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Overcoming Subconscious Resistances

In the presentation “Discover The #1 Reason You Failed to Beat Social Anxiety and Learn the 4 Steps To Transform Anxiety Into Rock-Solid Confidence” you learned that in order to overcome your anxiety, and become anxiety-free permanently, you need to overcome any and all subconscious resistance.

This is important, because as you know, as long as the subconscious mind –the deeper, more powerful part of the mind- is resistant, you won’t achieve permanent change.

You learned that there are 4 steps being anxiety free:

1. Change your negative perceptions about change (to make the journey safe)2. Change your perceived downsides to being anxiety-free (to make social confidence safe)3. Change your perceived upsides to staying socially anxious (to make social confidence safe) 4. Eliminate the reasons for not feeling safe socially (to make being yourself socially safe)

Of these steps, step 4 is the one that we spend most time on in the 9 actual steps of the SCS because the reason for you feeling anxious is your subconscious perceiving you not to be safe socially:

Because your subconscious mind perceives social situations as dangerous it responds by firing off its automated, built-in response to (perceived) danger: the fight, flight or freeze response. This leads to the anxiety symptoms.

And because of step 4 being most important, you throughout the social confidence system are systematically getting rid of the repetitive negative experiences, and the traumatic life experiences (S.E.E.’s) that caused you to form negative limiting beliefs, and develop social fears.

Because it’s these negative limiting beliefs and social fears that have resulted in your subconscious mind seeing social situations as “dangerous”.

So as you step-by-step overcome these negative limiting beliefs and social fears by going through the 9 actual steps in the SCS, you will automatically succeed at step 4: You are systematically eliminating the reasons for not feeling safe socially, and you are therefore on your way to achieving the end goal of being safe socially.

Why This Section On Overcoming Other Subconscious Resistances?

Because you likely run into any of the other 3 subconscious resistances:

1. Your subconscious mind believing the journey to social confidence isn’t safe2. Your subconscious mind believing there are downsides to being socially confident (and therefore believing the outcome of social confidence isn’t safe)3. Your subconscious mind believing that there are upsides to saying socially anxious (and believing these “benefits” will be lost once you achieve the outcome of social confidence; making it not safe)

And when you encounter any of these other resistances you will know it because you find yourself feeling lazy, or overwhelmed, or not focused.

You will know because you will be sabotaging your own efforts with excuses when you want to start working through the exercises of the SCS.

Quite possibly you’ll find yourself procrastinating, using any conceivable excuse (I have no time, I don’t feel like it now, I have to do my homework, I have to watch this program, I have to finish this task, I’ll do it later/tomorrow/next time, etc.) you can think of.

When this happens, you now know you are likely dealing with resistance.

These sabotage behaviors are all manifestations of your subconscious mind exercising its resistance.

And that resistance is simply a feeling, thought, or a belief that you can use EFT on and change your thoughts about and in doing so move past quite easily.

This whole “Overcoming Subconscious Resistance” section is intended to initially move you past some or all of the resistance. And then to come back to this section whenever you are procrastinating, or feel “unmotivated”.

These exercises help you past some, or all of the resistance, which makes going through the rest of the SCS easier. The less resistance you have, the easier you will go through the SCS.

Going through the actual 9 steps of the SCS however, is what’s most important. Because that’s where you get rid of the reasons for why you don’t feel safe socially. The 9 actual steps of the SCS eliminate the building blocks of your social anxiety dungeon.

So do NOT only spend all your time on getting rid of these 3 resistances in this section. Because while they help you understand that the journey to, and the destination of social confidence is safe, they just by themselves won’t get you anxiety-free.

In a moment –not now, but in just a moment once I give the instructions later down this article- you’ll first read over the list of resistances (you’ll find “LIST Of Common Resistances”) and write down the numbers of the resistances that speak to you; that you feel you’re dealing with.

And you then go to the corresponding numbers and read the suggested thought change, and use the EFT tapping to move past/reduce the resistances who’s corresponding numbers you had written down.

Once you have done this you’re ready to simply move on to PRE-Step III and after that start the actual 9 steps of the SCS.

And then as you are going through the actual steps of the SCS and you spot self-sabotage behaviors in yourself, you simply come back to this section on overcoming subconscious resistances and you eliminate the resistances that speak to you then.

Once you have moved past the resistance you go back to where you left off. It’s a back and forth between doing the actual steps of the SCS, and this section on resistance.

Once you start going through the actual steps in the SCS, I recommend spending 90% of your time on following the actual exercises recommended at each of the 9 steps of the SCS, and only spending 10% of your time on the other 3 resistances in this section.

An idea might be to spend 15-30 minutes on resistance for every 120-180 minutes (2-3 hours) you work through the actual steps of the SCS.

Unless You Feel Stuck!

When you feel stuck, you probably want to spend some more time here in this section on overcoming subconscious resistances.

How you decide on what to spend your time on is obviously up to you. The notes you find at each resistance will provide additional guidance.

Some people have more resistance than others. You decide what’s best for you.

If you feel you’re procrastinating a lot (and this can also be procrastination on getting started), or when you’re stuck, spend some more time working through the resistance. But then after that, go back to following along with the actual steps in the SCS.

The real results (becoming less anxious, more calm and confident) come from clearing S.E.E.’s, getting rid of the negative repetitive experiences from childhood and getting rid of the negative limiting beliefs and fears learned there. And this you achieve by following along with the 9 actual steps of the SCS.

This section here is just for when you feel resistant, for when you are procrastinating or for when you’re stuck.

WARNING: Do Not Use Subconscious Resistance As An Excuse!

When you catch an inner voice saying “I can’t do this, it’s because I have subconscious resistance!” realize that it’s nothing more than a clever excuse.

You can do this!

You simply uncover the resistance you are dealing with, go to the specific or unique resistance section, read the suggested thought change sequence that you find at each resistance, and then use EFT on the resistant thought by tapping on it (following the tap-alongs, or the EFT tapping scripts in this section).

A resistance is nothing more than an irrational thought or belief, and the thought change sequence along with the EFT tapping helps you to gain a more realistic thought and so overcome/weaken the resistance.

Repeat the thought sequence or EFT tap along if it benefits you (but don’t stay stuck on it).

This resistance work is cutting edge stuff that makes it easier for you to get through the SCS.

I think you already know that you’re really the one who’s in control of your thoughts and actions. And I believe you can spend 30 minutes a day on this. I know you can do this.

Don’t allow excuses. Laugh when an excuse comes up, be grateful you’re able to catch them if they do come up, Change Your Thoughts and TAP FIRST, and then do the actual exercises in the steps of the SCS anyway.

And if you ever are totally stuck, consider getting outside assistance in the form of 1 on 1 coaching. But you got this. It’s not difficult, it’s a challenge. Challenge yourself. With persistence, spending 30 min a

day on this, you will systematically get rid of the reasons for not being safe socially.

Is 30min a day worth a lifetime of social confidence to you?

The 3 Possible Resistances To Overcome

There are three possible resistances that you may run into. They are:

1. Having negative perceptions about the process of change 2. Having perceived downsides to being anxiety-free, socially confident3. Having perceived upsides to staying socially anxious

In order to overcome these 3 resistances, we change our thoughts about them and then we simply EFT tap on them.

Resistance is nothing more than a fear, a feeling, a thought, or a belief. And they’re all changeable!

By following along with the thought sequences and EFT tap-alongs, or by uncovering your unique resistance by answering some questions and following along with the EFT tapping scripts, you simply move past them, or reduce the impact they have on you.

You reduce or eliminate a fear you have, or you change a thought or belief you have from negative to positive. This is what it looks like in graphical form:

So for example, you may at some point notice yourself procrastinating. Or you may even not want to get started on the SCS. You realize you fear you’ll become overwhelmed.

As you read over the “LIST Of Common Resistances”, you find that this is a common resistance and so you go to the resistance’s corresponding number. Here you find a suggested thought change sequence that you follow along with, and you also tap along with the guided EFT audio tap along.

As you tap and change that thought/belief, you release the resistance. And you now feel less/not resistant to get started.

As you have done this you have released some of the resistance, and you go to the step of the SCS that you were working on, or was going to start on, and you work through the step.

Whenever you run into a lot of resistance again you simply come back to this section, you find the resistance you are dealing with (and if you don’t know what resistance it is, you answer the questions on unique resistance and follow the tapping script to move past it) and you move past it.

So you keep moving forward following the 9 actual steps of the SCS, and at any point you find yourself procrastinating, or you notice you feel resistant to moving forward, you come to this section, release the resistance, and then go back to the actual steps of the SCS again.

How To Use This Section On Overcoming Subconscious Resistances:

Go over the “LIST Of Common Resistances” below and only choose the resistances that speak to you. By that I mean you write down the numbers of the resistances you suspect you may have. Write down their corresponding number and then go to each of them individually and follow the change thought sequences and EFT tap along audios.

Once you are done with all of the resistances, move to PRE-Step III and after that get started with the actual steps of the SCS.

If you find yourself procrastinating as you go through the actual steps of the SCS, or you notice you have a lot of resistance, come back to this section on overcoming subconscious resistance and find which resistance speaks to you and work past it.

If you don’t know what resistance you’re dealing with, and it is not in the “LIST Of Common Resistances”, go to the “Uncover Your Unique Resistance“ section at the bottom of this article, answer the unique resistance questions and follow along with the EFT tapping scripts to move past the resistance. Then of course go back to where you left of in the actual steps of the SCS.

After every couple of days working through the actual steps of the SCS, you may want to come back to this section and see if you have any resistance.

If so, choose the resistance tap-alongs that speak to you, or answer questions to uncover unique resistance, and tap to move past your resistance. And then get back to the exercises of the actual steps of the SCS!

