tear down the walls of the youth room

8/14/2019 Tear Down the Walls of the Youth Room

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Tear Down the Walls of the Youth Room

a resource from http://MinistryAllies.com

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43 Ideas for Starting, Growing, and Deepening Relationships With Teenagers Outside of Traditional Youth Group

Programs

By Nick Arnold

The content of this eBook are released under a Creative Commons Attribut ion Non-Commercial ShareAlike License

3.0. This means you are free to distribute this document and reprint its contents elsewhere so long as you mention

that I wrote it and provide a link back to http://MinistryAllies.com. You may not sell, resell, or use the content in

commercial products without prior consent.

Cover Photo by Timothy Daniel Tolle. Used with permission.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/angstdei/

http://www.angstdei.com/


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Special thanks to the following for their inspiration, contributions, and thoughts (in no particular

order). I would highly recommend checking out their blogs for more great ideas and thoughts on

youth ministry:

Adam McLane

Youth Specialties

http://adammclane.com

Tim Schmoyer

Pastor of Student Ministries at Alexandria CovenantChurch in Alexandria, MN

Author of Life In Student Ministry at

http://www.StudentMinistry.org

Jeremy Zach

http://smalltownyouthpastor.com/

Adam Lehman

http://adamlehman.us/

Chris Bowditchhttp://youthministryandme.com/

Mike Kupferer

http://reflectionministry.blogspot.com/

I would also like to thank the following people for believing in me and giving me a chance to grow

in ministry:

Jon Thomas Scott Brewer Doug Widger Johnny May


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I've never been turned down by aprincipal. It's all about your approach!

Meet with the principal in the summer,

before staff reports. Ask them if you can

help at lunch, in any way. Every single

time the principal has said something

like, We'd love a positive role model on

campus at lunch. Just let us know when

you get here, sign in, and pitch in help

where you see it's needed.-Adam McLane

1 Visit a student at school during lunch.This is the first way I ever met up with kids outside of the youthgroup. I was an intern at the time and I tagged along with my

boss, the youth pastor, who began to show me that youth

ministry was more than just speaking in front of kids on

Wednesday nights.

Visiting a student at school shows that

you think about them during the weekand allows you to meet their friends.

Variations: You can also buy them lunch and bring it on campus, though be ready to share with their

friends! Or if your kids go to a closed campus, you might consider meeting up with kids after school for

tacos at Jack in the Box or something similar. Breakfast before school is an option as well, if you can

convince the student to get up early! Check out more thoughts on visiting students at lunch.

2 Give out free food at lunch.I purchased two dozen tacos from Taco Bell and passed them out at lunch one day. All I asked for inreturn was their name. I met tons of kids that day and I still keep up with some of them!

Warning: Some schools will not allow you to bring food on campus. Check with the school

administrators first.


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With school budgets getting body

slammed by decreased tax

revenue, schools are hungry for

volunteers. If your intention is to

meet new students, stay away

from the Christian clubs.

-Adam McLane

3 Volunteer at a school club.Schools usually have a list of active clubs

available either in the office or on their website.

Find a club that looks appealing to you and offer to

help. Youll probably want to talk directly with the adult

sponsor (usually a teacher or a coach) and get their

permission. This is especially important on closed

campuses.

School clubs are great opportunities

to meet new kids who might have

similar interests as you.

The club you choose to help out with may or may not have kids that you know, but since clubs usually

center on a common interest, you can easily develop common ground with the kids you dont know.

This could be a Christian club or not; it doesnt matter. For the sake of outreach, a non-Christian club

might be better.

However, starting a Christian club if one doesnt exist is another way to volunteer your t ime. Find out

more about starting a new Christian club.


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I was the JV golf coach at my last church. This

was a great way to both get to know students

and have a legitimate excuse to be on campus.

When offered a stipend, I always donated it right

back to the booster club. -Adam McLane

I help coach the wrestling team at our community's high

school. It is such a great way to connect with pre-saved kids

and parents! Tim Schmo er

4 Tutor a subject youre proficient at.Never thought that A you barely squeaked out in math in the 9th grade would ever help you in youthministry? Tutoring is a great way to connect one-on-one with students. There are usually several

different places available to tutor, like at the school itself, at an after-school program, or you could

begin tutoring at your own church (though I would recommend getting out of the church walls, for the

sake of this exercise).

