Starting a Family: The Adoption Process

for Gay and Lesbian Couples

Allyson Lindsey

Capella University

December 3, 2014

Are You Ready?

• Adopting a child is an arduous, seemingly never-ending process that at times, will appear

much like a roller coaster – and the seats are filled with your emotions. Remember that each

day starts anew.

• If you are an anxious and worrisome individual, or you find yourself plagued with self-

doubt, be mindful that all adoptive couples are having similar thoughts and feelings, e.g. fear,

self-doubt, anxiety, stress, financial strains, and so on.

• You are not alone. Reach out to your local LGBT community for emotional and mental

support, and financial guidance.

Estimated Number of Adopted Children Under Age 18

Living with Lesbian or Gay parents, by State

Very Lt. Gray=250 or less

Lt. Gray=251-500

Med. Gray=501-1000

Dark Gray=1001-5000

Black=5001 or more

White=No data

Thoughts to Consider

• While you may have your emotions in check, what about your partner/spouse? How are they doing? How do they feel about adopting a child? If not married, are you both ready to parent together…forever? After all, adopting a child is a life-long commitment. When the going gets tough you cannot ‘get going.’

• Are you both healthy, physically as well as mentally? Have you explored the idea of counseling? The adoption process can be stressful on couples in many different ways and the idea of a neutral, open-minded counselor could prove instrumental as you both navigate through unchartered waters.

• How are your finances? Is everything in order? What about life insurance and medical coverage? It is important to cover your bases, especially if you expect to become parents in the near future.

Possible Financial Costs

• Public Agency (Foster Care) Adoptions $0 - $2,500

• Licensed Private Agency Adoptions $5,000 - $40,000+

• Independent Adoptions $8,000 - $40,000+

• Facilitated/Unlicensed Adoptions $5,000 - $40,000+

• Intercountry Adoptions $15,000 - $30,000

Help Is Available!

• External resources may be available to off-set the cost of adoption. Did you know that there

are grants/loans/tax-credits available?

• Here is a list of organizations that offer help:

• A Child Waits Foundation

• Adoption Friendly Workplace

• Adoption Tax Credit

• Adoption Taxpayer Identification

Number

• Affording Adoption Foundation

• The Cost of Adoption

• Federal Adoption Tax Credit

• Financial Resources

• Gift of Adoption Fund

• God’s Grace Adoption Ministry

• Hebrew Free Loan

• Help Us Adopt

• National Adoption Foundation

Fostering Paves the Way

• Before we discuss types of adoption it is important to know your state’s laws regarding gay

and lesbian adoptions. Remember, the more informed you are, the smoother the adoption

process will be. Do your research.

• It is understood that you seek to adopt; however, while you wait (and you will wait), you may

also elect to begin the adoption process by becoming a foster parent. This may help you

prepare yourselves emotionally, mentally, physically and financially. This could also pave the

way for a smoother adoption process as you will have ‘experience’ at raising a child.

States that allow gay and lesbian fostering: All states, with the exception of Nebraska and

Utah. Nebraska has a law that forbids “gay people from fostering” and Utah does not allow

unmarried couples to foster (Utah has a ban on same-sex marriage).

Estimated Number of Children in the Foster Care System,

in the United States

Nearly 500,000 children are waiting in the foster care system.

The average wait time for a child to be adopted out of the

foster care system is 3 years.

Adoption

• There are numerous rules and policies with regard to same-sex adoptions; thus the need for an excellent lawyer, preferably one who specializes in gay and lesbian adoptions. To reiterate, it would be a good idea to reach out to your local LGBT community as they will likely have several attorneys on file who can assist you in the adoption process.

• Many states, to include those that allow same-sex marriages/adoptions, have unclear guidelines (often considered ‘booby traps’) that frequently trip couples looking to adopt within their state.

• Know the law, do your research, and with the help of the LGBT community, find an adoption attorney and an agency who specialize in gay and lesbian adoption. The American Academy of Adoption Attorneys provides a list of qualified LGBT lawyers: http://www.adoptionattorneys.org/aaaa/adopting-parents/lgbt-adoption

Regarding Adoption

• Some terms to know:

• Joint same-sex adoption is when two committed partners (or spouses) petition to adopt a

child together.

• Second parent adoption is when an individual adopts the child of their partner or spouse.

