The Ryman LegacyChapter 2C – The Joys of

Children

By Mzyra

Sean

Kimmy

Terry

(AKA: why you should not have so many children that you are

outnumbered more than two-to-one)

Last time in the Ryman Legacy:

There was adorableness, in the form of Terry – the fifth (and final) child of the family.

Look at the sweet and adorableness. Surely all children are this way though?

Oh wait - no, they’re not.

“Uh! Uh!”

“What’s that Terry? You want the boat? The big, fun, shiny boat?”

“Yuh!”

“Well you don’t get it because you’re a little, stupid baby and I’m a million times better than you!”

“Waaaaah!”

“Ehehehehe!”*

Yes, Kimmy is not, nor will she ever be, sweet and that somewhat offsets her chances at being adorable.

*(Note: this was entirely autonomous – as soon as Carla put Terry down, Kimmy did this. Family love!)

Her twin Sean is far less of a problem, though he has a few issues with girls.

“Hi, Sean? It’s Jane! I just thought I’d give you a call, see how you’ve been! How are things going, you know, with school and Kimmy and all?”

*Speechless*

“… Sean? Are you there?”

“…!”

Bless. Though it does make conversations difficult for Jane.

Carla’s still super-stay-at-home-mom, looking after the numerous kids, though Marina is old enough and occasionally willing to help out. She loves it really though, especially since the twins spend most of most days away at school, while Nicola and Terry are comparatively angels…

Though Terry is a bit of an over-fed angel with three carers around now and apparently his stomach isn’t exactly steel, which puts a bit of a downer on Carla’s child-adoring mood.

“Ugh. That was hideous.” *Sigh* “Bath time…”

Just because Birch spends most of his time working or skilling for work doesn’t mean the kids don’t adore him. Nicola adores most everyone she meets anyway, Sean looks up to his father as his only male role model (and the one who earns them what little money they have) and Kimmy finds his views on grilled cheese fascinating – unlike anybody else, but that’s Kimmy for you.

In fact Kimmy could hardly get on with anyone else. Once upon a time Marina and Kimmy had almost been normal friendly sisters, but with Kimmy’s frequent insults and rudeness and how mean she was to Sean, Marina found her little sister increasingly grinding on her nerves.

“Stop walking so fast, ‘Rina! Just because you have freakishly long – and pale – legs…”

“We have to walk fast – it’s your fault we missed the school bus, how long can it take to eat a sandwich?!”

“You can’t just stuff it down, stupid: with grilled cheese sandwiches you have to fully appreciated and their texture and flavour-”

“Yeah whatever, just hurry up and walk.”

Despite – or possibly because of – Kimmy’s bratty behaviour, Marina adored her other little sister; Nicola was almost strangely well behaved for a child. Marina had only become a teenager not so long ago, but already she couldn’t wait for her own family and children, hopefully with her childhood sweetheart, Nery. She’d already been figuring out what their children might look like – she had recessive blonde hair from Birch and Nery had red hair, so their many children could all look unique! It was just as well Marina was shy or Birch and Carla might have been grandparents rather sooner than they expected…

Having spent every moment of her adult life that wasn’t with the children on painting in order to earn money, Carla finally became an expert – all without spilling any paint on her beautiful new dress. A woman of infinite talents indeed.

Finally it was time for the twins to become almost entirely independent, though this also made them old enough to physically fight. The family would just have to cross their fingers and hope that they’d be too busy with other things…

Kimmy: Oh my gouda – look how much taller he is than me now! We can’t stand for this…

Sean was rather happy with how he was now a man rather than a boy – men could get jobs and that was one thing he was fully looking forward to.

Kimmy, panicking, quickly followed in her elder twin’s footsteps, much to the apparent lack of excitement in anybody. But everyone had to witness what happened, if only to be warned of what was to come.

“I’d stay away from her if I were you, Derek – this is the face of evil. She’s like a black widow spider; she’ll have your babies and then eat you!”

“Ugh, who wants babies?” Kimmy frowned at her twin.

“Okay, fine, she’ll make you into cheese, grill you in a sandwich, then eat you. No love or family involved.”

