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Memories!of!a!Polish!Girl,!Deported.!!

Written!by!

Tania!Szabanowicz!

6th!May!2014!

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My!name!is!Emily!Haggar.!I!was!born!as!Mina!Szabanowicz!of!Muslim!parents,!

although!the!religion!was!known!as!Muhammadan,!in!Poland,!at!the!time!of!my!birth.!It!

is!believed!that!I!was!born!on!25th!December!1929,!but!unfortunately!all!records!were!

lost!in!the!Second!World!War,!so!I!am!uncertain!of!my!actual!date!of!birth.!I!was!around!

9!or!10!when!the!Russians!invaded!my!villageM!Staniewicze,!took!our!home!and!we!left!

Poland!for!ever.!!

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Left:&My&father&Jan&Szabanowicz&Right:&Helena,&Jacob,&Maria,&Adam&and&Myself&&

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Poland!!

I!lived!on!a!small!working!farm,!possibly!called!Staniewicze!FarmM!with!my!father!Jan,!

mother!Maria,!two!unclesM!Adam!and!Sulejman,!who!were!my!father’s!siblings,!an!aunt,!

my!two!younger!brothers:!Adam!and!Jacob!and!my!two!elder!sistersM!Felicia!and!

Helena.!For!a!while,!my!grandfather!on!my!father’s!side!lived!with!us!too.!I!am!the!

youngest!daughter!of!the!five!children.!My!father!is!believed!to!have!been!born!near!

LithuaniaM!a!Tatar!Muslim!and!it!is!possible!that!his!family!was!also!of!Mongol!

extraction.!

General!Pilsudski!was!president!of!Poland!at!the!time!my!father!was!a!young!

teenager!and!proposed!that!if!anyone!wanted!to!go!to!fight!and!free!Poland!from!the!

Tsars,!where!they!had!governed!Poland!for!over!150!years,!he!would!reward!them!with!

either!money!or!land.!He!mobilised!the!Polish!army!and!declared!war!on!Russia!and!

consequently,!the!Polish!forces!were!victorious.!As!a!result!my!father!chose!to!have!

some!land!because!his!father!before!him!had!lost!his!own!land!by!gambling!and!

squandering!it,!which!meant!that!the!children,!six!

sons!and!one!daughter,!would!not!inherit!anything.!!

Eventually,!my!father!settled!on!the!farm!

in!Staniewicze,!which!was!near!to!the!Russian!

border.!!

The!land!was!very!much!neglected,!you!

couldn’t!even!call!it!a!farm,!and!it!was!full!of!pine!

trees!and!boulders,!so!my!father!had!to!really!work!

hard!to!clear!it.!My!father!soon!met!and!married!

my!mother,!Maria!Rafalowicz,!who!was!born!in!the!

village!of!Murawszczyzna,!Poland!in!1906.!My&Mother,&Maria&Szabanowicz&&

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Our!farm!house!was!made!of!wood!and!mud.!We!had!a!large!brick!oven!in!

our!kitchen!which!my!siblings!and!I!used!to!sit!on!to!keep!warm,!with!a!glass!of!fresh!

cold!milk,!in!the!freezing!winter.!The!oven!had!a!flat!top!that!could!be!slept!on!because!

it!was!so!warm!all!the!time.!The!icy!snow!outside!would!glisten,!especially!under!the!

moonlight.!!

Beyond!our!kitchen!was!the!bedroom!where!my!uncles,!Adam!and!Sulejman,!

slept.!Apparently,!there!were!only!three!people!in!the!whole!of!Poland!that!read!as!

much!as!Adam!did,!so!he!got!sent!free!books,!though!I’m!not!sure!who!by.!He!had!so!

many!books,!but!he!ran!out!of!room!in!our!house,!so!he!built!a!hut!in!the!woods!to!keep!

them!in.!I!remember!going!with!him!to!help!him!build!it.!He!was!very!strong,!but!he!

contracted!what!was!most!likely!polio!around!the!age!of!eight!and!he!only!had!one!

good!hand!and!two!fingers!on!his!other!hand.!However,!when!I!was!really!small,!he!

used!to!pick!me!up!and!lift!me!so!I!could!stand!on!his!good!hand.!!

When!my!parents!had!gone!out,!they!used!to!leave!my!uncles!in!charge!of!us.!

We!used!to!sit!around!the!fire!in!our!living!room!and!Uncle!Adam!used!to!tell!us!stories.!

Sometimes,!they!were!so!scary!we!would!have!to!look!under!the!bed!or!in!the!corners.!

Then!when!our!parents!came!back,!they!always!used!to!bring!us!sweets!and!a!loaf!of!

white!bread!to!eat!as!all!we!normally!had!was!brown,!with!rye!grain.!The!forest!where!

our!farm!was!built!was!made!up!of!pine!trees.!There!were!also!a!lot!of!hazelnuts,!

cranberries!and!wild!strawberries!which!we!used!to!pick!and!eat.! !

We!had!a!wide!staircase!inside!of!the!house!which!led!upstairs!to!the!loft!of!

the!house!where!the!chickens!we!kept!used!to!roost!of!an!evening!because!it!was!

warm.!One!thing!I!remember!was!the!loud!noise!the!chickens!used!to!make!in!our!

garden.!!My!mother!used!to!look!after!them,!but!my!siblings!and!I!used!to!go!out!and!

search!for!the!eggs!that!the!hens!had!laid,!because!they!were!so!free!range.!!My!father!

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used!to!harvest!the!rye!grain,!wheat,!barley,!oats!and!buckwheat!for!making!bread!and!

feeding!the!farm!animals.!Both!of!my!parents!used!to!employ!some!of!the!people!in!the!

village.!The!women!used!to!help!mother!look!after!us!children,!for!housework,!and!

sometimes!to!help!on!the!farm!as!well.!The!men!used!to!help!with!the!harvesting!of!the!

grain.!

