uweekly austin april 11, 2012

THE INDEPENDENT VOICE OF UT AUSTIN APRIL 11, 2012 WWW.UWEEKLYATX.COM VOL 4 ISSUE 12

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APRIL 11, 2012

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InternshipsIt Has to be Done

Best of the WorstUnion Food

GolfIt Doesn’t Have to Suck

UWeekly Sits Down with Burgess Meredith

Photo: Eli Watson

April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com4

scoring a summer internshipHopefully more tHAn just grAbbing coffee

ARE YOU TIRED OF WORKINg that same old minimum wage job during the summer just to get a decent amount of cash flow into your pocket? Well, you’re not the only one. We know how tempting it is to be a lazy ass and sit on a couch all summer after a school year’s worth of hard work. We’ve all been there, and UWeekly has some solutions to make the most of your free time during the summer. Summer can serve as a great opportunity to gain some work experience as an intern at your dream company and to make connections within the field you want to work in. Whether your major is Engineering, Biology, English, Journalism or History, there are a vast amount of internship opportunities available at your fingertips. Here are a few tips to keep in mind while starting to look for an internship.

be careful what you post onlineOne thing that many people don’t consider when applying for an internship (or any job, really) is that they may be searched on the Internet. Whether it’s Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, or any other social networking site, watch what you post. Please keep things appropriate. Although your friends may enjoy and like that picture of you on Facebook passed out on the floor at a recent frat party with a beer at

hand, no company is going to want you as a potential employee after seeing that. Also, keep in mind that Twitter and Facebook have privacy settings that allow you to keep certain pictures and posts to just yourself and certain friends.

talk to your professorsNo one really likes talking to professors and it’s easy to see why: They can be intimidating, they can chew your ear off and some can be

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absolutely boring. But there’s a reason why they are there to teach and help you, so use them. College professors are very knowledgeable in their respective fields and could even know of certain connections that you may not know about. The way we see it is that you have home-field advantage. The only way to make the best of your resources is to talk to your professors and see if they know of any internships they could recommend. Maybe if you get on their good side, they could be a great reference on your future resume.

clean up your resumeLook, we all know that completing a resume is a pain in the ass, but you just have to bite the bullet and get it done. It’s an absolute necessity for any job you’re seeking. Most

importantly, make sure you polish it up before sending it to anyone. The last

thing you need on a resume is irrelevant information. No

one is going to care about that Humane Society

volunteer program you participated in five years ago when you’re now applying for an engineering

internship program. However, it’s

understandable to not have much experience

upon immediately entering college, so, if need be, include

work experience gained in high school. Unless you’re a junior; that’s a different story. Also, make sure to highlight your strengths such as being an expert on Word or Excel or being proficient in another language. If you need help with crafting an effective resume, you can make individual appointments with the Director of Career Services to further assist your specific needs.

network, network, networkAnother perk in attending UT is that some companies seek to hire UT students. Yes, this time you’re lucky enough that the UT stereotypical image now works in your favor. How much easier can it get when services are already seeking to hire you simply because you attend UT? If interested, which you should be, go to AccessUT, HireTexas or Hire-A-Longhorn where you can gain more information regarding internship opportunities for your specific major.

be daringAfter all the resumes, networking, follow-up phone calls and doing whatever else is necessary to even begin to have a chance, snagging your perfect internship may still seem like an impossibility. We never said it was easy, and it’s not. But sometimes you just have to just go out there and do it. If you really and truly admire an organization or company, just throw caution to the wind and contact them directly. Throw them a

quick email asking if you can get involved in any way or if there are any internship opportunities. You may be surprised at what a simple task like that can do. And if they don’t email or call you back, always, always follow up. Persistence goes a long way regardless of any position you’re seeking.

put a face to your resumeOne thing that many people fail to do while applying for an internship is ensuring that you are a memorable candidate for the job. We understand that due to the vast amount of applications, it can be hard to set yourself apart from other candidates. That’s why you need to go the extra mile and guarantee that a potential future employer will remember you. One way to go about this is to meet up with potential employers or professionals regarding the internship prior to submitting your resume. Yeah, you may seem like a major kiss- ass but doing so will give you an invaluable advantage.

ALEx RAMIREz

WHetHer your mAjor is engineering,

biology, englisH, journAlism or History, tHere Are A

vAst Amount of internsHip opportunities AvAilAble

At your fingertips.


tHe best of the worstwhere to eat WHen you HAve to eAt At tHe union

WITHOUT FAIL, we always end up in the Union in the early afternoon, hungry, looking for food and staring at a long list of mediocre dining options. This is what college was made for. It’s never an easy choice, but we at UWeekly here to help Here are our power rankings of all the dining options in the Union for 2012.

1Chik-Fil-AUnder my estimation, Chik-Fil-A has been the reigning champ of the Union

Restaurant Power Rankings since the early 2000s. Never has inadvertently donating to anti-gay marriage charities been so delicious. Portable, fresh, and covered in horribly delicious sauce. These guys just get it.

2 Wendy’sYeah, it’s not as good as Chik-Fil-A, but at least they’re trying. In fact

it seems like they’re aiming for a more refined fat-person demographic, which at least explains their new guacamole chicken burger. But the Union Wendy’s is best known for that unguarded soda fountain. A prime pit-stop destination for the experienced UT student unafraid to steal a little soda.

3Field oF GreensThey actually make some pretty solid salads. Of course we’re

generally too distracted by trying to f it as many Chik-Fil-A nuggets in our mouth at one time. Trust me, every once in awhile, go pick up a Caesar salad. Give your body a break, for Christ ’s sake.

4ThAT rAndom-Ass pizzA plACe nexT To Field oF Greens

Yes, that pizza place does actually exist. I know because I’ve ordered a completely mediocre cheese calzone there on a whim a few weeks ago. It’s good if you like disgustingly heat-lamped pepperoni slices long abandoned by any care or companionship. You better really want pizza if you end up going here.

5TACo BellI once ate a Burrito Supreme combo from the Union Taco Bell at 9 AM on the way to

a Geography class my sophomore year. I had to leave said Geography class early, because it felt like I had an entire kilo of lead moving its way down my body. I locked myself in the bathroom—I might have started crying—and considered dropping

out of school altogether. To this day I’m not 100 percent sure it’s left my system. Friends don’t let friends eat Taco Bell, especially not for breakfast.

6Quizno’sSeriously, who the fuck is keeping Quizno’s in business? Subway’s shithead

little brother has been ruining everyone’s day

for years. Quizno’s is the antithesis of everything cool, relevant and awesome in the universe. I used to go to Quizno’s, but that’s because I lived in the suburbs and was miles from anything interesting. Quizno’s sucks the color out of the world. My girlfriend once told me that she preferred Quizno’s to any other sandwich chain and she became immediately unattractive to me for about an hour. If you choose Quizno’s as your primary dining option, you are either a child or horribly misinformed. May God have mercy on your soul.LUkE WInkIE

it seems like tHey’re Aiming for A more refined fAt-person demogrApHic, WHicH At leAst explAins

tHeir neW guAcAmole cHicken burger.

UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 2012 7

toAst tHe curemary tyler moore cAres About your HeAltH

RAISE YOUR HAND if you know what diabetes is. OK, now, raise your hand if you really know what diabetes is, including the differences between type 1 and 2 diabetes. I bet there’s a lot less people that raise their hand after that second round of questioning.

JDRF, a leading international organization focusing on type 1 diabetes research, aims to change that during their April 12 Toast the Cure event, held at Saks Fifth Avenue at the Arboretum.

Not your typical research-based fundraising

event, this stylish outing will be for those of you who enjoy putting on your nicest duds and hobnobbing with the best of them.