“Oh shut up soccer boy! As if you could make any decent kind of cheese out of people…”

“Did you make these, ‘Rina? What are they?”

“Something I saw in a recipe book – pancakes, apparently.”

“… So there’s no cheese in them at all?”

“Nope.”

“… Weird. They taste quite nice, but the lack of any cheese… weird.”

“I know what you mean…”

Marina soon followed in her mother’s wake by becoming a master painter too. She didn’t need creativity for her family, but spare earning power was always useful, even if she didn’t stay as poor as they were at the moment.

Meanwhile it seemed that Derek Thomason intended to follow Sean’s advice to stay away from Kimmy, but only because he’d seen somebody else he liked more… (to the point of ignoring Carla getting in the bath across the room…)

Derek had a lot of patience in waiting to be able to make his move (though maybe he was just hoping to be able to waste enough time that he could stay overnight, away from the townie orphanage), when Marina had stopped painting and Sean was out of earshot.

“H- hey Marina, I just wanted to tell you… You look really pretty in that dress and with your hair like that.”

“Aw thanks Derek, I appreciate you telling me that.”

It was almost certain that Marina didn’t get the full extent of what Derek was actually saying.

Instead of romance, Kimmy used her newfound teenage abilities to create boxes of her father’s cheesy chocolates (she didn’t steal any herself, they weren’t as good as sandwiches were) and continued to do so well into the night…

…And into the next day.

“I want to keep going Dad, but I get so tired and especially hungry after a little while, smelling all the cheese…”

“Then I shall tell you of the magic of the cheese, dear daughter!”

“Really?! Please, please, please do!”

“If you really love grilled cheese all you have to do is-”

“-put your hands together and rub them back and forth while imagining holding the sandwich-”

“-And voila!”

OMG, my life is complete! “Hello there little sandwich! I’m going to eat you and digest your cheesy goodness, then I’m going to make another and another and another and another until I could sweat cheese itself!”

The obsession is passed to another generation…

“I don’t think this is working… Whose idea was this in the first place?”

Sean had managed to convince Nicola to waste spend a day running his old lemonade stand that still hadn’t paid back the amount it had cost to buy it, and it proved to be just as popular as ever.

Which meant one customer every 10 hours or so. Thank goodness child labour laws weren’t strictly enforced.

“Yeah yeah, one lemonade… Say, is that your money-orientated older brother over there? I don’t suppose you’d give him my number for when he becomes an adult, would you?”

“He only just became a teenager… Which kind of makes you prospecting him very creepy if you don’t mind me saying. Maybe you should try somebody your own age?”

“Oh I would, but I think Kennedy Cox is secretly gay – he’s rebuffed me so many times…”

“Um. Right. Well here’s your lemonade, thanks. Come again!”

“Hey ‘Rina, you wouldn’t believe a lady I talked to earlier-!”

“That’s great Nicola, but maybe later, okay kid?”

“Aw, are you and Nery in love? Are you going to get married and have babies and-”

“Not now Nicky…”

“…I’m so jealous, I wish I had a boyfriend to be in love with.”

“Maybe when you’re older, but for now why don’t you go and tell Mum about the woman?”

“Okay…”

Innocent little sibling out of sight, Marina and Nery went back to being teenagers.

No amount of chatting up that Derek Thomason ever could have managed could have interfered in their sweet teenage first love. They just had to wait until they were adults before they could achieve all the things that Nicola had asked about and that they wanted…

But Birch and Carla had to wonder: was this really the next generation of their family? They seemed so very young…

But at least Birch could get along with Nery.

Nery was very concerned about that and made sure to sort things out so there wouldn’t be any problems with anyone (excluding Kimmy: a) because there would always be problems with Kimmy, b) because honestly Kimmy scared Nery a little and c) he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do if she attacked him – what if he accidentally hurt his girlfriend’s little sister?! Big boyfriend faux pas right there).

“So Sean, I just wanted to put your mind at rest about me and Marina – I love your sister and will never ever hurt her if at all possible. Please don’t beat me up.”