5 Help a student with homework or a project.While tutoring helps you connect with new students at school, helping a student with homework is agreat way to grow a current relationship. This could be proofreading an essay, double-checking their

math, or aiding in researching the Sons of Liberty. This is especially helpful come science fair season.

6 Coach a sport at a local school.Volunteer coaching at the local high school has been one of the best ways for me to connect with kids.After a few weeks, many of the kids began to open up to me about things going on in their lives, admit

their own insecurities, ask for advice, even have conversations about God. Fortunately, I was not the

head coach, so I did not have to deal with the many ins and

outs of coaching; I just got to spend time with students.


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7Ride the bus with a sports team to an away game.If you cannot commit to coaching every day (or just cant fit it into your schedule), offer to ride with theteam to an away game. Youll probably need some connections with the coaching staff beforehand, but

the bus ride with the team is a great opportunity to build relationships. Not to mention, at an away

game, you might be the only fan, other than the parents.

Credit to the guys atYLHelp.com for this idea.

8 Invite some students along with you to be a fan for a student at agame.*With this idea, you can kill the two proverbial birds with one stone: you can hang out with students and

be a fan to students at the same time. You can be over the top and make some signs for the kids you

are rooting for, maybe even paint letters on your chest (for the guys). This is especially fun at smaller

events.

*This could be any extracurricular event, such as comedy sports, drama, debate, or marching band.

See what your kids are into.

I take this a step further. I never go to a students game without taking another student with me. Like

you say, it's a perfect time to build relationship. More importantly, I use this time to model how to

minister practically to one of their peers. Adam McLane


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Caution: When chilling with students make sure to steer away

rom the danger of just hanging out. At some point the

conversation needs towards the reality of Jesus.-Jeremy Zach

9Go to a sporting event with some students and invite them and theirfriends out for ice cream afterward.Might cost you a bit, but students usually go for free ice cream. If youre on a tight budget, you can hit

up McDonalds or Burger King rather than the more expensive ice cream places.

10Open your house to students after school(from Mike Kupferer) Open your house just to hang out and maybe help with homework. This works ifyou live relatively close to school. I live right behind the schools and students can easily walk to the

house after school. It is a great chance to just hang out and talk with students. Another benefit has been

the chance to meet other students that I did not already know.


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11Hang out with a student or group of students.The simplest way to hang out is well hang out.We need to find the point where the theology of presence and the art of hanging out intersect. Here are

some ideas for hanging out with students:

1. Local theme park2. Paintballing3. Laser tag4. Beach5. Boating (skiing, wakeboarding, tubing)6. Snow skiing7. Snowboarding8. Go to a professional sporting event,

like a baseball or football game

9. Concert (use good judgment here)10. Local carnivals11. Circus, anyone?12. Zoo

13. Museum14. Aquarium15. Art show16. Hunting17. Fishing18. Watch fireworks (4th of July or New

Years)

19. Camping20. Hiking21. Backpacking22. Skateboarding23. Biking24. Dirt biking

I can highlight and underscore the camping idea

from personal experience. Kids will remember a

camping trip together better than any other youth

group trip or event. There's something about being

out in nature together, working together to cook

and clean meals, setup and tear down tents thatcreates some incredible bonding. -Tim Schmoyer

Dont forget about

county and state fairs!

Mike Kupferer


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12Play a sport with a student.This could be as simple as playing catch with a student (football, baseball, frisbee) or as complex asputting together a game of softball or pickup basketball. Dont forget about Foosball and Ping Pong!

Theres nothing like getting outside and expending some energy.

Variation: Help a student practice a sport, like pitching, setting, retrieving balls, etc.

13Work out with a student.They always need a spotter (and I could lose a few pounds!)14Help a student with or participate in a hobby of theirs.

What do your kids like to do with their free time? Sew? Collect and read comic books? Go with them.

15Ask a student to teach you a new skill.Could you ask a student to help you learn guitar? Set up a web site? Learn how to skateboard? Teachyou how to throw a Frisbee with the forehand (the flick)? Become a student of your students. They

will enjoy the opportunity to share their talents with you.