Seriously, though, there are some college kids out there that couldn’t afford a nice pair of loafers if it meant life or death. Then there are those college kids out there that come from a family of means, or have just been extremely lucky in a socioeconomic sense.

Now, if you’re going to college to try and raise your standing in the world, good for you! This is your perfect opportunity to get started. Go down to a somewhat decent thrift store and throw together your most convincing business-casual outfit. Then go buy tickets to this event.

Not only will this event be an opportunity

to help with diabetes 1 research, which is a devastating blood-sugar illness, it will also be a great opportunity to meet others your age that are interested in philanthropy. Organized by the Young Leadership Council, which is a social network of young, professional Austinies, this is just one of many charitable benefits held each year.

In partnership with JDRF Austin, the YLC hopes to accomplish a few specific things through this fundraiser, including:

•helping to raise funds for better treatments, preventative measures and to help cure type 1 diabetes

•networking and find support from people who understand what it’s like to have type 1 diabetes

•Getting the latest scoop on type 1 diabetes research

•Advocating on behalf of those who have type 1 diabetes

How does Mary Tyler Moore fit into this

equation? Simple: She’s the international Chairwoman for JDRF. As the largest charitable supporter for type 1 diabetes research, the JDRF community is committed to uniting the global efforts to treat, prevent and cure this difficult autoimmune disease.

Raising and awarding over 1.6 billion dollars to type 1 diabetes research, the work that JDRF produces and the funds they raise assist the more than 30,000 people each year that are diagnosed with the insulin disorder.

Even though this charity event might be a little bit out of your price range to enjoy, you can rest assured that over 80% of the organization’s proceeds go directly into type 1 diabetes research. And they’ve made sure their admissions prices will be worth it as you will be dazzled by a fashion show, lavished with gourmet food and drink and you might even win a raffle prize or two.

AMAnDA CHAPPEL

good deeds

publisherMichael Huereque

Account executivesNick LorgesEmily Faeth

Art directorJessica Caraway

Ad designerTerry Kennedy

editor–in–ChiefSarah Neve

Copy editorDaniel J. Frimpter

Campus WritersAmanda Chappel

Luke Winkie

sports WritersBrian Bogart

entertainment WritersWilliam M. BassSarah Vasquez

Karissa RodriguezBrett ThorneElijah Watson

Arryn Zech

CirculationJeremy Tooker

ConTACTuweeklyatx.com

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puBlisherHighbrow LLC

ABouT UWeekly AustinUWeekly Austin is an independent publication and is not affiliated with the University of Texas at Austin. One free copy per person. Additional cop-ies may be picked up at our office for .50 each. Opinions expressed are those of the writers/authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the staff or publishers of UWeekly. Not liable for omissions, misprints, or typo-graphical errors. No part of this pub-lication may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher.

© Copyright 2012 Highbrow, LLC

Thursday, April 12

6:30 PM ‘til the party ends

saks Fifth Avenue

9722 Great Hills Trail Austin, TX 78759 $20 in advance/ $25 at the door

“not your typicAl reseArcH-bAsed fundrAising event, tHis stylisH outing Will be for tHose of you WHo enjoy putting on your nicest duds And Hobnobbing WitH tHe best of tHem.”


Destress with stressfest!April 11Have you ever heard of a festival celebrating stress? Me either. But apparently, at UT, it exists. To be honest, this festival doesn’t celebrate stress so much as it tries to destroy it through free chair massages, live music, pet therapy and tropical slushies. Acupuncture optional. Flawn Academic Center (FAC) porch, 11 AM-1:30 PM

Global health awareness week April 12If you have some extra cash you’ve just been dying to throw around to a good cause, and I think you do, this is just as good a cause as any. Throw money in the face of AIDS with this silent auction held by the Baylor International Pediatric AIDS Initiative.West Mall, 11 AM-3 PM

sunDance comes to you April 12Ever wanted to attend the acclaimed Sundance Film Festival, but don’t have the time, money or inclination to actually make it happen? Maybe you’re an aspiring filmmaker who dreams of one day accumulating mountains of Sundance awards? Or perhaps you’re just a lonely college student who needs to get out and have a good time. Whether you fall into all or none of the above mentioned categories, you can still check out Hot Coffee, a Sundance documentary of a woman who spilled coffee

on herself and sued McDonalds. School of Law, Francis Auditorium 2.114, 5:30 PM- 8 PM

Dare to be the bestApril 13Do you ever envy the mental agility of Jack Donaghy? Do you wish to outwit your competitors and destroy your enemies? Now, with this Jack Donaghy-like seminar, you can increase your mental agility in six of the of the critical areas of thinking. But be warned, this seminar is only for those of you who already comprise the top tier, as it’s quite costly to attend. AT&T Executive Education Conference Center (ATT), 9 AM-4 PM, $550

love’s labor lostApril 18This will undoubtedly be an amazing rendition of this classic yet lesser-known Shakespeare play. If you don’t already know, it’s about four men who swear off romance in order to be the best scholars they can be. How many of you men out there would give up girls in order to excel at school? That’s what I thought. Winship Drama Building (WIN), 8 PM-10 PM, $20 adults, $17 faculty/staff, $15 students

AMAnDA CHAPPEL

EvEntS on oR ARoUnD CAMPUSWednesdAy, Apr 11softball Texas Tech, Lubbock, TX, 6 PM

tennis St. Edward’s, Austin, TX, 5 PM

FridAy, Apr 13baseball Oklahoma State, Austin, TX, 6 PM

softball Kansas, Lawrence, KS, 5 PM

women’s volleyball Texas State, Austin, TX, 5:30 PM

women’s volleyball UTSA, Austin, TX, 7 PM

sATurdAy, Apr 14baseball Oklahoma State, Austin, TX, 3 PM


women’s tennis Baylor, Austin, TX, 11:30 AM

men’s tennis Texas A&M, Austin, TX, 6 PM

men’s Golf Western Intercollegiate, Santa Cruz, CA, All Day

women’s rowing Lake Natoma Invitational, Golden River, CA (Lake Natoma), All Day

men’s track Texas Invitational, Austin, TX, TBAwomen’s Golf Vanderbilt, Nashville, TN, All Day

women’s track Texas Invitational, Austin, TX, TBA

sundAy, Apr 15baseball Oklahoma State, Austin, TX, 2:30 PM


women’s tennis Texas Tech, Austin, TX, 11:30 AM

men’s Golf Western Intercollegiate, Santa Cruz, CA, All Day

women’s rowing Lake Natoma Invitational, Golden River, CA (Lake Natoma), All Day

mondAy, Apr 16longhorn foundation Men’s Basketball Awards Presentation, Frank Erwin Center, 5:30 PM

TuesdAy, Apr 17baseball Texas State, Austin, TX 6, PM

women’s tennis Texas A&M, College Station, TX, 6 PM

BRIAn BoGARt

Have something to add?Email us at

[email protected]

UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 2012 9April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

dear mechanical bull operator.YOU ARE A DICK. You see how drunk I am don’t you? You can see it. The first clue was when I gave you five-dollars to let me ride a mechanical bull. Then you watched my drunk ass climb up there and make a fool out of myself. After that you clearly cranked the damn thing up to 11 and tossed my drunk

ass across the room. I woke up broke, broken, and ashamed. And I didn’t even get laid. Ass.

Best,Not Worth It

suBmiT To Air iT ouT!1. everything Anonymous – Not only are we

giving you an opportunity to publicly air your grievances, we’re allowing you to hide behind the cowardly mask of anonymity to do it. So we don’t want your name. But we’re also extending that same courtesy to whomever you’re complaining about. If a wasted girl spilled food on you at Kerbey Lane, then call her “a girl.” We don’t need her name, date of birth, or UTEID.

