synthesis weekly – july 28, 2014

JULY 28. ALWAYS FREE. ALWAYS.

21.18.

ICARUS THE OWLBEER CAMP

UP THE GOTHSE X O T I C A D V E N T U R E S I N L I F E A F T E R D E A T H

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Did you go to Sierra Nevada Brewery’s Beer Camp Across America? Maybe some of these pictures are of YOU? Did you miss it completely? Go look at these pictures and see all the fun people had! Beer! Fun! People! Exclamation points!!!! Special thanks to Alan Sheckter for this collection of great photographs.

Don’t be scared, this isn’t a weird, depressing journey through the grieving process, nor is it a weird, speculative musing about the afterlife (well, a little bit of it is). No no—this is a weird, fascinating exploration of the world surrounding death itself, and the people who hold its place in the land of the living.

This Week... Columns

by Bob [email protected]

Immaculate Infection

by Zooey [email protected]

Comical Ruminations

by Eli [email protected]

Productivity Wasted

by Logan Kruidenierlogankruidenier.tumblr.com

Supertime!

by Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff

Exotic Adventures in Smalltown, USA

by Mona TremeConsider the Platypus

Icarus the OwlPreview

by Koz [email protected]

Kozmik Debris

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by Amy [email protected]

Letter From the Editor

Look, pictures!

Hey Everybody, Let’s talk about Death!

COVER PHOTOEmiliano Garcia-Sarnoff

Publisher/Managing EditorAmy Olson

[email protected]

Creative DirectorTanner Ulsh

[email protected]

Entertainment EditorAlex Light

[email protected]/submit-your-

event/

DesignersLiz Watters, Mike [email protected]

DeliveriesJoey Murphy, Jennifer Foti

Contributing WritersArielle Mullen, Bob Howard, Howl, Koz McKev, Tommy Diestel, Jayme

Washburn, Eli Schwartz, Mona Treme, Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff, Jon Williams

PhotographyJessica Sid

Vincent Latham

NerdDain Sandoval

[email protected]

AccountingBen Kirby

Director of Operations Karen Potter

Owner Bill Fishkin

[email protected]

The Synthesis is both owned and published by Apartment 8 Productions. All things published in these pages are the property of Apartment 8 Productions and may not be reproduced, copied or used in any other way, shape or form without the written consent of Apartment 8 Productions. One copy (maybe two) of the Synthesis is available free to residents in Butte, Tehama and Shasta counties. Anyone caught removing papers will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. All opinions expressed throughout the Synthesis are those of the author and are not necessarily the same opinions as Apartment 8

Productions and the Synthesis.The Synthesis welcomes, wants, and will even desperately beg for letters because we care what you think. We can be reached via snail mail at the Synthesis, 210 W. 6th St., Chico, California, 95928. Email [email protected]. Please sign all of your letters with your real name, address and preferably a phone number. We may also edit your

submission for content and space.

For 20 years The Synthesis’ goal has remained to provide a forum for entertainment, music, humor, community awareness, opinions,

and change.

210 West 6th Street Chico Ca 95928

[email protected]

Volume 20 Issue 49July 28, 2014

4 SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JULY 28 2014

The Opposite of LivingTo kick off the week, I had the honor of joining a group of lucky dinner guests at Ms. Sarah Fragoso’s house. Beautiful people were laughing and swapping exotic travel stories, the lady herself slaved over a hot stove to serve us about ten fantastic dishes from her new Everyday Paleo Thai Cuisine cookbook… I made myself very small and unobtrusive in the corner, hiding my unshaven legs and drinking the Kirkland Signature wine we brought not realizing it was going to be a fancy party... I was really impressed by the food though—it was not white-girl-Thai or weird-diet-Thai, it was totally legit and absolutely delicious. It was like going to a great restaurant that used only the finest ingredients and served you the moment each dish was ready—spicy and savory and aromatic delights, one after another, for hours.

I mention this not [only] as a nudge to check out her truly wonderful book, or a way to brag about how socially awkward I am around fancy people; I mention it because something she told me added tinder to the little sparks that have been popping in my head ever since I read Emiliano’s piece on Bubbles Laundry a couple weeks ago.

I had asked about her trip to Thailand and how she got her recipes, whether she knew anyone or if her publisher had set up any contacts, and she told me they just showed up and started talking to people; getting cooking lessons and gathering family recipes, visiting organic farms, learning the philosophy and techniques that make the food what it is. The idea of doing that—immersing yourself in the experiences of strangers, listening to their stories, allowing new worlds to unfold around you as each encounter leads to another in a great stream of collective-consciousness…

Once upon a time I lived my life that way. Granted, I did it in a stupidly dangerous way: putting my life in the hands of any driver that would pull to the side of the highway,

attaching myself to groups of questionably sane/questionably trustworthy people because the place they were going sounded fun or they had space in their car or they knew an abandoned house we could sleep in when it was really cold outside… There was definitely drama sometimes, but then other times there would be these miraculous experiences—people who came along right at the moment you needed them most, offering such pure and sincere kindness; coincidences that gave you a little shiver down your spine and made it seem like everything was actually happening for a reason; stunningly beautiful moments in nature that you never would’ve seen had you not been so directly exposed to the elements.

And that’s the thing: exposure. The vulnerability is what allows those profound emotions, those surprises, those big things to happen. Somewhere along the way I stopped waking up with that burning for adventure, stopped talking to strangers, stopped peeling back the veil that separates each moment from the moment it could be. Somehow I wound up making myself small and unobtrusive.

by Amy [email protected]

Letter From the Editor

PET OF THE WEEK

ArthurThis handsome boy is Arthur! Arthur loves having a comfy lap to curl up on as well as playing with lots of squeaky toys! He wants to be friends with everyone he meets but fast movement seem to startle him, so he would do best in a home without small children. This little guy would love to hang out and go on all of your adventures! Arthur loves af-fection so he would prefer to be the only dog in the house. If you are looking for a lively cuddle bug to brighten up your life, Arthur is your guy!