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The!house!itself!wasn’t!that!big,!but!there!were!two!sections!of!the!farm,!one!

smaller!one,!in!which!we!grew!tomatoes!and!beetroot!and!the!other!section!was!bigger,!

with!carrots,!swedes!with!many!other!root!vegetables!growing!in!it!as!well!as!fruit.!We!

all!used!to!pick!them!and!eat!them!raw.!There!was!also!another!gate!in!which!the!cattle!

were!let!through!to!the!fields.!We!also!had!sheep,!five!cows!and!two!horses.!As!the!

farm!progressed,!father!had!begun!to!invest!in!new!more!modern!machinery!and!

livestock.!He!was!already!selling!milk!and!some!grain!to!the!market.!He!was!very!much!

a!part!of!the!farming!community!and!the!farm!was!prospering!very!nicely.!

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!My&father&is&second&from&right&at&the&back&on&a&farming&course&in&Iwie,&15&–&17th&

June&1939&

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I!started!going!to!school!at!the!age!of!seven!and!my!sisters!and!I!used!to!walk!

to!our!school!which!was!about!5!miles!away!in!Iwie.!We!had!to!go!through!the!pine!

woods!where!wolves!livedM!we!used!to!hear!them!howling!in!the!distance.!The!journey!

was!particularly!difficult!during!the!winter!as!the!snow!was!so!deep!and!meant!we!

couldn’t!see!where!the!road!or!fields!were.!On!one!occasion,!one!of!my!sisters!fell!into!

a!ditch!because!the!snow!was!so!high.!

At!school,!my!favourite!subject!was!history.!We!were!also!taught!Catholicism,!

but!all!of!us!that!were!brought!up!as!Tatars!were!allowed!out!during!the!time!the!rest!of!

my!classmates!were!taught!by!the!priest.!Our!family!had!to!arrange!to!go!to!our!own!

religious!teachings,!so!my!siblings!and!I!used!to!go!and!visit!the!Imam!instead.!!

Just!before!the!war!began,!everything!was!progressing!nicely!and!life!was!

pretty!good!and!if!it!had!not!been!for!the!war,!we!probably!would!have!been!working!on!

the!farm!and!may!have!married!one!of!the!boys!in!the!next!village!from!our!own!

religious!background.!

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Second!World!War!

Then!the!Second!World!War!broke!out!and!my!father!disappeared.!We!were!not!certain!

what!happened!to!him!as!there!were!many!rumours!regarding!his!whereabouts.!It!is!

said!that!he!was!conscripted!into!the!Polish!army.!He!was!39!at!the!time,!but!had!he!

been!40,!he!would!have!not!been!sent!to!the!front!line.!Some!people!thought!my!father!

had!volunteered!to!join!the!army!in!the!hope!he!would!win!some!more!land!and!others!

suggested!he!was!conscripted.!

We!also!heard!that!he!was!behind!the!lines,!perhaps!as!a!chef!or!cook!for!the!

troops.!However,!we!were!not!certain!as!there!were!also!stories!circulating!that!he!had!

been!captured!by!the!Germans.!!!

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It!is!also!suggested!that!my!father!was!released!by!the!Germans!as!they!had!

nothing!against!Muslims!and!that!he!supposedly!went!on!to!become!mayor!of!

Bialystok.!It!is!alleged!that!my!father!was!attacked,!robbed!and!killed!on!his!way!back!

from!work!one!night.!We!also!heard!he!was!killed!in!Warsaw.!There!are!also!rumours!

that!he!was!executed!by!Stalin!at!some!point!as!well,!possibly!during!the!Katyn!

Massacre.!Not!too!long!ago,!a!mass!grave!was!discovered,!so!he!could!have!been!

there.!However,!he!vanished,!and!even!now!we!still!do!not!know!what!truly!happened!

to!him.!!

Rumours!that!the!Russians!and!the!Germans!were!coming!to!Poland!began!

to!spread!and!people!in!our!village!were!afraid.!!The!general!word!going!around!

seemed!to!be!to!‘lock!your!doors!and!windows!and!don’t!let!anybody!in!your!house.’!

The!people!from!other!villages!around!us!used!to!come!to!our!farm!as!well!as!our!

neighbours,!and!tell!us!all!to!‘be!very!careful!who!you!speak!to!and!who!you!let!in’.!!At!

this!point,!we!had!no!contact!at!all!from!my!father!or!any!idea!where!he!was!what!or!

what!he!was!doing.!My!mother!was!managing!the!farm!nicely!on!her!own!with!the!help!

of!my!Uncle!Sulejman.!!

Then!on!the!morning!of!the!10th!February!1940,!the!Soviets!came!to!our!

house.!It!was!about!6!o’clock!and!they!thumped!hard!on!our!front!door!shouting!“get!

up,!get!up”!through!the!door.!We!were!all!crying!and!very!scared!as!we!had!no!idea!

what!or!who!was!at!our!door.!My!mother!opened!it!and!six!Soviet!soldiers!and!a!Jewish!

man!marched!in.!The!Jewish!man!was!practically!selling!our!family!to!the!Russians.!He!

told!them!that!my!father!fought!in!the!war!against!them!and!that!he!had!gone!to!war!

again!to!fight!against!them.!The!Jewish!people!were!so!happy!the!Russians!had!come!

instead!of!the!Germans!as!they!knew!already!what!was!happening!to!the!Jews!

elsewhere.!They!were!also!relieved!because!they!knew!nothing!would!happen!to!them,!

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they!would!be!looked!after!by!the!Russians.!My!mother!got!angry!with!the!Jewish!man!

and!said!‘I!may!not!return,!but!if!I!do,!I’ll!just!kill!you.!My!husband!was!always!very!good!

to!you,!what!has!he!ever!done!to!you!that!means!you!have!to!talk!about!him!like!that?’!!

