varsha rawat | january 20 2015
TRANSCRIPT
We would like to thank the following brands to have funded the making of this presentation.
This is their way of thanking their most loyal customer.
No animals (especially dogs) were harmed while making this presentation. The same can’t be said for mosquitos/humans.
In the 1990s, Professor Utonium* was invited to India to create another superwoman. * - (of the Powerpuff girls fame)
Secret lab location
…..and so commenced the onerous task of creating an Indian superwoman, somewhere in a remote location around the hilly areas of North India.
To make the superwoman ‘desi’, he added secret ingredients sourced from an “imported” store in Delhi and a stationery car-wala* from some pahadi region.
*stationery cars have always been at risk ever since.
But, Mojo Jojo, who stealthily followed the Professor to India had other plans.* He wanted the superwoman to have some other powers. So, he slipped two special ingredients into the mixture – Chemical F & Chemical D
Power F Power D
* - He has had a change of heart and is on the “good side” now. As a symbolic gesture, our superwoman’s sidekick, which incidentally is a dog is called Mojo jojo
and *drumroll*# The first superwoman created
together by man-kind and animal-kind was born.
# - ideally, one of those cacophonous Yo Yo Honey Singh songs
Byproduct/Sidekick. “Mojo Jojo”
Standard superpowers- • Invisibility • X-ray vision • Flight • Teleporting • Superhuman agility
Voohoo superpowers • Sleepception
(to dream about sleeping) • Nrityashakti
(to twist and turn and flex and bend. a gazillion times)
• Feminist magnetism ( to pull/be pulled to every feminist conversation and blow the opponents apart)
• Proprocrastination (to postpone procrastination)
• Guilt-trap (to cast an indestructible trap that is built on the victim’s guilt)
Standard weapons- • Gauntlet • Shield • Rings • Blade • Hammer
Voohoo’s weapons- • Shrill voice
(the one that breaks glasses) • Gaze of indifference
(I don’t care enough to explain this one)
• Vampir-ish Skin (night vision, anyone?)
• Snapchat recorder (temporary database of everything that’s useless)
2014 was the year when the world’s superwomen
pledged their support for women empowerment.
To find a platform, some joined international
organisations, some headed nations. Some worked for
global peace and some joined business schools.
Things superheroes(ines) do after a successful pursuit
19%
Party/Rest/Miscellaneous
39%
Get back to their human form and continue with life
42%
Track down the next pursuit
Our superwoman poses.
With her saviours Or just by herself
#Activate Snapchat recorder power
After rescuing a lazy tortoise from racing a hare
(2011)
After halting a forest stretch from being erm, deforested
(2012)
After teaching a few DU girls how to look saxxyy
(2012)
After a gruelling day of doing nothing (1992-present)
After ensuring Earth hour was followed in Delhi!
(2014)
After saving herself from the sun’s rays
(2011)
After making a retailer’s day by buying everything in store
(2013)
After saving an amateur photographer’s career
(2000-forever)
After teaching a doctor (&the world) to dance (2014)
After training students on how to make shrill voices & annoy their parents (2011)
After solving boyfriend problems (2012)
After saving a girl from drowing in a holi tub (2012)
After successfully locating the alien’s ship (December 2014)
After being appointed as the World Canine Ambassador (2010)
She’s always on the good side But, cross the vohoo line, she’ll turn into a voodoo before you can spell it
Sometimes, she uses classical weapons
Sometimes, she uses her bodily power
And when all faces, she uses her mystique or turns into her feministic avatar*
* - B
oth
are
equa
lly le
thal
VOOHOO FOR PRESIDENT
#BACHEDIN AANE WALE HAIN
So, today on her creation anniversary,
we intend to launch the
most important
campaign for 2016
• Bring the centuries old patriarchal
system down • Reservations for dogs in every
position of responsibility
If you vote me to power, I promise to • Abolish taxes on luxury bags • Introduce a 1 rupee/litre scheme
for beer • Establish minimum sleeping
requirements
#why should men pay all the bribes
YOUR SUPPORTERS
• 101 Dalmatians • Snoopy (from Peanuts) • Scooby Doo • Hypnos • Kumbhakarna • Draupadi • Andre the Giant • Johnnie Walker • Abhishek Kumar • Aman Chindalia • Avinash Unni • Dylan Fernandes • Gaurav Chauhan • Gaurav Kumar • Ishita Kayastha • Juhi Jain • Nipun Dhingra