Now Hear This

Tanner

Liz

Mike

Dain

Alex

Amy

Dinah

Jeff Rosenstock - “Beers Again, Alone”

TV on the Radio - “Will Do”

Dom Kennedy - “Still Callin”

John Hartford - “Bumble Bee in a Jug”

Bjork - “Mutual Core”

Jay Ungar - “Lovers Waltz”

Jose Gonzales - “Step Out”

SYNTHESIS WEEKLY PLAYLIST

2579 Fair Street Chico, CA 95928 (530) 343-7917 • buttehumane.org

Dom Kennedy


Our service provider recently upgraded their network in our area, and for the first time Trish and I have access to true high-speed, wireless internet. We’ve finally entered the year 2008. Consequently we’ve been streaming movies and series. Trish is hooked on Orange is the New Black, and I find myself unable to stop watching a 35-episode long program called The Killing. I’m something like fourteen in as we speak. This is rare for me; most series lose me fairly quickly. I think The Killing is working because it focuses on a singular event—a murder—and then follows all the reverberations that result from it. That said, the show is starting to delve into increasingly improbable conspiracy muck and wild coincidence; we may have to break it off if it gets too bizarre.

What the Frack?

There is a lot of collective uproar these days over using hydraulic fracturing to procure regional natural gas. It’s an environmentally degrading process, and hell, I’m against it too—but the problem as I see it starts with demand, and I can’t help but notice a heavy element of the “not in my backyard” mentality at play.

Our fuel consumption arms corrupt governments and supports wars, our fuel consumption has destroyed mountain ranges in West Virginia, our fuel consumption has ruined coastlines and wetland habitats from Alaska to Florida and beyond—yet we keep on pumping. We’re insistent on getting out of the Middle East, but we don’t want to destroy our own habitat, but we don’t want to stop consuming. It’s all fine when it is somewhere else, happening to “others”: Arabs, hillbillies, Inuits, Canadians; we wring our hands a little, pay it some lip service, but never lift a finger to stop it. When the threat of environmental degradation finally comes knocking on our own front doors, then we throw our hands up in despair.

Renewable energy sources are clearly the wave of the future, but America is notoriously slow when it comes to implementing new environmental technologies—the entrenched powers work overtime to sludge up the process of moving forward. In the meantime we need to use less power: drive less, turn off the lights, stop with the A.C. On the topic, indoor marijuana cultivation currently accounts for 1% of energy consumption nationwide and 3% here in California. Those numbers are poised to go up as states loosen restrictions on growth and sales.

Gone to Pot

People are crazy for their pot these days. I don’t mind pot; I definitely think it should be decriminalized. That said, I had a problem with pot when I was younger. I lived a solid chunk of my early adult life stoned 24/7. Those were not great years for me. I wasted a ton of time and money, and missed out on a lot of opportunities. I lived to get baked. I can’t count the number of times I could have gone to some great show, or done something productive, and instead I chose to spend my time sitting on the couch, getting stoned, and watching T.V. We didn’t even have the high-quality video games available today. I know some people who handle their pot really well, and others for whom it is a detriment to their quality of life. But you know, to each their own.

High-Speed

Internet, NIMBY,

and Weed

by Bob [email protected]

Immaculate Infection

FASTER INTERNET GENERATES GREATER TIME-SQUANDERING OP-PORTUNITIES, THE HYPOCRISY OF FRACKING OPPOSITION, AND THE GROWING CULT OF POT.

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LIFE IN CHICODo you like Life in Chico? So do we! -“Like” Life in Chico, CA

facebook.com/ChicoCA


I Love It All So Much Right NowThis last weekend I escaped the sweltering heat of Butte County (aka “the devil’s butthole”), and made my way to the great Northwest, (aka “just like Chico but better in every imaginable way”). I visited PDX Pop Now, caught up with old friends, and reveled in the incredible feeling of seeing people everywhere who weren’t familiar to me.

One of my favorite spots in Portland is located in a hotel, on the second floor landing which looks out onto the lobby. The bottom floor is full of overstuffed couches, expertly-placed fishbowls and succulents, and bored looking beautiful people draped over each piece of furniture. On the landing however, there’s a small bank of computers, large jars of rubber bands, hotel stationery pads, golf pencils, and a giant, old card catalog chest with unlabeled drawers. In each drawer there are stacks upon stacks of pages from the hotel stationery pads, filled with people’s thoughts, secrets, drawings, etc. I could spend all day in there if it weren’t for the dead smell that emanates from the inside of those drawers. This week I figured I’d bring a little of the Northwest back with me and share with you a handful of the secrets I saw, a random bunch.

“Alohamora is the best spell because the magic in this world breaks down barriers and brings people together. HALD: Hufflepuffs against locked doors.”

“I have had an abortion don’t hate me!”

“This is the best it’s ever been. It won’t last. But I love it all so much right now.”

“August 10, 2013: We, two travelers, Came to Portland on a whim. Adventures, we’ve had.”

“Prom Night?”

“Myspace.com/Slim77665047102471”

“A List Of Truths I’m Not Proud Of: I’ve had an affair, I worked in pornography, I had an Internet boyfriend, I kicked my dog once.”

“I love Amanda Poole. A LOT.”

“Dear Jenny, I’m sorry, I loved you at first. But then I learned more about you and myself. I was selfish and wanted more sex, you thought I was a jerk and wanted less. I became the jerk you presumed. I even fucked your sister. Sorry.”

“I wish it could all just slow down.”

“5/9/09 This is Heaven. I have swine flu… and didn’t tell anyone.”

“Dear universe, please let me accept love. And learn how to truly give it. Thanks, Lauren. xo”

“Stacey Steinwell (spotlight cheer studios) lives with her parents!!”

“Natalie, I traveled into the future and I’m writing you this at age 54. They built two skyscrapers in downtown and I live in a penthouse on the top of one. You live in the top of the other because you never stopped creeping. You are still driving around the mini and you have pink hair. I can’t discuss anything else because I don’t want to change the course of the future. I’ll see you around. DD”

by Zooey [email protected]

Comical Ruminations


Telltale’s The Walking Dead, S2E4: “Amid The Ruins”THE PAIN TRAIN DOES NOT STOP

If Season Two of Telltale’s choose-your-own-misadventure experience has had any strong theme, it’s that life is hard, death is easy, and you can save some people some of the time, but you can’t save all people all of the time—or even some people, some of the time. Perhaps the same thing could have been said about Season One, but the first season was a long journey and it didn’t always feel like the wheels were falling off your bus, whereas Season Two maintains perfect eye contact while it explodes the bus, along with all of your supplies and friends.

In the beginning of the season, it was more about Clementine standing on her own, and then integrating herself into a new group. Episode four takes us back to a difficulty reminiscent of Season One: the party knows each other, hates each other, and relies on each other. Just as the player was forced to keep the team together as both leader, mediator, and fighter, so too now must Clementine. Nevermind the fact that Clementine is an eleven-year-old; she’s saved just about everyone’s lives one way or another, and there’s hardly any questioning of her wisdom as she advises the rest of the group. Like Lee, she leads unofficially, she has no real power, but everyone trusts her enough that her opinions often end arguments. At least, temporarily.

