mediating with mongolian families july...
TRANSCRIPT
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Mediating with Mongolian Families
July 2019
Presented by Katherine Johnson, PhD
(Law)
Loss fuels the meaning we give to Life
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Link with the Natural World
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Honouring Mongolian Traditions
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Nomadic to City
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Rapidly vanishing
harmony between man
and nature
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Mongolian People’s Republic, 1924 – 1992
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Capturing the link with nature
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Nation Building Through Mediation
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Alcoholism and petty crimes
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The Normative
Information Session
Presented by Katherine Johnson, PhD
(Law)
When all else fails! Mediation
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Loss of Relationship
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12% Success Rate Family Mediation
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The constant factor of change is Loss
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Loss offers an opportunity for a
better understanding of Psychology
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Normative Information Session
Two stages:
◦ Working knowledge of theories the NIS
◦ Independent intake process for mediation in the Family Courts
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Theories of NIS – the basis of developing
empathy
Elements of Growth through Loss Significance of relationships Mindfulness Relational Learning Transactional Analysis Extension to Observer Self DISC Model Meaning Reconstruction Chaos Theory
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The NIS concentrates on the value
of human relationships
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Cyclical Nature of Mindfulness
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RELATIONAL LEARNING
Reality can be so complex that equally valid observations
from differing perspectives can appear to be contradictory
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Observer Self
Adult
Parent
Child
Transactional Analysis and Observer Self
Social Constructionism in action, i.e.,
moving forward with the loss
accommodating the individual with society.
Relational learning and meaning re-
construction to make sense of the loss
(readiness and willingness affecting the
ability to move forward from the loss).
Relational Learning sharing personal
constructs around each other’s loss (Logic,
Willpower and Reason) attempting to make
sense of the loss.
Feelings and experiences around loss affecting
readiness to share.
Bern
e’s
Tra
nsacti
on
al A
naly
sis
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DISC Model
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Psychology
The Individual
LawThe Society
The Continuum of Dispute Resolution as an Agent for
Social Change – An Analysis of Mediation as Social
Constructionism (Micro View)
MediationThe individual
in society
Mediation as the “Game in the Making”
That is, parties sharing their experiences grounded
in their loss in a legal context to identify and address
a new set of rules around the issues, i.e, parties act
as grounded researchers (Charmaz).
The marriage between Psychology and Law
To address Loss
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Chaos Theory
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Unfolding relationships in mediation
resemble Chaos Theory
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Parties’ Opening
Statements
Option Generation
Private Caucus
Exploration Phase
Decision Making to Social
Change
The Continuum of Dispute Resolution as an Agent for
Social Change – An Analysis of Mediation as Social
Constructionism (Micro View)
(3) Re-Constructing the
Loss Individually• Reality testing from possible to
probable options to enable
individual meaning re-
construction around loss
(Neimeyer and Sands)
(1) Identifying individual
Loss• Issue identification – each party
explaining their own personal
constructs around the Loss
(Kelly)
(5) Loss: an Agent for
Organic Social
Change: Observer
Self• From probable options to
decision making to live with the
losses through agreement. That
is:
(2) Deconstructing the Loss• Assessing the severity of the grief in
relation to the capacity to understand the
other’s perspective (Child/Parent)
• Engaging Relational Learning –
exploring the level of readiness and
willingness to understand and/or address
each other’s worldviews/personal
constructs around the losses.
• Engaging Mindfulness (Vago and
Silberswieg) to consider options which
can enable meaning re-construction
through Adult-Adult transactions
(Berne) around the losses
(4) Shared Re-Construction
of the losses• Reality test for probable options that
enable shared meaning-re-construction
around the losses
• Shared meaning re-
construction + individual
relational learning = the
formation of new social
relations = social change
Congratulations!
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Guideline 1: What is Mediation?
Communicate with each other.
Understand each other’s point of view.
Explore ideas and options
Find solutions which are fair and acceptable to both of you.
Mediation is a co-operative decision making
process which is confidential and voluntary
The Mediators will assist you to:-
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Guideline 2: Ways of solving conflict?
Competitive – Winning at all costs. A person tries to get what they want
at the expense of the other person. Co-operative – negotiating for mutual
satisfaction. Focus on solving problems. Collaborative win/win negotiation Meets people’s needs.
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Guideline 3: What to expect in Mediation?
Mediators do not take sides. No counselling / therapy or legal
advice offered. Fair process Sharing of relevant information. Listening to each other’s point of view Future focused Mutual decisions Confidentiality – child abuse is
reported.
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Guideline 4: Mapping the conflict
What is the issue/ problem/ conflict?
How many parties are there?
Write down each person’s needs- What motivated them?
Write down each person’s anxieties or fears.
List those areas we have in common?
What are the options?