2. Be Brief – Short and not–so–sweet is key. If you can’t say what you need in less than 250 words, than you’re rambling, not ranting.

3. stay specific – There’s a lot to be annoyed about on campus. We know. But please pick one issue, not seven, and avoid digressing. An open letter to whoever keeps shaving their pubes in the communal sink is good; a list of things you don’t like about living in the dorms is less so.

4. powerful language – At UWeekly, we write our own rules. We’re down to say a naughty word now and again. But there is a huge difference between the rare, well–placed profanity and a barely literate Youtube comment. Your critiques should be at least a little bit more cutting than “blah blah blah is a *@#&!!!”

5. To Whom it may Concern – Air It Out is publishing your open letters, so don’t forget to address them as such. Did some douche lose his lunch the last time you rode the E–Bus? Then open with “Dear Dude Who Barfed on the Bus.” And just because we’re not giving out your name doesn’t mean you can’t let him know who it’s from. Just sign it, “Sincerely, Everyone Else on the Bus.”

[email protected]

Photos and Interviews by Brian Bogart

opinionAirit

out that’s what she said.what do you miss most about the 90s?

“Embroidered jeans.”

sara athans“Slap bracelets. Obviously.”

kimberley wilson

“ I miss N’sync, Spice Girls, and scrunchies.”

caitlin amthor

“The TV shows. Almost everything now is a bunch of crap. Mainly referring to stuff on nick and disney, but still. Best part of the

90s were all those good shows.”

marissa Deleon

“Using walkmans to listen to boy bands like N’sync and the Backstreet Boys.”

ellen francis

“Obviously new episodes of seinfeld, Friends, Saved by the bell....hmmm the

spice girls, new kids on the block...OH MY GOD THE WONDER YEARS DUH.”

christy frink

10 April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

sHootin’the shit“WHAt do you tHink is tHe biggest need for tHe coWboys, And WHo do you tHink tHey’re gonnA get to fill it?”-brian losoya

IF THERE’S ONE THINg the Cowboys have an abundance of, it’s needs. Don’t get me wrong, there’s talent there and a lot of it, but the glaring holes the ’Boys do have are what’s holding them back from being an elite (or at least just a playoff) squad. First and foremost, the offensive line situation is just atrocious, which is why there’s been a lot of speculation of Dallas taking Stanford OG David DeCastro at pick number 14. After all, DeCastro was integral in allowing Andrew Luck the time he needed to stay calm in the pocket at Stanford and his stock has been rising consistently ever since NFL scouts have been doing their evaluations. I even pegged him as a potentially dark horse top 10 pick a few weeks ago when Luke and I did our draft board.

The only hitch in that plan, however, is that there are also whispers of Kansas City plucking DeCastro at number 11 before

Dallas has an opportunity to draft him. At the moment, that seems a bit up in the air and we may not know for sure until draft day, but if DeCastro isn’t there then Dallas could very well shoot for a defensive back. If that

were the case, Big D could easily defer to LSU cornerback Morris Claiborne who originally projected to be a top 10 pick. However, in light of his unusually low Wonderlic score of 4, which was leaked unethically in its own right, it wouldn’t be terribly surprising to see his stock drop a bit. Even if the Wonderlic isn’t necessarily a test that proves future success in the NFL, it could carry enough of

a negative stigma (even if it be unfair) that could see him drop to the teens. If Claiborne’s gone at that point, though, and Dallas is still looking to pick up a CB, Dre Kirkpatrick could be next in line.

Besides filling holes on the OL and secondary, Dallas was also hurting something awful in the pass rush last year, which did a lot to help opposing teams march right down the field against them last year in the two-minute drill which was the bane of the Cowboys in 2011. Luckily for Dallas, though, this draft has its share of talented defensive ends in Quinton Coples

and Fletcher Cox. Although Coples is a guy with immense talent, his drive has been called into question in recent months. As we all know, Dallas really excels in recruiting guys like that. (That was sarcasm.)

If I was a betting man, I would bank on Big D taking DeCastro if he’s still there; and as a Cowboys fan, I hope he is because he seems like he could be a very valuable asset and could contribute immediately. If he’s not there, though, look for the ’Boys to either stack up on the secondary or defensive end position. And don’t discount Dallas taking an elite pass-rushing linebacker either, as pressure, pressure, and more pressure will be the name of the game for Dallas heading into this year’s draft. Should be a good one.

BRIAn BoGARt

if there’s one thing the cowboys have an abundance of, it’s needs.

WAnt to SHoot tHE SHIt WItH ME?EMAIL yoUR qUEStIonS to

[email protected]: Bigcats lair at en.wikipedia

ALTHOUgH THE MASTERS have come and gone, those images of Bubba Watson and his outpour of emotion moments after winning his first green jacket are going to linger for a while. It’s always nice to see such a genuine human being earn something he truly deserves and makes you wonder why we’re still so hung up on Tiger who was throwing and kicking his clubs like a child. Remember mere months after his scandal when he said he wasn’t going to do that any more? Hey ho.

BESIDES BEINg A HEARTBREAKINg week for Tiger, who didn’t even contend in Augusta, this also had to have been hell of a weekend for Phil Mickelson who appeared poised to snatch his second consecutive green jacket after three days. Sadly, though, ol’ Lefty didn’t play his best golf down the stretch and players like Bubba Watson and Louis Oosthuizen took full advantage. If it’s any consolation for Phil, though, I’m sure his other green jacket still fits him just fine.

HEADINg INTO THE HOME STRETCH of NBA season here are your MVPs, in order: Kevin Durant, LeBron James, Tony Parker, Kevin Love and Chris Paul. In all honesty, Kevin Love should probably be even higher since he seems to have a monster game just about every night, but it’s hard to make an MVP case when for yourself when your team is 25-32. And yes, that’s below .500 for those keeping score at home.

REMEMBER WHEN DWIgHT HOWARD’S decision to stay with the Magic was supposed to bring peace to Orlando? Remember how I said “supposed to?”

OzzIE gUILLEN sure did piss off a lot of Cubans (myself included, forget that my last name is “Bogart”) when he used that big mouth of his to declare his love and respect for Cuban dictator Fidel Castro because of his ability to survive and remain in power for 50 years. Besides the fact that Miami is probably the number one place you don’t want to declare your love for Castro, it was just an idiotic and ignorant thing to say, especially only one week into your first season with the team. Thankfully, however, the Marlins offered a rebuttal condemning Ozzie’s praise and Ozzie himself issued an apology to the Miami public. Dude’s still an idiot, though.

MERE WEEKS AFTER WRONgFULLY accusing Jeremy Shockey of being the “snitch” that brought down the New Orleans Saints with their bounty scandal, Warren Sapp has now declared bankruptcy, owing more than $6.7 million for creditors and child support. Sounds like he had himself a bad month, but then again it’s hard to feel bad for a guy who tried to accuse someone of something he didn’t do on national TV.

BRIAn BoGARt

Photo keith Allison

tHe highlight reel


give golf A chanceAfter A tHree dAy golf WAtcHing bender, one sports writer HAs A neW found respect for tHe “sport”

I’VE NEVER WATCHED gOLF, mainly because I’m a 20-year-old boy. I played it once when I was nine but my dad quickly realized this was a terrible idea. This does not change the fact that golf is beguilingly one of the most popular sports in the world, and the Masters is considered one of the greatest sporting events in the western world. For me, someone who’s working on being more sports-literate, it seemed like a pretty natural fit. I cleared out my weekend plans (like I had any in the first place), sat on my ass, and watched golf for three whole days. I learned many things; most importantly, that golf is awesome.