The episode begins with the party scattered, infirm, and severely traumatized, and it’s only through a lot of effort that the party can

cooperate at all. Even when they aren’t, they will continue to argue in the face of looming death and responsibility. And, constantly, the episode asks you to trust them, even as they lead you astray, lie to you, betray you, and generally go completely insane. Clementine has been the party’s best supporting member for long enough that they no longer treat her like a child at all. They rely on her, and this episode sees plenty of Clementine becoming more and more adept at killing, talking, and leading. Although much of the beginning (episode one especially) of the season focused on her difficulties being alone and being an eleven-year-old, now she is expected to behave like an adult. Of course, the game will remind you with her dialogue that she isn’t, that she doesn’t always know what to do.

The game will remind you that people die and things go to shit, because in this game people are always dying and things are always going to shit. That’s part of its appeal. The game punches you when you are up, and kicks you harder when you’re down. Sometimes, there is no saving people, sometimes everything goes wrong at once, but always the game gives you just enough mercy to continue; and just enough rope to hang yourself with. Those unfamiliar with the series might be waiting for me to talk about when it gets fun, but the pain and the stress is fun. The game is a cathartic ride through emotions and fear and critical thinking, and it gives an incredible experience. What more could we ask from our art?

by Eli [email protected]

Productivity Wasted

by Emiliano Garcia-Sarnoff


CHAPTER 1. THE FUTURE OF LOVE.

Location: Brusie Funeral Homes and Cemeteries Website, Grief and Healing Tab. (IRL Location: Couch, boxer-briefs.)

Launch Interactive Aftercare. [click]

Appearing on screen is Dr. Virginia Simpson, in lustrous black pantsuit over wine-red blouse, cascades of blond-brown hair and urbane glasses—the very platonic ideal of a $350-a-50min therapist.

Dr. Virginia Simpson: “We want you to feel at ease for the next few moments. Please select the setting that makes you feel the most comfortable. Would it be the beauty of a garden? The tranquility of a brook in the woods? The serenity of the rolling hills? Or a majestic blue sky? Possibly the soothing rays of the sun? Or my personal favorite, the peace and strength of the ocean.”

Rays of the Sun. [click]

Dr. Virginia Simpson floats from the waist up in front of a complicated blue sky; clouds tinged yellow-white at edges and smeared by Rays of The Sun.

Dr. Virgina Simpson (voice quavering with feeling-your-pain, plus exact gesticulatory style of Bill Clinton): “Talking about death is so difficult. But I would like to hear about how your loved one died. What type of loss have you experienced?”

CHAPTER 2. ARE YOU FEELING LUCKY, PUNK? WELL, ARE YOU?

(OR: WHEREIN THE WRITER COBBLES TOGETHER STATISTICS PLAGIARIZED FROM THE INTERNET LIKE A HIGH SCHOOL SOPHOMORE.)

It’s 12:48pm, Thursday, July 24th. According to worldometers, the “real time world statistics”

website, 32,138,432 people around the world have died so far this year. You can sit there and watch the numbers tick up every half-second or so.

But what about you? What are the odds that you—yes you out there—will die in the next year? Seeing as you read this publication, you’re probably young. Let’s say you’re 25. And an average American? Well then, your odds of dying over the next year are roughly 1 in 3000. Not too bad, eh? Party on.

But things get exponentially worse. Literally. Every eight years, your odds roughly double.* So if, reader, you’re not 25 but are in fact 33, then your odds of surviving the next year are about 1 in 1500. 41-years-old? 1 in 750. And so on. Until, finally, the upward arching line of the graph reaches 1 in 1. 100% death.

And the way you’ll die—if you do die this year—changes dramatically with age, too. If you’re a 20-year-old-male, there’s a whopping 80% chance that it’ll be from something violent and terrible; an accident, from killing yourself, or from someone killing you (males are more than twice as likely to die at 20 than women). By age 50, though, those factors make up just 10% of your death risk. Then it’s all hospitals and tubes, heart attacks, cancer and dying from taking a nap. Death from senescence, it’s called.

Those are some numbers. But what about when The Inevitable comes? What then?

* This odd doubling-every-eight-years fact was first pointed out by British actuary Benjamin Gompertz in 1825. It apparently holds true across cultures/epochs. It’s referred to as the “Gompertz Law of Human Mortality.” I learned about it and used numbers from the blog Gravity and Levity, and was pointed toward that blog from a post by Robert Krulwich on NPR.


CHAPTER 3. IRONY IS EASY WITH $ SIGNS AND ®S AND DEEP HUMAN EVENTS IN THE SAME SPACE.

“Let me just close the casket,” comes Mark Brusie’s soft, low voice from the other room. “Ok, you can come in now.”

I go through a cream-colored curtain and into a dimly lit, antique looking room with floral carpet. There are fake trees in the corners, rows of benches with tissue paper dispensers placed at even intervals, and a cross-shaped lectern. Mark and I are standing next to a gleaming white casket with a dead body inside of it.

Off to the side of the casket there’s an odd little room behind a sheer curtain. The “Family Room,” Mark explains. Families used to—and in the North East often still do—sit separately from the rest of the mourners. “To be protected,” Mark says. “But in California we let things change faster. We’re more willing to let go of old traditions.”

The proximity to the dead body unnerves me, slightly. But, of course, it’s the most natural thing in the world to Mark. Along with his sister and his wife, Mark runs Brusie Funeral Homes and Cemeteries, which includes Chico Cemetery, Glen Oaks Memorial Park, Bidwell Chapel and, where I’m currently standing, Brusie Funeral Home, on Broadway, right downtown. Mark’s Grandfather bought this location back in 1942, though it’s been a funeral home since 1901. The Brusie’s are without a doubt the leading family in Chico’s “Death Care Industry.”

Mark is maybe 6’2”, with broad shoulders and brown hair. He wears matching leather shoes/belt, spotless pressed shirt, an expensive-looking watch. He takes his time with questions, looking off to the side as if considering which secrets to share.

I ask Mark what would happen with my body if I were to die tomorrow.

“You’re a young person, so your death would not be natural,” Mark explains. “So you’d be a coroner’s case. If you’re obviously dead, the sheriff would take your body… here.”

Mark explains that the Butte County Coroner doesn’t have their own facility for autopsies, so bodies are brought to the “mortuary on call.” It rotates monthly. Brusie Funeral Home has this month, July.

Then, Mark explains, I’d be stored in a walk-in

refrigerator, which can accommodate up to eight bodies.