LIST Of Common Resistances:

1. Tap along general resistance2. I’m afraid the bad times will never end3. I’m afraid I will become overwhelmed4. I’m afraid I’m not persistent enough5. I’m afraid to lose my dream of social confidence6. Overcoming common negative limiting beliefs7. I’m afraid to change and then fall back again8. I’m afraid to leave my comfort zone9. I’m afraid I’ll have less control10. I’m afraid to lose my identity11. My SAD feels familiar to me12. I don’t know how to act as a non-anxious person13. My SAD is the only way I can get love and attention14. My social anxiety makes me superior over others15. Overcoming social anxiety is the only thing that gives meaning to my life16. I don’t want to be normal17. I don’t know what I would think about without my social anxiety18. I won’t have an excuse anymore19. I’d feel guilty when I’m anxiety-free20. Socially confident people are arrogant21. Socially confident people are superficial22. I have to do the things I said I would do there will be more pressure23. I’m afraid they will judge me negatively when I am socially confident24. I don’t deserve to get over my SAD25. I’m afraid I’ll lose my privacy26. I need to punish myself27. I don’t want to forgive –name person/people- (the people that ruined my life)28. I’m afraid that being anxiety-free will be upsetting to others, I’m afraid my relationships with X will change29. When I’m anxiety-free people will have higher expectations of me and it scares me 30. I'm afraid I still won't be liked31. I'm afraid to give up being a victim

Resistance #1: Believing The Journey To Social Confidence Isn’t Safe

To overcome this 1st subconscious resistance you want to change your negative perceptions about change (to make the journey safe):

And to do that, you can use the suggested change of thoughts along with the EFT audio tap-alongs that you will find below, or you can use the questions and tapping scripts to uncover and move past unique resistance at the bottom of this article.

Resistance #1 EFT Audio Tap-Alongs:

1. General resistance

This general resistance to change is there often for a wide variety of reasons. When you’re dealing with this, you most likely on some level are afraid to change. You might believe you’ll lose something when you change. You might believe that change will be painful. And that your life will be harder than it already is.

And those are all illusions. Even though you may not fully believe that yet, that’s OK.

The following thought sequence may be helpful for you. I start out where you may be currently at with your thinking, and I help guide your thoughts to a more realistic, positive statement regarding change:

Change is painful

Change sucks

Change is hard

Well, that’s how it’s been in the past

That’s what they tell me out there

Maybe this can be different

The information here sure seems different

I’m not told to force myself to do the things I fear

I can change from the inside of my house first

I may experience some emotional discomfort, but I can use the tapping

When something comes up and I tap I am making progress

Each time I tap I make some progress

Each time I tap I change

Change can be easy for me

Every time I change I gain a tiny bit more freedom

Every time I tap I heal some old wounds

Every time I tap I grow a bit stronger

All those tiny bits start adding up

I can change tiny bits at a time

Change can be safe for me

I don’t have to do it all at once

And as I persist and I keep learning and I keep going

My success is inevitable

As I heal wounds and grow stronger my life becomes easier

I can do this

And it can be easy for me

This change is good for me

It makes my life easier

I want to change when it is positive change

This change is positive change

I love changing for the better

2. I’m afraid the bad times will never end

When people come to me for a first session, they’ve often tried all the other therapies and strategies already. And nothing has worked. Understandably, they’re often quite pessimistic and fearful.

This may be the case for you too. And when that is the case, you may fear that the suffering will never end. This can be very demotivating. When you believe there’s no hope for you, you’re not very likely to take action.

There is hope however. Great hope, in fact.

The SCS’s exercises are very powerful when you put them to work.


I’m afraid I’m too stuck to change

Nothing ever works for me

I’m so fed up with this anxiety

I’m afraid I’ll suffer from it my whole life

And it doesn’t help that some say that I’ll always be anxious

I don’t want to always be anxious

Maybe they’re wrong

They probably haven’t heard of EFT

EFT sounds quite promising

Sebastiaan seems quite convinced this will work for me

I hope it will work for me

I’m afraid to get my hopes up though

I’ve had a lot of disappointments

But what I did in the past wasn’t using EFT in the right way

The Social Confidence System is about using EFT in the right way

I suffered for reasons

With EFT I can overcome these reasons

There may be a way out of this

Maybe I can take small steps

If I ever get stuck I can always get assistance

I can only get better from where I am

I’ve learned why I’ve had those bad times for that long

In a way, it makes sense to me why I’ve suffered this long

I want the bad times to end

I want to start feeling safe

It may take some time

But every little step I take is one step closer to safety

The bad times end when I’m back to safety

There’s only a certain amount of steps

I can take those steps

I can do it

I’m in control of the decision to act and move forward

I can decide to make the bad times end

I choose to make the bad times end by taking one small action step right now

3. I’m afraid I’ll become overwhelmed

If you think that the journey to becoming socially confident will be really hard and that it will become too much for you, that you won’t be able to deal with it, if you think you’ll become overwhelmed with how much “work” it is that you think you have to do, then there is likely resistance to getting started.

And you may throw in the towel at some point with the excuses “it’s too hard for me, this might work for others but not for me, I can’t do it” and so on.

Truth is that it will work when you keep putting in the effort, when you learn more when you get stuck (by using the troubleshooting!), and you persist.


It seems like a lot of work

I’m not sure I can keep up with it

What if I become overwhelmed?

It seems like it’s too much for me to handle

Luckily the information stays where it’s at

I can only become overwhelmed if I try to do more than I can handle


The system is divided into steps

I can choose to just do my 30 a day and then stop

I can pick up where I left off the next day

I can handle 30min a day

I can break each process down into smaller easily manageable chunks

When I work on one small chunk at a time I won’t get overwhelmed

I can do this

I choose to tackle on small chunk at a time

4. I’m afraid I’m not persistent and strong enough

If you’ve tried to overcome your anxiety in the past but you didn’t persist with the program or approach you tried (quite possibly because the approach wasn’t giving you results, or wasn’t the right approach for you) …

…if you’re afraid you’re not strong enough, or not persistent enough to permanently release your social anxiety, then there likely is resistance to getting started.

You might worry that you give up again.


I’m not sure I have what it takes

It seems like an impossible task

I don’t think I’m strong enough to go through it all

I worry I may give up

I’ve given up before on things

Maybe that was because I wasn’t seeing results

Maybe because I wasn’t seeing enough results

Or maybe I was seeing some results, and it scared me

I had my reasons for giving up

I was dealing with resistance

And I had no idea that I was dealing with it

Nor did I have a clue on how to overcome it

That’s different now

I know what resistance is

I know why it’s there

I know how to overcome it

I didn’t persist because I didn’t believe it would make a difference

Now I know that persisting will make a difference

I didn’t have a roadmap back then

I do now

All I do is follow the steps

One step at a time

Each step brings me closer to my goal

The steps are not hard

I can do it

I can take small steps at a time

And every step I take I grow stronger

The more steps I take the easier it gets

And I know where to go this time

I know I’ll persist this time because I have a roadmap and each step taken strengthens me and brings me closer to my goal

5. I’m afraid to lose my dream of social confidence and then lose all hope

You have this goal of social confidence, but you don’t really on all levels feel it’s possible for you.

You really hope it is possible.

But you’re afraid to get started and give it a serious try because you worry it might not work for you.

And you’re concerned that when it won’t work for you that it will crush your dream of one day having confidence in all social situations and so you’re afraid you’ll lose all hope.

And therefore you postpone even getting started.


I’m afraid to get started

What if it doesn’t work for me?

What if I give it my all and it doesn’t work for me?

This sounds really promising

And I worry it won’t work

Because if it doesn’t, I might lose all hope

So I rather just keep the program and know I’ll have a chance at some point in life

But maybe that’s wasting my time

I want to feel free and have peace of mind

What if it does work for me?

There’s only one way to find out

The logic behind it seems solid

I have a problem

And while my problem seems unique to me, there are millions of people worldwide with a similar problem

I’m willing to consider that some of those millions of people have found a way out the misery

There must be a solution to this problem

This could be it

I could just get started and take small steps and see what happens

I have nothing to lose

I can only improve

I can always get help if I can’t do it on my own

All I need to do is invest 30 min each day

I can do that

I want this to work for me

There are only upsides to starting this

I have nothing to lose and everything to gain

6. Overcoming common negative limiting beliefs/thoughts about possibility of change

This is an interesting one as this is likely a tap along that you want to come back to.

Believing that it’s not possible to change is your subconscious mind sabotaging you. You have the goal of being anxiety-free. Your subconscious believes you need the anxiety to keep you safe from this danger.

The subconscious doesn’t know the difference between a perceived danger such as disapproval and a real danger of wild bear approaching you. It believes the warning signal of anxiety is serving you.

And so it is resisting you making progress towards being anxiety-free by giving you thoughts like:

“It won’t work anyway, I’m wasting my time”

Which is not true. This works when you make it work. When you put in the effort.

The reality is that this stuff works when you do the exercises. So change those negative thoughts with the tap along, and use the steps of the accompanying PDF (“Changing Beliefs About Overcoming Social Anxiety”) to change them from negative the positive.

When you have thoughts like “it won’t work for me” know that this is your subconscious mind brilliantly trying to sabotage your forward motion to overcoming your anxiety because it falsely believes the anxiety is keeping you safe. After all, it believes your anxiety keeps you safe (from rejection, looking foolish, conflict, etc.).

And we all know that anxiety is not making you feel safe AT ALL when you are around others!

But the subconscious doesn’t know that. It doesn’t rationalize. It simply is a tape-player that has recorded information and runs the programs it recorded. You will be changing the tapes of that record player as you move through the system. But don’t let thoughts like that stop you. When you have these thoughts, tap on them, and change your thoughts to positive thoughts (i.e. I will make this work for me, I can do it”). The more you do that, the easier it gets.

And, as I recommend in the PDF, keep coming back to this. Keep your thoughts positive about you being able to overcome this. Persist in believing you will overcome it. It will get easier and easier as you practice those positive thoughts more and more.

7. I’m afraid to change and then fall back again

When you’ve made changes in the past that didn’t stick long-term, you may have built up fear of improving and then falling back again.