The!Russians!told!us!to!bring!all!our!farming!equipment,!kitchen!utensils,!

anything!else!that’s!sharp!and!put!it!on!the!dining!room!table.!They!asked!us!how!many!

people!were!in!the!house!and!whether!there!were!any!guns!or!ammunition!in!the!

house.!My!mother!was!so!scared!and!told!them!we!didn’t!have!any.!Only!then!did!she!

remember!that!my!father!always!kept!a!gun!under!the!pillow,!so!she!told!one!of!my!

uncles,!Sulejman,!to!go!and!get!it!and!to!dispose!of!it.!Sulejman!was!very!short!sighted,!

but!a!gentle!character,!he!used!to!look!after!our!farm!animals.!Anyway,!he!threw!the!

gun!in!the!soft!snow!and!didn’t!look!back.!A!Soviet!soldier!spotted!him!and!then!

followed!him!and!picked!up!the!gun.!Originally!the!Russians!had!given!us!only!two!

hours!to!get!ready!and!pack!our!belongings.!The!Soviet!bought!back!the!gun!and!said!

to!my!mother!‘what’s!thisM!you!said!you!didn’t!have!any!ammunition?’!She!explained!

that!she!had!forgotten!about!it.!When!they!found!the!gun!they!reduced!our!time!to!90!

minutes!and!placed!my!Uncle!Sulejman!on!a!chair!and!told!him!not!to!move.!My!other!

uncle,!Adam,!was!quite!disabled.!He!fell!on!the!floor!and!said!‘I’m!not!going!anywhere!

without!my!books,!do!what!you!like,!but!I’m!not!going!anywhere!without!them.’!Because!

of!his!condition,!he!had!to!have!special!shoes!made!as!he!had!one!foot!facing!forward!

and!one!backward.!The!Russians!just!picked!him!up!and!dumped!him!on!the!sledge!

they!had!waiting!for!us!outside.!!Uncle!Adam!didn’t!have!any!shoes!or!a!coat!on!and!it!

was!an!extremely!cold,!bitter!winter.!When!the!Russians!first!arrived!at!our!house,!they!

said!we!would!be!taken!to!another!village!or!town!in!Poland!and!our!house!was!to!be!

used!by!the!Soviets,!but!when!the!war!was!over,!we!could!return!to!our!home.!!We!

gathered!as!much!as!we!could,!with!my!older!sister!Helena!helping!my!mother!as!my!

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brothers!and!I!were!too!young!to!do!much.!Adam!had!to!leave!without!his!books,!which!

the!Russian!soldiers!burnt!in!the!end,!as!they!thought!there!could!be!something!political!

in!them.!!With!us!all!on!the!sledge,!off!we!went!to!the!nearest!town!with!a!railway!

station!in!Iwie.!It!is!quite!likely!that!after!we!left,!they!also!slaughtered!all!the!animals!on!

our!farm.!!

When!we!got!to!the!station,!we!were!all!put!into!the!cattle!train.!Everyone!was!

hysterical!and!crying!and!the!temperature!was!freezing.!!The!trucks!were!crowded!with!

men,!women!and!children!all!together.!For!some!reason!there!was!an!iron!stove!in!the!

middle!of!the!truck,!possibly!for!coal,!but!I!don’t!really!remember!why.!There!were!also!

bunk!beds!with!three!tiers.!The!mothers!and!their!children!were!always!on!the!bottom,!

but!they!put!my!poor!Uncle!Adam!up!on!the!top!bunk.!There!wasn’t!a!proper!toilet!on!

the!train,!so!some!men!made!a!hole!in!the!floor!and!hung!a!blanket!around!it,!which!

became!our!toilet.!!As!my!Uncle!Adam!was!up!on!the!highest!bunk,!he!went!three!

weeks!without!going!to!the!toilet!as!he!couldn’t!get!down!to!use!it.!There!was!little!food!

too.!We!brought!some!from!the!house!when!we!left,!but!it!soon!ran!out!and!the!women!

started!to!shout!and!bang!on!the!windowsM!‘our!children!are!hungry,!give!us!food.’!Now!

and!then,!they!opened!the!window!and!gave!us!cabbage!soup!or!a!bit!of!porridge,!but!it!

wasn’t!enough.!!People!started!to!question!where!we!were!going,!but!they!guessed!that!

we!had!left!the!Polish!borders,!going!towards!Russia.!No!one!had!any!idea!we!were!

travelling!to!Siberia.!We!kept!going,!passing!different!towns!and!ended!up!in!Siberia,!

near!to!the!Chinese!border.!After!we!left!Poland,!my!father!apparently!wrote!to!us!

because!he!didn’t!know!what!had!happened!to!us.!Nobody!could!tell!him!where!we!

were!to!write!to!us.!People!told!him!my!mother!had!gone!mad!and!jumped!out!of!the!

train.!She!was!so!desperate!and!alone,!although!my!two!uncles!were!with!us!during!the!

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journey!to!Siberia,!they!were!not!very!able.!Somehow,!she!got!all!of!us!through!that!

hell.!

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Siberia!

The!train!finally!stopped!and!from!there,!we!were!put!onto!sledges!again!and!taken!to!a!

camp!with!huge!barracks!which!would,!unknowingly,!be!our!new!home.!Everyone!was!

assigned!a!job!to!do,!but!my!Uncle!Adam!simply!couldn’t!work!because!of!his!disability!

and!he!refused!to!eat!what!food!we!were!given,!begging!the!Russians!to!take!him!

away.!So!they!did,!to!a!camp!about!two!hundred!miles!away.!Some!time!later,!we!

heard!the!camp!got!burnt!down!and!we!never!heard!from!him!again.!!The!rest!of!my!

family!had!to!work!for!the!food.!My!sister!Helena!was!taken!to!cut!down!big!pine!trees!

with!a!large!saw!and!my!mother!got!taken!to!work!in!a!communal!garden,!growing!

vegetables,!but!of!course,!they!weren’t!meant!for!us.!My!mother!hoped!that!she!would!

steal!some!food!from!there,!so!she!and!a!neighbour,!who!also!happened!to!be!from!our!

village!in!Poland,!asked!one!of!the!supervisors!if!they!could!take!the!leaves!from!the!

tops!of!the!vegetables.!My!mother!and!our!neighbour!explained!to!the!guard!that!they!