“Like in those drawers?” I ask, since the entirety of my knowledge—like yours—comes from movies/TV. “No. Those sliding drawer set-ups are very expensive,” Mark says. “But they do look good in Hollywood movies.” It’s more like what you’d see in the back of a restaurant.

At some point I’d be wheeled into the prep room (sometimes called the surgery room), where autopsies, dressing, and embalming are performed. After the autopsy (insert movie/TV knowledge here, since the Coroner never called me back—though Mark says that autopsies take about two hours and that the movies/TV get it basically right.) and the death is certified, things would depend on family preferences. If my body were to be shown at a funeral, then I’d need embalming.

“People always say ‘you suck the blood out,’ Mark says. “But that’s not true. Technically.” Embalming is the replacing of the blood with chemicals to preserve the body. “Your heart is the pump that pressurizes your vascular system. So when you’re dead there’s no pressure. To create that pressure we use a pump to inject fluid into

an artery and that pressure pushes the blood out of a vein.”

“Oh,” I mumble, as we head into the showroom, which is filled with coffins and urns. “And then the make-up artist comes in?” I ask, still bug-eyed and forehead-furled from the embalming description.

Mark smiles. This isn’t a large funeral home, Mark explains. There’s no full-on make-up artist. “The same person might mow the lawn in the morning and be doing hair and make-up in the afternoon,” he says.

At the upper end of caskets in the Brusie showroom is the $5,095 + tax “Prominence,” made out of luxurious dark sycamore, with the build and finish of a Lexus. The Prominence is equipped with the Memory Safe® drawer, which slides out with a click, and in which people can place “a picture, or a pack of cigarettes, or other little funny things,” as Mark explains. As with all the caskets and per State law, there’s a little sign on the side of the Prominence that reads, “There is no scientific or other evidence that any casket with sealing device will preserve human remains.” Still, it’s one fine box for decomposing in.

On the other end of the spectrum is the $50

“Minimum Cardboard.” It’s just for getting you over to the crematorium for immolation. One get’s the sense that there was probably a bullet point on “Minimum Cardboard’s” sign that read, “Perfect for Unloved Family Members!” but then they decided to erase it.

A middle path is available, too. You can rent a fancy casket for the funeral, and then get transferred to a cheap box for interment or cremation.

More often than not, these days, it’s cremation. Partially this is a matter of cost. Burial frequently costs upwards of $7000. But a simple cremation with the Brusie’s can be as cheap as $1400 (or it can be on the Government dime if next-of-kin can’t be found or they’re too broke.)

But there are also cultural shifts. “100 years ago people weren’t as transient,” Mark says. “So you would have grown up in the town where your grandparents grew up. There were family plots. Now you don’t have a home place where you’ll place your body. So you say, ‘Well, cremate me.’”

I ask Mark what he thinks about how isolated we as a society are from death and dying, with our elderly out of sight in homes and hospitals and our cemeteries rarely visited.


“I don’t think it’s healthy to be that separated from it,” Mark says. “Western Society—I don’t know why that is—protects people. Even our industry. [We often put] artificial turf over the open grave to hide the reality of what’s going on here. For me, you put the hand in the dirt, feel the dirt, see the open grave. These are healthy ways of coping with death. Of making it real.”

Our conversation is interrupted by a loud clicking/rattling sound. It’s the sound the Predator makes right before he blasts you with his shoulder mounted Plasma-Cannon or rips out your entire spinal column. “I usually turn that off before I go to funerals,” Brusie says, with a little smile, looking down at his phone.

CHAPTER 4. DEATH OF A SPOUSE. [click] (Selected because of recent break-up, which, as is accurately said, can feel like a death.)

Dr. Virginia Simpson: “You wake up in the morning to the feel of tears pouring from your eyes. Because, even in this state of semi-consciousness, you know that if you reach over to the other side of the bed, you will find it empty. You reach out anyway. Hoping against hope that it was just a bad dream. It wasn’t. Now, when you most need comfort, the one who would embrace you when you were hurt is gone. At a time when you most need the partner you turn to, they are no longer there to hold you in their arms and help you believe all will be OK. Everything is a reminder.”

CHAPTER 5. FUNERAL CRASHERS.

“This vault is what you call a ‘double garden crypt,’” Pat Lehane tells me.

We are looking down into the hole. I’m early for the funeral I’m crashing and Pat, who is the Grounds Manager here at Glen Oaks Memorial Park (as well as Chico Cemetery), is showing me where the body, which has yet to arrive, will go. A double garden crypt is a burial style in which two caskets go stacked, one on top of the other. The deceased’s wife has been waiting down there for years.

Like the rest of the Grounds Crew, who’ve spent the morning using a backhoe to dig out the grave and clearing away the soil, Pat wears a grey work shirt, work boots, dickies, walkie-talkie, and mirrored shades. He’s a car guy, and owns a ‘67 El Camino with a 327 in it.

Pat shows me the lowering device, which uses a system of brakes and straps. He tells me about the ongoing Bill-Murray-in-Caddyshack-esque war with the gophers. Then the funeral procession

arrives.

The deceased is a Navy Veteran of WWII, and the ceremony is taking place in the Veteran Court of Honor. The Flag is at half-mast, as is the little POW flag. Think of this man’s life. Think of it! He was in WWII, for God’s sake! Think of all he’s seen and done; how the world’s changed before his eyes! Use Saving Private Ryan + your life experience to make a little montage in your mind. Think about it!

It’s a beautiful bright sunny day; glowing dust motes, breeze in the high trees, dragonflies like little sparkles. Smells of wet grass and freshly turned earth. Memorial parks differ from cemeteries in that the grave markers are flush with the ground and so the sight is tranquil and non-confrontational, death-wise.

Two young Navy volunteers, in their gleaming white uniforms with those little sailor caps, lead the Ceremony. They take the flag from the casket, fold it, present it to the next-of-kin. One plays that elegiac, mournful song (the one you know from movies/TV) on a Bugle. Eyes are dabbed. Backs are rubbed. There are hugs. And then the mourners depart, and Pat and the other groundskeepers get to the business of lowering the casket into the rich, red-brown clay.

Nearby, there’s a very old man kneeling on a padded bench, carefully cleaning a grave marker with a brush and water he’s pouring from a bottle.

I catch the Funeral Director, Dan, an incredibly dapper man in a brimmed hat and suspenders, before he leaves, and ask him if he thinks we as a society are overly separated from death.

Dan is in a hurry, but he says this as he goes: “[People these days are] too intertwined to the things that are superfluous to reality. But somehow society moves right on through. It evolves. That’s the long tail of society. It just evolves. Whether that’s good or bad…who knows?”

