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TOPIC 2: Which WINDOW do you manage your kids (or students) from? Mark Le Messurier, slide 1

Welcome to a ‘down-to-earth’ presentation with sensible understandings for every one of us – no matter what our role!

My contention is that the ‘Tricky Kids’ – and, our focus today is of course those on the spectrum - are a very different experience for each and every one of us.

Why?

Because how we feel about them and how we react to their impulses and behaviours depends COMPLETELY on us – our feelings, past experiences, expectations, our desire for control, our mood, what's happening elsewhere in our lives.

From a rational point of view, you know that you can't honestly control someone else – after all, how good are you at controlling your partner?

I rest my case.

You can’t really ‘control’ your partner, your students, colleagues or your kids at home - but, you can control how you think, respond and choose to manage.

So now, you’re beginning to see why the spotlight is on the screen and who’s behaviour it’s shining ever so brightly on today.

Right! This session is all about you!

Your thoughts.

Your feelings and how they drive your ‘instincts’ to manage students and/or your kids.


In this session, I want to play with ‘mindfulness’.

It refers our capacity as a manager - parent or educator - to rise above our immediate emotions, identify what happening around us, and respond wisely to it.

Mindfulness is couched in Positive psychology, and its focus is on building ‘thriving’ individuals, and connected families, and communities.

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American psychologist, Martin Seligman – arguably most eminent psychologist of the 20th century - popularised and expanded the work of the humanists - Carl Rogers and Abraham Maslow.

They began the push on building ‘happy lives’ and the positive aspects of human nature way back in the 1950’s.


Let’s begin at work!Who are your ‘Tricky’ or ‘Tough Kids’?

Are they those who constantly lose concentration, never finish, never engage and don’t seem to care? Irritating isn’t it?Interesting how some kids irritate you more than others. Why?

What buttons are they pressing in you?What’s causing the big reaction in you?

Are your ‘Tough Kids’ those who refuse. Refuse to follow instructions. Refuse to be part of the group. Refuse to do certain lessons or go to particular teachers? How do you go with these kids? Does a little voice inside your head say, “Well, that’s their problem, they’ll never amount to anything anyway?”

What about the ‘power kids’? You know, the kids who’ll only do it their way, in their time.You try to support them, but your effort and care is ‘blown’ off’ by their rudeness and refusal.

And, what about managing their parents?You invite their mother or father to come in to meet and help you open new opportunities. To your horror, the parent seems as unresponsive as their child. Part way through the meeting they lift their head from their mobile phone screen, shoot a glance at you and shrug to answer your question.Gee, wonder where their child learnt that you think to yourself?Then, they say, "I nag him all the time. I tell him to pick up his clothes, do his homework, turn off the computer, turn off the TV and to brush his teeth. He doesn’t listen to me, what can I do?" You feel like saying, “Well, why don’t you start acting like a proper parent. Why don’t you turn off the screens and take away his bloody phone until he does it!" But, you don’t. Then, there are the parents who openly fight each other in front of you.The tension is unbearable.

You never asked for this, but you’re a casualty an ongoing family war.Suddenly you understand what this child endures at home, and what the dreadful consequences have become.

What about the parents who have an encyclopaedic knowledge about their child’s version of ASD. The depth of their knowledge is stunning. They should do the speaking circuit. But, there’s a superiority that comes with it. It’s too much, too fast, and you always feel put-on because their knowledge is accusing and excusing their child’s poor behaviour.

And, don’t forget the parents you admire. Good souls, loving and parenting their kids so well, and making so little headway. When they’re with you they feel your trust, let their vulnerability show and weep gently while still considering new optimistic options.These parents live in our hearts and minds for a long time, especially in the early hours of the morning.

That’s a glimpse of what you deal with at work.I’ll bet you feel inadequately trained for this! I often do. The truth is that ‘Tough kids,’ and ‘Tough Parents’ certainly exist. Perhaps we need to reframe them in our minds, and see them wanting the best, but processing life through lenses that makes life ‘Tough’.


And, what about at home?