‘need!to!feed!our!children,!they!have!nothing!to!eat.’!My!mother!and!the!neighbour!

begged!him,!but!the!supervisor!refused!their!pleas!and!told!them!the!leaves!were!for!

the!pigs.!However,!my!mother!had!luckily!packed!my!father’s!big!old!army!coat,!so!she!

put!it!on!over!her!trousers!and!tied!them!together!with!string!like!a!belt.!She!and!her!

friend!used!to!hide!a!few!vegetables!in!their!clothes!and!take!them!to!the!woods!when!

the!guard!wasn’t!looking.!They!had!to!remember!exactly!where!they!had!hidden!them!

and!then!walk!for!miles!and!miles!in!midbwinter!in!the!middle!of!the!night!to!find!the!

food!they!had!hidden!in!the!forest!and!stuff!their!clothes!with!the!leaves.!As!well!as!

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hiding!the!vegetables,!my!mother!took!a!few!of!the!hessian!sacks!the!vegetables!were!

put!into,!for!trousers!that!could!be!made!for!my!two!brothers.!!

I!remember!my!mother!once!nearly!killed!a!Soviet!soldier.!The!rule!in!the!

camp!was!that!if!you!didn’t!work,!you!didn’t!eat.!She!never!had!any!time!off!to!do!

anything!else.!One!day!a!Soviet!soldier!asked!her!why!she!wasn’t!working!and!she!said!

‘Well!I!have!to!look!after!my!children!as!well’!He!said!‘no,!you!have!to!go!to!work’!She!

stood!up,!!grabbed!an!axe!from!somewhere!and!shouted!‘if!you!don’t!get!out!of!here,!I!

will!kill!you’!at!the!soldier.!My!mother!was!very!angry!at!the!soldier!but!because!she!

threatened!him!she!was!jailed!for!a!couple!of!days.!

The!camp!in!Siberia!was!a!terrible!place,!so!bad!that!people!were!glad!to!be!

dying!and!some!people!even!prayed!that!they!would!die.!Those!that!were!still!living!

were!all!ragged,!thin!and!dirty.!I!do!remember!one!thing!that!wasn’t!completely!terrible.!

Although!the!summers!were!fairly!short,!we!used!to!walk!with!bare!feet!and!the!small!

snakes!used!to!slither!over!our!feet.!It!was!a!perplexing!feeling.!!

Eventually!there!was!a!rumour!we!would!be!leaving!the!camp!after!having!

been!there!for!two!years!and!shortly!after!the!rumours!began,!we!were!put!onto!

sledges!and!taken!to!the!station.!!

Whilst!we!were!waiting!for!the!train!for!Uzbekistan,!the!platforms!were!very!

crowded!with!many!people!who!were!very!ill!and!dying.!There!was!a!man!stood!next!to!

my!family!on!the!platform!and!I!remember!that!he!just!dropped!dead,!right!in!front!of!us.!

In!fact,!there!was!a!stench!of!death!in!the!air!!around!us,!as!so!many!people!had!

already!died.!We!took!it!all!as!a!warning!as!all!we!cared!about!was!surviving!and!trying!

to!get!something,!anything,!to!eat.!We!were!all!so!thin!and!looked!like!skeletons.!

Whilst!we!were!at!the!station,!my!mother!and!her!friend!went!to!the!Polish!

consulate!in!the!hope!of!getting!some!food.!She!was!given!some!large!tins!of!corned!

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beef,!but!when!she!returned!with!them,!we!had!nothing!to!open!the!tins!with,!but!I!

remember!eating!it,!so!somehow,!we!must!have!managed!to!open!the!tins.!Just!before!

we!left,!a!Soviet!woman!walked!up!to!us!and!asked!my!mother!if!she!was!able!to!look!

after!us!five!children!and!she!offered!to!take!two!of!us!to!an!orphanage!which!would!

help!my!mother!be!able!to!feed!the!remaining!children.!My!mother!didn’t!want!to!do!it!

but!with!huge!regret,!she!thought!that!this!might!be!for!the!best!for!me!and!my!brother!

Jacob.!!

In!the!meantime,!the!Soviet!woman!went!off!to!see!some!other!people!and!

said!she!would!come!back!shortly!to!take!my!brother!and!I,!but!whilst!she!was!away,!

the!train!arrived!and!we!all!hurried!on!together,!even!though!we!didn’t!know!where!our!

destination!was.!

!

Uzbekistan!

After!a!very!uncomfortable!journey,!due!to!the!fact!that!the!train!was!so!overcrowded,!

we!arrived!in!Uzbekistan.!

I!remember!that!Uzbekistan!was!a!very!hot!country,!especially!compared!to!

Siberia.!We!lived!in!a!camp!with!dozens!of!other!evacuees!and!we!were!given!some!

very!sparse!accommodationM!wooden!huts,!which!consisted!of!some!very!rough!beds.!

The!beds!were!slatted!and!in!amongst!the!slats!were!hundreds!of!bed!bugs,!the!

bedding!was!also!full!of!lice!and!we!all!hadn’t!washed!in!a!long!time.!We!couldn’t!sleep!

for!very!long!as!we!were!constantly!scratching!due!to!the!fact!that!we!were!almost!

being!eaten!aliveM!they!grew!fatter!as!we!grew!thinner.!My!Uncle!Sulejman!used!to!

sleep!outside!in!a!sand!pit.!Even!out!there!he!was!being!eaten!by!the!bugs!and!on!one!

night,!a!Russian!soldier!said!to!him!“why!don’t!you!just!die,!or!if!you!like!I!could!shoot!