CHAPTER 6. GRIEVING

Dr. Virginia Simpson: “Grieving takes courage. Laughter and tears are very close. Only to the degree that you are willing to feel your pain will you be able to feel joy in your life. It has been said that grief is the price we pay for love. And every tear is a thank you.”

Dr. Virginia Simpson disappears momentarily and in her place it says “loading,” and a little wheel turns. Then she reappears.

“Like the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz, you will find out how courageous you really are! You may not believe it right now, because you are wounded. But trust me when I tell you: that you are capable of much more than you know!”

CHAPTER 7. UNICORNS.

Interview with my 4-year-old-son:

Papa: Where do people go when they die?Gaian: To the place where there’s those stones.Papa: And then what?Gaian: They turn to dirt, right?Papa: Does everyone die?Gaian: Not our family, because we’re a Unicorn Family. I’m the Big Brother Unicorn and you’re the Papa Unicorn and Mama is the Mama Unicorn and Amaia is the Little Baby Unicorn. And Unicorns don’t have to follow the rules of logic. They’re so special they can’t die! And, like, they have magic. In their horns. Can you believe that?

CHAPTER 8. A REASONABLE HYPOTHESIS.

Phone interview with Eddie Vela, Interim Dean, College of Behavioral and Social Sciences, CSU:

“I want to understand the universe the way it really is. Not the way I wish it would be. I think it’s time for human beings to grow up and leave childish things behind.

“While I understand the psychological motivations for the hope that there’s some kind of continuation of Self after death, um, I think—in spite of cultural traditions that suggest otherwise—that the idea that Self is a function of our central nervous system, and especially our brain, is a reasonable hypothesis and that, once the body dies, so does the Self. There is, therefore, no continuation of Self after the person has died.

“I think there’s every reason to believe that consciousness is a physical process. And we’re making great progress in understanding key parts of the brain involved. When the body dies, [consciousness] also go away. Yes, our body decomposes, and the energy goes other places. But it’s not logical to say that the Self goes elsewhere, because the Self is a product of those brain processes.”

CHAPTER 9. THE GREAT STORM SUBSIDES.

Dr. Virginia Simpson: “Know that you CAN go on and have a WONDERFUL life! First you have to cry and grieve. Until one day you wake up to the new life you’re in, and find yourself ready to fully live again. You CAN find happiness after this great storm!

Hey, you.Wanna tell someone what’s what?Wanna tell everyone what’s what?

We’re accepting submissions of 500 words forUnsolicited Advice.

[email protected]

344 WEST BTH ST I CHICO , CA I 530-343-2790


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UNCONDITIONAL ARMS, KING WOMAN

SPINDRIFT (LOS ANGELES)

DECADES

THE MONDEGREENS

ORANGE STREET STUDIOUnconditional Arms (pictured) is focused on atmo-spheric layers and gentle, tinkling guitar lines. The ef-fect is sort of like coming home, in that “Did I just die? Oh, I’m just really high and listening to Explosions In The Sky” kind of way. It’s all instrumental, but still manages to convey a great depth of feeling. Fellow Bay Area group King Woman is a female fronted, very moody band that’s all about making haunting, theatrical soundscapes. Think of the movie theatre scene in Donnie Darko. Also featuring West By Swan and Bunnymilk. 601 Orange St., $5, 7pm.

MALTESEPsychedelic Spaghetti-Western rock band from Los Angeles. Are you sold yet? They’ve been know to tell long, epic story-songs; about guns and women; life and death; cowboy stuff. Spindrift also has a million amazing spaghetti-western music video/short films; there’s tumbleweeds, the desert, the band shooting guns at things; you know, cowboy stuff. Also featuring The Rugs and Trox And The Terribles. $5, 9pm.

CHICO CITY PLAZACool, this might be the first time I’ve put a Friday Night Concert in the Best Bets section! It’s not every day you get to see Decades play without having to drive out to the casino. Everyone knows what they’re about, but it’s my job to act like you don’t: Decades is a cover band. Decades is THE cover band, probably making more money than every other NorCal cover band combined. It’s because they’re awesome. Sing-er Samantha Francis is my favorite part. Sorry Billy. Maybe if you were a better drummer. Free, 7-8:30pm.

1078 GALLERYThese guys are totally killing it. They’ve already toured up and down the entire west coast, they’ve made a music video for their single “Big City Blues,” and have begun recording their full-length LP. What I like most about them is the ever-present, ever-awe-some two-part backing harmonies by Russel Rabut and David Friedlander. Also featuring Mandalyn May and Seamus Turner. $5, 7:30pm.

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DDrawing will be held on September 2, 2014


Ongoing Events: 28 Monday The Bear: Bear-E-oke! 9pmChico Art Center: “Discover Series II.” 10am-4pmChico Womens Club: Prenatal Yoga. 5:30-6:30pmDownLo: Pool League. 3 player teams, signup with bartender. 7pm. All ages until 10pmMaltese: Open Mic Comedy or Mu-sic, alternates every week. Signups at 8pm, starts at 9pm. Mug Night 7-11:30pmThe Tackle Box: Latin Dance Classes. Free, 7-9pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmYoga Center Of Chico: Sound Healing w. Emiliano. Breathwork, Meditation, Healing.

29 Tuesday 100th Monkey: Fusion Belly Dance mixed-level class, with BellySutra. $8/class or $32/month. 6pmOpen Mic plus showcase by local musicians. 7pmChico Art Center: “Discover Series II.” 10am-4pmChico Women’s Club: Yoga. 9-10am. Afro Carribean Dance. $10/class or $35/mo. 5:50-7pm. Followed by Capoeira, $3-$10. 7:30-8:30pmCrazy Horse Saloon: All Request Karaoke. 21+DownLo: Game night. All ages until 10pmHoliday Inn Bar: Salsa Lessons, 7-10pm LaSalles: ’90s night. 21+Maltese: Karaoke. 9pm-CloseThe Tackle Box: Karaoke, 9pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmWoodstocks: Trivia Challenge. Call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts 6:30pm

30 Wednesday Avenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries” Group Exhibition. 12-5pmThe Bear: Trike Races. Post time 10pmChico Art Center: “Discover Series II.” 10am-4pmChico Women’s Club: Afro Brazilian Dance. 5:30-7pm DownLo: Wednesday night jazz. 8 Ball Tournament, signups 6pm, starts 7pmDuffys: Dance Night! DJ Spenny and Jeff Howse. $1, 9pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmJesus Center: Derelict Voice Writing Group, everyone welcome. 9-10:30amThe Maltese: Friends With Vinyl! Bring your vinyl and share up to 3 songs/12 minutes on the turntable. 9pm-1amThe Tackle Box: Line Dance classes. Free, 5:30-7:30pm. Swing Dance classes. Free, 7:30-9:30pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmWoodstocks: Trivia Night plus Happy Hour. call at 4pm to reserve a table. Starts at 8pm