This is similar to step-parent adoptions; the step-parent often adopts the spouse’s child.

• According to lifelongadoptions.com a judge often determines the legality of same-sex

couple adoptions, even if “gay adoption” is legal in that particular state.

• Both Mississippi and Utah have a ban against same-sex couple adoptions. Utah prohibits all

unmarried couple adoptions; however, both states may allow individual gay and lesbian

adoptions to take place – if the presiding judge allows it.

Adoptions by State

• States that allow gay and lesbian couples to jointly adopt: Arkansas, California, Colorado,

Connecticut, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Maine, Massachusetts, Nevada, New Hampshire, New

Jersey, New York, Oregon, Vermont, and Washington; the District of Columbia also allows

joint adoption (Gates et al., 2014).

• States that allow second parent adoption: Arkansas, California, Colorado, Connecticut,

Illinois, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, and Vermont; the District of

Columbia also allows second parent adoption (Gates et al., 2014).

• “Still, people have successfully done second parent adoptions in the following 16 states as

well: Alabama, Alaska, Delaware, Hawaii, Iowa, Louisiana, Maryland, Minnesota, Nevada,

New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, Oregon, Rhode Island, Texas, and

Washington” (Gates et al., 2014). Keep the faith – it can happen for you too!

Open vs. Closed

• Open adoptions occur when the adoptive families stay in contact with the birth parent through visits, letters, phone calls, etc. The birth parent is typically a part of the child’s life.

• In closed adoptions there is no contact between the birth parent and the adoptive families.

• Semi-open adoptions are becoming more popular. These types of adoptions allow contact like that of open adoptions, except that the contact is maintained only through written correspondence and by exchange of pictures.

• Every relationship and adoption is different. Some couples prefer total involvement with the birth parent, and some want to start their lives as parents without the weight of a birth parent, per se.

** Get ready to begin making a birth/adoption plan! **

The Dreaded Home Study!

• You have finally reach this pinnacle, and your nerves are likely shot, but stay focused as the wait is

almost over!

• A home study typically takes 3 to 4 months and includes at least one home visit; it will also include the

following:

• Intake form – this helps to determine whether or not you are qualified to adopt according to your

state’s laws

• Background check and financial review

• Interview – each of you will be interviewed separately (this is routine) and the questions you are

asked will get very personal. You may be asked about your childhood, siblings, parents, etc.

Anything and everything is fair game.

General Information Included in the Home Study

• Significant people in the lives of the applicants

• Marriage and family relationships

• Motivation to adopt

• Expectations for the child

• Feelings about infertility (if this is an issue)

• Parenting and integration of the child into the

family

• Family environment

• Physical and health history of the applicants

• Education, employment and finances-including

insurance coverage and child care plans if needed

• References and criminal background clearances

• Summary and social worker’s recommendation

• Feelings about infertility (if this is an issue)

• Parenting and integration of the child into the

family

More on the Home Study...

Never Let ‘em See You Sweat!

• Some helpful tips:

• Clean the house, but do not go overboard - the interviewer will expect a few dust

bunnies. According to the Child Welfare Information Gateway, one of the main

purposes for a home visit is to “best match your family's strengths to the needs of a

particular child or children.”

• Be yourself. The home study and interview is to allow the interviewer to see you in

your ‘natural habitat’ as an individual and as a couple; this is a part of the adoption

process for all prospective parents

References

• All about home studies. (2014). Retrieved on December 6, 2014 from

http://www.lifelongadoptions.com/adoption-process/all-about-home-studies

• Child Welfare Information Gateway (2011, February). Costs of Adopting. Washington, DC:

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Children’s Bureau.

• Child Welfare Information Gateway. (2011). Frequently asked questions from lesbian, gay, bisexual,

and transgender (LGBT) prospective foster and adoptive parents. Washington, DC: U.S. Department

of Health and Human Services, Children's Bureau.

• Gates, G. J., Badgett, M. V., Macomber, J. E., & Chambers, K. (2007). Adoption and foster

care by gay and lesbian parents in the United States. The Williams Institute.

References continued

• Grants/loans/tax credit for adoptions. (2014). Retrieved on December 6, 2014 from

https://www.childwelfare.gov/adoption/adoptive/grants_loans.cfm

• Types of adoption. (2014). Retrieved on December 6, 2014 from

http://www.lifelongadoptions.com/typesofadoptions