Seriously, this is as close to a Xanax lull as you’ll get in a major sporting event. Birds

are constantly chirping; everyone speaks in a beatific hushed tone; they actually pump in relaxing music between the holes. It is a wonderful thing. You’ll feel yourself drifting off towards some white-man’s heaven. There’s something weirdly pacifying about watching grown men sweat, toil, and stress out as you bask in the warm, dulcet voyage.

Golf looks really, really hard. Like an exercise in masochism. You have an incredibly tiny hole hundreds of yards away from a similarly-sized ball. You’re then expected to hit the ball about 4 times for it to get into the hole, and that’s considered average. That won’t even get you a pat on the head. It’s easy to chastise golf because it’s a bunch of hoity-toity men

in khakis and visors taking themselves very seriously, but they’re taking themselves very seriously because what they’re trying to do was never meant to be attempted by a human. It puts all of Tiger’s machismo into perspective.

Speaking of which, Tiger totally bombed his entire weekend, Phil Mickelson had a lead before attempting a brain-dead shot that left him with a double bogey and Rory McIlroy, the new hotshot, young-gun golfer, sunk his way right out of competition on Saturday. That all opened the door for a guy named Bubba to win a green jacket in a playoff. There was one moment where his ball had landed in the pine and he was able to hit it in such a way where it took a practical 90 degree turn to land nicely on

the green. I actually jumped out of my chair. It was the most badass thing I’ve ever seen in golf in my three days of watching.

So where does that leave you? I imagine you’re a pretty skeptical person when it comes

to athletes in their late 40s. But let me tell you, golf can make some quality television. I recommend being alone when you watch it, because I was certainly impressed. I went into

the Masters expecting to make a bunch of jokes about how silly it all is, but I leave a converted golf fan. It’s like my irony backfired, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

LUkE WInkIE

Photo: U.S. Army

Photo: Michael Miller

it’s eAsy to cHAstise golf becAuse it’s A buncH of Hoity-toity men in kHAkis And

visors tAking tHemselves very seriously.

WHAt’s next for hockey(besides a lot of violence)

IT’S PLAYOFF TIME! During this time, young men in skates carve up the ice, hit each other and put small black pellets into nets. We’re talking about hockey! The first round of playoffs is always exciting because of the prospect of a higher side choking and falling to a lesser team, embarrassing an entire nation of devotees. You gotta love schadenfreude. Here is a brief preview of the upcoming matchups.

eastern conferenceNew York Rangers vs. Ottawa SenatorsYou’ve gotta give the Sens credit for staying scrappy on the brink of elimination, but the advantage clearly lands with the Rangers here. They’ve got more depth, a goalie

capable of nullifying even the most potent of offenses, and they’re quite fast on the front line. Ottawa will go down the way 8-seeds usually go down.

Boston Bruins vs. Washington CapitalsThe Caps have been a dysfunctional, underachieving mess all year. Even more so than the Bruins. This is actually one of the more interesting matchups of the first round simply because of the rampant unpredictability of both of these squads all year. But eventually you have to give it to the Bruins. They’ve got the better offensive chops and a goalie that has turned into a phalanx in the postseason.

Florida Panthers vs. New Jersey DevilsThe reason we play a seven-game series is to weed out the f lukish, inconsistent play of some of the lesser squads. For that reason alone the Panthers will f izzle out of the f irst round.

Pittsburgh Penguins vs. Philadelphia FlyersWith injuries to James van Riemsdyk and Danny Briere, it’s pretty difficult to pick the Flyers, especially when the Pens are finally lining up with Sidney Crosby again. Pittsburgh just has more talent on penalty kills, goalkeeping and goal scoring. It’s hard thinking the Flyers will stay in their way for long.

western conferenceVancouver Canucks vs. Los Angeles Kings

If an 8-seed is going to upset a 1-seed, it’ll be here. The Kings have played the Canucks incredibly tough through the regular season: they live on stingy defense, solid goaltending and, since snagging Jeff Carter, have been serviceable on offense, which isn’t bad considering they spent most of the season in the basement. Still, you have to take the Canucks muscling out a victory over seven games. I mean, it would be really embarrassing if they don’t. ContInUED on PAGE 13


bobby And the real girlbobby petrino scAndAl lAtest in long line of collegiAte sports scAndAls

BOBBY PETRINO is something of a douchebag and the University of Arkansas knew it. They knew what they were getting when they hired the former head coach of the Atlanta Falcons back in ’08; they knew the risks of hiring guys with a history of questionable character; they knew Petrino was a well-documented liar. That still didn’t stop Razorback Nation from taking a collective gasp, however, when it was revealed that Petrino had been having an affair with a 25-year-old staffer amidst the news that he was in a motorcycle accident with her in it. Although the story has brought the Arkansas football program to its knees, it is far from the only incident that has rocked a collegiate athletic program, which is why it is my pleasure to present UWeekly’s list of some of the more memorable NCAA scandals in recent memory.

And for what it’s worth, you won’t find anything about Jerry Sandusky here. That horse has been beaten to death and then some for quite some time now. Let’s read on.

dana “pokey” chatman and her lover lsu, 2007Dana “Pokey” Chatman was on top of the world: head women’s basketball coach at a big-name school, national coach of the year winner, and four consecutive Final Four appearances. Yep, everything was comin’ up Pokey.

That is, until things came crashing down in ‘07 when an assistant coach outed that Chatman was having an affair with a former player. Needless to say, this put every one of the Tiger Nation faithful in an awkward spot and the school ultimately gave coach Chatman the option of resigning within a two-hour span or be fired. Although Chatman resigned, she fought to get paid the remaining $900,000 that was left in her contract. Although both parties eventually settled out of court for $160,000, the damage was done and every women’s hoops fan in Baton Rouge was left with a bitter taste in

their mouth.Things didn’t turn out all bad for Pokey in her

post-LSU life, however, as she would go on to be an assistant coach of a women’s Euroleague team and ultimately serve as the GM of WNBA team Chicago Sky. Not bad, Pokey. Not bad at all.

woody hayes and the punch heard ’round the world ohio state university, 1978First and foremost, Woody Hayes is a legend, and, as far as the folks in Columbus are concerned, he is Ohio State football. But besides being a legendary football coach and a legendary competitor, he also had a legendary temper, and it was that temper that ultimately ended his coaching career at Ohio State.

It was the 1978 Gator Bowl and Ohio State was squaring off against Clemson. Trailing by only two points heading into the final two minutes of the game, Ohio State was poised to march down the field and steal one from the Tigers as quarterback Art Schlichter was having a hell of a game and had appeared ready to win the game for the Buckeyes. Well, that didn’t necessarily turn out to be the case as Schlichter threw a pass that sailed wide of his receiver and into the hands of Clemson guard Charlie Bauman. As much as Woody hated the interception, he clearly hated Bauman more, as Hayes punched Bauman in the throat after the guard was tackled out of bounds on the Ohio State side. Needless to say, punching student athletes is a big no-no, even if it’s not one of your players you’re punching. No matter how big of a legend Hayes was, OSU had no choice but to sever ties with its football coach.

Just to get a glimpse of the sheer bad-assness that was Woody Hayes, though, when asked by the Athletic Director if he would resign, Hayes famously replied, “That would make it too easy for you. You had better go ahead and fire me.” That took some cajones.

Photo: the Rebel At)

the fab five and ed martin michigan, 1996-2002

The Fab Five were called that for a reason. Five of the most talented players ever assembled into a single recruiting class that included the likes of Chris Webber, Jalen Rose, Juwan Howard, Jimmy King, and Ray Jackson. Even though that list is essentially a who’s who of basketball greatness, that still didn’t stop the school from being brought to its knees after it was revealed that prominent booster Ed Martin was paying players illegally with money he was laundering through an illegitimate gambling operation he had been running.