31 Thursday 100th Monkey: Chico Story Slam. Tell a 5-min unscripted personal story for prizes. 7-9pmAvenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries” Group Exhibition. 12-5pmThe Beach: DJ Mack Morris. 10:30pmThe Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pmChico Art Center: “Discover Series II.” 10am-4pmDownLo: Chico Jazz Collective. 8-11pm. All ages until 10pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmHas Beans Downtown: Open Mic

Night. 7-10pm. Signups start at 6pmHoliday Inn Bar: Karaoke. 8pm-mid-nightLaSalles: Free live music on the patio. 6-9pmMaltese: Karaoke. 9pm-closePanamas: Buck night and DJ Eclectic & guests on the patio. 9pmQuackers: Karaoke night with Andy. 9pm-1amUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmWoodstocks: Open Mic NightYoga Center Of Chico: Ecstatic Dance with Clay Olson. 7:30-9:30pm

1 Friday 100th Monkey: Acoustic Music Singer Songwriter Showcase. 7:30pmAvenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries” Group Exhibition. 12-5pmThe Beach: DJ2k & Mack Morris. 9pmThe Bear: DJ Dancing. Free, 9pmCafe Coda: Friday Morning Jazz with Bogg. 11amChico Art Center: “Discover Series II.” 10am-4pmCrazy Horse Saloon: Fusion Fridays.Country dance lessons 9-10:30pmDownLo: ½ off pool. All ages until 10pm. Live Music, 8pmDuffys: Pub Scouts - Happy Hour. 4-7pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmHoliday Inn Bar: DJ Dance Party. 8pm-midnightLaSalles: Open Mic night on the patio. 6-9pmMaltese: Happy hour with live jazz by Bogg. 5-7pm. LGBTQ+ Dance Party. 9pmPanamas: Jigga Julee, DJ Mah on the patio. 9pmPeeking: BassMint. Weekly electronic dance party. $3. 9:30pm

Quackers: Live DJ. 9pmSultan’s Bistro: Bellydance Performance. 6:30-7:30pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pm

2 Saturday Avenue 9 Gallery: “Chico Icons 2014: Historic Heart & Arteries” Group Exhibition. 12-5pmThe Beach: DJ Mah. 9pmThe Bear: DJ Dancing. No Cover. 9pmChico Art Center: “Discover Series II.” 10am-4pmCrazy Horse Saloon: Ladies Night Dancing. 10pm-1:30am DownLo: 9 Ball tournament. Signups at noon, starts at 1pm. All ages until 10pmThe Graduate: Free Pool after 10pmHoliday Inn Bar: DJ Dancing. 70s and 80s music. The Molly Gunn’s Revival! 8pm-midnightLaSalles: 80’s Night. 8pm-closeMaltese: Burlesque with The Mal-TEAZers! 9pmPanamas: DJ Eclectic on the patio. 9pmUniversity Bar: Free Pool 6-8pmYoga Center Of Chico: Mind Power Workshop w. Gayle Kimball, Ph.D. 1-4pm

3 Sunday Chico Art Center: “Discover Series II.” 10am-4pmDorothy Johnson Center: Soul Shake Dance Church. Free-style dance wave, $8-$15 sliding scale. 10am-12:30pmDownLo: Free Pool, 1 hour with ev-ery $8 purchase. All ages until 10pmLaSalles: Karaoke. 9pmMaltese: Live Jazz 4-7pm. Trivia 8pmTackle Box: Karaoke, 8pm

New & Exciting:30 Wednesday DownLo: Todd N Todd, Campfire Cassettes, Socorro, This Glass House. 8pmLaSalles: Red White And Booze: Myth, VITIATE, Bob Goblin, Sight Over Creation. $5, 8pmSierra Nevada Big Room: Sister Sparrow & The Dirty Birds. $17, 7:30pm31 Thursday Arabian Nights: Electronic Music on Last Thursdays. Makes You Feel, Clay-ton The Chemist, Logan 5. $2 before 10, $4 after, 18+, 8pmChico Theatre Company: Singin In The Rain. $12 children, $20 adults, 7:30pmLaSalles: Happy Hour with OTR “Off The Record.” 4-8pmOrange St. Studio: West By Swan, Unconditional Arms, King Woman, Bunnymilk. 601 Orange St. $5, 7pm1 Friday 1078 Gallery: Icarus The Owl (OR), Sorin, Idlehands (Socal), Monk War-rior. $10, 7:30pmChico Theatre Company: Singin In The Rain. $12 children, $20 adults, 7:30pmCity Plaza: Decades. 7-8:30pmDuffy’s: Duffy’s Sirens-Aubrey, Ka-trina, and Lisa. $1, 5pmDownLo: Electrified Redemption Project. 7pmLaSalles: Happy Hour with Matt McBride. 4-8pmMora Presents… 10pmLost On Main: Wake Of The Dead celebrates Jerry’s Birthday.Maltese: Spindrift (LA), The Rugs, Trox And The Terribles. $5, 9pm2 Saturday 1078 Gallery: The Mondegreens, Mandalyn May, Seamus Turner. $5, 7:30pmChico Theatre Company: Singin In The Rain. $12 children, $20 adults, 7:30pmLaSalles: Happy Hour with Big Red Holler & Madhouse BBQ. 4-8pmLost On Main: Bob’s Back! Stand-up Comedy with Bob Backstrom. Music by Jeb Draper, John Paul Gutierrez, Broken Rodeo, DJ OSnap. $5, 9pm3 Sunday Chico Theatre Company: Singin In The Rain. $12 children, $20 adults, 2pm

EAT. DRINK. PLAY.

Find Out How you Can Play Pool for Only $1/Day! 319 Main Street (530) 892-2473

LESSONS, LEAGUES AND TOURNAMENTS!

GREAT FOOD!

LIVE MUSIC!

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAMFACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHYOn The Town


by logan kruidenierlogankruidenier.tumblr.com

PHOTOS BY VINCE LATHAMFACEBOOK.COM/VANGUARD.PHOTOGRAPHY On The Town


Dear Hiring Manager,

First, accept my surprised gratitude for revealing the name of your company. It’s astonishing how many companies want your life history and contact info, but are just too gosh-darn shy to identify themselves.