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you?”!My!poor!kind!natured!uncle!just!smiled!and!said!nothingM!in!fact!he!barely!had!the!

strength!to!say!anything.!!

Normally!we!had!to!buy!our!food,!which!was!always!cabbage!soup.!We!had!to!

obtain!vouchers!stating!how!many!portions!we!required,!which!I!think!was!seven!at!the!

time,!but!as!we!were!always!so!hungry,!we!used!to!try!and!cheat!and!increase!this!to!

more!every!time.!After!a!while,!the!kitchen!staff!started!to!suspect!us!as!we!did!it!more!

and!more,!and!eventually!we!were!caught!and!they!punished!us.!!

The!kitchen!was!crawling!with!cockroaches!and!they!often!used!to!drop!into!

our!food.!We!used!to!pick!them!out!and!carry!on!eating.!What!are!a!few!cockroaches!

here!and!there!when!you’re!starving?!Still!after!all!this!time!we!hadn’t!seen!nor!had!any!

bread!and!the!thought!of!food!was!always!on!our!minds.!

Uzbekistan!had!so!many!wonderful,!exotic!fruits!growing!in!the!orchards!there!

but!we!were!not!allowed!to!have!any.!We!tried!to!steal!food,!particularly!the!cattle!

cakesM!these!were!small!round!lumps!of!greenery!used!for!feeding!the!cows.!!We!also!

used!to!try!and!steal!nettles!from!the!field!and!then!the!Uzbek!children!used!to!throw!

stones!and!shout!‘get!out!from!there!you!Polaks’!at!us.!!

There!were!a!few!young!Polish!men!within!the!group!at!the!camp!who!were!

deemed!to!be!able!and!fit.!There!was!a!Polish!army!unit!stationed!about!20!kilometres!

away!and!many!of!these!young!men!were!recruited!to!go!and!fight!in!the!war.!My!

mother!took!my!younger!brother!Jacob!to!the!unit!see!if!they!would!accept!him!into!the!

army!but!they!refused!him!on!the!grounds!that!firstly!he!was!much!too!young!being!only!

about!10!or!11,!but!he!was!also!quite!short!for!his!age.!They!said!that!had!he!been!a!bit!

taller,!they!might!have!taken!him!in.!

! My!Uncle!Sulejman!also!decided!to!try!and!enlist!even!though!he!was!very!

weak!and!also!because!he!felt!he!was!being!a!strain!on!the!rest!of!the!family.!He!

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thought!that!at!least!he!might!be!able!to!do!some!menial!work!in!the!army!in!return!for!

food!and!shelter.!He!walked!the!20!kilometres,!resting!along!the!way.!They!turned!him!

down!because!he!was!very!short!sighted!and!not!suitable!for!the!army!in!any!capacity!

but!they!gave!him!10!rubles!to!buy!some!food!for!his!journey!back.!On!the!way!back!he!

was!very!weak!and!hungry!but!was!desperate!to!bring!his!money!back!to!my!mother.!

He!stopped!to!rest!under!a!tree,!fell!asleep!and!died.!The!officials!went!to!my!mum!and!

told!them!that!her!husband!had!died,!thinking!that!my!Uncle!Sulejman!was!her!

husband.!They!brought!his!body!back!to!the!camp!and!buried!him!according!to!the!

Muslim!religion.!

Sometime!later,!my!sister!Helena!got!ill!with!typhoid!and!was!taken!to!the!

hospital!some!distance!away.!Then!I!also!got!ill,!something!to!do!with!my!kidneys,!so!I!

had!to!go!as!well.!They!put!Helena!and!I!on!the!same!mattress!on!the!floor,!but!luckily,!

I!did!not!catch!typhoid!from!her.!When!I!was!better!and!they!signed!me!out,!I!saw!a!

neighbour’s!son!who!I!knew!from!Poland!who!was!also!at!the!hospital.!We!were!going!

to!go!back!to!the!same!camp!where!the!rest!of!my!family!was!but!neither!he!nor!I!could!

remember!which!camp!we!were!in,!he!said!Stalin!1!and!I!said!Stalin!2.!A!driver!with!a!

horse!and!cart!came!to!take!us!back!to!one!of!them!but!it!must!have!been!the!wrong!

one!as!there!was!no!one!there!we!recognised!so!the!driver!took!us!back!to!the!hospital!

but!in!fact!as!it!was!getting!late,!he!refused!to!take!us!all!the!way!back!to!the!hospital!

and!he!left!us!with!a!family!that!he!knew!and!said!that!he!would!return!the!next!day.!

The!family!gave!us!a!spoon!between!the!two!of!us!to!eat!with,!a!small!bowl!of!soup!and!

a!mattress!to!sleep!on.!The!next!day!the!driver!did!not!return,!so!the!boy!and!I!decided!

to!walk!back!to!the!hospital!and!on!the!way!we!found!a!hut!and!we!decided!to!rest!as!

we!were!hot,!thirsty!and!very!hungry.!The!boy!went!into!the!hut,!which!was!very!dark!

inside,!and!he!saw!a!dead!man!slumped!against!the!wall,!right!at!the!back.!!We!were!

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lost!and!not!sure!where!to!go,!and!while!we!were!sitting!outside!the!hut,!a!man!with!a!

camel!came!along!and!he!offered!to!take!us!back!to!the!hospital.!I!sat!on!the!camel!at!

the!front!and!the!boy!was!at!the!back.!At!one!stage!the!camel!put!his!head!down!and!I!

slid!down!his!neck!which!we!found!quite!funny.!!As!we!arrived!back!at!the!hospital,!my!

sister!Felicia!had!just!arrived!to!visit!us!and!we!went!back!with!her!on!the!cart,!this!time!

to!the!right!camp.!