Now I know that was a whole lot of scandal in that one sentence, but it became apparent pretty early after the scandal broke that this was a pretty big deal, garnering attention from not only the Big Ten, but the FBI, IRS, and US Department of Justice as well. Even though the scandal saw head coach Steve Fisher get fired and plummeted Wolverine basketball to the depths of NCAA hell, Michigan is just now starting to get back to prominence from a basketball standpoint more than a decade after the scandal broke. Now if only their football program was able to get back on their feet in similar fashion, Big Blue would be in business; but, sadly for Wolverines everywhere, that just hasn’t been the case for several years now.

BRIAn BoGARt

San Jose Sharks vs. St. Louis BluesAh, those stingy Sharks. A few weeks ago

there was a real possibility of them not even making the playoffs, but they always stick around. Unfortunately they’re running into the tough-as-nails Blues. St. Louis should be able to roughhouse their way to a victory, but betting against San Jose has certainly been a bad idea in the past.

Phoenix Coyotes vs. Chicago BlackhawksEven if this series ends with a four-game sweep, you have to give props to the ’Yotes for working in a playoff spot with dwindling fan support and the very real possibility of being a moved franchise as early as next

year. The Blackhawks have faced an up-and-down year, stuck with bad goaltending and some beguiling losses. Chicago is the expert’s pick, but that’s mainly on past glory, as Phoenix has yet to make deep headway in the playoffs. This could very well be the year.

Nashville Predators vs. Detroit Red WingsThis is probably the marquee matchup of the first round. Two rock-solid teams, two great fanbases. It really is a toss-up. The Red Wings have been awful on the road, but near invincible at home. No analyst conjecture can really solve this one, but I will say I’d like to see the Preds take it. It’s always great to see non-traditional hockey towns knock off the heavyweights.

LUkE WInkIE

ContInUED FRoM HoCkEy PAGE 12

14 April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 2012

tHis Week in face-punchin’Askren defends title in rout

BELLATOR 64 showed that welterweight champion Ben Askren is still perhaps the most dominant fighter in Bellator, as he completely routed No. 1 contender Douglas Lima to defend his title. Askren used his world class wrestling to out-position Lima for the entire 25-minute fight, and he cemented his status as one of the sport’s top ten 170-pound fighters in the process. Fans booed Askren’s performance because of what appeared to be a lack of attempts to finish the fight, but Askren was unfazed after the fight by the fans’ boos.

Featherweight Marlon Sandro advanced to his second consecutive Bellator tournament final, as he took a unanimous decision over fellow countryman Alexandre “Popo” Bezerra to earn his place in the Season Six Featherweight Tournament final. He’ll take on the winner of this week’s other semifinal between Daniel Straus and Mike Corey. Sandro said that he anticipates taking on the Ohioan Straus in the finale, but he’s really interested in getting a rematch with current featherweight champion Pat Curran, who defeated him to become the No. 1 contender in the finale of last year’s Summer Series Featherweight Tournament.

The Bellator Season Six Bantamweight Tournament finally kicked off, and the first two fighters earned their spots in the semifinals at Bellator 64. In one quarterfinal, American wrestler Travis Marx upset Shooto champion and consensus top ten bantamweight Masakatsu Ueda by controlling the entire fight. Ueda’s Japanese countryman Hiroshi Nakamura was more successful in his bid for the semifinals, as he was able to outpoint Brazil’s Rodrigo Lima to hand him his first loss.

NEXT MONTH’S UFC 146 received a bit of a shakeup this past week, as No. 1 heavyweight contender Alistair Overeem failed a pre-fight drug test and will likely be removed from his main event title bout against current champion Junior Dos Santos. Although Overeem hasn’t officially been removed from the bout, many potential suitors came forward in anticipation of the title shot opening up. Former UFC heavyweight champion Frank Mir was the first to throw his name into the ring, but UFC officials confirmed that his co-main event bout with Fabricio Werdum is still

on and will likely determine the next No. 1 contender. Former PRIDE heavyweight champion Fedor Emelianenko was also rumored to take the slot, but the Russian is still under the management of M-1, which won’t allow Fedor to fight in the UFC without a co-promotion deal, which the UFC won’t do. Former UFC and Strikeforce light heavyweight champion, who is waiting for his title shot at 205 pounds, said that he’d also be interested in the bout. But perhaps the most unlikely candidate could take the

position. Fight veteran and former kickboxer Mark Hunt – just 8-7 overall but on a three-fight win streak in the UFC in the twilight of his career – has received tons of support on social media from fans and may just get the titles shot. Known for taking part in some of the sport’s most memorable wars in Japan with top fighters, Hunt could receive his first title shot if given the chance.

AFTER A STINT as UFC heavyweight champion, Brock Lesnar has returned to the WWE for a pro wrestling career. Perhaps the most physically imposing fighter to ever compete in the UFC, Lesnar competed for – and won – the UFC heavyweight title in just his fourth MMA bout when he defeated Randy Couture at UFC 91 in 2008. He then defended the title against Frank Mir before being out for a year with diverticulitis, and he then lost the title after defending it once more. He retired from MMA in December after coming back from another bout with the disease only to lost to Alistair Overeem at UFC 141.

TEAM FABER’S Michael Chiesa became the fourth fighter to advance to the quarterfinals on “The Ultimate Fighter: Live” last week, as he defeated Jeremy Larsen via unanimous decision to advance into the tournament’s final eight.

DAvID MCkInnEy

Photo: Bellator

micHAel cHiesA becAme tHe 4tH figHter to AdvAnce to tHe quArterfinAls on “tHe ultimAte

figHter: live” lAst Week

April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 2012www.TheStageOnSixth.com

FIND US ON FACEBOOK, FOLLOW ON TWITTERAND GET #ONSTAGE WITH @THESTAGEAUSTIN

Every Night With Live Music

“The Whiskey’s on Ice and the Music’s on Fire”

UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 2012march 28, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com16

state officials trying to permanently close eight bars associated with a massive drug bust

UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 2012 17UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 2012march 28, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

ometimes you walk downtown and wonder how shitty, cliche gay bars and

theme clubs like kiss & fly, treasure island or pure could stay in business in an unforgiving town like austin. well, the answer, it turns out, is a ridiculous amount of cocaine.

INDEED, THESE PLACES are not staying in business with just the profit margin on “two-dolla you-holla” drink specials.

The FBI, in conjunction with the Austin Police Department and the Texas Alcoholic

Beverage Commission, raided Pure, Treasure Island, Kiss & Fly and Fuel. All of these bars as well as several others in Austin are owned by the Yassine family.

Hussein Ali Yassine, who also goes by Mike, his two brothers and their sister, as well as Roial General Manager Sami Derder were all arrested in the raid.

Now that the dust has settled on the raid, State officials are trying to permanently revoke the liquor licence of eight of the bars

owned by Yassine Enterprise. Beverage commission attorney John Sedberry f iled to have the licence revoked saying that the clubs “used the permitted or licensed premises in a manner that

constitutes a common nuisance.”“A common nuisance” sounds more like a

club that perpetually plays music too loud or a roommate that doesn’t do their dishes. These guys were charged with a bit more that that.

According to the FBI press release, the ten people arrested were charged with multiple counts of drug trafficking, money laundering and/or unauthorized firearms. These firearms were used for the intent of maintaining control of their cocaine ring. Nearly everyone

that was charged with drug trafficking was found with over 500 grams of cocaine.* In the last few years there have been allegations of these clubs serving to minors, not paying employees fairly, not following

TABC laws on when to stop serving or how to get rid of empty bottles.