That being said, let’s review some examples of your free-flowing hypocrisy.

My job-search parameters are set for entry-level openings requiring a Bachelor’s. Sneaking in demands that “serious” applicants hold a Master’s and have 6+ years’ experience is bullshit. Learn the dissimilarity between “entry level/Bachelor’s” and “experienced/Master’s.” Also, the irony in blurbs such as “Candidate’s must ahve exceptional Attention to detail,” especially when it’s copy-pasted twice, is just painful. You expect perfect reading comprehension and accuracy while demonstrating a glaring lack thereof? Yeah, that’s professional…

Creating an account just to apply for the position was fun. My new password and profile, unique to your company’s website, will be a lovely addition to the several dozen others I have. (Reminds me of my collection of bridesmaid’s dresses.) And hey—you use Taleo! Way to save a corporate buck while generating napalm-spitting rage in applicants, you cheap sack of pigshit. I really enjoyed spending an hour re-entering the data already on my résumé, only to have everything disappear in a random software hiccup. Google “Taleo sucks” to discover what people think of companies that use it.

Taking the time to send a “Yes” or “No” followup is guaranteed to not kill you. Job-seekers with dwindling resources really do not give a wet fart if you’re “busy” or if “hundreds of people have applied.” Simply state whether or not I’m still in the running, then move on.

I’m looking for a workplace where I fit in, can perform well, and am decently compensated for doing so. Among the positives I bring to the table are a solid work ethic, an aversion to disruptive office politics, and an enthusiastic attitude toward learning. Beyond a certain point, it’s no longer on me if you can’t or won’t see such qualities. I can only claim to be a unicorn-riding wet dream of a candidate so often before I puke on my keyboard, and

you’re a fool if you think only experts at self-promotion are worth consideration.

I propose we switch places. I’ll let faulty keyword-finding software do 90% of my job for me while composing (but not proofreading) semi-honest job descriptions for openings that may or may not actually exist. You, on the other hand, can spend your days chucking customized personal data into the void, while becoming increasingly despondent over ever working again. It sounds difficult, but I’m willing to make the sacrifice.

Sorry, were you expecting a cover letter burbling about how orgasmically thrilling it would be to work for your exalted place of business? Yeah, right. Applying = humping your leg. Interview process = humping your leg. Discussing an offer = humping your leg. Notice the pattern there? Whores get paid, so if you want your balls gargled, I’m gonna need to see some ROI.

Sincerely,

Frustrated Enough to Bite Walls, Esq.

The World’s First Honest Cover Letter

by Mona TremeConsider the Platypus

BEER CAMP 2014 (Chico Party Woooooo!)Photo credit: Alan Sheckter


PHOTOS BY JESSICA SIDOn The Town20 SYNTHESISWEEKLY.COM JULY 28 2014


August 1st: Icarus The Owl Math-Rock-Pop Bliss From PortlandBY ALEX LIGHT

Icarus’ single-sentence bio undersells them fantastically: “A 4-piece Alt-Rock band known for their frequent time signature changes and tap-guitar lines in otherwise sing-along pop songs.” Allow me to embellish this sentence: I would replace “frequent time signature changes and tap-guitar lines” with “flawless tech-metal shredding to rival some of the best progressive metal bands of today.” “Sing-along pop songs” likewise should read “deliciously authentic and well-written songs that explore themes of love, romance and self-discovery through awesomely memorable melodies.” Two songs in particular off their newest release that are worth hearing: “Lily Trotter” and “Input.Time.Destruct.”

A note for integrity: I’m playing this show. I didn’t interview Icarus’ lead singer Joey Rubenstein JUST because they’re totally awesome; there were selfish reasons for it as well. Can you blame me? Yeah, I suppose you can. You’ll get over it.

How’d the four of you meet?

Rather unconventionally. It wasn’t the whole “we played music together in high school and still do” kind of thing. It was more like, I was trying to find band members who were really talented and could tour all the time in any way possible. I took to YouTube and Craigslist to meet the talented guys now in the band.

I met Rob, our drummer, by searching YouTube for Sky Eats Airplane drum covers. I figured, they play pretty techy stuff, and we play pretty techy stuff; maybe this dude will want to be in the band.

Your bio mentions getting your first album, unsupported by a label, in stores across the nation, including Hot Topic. How’d you do it?

We toured a lot on The Spotless Mind. We followed Warped Tour for multiple years, selling that album to the people in line. With the tour history and some good sales from Warped Tour in our repertoire, we were able to contact Hot Topic and they agreed to give us distribution. We emailed the CEO of Hot Topic, and they forwarded it down the ladder.

You’ve been on at least eleven national tours, averaging seven weeks in length. How have the four of you grown through those experiences, specifically in your relationship with each other?

It all becomes very routine. We’re seeing different places every day and meeting new people all the time, which is exciting, but a lot of the time it’s just routine. We’ve learned to pick our battles with each other.

While we can all be stubborn, and as fun as it is to fight about which bread to buy for our PB & Js, we have to live with each other for six to eight weeks at a time, four times a year. We

know each other’s quirks, and which buttons not to press. It’s like being in a four-way marriage in a confined stinky hunk of metal, all the time.

Describe your recording process for this third LP, and how it differed from the first two releases.

We’d always gone with Stephan Hawkes in the past, and he’s become a great friend and does amazing work. So when we record with him, I’m in my comfort zone. This time around, we went with Kris Crummett (from the same studio) to switch things up, and try to get out of that comfort zone.

We’re usually a very calculated band when it comes to recording. We always have the music written before going into the studio. This time, we wrote most of it on the road and had everything written into sheet music. Rob sight-read all of his drum parts. We experimented more with guitar pedals as well... Overall, it was a great and stressful experience.

Is there lyrical material in your third LP that you haven’t explored in the first two albums?

There’s a few themes I delved into with this new album that I haven’t covered before. One of them that makes a few appearances is the idea of living a double life, and compartmentalizing yourself. While terrifying, I love the concept of someone being a complete monster, but hiding in plain sight.

On a smaller level, some people are completely different online than they are in real life. I was probably watching too much Breaking Bad, Mad Men, and Dexter. I find solace in keeping secrets; it’s something that is mine and mine alone.

Who was the first group that brought awesome finger-tapping onto your radar?

There isn’t one single band that made me try it. Minus The Bear was probably the first band that put it on my radar in the modern world. Van Halen did it, but it wasn’t the percussive finger-tapping that I enjoy listening to and playing now... Thrice influenced me a great deal for guitar playing in general.