When you’ve made improvement, but you fell back after, it’s common to start losing hope. And too fear getting started and making progress, because what if you fall back again?

The disappointment was painful before, and you might be afraid to get your hopes up.

While this is all understandable, this time things are different.

Back then what you tried didn’t take into account that you were fighting your resistance. It’s to be expected to fall back when you try to power through resistance.

This time, things will be different because you will be addressing any resistance that comes up.

You’ll be working with your subconscious mind so that you have subconscious agreement with your wish of being anxiety-free.


I’m afraid I’ll make some progress but then fall back again

I probably can’t keep up with it

I can’t be consistent with it

It’s too demanding

Well in the past it was too demanding

In the past I couldn’t keep up with it and fell back

Luckily the past doesn’t equal the future

And this time I’m using a different approach

There were reasons for why I didn’t succeed last time

It was really hard and I couldn’t keep up with it

Maybe this is different

I’m willing to consider that this doesn’t have to be that hard

I can commit to 30min a day

Feeling more confident within one month is worth the 30min a day for me

And I learn about my mind and what’s going on as I go along

And as things progress and I notice resistance, I have a solution in the system

I can move past any resistance this time

In the past I had no solution other than trying harder (and feeling more resistance as a result)

Now it’s different

When I notice resistance, I have easy exercises to move past the resistance

I love knowing I can work through challenges as they come up this time


I might plateau at some point, but as I choose to keep going I keep progressing

There are solutions for whatever comes up for me

While it won’t be an instant-fix

Change can be easy for me this time

I can do this

I feel excited about moving forward today

8. I’m afraid to leave my comfort zone

I know your social anxiety makes your life hard. I know it’s painful. I know you’re missing out on a lot of things. And yet, in a strange way, it’s what you’re used to. It’s what you’re familiar with. In a way, it is your comfort zone. You know what to expect.

And leaving this comfort zone might on some level (on a subconscious level probably) be threatening.

And this is irrational. It doesn’t make any sense.

Because the changes you will be making make your life easier, make you stronger, and they comfortably expand your comfort zone.

But you might not on all levels believe that yet.


I’m afraid to leave my comfort zone

I want to change, but I also don’t want to change

What if it sucks?

What if it’s harder than it already is?

What if there are more responsibilities?

What if there are more pressures?

I’m afraid it will be more challenging

It sucks where I am, but at least I know what to expect

Leaving my comfort zone seems scary

It doesn’t feel safe

But maybe that’s just a feeling

Maybe leaving my comfort zone actually brings me more safety

Right now I definitely don’t feel safe interacting with people

Meeting people I don’t feel safe

Being in groups, or in intimate settings I don’t feel safe

My current comfort zone is not working for me

I want to feel safer

Maybe I don’t have to leave my comfort zone

Maybe I can expand my comfort zone

What if I can simply grow from inside my comfort zone

I can heal the wounds from the past and grow stronger inside

When I grow myself, my comfort zone automatically expands

All I have to do is grow myself stronger

I do that by doing these exercises for 30 min a day

I don’t have to forcefully leave my comfort zone

I can do it from the comfort of my own home

I want to expand my comfort zone easily

I love I can grow myself stronger from the comfort of my home

My comfort zone expands by itself

And as it does I grow more and more safe

I enjoy noticing my comfort zone expand effortlessly

9. I’m afraid I’ll have less control

That you’ll have less control is a fear that you on some level may have. You’re very familiar with your situation as it is now. And as you change you may worry you might lose control.

This need for control comes from painful situations in the past where you did not have control. You had “no control” and painful things happened.

From that you learned that you have to be in control in order to be safe.

Because when you have “no control” you are vulnerable to experiencing those painful experiences. And as long as you’re in control, you’re safe from that.

This is another illusion however.

By changing in the way you will be doing with the Social Confidence System you will actually gain more control. You will be eliminating the situations where you had no control. And the feeling of control on the inside will start to grow.

So you’re letting go of the reasons for not feeling in control and as a result you’ll be more in control.

And when you feel in control on the inside, you no longer feel a need to control outside circumstances to feel safe. Because you already feel safe on the inside.


I’m afraid I’ll have less control when I start making changes

I already have so little control

What if it gets worse?

What if there will be new situations I have no control over?

Now I can at least be in control over what’s happening to me

But is that really true?

How much control do I really have?

Do I feel in control of my life?

Do I feel in control of my emotions?

Or is the control I think I have merely the illusion of control?

It would be nice to feel truly in control

Some people have such effortless control of how they come across

I want that too.

Now I have to work hard at it.

It takes a lot of effort to control the way I come across

Maybe as I let go of the experiences where I felt out of control I gain more control

It makes sense that as I grow stronger I gain more control

I want to feel in control of my emotions

I want to get rid of the painful wounds from the past so I can be in control of my emotions

Now my emotions control me

And I need to work hard to try to take control of my emotions

Getting rid of past pain can only give me more control

Because I’ll be less triggered by these past negative emotions

Those old wounds can then no longer get “infected”

I won’t have to be busy protecting those wounds

I’ll get triggered by old emotions less and less

I’ll therefore have more and more emotional control

With emotional control life becomes a lot easier

I’ll be in more control as I start making these changes

I’ll be more in control of how I respond to people and situations

These changes are safe and beneficial for me

I love knowing these changes bring me more control of myself and my life

I want true control of my emotions and life

I feel comfortable knowing I’ll have more control

I’ll gain more control every step forward I take

I choose to take one step forward each day

Every step forward brings me back to being in control

Resistance #2 and #3: Believing The Outcome Of Social Confidence Isn’t Safe

To overcome this 2nd and 3d subconscious resistance you want to change your perceived downsides to being anxiety-free and change your perceived upsides to staying socially anxious (to make social confidence safe):

And to do that, you can either use the EFT audio tap-alongs described below, or use the questions and tapping scripts to uncover and move past unique resistance at the bottom of this article.

Resistance #2 and #3 EFT Audio Tap-Alongs:

10. I’m afraid to lose my identity

This is yet another big resistance that I run into a lot when coaching clients. It’s one of the most common ones and can be an intense fear for people.

The fear of losing your identity, of who you think you are, often starts to creep up when you start to make big changes.

The fact is that your identity is totally malleable. Its’ made up out of things your subconscious mind recorded, things you saw in other people, things you started to deem as more important that other things, and so on.

People I work with often on some level believe that they are their social anxiety. Rather than seeing the truth that they are a normal person with an anxiety problem, they believe they’re a “socially anxious person”.

They’ve got a lot invested in that identity. And they don’t know who they would be without the anxiety.

While the reality is that you’ll just be you without the anxiety.

You’ll be who you would have been if you had grown up without all the traumas. You’ll be that person, with the added benefit of keeping the positive lessons and insights you have gotten throughout life.

You’ll be calm and confident. Nothing more nothing less.

You’ll feel better. You’ll feel stronger.

You’ll feel more relaxed and confident.

And you’ll feel free expressing who you really are.

You’ll like the same food. Your favorite sports team will still be the same. You will still like the same books and TV shows.

Some things may change over time. But your identity won’t change much, unless you choose to change certain things about it.

So you won’t lose your identity, you will let go of the anxiety.

And you will feel good about who you are.

That’s what happens

But as long as you deal with the fear of losing your identity, you have a strong resistance holding you back. So get rid of the fear with some tapping: Easy!


I’m afraid to lose my identity

Who will I be?

I don’t know who I’ll be

I’m so used to the anxiety

It feels like the anxiety is part of me

It’s all I can remember

I’m used to it

But what if the anxiety is not who I am?

What if the real me is the person behind the anxiety?

I’m afraid I’ll lose my identity

But maybe the real me is there hiding behind the anxiety right now

And maybe I don’t always feel safe to express my identity fully

Maybe I’m only expressing the parts I feel safe to express right now

Or that I know others find acceptable

Maybe the anxiety is preventing me from expressing myself fully

Because I learned that being myself wasn’t OK, acceptable, or good enough

Maybe I won’t lose my identity, maybe I’ll feel safe expressing my identity fully once I release my anxiety

It’s a bit of a scary thought

But I don’t have to do it right now

It will happen once I’m ready for it

Once safe step at a time

I’ll only start expressing my identity fully once I feel safe doing so

I can take comfort in knowing that I don’t have to do it right now

I thought I was my anxiety

But now I know better

I am hiding behind my anxiety

The real me is eager to come out

And once it’s safe that will happen

I’ll just be me without anxiety

As I release my anxiety I feel safe being me

I won’t lose my identity when I let go of my anxiety

Rather, I’ll feel safe expressing my identity fully

Without my anxiety I’ll feel safe expressing all of myself

11. My SAD feels familiar to me

When we deal with something like social anxiety for a long time, we get used to feeling that way. Even though it’s difficult and painful, it’s at least what we know.

There’s a saying that goes “it’s better to have the shit that you know, that the shit that you don’t know”

I’m paraphrasing this haha!

But, that’s how it is.

Our subconscious want to keep things the same. Even though it’s painful.

And on top of that, emotions are very addictive chemicals. And so we grow accustomed to feeling all the negative emotions that come with being socially anxious.

What you want to get to however, is a feeling of calm confidence and you want to make that the new normal.

How much nicer of a state of being will that be to be familiar with?


I’m so used to be anxious

It feels really familiar to me

I want to stay with what’s familiar to me

It feels safe in a strange way

At least I know what to expect

No surprises here

But not much joy, peace of mind and freedom either

I quite like to have peace of mind, joy and freedom

But I don’t want to change

I rather stay with what’s familiar

What’s familiar is painful but at least I know what to expect

And maybe that’s exactly the problem

I expect things to turn out bad

I expect social situations to suck

I expect this to stay the way it is

That’s a sucky familiar to be familiar with

I want a new familiar

I want to have peace of mind

I want to have joy and freedom in my life

And I want that to be my new normal

I can get there step-by-step

I don’t have to jump there in one effort

I can grow more and more peaceful every day

I can become more and more accustomed and familiar with peace of mind every day

I can exchange the painful familiar for a peaceful familiar

I want less fear and other negative emotions

And I love I can do that slowly and steadily and safely

I want more joy and freedom

I can change my painful familiar for a peaceful familiar

I choose to take action and make peaceful my new familiar

12. I don’t know how to act as a non-anxious person

The fear and/or discomfort associated with this can be dealt with. When we’re anxious for a long time, we tend to think that not being anxious is somehow a skill.