Do you remember the beginning as you prepared for the joys of parenthood?

It all seemed so natural – you loved him or her, he loved you, you could see a future together, you had good work prospects, your friends were coupling up, some even started having kids, your parents began to ask about the pitter-patter of little feet, not to mention the ticking of the unmentionable reproductive clock.

Yes, having kids seemed as natural as kissing one another. It seems the next ever so logical step to express our love.

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Then, just a year or two into having children a whole new reality dawns. One that you could never predict before you have them.

Our kids – they freely hit our most hidden and secret buttons! Buttons that so few others in the world rarely touch

And, as those buttons are pressed we learn about our frailties; bad temper, anxieties, fears, dreams, hopes and lost opportunities.

Oh, yes - being a parent is a human being’s greatest test.

It is from being a mother or a father that we learn so much about ourselves.

Most of us never dream the extent to which our children will challenge us and/or stimulate our personal growth – that’s if we let them by not being overly righteous.


The SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW is in both books

It highlights the management style that others - your kids and students - get from you. It’s how others see you and experience you.

It’s not about your ‘honourable intentions’. This has much more to do with our gut reactions, and emotions.

This stuff is less rational and far more emotionally based!

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As you can see, SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW generates four leadership styles.

Don’t despair, because most of us spend time in each of the quadrants.

On a bad morning we can do several loops around the window!

Treat the next hour as a precious time for personal reflection.

I want you to gather a few insights into how you manage at home, and with students at work.

Try not to be too judgmental. Resist interpreting each quadrant as good or bad. They simply exist.

Hey, there’s room for improvement within all of us.

So, ask yourself;

Which quadrant do my instincts drive me to ‘live in’?

Which quadrant do I ‘default to’ when the going gets tough?

Which quadrant would be healthier for me to spend more time in?


Oh yes! You’re in authority alright.You feel that to lead you’ve got to hold the POWER and be the BOSS – you always have the final say.

You’re a good person, but this is how leadership is for you. And, you’ve worked hard to be strong, even confrontational when things go wrong.

You are controlling, but low on showing empathy, the very ingredient required to build loyalty and connection with others.

You demand high standards from your partner, your children and your students - you insist on being right and heaven help anyone who makes a mistake or doesn’t seem to hold you on a pedestal. They won’t get away with it because you’re a micromanaging perfectionist.You micromanage your children at home by closely controlling;• their every thought• their friendships• who they sit next to at school • their extracurricular activities • the directions you believe is best for them - and, you do this for their benefit.

As an educator, you micromanage students, constantly picking up on things that won’t really matter a few days later.

Mostly, they put up with it, although there are some who show obstructive and oppositional reactions. You haven’t figured out that when human beings feel unsafe, threatened or too challenged it’s human nature to fight back – some will do it hotly, and others crumble on the inside.

When you feel provoked at home or at work, you’re pretty quick at trotting out confronting phrases and threats; “you must,” “you will,” “you won’t,” “I want,” “I want it,” “I want it now,” “how many times do I have to ask,” “if you make me ask one more time...” and “don’t you dare!”

To keep control at work, you prefer to punish using a few well-honed techniques. You’ll ridicule or humiliate, or cut off your emotional input and connection to students. Brett, that 12 year old student with ASD – well, he can read yet another novel at the back of the room. He doesn’t deserve your connection. And, it shuts him up anyway! At home, when things go wrong (just as they do for all of us), your attention is on what went wrong, finding the culprit and finding a way to let them feel your disapproval.

You regularly hear yourself saying; “whose fault was that?” “who’s to blame?” or “what’s the right punishment?” You take on the role of detective, judge and executioner. Rarely, does the consequence concern how others, or relationships, may have been affected, and how the person who may have caused it might make things better again. Sadly, those who manage their children exclusively from this quadrant draw from a very limited tool box; shouting, ranting, threatening, demanding, bullying, smacking, punishing and pulling back on the limited amount of emotion usually on offer by sulking and huffing about.