Your video for “The Extortionist” is pretty brutal. have you had some negative experiences with record labels in the past?

We may have been speaking out about one thing, but I think it can be a relatable song to anyone in a situation where they feel like someone else has control over something they really care about. Not being able to pursue what you love, because someone else isn’t letting you, is absolutely soul-crushing to anyone with passion.

You guys can get pretty heavy. Have any favorite metal or hardcore bands? (Please say BTBAM, please say BTBAM [heavy breathing])

I really like Between The Buried And Me, Rob loves Animals As Leaders, Zach loves Horse The Band, and AJ loves Deftones... Just kidding! We exclusively listen to deep cuts from Crazy Town’s first album—except for Rob, who only listens to Grandmaster Flash.

See Portland’s own Icarus The Owl play live in support of their 2014 self-titled LP, this Friday, August 1st, at 1078 Gallery. Also featuring Sorin, Idlehands (from San Diego), and Monk Warrior. $10, 7:30pm. Beer for sale on site.


Aries Taurus Gemini Cancer Leo Virgo

Koz McKev is on YouTube, on cable 11 BCTV and is heard on 90.1FM KZFR Chico. Also available by appointment for personal horo-

scopes call (530)891-5147 or e-mail [email protected]

JULY 28, 2014BY KOZ MCKEV

Things have been looking up for you recently. You know what feels right for you. You’ve established yourself as a creative force. You’re making an effort to be more loving. Being heart-centered feels good. Mars in your eighth house may make you impatient, horny, or want-ing to control things that you can’t control. The weekend may be out of your control as well. Take things step by step. You have much love and happiness surrounding you. Thursday and Friday look good for romance or for strik-ing a bargain.

Venus in your third house makes it easier to get caught up in your creative passions. You love to work with your hands, be it writing, massage or playing piano. There’s a focus on siblings and par-ents this week. Tuesday and Wednesday are good for working on creative expres-sion and focusing on issues regarding children and rec-reation. It’s also a good time for doing research on your family history. The weekend looks good for romance, love affairs, engagements, and taking care of contracts. Be careful not to push your part-ner too far.

We are all interdependent people, yet there are times when we would rather shut the rest of the world out. Mer-cury in the third house is just too curious about the rest of the world to let that all hap-pen. Siblings and old friends are likely to be visited. Matters of the heart get stirred up on Thursday and Friday. You’re more likely to engage in cre-ative expression. The week-end is good for organizing, taking care of personal health issues, and working with oth-ers on a group project. Try to listen with a careful ear.

The big picture when it comes to security and finances comes to you. Values and family continue to be import-ant themes. Food, music, and other people’s friends are part of this world. Take care of your ears, teeth, nose, and throat. Emotions and mem-ories are strong on Thursday and Friday. The weekend finds you with a wellspring of creative energy to pursue ar-tistic activities. Keep in mind how certain types of fun tax your resources both physical and financial. Plan for the fu-ture. Make a commitment to yourself to avoid something that you know is bad for you.

You rise up like the flavor of the year, not just the month. This is especially due to Jupi-ter’s conjunction with the sun this week. Friendliness, gener-osity, and love are the major themes. This is a time of confi-dence building. I must caution that there is a tendency for things to be ego driven. The week begins strong with the raging Leo new moon continu-ing into Monday. Tuesday and Wednesday are about busi-ness, food, and voice. Over the weekend it’s best to take care of domestic affairs, the needs of parents, and hanging out with the people you feel com-fortable with.

“I feel like locking myself up in an ashram or a monastery,” said a Virgo rising friend of mine. This is a blessed time to be working on your spiritual life. Mercury moves into your twelfth house on Thursday. Look for messages in dreams. Spend more time in prayer and meditation. Pay off old debts. Seek to make good kar-ma whenever the opportunity appears. Help those who are isolated. The moon will be in Virgo the night of the 28th through the 30th. These are days to be conscious of your plan of action.

You are likely to be working new angles for communica-tion and allowing yourself to be closer to neighbors and friends. Think of this as a time for community building rath-er than just the usual neigh-borhood gossip. Your mind is sharp, and you have many friends who will help you. The moon will be in Libra along with the north node of the moon Thursday and Friday and most of Saturday. Desire seems endless while romance presents its own set of ob-stacles. The weekend looks good for preparing food, sing-ing, and working on finances.

You are being depended upon to make things function. Your talents and skills are needed. Break out the many facets of yourself that can be put to use. Seek function over fashion, yet add a little flair to what you’re doing to make it fun. Your social life is active early in the week. It’s best to lay low and deal with obligations toward the end of the week. Saturday night and Sunday feature a Scor-pio moon. Accept whatever comes your way. Be patient even though you have the passion to be forceful. Be a good performer and don’t let the audience spook you.

Life is joy, expansion, and fun to our Sagittarius friends. This time of year is for explo-ration, exotic experiences, foreign cultures, languages, and higher education. Trav-el suits you well. Education gives life more meaning. What you are learning will eventually translate into what you are doing. Be open to different philosophies and religions. Learn that risk-tak-ing is part of the recipe for success. The weekend is like-ly to be filled with friends, so-cializing, planning and party-ing. On Sunday it’s best to lay low and cool your jets.

Other people have their pow-er and sometimes you are subject to it. Allowing other people to help you will be especially helpful during this period. Sex, birth, death, and other people’s property are dominant themes. Occult and mystery studies become more attractive. Tuesday and Wednesday are good days for risk-taking. The end of the week has you realizing your leadership ability. Discipline yourself. Be thankful for the people who have shown you commitment. Romance and intimacy require humility and approachability.

You are the referee amidst an astrological shit storm. Ne-gotiation will soon be your middle name, at least for the next few weeks. You main-tain the ability to look good at the workplace. The fools of summer can be annoying to you. Don’t let these “fools” know that you are on to them. Thursday through Saturday look good for initiating a va-cation or beginning a new educational pursuit. Romance can build momentum. Your leadership ability is strong, just don’t end up ruling with an iron fist due to being taken in by the moment.

Hard work may eventually pay off but it still is hard work. You learn how to relate to others on their own level this week. You’ll see the sick, the love-sick, as well as the toxic lust waste camp. Get organized. Be prepared to help others. Take care of pets and be ready to give to a charitable organi-zation. Relationship issues are best dealt with towards the early part of the week. Sunday looks good for travel or for vis-iting an untouched part of the natural world. Let the ama-teurs go wild while you do the simple things that work.

Libra Scorpio Saggitarius Capricorn Aquarius Pisces

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synthesis weekly – july 28, 2014

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