October 201036

wanderlust

Nearly a score years ago, five gawky teens met at college. They taught each other how to grow up: Through bad scores and surprisingly good results; reality checks on ambitions and realised dreams; infatuations,

unrequited love and poor choices; good hair days and bad; desperate attempts at being fashionable and settling for be-ing passable, if not cool; sneaking out of college earlier, and into homes later than permitted; being each other’s worst influences and best friends. And within the oddly numbered five, finding our own specials bonds.

Since then we have made many new and even a few closer friends, but for me personally, that group is a unique one. That was the first of the only two instances where I’ve been com-fortable in ‘group friendships’ – I prefer being a wolf, and don’t bond particularly well in packs.

As I work to send editions to press, I can’t help but steal minutes to browse the album of photos on my laptop ever so often. The ones taken just a month earlier, when the five of us decided to have a long weekend out in a remote part of my home state back in India.

A trip we planned over the last six months, synchronising dates across continents. For much of the last decade-and-a-half we have lived in five different countries. We lead vastly different lives and have a new circle of friends. One runs her own business, the least academically-inclined of us has ac-quired a career, even while the most accomplished revels in her homemaker role.

To where doesn’T maTTer, buT wiTh whom does. Vani SaraSwathi soughT an escape wiTh her girlfriends of 20 years, and highly recommends you To find a reason To sTeal Time for yourself.

The

ArT of

escApe

“FrIendShIp IS An eFFOrT, AS much

AS IT’S An InveSTmenT. YOu cAn TAke

FrIendShIpS FOr grAnTed AFTer A

WhIle, buT never The FrIend.”

2010 October 37

As I was planning the trip many of my other (not at all envious!) friends wondered how I would be allowed by my daughters, husband, sisters and par-ents to take time out of a family vacation for a jaunt such as this.

I gently reminded them I don’t seek permission, but only inform (even if I was hit by more than a good dose of guilt at leaving my 18-month-old behind.) but there was one little person who was more than just informed – she was involved in it. my soon-turning-nine firstborn. I wanted her to know what a precious thing friendship is. I explained how important it was for her mother to have that time with her friends.

It saddens me when I look around and see grown women – especially the married ones – who settle for friends that the spouse and kids have brought into their lives. Who is there for them to share a moment from a painful teen year or a sad break-up or a film you wouldn’t be caught dead watching now? Who is there to remind them of a time when the biggest worry in life was the zit on the forehead and a perpetually empty wallet?

To that end, social networking sites have their uses – to help re-establish those links. but at the cost of sounding arrogant, though all five of us are rather active online creatures, we rarely do connect with each other through these forums.

Friendship is an effort, as much as it’s an invest-ment. You can take friendships for granted after a while, but never the friend. neither can you press accept and make a friend out of a stranger or

acaquaintance.The intention of the piece is not merely to remi-

niscence; neither is it to boast and pontificate. It’s to suggest. YOu – outside of being a mother, wife or daughter – need to invest in yourself. A day at the spa or a diamond stud is not a bad idea, but to truly indulge yourself, spend time with a friend.

not all of us have the liberty or resources to make long escapes, but we definitely do deserve a day or an evening on a regular basis; with someone who is YOur friend, not your son’s best friend’s mum or your husband’s boss’s wife.

did the three days away make us closer? I can’t answer for the rest, but for me it didn’t so much es-tablish equations as it reminded me to cherish what I have. but it was a lot of catching up, even though we’ve been quite tuned into each other’s lives.

Our next target is a cruise 2013-2014, when we hit 40!

What are you waiting for? get planning...

“A dAY AT The SpA Or dIAmOnd STud IS nOT A bAd IdeA, buT TO TrulY Indulge YOurSelF, Spend

TIme WITh A FrIend.”

What happened? lots of loud, uninhibited laughter. Actually enjoying a 6 p.m. curfew – for fear of

leopards after dark. Tonnes of food. The tea bungalow we stayed in

had a fantastic cook. A sore index finger after all the picture clicking. dressing up. Yes, we did. We changed twice a

day, and dressed up for dinner. even if our audi-ence comprised just the ageing caretaker, cook and boy around the house.

We were much cooler about our quirks than we were 20 years ago – we laughed away the snores, belches, farts and a certain person’s rigid yoga routine.

We have learnt to be kinder about our vices and modest about our virtues.

There were moments that we almost bored ourselves to tears by talking about our kids.

There was no hint of competition or jealousy – we have finally found our comfort zones, I guess.

realised that age does spiritualise people – even the irreligious.

gossip too, does get juicier with age. And after two mentions of age, I must mention,

we were calling people many years younger to us ‘old’, because that’s how young and refreshed we felt.

Where to?not that it matters. but we found our little piece of heaven in Southern India, in a bungalow deep inside a forested tea estate. vaalpaarai is about three hours uphill (42 hair-pin bends et al) from coimbatore, which itself is an overnight journey from the metropolis of chennai.

The breathtakingly beautiful mountain route is dotted with waterfalls and two magnificent dams.

Apart from monkey menace and threats of leopard attack, it’s a safe place for women travelling alone.