The use of these tools will make some kids nervy, and motivate others to be confrontational, oppositional and highly reactive. And, as kids grow into young teens, there is usually a point where they begin to seek fabulous entertainment from a mum or dad’s predictable and emotionally charged reactions - the punitive buttons are so much fun to push!

That’s right, despite your supposed power and your rants, they’ve sussed you out and work around you when they have to or want to.

TOPIC 2: Which WINDOW do you manage your kids (or students) from?

Mark Le Messurier, slide 7

Let’s stay in the PUNITIVE quadrant, because there’s a lot to be learnt on our visit.

I have a mild mannered and serious minded client, called Dan.

He’s NOT on the Autism spectrum.Today he’s 21 years of ageHe’s a beautiful young man – always has been - and I’d be proud to call him my son.

However, 3 years ago all hell broke loose for Dan, his family and his school.Something – right out of character occurred.Dan’s phone rang in class. It had never happened before.Mark to tell Dan’s story…..

I want to share a video with you – it will only take 4 minutes



I've got 2 questions for you. They’re on screen

Could you spend a few minutes exchanging ideas about these questions with your new best friends at your table ?

LET THEM DISCUSS WITH EACH OTHER… WAIT… FINISH OFF WITH THIS….

QUESTION: So what was Dan thinking?ANSWER: Dan’s frontal lobe - isn't yet fully developed. Frontal lobes are one of the last areas of the brain to develop in human beings. It is responsible for things like organising, planning, decision making and controlling impulses – AND – it’s not fully developed in boys until close to 30 years of age – sorry, it will be a long time for some of you.

For girls, it’s earlier, around 23 to 24 years of age.

In calm situations, Dan, like most kids and adolescents, can rationalise as well as an adult. But stress, pressure, tension and high levels of anxiety….. well, they steal what we call our “HOT COGNITION" – rapid, logical decision-making just goes down the drain.

This helps to explain why kids and teens can be so rational in the good moments and so irrational at other times - their brain isn’t yet built.

And, what about if Dan had of been on the spectrum?How much more challenging might have this been?

Christopher's gives us a wonderful insight into this.You do you remember Christopher, don’t you?



Christopher is the main character in this novel.He explains how too many questions, too quickly lead to meltdowns.

He says; “The policeman was asking too many questions and was asking them too fast. They were stacking up in my head like loaves in the factory where uncle Terry works. The factory is a bakery and he operates the slicing machines. And sometimes the slicer is not working fast enough, but the bread keeps coming and there is a blockage. I sometimes think of my mind as a machine, but not a bread slicing machine. It makes it easier to explain to other people what is going on inside it.

Then, the policeman said, “I’m going to ask you once again…”

The policeman took hold of my arm…

I didn’t like him touching me …

And, this is when I hit him.”



You offer little - nothing much is happening between you and the kids.You are unavailable to give them the care, coaching and guidance all students need from their teachers, and kids need from their parents.

When you look around your classroom you see too many kids, with too many problems, and too much ASD. You know what they’re doing! They are playing mindless games on their laptops, texting, listening to their iPods or watching a screen hidden under their desk but you turn a blind eye.

There may be reasons motivating your neglectful style.

You may have walked into this school and realised, all too late, that it’s filled with rebellious students. Now, in order to survive, you’ve learnt that by appearing neglectful, chilled, easy going you’re less likely to enter into conflict with them.

This ‘soulless neglectful zone’ simply allows you to survive! And, in your classroom kids make the rules and rule! They do as they please, often putting their safety, and the safety of others around them, at risk.

Not surprising bullying can also be rife in this environment as students adopt the ‘might is right’ philosophy. If questioned about the behaviour of your kids you’d reply;“What can I do given the backgrounds these kids come from?”Or, “What do you expect; we have too many students with special needs.” Sometimes those in the neglectful quadrant are struggling with poor health, relationship issues, depression, alcohol abuse, substance addictions. Perhaps you’re overwhelmed by impossible financial pressures.

Perhaps you have a wildly mistaken belief that dragging the kids up without loving connectedness will toughen them up ready for the future? Even grimmer, you may be contending with a genuinely disconnected personality where it is difficult for you to reach out, and show affection.