That being socially confident is something that’s hard. Or because it’s foreign, you may assume it’ll feel foreign.

While in reality, it’s simply being who you are without your anxiety. The anxiety is preventing you from feeling your natural confidence.

Without the fears and negative limiting beliefs, you’ll simply be confident. And it will feel natural. And you’ll enjoy it


I don’t know how to act as a non-anxious person

I have no idea how that would be

I have little to no experience with being that way

I have no idea how I would act

It’s foreign to me

I’m familiar with being anxious

I don’t know how I would act when I’m confident

What if it will be really hard?

And what if it won’t?

What if it feels natural?

But I’m afraid it’ll be really tough

Socializing is really hard now

I don’t know how to act when I’m socially confident

But maybe I won’t have to act

Maybe that’s the beauty of social confidence

I won’t have to put on an act anymore

It will just happen all by itself

Even though I may not be able to imagine that right now

That’s OK

I’m open to the possibility that it can be easy

And that I’ll ease into it

And that it will be a gentle transition for me

And that it will feel start to feel natural to me quickly

While I may not believe it just yet, I have good hopes about it being effortless

I won’t have to act, I can just be

I’ll be free of fears, worries and concerns

I’ll accept all of me

And because of the confidence, socializing will be effortless

Non-anxious simply means confident

I want to trust that confidence will start feeling natural to me

I choose to trust that confidence will feel natural to me

Confidence is a natural state of being

I choose to trust that I’ll know how to BE naturally

13. My SAD is the only way I can get love and attention

Some people I’ve worked with have a life where people know about their anxiety, and these people feel sorry for them. Or at least that’s what my clients believe. They get treated in a “special” way. They may get more attention. Or more pity. Or they’re treated with extra caution.

This special way is what they don’t want to let go of, because they believe that without the anxiety they no longer get this special treatment.

So they think that this special treatment is what’s at stake.

What they don’t understand, is that without the anxiety, the will get sincere love and attention, as opposed to the pity and sympathy.

As you clear up past traumas and negative repetitive experiences, you will start to love yourself more and more. And as a result, this will become less and less of an issue.

Because once you love yourself from the inside, you no longer need to get it from the outside that desperately.

When you love yourself, you realize you are special, unique, and one of a kind. And as you feel that way, people will start to treat you that way.


Without my social anxiety I can’t get love and attention

I feel I’m not worthy of it

Now I get some sympathy and attention

I worry I may lose that

I can’t risk losing that

I’m worried I’ll lose the special treatment

It feels good when people treat me with caution

It may not be as good as real love and appreciation, but it seems like it’s the best I can get

Maybe I at some point can get real love and appreciation

On occasion I sometimes feel worthy of it, even if it’s just for the slightest moment

I like to feel that way more of the time

It’s possible that I’ll be loved more when I love myself more

I want to consider the possibility that I can get there

Maybe it’s all about loving myself

Maybe when I love myself they will love me

I’m not quite there yet and that’s OK

I’m willing to consider that once I love myself they will love me too

I then won’t need their sympathy anymore

The more I love myself the more I’m loved by others

It’s all an inside job

I can start these exercises and step-by-step start loving and accepting all of me

I’ll then get their sincere love and attention

That’s what I want

I rather have real love and appreciation that sympathy and pity

All it takes is loving and accepting myself

I want to love myself so I can get sincere love and appreciation

14. My social anxiety makes me superior over others

This is an interesting one. Thoughts such as “because I’m anxious, I think about things more, I care more about others, I’m more sensitive” may feed this illusion that one would be superior over a non-anxious person.

It comes from an insecurity of self.

Of believing you’re not good enough.

And since comparing yourself to others is painful, the mind comes up with these little tricks to make you feel better.

When I believe that I’m more X thanks to my social anxiety, I feel better.

As you do the work in the SCS you will start to realize that you’re good enough being who you are.

And you can’t lose any of the things you think you have thanks to your social anxiety.

You’re not more intelligent thanks to your social anxiety. Nor are you more sensitive. When you are intelligent and sensitive, those are core qualities you have. They are not there thanks to your anxiety.

Once you are free of your anxiety, you don’t all of a sudden turn stupid and harsh.

That’s an irrational fear. What will happen, is that you’ll be able to enjoy and make use of your intelligence and sensitivity when you are free of your anxiety.

I’m a highly sensitive person. I never thought I was because I had built such tremendous walls around myself because I got hurt so often.

Now that I’ve done my inner healing work, I LOVE that I am this sensitive. It becomes a huge asset once you do the inner work.


My social anxiety makes me superior over others

It’s makes me more sensitive, caring, compassionate

I think more and therefore I am better

When I let go of my anxiety I’ll lose my superiority

I won’t be able to relate to people deeply anymore

I’ll become superficial

I’ll become fake

Or not…

It’s possible that this is just an illusion

Maybe there’s nothing I will lose

And maybe I’m neither superior nor inferior

Maybe we’re all equal with different innate talents and abilities

Maybe there’s only things to gain as I release the burden of social anxiety

Possibly, I’ll be able to more fully express my innate talents

Because I’ll have the confidence to do so

I love knowing I won’t lose anything

And maybe I won’t feel a need to be superior anymore

Deep down I know superiority is not true confidence

I want true confidence

Which I’ll get naturally as I start healing those old wounds

I rather be truly confident than pretend to be superior

True confidence isn’t fragile as it comes from the inside

I want true confidence instead of the illusion that I’m superior

That illusion keeps me lonely

I want true confidence so I can feel safe connecting again

And I love knowing I’ll be fully able to express all of my innate talents

I choose true confidence over this perceived superiority

This superiority is an illusion, I choose to create true confidence for myself

15. Overcoming social anxiety is the only thing that gives meaning to my life

This is another deeper issue that could be keeping you stuck.

If all you are busy with is overcoming your social anxiety, then you might see that as the only thing that gives meaning to your life.

And therefore once you overcome your social anxiety, life will be meaningless.

Ouch!

That’s a scary place to be, a meaningless life. So when you believe that, you will experience resistance to moving forward (because the thing you’re moving towards to is then PAINFUL).

But it’s yet another illusion.

Life can have many meanings. It’s the meaning that you give it. And what if overcoming your social anxiety is the thing that gives your life meaning right now? What if when you overcome it you find a new meaning?

What if this social anxiety journey is only part of the overall meaning of your life that you can’t see from where you’re at now?

Personally, I made overcoming my social anxiety my main goal in life for a while. But then once I overcame most of it myself, I got a lot of meaning out of helping others on a smaller scale (1 on 1 coaching). That meaning then changed to me wanting to help more people. Out of that was the SCS born.

Now I want to help more people by speaking publically about social anxiety, EFT, and energy psychology.

And the new meaning I very recently have is around building likeminded social communities.

Things evolve as you change. And it never stops. Which is great news! Social anxiety is just one stage. Go to the next stage and you’ll find new meaning. And for now, tap on your fears around life having no meaning, and get rid of that illusion!


Overcoming my social anxiety is the only thing that gives meaning to my life

There’s nothing else that can possibly add meaning to my lifeIt’s all just meaningless

As long as I’m working to overcome this, at least I have some meaning in life

I don’t like the meaning all too much

But it’s the best that I can think of

I’m pretty sure it’ll be meaningless once I overcome this

But I’m willing to consider the possibility that there’s more to it

I’m open to the possibility that I may actually enjoy mundane things I have trouble enjoying at the moment

I might even find meaning in connecting with people

Or helping other people with my unique skills and talents (even though I may think I don’t have them)

And maybe, there will be some new meaning that I’ll uncover as move forward

Maybe I’ll enjoy things then that I now see as meaningless

I’d like to have more meaning in my life than just overcoming this challenge

And I bet there will be better stuff out there

I want to trust that a new meaning in life will find me

I choose to trust that I’ll be pleasantly surprised as I move forward

16. I don’t want to be normal

These issues fall all under the same problem. A low self-esteem. Feeling you’re not good enough.

Not unique, and not special.

Truth is, you are special. You are unique. There is no one exactly like you. Even though I don’t know you, I know this is true. There is no one person the same.

You haven’t yet owned this yet though, when you are dealing with this resistance.

And tapping along with this audio may help a little bit with shifting your perspective. The real results come from working on the section on raising your self-esteem. You’ll find out where that is –if you haven’t already- as you move through the actual steps of the SCS.


I don’t want to be normal

My social anxiety makes me unique

When I let this go I’ll just blend in and I will be nothing special

I want to be someone special

And a part of me is convinced that my social anxiety is what makes me unique

But another (small) part of knows better

That part of me knows I am unique the way I am

I want to be anxiety-free and FEEL special

It’s all about feeling

I’m special, whether I have social anxiety or not

But this social anxiety is a massive burden

I can’t relate to people

I feel like crap all the time

I have no freedom

My thoughts hunt me

I want to free myself of my anxiety

And FEEL special

My anxiety doesn’t make me unique

I am unique not matter what

Without my anxiety I’ll be able to enjoy my uniqueness to the full

I’ll feel safe sharing it with others

I want to move forward one safe step at a time

I can monitor how much better and more unique I feel as I move forward

I love knowing I’ll always be unique

17. I don’t know what I would think about without my social anxiety

Here’s a hint: You will think about the things you WANT, instead of all the things you don’t want.