The Yassine Enterprise is not giving comments to the press. At least not to us.

Court hearings are scheduled to start May 29.AMAnDA CHAPPEL AnD CELInE SUAREz

*500 Grams = a little over a pound

indeed, these places are not staying in business with just the profit margin on

“two-dolla you-holla” drink specials.


extremely extracurricular Activitiesclubs We sHould HAve (but don’t)

LET’S FACE IT, school clubs are boring. Just a bunch of sweaty intramural jocks and D&D groups. Boring. What a lack of imagination. Here are some clubs that we’d like to see. Sure, some of them might get you arrested, but that’s pretty much why they’re worth spending time on.

The piTy pArTy CluBBomb a test? Break up with a girlfriend? Generally feel like a giant turd? Come on down

to the Pity Party Club! Not only do we lay around in a hapless self-involved circle-jerk, expelling endless superficial issues in hopes that someone, anyone, will dry our tears and beg for sex, we also have free cookies! Please come by if you need proof that you’re not the most miserable person on the planet.

The piTA pArTy CluBIt’s like the Pity Party Club, but healthier and served with falafel.

The TrAders’ CluBAre you one of those one-time fuck-ups with a seemingly endless supply of the finest tablets a pharmacy student can excavate? Do you have more valium than any human being could possibly consume in one lifetime? At our weekly meetings (hosted behind the dumpsters by the Communications department), you’ll find plenty of hopeless sorority girls and weirdo druggies chomping at the bit to formulate a dangerous habit out of your extra

pharmaceuticals. Don’t worry, it doesn’t make you a drug dealer, just a capitalist!

The ryAn BeTori CluBAt The Ryan Betori Club, you’ll get the opportunity to spend 15 quality minutes with one of the finest male specimens in the known universe. You’ll be able to talk about love, music, alcohol, partying, literary traits employed by Vladimir Nabokov, eating, the Cleveland Indians, and why you’re a really

good person. Those exiting The Ryan Betori Club have been reported to exhibit a holy glow, as if they were Moses descending with the Ten Commandments. Warning, if you are a female there’s a more-than-70 percent chance that Ryan Betori will immediately fall in love with you.

The shAmAn CluBBored with western religion? Interested in making your parents disappointed with you? Left in an industrial, catatonic trance with the lack of magic in Texan culture? Look no further than the Shaman Club! Find your spirit animal and wash away your sins in the cynical preying hands of mystics-turned-

businessmen all too eager to make a buck off of a tradition their ancestors took far more seriously. If you’re gullible enough, you might even feel enlightened!

The uWeekly CluBDo you enjoy turning in late stories? Questionable ethics? Seedy dive-bars? Getting paid real money to make up a bunch of silly school clubs? Or giving your editor-in-chief far more grey hairs than she should have at her age? Well come on down to the UWeekly Club! Not only will you learn what it’s like to be on staff with a bunch of howler monkeys, you also might get a few free drinks!

LUkE WInkIE

UWEEKLYATX.COM

The ryAn BeTori CluB

it’s like the pity party club, but healthier and served with falafel.

April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 2012April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com20

recurring themesgAy events going on eAcH Week

THERE’S USUALLY no shortage of events that are going down on any given day in Austin. And Austin makes no exception when it comes to gay events. Now, many of us already know about the usual Tuesgays down at Barbarella and Shitty Kitty Bingo at RAIN, but are there any other fun recurring gay activities going on in Austin each week?

We’re glad you asked. Yes, yes there are. There are plenty, actually. Here’s a short list, just to name a few.

Austin Tennis ClubThis is a very active club that involves mostly gay men, although women are encouraged to attend. Many of these fellows actually play tennis so they’re, like, kinda good. You should attend only if you have an actual interest in tennis, not just the tennis player.Fridays, South Austin Tennis Center, 1000 Cumberland St. 7-9 PM

unity Church of the hillsThe metaphysical church of North Austin holds many rainbow events for its LGBTQ parish. 30 minutes before each service, the gay and lesbian youth and young adults join together and discuss the challenges and rewards of their gay spiritual journey. Every Sunday, 9905 Anderson Mill Rd. Sermons at 9:30 AM, 11:30 AM

Voodoo ChileThis one’s for all you hipsters out there. Each Sunday, everyone’s favorite gay place down on the east side, Cheer Up Charlie’s, holds a vintage vinyl dance party. Get your brightly colored lipstick and high-waisted pants ready. Every Sunday, 1104 E 6th St. 10 PM-2 AM

Thank Goodness i’m BiI f you swing both ways, play for both teams or are just an experimenting pervert, you won’t want to miss this chance to make new friends and talk about how polarized ever yone else is . Happening twice a month at Opal Divine’s on west Sixth. First and third Fridays of each month, 700 West 6th Street in Downtown Austin 7 PM

Queerdalini yogaEven though yoga’s all-inclusive, for everyone of all ages, races and genders, the people at Soma Vida wanted to make sure there was a place, just for you gays, to practice downward-facing dog. Every Thursday, 1210 Rosewood Ave. 7-8:15 PM

out youthOut Youth is an organization dedicated to helping queer youth find the support they need as they navigate such things as homophobia, social phobias and inner strife as they move towards becoming the LGBTQ people they

know themselves to be. Each Thursday, Out Youth has drop-in times for people who want to stop by, make some friends and participate in a support group. Every Thursday, 909 E. 49 1/2 St. 4:30-8:30PM

AMAnDA CHAPPEL

you sHould Attend only if you HAve An ActuAl

interest in tennis, not just tHe tennis plAyer.

April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 2012 21

celine suArez

Mass EffEct 3’s dlc Will explAin sHitty endingOK, gamers, calm down. Everyone threw such a hissy fit with the ending of Mass Effect 3 that Bioware made a DLC pack which will explain why the game ended that way. I won’t spoil anything here, since there are still gamers who choose to wait for the price to go down. If you haven’t already played the game, here’s the news: the ending makes you feel like you’ve been ripped off.

The DLC will be called Mass Effect 3: Extended Cut and isn’t technically a new ending. Bioware explains that the DLC will “give fans seeking further clarity to the ending of Mass Effect 3 deeper insights into how their personal journey concludes.” Basically, it will have a bunch of cut scenes and other epilogue stuff. This downloadable pack is meant to give gamers the closure they’ve needed while keeping the integrity of the original ending.

nintendo brings dubstep to 3dsLove it or hate it , dubstep has been on the rise lately. Online communities like reddit have def initely proven their hatred for it and have even created some pretty awesome memes (Cooking with Skrillex). A lot of dubstep music borrows from old-school video game music and Nintendo seems to have to pick up on that. On April Fool ’s Day, they launched a trailer for Nintendo Dubstep E xperience 3D, showcasing various Nintendo characters dancing to dubstep. I didn’t catch on right away, but their shitty dancing gave it away.

A few gaming journalists even commented on the lack of famous Nintendo icons like Zelda, Link, and DK. DK would be the perfect choice for popping and locking to dubstep. Can’t you imagine a big gorilla doing the robot to some repetitive, obnoxious bass? Nintendo even advertised that the game would feature famous artists like Deadmau5 and Skrillex. Well played, Nintendo. Well played.

eA nAmed Worst compAny in AmericAAccording to The Consumerist, EA is the worst company in America. They deserve it. Origins sucks, and EA deliberately holds back content in order to sell it later as expansions or DLCs. This little contest was based on internet polls, so it doesn’t hold too much credibility, but that doesn’t mean that EA has a lot of happy customers.