I know what you’re thinking at this point. I bet you’ve jumped to the moral high ground and believe there’s no way you could possibly be neglectful.

Don’t do that- we’ve all been here from time to time. Well, what about at school the other day. Remember, 14 year old Brad. He’s not a bad kid, but his concentration and dyslexia in combination with ASD means he’s still relying on your frontal lobe a lot of the time.

But, working within the neglectful quadrant you didn’t say anything as he was falling behind. You kept your head down, worked in silence, and wrote copious notes on the board for everyone to copy. You weren’t motivated to be practical or tactical. You could have said:

“Brad, do you know what do next?”“Hey, let me give you a kick start.”“I like you way too much to let you fall behind – there’s another way we can do this.”

Then you could have pulled out a big gun and offered Brad a random incentive to get finished. At least it would be an attempt to get him onside and setting him up best you could.

And, as a parent, what about at home yesterday afternoon?Remember the horrifically busy weekend that started straight after work early Friday evening. Having to socialise with work people after spending the entire week with them! Then came Saturday and that was a frantic blur driving between sporting venues for the kids, let alone making out you were interested while sitting in on the extra dance class. You then rushed home to clean the house. Saturday night came and went. You were up to your eye balls in a big and busy family function, and it went late. Today, the kids were as tired as you on Sunday morning, but you’ve long promised to put in a morning’s work at the schools working bee.

You return home with cranky kids and your own cranky head, and know you have a couple of hours of work to do ready for work tomorrow. Throw lunch down and get your work out the way, and as you work you hear the whiney voices of the kids.

By 4pm you’ve finished. You’re free! It’s me time. You pour yourself a glass of wine and as you walk past the window you see the kids rolling together on the back lawn hurting each other.

You walk on…

Yes, we’ve all done it…

There is no judgement here - we’re just developing a ‘mindfulness’.

And, the learning is that when we’re in this neglectful zone we’re quick to discount being a skilful model and doubt the value of positive seed planting. We forget to encourage. We dismiss setting a few achievable goals together. We forget to chase them and celebrate.



Those who work in the permissive quadrant do a lot right. You offer loads of time, care, support and encouragement! Brilliant!

However, you struggle to set up and maintain consistent structures; rules, routines, procedures, systems and expectations. Instead, you fluff about a lot serving up an easy going, ‘friendshippy’ style.

Hmmmm… you’ve replaced ‘relationship and leadership’ with a ‘BEST FRIENDS FOREVER’ approach. You sense your style is problematic. But, you’re comforted by the compassion you show.You really do understand kids on the spectrum. You know the difficulties they face. You appreciate why life is tougher for them. And, as their most fervent supporter heaven help anyone who challenges your child.And, if you’re an educator heaven help anyone who challenges one of the ASD students under your wing, because being ‘permissive, means you are their greatest protector and excuser!

Sadly, you carry a ‘faulty logic’ and IT gets in the way of compassionate and decisive leadership.

Oh, yes! Anyone who holds your kids accountable for their behaviour will always have you to deal with – whether it is a parent, another teacher, the school principal or a dear well-meaning colleague.

Interestingly, you do notice the way students you supposedly understand, push at the boundaries, and it is annoying. Your way to tackle this is to ignore, and ignore, then use humour to diffuse it, and ignore and ignore. Truth be told, you use this approach at home too with your own kids. You love them and nurture them to bits, always tiptoeing around them to keep the peace and maintain relationship.

Misguidedly, you talk to friends about your own children as being especially ‘spirited ’.You tell others and that there are two types of kids: the calm and complaint ones that the lucky parents get, and then there are kids like yours – the ‘spirited ones’. You say, it’s just luck of the draw!

Your one real source of frustration is that at home and at school - just every so often, the kids end up bullying you and pushing you to get their way. And you, well, you haven’t yet grasped why they push like this. All kids push to work out where the boundaries lie. It’s what they do.

They have to push and push to work out where the limits are. It’s all a part of belonging, attaching, fitting in and feeling ever so secure. Suddenly, when you are pushed too far you SNAP!