Anxious thoughts often involve this type of thinking:

“What if …. –fill in disastrous circumstance-““What if …. –fill in negative expectation-““I hate/judge X “

And when you’re free of your anxiety, you’ll have positive expectations most of the time.

You’ll have more thoughts like:

“I look forward to X”“Wouldn’t it be nice if Y”“I appreciate/I’m grateful for Z”

And most of this happens on its own as you start moving through the system and you start making positive changes. And to give this supportive thinking a push, you’ll find exercises near the end of the SCS.


I don’t know what I would think about without my social anxiety

Now it dominates my thinking

I have no clue what I would think about

But luckily I don’t have to know it

I don’t have to plan what I will start thinking about in the future!

It will just happen

No need for me to push it

I don’t like the thoughts I have today

I want more supportive thoughts

And I’m willing to consider that as I let go of the old pain from my past

That I’ll have less pain to be thinking about

Less pain to worry about

And I may just think about more positive things

I may think more supportive thoughts

But I don’t have to know that right now

All I get to do is take comfortable steps forward

And let the change happen easily and effortlessly

I choose to be curious about how good it will feel to think those thoughts

I don’t know exactly what I’ll think about

But I don’t have to know

I choose to make positive changes today and let my thoughts change naturally

18. I won’t have an excuse anymore

When client have this resistance, it is often thoughts like “I can’t let go of my social anxiety cause then I don’t have an excuse anymore for…

Not being perfect My life not working Not being as successful as I think I should be Not being popular Not being liked Etc.

Or thoughts like “I can’t let it go cause then I won’t have an excuse anymore and I really have to do those things I said I would do”.

The illusion is that social anxiety serves as a good excuse that they lose when they’re letting go of their social anxiety. While they in fact only need the excuse in the first place because they have social anxiety!


I’m afraid to lose my excuse

I need my social anxiety as an excuse

Without it I don’t have an excuse for my life not working

Now at least I have a reason for why I’m not successful/attractive/liked/popular/etc

And I need that reason

Without my social anxiety I might still not be able to be successful/get a relationship/be liked/etc

So I don’t want to let it go

My social anxiety is really working for me

No it’s not

But in a strange way, I’m afraid to be confident

I’ll have to do all these things I said I would do

And what if I’m still not –fill in the blank-

I need my social anxietyI’m afraid to lose my excuse

But what if I only need this excuse BECAUSE of my social anxiety?

What if without my anxiety I will LOVE doing those sings I’m scared to do now?

I’m only scared to do them BECAUSE OF MY SOCIAL ANXIETY

Without my social anxiety I’ll enjoy those things I want to do

And the confidence will help me get what I want

The confidence naturally makes me more attractive

I only think I need this excuse because I’m looking at the future through the lens of anxiety

If I were to look at it from effortless confidence I wouldn’t even WANT an excuse!

And if I want an excuse, I’ll be able to say no with confidence

Confidence is really the solution to all my excuses

I love knowing that when I’m confident I won’t WANT an excuse

19. I’d feel guilty when I’m anxiety-free

This is a resistance that sometimes comes up when people believe that it’s not fair if they become socially confident and others close to them don’t enjoy it.

It’s an attitude of “I’ll keep suffering cause I’d feel bad for you if I felt good about myself.”

“I’ll stay unhappy and play it small to not upset you”

While this is of course positively intended, as all our behavior is (even though it’s difficult to understand at times), it’s a detrimental attitude to have. And not helpful to the other people involved.

What if you could change and they’re inspired by you?

When guilt is a problem for you in general, the biggest changes in this area likely come when you have dealt with your feelings of guilt first (you’ll automatically do so as you move through the steps of the system), but nonetheless I recommend already doing the thought sequence and tapping to start loosening up your perspective around this resistance.


I’d feel guilty if I were free of my social anxiety

It’s not fair for others if I am socially confident -especially not for X person-

I better stay socially anxious

I don’t want to upset them

It would not be fair to -X-

I’d feel so guilty

It’s best I stay where I’m at

I really don’t deserve to be socially confident

That would make me better than them

I don’t want to be better than them

I’m sure it would upset them

Well, I don’t know 100%

I think they probably will be upset by it

But it may just get them curious when I make a significant change

It might just inspire them

I may even be able to help them out

So we can all feel better and enjoy confidence

But I don’t deserve confidence

Well maybe I do

Maybe everyone does

Maybe confidence only seems like a big deal to me because I haven’t had it for a long time

Or ever…

But maybe it’s my natural state of mind

Even though it doesn’t feel like that

Maybe I can work myself to confidence and it will feel normal

Maybe I’ll just feel better and I’ll be happier and more relaxed

Maybe that won’t be such a threat to them

It might just inspire others

And maybe that’s something I can feel proud of, rather than guilty

I choose to feel proud of moving forward, rather than guilty

I choose to do what’s best for me cause I’m tired of the lack of freedom, tormenting thoughts, and fears all the timeI choose to free myself and hope it will inspire them

It’s better to get out of the misery and try to inspire than all stay stuck in the misery

I choose to lead by example in a SAFE way

I choose to feel proud about becoming anxiety free

20. Socially confident people are arrogant

If you don’t like socially confident people because they are arrogant… And you’re working to become socially confident…

Then that means you’re working to become something you DO NOT LIKE! And that’s of course not something that is safe and beneficial for you. And so there is resistance.

You want to change your thoughts about this. Fact is that there are indeed some people that feel socially safe who act arrogant. That is true.

But it’s not true that being socially safe makes one arrogant.

Not at all.

When you feel socially safe, you will simply be your true self.

Plus, people that are arrogant are overcompensating for a lower self-esteem (something you will take care of by moving through the steps in the system)

Even though some arrogant people feel safe socially, that doesn’t mean they’re truly happy and confident.

What’s most important to realize, is that you can be “socially confident” in the way YOU choose to be.

I know plenty of socially confident people that are introverts. And I know humble extroverts. It’s all up to you. You will be who you really are.

And like I said, if you are dealing with arrogance now, some of that will be cleared up by doing the exercises in the SCS


Socially confident people are arrogant

I see it time and time again

But maybe I’m judging them and they’re not truly arrogant

Maybe I just perceive them to be that way

Or not…

I’m sure not every single socially at ease person in the world is arrogant though

There do exist people that are confident socially that are nice and humble

Maybe, possibly, a lot more than I have noticed up until now

I know how I don’t want to be

I know how I do want to be

I can choose how I want to be

This is within my control

I never lose control over who I decide to be

These tools and techniques I’m learning do the opposite

They give me more control over who I choose to be

I choose to be socially confident in a (humble) way

I choose to just be myself

No big deal, just feeling good about myself, and safe

I choose to be socially confident in the way I choose to be

21. Socially confident people are superficial

This is kind of the same story as the previous resistance. If there is something you don’t like about who you’re trying to become there will be resistance.

So you want to see this for the truth that it is and move past the resistance.

While some confident people indeed act more superficial than others, social confidence doesn’t equal superficiality.

It all depends on what people you choose to hang out with.

Sure there are people that feel safe socially that may act superficial.

But it’s not confidence that makes one act superficial!

You won’t become superficial by letting go of your social anxiety.

You simply become free being who you really are.

If you are a deep and intellectual person, then you will be that person, without anxiety. And, you will enjoy expressing those parts of yourself with others more without the anxiety.


Socially confident people are superficial

They always talk this standard fake nonsense

I don’t care for small talk

I want to have deep conversations

I don’t want to become superficial like that

I rather stay anxious

But maybe I can have both

Wouldn’t it be nice if I could enjoy confidence AND have deep conversations?

What if it’s not the confidence that makes them superficial?

What if I can be socially confident and enjoy my sensitivity, depth and intelligence even more?

And when I feel that good

I’m willing to consider the remote possibility

That at some point…

I may just like the energy exchange of small talk

Maybe small talk is what leads into deep talk

Or not, it’s all good

I can choose to be who I want to be no matter what

Not all socially confident people are superficial

I choose to be socially confident in the way I choose to be

22. I have to do the things I said I would do there will be more pressure

This resistance is in a way similar to the one around losing your excuse. Likely, you have all these things that you want to do once you are free of anxiety. Maybe you want to travel, find a new job, start dating, start a new hobby or pick up an old one, start a new school and so on.

And when you think about that you’ll think there will be so much more pressure. And you believe –on some level- that you can’t handle it. You believe that it will be a lot of pressure to deal with.

Keep in mind that this is because you’re looking at these things through the lens of social anxiety. Once you’re no longer anxious, you’ll LOVE doing those things!


When I’m anxiety-free I’ll have to do all these things that I said I would do and there will be so much more pressure!

I don’t think I can handle that

It exhausts me even thinking about it

I can’t deal with all that pressure

I can hardly all my present-day pressures!

But maybe I’m forgetting something

These things seem like pressure to me now

Because I’m looking at them from where I’m currently at

I’m looking at them from an anxious point of view

When I am anxiety-free I won’t have that problem anymore

When I’m anxiety-free I’ll love doing those things

If I had to do those things now it would be a ton of pressure

But that’s because of the anxiety

Without anxiety I’ll love doing those things

Even though I can’t fully grasp that just yet

I’m open to the possibility that once I’m anxiety-free it will be fun and easy

When I’m anxiety-free there will be a lot LESS pressure

I feel so much pressure now because of my anxiety

I can’t wait to shed it and release the pressure

I love knowing that when I’m anxiety-free there will be a lot LESS pressure

23. I’m afraid they will judge me negatively when I am socially confident

When you believe that people will judge you negatively when you are socially confident, you are right. But when you believe that people judge you negatively when you are socially anxious, you are right too.

It’s just what happens. Some people judge you negatively, some people won’t.

I personally think that people judge me a lot less negatively now that I’m socially at ease. But the most important shift I have made –which you will make as well as you go through the system- is that I’m OK with however they judge me.

They have permission to judge me any which way they want. It is outside my control. It’s their business what they do in their mind. It’s my business what I do in my mind. And what I think of myself is 1000 times more important than what others think of me. I’m unaffected by the good or bad opinion of others.