The poll was done in March in honor of March Madness and companies like AT&T, Verizon and Bank of America were all nominees.

EA made it down to the final two and beat out their last finalist: Bank of America. Honestly, it’s a little surprising that Bank of America wasn’t voted for the Golden Poo award. How

much do EA’s customers have to speak out before they actually change

their greedy ways? Multiple server shutdowns, Origins’

unnecessary existence, and NFL’s exclusive contract to EA makes this company detestable. It’s a shame that they’re

in charge of one of my favorite games: The

Sims. Does that mean I buy all of the ridiculous

packs like Vacation, University and Pets? Hell no. I’m not rich.

CELInE SUAREz

cAn’t you imAgine A big gorillA doing tHe robot to

some repetitive, obnoxious

bAss?

April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 201222 April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

rick sAntorum ends presidentiAl cAmpAignYesterday, presidential candidate Rick Santorum ended his campaign after a long and grueling battle to get to the top of the presidential food chain. Santorum’s campaign was not well-received in its beginnings. He started off small, only to rise against his competition because of his old-fashioned, speak-with-the-public-face-to-face strategy. And suddenly the momentum picked up; as Herman Cain, Michele Bachmann and Rick Perry began to lose their positions, Santorum began to catch up, even becoming a target on opponent Mitt Romney. Unfortunately, Santorum’s time is up, and with four candidates left, including President Barack Obama, time will only tell who’ll keep or take up the presidency.

trAnsgender model to compete in miss universe pAgeAntYou read that correctly. Jenna Talackova, born as a male in Vancouver, Canada, will be competing in this year’s Miss Universe pageant. Talackova, who

underwent a sex change four years ago, has opened the door for other transgender women, who now have the opportunity to compete in next year’s Miss Universe pageant. The issue became a topic of discussion after Miss Universe organizers in Canada disqualified Talackova for her sex change, claiming that she had to be a “naturally born” woman. After some discussion, the pageant officials took to writing a new policy that would allow transgender women to compete. As for Talackova, she has been receiving support from an array of organizations and individuals, including power mogul Donald Trump. You know you’re doing something right when Trump backs you.

rolling stones to go into studio soonThat’s right, the Stones aren’t dead yet. Recently, guitarist Ronnie Wood told the Associated Press that the group would be going into the studio later on this month “to just throw some ideas around.” “We [The Rolling Stones] want to get the feel again,” said Wood. With the group’s 50th anniversary coming up, it’s no surprise that the group wants to try out new ideas. Aside from that, Wood will also be getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame once again, as a member of The Faces. The first time Wood was inducted was in 1989 with The Rolling Stones. Even in his mid-60s, the guitarist keeps rolling on.

ELI WAtSon

April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com UWeeklyATX.com | April 11, 2012 23April 11, 2012 | UWeeklyATX.com

Photos: Eli Watson

Zeta psi’s ZeterAve W/dj tjAni



childish gambino@ stubb’s




crypto Quip sudoku

super crossword

This is a simple substitution

cipher in which each letter used

stands for an-other. If you think that X equals O, it will equal O

throughout the puzzle. Solution is accomplished by

trial and error.

believe it or not

Clue: k eQuAlS d


burgess meredithBurGess merediTh is a newer band in Austin even though they have been

rehearsing together for over two years. But guitarist/vocalist Josh king said

they are realistically a year old. While they are a somewhat young band, the

collective of musicians that form Burgess meredith are from other bands

that may sound familiar (The dalles, The lemurs, shearwater). several

of the members sat down with uWeekly to discuss their upcoming debut

release and what it was like to record it.

how did you find each other?John Vishnesky: I met Josh through a Craigslist ad.

deidre Gott: They play in The Lemurs together now. Then Jesse (Hester), our piano player, he and Josh used to play in Dallas together, right?

Josh king: Yeah. It’s been a co-writing situation in terms of every body’s collaborating, but Jesse and I have been bringing the initial ideas for it so far. We knew each other in Dallas about ten years. He actually played the first show I ever played. Jesse opened for us and then we crossed paths for a while. We met up again here in Austin, and then decided to start gigging. It’s funny because Jesse wasn’t brought in until after everyone was together. Then I was like, we really need this element in the band. So we called him up, and it became really cohesive really rapidly. That’s when the shift happened, because the very first shows we were playing were initially based off just songs that I’ve been sitting on for a really long time. Then the band became more about a collaborative effort. I’d say John, Jesse, Deidre and myself are probably the four core members. We also have Blue (Mongeon) playing bass, and Danny (Reisch) is our drummer for the most part, who also plays with the Lemurs.

dG: Blue plays in East Cameron Folkcore and The Dalles. He used to play with Bankrupt and the Borrowers. He’s been around forever. Then Danny plays with The Lemurs, and he played with Belaire for a little bit. Now he’s on tour with Shearwater. So this CD release, we actually have a different drummer playing with us. It’s Billy Potts, and he plays with The Black and White Years. And that is the full circle.

What was it like recording the album? how long have you been working on it?Jk: Some of the songs have been on the shelves for a long time and then were revamped with this current iteration of musicians. A few of them were written just as the album was towards completion. We’ve been planning

it for a long time, but we officially started in August and tracked drums at Public Hi-Fi with Danny. Danny, Brad Bell and Mitch Billeaud all helped us produce the drum sounds. Then we had Kyle Ponder actually play the drums on the record, who was our original drummer in the band, and he played with Leatherbag for awhile. He’s Mike and the Moonpies’ official drummer, and he’s a great player.

dG: It’s just so incestuous.

Jk: We really love his playing, so once we got that down, we basically went over to Danny’s studio,

(called) Good Danny’s, and began building all of the basics and getting all of the tracks laid down. It was a process of really John and I making a lot of the creative decisions, and then bringing in different elements of the band. Deidre and Jesse provide a lot of the raw talent and production elements, being able to hit really high harmonies, being able to sing some of the more difficult parts. Jesse, being able to play some more difficult musical lines, things of that nature, and John and I going in and trying to figure out what sound might be there, what instruments we may use, agonizing over what amp or guitar or keyboard, things of that nature. That seems to be the process that we went through.

JV: Luckily, we got a chance to use Danny’s studio. He’s

got a nice home studio, so we could take our time with the record and work over ideas and find the right ones to fit and not have to worry about the clock ticking. Just get in and get out.

how have you prepared for the Cd release?dG: It kinda sucks because Jesse went on tour with The Polyphonic Spree, so he’s gone right now. He’s on tour right now, and he’s not coming back until four days before our show. We’ve been practicing without him, and we’re just gonna hope for the best. It’s going be awesome. We’re going to have a good time. It’s gonna be a blast. Whatevs. We’re professionals.

Jk: We’ve basically been going over all the logistics in terms of the production for the show and who’s gonna do sound, lighting, video. Then we’ve been trying to do all the merchandise stuff. It’ll be our first time to actually have a merch booth, which will be nice. The help of a girl in town named Chase Maclaskey has done most of the art for the record, and then the merchandise has branched off from that initial design of hers. She’s helped design a lot of that as well. It’s going to be nice to have some imagery as well that we can associate with some of the music we’ve been writing. I think it suits them pretty well, kind of campy and fun and just throwback-ish.

SARAH vASqUEz

“it’s gonnA be A blAst. WHAtevs. We’re

professionAls.”