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And, as soon as you snap, you become a raging ‘punitive’ parent or teacher. That’s right – you’ve snapped and jumped into the punitive quadrant.

Your talk becomes nasty and your response, revengeful. You find yourself taking their iPod, and every available screen away for months! Oh yes – you’re too severe in that reactive moment.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, I kind of do this at work and at home. At work your reaction is tempered, but, you have the same sets of feelings surging inside, and you withdraw coaching, guidance and warmth. Once your anger and disappointment settles at home, whether it be few hours later or the next day, guilt inspired by your lovely compassion, catches up. You know that you acted too quickly and said too many damaging comments.

So, you deliver an exaggerated apology for your overblown actions, but it’s all about sucking back up to the kids at home, or to students or staff at work. At home it’s preparing bacon and eggs for them next morning, and at work you bring in a novelty activity to share with students to restore face. And, what have we learned over the years about permissive managers whether they be teachers or parents?

That kids – our own kids or our students - exposed to this swinging situation often end up confused.

They tend to lose their ‘sense of self’ and what they are really capable of. Some kids caught up in your permissive style can become vulnerable – even be attracted to gangs, cults, bullies - as they try to gain a sense of belonging and consistency.



The research supports an authoritative style for most effective communication at work, and for raising well-adjusted kids at home. As an authoritative parent you read your kids well because you’re actively involved in their lives.

You sit together as a family for dinner, you encourage conversation and you absorb how they feel about a range of things. You do the same at school . You consciously connect and connect them to each other. You’ve deliberately become skilled at running circles of students at school where they can share their feelings and concerns with each other without the fear of humiliation.

While you value honest communication, and expect cooperative behaviour, you also know your kids at home - and students at school - won’t always get it right. And, when they make mistakes, you’re prepared to walk alongside them offering enough guidance as it’s needed.

You understand that talk is lost in heated moments – girls hear only 3.2 words and boys just 2.3 words – the window for learning at this time is miniscule.

You understand the balance between building independence, smothering them, offering too much advice and being overly critical.

You understand that these same values are invaluable at work and at home.And, you make an effort to understand behaviour.

In other words, you try to interpret what lies beneath the difficult behaviour of another. You understand the true value of attachment…..



To take us into the world of attaching - what it really means, how it happens, how it can be purposely constructed and what the benefits are – is my dear friend and highly regarded child and adolescent psychologist, Jenny Suthers.

Jenny’s specialty is attachment.

What she’ll have to say will be memorable and forever practical.

However, I need to share a secret.

What Jenny has to say is ‘real’.

Jenny has three adopted children now in their mid-twenties, and one who is probably on the Autism spectrum. As children they demonstrated some very tough and resistant behaviours based around attachment difficulties.

Life was difficult for the boys, for Jenny and Graeme, and for the family.

If only it was possible for each of you to meet her son’s now!

Yes, they still have their challenges, but they are awesome young men. Kind, considerate, moral, connected to family and truly delightful to know. I call them my friends.

Jenny has done the hard yards, and beyond this knows the research surrounding attachment.

What she has to share is authoritative and persuasive.

I couldn’t think of a more authentic person to bring to you today.


Thanks so much, Jenny.

Now you’re seeing the picture.

It’s only when we’re able to work WITH others in this authorative quadrant that we can offer them a chance to succeed and show their influence.

In this quadrant you recognise that respect has much, much less to do with you being the MOTHER or the FATHER or the EDUCATOR.

You see that it has so much more to do with the tone you create about getting along with each other.

You actually TRY to create an air of warmth and respect.

And, when a problem does arise – and they do because these are problematic kids you’re able to deal with it so your kids, or students, are left feeling comfortable about the re-direction. In fact, the act of re-direction often strengthens connections.

You try to seize on setbacks and hiccups as valuable opportunities to create new initiatives and positive directions.



Perhaps our best learning about children, their emotion, their reactions and their behaviour, comes from the work of Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs way back in the 1950’s and 60’s.