!After!we!hadn’t!eaten!much!for!quite!some!time,!a!poor!lone!donkey!strayed!

into!our!camp!and!came!by!our!hut.!My!mother!and!a!neighbour!were!so!desperate!for!

food!that!they!got!hold!of!the!donkey!and!killed!it.!They!took!a!belt!and!tied!it!tight!round!

its!nose!like!a!muzzle,!then!took!a!large!tool,!perhaps!a!hammer,!and!hit!it!over!the!

head!and!then!cut!it!up.!It!must!have!been!a!miracle,!because!the!neighbour!had!her!

husband’s!suit!hanging!up!on!the!wall!and!it!was!a!perfect!place!to!hide!the!meat.!They!

stuffed!as!much!of!the!donkey!meat!as!they!could!in!the!sleeves,!trouser!legs!and!

pockets.!The!floor!of!the!hut!was!made!of!mud!and!underneath!the!bunks!was!a!hollow,!

so!my!mother!and!the!other!women!hid!some!under!there!also.!Eventually,!some!

Uzbek!women!came!to!our!hut!and!asked!us!if!we!had!seen!a!donkey.!My!mother!and!

her!neighbour!denied!they!had!seen!it,!but!for!some!reason,!they!didn’t!believe!us.!!

They!came!inside!and!started!looking!around,!even!under!the!bed,!but!how!they!didn’t!

see!the!chunks!of!meat!there!or!see!the!suit!stuffed!full!of!it,!I!will!never!know.!!The!

same!thing!happened!with!a!goat!and!again,!the!Uzbek!women!came!looking!for!the!

goat,!but!we!got!away!with!that!also.!I!really!believe!this!was!a!true!miracle!because!if!

they!had!found!the!meat,!I’m!sure!the!Uzbeks!would!have!killed!us!for!killing!their!

animals.!

After!around!six!months!in!Uzbekistan,!there!was!talk!that!we!would!be!

leaving,!so!we!thought!about!preparing!some!food!for!the!journey.!My!sister!Helena!

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was!in!charge!of!the!cooking,!but!we!didn’t!have!any!wood!for!burning,!though!we!had!

brought!a!big!iron!pot!with!us!from!Poland.!!There!was!a!lot!of!cotton!growing!around!

us,!so!we!stole!some!cotton!stalks!and!some!of!the!planks!from!under!the!bed!and!

made!a!fire!out!of!it!in!the!hut!as!we!didn’t!want!to!get!caught!cooking.!The!large!pot!

was!sitting!on!the!fire!coming!to!the!boil.!We!watched!it,!like!hungry!wolves.!I!asked!

Helena!if!I!could!have!a!bit,!but!she!refused!as!it!was!still!raw.!!If!the!Uzbek!ladies!had!

seen!us,!they!would!have!killed!us.!When!it!was!beginning!to!come!to!the!boil!the!fuel!

for!cooking!was!running!out,!Helena!strained!the!meat!so!that!we!could!eat.!Even!dogs!

wouldn’t!have!eaten!meat!this!rancid.!However,!we!were!so!hungry,!but!we!had!to!save!

as!much!as!we!could!for!the!journey.!We!ate!a!bit,!but!it!didn’t!smell!and!nobody!got!ill!

from!eating!it,!especially!seeing!as!we!all!had!empty!stomachs.!!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

!

We!left!Uzbekistan!and!travelled!to!what!was!then!Persia,!now!Iran,!to!the!

capital,!Teheran.!!The!Persian!people!used!to!come!into!our!camp!and!sell!us!all!these!

boiled!eggs!and!chapattis,!we!wanted!it!all.!However,!the!guards!told!us!not!to!eat!too!

much,!because!our!stomachs!will!have!shrunk!and!wouldn’t!have!been!used!to!food!as!

A&travel&document&for&Teheran&for&my&mother&Maria,&showing&her&dependents&

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we!hadn’t!eaten!properly!for!such!a!long!time.!Some!people!could!not!resist!the!

temptation!of!eating!too!much!and!in!fact!quite!a!few!people!died!from!this.!

Hunger!and!food!were!the!main!things!we!all!thought!about.!We!were!always!

hungry.!In!Persia,!we!had!white!bread,!white*bread.!We!promised!ourselves!that!if!we!

got!out!alive,!we!would!never!again!waste!any!food.!We!all!looked!like!skeletons!and!

our!hair!had!been!shaved!previously,!because!of!the!lice!infestation.!We!stayed!there!

for!a!little!while,!I!can’t!remember!how!long,!maybe!about!6!months.!From!there,!we!

travelled!by!boat!to!Karachi!in!Pakistan.!All!the!sailors!were!so!very!kindM!they!gave!us!

plenty!to!eat!and!looked!after!us!really!wellM!they!gave!us!oranges!and!bread!to!eat.!

!

Africa!

After!many!months!we!

eventually!arrived!in!East!

Africa!and!they!took!us!by!

open!lorries!to!Tanganyika!b!

which!is!now!known!as!

Tanzania,!in!Africa.!They!

took!us!to!a!refugee!camp!

known!as!Tengeru.!This!was!

still!being!constructed!when!we!all!arrived,!but!we!had!a!lovely!little!hut!which!was!built!

under!a!tree!that!my!siblings!and!I!used!to!play!under.!The!round!hut!consisted!of!one!

room,!one!window!and!a!door.!There!were!only!four!beds,!which!wasn’t!enough!for!the!

six!of!us.!They!were!building!a!school,!a!Catholic!church!and!many!other!buildings!one!

might!find!in!a!small!town.!We!were!also!sent!clothing!from!America,!a!little!like!the!

relief!help!other!countries!get!now.!!