That’s a powerful place to come from. That means absolute freedom. And with persistence, you can get yourself there too.


I’m afraid they will judge me negatively when I am socially confident

What if they judge me more than they already do now

I can’t really know that

I can’t predict the future

While I’m convinced I can read other people’s minds, I’m willing to consider it’s not 100% accurate

And I surely can’t know with certainty how people will respond to me once I’m confident socially

And maybe I don’t have to know

I’m afraid they will judge me

But what if they judge me regardless?

Whether I’m anxious or confident, people judge

Now I really fear people’s judgment

It’s a big part of my social anxiety

Good thing is that this fear of judgment will be gone once I’m socially confident

Yes they might judge me

They probably will

But I will be OK with it

I’ll be indifferent to it

I won’t respond to it any longer in the way I do now

Now it means a lot to me when others don’t like or disapprove of me

When I’m confident I’ll be able to calmly deal with it

Negative judgment will be accepted

It will hardly show up on my radar

I’ll be able to see it for what it is: their problem and not mine

I can’t wait to have that freedom

I can’t wait to be free of the fear of judgment

24. I don’t deserve to get over my SAD

This is a resistance for which you will likely only get permanent total results once you have done some of the deeper inner work. Particularly around shame, guilt, and other self-worth work.

Which you all do as you move through the steps of the system.

It is usually tied to the idea that you have to punish yourself for the bad things you have done and you don’t deserve to be free of this pain. It’s an idea of “this is my punishment for being bad”.

Or sometimes, it can be something like “social confidence is such a superior state of being, I’m not worthy of that”.

Which is totally irrational. Because confidence is not this big hyped up thing. It’s liking, loving and accepting yourself. Something we all do at the core of our being. But the experiences that happened to us in life and the beliefs and fears formed from them cause us to not have access to that love and acceptance.

The SCS will help you release and let that go.


I don’t deserve to get over my social anxiety

I’ve done all these horrible things

I’m a totally imperfect person

I can’t believe how imperfect I am!

I’ve done such bad things

I really regret those things I’ve did

And I should be punished for that

I deserve to be punished for it

I don’t deserve to feel good after what I’ve done

I’m such a bad personI should be punished for life

There’s no hope for me ever being happy

Cause I don’t deserve that confidence

I did all these horrible things

And I can’t believe I’ll ever feel deserving of social confidence

But maybe what I did doesn’t define me

I wasn’t very happy when I did those things

If I were totally happy, confident and joyful at those moments I wouldn’t have done what I did or said what I did

I probably wouldn’t have been in those situations in the first place

Maybe I’m not my behavior

Maybe there’s more to me than just the actions I have taken in the past

Maybe the past doesn’t equal the future

I can change and behave as a better person

Being happy and confident likely makes me behave better

Those harmful actions came out of pain

I want to feel better about myself so I can be better to others

The more I love myself the more I’m able to love others

Maybe all people deserve to be confident

I am a person…

Maybe I can start feeling deserving of confidence

So I can start feeling happyAnd maybe find clever ways to make amends for the bad behavior of the past

I want to start feeling deserving of confidence so I can be the best version of me

25. I’m afraid I’ll lose my privacy

I’ve only ran into this once or twice, and this can be turned around really quickly.

Because you can have all the privacy you want. It’s really up to you. You can say no to invites. And you can choose to go for the things you want. It’s YOUR privacy


I’m afraid I’ll lose my privacy

What if I’ll have to go out all the time and socialize

What if I can’t say no anymore?

And what if I can?

But my life will be so busy

I won’t have private time anymore

But maybe that’s not true

Maybe I can design my life in the way I choose

Because of my confidence I’ll be able to communicate my wishes and desires

I can say no in a compassionate and honest way

I love knowing I’ll have the confidence to say no

And do what’s best for me

I can decide for myself the amount and quality of privacy I want to for myself

Social confidence gives me more control of my privacy

26. I need to punish myself

This resistance is similar to the resistance on not feeling deserving. And the same thing goes as for that one; the deeper inner work is important to do in order to get this properly dealt with.

Punishing yourself makes absolutely no sense.

It usually comes from the idea “if I beat myself up hard enough, I’ll do it differently next time”

And what that thought actually ends up doing is putting heaps of pressure on you which causes you to mess up even more.

It’s a habit of thought, likely picked up in early childhood. It’s often one of the parent’s voices.

I punished myself big time. I talked myself down to motivate myself to do better. But that doesn’t work. And brings you the opposite result. As a result of punishing yourself you feel more crappy about yourself.

It costs you confidence. And the less confidence you have, the more challenging everything becomes. The more confidence you have, the easier things become.

EFFORTLESS confidence is what I suggest you set yourself as a goal. And trust me, when you are at that place you’ll achieve things with ease. And you’ll get much more success when you’re loving and accepting yourself than when you’re punishing yourself.

So let it go!


I need to punish myself

No I don’t

Yes I do!

No I don’t

But without it I’ll just keep repeating all those messed up behaviors

I must punish myself out of it

I must be really harsh with myself

It’s really working for me in my life!

Punishing myself really makes me successful

Look at my life, punishing myself clearly works!

Thanks to my self-punishment my life is such a party!

No it’s not…

But I can’t let it go

I can’t let it go now

Yes I can

But I don’t want to

Yes I do

No I don’t, it’s serving me

My life is such a joyful adventure!

No it’s not

But without punishing myself it would be even worse

But maybe that’s not true

I’m willing to consider that without punishing myself I’d feel better about myself

I’d feel more confident

And when I feel more confidence I can be more successful

In a safe way

I wonder what would happen if I started encouraging myself

Instead of beating myself up

I’d feel better

And more confident

I’m open to giving it a try

It may be good for me and others when I feel better about myself

I want to feel better about myself

I love that I can do these exercises in this system which will help me with that

It’s good for me and for the people around me

I can start now by making a decision to start encouraging myself

Even just a little bit


I can take small steps at a time

I want to start encouraging myself instead of punishing myself

Whenever I notice myself punishing myself I can catch myself in the act

And remind myself that I can change those thoughts

And start encouraging myself instead

I can do that

One step at a time

I choose to encourage myself instead of punishing myself

27. I don’t want to forgive -X- (the people that ruined my life)

This is another exercise that is more powerful to do once you’ve done more of the deeper work that you do automatically as you go through the steps of the SCS. This is also an exercise I recommend you come back to after you’ve gone over most of the steps of the SCS so you can get rid of all the grudges you might hold regarding other people. This way they won’t push your buttons anymore.

But I wanted to give you a suggested mindset change here already, as that new awareness will make things easier for you.

I’ve at times ran into clients that have been brought down a lot –often by their parents- and now have an attitude of “they don’t deserve for me to feel good”, Or “I’ll punish him by staying unhappy, that’ll teach him!”.

And in reality, this of course only hurts yourself. Holding on to pain to punish someone else is like drinking poison and hoping they die. It’s just not smart and keeps you stuck.


I don’t want to forgive -X- (say out loud name person/people)

He/she doesn’t deserve to be forgiven

I refuse to forgive X

I’m not going to let go of my anxiety cause X messed me up

And X will have to deal with the consequences of his/her actions

If I overcome this and am happy he wins

What if he thinks he/she actually did a good job?

Never!

X doesn’t deserve for me to be happy

I’ll punish X by staying messed up

That will teach X

And this attitude is so working for MY life

My life is just great as a result of it

No it’s not

But I don’t want to change it

Not if it means X is getting away with it

I have to keep reliving the past

I can’t make a decision for myself right now to change

Well I could

But I rather keep living in the past

Not true, but I can’t let it go

Actually I can, but I have chosen not to up until now

Because I don’t want X to get away with what he has done to me

So I have chosen to stay in victim mode

In a way, I’m still being controlled

I still have no control

Not changing and staying stuck is not what I truly want

So I’m still being controlled on some level

I’m still chained up

And I’m done with that

I want to feel good and confident

What if that doesn’t mean that X gets away with it?

What if it means that I’m finally taking control of my own life?

What if that means I’m finally choosing for myself?

What if that means I’m choosing a happy future over staying stuck in the past?

What if that means I’m freeing myself finally?

I don’t need to forgive X but I do want to move forward

I choose to move towards feeling good and confident for my sake

Rather than stay stuck in the past

I choose to make myself feel confident and happy for MY SAKE

28. I’m afraid that being anxiety-free will be upsetting to others, I’m afraid my relationship with X will change

This is an exercise that I suggest you do now and then also come back to after you have dealt with some of the deeper work of the SCS. Because you might fear you will get some negative reactions from people. And this fear is a lot easier to address when you have already raised your confidence and self-esteem by having gone through the actual steps of the SCS.

In this step you will find a PDF with instructions on how to tune into fears about other people’s reactions, and then tap to neutralize your emotional reaction to that.

Powerful stuff. You want to get yourself to an emotionally neutral place about how others will react about your change. Keep in mind that there is NO REAL downside to you being happy and confident.

In the long run, your happiness is always what’s best for you and everyone else.


I’m afraid that me being anxiety-free will be upsetting to others

What if X doesn’t like it?

What if X has a problem with it?

Well, what if that’s their problem?

I want to live my life for me

It’s better if I grow my confidence and happiness than that I keep small

Staying small and miserable is not helping anyone

I want to be effortlessly confident

What if they won’t have a problem with it?

What if it inspires them?

What if they appreciate it?

I want to expect people to appreciate my positive change

If they really care about me they will want positive change for me

I choose to expect the best

I choose to expect people to want positive change for me

29. When I’m anxiety-free people will have higher expectations of me and it scares me

And this is yet another exercise that will be a lot easier to do once you have done some of the deeper work by going through the actual steps of the SCS because doing that will raise your confidence and self-esteem. And this higher confidence and self-esteem automatically makes you more calmly deal with high expectations.

AND…


I’m afraid they’ll have higher expectations of me

What if there will be more pressure

I hate pressure

What if I can’t deal with it?