They coined the term, the ‘Four Goals of Misbehaviour’


Let me reinforce this with a strikingly deceptively slide …

What is the behaviour about? Is it ‘clumsy behaviour?’ Is it inept behaviour’ Is it ‘self-protective’ behaviour’ Is it ‘awkward behaviour’ or ‘youthful exuberance’? Is it impulsivity due to executive functioning difficulties? Lack of self-awareness? Is it really ‘misbehaviour’?

And, should children and teens be punished for clumsy, inept or awkward behaviours, or are they reliant on us to teach them the skills how to connect?

Take a look!

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Adler and Dreikurs asked us to HYPOTHESIZE about the child’s inner ‘script’ - because their behavior is OFTEN the result of their mistaken assumption – or a young faulty logic - about how they can gain status, keep status, connect or belong.

And, without redirection and teaching them how to connect their faulty logic simply compounds.

Think about your child, or a student you know with tricky behaviours.

Make a hypothesis about what they’re trying to achieve.

“I belong as the kid who...

• Makes irritating, even hurtful, comments to be noticed

• Distracts others to take the academic spotlight away from me

• Must win at sport. I have to feel good about something.

• Has the best toys, gadgets, IT or card collection

• Works with the teacher rather than working with peers

• Challenges and tries to be the boss. I feel safer if we’re in conflict – I know how this works!

• Keeps adults really busy by asking loads of inane questions

• Fights and argues lots, manly to protect myself

• Stays quiet so you won’t notice me. I’m not sure.

• Constantly needs help. I do worry. I am anxious.

• Constantly loses and forgets things. This is my life, but it also binds us together

Anyone you know?


They developed a framework, called the ‘ladder of discouragement – gesture to screen.

It’s the pathway that human beings follow when they feel they are not succeeding, feel beaten or can’t find a way to belong.

Each rung on the ladder represents a deeper level of despair and this is reflected by a deeper level of difficult behaviour.

And, discouraged people – your children, your students and your colleagues - follow a very predicable pathway, climbing rung by rung, through the 4 goals of misbehaviour until their ‘faulty logic’ allows them to believe they have achieved have some influence in their world.

• Ever seen this first hand?

• Did it get ugly?

• Hindsight – nasty isn’t it? But, how might have you done it differently, or how might it have been done differently so they could have hopped off the ladder with dignity?

• How could have you offered them a sense of belonging, influence and the social status they needed?

• We’ve got to keep learning from hindsight. As one of my 15 year olds said, “It’s a bitch, but a great teacher


Let’s finish up.

Back to the SOCIAL CONTROL WINDOW Whether you are a parent or an educator, you talk regularly with them, whether it’s individually, informally or at organised meetings.

As you talk you use words and phrases such as “us” “the team” “we” and “our family,” “our class” “our school” encouraging that unity is highly prized. You constantly follow up, revisit and adapt expectations in an emotionally steady manner, giving everyone a say. Your talk is centred on ways to find improvement, strengthen relationships and make things right again.


Wow! What a simple, but powerful model!

It will be emblazoned in your mind forever – sorry about that!

However, it does provide an enlightening insight into how we lead others, view authority and use it, at work and at home. As you reflected;

• Did you discover which quadrant you largely ‘live in’?

• Do you know why?

• Is it a conscious choice?

• Is it working for you at work?

• Is it working for you at home?

• Do you operate in the same quadrants at home and at work?

• When the pressure is on, and you’re feeling stressed, which quadrant do you default to?


The best way to learn is to do it – so let’s have a go!

Read…..

There are two students in the same home group - they have most lessons together. One is Matt and the other is Bob. Basically, they’re good kids with supportive families. This year they started year 8 at a new school and Bob is fixating over wanting Matt as a new friend. His approach swings from kind-hearted friendship to boisterous ‘put-downs’.

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Matt likes Bob, but can’t deal with the wild ‘mood swings’. To be fair, Matt likes things to be predictable and go his way too. Both, of course, are on the spectrum. Both have good/average IQ’s, both are always anxious and reactive, and see things their way. Matt has asked to move home groups because he’s overwhelmed. Lately, Matt’s been talking about ‘his rights’ and his anxiety has skyrocketed to tummy aches and diarrhea before school.”