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Guideline 4: Mapping the conflict
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Guideline 5: Mapping the conflict – Relational LearningDr Isolina Ricci’s Description of Relationships
Acquaintances or Business
• No assumptions
• Formal courtesies
• Public structured meetings
• Explicit agreements
• Low risk disclosure
• High personal privacy
Negative Intimacy
• Negative assumptions/expectations
• Distrust, disrespect, disloyalty
• Confidences not respected
• Negative implicit agreements/assumptions
• Competitiveness
• Disclosure to hurt the other
• Insecurity, discomfort
• Max intensity of feelings/emotions
Friendship
• Increased assumptions/expectations
• Growing trust, respect, understanding
• Increased emotional exchange
• Increased private meetings
Positive Intimacy
• Positive assumptions/expectations
• Trust, respect, loyalty
• Confidences protected
• Positive implicit agreements/assumptions
• Support/co-operation
• High positive disclosure
• Security, comfort
• Max intensity of feelings/emotions
• high personal privacy
Low/Formal Intensity Investment Involvement of Emotions High/Intimate
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Guideline 6: Understanding the Loss The Process of Separation
• Denial & Disbelief
• Confusion
• Relief
• No acceptance of loss
Shock
• Blame – Self, partner, third partyAnger
• Depression
• Feeling of worthlessness
• Low self-esteemSadness
• Parental relationships
• Reorganising life
• Coping with new roles
Moving Forward
• Loss of trust• Withdrawal• Gradual acceptance
• Developing new roles• Personal Growth
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Guideline 7: Readiness to Move Forward
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Guideline 8: Understanding Conflict Resolution
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Guideline 9: Preparation for Mediation
1 Define ISSUES/NEEDS for your side
- Substantive
- Relational/emotional
- Procedural
and then PRIORITISE them
- Must have
- Would like to have
- Can trade
2 SAME for the other side
3 Create some possible SOLUTIONS to satisfy the needs and priorities of both sides
4 Find both side’s best and worst ALTERNATIVE SOLUTIONS if agreement is NOT
reached at the mediation
5 Ascertain both side’s AUTHORITY to mediate
6 Decide whether to use a negotiating TEAM
7 Research the other side’s NEGOTIATION STYLE and plan strategies to work with that
style
8 Decide on LOCATION for and TIMING of the formal mediation session
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Guideline 10: Questionnaire to prepare for
mediation
1 What am I hoping to achieve through mediation?
2 What are my issues and concerns and how do I rank them in terms of importance?
3 What might the other side hope to achieve by going to mediation?
4 What might be the other side’s issues and concerns and how might they rank them?
5 What are the possible options for settlement that satisfy my needs and priorities?
6 What are the possible options for settlement that satisfy the other side’s needs and priorities?
7 If I do not settle my dispute at mediation what:
- could be the best alternative?
- could be the worst alternative?
8 Does the person who will attend the mediation have complete authority to settle?
9 Should I be sending more than one person to mediation?
10 Am I prepared to completely reappraise my view of the dispute based on what I see, hear and
learn at the mediation?
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The DISC Model – Personal Traits
Direct Influencer
Conscientious Stabiliser
People Focused
TaskFocused
Extravert
Introvert
25
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The DISC Model – Personal Traits
Direct Influencer
Conscientious Stabiliser
People Focused
TaskFocused
Extravert
Introvert
25
30
35
40
45
50
55
60
65
70
75
80
85
90
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25 30 35 40 45 50 55 60 65 70 75 80 85 90 95 100
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Extravert Personal TraitsQuadrant D (Direct Style)
Strengths Improvement Opportunities
Organised Flexibility
Accomplishes tasks Openness
Independent Acceptance of others
Determined Acknowledgement of others
Leaders Co-operation
Goal-oriented “win-win”
Efficient Patience
Direct Encourage others
Strong willed Sensitivity
Decision makers Listen to others
Delegation
Relax
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Extravert Personal TraitsQuadrant I (Influencer Style)
Strengths Improvement Opportunities
Creative Listen receptively
Motivating Follow through
Brainstormer Think before act
Enthusiastic Organisation
Imaginative Plan
Fun loving Do your homework
Energetic Discipline
Risking Set goals/objectives
Competitive “just the facts”
Social skills Straight forward communication
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The DISC Model – Personal Traits
Direct Influencer
Conscientious Stabiliser
People Focused
TaskFocused
Extravert
Introvert
25 30 35 40 45 50 55 60 65 70 75 80 85 90 95 100
25
30
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The DISC Model – Personal Traits
Direct Influencer
Conscientious Stabiliser
People Focused
TaskFocused
Extravert
Introvert
25 30 35 40 45 50 55 60 65 70 75 80 85 90 95 100
25
30
35
40
45
50
55
60
65
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100
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Introvert Personal TraitsQuadrant S (Stabiliser Style)
Strengths Improvement Opportunities
Empathetic Speak up
Assisting Act – take the initiative
Likeable Be direct
Easygoing Express point of view
Intuitive Give feedback
Agreeable Risk
Personable Prioritise
Good listeners Learn to say NO!
Loyal
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Introvert Personal TraitsQuadrant C (Conscientious Style)
Strengths Improvement Opportunities
Logical Make decisions
Problem solvers Implement decisions
Grounded Spontaneity
Gather data Fun
Listeners Communicate
Steady Take the lead
Detail oriented Reach out to people
Systematic/Methodical
Rational
Thorough
Advisors
Knowledgeable
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Negotiating Stylistic Differences
Persons with Direct Style Influencer Style Stabiliser Style Conscientious
Style
Need to learn
to:
Listen to feelings as
well as words.