My&sister,&Felicia&Szabanowicz&

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On!the!boat!going!to!Africa,!we!had!befriended!a!

woman!and!her!son!and!they!had!a!similar!sized!hut!in!the!

camp.!As!there!were!only!the!two!of!them,!she!offered!to!

take!my!sister!Felicia,!who!was!about!14!at!the!time,!to!go!

and!stay!with!them.!The!woman!had!another!son,!who!was!

in!the!Polish!army!in!England.!So!without!our!knowledge,!

her!intention!was!to!convert!my!sister!from!Muslim!to!

Catholic!and!send!her!to!England!to!marry!her!son.!My!

sister!was!sent!to!the!priest!in!the!refugee!camp!to!be!

converted!into!a!Catholic,!all!in!secret.!Eventually,!my!

sister!was!sent!over!to!Luton!by!this!woman.!We!didn’t!know!

anything!about!it!at!first!and!had!no!idea!what!had!happened!to!Felicia.!The!woman!

eventually!told!us!that!she!had!sent!my!sister!to!England!and!the!reason!why.!

Naturally,!my!mother!was!very!shocked.!However,!as!we!found!out!later,!Felicia!met!

another!soldier,!Ted!Polataijko,!in!England!and!married!him!instead.!Her!husband!

never!knew!about!the!fact!that!she!wasn’t!always!a!Catholic,!which!we!didn’t!find!out!

about!until!many!years!later!when!we!met!up!with!her!and!her!family!in!England.!

!

Going!to!Africa!was!also!the!first!time!we!had!seen!black!people!in!the!flesh,!

but!the!African!people!were!very!nice!to!us!and!they!learnt!Polish,!so!they!could!

communicate!with!usM!we!couldn’t!speak!a!word!of!English.!!They!had!such!a!good!

understanding!of!the!languageM!there!was!one!man!living!nearby,!that!you!would!think!

that!he!was!Polish!if!you!heard!him!speak.!We!also!learnt!to!speak!Swahili!pretty!

quickly!as!well.!It’s!such!an!easy,!lovely!language!to!learn.!!

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Anyway,!I!made!a!few!friends!in!

TengeruM!I!remember!one!of!them!was!called!

Kristina.!Her!mother!was!my!school!teacherM!

she!was!funny!and!kind!to!me.!I!think!Kristina!

and!her!family!eventually!went!to!Australia,!but!

we!lost!touch!with!one!another.!All!the!children!

attended!the!school!and!regardless!of!age,!we!

all!attended!the!same!class.!I!wasn’t!all!that!

great!at!mathematics!but!I!passed!my!exams!

in!geography,!biology!and!literature.!We!had!to!

do!poetry!and!story!recitals,!learning!long!

pieces!of!writing!for!homework,!often!for!the!

next!day!and!then!stand!in!front!of!the!whole!

class.!Sometimes!we!had!to!sing!in!front!of!everybody.!I!hated!doing!that.!!

Whilst!we!were!at!school,!my!mother!created!a!garden!around!our!hut!and!

asked!some!of!the!African!boys!to!build!her!a!brick!oven!in!our!garden,!so!we!could!

have!our!own!as!opposed!to!the!communal!one,!though!we!still!used!it!from!time!to!

time.!!

! ! There!was!a!row!of!shops!not!far!from!us,!mostly!run!by!Indian!people.!The!

materials!they!sold!for!sarees!were!so!beautiful!and!shinyM!we’d!never!seen!anything!so!

stunning!before.!The!shop!workers!picked!up!our!language!so!easily!and!before!long,!it!

was!easy!to!communicate!with!them.!!

We!were!living!in!Tanganyika!for!around!4!or!5!year!and!our!family!were!the!

only!Tatar!family!there!whilst!we!were!there,!although!much!later!on!we!met!another!

Tater!family.!Most!of!the!other!families!were!Catholic.!!The!Catholics!used!to!put!pork!in!

LMR:&Me,&another&friend&and&Kristina&in&Tengeru&&

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our!food!whilst!we!were!cooking!it!just!to!see!if!anything!happened!after!we!ate!it.!Of!

course,!nothing!did!actually!happen,!but!we!only!learnt!this!later!on!after!somebody!told!

us.!I!thought!this!was!a!very!small!minded!thing!to!do.!This!wasn’t!the!only!thing!they!

did!to!us!either.!On!a!Sunday,!my!mother!used!to!work!in!her!garden!when!everybody!

else!in!Tengeru!went!to!church.!!They!used!to!mock!her!and!ask!her!why!she!wasn’t!

going!or!why!she!was!working!on!a!Sunday.!!

Eventually!there!was!talk!of!our!family!being!sent!back!to!Poland,!but!we!

didn’t!want!to!go!because!it!had!been!taken!over!by!the!Russians.!However,!word!got!

out!into!the!Muslim!community!in!nearby!Arusha!and!also!in!Nairobi!which!was!a!

couple!of!hundred!miles!away!that!there!was!a!white!Muslim!family!in!the!camp.!My!

sister!Helena!was!approached!by!someone!who!suggested!that!she!meet!with!this!

family!from!Nairobi!who!were!keen!for!her!to!marry!one!of!the!sons!of!the!family.!This!

was!a!possible!route!to!avoid!being!sent!back!to!Poland.!She!met!with!the!family!with!

the!intention!of!possibly!marrying!

this!son,!but!at!the!same!time!she!

was!introduced!to!another!man!in!

Arusha,!Dilnawaz!Shah,!who!she!

eventually!married!and!went!to!live!

with.!

After!a!while!my!mother,!my!two!

brothers!and!I!had!to!leave!

