Lindsay CarrEnglish 101Letter

January 12, 2010

Dear Daddy,

Being so far away from you is the worst. I miss you so much and can’t wait to come home for your birthday! We haven’t spoken in like a week and I felt like writing you an old fashion letter. Kind of like the three hundred and sixty five I have un-read under my bed from when you were in Antigua. I can remember getting a letter from you every other day. Cait would open hers in excitement and I would add mine to the collection of unopened letters that sat in a soccer cleat box under my bed.

You knew I refused to read them because I had never been so mad at you in my entire life. At first mom wouldn’t even tell me why you were gone, it was absurd I had practically been to hell and back yet she couldn’t give me an explanation as to why my father vanished and was suddenly in Antigua. After I finally got it out of her I was speechless. I figured drugs were more important than your family so I tried to cut you out of my life and it was easy while you were gone, but once you were back it was inevitable that I would have to speak with you at one point. Which is when you miraculously got your second chance, I remember we went to church and talked for what seemed like hours after, and now look were best friends.

Although we drifted apart for a while I knew/know you are always with me mentally and spiritually. Its funny how things work out isn’t it? Your life fell apart when I think I needed you the most. Even though I wanted to hate you I couldn’t, I always stuck up for you and hoped and prayed you would get better. Now I know what its like to have a disease, a problem that no one else can relate to. Which is why I feel like we understand each other so well. We are both fighting diseases with no cures. I do believe that alcoholism and a drug addiction is something much more complex than diabetes, but at the same time they are so similar. They are both diseases and problems at that.

Growing up with out a father added to my stressful teenage years. My life did a complete 180 in a matter of two years. I lost you to drugs, and yea I get it, parents get divorced and that was something I could live with. But you mysteriously left for Antigua, which at the time, I could not wrap my thick head around. Then a week later I got shipped to a hospital, now that was hard to cope with all at once; especially with out my motivation, cheerleader and best friend at the hospital with me. I had a rush of emotions; bitter towards you because I thought you had abandoned your family, sad my perfect life was falling apart, and confused as to why out of our whole family I was the one that got diabetes. Why me? Little did I know it would take me five years to come across a legitimate explanation to all my inquiries.

You dad, are my hero and my motivation. You are living proof that miracles can happen. Although I was very young I still remember the night of your accident. Mom was so upset and just like always wouldn’t even tell me what was going on. She sent me to Nanny’s and said she would be back in the morning. Seeing you in the hospital at four years old I though you were just sick with the flu, or chickenpox I had no idea why you were all casted and wired-up. Seems like yesterday I was standing at the top of the stairs at our house on Creek road chanting “ come on daddy come on daddy work, work, work to the beauty.” We used to always say that to each other remember?

After growing up and hearing the horrific stories of your accident, I now know you were not suppose to survive. I used and still use you as motivation for everything and anything I do, I was always working and will always work to make you proud.

Although I believe this car accident led to your drug addiction you are still alive right? Exactly. You are a walking miracle and I believe in you just as much as you believe in me.

These past three or four years we have become extremely close, I hate that college is what is separating us. You know just as well as I do that you need me! Its crazy sometimes I feel like the parent in our relationship. And it’s usually the parent’s job to say “you better make me proud” but in this case I’m saying it to you. Don’t disappoint me dad. Three years sober is a huge accomplishment, and you will never truly know how amazed and extremely proud of you I am.

We’re like a team. When I feel weak I think of you and you make me strong. So now that I can’t be there for you physically when you’re feeling weak, just think of me and how much faith I have in you, and all that I am going through and it will get you through your troubles. You have a strong daughter fighting a disease everyday just like you.

This is what I have been pondering as I am wondering what college life will be like, remember when I asked why me in the family? Why am I the diabetic? Well my thoughts are this, like father like daughter. I truly believe that God created me just like you, everyone says I’m a spitting image of you don’t they? So maybe he’s saving me from being too much like you. Saving me from alcoholism and drugs, because like diabetes alcoholism is hereditary. And being a Type 1 diabetic, drinking is not something you should do a lot of because it can kill you. I want to be like you daddy, strong enough to say no to what I know is not good for my health. I’m scared daddy, WVU is the number one party school in America. But, I know if you were strong enough to get through your struggles, I can get through this because you will always be at the finish line cheering for me to do my best.

Like father, like daughter daddy, I can do this! And you are my inspiration.

I love you and pray for you every night. See ya soon!LoveLuLu