“Um, okay… I won’t beat you up if you don’t hurt her. Sounds good to me.”

Meanwhile Terry was yet another shy member of a shy family, but was finally coaxed into talking by Birch, who was at home for once.

It was odd that Terry’s first word was high chair when the only regular chairs were outside with the chess table (behold Carla having to stand in the background) and Terry had never had reason to see them, but maybe his accidental trip to high school with Marina really had had an effect somehow…

Sean had finally, and ecstatically, been able to get himself a job. It was true that it didn’t pay amazingly well, the carpool was frankly embarrassing and it wouldn’t really help to transform the house any time soon, but it was preparation for the future – the more experience he gained now, the higher up he’d start when he left school.

Kimmy preferred to stick with the cheesy chocolates, which pulled in a decent amount of money on their own. She did contemplate getting a job in culinary like Birch, but wanted to learn everything about cooking before that, if she bothered. If she was honest she wasn’t much of a people person anyway*, so she might be better off at home.

*You never would have guessed!

Birch, on the other hand, finally reached the top – celebrity chef, widely renowned for his skill with cheese, bread and hobs. With this came a certain amount of money-

And all of a sudden the family was living in a fully painted and decorated house, equipped with luxury furniture!

Or maybe they weren’t.

Even with ten promotions and much higher wages, five kids to feed and look after was never going to buy them a mansion, Birch would have to earn a mega bonus before they even got an ordinary 4 bedroom house, never mind somewhere big enough to separate everyone.

What was that about then, you ask?

Just because they couldn’t afford a great house for the first generation, it didn’t mean they couldn’t try to deceive their descendents with posh looking portraits! Take that, deluded children of tomorrow!

Note: Carla didn’t like this picture very much, she thought it made her look fat, but she didn’t want to hurt Birch’s feelings, so went with it anyway.

The next morning Birch happily held his wife when he woke up – later that day Terry would become a child and so much of their responsibilities would be lifted, having a grown family and no promotions to go for constantly.

Bliss.

Loads of townies still insisted on following the Ryman children home, including another one who would have looked perfectly at home in the current generation of kids, albeit with Birch’s eyes instead of Carla’s.

Kimmy thought he looked annoyingly like Sean and proceeded to pick on poor Gordon Nott for no adequate reason.

Sean had already made friends with Opal Raymond when he was a child and had been startled out of his shyness around her like other teenage girls by her eccentricity in beating her chest and yelling. If ever he was going to get a chance with a girl, he figured this would probably be it. Though Terry did insist on being rather in the way and noisy so that they had to shout a little bit just to talk. And Marina insisted on being a big sister and “Awww”-ing at his slightly romantic attempts, putting him off.

And Nicola insisted on having a bath, though luckily Opal had her back to the ‘bathroom’. Oddly Kimmy was the only one not causing trouble, but that was because she was busy insulting Gordon on his haircut and existence.

Sean tried to go for it as best he could.

“Um… Anybody ever tell you that your slightly kookiness is really cute?”

He decided to steer clear of trying to compliment her hair – that could cause problems…

All the mushiness at home with her parents and older siblings was getting on Kimmy’s nerves, so she decided to go out for a while on her own.

What was it with this whole ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ thing anyway? Kimmy didn’t really see the point. She’d talked to Derek and Gordon, but she hadn’t felt anything special apart from the general gleeful malevolence she tended to get with nearly everyone she saw as beneath her. Maybe it was because they both looked like they could be her brothers. Maybe if she hung out around this bakery she’d find a different guy, and one who appreciated the wonders of bread and cheese.

Apparently bakeries weren’t exactly hip hang outs for teenagers though. There were men and they did buy baked goods, but they were far too old for Kimmy. And generally unattractive. And of course the bakery didn’t actually sell ready-made sandwiches, so it hardly counted at all. Typical.

Hours of playing chess outside later, Kimmy gave up on the stupid so-called ‘bakery’ – there was obviously nothing and no-one there for her. Maybe one day she could start up her own proper bakery selling sandwiches and compete this place into bankruptcy. That might be fun.