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The goal is to be seen. It doesn't

matter how you are seen but being

seen means you have to detach

from your computer and go outside

the church walls. Look at Paul, he

was a fierce missionary that went

everywhere. 1 Thess 2:17

demonstrates how Paul tried to be

seen. He visited, talked and hung

out with the communities that he

was writing to.

-Jeremy Zach

16Go shopping with a student at the local mall.Shopping with students allows you to get into their minds a bit.You dont need to buy anything yourself, though getting fashion

tips from the younger crowd might be a good idea. You can also

do lunch at the foot court, see a movie, and you might run into

other kids they know or you know.

17Go shopping at a thrift store with a student.When the mall is too expensive, thrift store shopping works too!You could go in with a mission to come out with the mostridiculous outfit. Then you can turn it into a fashion show and

host it at your house.

18Offer a student (or students) a ride to something they want to do.Serve a student by being their chauffer for the day.

Dont try to join them in what theyre doing (unless they invite you) because the point of this idea is to

serve the student(s). Sometimes, Ill do this spontaneously if I see a kid I know waiting at a bus stop.

Theyre usually just trying to get across town (and its a small town) so Ill stop and offer to give them a

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The biggest outreach event our

youth ministry does isn't an

event. Every Wednesday night I

send out a mass text to all the

students with information about

what fast food restaurant we'll

be gathering at. That is easily

the most fruitful hour of ourministry. It's a great

environment for so many things:

students inviting friends, getting

some individual counseling time

with students, and helping new

volunteers get connected to

students. Adam Lehman

19Have a meal with a student at a nice restaurant.Not exactly cheap, but certainly a treat! I save this option for special occasions, such as those who aregraduating, just got accepted to a college of their choice, or making the varsity team. The celebration

means more at a sit-down restaurant than at Burger King. In general, I find celebrating life with

students a key part of being in youth ministry. Rejoice with those who rejoice, (Romans 12:15, NIV)

20Hang out at a cheap restaurant and play a board game.Taco Bell + Connect Four or Dennys + Scrabble.

Having a board game while eating fast food adds a dimension

to the experience. My friends in high school used to go to

Dennys and play Scrabble, so why not try that with kids

today? It might even attract others in the restaurant to come over

and play (especially an enthral ling game of Chess!) Try to hit up a

place where you know a lot of students will be.

Depending on whom youre with, short games might work better andallow more people to play. Risk might not be the best game to play

for this idea!


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We made it a regular practice to invite families of

our students over for dinner. About once a month

or so, we'd invite the entire family over for

dinner. It was a great way to get to know thefamily dynamics, and share a favorite recipe or

two!

-Adam McLane

21Play a card game with a student or a group of students.Egyptian Rat Screw seems to be a favorite among youth group kids (thats the game with a wholebunch of slapping). Add an element and play for chips with Texas Hold Em (though you will want to

make sure gamblingeven for chipsis okay). There are also card games out there like Magic: The

Gathering and similar off brands that have become popular among some niche crowds.

Variation: (from Tim Schmoyer) Along these same lines, I went to the library and got a book on how

to do card tricks. I learned a couple and then showed them to some kids while we were hanging out.

They loved them and, of course, wanted to know how I did each one. So I taught them. When their

friends asked how they learned to do it, they could proudly say, My youth pastor taught me.

22Invite a student and his or her parents out to dinner.Part of relational ministry with students includes

getting to know their parents. Parents are your allies

in student ministry. Having their trust makes your job

a whole lot easier and allows you to minister to themas well.


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23Communicate via text message.Calling kids is so 2006.*I hear more and more kids having long conversations with one another via this primitive asynchronous

form of communication. But for some reason, kids dont mind texting. Its easy and convenient. Its also

easier to hide and allows for multitasking, i.e. texting while in class or gasp in church!

When to text? Quick questions and answers, general conversation, making plans to meet up.

When to call? I think most of my kids prefer to text, even in more serious conversations, but I usually

call when I expect the conversation to go on for a while or if the question I want to ask is urgent (Were

heading to the movies RIGHT NOW!)