Tengeru.!The!family!from!Nairobi!now!suggested!that!the!son,!Abdul!Rehman,!married!

me,!which!we!agreed!to!on!the!basis!that!he!would!provide!a!home!for!all!of!us.!Sadly!

the!marriage!didn’t!last!but!I!did!have!a!son!which!was!the!compensation!for!all!the!

hardship!I!had!gone!through!and!was!the!best!thing!that!happened!to!me.!I!then!lived!in!

1st&wedding&to&Abdul&Rehman,&8th&August,&1948.&My&brother&Jacob&is&on&the&extreme&left&

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a!small!house!in!Kenya!with!my!mother,!

two!brothers!and!my!son.!The!house!was!

tiny,!with!only!two!rooms!and!an!outside!

toilet.!!

I!started!a!job!on!the!

haberdashery!counter!in!Woolworths!in!

Nairobi.!This!is!where!I!met!my!future!

husband,!a!train!driver!on!the!East!African!

Railways,!who!used!to!come!in!often!and!

say!that!he!wanted!to!buy!needles!and!

thread!from!me.!I!wondered!why!he!kept!coming!back!and!buying!these!little!things.!He!

was!shy!and!quiet,!but!eventually,!he!found!the!courage!to!ask!me!out.!I!think!we!went!

to!a!restaurant!called!Sans!Chiqué.!We!went!back!there!several!times!and!during!one!

of!these!times,!it!was!the!first!time!I!had!met!a!gay!man.!He!said!to!Cliff!‘If!you!were!not!

with!her,!I!would!have!asked!her!to!marry!me.’!

A!little!while!later,!Cliff’s!mother,!who!was!living!in!England,!became!very!ill.!

He!had!to!go!back!in!a!hurry!and!left!the!railways.!Sadly,!soon!after!he!arrived,!his!

mother!sadly!died.!Whiles!he!was!in!England,!Kenya!got!its!independence!and!no!one!

was!sure!what!the!future!held!and!he!didn’t!want!to!go!back!to!Africa.!So!he!bought!a!

business!in!the!UK,!and!offered!to!send!for!me!and!my!son!as!this!was!likely!to!be!a!

better!prospect!than!staying!in!Kenya.!

!

Me&with&my&son&John&

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England!

I!finally!came!over!to!England!in!1963!with!son!

John.!First!we!lived!in!Tilehurst!and!then!we!

moved!again!to!Hampshire!and!opened!a!fish!

and!chip!shop!there.!We!moved!again!to!Kirdford!

in!Sussex!and!opened!a!small!corner!shop.!!

! !When!Cliff!retired!fully,!we!moved!to!

Woodley!and!we!got!a!couple!of!dogs!and!then!

when!I!retired,!we!went!on!very!long!walks!with!

them,!for!hours.!We!did!this!until!he!got!glaucoma!

and!his!eyesight!started!going.!We!still!went!for!

walks!every!day,!no!matter!what!the!weather,!

though!I!had!to!tell!him!where!the!tree!roots!were!

or!when!to!cross!a!road.!We!used!to!meet!other!people!with!their!dogs!and!look!out!for!

the!new!flowers!in!the!spring!time.!!

! ! We!did!this!often!until!one!day!in!early!December!2005,!he!suffered!from!a!

stroke.!We!were!at!home!when!it!happened,!I!heard!a!loud!thud!upstairsM!I!didn’t!realise!

at!first!and!thought!he!had!dropped!something!heavy!on!the!floor.!Then!there!was!

another!loud!noise,!so!I!went!upstairs!to!investigate!and!called!for!him,!with!no!

response.!I!found!him!on!the!floor!and!called!an!ambulance.!He!was!in!hospital!for!

about!3!weeks.!On!Christmas!day!2005,!which!was!also!my!birthday,!my!son!John!got!

a!call!to!say!that!Cliff!had!passed!away!early!that!morning.!!

There!are!many!more!little!things!that!happened,!but!I!left!Poland!when!I!was!

only!a!child,!so!my!memory!is!limited!on!what!I!can!remember.!You!cannot!fully!

understand!what!happened!unless!you!have!experienced!it.!My!sister!Helena!went!

2nd&Wedding&to&Cliff&Haggar,&31st&July,&1963&

230995&

& 23&

back!to!visit!the!area!we!were!born!in,!which!is!now!in!Belarus,!at!the!very!beginning!of!

the!90s!and!coincidentally,!she!died!there.!She!found!the!town!we!lived!in!as!children!

was!completely!wiped!out!by!the!Russians!and!is!no!longer!there.!

It’s!not!important!to!go!through!anything!like!that!again!and!battle!through!life!

like!I!did!before!as!a!child.!I!love!this!countryM!I!never!wanted!to!go!anywhere!else!after!

I!settled!here,!no!other!country!interests!me.!It!was!June!and!the!middle!of!summer!

when!we!arrived,!although!coming!from!Africa,!it!was!cold!and!miserable.!The!houses!

were!all!dark!red!and!it!looked!miserable.!I!like!the!English!language!straight!away,!I!

found!it!easy,!we’d!learnt!some!in!Tengeru,!but!I’d!taught!myself!English!by!reading!,!

though!I!couldn’t!understand!every!word!at!first,!I!understood!what!it!was!saying.!!I!also!

had!a!Polish!–!English!dictionary!that!I!used!to!read!over!and!over!again.!!!

Now,!I!have!my!son,!my!three!wonderful!grandchildren!and!two!beautiful!great!

grandchildren!whom!I!see!often.!I!feel!very!blessed!and!I!wouldn’t!want!to!be!anywhere!

else.!At!the!age!of!84,!I!still!go!for!a!walk!with!my!dog!every!day,!I!love!my!garden!and!I!

keep!active.!I!go!walking!in!the!local!park,!I!have!got!to!know!many!other!dog!owners!

who!are!very!kind,!and!who!have!become!my!friends.!I!wouldn’t!change!this!life!for!the!

world.!!!

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A&map&of&my&journey&&