I don’t want more pressure

But what if I can simply say no to them?

What if I’ll have the confidence to say no to their expectations?

And what if I’m only afraid of higher expectations now cause I’m looking at them from the lens of social anxiety?

What if I actually love the challenge once I have the confidence to go for it?

Wouldn’t it be nice if my whole perspective changes as I my confidence level rises

It’d be really nice to feel confident about expectations

What if I only have a problem with expectations now BECAUSE I have low confidence?

What if I’ll easily deal with expectations once I have the confidence to go for what I want

And what if I’ll enjoy the challenge if I decide to want to live up to those expectations?

Wouldn’t it be nice if it is all a lot easier than I expect it will be right now?I choose to know I’ll calmly deal with expectations once I am confident socially

30. I'm afraid I still won't be liked

When you’re dealing with this fear I’m sure you’ve encountered many situations and people that didn’t like you. Therefore this exercise is one that will be a lot easier to go through once you’ve been doing the deeper healing work you do by going through the actual steps of the SCS as there you will heal all that old pain.

Fact is that the outside world is a reflection of how you feel about yourself. If you have had a lot of experiences where people don’t like you they’re merely reflecting how you feel about yourself on a deep level.

In other words, while this might sound offensive to you, and you might very well disregard it as true… You must not like and love yourself all that much. And that’s because of stuff that has happened to you. Most often that comes from the early relationship with mom and dad or sibling/s.

This you will change once you go through the SCS. And once you truly like yourself, other people start reflecting that back to you.

Once you like yourself fully, people will like you too. Automatically.

But until then…

… the following thought sequence may be helpful for you. I start out where you may be currently at with your thinking, and I help guide your thoughts to a more realistic, positive statement regarding change:

I’m afraid I still won’t be liked

They already don’t like me now

What if they won’t like the real me?

Now I kinda hope they don’t like me because I’m anxious and uncomfortable

And that they’ll like me once I’m anxiety-free

But what if I change and I’m confident and I’m still not liked?

What I change and they won’t like the non-anxious me either?

I’m afraid I still won’t be liked

But maybe they will

It would be nice if they would like me

But I don’t really believe it’s possible

Well I do believe it’s possible

But I’m still a little scared they still won’t like me

Maybe I haven’t truly on all levels liked myself yet

And people have just reflected that back to me

Maybe once I like myself people will start liking me too

I want to start liking myself on all levels

Luckily the SCS helps me with that once simple step at a time

It’s possible they will like me

I’m willing to believe they will like me

I choose to expect them to like me once I like myself

31. I'm afraid to give up being a victim

When people feel they are a victim, this is often because they have been out of control and have experienced a lot of pain for a very long time. Therefore this exercise is most powerful after having healed that emotional pain –which you do by going through the steps of the SCS-.

BUT…


I’m afraid to give up being a victim

I really am at the mercy of my situation

I have no control

Well, I have a tiny bit of control

But I don’t want to get any more control

Then I will have to be responsible

And I can’t handle that

Others have to take care of me

I can’t handle myself

Well, maybe I can but I haven’t been doing so well in the past

But that can change

But I don’t want that

I can’t handle things myself

Yes I can

It’s been overwhelming in the past

But as I change and grow stronger

I’ll be able to handle the things that come my way

I’m not a victim, I’m a survivor

I choose to see myself as a strong survivor

And I choose to work out all the pain from my past one safe and easy step at a time

I can do this

And as I do this I grow stronger and stronger

I want to grow stronger and stronger

The stronger I am the easier I handle challenges life will inevitably throw me

I choose to take action and grow stronger one safe and easy step each day

I can do this

I choose to take control right now

I am a strong survivor and I can do it

Uncovering Your Unique Resistance

Below you find the 16 questions to uncover any unique resistance you might have. Take your time for each and every question below and write down your answer. The resistance usually comes in the form of a fear or a limiting negative belief.

I give an example of a limiting negative belief or fear for each question. Keep in mind that the examples Igive might either sound ridiculous to you or they might sound true to you.

Please know that for other people this is their truth. If the answers sound true to you, then realize that ALL the answers I have given are limiting beliefs or fears. None of them serve you if you have them. And luckily we can always get rid of a fear or replace a limiting belief with a positive belief.

And we can do this rather easily ☺

Now as you go through the below questions, allow yourself to be negative. I want you to be totally honest with yourself. It’s OK to be negative in this exercise to get to the limiting negative beliefs and fears that might be responsible for the resistance.

Really think about each question. Ponder it. Do what you need to do to come up with the answer. Repeat the question to yourself multiple times. Let it sink in and really, really think about what it might be.

Take some time for every question. Do NOT rush things as this is important. If you have really given it your best and after 2 minutes you still don’t have any answer whatsoever, then maybe there indeed is no answer. Just make sure you take the time you need because often when I ask my clients a question like the ones below for the first time, they don’t have an answer…

… but after I keep asking them the question for a while they all of a sudden come up with an answer. So if you don’t have an answer at first, think again.

Also, for some question you might indeed not have an answer at all. But for another question you might have multiple answers. Treat all of them using the EFT tapping script and get the resistance as low as possible. If you can’t get it down all the way, don’t worry about as that will be dealt with in some of the final steps of the SCS. Just get the uncovered fears and beliefs as low as possible so that you minimize the resistance.

The Questions:

1. What is the downside to letting go of my social anxiety completely?

For extra help use the below sentence:

When I let go of my social anxiety completely then X will happen or Y will be scary or Z will be problematic.

Example: When I am socially confident I will be in the spotlight constantly. And it is scary to be in the spotlight.

2. What would I have to do that I don’t want to do when I am socially confident?

Really visualize yourself being socially confident. Now think and ask yourself the question.

Example: I would have to get a full time job that I don’t like.

3. What do I NOT like about socially confident people?

(if you don‘t like socially confident people, your subconscious mind will never make you be socially confident)

Example: Socially confident people are arrogant.

4. What is the upside to staying socially anxious?

Think of the benefits you have now that you are socially anxious.

Example: I keep having a lot of time for myself. And when I’m socially confident I won’t have any time for myself anymore.

5. What positive thing do I have in my life because I have this challenge with social anxiety?

This might sounds harsh, but really stop to think about this one...

Example: My social anxiety gives me sympathy and attention.6. Why do I not deserve to be anxiety-free/socially confident?

Example: Because I’m not attractive enough.

7. What is not safe about being socially confident?

Really visualize yourself socially confident. Think about how your life will be. Then ask yourself the question and see what isn’t safe for you.

Example: If I am socially confident I’ll get into arguments. I’m afraid of arguments.

8. What would I have to do tomorrow if I were to solve my social anxiety completely today?

Example: I’d have to follow my dreams. I’m afraid I’ll fail if I follow my dream.

9. Why do I think I have not been able to solve my social anxiety disorder yet? What is my main reason?

Example: Because I’m a tough case.

10. Who will I be when I am socially confident?

Think about how you do NOT want to be. Do you think it’s inevitable that you become a certain way when you are socially confident?

Example: I’ll be a popular person who talks to everyone and I won’t have deep conversations anymore when I’m socially confident

11. Who would not want me to get over my social anxiety?

Maybe someone would feel threatened if you overcame this problem.

Example: Jenny/Jesse would be jealous of me and I’m afraid it’ll ruin our friendship.

12. What happened last time you were socially confident?

If you never were socially confident, skip this question. But don’t automatically skip it, think first. Sometimes there have been times where we felt socially confident for a short time for some reason, and something emotionally painful happened)

If you for example the last time you were socially confident you were ridiculed, your subconscious does not want you to experience that again.

Example: I’m afraid I’ll get ridiculed again

13. Why do you not want to get over your social anxiety?

Really ask yourself this question. Why do I not want to be anxiety free? Why would I not want to be socially confident?

Example: I’ll have to start dating and I’m afraid of that

14. What will be problematic or scary for me once I get over my social anxiety/when I am socially confident?

Example: I’ll have to be responsible and that scares me

15. What negative judgment do I fear getting once I am anxiety-free/socially confident?

Example: I’m afraid they will ask me why I now talk so often

16. What might I lose or have to give up when I lose my social anxiety?

People are often concerned they might lose things once they change. It might be colleagues, a salary received in some way or a certain amount, some form of security, known routines, excuses, certain weekend activities, etc.

Example: If I am socially anxious I will lose my online social anxiety friends

By looking at the answers you have given to the above 16 questions you will find the limiting beliefs and fears you have about overcoming your social anxiety.

When what you have uncovered is a fear, use the tap along script you find at the bottom of this article.

When what you have uncovered is a belief, challenge it in the way I suggest below, and then use one of the “Negative Limiting Beliefs” videos in the SCS.

Note: Don’t keep tapping on uncovered beliefs. Do one, or maybe two videos to get the belief as low as you can, and then move forward. The exercises in the SCS will deal with the more deeply ingrained beliefs that you can’t completely let go of

Challenging Limiting Negative Beliefs To Get To A Positive Belief

Below I have written down all the limiting beliefs I have given in the examples. I am now going to show you how to challenge your own limiting negative beliefs, see them in a different light, reframe them, think differently about them and then and come up with a positive belief to install instead:

1. When I am socially confident I will be in the spotlight constantly.

Is this really true? Or will I maybe have the opportunity to NOT be in the spotlight if I choose to? Could it be possible that I will only be in the spotlight if I desire to be? I don’t lose my free will when I’m socially confident, do I? Is it maybe even more likely that I will make my own decisions to be in the spotlight or not in the spotlight because I will have the confidence to do whatever I want without fearing rejection? And what if I won’t mind anyway because I have the confidence?!