Humility.
Pause, check
themselves. Count
to 10. Discipline.
Reach for goals.
Determination.
Make decisions
without waiting for
more data. Initiation.
Measure
progress by:
Results. Goal
oriented; may run
over people to get
there.
Applause. Active,
dominant feedback
from audience.
Attention. Like to
have others stroke
them.
Activity. Keep busy
and results will fall
into place.
Must be allowed
to:
Get into
competitive
situations and try to
win.
Get ahead quickly
with a fast moving
challenge.
Relax and feel good
about the people
around them.
Be let off the hook,
not cornered or
pressured.
Will ask: What? (The results
oriented question)
Who? (The
personal, dominant
question)
Why? (The personal,
non-goal question)
How? (The technical
analytical question)
Needs leadership
which:
Allows them
freedom to do
things his/her own
way.
Inspires them to
bigger and better
accomplishments.
Details specific plans
and activities.
Structures a
framework or track
to follow.
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Property of Katherine Pavlidis Johnson, PhD
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Negotiating Stylistic Differences
Persons with Direct Style Influencer Style Stabiliser Style Conscientious
Style
Save. Time. They come
across as busy and
efficient.
Effort. They like to
take the easy way.
Relationships.
friendship means a
lot to them.
Face. They hate to
look bad or get
caught without
data.
Take endorsement
from:
Getting the job
done well and on
time.
Social skills. They
like to be good at
winning people.
Friends. If they still
like me, I must be
doing it right.
Knowledge. They
relate to others
around information.
Become most
effective with:
Position of
authority and
responsibility.
Some structure
within which to
reach the goal.
Structure for the
goal and methods
for the task.
Place to apply
logical analysis.
Rely on the power
of:
Personality. They
hope they’re strong
enough to wing it.
Feeling. Expects
their winning ways
will carry them
through.
Acceptance. Their
ability to stroke
others will save the
day.
Expertise. When in
doubt, go to the
well and bring
more data.
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Traits List ‘A’ (Task Oriented-People Focused)
Circle the number which suits you best and write the sum here: _______
Random 1 2 3 4 Methodical
Expressive 1 2 3 4 Private
Relationship-
oriented
1 2 3 4 Task oriented
Spontaneous 1 2 3 4 Calculated
Gregarious/
Warm
1 2 3 4 Aloof/
Cool
Disorganised 1 2 3 4 Organised
Impulsive 1 2 3 4 Discriminating
Close 1 2 3 4 Distant
Relaxed 1 2 3 4 Self-controlled
Unstructured 1 2 3 4 Structured
Casual/
Disorderly
1 2 3 4 Neat/
Orderly
Tolerant 1 2 3 4 Exacting/
Meticulous
Guided by
inspiration
1 2 3 4 Guided by facts
Demonstrative 1 2 3 4 undemonstrative
Trusting 1 2 3 4 Sceptical
Intuitive 1 2 3 4 Logical
Lenient 1 2 3 4 Strict
Available 1 2 3 4 Undisclosed
Inconsistent 1 2 3 4 Disciplined
Personal 1 2 3 4 Impersonal
Other-directed 1 2 3 4 Self-directed
Friendly 1 2 3 4 Reserved
Feels 1 2 3 4 Thinks
Unconventional 1 2 3 4 Conventional
Likes to work
on a team
1 2 3 4 Likes to work
alone
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Traits List ‘B’ (Introvert-Extravert)
Circle the number which suits you best and write the sum here: _______
Initiating 1 2 3 4 Yielding
Firm 1 2 3 4 Flexible
Self-reliant 1 2 3 4 Supportive
Decides
quickly
1 2 3 4 Contemplates
decisions
Pioneering 1 2 3 4 Comfortable
Eager 1 2 3 4 Patient
Risking 1 2 3 4 Careful
Outspoken 1 2 3 4 Reflective
Enjoys
challenging
1 2 3 4 Enjoys routine
Takes charge 1 2 3 4 Takes direction
Direct/
Blunt
1 2 3 4 Subtle/
Tactile
Pushy 1 2 3 4 Reticent
Makes
statements
1 2 3 4 Asks questions
Insistent 1 2 3 4 Conforming
Dominating 1 2 3 4 Compliant
Acts 1 2 3 4 Ponders
Confrontative 1 2 3 4 Avoids conflict
Outgoing 1 2 3 4 Introspective
Talks 1 2 3 4 Listens
Demanding 1 2 3 4 Accommodating
Out in front 1 2 3 4 Behind the scene
Forceful 1 2 3 4 Receptive
Competitive 1 2 3 4 Cooperative
Extrovert 1 2 3 4 Introvert
Challenges 1 2 3 4 Agrees
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Personal Traits
D I
C S
Property of Katherine Pavlidis JohnsonProperty of Katherine Pavlidis Johnson, PhD