Tips: Turn on the Word setting on your phone and practice. If you cant get used to 9 keys for 26

characters, get a phone with a full keyboard. Dont text without permission.

*And texting kids might be so 2009. Be ready to learn new ways to communicate in the future.

24Use social networking sites.Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, oh my!You probably are already on at least one of these networks. And if youre not, and do not feel

comfortable online, this would be a great opportunity to ask a student to help you create an account

and show you how to use the social networking site.


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Tips: Balance your time online. Teens typically have social networking accounts but dont always

spend a lot of time online. Spending too much time will communicate negatively. Dont comment on

everythingthey say or post. Use good judgment if youre going to talk to them in real life about

something they posted online.

Teens dont use email, instant messaging, or Twitter much. What they do use is Facebook, MySpace,

and the chat clients built into those two systems. Teens also use text messaging a lot (see previous

idea).

25Chat with a student on Facebook or MySpace.In some ways, the medium is the message: you care enough to learn how to chat with them online.Again, use good judgment and do not feel compelled to chat with them every time you are online.

26Create a video response on YouTube to a students video.If any of your students put a lot of videos up on YouTube, create a video of your own to respond to it.

You could even get other students involved in the response.


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I sent letters to a bunch of youth who I wanted to

come on camp but who hadn't registered yet. Got

about an 80-90% sign up rate from those youth!They key is, THEY MUST BE HANDWRITTEN

(address on the front and the letter inside, and they

must be on nice paper). All of that says I took effort

and time to write this because I care about you!

-Chris Bowditch

27Write a letter to a student.To students, letters might seem archaic, but theyre still valuable.Nothing is as meaningful as unfolding a handwritten letter from someone who has taken the time to

write words of encouragement and caring. Send

it in the mail.

Variation: (from Mike Kupferer) To go along

with writing letters to students, I like to send

postcards. But not just any postcard, I like to turnphotos into postcards. These can be pictures from

years ago or one from last week. Along with

sending students postcards of pictures with them

on it, I like to send postcards of random pictures,

too.

28Play a video game or a computer game online with a student.Nothing like killing orcs and telling elves about Jesus. Most games nowadays, even video games, haveonline capabilities, and some are completely online, so schedule a time to meet them online.


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Talk with all type of kids. Talking with kids will allow for you to

identify where they are and understand their world.

Ask a lot of questions. You shouldn't be doing a lot of the talking,

rather you should be doing a lot of asking of questions.

-Jeremy Zach

29Call a former youth group kid whos off at college.According to preliminary research being done by the Fuller Youth Institute, many college students wishtheir youth pastors would take time to see how they are doing in college. How often do our students

graduate and never get a call from their youth pastor again?

Relational ministry is lifelong ministry.


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Section 2

ASK THEM TOFOLLOW YOU

Ideas 30-43

Jesus did not stop with going out to meet the disciples where they were at. He invitedthem to follow Him and enter into the greatest story ever told.

Paul kept saying Follow me as I follow Christ to the churches he wrote to. This section is

about allowing students to see into your life and your walk with God.


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30Invite some students over to your place for a movie night.Students can see that you are a real person if you allow them to see where you live. You can combinethis idea with dinner, board games, or just provide some snacks and drinks.

31Host a video game night at your place.A variation to the previous idea: Allow your students to bring over their favorite video game console

and battle it out! You might also consider sett ing up Rock Band, Guitar Hero, or Dance Dance

Revolution.

Variation: (from Chris Bowditch) Board games work too!

32Host a LAN party at your place.For the more 1337. Let some kids come over for a night of computer games.

Variation: Have your kids dress up as the characters in the game you will be playing.


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Here's an example of one of these I did

with my students. We took all of the

students who didn't go away for Spring

Break and made a movie. Along the way,

we spent an entire day driving around andhaving a goofy time.

-Adam McLane

33Ask a few students to help you create a video.Students love to be movie stars.Creating a video takes a lot of work and can be a way to get different kids with different skills to

provide their own input into the project. You will need

actors, a cameraman, a director, a producer, and a video

editor (get creative and think of some other roles). The

video could be something for youth group, like an

announcement video, or something for them, like a skating

video where they can show off their skills. You can upload

the videos to YouTube for everyone to see.