New positive belief: I choose to know that I can handle the spotlight when I am socially confident

2. I would have to get a full time job that I don’t like.

Really? How sure am I of that? Have I considered that once I’m socially confident I won’t fear interviews anymore and therefore can comfortably apply for more jobs? And since I won’t take a rejectionpersonally any longer when they do not hire me for a job, don’t I have much more opportunities? Isn’t there any job I would normally be too anxious for that is possible for me once I‘m free of my social anxiety? Could it be possible that I would actually enjoy a job that I would normally dread since I will feel at ease socializing with my colleagues? Maybe I can even take a part time job until I find what I do want?

New positive belief: I choose to know that I can easily find a job that I enjoy once I am socially confident

3. Socially confident people are arrogant.

Is that a universal truth or is that my truth? Are they really arrogant or do I just perceive them to be arrogant? Could it be that my own insecurities make them appear arrogant? And if I’m convinced they are arrogant, maybe they indeed are. But hey, when someone is arrogant, aren’t they insecure deep down inside? Aren’t arrogant people trying to overcompensate their lack of confidence? So maybe people that are truly socially confident are not arrogant since they have true confidence and a lack of insecurities? What if I can be myself, really be me, just without all the anxiety?

New positive belief: I choose to be socially confident in my own unique way

4. When I’m socially confident I won’t have any time for myself anymore.

Why do I think this? Have I considered that when I’m socially confident I can respectfully tell people “no” without feeling tons of anxiety about it? What makes me think socially confident people have to attend parties all the time? Maybe I will actually keep my free will and will be better at speaking my mind and choosing what I truly feel like doing once I‘m free of my social anxiety! Maybe I keep the same life as I have now, but I’ll be confident where I formerly was anxious. If I like reading,

New positive belief: I choose to know that I can comfortably make time for myself whenever I want to when I am socially confident

5. My social anxiety gives me sympathy and attention.

This might be true. But is it really the attention that I want? Do I really want to have sympathy and attention because I have social anxiety, or do I rather get it because I’m being myself? If I can be myself socially without any fears, won’t I get much more authentic attention?

New positive belief: I choose to know I will get all the sincere attention that I want when I’m socially confident

6. I don’t deserve to be socially confident because I’m not attractive enough.

So I need to be attractive to feel confident in social situations? I wonder where I learned that… Is that the absolute truth or have I picked this belief up from the media (TV, magazines, music, etc.)? Have I ever seen someone who was not physically attractive that was confident in a social situation? Am I saying that in the whole world there is not one person who is unattractive that feels confident in social situations?

New positive belief: I deserve to be socially confident

7. If I am socially confident I’ll get into arguments.

Why do I assume this? Do I have the right perspective on what social confidence is? Could it maybe be that once I’m socially confident I am a more relaxed person? Maybe I’ll have dealt with some of my need to be right by then. Maybe I won’t have to prove myself to others since I‘ll approve of myself… And hey, so what if I get into an argument sometimes, I won’t be overwhelmed with emotion so I can respond in a normal, mature way!

New positive belief: I choose to know I can calmly and respectfully deal with any arguments

8. I’m a tough case.

Maybe that’s true, maybe it’s not true. Maybe I think like this because I’ve not found a solution yet after all my searching and effort. Maybe even the toughest cases achieve success with consistent effort using the right tools… And hey, maybe everybody thinks they’re a tough case! And even if I am a tough case, maybe if I change my mind about this I will be less in my own way to improving myself.

New positive belief: I choose to release my need for being a tough case and I choose to make my journey to social confidence safe and easy

9. I won’t have deep conversations anymore when I’m socially confident.

Why not? Can I not choose the people I want to connect with more deeply anymore once I’m over my social anxiety? Do I lose my capacity to connect to people? Will I lose my sense of spirituality/intelligence? Or do I maybe just feel calm and at ease talking about anything I want? Maybe I can simply pick the people I want to talk to and talk about deep topics if I so desire. Heck, I might even have more deep conversations if I choose so!

New positive belief: I choose to know that I can talk to anyone and have the type of conversation I choose to have.

Once you have uncovered your own personal limiting beliefs use the videos in the Negative Limiting Beliefs section on the SCS page (at the bottom of the SCS page, or at the last page) to get reduce or get rid of the negative limiting belief.

Pick the video that corresponds with the intensity of your belief and tap it down to a 0 out of 10. I have written down next to each video what intensity the video is intended for.

For the fears you have uncovered by answering the questions, use the below EFT tapping sequence to reduce them or get rid of them.

EFT Tapping Script To Reduce/Eliminate The Uncovered Fear

Use the steps below to clear any fear you have uncovered.

Try to make it a proper sentence when you notice a fear in one of your answers. You do this by starting out like this and then finishing the sentence:

“I’m afraid… “

Examples: I’m afraid it’ll ruin our friendship. I’m afraid I’ll fail if I follow my dream I’m afraid of being in the spotlight.

Then as you now have your ‘proper sentence’ you use that sentence to fill in the blank in the exercise below.

Example:

Tap continuously on your karate chop and say the following phrases out loud while visualizing the thing you fear:

Even though I’m afraid -say the thing you fear-, and I feel this fear in my -say where you feel the fear inside your body-, and a part of me doesn’t want to let go of this fear, I deeply and completely accept all parts of me

Even though I’m afraid -say the thing you fear-, and I feel this fear in my -say where you feel the fear inside your body-, and a part of me is resisting letting go of this fear cause it keeps me safe, and maybe it’s part of my identity, and maybe it gives me an excuse, so I don’t want to let it go, but I do want to love and accept myself

Even though I’m afraid -say the thing you fear-, and I feel this fear in my -say where you feel the fear inside your body-, and a part of me doesn’t want to let go of this fear for whatever reason, whether that reason is conscious or subconscious, logical or not, I don’t want to let it go, but I do want to accept all parts of me.

Then start tapping on the points:

EB What if -say the thing you fear- SE I fear -say the thing you fear-UE This fear in my -say where you feel the fear in your body- UN I’m afraid -say the thing you fear-CH What if -say the thing you fear-CB This fear in my -say where you feel the fear in your body- UA What if -say the thing you fear-LP I’m afraid -say the thing you fear-WR This fear in my -say where you feel the fear in your body- TH What if -say the thing you fear-

Example:

Even though I’m afraid -them staring at me-, and I feel this fear in my -chest-, and a part of me doesn’t want to let go of this fear, I deeply and completely accept all parts of me

Even though I’m afraid -them staring at me-, and I feel this fear in my -chest-, and a part of me is resisting letting go of this fear cause it keeps me safe, and maybe it’s part of my identity, and maybe it gives me an excuse, so I don’t want to let it go, but I do want to love and accept myself

Even though I’m afraid -them staring at me-, and I feel this fear in my -chest-, and a part of me doesn’t want to let go of this fear for whatever reason, whether that reason is conscious or subconscious, logical or not, I don’t want to let it go, but I do want to accept all parts of me.


EB What if -they stare at me?-SE I’m afraid -that they will stare at me- UE This fear in my -chest-UN I fear -them staring at me- CH What if -they stare at me?- CB This fear in my -chest-UA What if -they stare at me?-LP I’m afraid of -them staring at me- WR This fear in my -chest-TH What if -they stare at me?-

If after the above step you still feel fear, use the 2nd format below to tap away the remaining fear.

2nd Format:

Tap continuously on your karate chop and say the following phrases out loud while visualizing the thing you fear:

Even though I’m still somewhat afraid of -say the thing you fear- , and I still feel some of this this remaining fear in my -say where you feel the fear inside your body-, and a part of me doesn’t want to let go of all of the fear, I want to accept all parts of me

Even though I’m still somewhat afraid of -say the thing you fear- , and I still feel some of this remaining fear in my -say where you feel the fear inside your body- and a part of me is still resisting letting go of all of the fear, maybe because it believes the fear is keeping me safe, maybe without it I’ll lose my excuse, maybe I don’t deserve to let it go completely, but whatever the reason is, I want to accept all parts of me anyway

Even though I’m still somewhat afraid of -say the thing you fear- , and I still feel some of this remaining fear in my -say where you feel the fear inside your body-, ad a part of me is resistant to letting go of the rest of it, for whatever reason, I want to accept all parts of me


EB What if -say the thing you fear-SE I’m still somewhat afraid of -say the thing you fear-UE This remaining fear in my -say where you feel the fear in your body- UN I still fear -say the thing you fear-CH What if -say the thing you fear-CB This remaining fear in my -say where you feel the fear in your body- UA What if -say the thing you fear-LP I’m still afraid of -say the thing you fear-WR This remaining fear in my -say where you feel the fear in your body- TH What if -say the thing you fear-

Example:

Even though I’m still somewhat afraid of -them staring at me- , and I still feel some of this this remaining fear in my -chest-, and a part of me doesn’t want to let go of all of the fear, I want to accept all parts of me

Even though I’m still somewhat afraid of -them staring at me- , and I still feel some of this remaining fear in my -chest- and a part of me is still resisting letting go of all of the fear, maybe because it believes the fear is keeping me safe, maybe without it I’ll lose my excuse, maybe I don’t deserve to let it go completely, but whatever the reason is, I want to accept all parts of me anywayEven though I’m still somewhat afraid of -them staring at me- , and I still feel some of this remaining fear in my -chest-, and a part of me is resistant to letting go of the rest of it, for whatever reason, I want to accept all parts of me


EB What if -they stare at me-SE I’m still somewhat afraid of -them staring at me- UE This remaining fear in my -chest-UN I still fear -them staring at me-CH What if -they stare at me?-CB This remaining fear in my -chest- UA What if -they stare at me?-LP I’m still afraid of -them staring at me-WR This remaining fear in my -chest- TH What if -they stare at me?-

If after this 2nd round of tapping you still have some remaining fear, go to the beginning of the 2nd format of this exercise again and do another tapping round using that format.

Tap to get the fear as low as possible, don’t stress if you can’t get rid of all of the fear. Simply tap and as long as the fear keeps reducing, keep going.

Get all the fears as low as possible and then go back to the actual exercises of the SCS.

· web viewovercoming subconscious resistancesin the presentation “discover the #1 reason you...

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