while procrastinating. When
avoiding school work, you must extend your avoidanceto other activities such as cleaning, reading, or any
other sort of homework. By doing so, you exterminate
any potential rushes of proactive thought. Motivation to
get things done and motivation to extend the work ove
a long period of time are the enemies to
procrastinators. Extending the workload over multiple
days only prolongs the stress, gives you less time on
Tumblr, and makes you complete only small parts of a
project every night. Avoiding proactivity is the final key
to procrastinating like a pro!
Some people see doing a project in one night or
studying for an exam at the last minute as a bad idea
These are the people who are against procrastination
such as teachers and parentsthe very same people
who bring stress to your life. By following the three tips
given above, you will soon find yourself in a world
where work is done in only one night, and the rest of
your week is free for you to do whatever brain-dead
activity you desire. Just remember, always put it off
until tomorrow unless tomorrow is when its due
Lisgarwrite
Facebook, YouTube, and
Tumblr are perfect ways
to rocrastinate.
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Lisgarwrite 23
Why you Really LikeBy: Bronte McGillis
"My favourite book is Harry-"
"STYLES?!"
"Wait, what-"
"MAKES YOU BEAUTIFUL?!"
"Um, I gotta-"
"BE YOU?!"
"Wow Maybe I should-"
"HAVE KISSED YOU?!"
""
o goes the typical conversation with a "Directioner." Perhaps I should explain (for those of you who
haven't caught on to the widespread boy-band hysteria currently sweeping across the female world). OneDirection is a group of five teenage guys who are really famous for looking good and singing okay. Sorry
it's the truth. So I ask you: what's the point of going to a concert to hear a bunch of mediocre voices? You can
barely see them, if that's why you like 1D.
Here's the best explanation I can come up with: since the
dawn of civilization (I know you just read that in a Discovery
Channel voice), humans have loved to believe in things
togetherto be part of something bigger, as it were. For
example, the first settled human tribes 10,000 years ago had
already formed basic religions. People love the feeling ofcommunity that comes from loving the same thing.
This also goes for One Direction. And Justin
Bieber. And any other teen male heart-throb
you can think of. It's all about being able to
connect to all the other people who love
them. You don't really like One Direction; you
like the idea of liking One Direction.
S
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Lisgarwrite[Year]1
Apartment 143(June 1st, 2012)
family is haunted by a
violent ghost believed
to be one of their dead
family members; they attempt
to resolve the situation by
hiring a team of experts from
an institution. This movie
resembles Paranormal
Activitys camera usage and
will probably be very similar to
the Paranormal Activityseries
in every aspect, so it is not
recommended to anyone; it's
a waste of time.
High School
(June 1st, 2012)Drugs, thugs, and nudity are basically everything in
this high school. On top of that, there are stoned
students, more drugs, and a fuming principal who
is enforcing a drug test on every student in the
school and will expel those students who do not
pass. The chaos that will arise is extremely obvious!
This is recommended to anyone who would love to
laugh at the sexual innuendos and stupidity that
drugs induce.
(June 8th, 2012)
An adaptation of Guy de Maupassant's nove
brings you the story of the charming,
penniless soldier Georges Duroy, played by
Robert Pattinson. In the city of Paris, where
true power lies in the hands of the wives,
not the husbands, George uses his wits and
powers of seduction to open doors to
bourgeois households and equally bourgeois
bedrooms. This is a great choice for fans of
Robert Pattinson and Casanova.
Prometheus(June 8th, 2012)
This is a futuristic thriller that largely resembles the
movie Predators. A ship is assigned to discover the
secret that lies behind an ancient invitation and
unknowingly enters a nightmare filled with alien
snakes...And yes, even the alien of a similar species
to those in Predators. Nevertheless, this is a good
movie choice if you are fascinated by any alien-
related apocalyptic theories!
A
24June Movie Month
By: Celine Fu
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Lisgarwrite[Year]1
Rock of Ages(June 15th, 2012)
he director ofHairspraypresents drugs, sex,and rock and roll! Okay, maybe without the
drugs, but this movie definitely has quite a
bit of sexual activity for a musical, and there are
definitely a lot of stars in the cast: Tom Cruise, Alec
Baldwin, Mary J. Blige, etc. The movie also
demonstrates the frivolous party life clashed with
religious abstinence that was common in 1987.
Brave(June 22nd, 2012)
Brave relates a heartwarming story of a talented,unique girl named Merida, the daughter of King
Fergus. A warrior at heart, she defies the feminine
customs set upon girls and endeavors to carve her
own path of life. As a creation of both Disney and
Pixar, this movie is, as usual, comical, but still
manages to be touching, just like Up and Wall.E. It
is recommended to everyone!
Storage 24(June 29th, 2012)
London is in chaos as a military cargo ship carrying
highly classified contents, in other word, aliens
crashes. The contents spread throughout the city,
which marks the beginning of an intense surviva
game. It's thrilling and filled with action; if you are
a fan of s aid traits, watch this movie.
T
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Out of Contexts
Its not weird if youre Greek.-Ms. Van de Walle
Cougar-town wasnt around back then.-Mr. Meng
The French protest EVERYTHING I just sat at a caf and watched the protests. It was very entertaining.
-Ms. McWhinnie
Ive got gonads on the brain. Its very exciting.-Ms. Engel
Oooh Busted!-Ms. Van de Walle
This is NOT Jurassic Park!-Mme. Kunstmann
I will sit here and pout! Impress me.-Mr. Hodgson
Americans are so proud of being Canadian.-Ms. McWhinnie
To use a technical word. Term. Phrase. Word. Phrasee. Yucky. Never mind.-Mr. Grose
My bathroom is immaculate, behold my toilet!-Mr. Hodgson
[About Twitter] NO. In whatever context, I will in absolutely no way ever follow you.-Ms. Whitfield
Not every note is equal. Music isnt socialism.-Ms. Mennill
Its very important to know that hes a pimp.-Mme. Kunstmann
Doesnt anyonewant to be a player?
-Ms. Wick
Kraft Dinner and Cheetos belong to the same food group. Its called Fluorescent Orange.-Ms. Engel
Thats what she said Wait, no!-Ms. McWhinnie
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Acknowledgements
Editor-in-Chief:Bridget Guan
Layout Design and Formatting:Mark Xue
Writers and Contributors:
Rusaba Alamjulia brillinger
Celine Fu
Akhil Garg
Bridget Guan
nancy guo
angela li
alex kuhnalexandra-mason-Guertin
Bronte McGillis
Ariana mihai
hana moidujulian moran
amy munro
Alex rochon
henry schut
roy sengupta
sarah-seward-langdon
Jillian Wakarchukowen watt
margot whittington
mark xue
Teacher Mentor and Supervisor:Mr. Hodgson
Special Thanks to:Mr. Grills, Mr. Grose, Mr. McMAHON
To all our beloved readers: we love to hear from all of the Lisgar community so feel free to send in your
comments, feedback, and thoughts regarding this month's issue of the Lisgarwrite.
27Lisgarwrite