ColleCTiVe oF AusTin musiCiAns prepAres To releAse deBuT AlBum on April 14 AT hoTel VeGAs

Photo: Burgess Meredith


weirD weDnesDay: freeze bomb@ Alamo Ritz, 320 E 6thJust like seeing a doctor before beginning any exercise regimen or engaging in sexual activity, one should do the same before attending a weird Wednesday screening. This Wednesday’s screening should probably be avoided by people with heart conditions, anal bleeding, and missing funny bones as it contains content like chimps, kung fu fighting heroes and a villain named “The Pig”. The Alamo or any of its sponsors for this event will not be held responsible for any laughter-induced injuries suffered either during or after the screening.Tickets: www.originalalamo.com

►ALSo WoRtHy

real estateThe Mohawk, 912 Red River

sweatlodgeBeerland, 711 Red River

top of the Pops29th Street Ballroom, 2908 Fruth St

weekly maintenance classMellow Johnny’s Bike Shop, 400 Nueces

befriend the bearsHole in the Wall, 2538 Guadalupe

boDytronix@ Skinny’s Ballroom, 115 San JacintoWhat if robots could be funky? Not the herky, jerky animatronic ones that come alive, eat your pizza and then kill you when you are just out for a day of fun at Chuck-E-Cheese, but the nice ones, like Alpha from Power Rangers. Well, no need to keep going to Barbarella looking for a girl robot to mate with as now is your chance to witness the melding of human funk and machine as Bodytronix will play some of the funkiest disco robot jams since Bender from “Futurama” started playing slap bass.

►ALSo WoRtHy

thursday night social club (comedy)ColdTowne Theater, 4803 Airport

Devin the DudeBeauty Ballroom, 2015 E Riverside

action Pack Presents: monty Python & the holy GrailAlamo Ritz, 320 E 6th

texas burlesque festivalThe Marchesa Hall, 6406 N I-35

whiskey shiversScoot Inn, 1308 E 4th

comeDy niGht at reD 7@ Red 7, 611 E 7thYou won’t encounter any old people, two drink minimums or unfunny performers at this comedy show. This Thursday, Red 7 will put a moratorium on the mosh pits and stage diving (well, stage diving might erupt during a particular joke) and instead erect a lone microphone on stage for people to say funny things into. The show will feature Austin’s top funny (wo)men doing what they do best: making fun of you and themselves. Unfortunately, Red 7 does not allow audience members to hurl fruit at the performers. Leave it at home!

►ALSo WoRtHy

Papa Grows funkAntone’s, 213 W 5th

school of seven bellsThe Mohawk, 912 Red River

Juan of the Dead (movie)Alamo Village, 2700 W Anderson

friday truancy bike rideMellow Johnny’s, 400 Nueces

megafaunaHole in the Wall, 2538 Guadalupe

The top events & shows in Austin

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Will bAss

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AFFORDABLE ITALIAN CLOTHING

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK

2815 GUADALUPE ST

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AFFORDABLE ITALIAN CLOTHING

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2815 GUADALUPE ST

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earth Day kayak triP@ Mckinney Roughs nature Park, 1884 texas 71, SmithvilleDon’t spend your Earth Day watching re-runs of “Walker, Texas Ranger” on the Hallmark channel. Instead, pry that iPhone away from your hand for a couple of hours and show your pale skin to the outside world, outside. Better yet, touch Nature herself by heading over to McKinney Roughs Nature Park and learning how to kayak. If you do, Earth will love you and spare you from the oncoming apocalypse.

►ALSo WoRtHy

the PharcydeBeauty Ballroom, 2015 E Riverside

cumbia festFlamingo Cantina, 515 E 6th

superhero costume Part29th Street Ballroom, 2908 Fruth St

cursiveThe Mohawk, 912 Red River

’80s Dance PartyThe Highball, 1120 S Lamar

the nakeD Gun@ Alamo Ritz, 320 E 6thThis Sunday, the Alamo will pay their respects to one of the great comedy doofuses of our time, Leslie Nielsen. Like Inspector Gadget, Charlie Chaplin and The Situation, Nielsen mastered the comedy character of the clueless idiot who always manages to save the day by screwing things up as much as physically possible. Nielsen’s breakthrough was in the late-’70s movie Airplane. Nielsen went on to star in a litany of movies that engaged with the same format, but with him as the star. The Naked Gun was the first in a series rich with comedy gold. Also, a young, budding actor by the name of O.J. Simpson makes his debut in this film as Nielsen’s sidekick.

►ALSo WoRtHy

29th street yard sale29th Street Ballroom, 2908 Fruth St

mike Dillon band (les claypool, Galactic, etc.)Swan Dive, 615 Red River

Danny maloneHotel Vegas, 1500 E 6th

Party linesScoot Inn, 1308 E 4th

oh, science! (comedy)ColdTowne Theater, 4803 Airport

master Pancake mystery movie@ Alamo Drafthouse village, 2700 W AndersonEveryone loves a good Master Pancaking. However, they are a little pricey, costing over ten clams! You poor folk are in luck. The Pancakers are letting the audience in on a work in progress. For only three bucks, you can see a mystery movie that they are still writing jokes for, and that’s not funny.Tickets: www.drafthouse.com

► ALSo WoRtHy

madisonsThe Mohawk, 912 Red River

the wolf29th Street Ballroom, 2908 Fruth St

inheritance Quartet@ East Side Showroom, 1100 E 6thGypsy jazz? Yes, it involves accordions, guitars, drums and, most likely, lots of drinking and canoodling.

► ALSo WoRtHy

tittie bingoThe Highball, 1120 S Lamar

chairliftThe Mohawk, 912 Red River

art blakey: Jazz and the art of religionCactus Cafe, 2247 Guadalupe

the ginger manDO YOU DRINK BEER for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Do you enjoy having a practically unlimited selection of beers on tap while you and your friends play darts? Are you really into beer?

Well good news, dear reader, because there happens to be this place right by 3rd and Lavaca by the name of The Ginger Man that is a virtual paradise for anyone looking to enjoy an ice cold brew in a relaxed atmosphere. Sandwiched between Third and Fourth Street, The Ginger Man is located next to some shopping boutiques and restaurants if you’re looking to make a full day of your drinking exploits. So chin up, old chap, because The Ginger Man is here and he ain’t going away anytime soon.

BRIAn BoGARt

► CHUGGIn’ MonkEy219 E 6th$2 wells/domestics

► BLInD PIG317 E 6th$2.50 wells/domestics

► PLUCkERS2222 Rio grandeMother Plucker Mugs

►MooSEknUCkLE PUB406 E 6th$2 Anything

► tHE LIBRARy407 E 6th$1 Domestics, Wells $2 Import Bottles

► toUCHE417 E 6th$1 Schnapps

► CAIn AnD ABEL’S2313 Rio grande$3.50 bombs

►DARWIn’S PUB223 E 6th$2 wells/domestics from 12-9 PM

► tRUDy’S409 W 30th$4.95 Sangria ritas

► tInIESt BAR In tExAS817 W 5th$1 Bud Light and Bud

► BIkInI’S on 6tH214 E 6th$12 Beer Buckets

► FRIEnDS208 E 6th$2 vodka bombs

►MI CASA CAntInA503 E 6th$0.50 wells, $2.50 margaritas until 11 PM

► tREASURE ISLAnD413 E 6th.25¢ wells, $1 triples and kamikaze shots, $4 bombs

► tHE GInGER MAn301 LavacaService Industry Night

►DIzzy RooStER306 E 6th$2 Domestic/Wells/Jello Shots

► LAvACA StREEt BAR405 LavacaBig Beer Mondays, $6 25oz

► tRUDy’S409 W 30th$5 Mexican martinis

► RAIn on 4tH217 W 4th$1.50 Lite Beers, $2.50 Wells

►MAGGIE MAE’S323 E 6th$2 Wells

► CUAtRoS1004 24th$2 Tecates and Modelo Esp. $5 Deer and Beer

uweekly austin april 11, 2012

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