You can see your task on the screen.

I want you to take on a particular management strategy to deal with the boys, and perhaps their parents;

1 person to take a ‘punitive approach’ as an educator/parent

1 person to take a ‘neglectful approach’ as an educator/parent

1 person to take a ‘permissive approach’ as an educator/parent

Everyone else take an ‘authorative approach’ to deal with this

I want you to discuss and debate. While you are only role-playing these management viewpoints be sensitive to the feelings that will be stirred up in yourself and others.


Well done.

So, the next time you are challenged by your child’s, a student’s, a colleague’s or a principal’s or parent’s tricky behaviour, place this NEW spotlight on yourself.

Think through this approach;1. Which quadrant do I FEEL like reacting from?2. What’s really driving this persons behaviour? What do they really want?3. What’s really driving my behaviour? What do I really want?4. Okay, how can push into the AUTHORATATIVE QUADRANT to achieve a constructive

solution that offers some learning, and keeps dignity for all?

Our challenge is to be ‘mindful’ about the way we manage.


This is the perfect moment to introduce a ‘mood lift’ – also called change-ups, or energizers!

These are short novelty events that a teacher develops to improve the attention, concentration, cooperation or emotional climate of the group.

Energisers refresh all kids!

Given that novelty seeking is particularly satisfying for those with ADHD it is valuable to create novelty niches for them to dispel attentional overload and help reengagement.

They are worth mentioning because these appealing strategies are often the first thing to be lost when the going gets tough with a class.

As well, they are perfect to repair the emotional fallout in class following an unpleasant incident, and can be drawn on as the student later returns to class following the ugliness.

The best advice is to develop a repertoire of old-favourites that you know will work and gradually experiment with new things!

LISTENING GAME: Mr. and Mrs. Wright (exciting for all ages)

Have everyone stand well away from each other. Tell them that you are going to read a story about Mr. and Mrs. Wright and that they will need to listen very carefully. When they hear you say the word "right" they will have to jump to the right. When they hear you say "left" the will have to jump to the left. This game is a lot of fun, but each person’s success hinges on them concentrating, listening and remembering. It’s all about following directions to the letter!

The story …

This is a story about Mr. and Mrs WRIGHT. One evening they were baking cookies. Mrs. WRIGHT called from the kitchen, "Oh, no, there is no flour LEFT! You will need to go out to the store RIGHT away.“

"I can't believe you forgot to check the pantry," grumbled MR. WRIGHT. "You never get anything RIGHT!"

"Don't be difficult, dear," replied Mrs. WRIGHT. “You could have LEFT by now and been on your way. It will only take twenty minutes if you come RIGHT back.

Go to the Post Office up on the main road, and turn LEFT at the stop sign. Then go past the fruit shop we usually go to, and turn RIGHT, and there it will be on your LEFT," declared Mrs. WRIGHT as her husband LEFT the house.

Mr. WRIGHT found the store and asked the shop assistant where he could find the flour. The shop assistant pointed and said, "Go to Aisle four and turn LEFT. The flour and sugar will be on your LEFT.”

Mr. WRIGHT made his purchase and walked RIGHT out the door. He turned LEFT, but he couldn't remember where he had LEFT his car. Suddenly he remembered that he had driven Mrs. WRIGHT'S car and that his car was in the driveway at home RIGHT where he had LEFT it. He finally found the RIGHT car and put his things RIGHT inside. Eventually, a weary Mr. WRIGHT found his way home.

Mrs. WRIGHT had been waiting impatiently. "I thought you would be RIGHT back," she said. "I LEFT all the cookie ingredients on the kitchen counter, and the cats got into the milk. You'll just have to go RIGHT out again.“

Mr. WRIGHT sighed. He had no energy LEFT. "I am going RIGHT to bed," he said. "Anyway, I need to go on a diet, so I might as well start RIGHT now. Isn't that RIGHT, dear?”

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