Kimmy wasn’t prepared to go home and see her parents and siblings being all lovey-dovey yet though, so she continued into the city to see if she could find a guy who could make her understand the whole appeal of relationships.

The Crypt O’ Night Club was an unconventional choice for a grilled cheese teenager, but it had a foreboding feeling that made her feel quite at home.

What Derek was doing there was more of a question. Still, maybe Kimmy’s hormones hadn’t kicked in when she’d first seen Derek as a teenager before, maybe she could appreciate his attractiveness more this time.

No, she couldn’t. He was just as weird and annoying as ever he had been and Kimmy was tempted to grab a candle and set fire to his stupid sweater that didn’t match his shorts, except in the fact that both looked stupid - as did he.

Boys were just clearly never going to work. Boys were stupid. Girls… Well they were stupid too, weren’t they? Shopping, shoes, pink, giggling… Where was the grilled cheese? Where was the gleeful malevolence?

No, people as a whole were stupid and Kimmy, being the only not-stupid one, was better off alone.

On her way out and home, Kimmy bumped into a man. A grey man. A vampire! She pondered something she thought she remembered about them…

“Hey, don’t vampires love grilled cheese?”

“Um, not really, no. We don’t necessarily prefer anything except the dark, but most people assume we excessively like blood – which is wrong, by the way.”

“I could have sworn I’d heard of a vampire who was obsessed with grilled cheese… Cockney accent as well?”

“Nobody I’ve met, I’m afraid. I don’t mind grilled cheese myself though…”

Kimmy and the vampire – Count Christian Mamuyac – continued to talk outside the club for some time. Kimmy may have written off boys and girls and probably would go on to write off men and women too, but vampires were different, weren’t they? They weren’t like her, but they at least weren’t mainstream stupid. Different kinds of weird maybe, but weird might be able to appreciate weird.

Kimmy eventually left a couple of hours later, remembering that she probably ought to be there for Terry’s birthday, if only to tell him how stupid he looked when he grew up.

Kimmy came back to something that greatly brightened her world, but devastated Sean’s.

“Uh, look Sean, you’re nice and all and I like being complimented, but I don’t think I want to kiss you really…”

Nicola attempted to politely ignore her brother’s situation in the background, not that that was on his mind at that moment.

Sean tried his best to hold it together, but was fighting a losing battle – no-one else in his family or his friends had been rejected for their first kiss (though this was partly because half of them hadn’t had one, but Sean forgot that in his depression), making him a complete and total loser. He could vaguely recall something Kimmy had once said to him when they were kids: “Like you’ll have to pay somebody to like your stupid, ugly face!” Kimmy always seemed harsh, but maybe she was right. Again. Sean was repulsive and now they all had the proof…

Kimmy never really thought deeply about her feelings or actions, but was a little confused for once – she was extremely happy that Sean had gotten rejected and was now crying his wussy little heart out, but she was also angry at Opal for rejecting her brother, even though she didn’t actually mind that it had happened. Weird. But in any case, an excuse for mild violence!

“What, my twin brother isn’t good enough for you, you ginger tart?”

“Ow! He’s a nice guy, but I don’t like him that way! I thought you didn’t like him anyway!”

“I never said I did, but apparently I dislike you more! Hmm, I wonder what will happen if I try to pull these bobbles off your head…”

“OWWW! NO! Get off, please!”

With the help of the whole family and their guests, Opal was eventually extricated from Kimmy’s fierce grip. Then they had to try to hold a happy family birthday. Their lives could have been so normal without Kimmy…

Finally all of generation two were beyond toddlers and everyone who had thought of this fact breathed a sigh of relief. Soon they would all be teenagers, then adults and Kimmy would move out and they’d only have to see her every few months or so… It was a day to aim for indeed.

As for Terry himself, his tendency to eat a lot had apparently continued and he proved himself to be significantly messier than his older siblings, though also the nicest, so only the coldest of hearts could have held this against him…

“…Woah.”

“You didn’t want me then, you definitely can’t have me now. Now if you’d move one step to the left, I’d like some privacy thank you very much.”

~~~End of Chapter 2~~~

Next time: we’re going on holiday!