Warning: Stupid tricks videos not recommended, unless

youre looking for a new job.

34Invite a student to cook a meal* with you.I dont know what it is about cooking and eating together, but it helps diffuse the power differentialbetween you and the student. As a variation, prepare the meal yourself and invite them over.

*Or a snack! Like chocolate chip cookies or dessert.


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One of the best memories a Jr. High

girls small group in my ministry has

together is when they went over to

their leader's house and helped her tear

down wallpaper. The leader couldn't

believe they would actually enjoy such

a painful task, but because they did it

together, it was a blast and they all

bonded over it. Don't be shy in asking

teens to join you in ordinary boring

projects. (Just be sure that's not the

only thing you ever ask them to do with

you or else you'll come off as just

looking for free labor.)

-Tim Schmoyer

35Ask for a students help or expertise on a project.Showing a student that their skills arevalued can help them develop as

adolescents.

What sort of help do you need?

36Ask a student to give you a ride somewhere.Similar to the previous idea, asking for help from a student allowsthem see their value. You could ask for a student to give you a

ride to and from the mechanic, the grocery store, the mall, or

another errand. You might actually need a ride, or you might need

to arrange for yourself to need a ride (i.e. wife or husband has the

car, I need a ride).

This is especially useful for youth workers who forgot to renew their license. Just kidding. Actually, Imade this a regular habit because our family has one car. I always bummed rides from my students

after youth group because walking was no fun! Adam McLane


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37Invite a student to hang out with your friends.Students can learn a lot by tagging along and see adults interact with one another.Warning: Exercise judgment here and keep good boundaries. You might want to ask your friends

ahead of time (especially if they are not youth leaders).

38Invite a student to lead an event alongside you.Giving students leadership responsibilities communicates trust andconfidence in them and their abilities.

Once, I invited one kid to help me lead a video game night, asking him to consider What do video

games have to do with Jesus? During our debrief time (which ended up going just as long as our video

game time) we talked about video games as a means to build relationships and how relationships are

key to evangelism and discipleship. I bet he learned more through that experience than any youth talk.


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where Youth Ministry is not all you

do. I've had kids run sound with me at

weddings/funerals, teach kids camp,

and even lead adult events!

-Adam McLane39Invite a student to serve another memberof your church together.By serving another member of your congregation, you can show a student that the church is bigger

than the youth ministry. Likewise, you can cultivate an attitude of service in your congregation as well.

This could be working on the lawn of an elderly couple or babysitting for a single mother.

40Invite a student to serve others in the community with you.Serving people in the community outside your church is another great way to transfer faith to students.

Working alongside the student on a project where you are not the leader also allows the student to see

that he or she is making a significant impact on someone elses life. This could be serving at a soup

kitchen, passing out care packages to the homeless, or visiting a drop-in center for teens.

41Listen to an audio sermon with a student.Be a student of God and invite a student to learn with you.There are so many churches that are making their sermons available online and so many services

hosting sermons for download. You can listen to a sermon and as you listen, take notes separately, and

compare notes afterward. Or, feel free to pause the sermon if one of you has a question or a point to

make.


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42Pray with a student.Talk to God together.This is different than praying fora student. This is allowing time for both you and the student to

communicate with God and listen together.

43Ask a student to pray for you.Give them something to pray for you about during the week.Many times I find myself asking for prayer requests at youth group meetings, never thinking of

something I myself might want to share. Sometimes students ask me for my own prayer requests,

sometimes they do not.

At summer camp one year, I was praying for students in a group and one kid interrupted, an 8th

grade

boy, and he invited his peers to pray for me. It was certainly a great moment to see him mature in this

way.

Variation: (from Chris Bowditch) Ask a student to pray for the actual youth ministry. I find this helpsdeepen relationships because it shows I think of the youth as part of our ministry, not just attendees.

Warning: Be cautious not to share anything that is overly burdensome, especially with students that

are not in a place to carry more emotional baggage. Dont share unresolved personal sin. This is not a

place to get counseling from kids. If you have issues, go to your supervisor or a mentor.

tear down the walls of the youth room

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